₦airaland Forum

OkikiOluwa1: e-slap on your chick

Ah! No vex o! But the slap too hot nah! I was actually trying to confirm the ones you wanted and renounce the ones you dont want. But the slap hot sha!

OkikiOluwa1: God help me with no 1.
I ll be glad to let my children enjoy no 2.
Last Bullet
God forbid no 4.
I ll never tolerate no 5.

Allow me to answer amen for you.

Grandparents, friends, and society flood parents with well-meaning advice, but how can Mom and Dad be sure they are receiving accurate information? With help from Dr. Andrew Adesman and his book "Baby Facts", He separate baby myths from reality.

Baby's Sleep Position

Myth: It's OK to put your baby to sleep on his side.

Reality: To reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, healthy babies should always be put to sleep on their back -- not their stomach or sides.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "Part of the reason for the confusion is that when the government first came out with its 'Back to Sleep' campaign, it said side or back, but just a couple years later, it modified this recommendation because sometimes babies roll from their side onto their belly. The safest sleep position for babies is on their back. Unfortunately, some pediatricians are still giving parents misinformation."


Sleep Control

Myth: You can control when and how long your newborn sleeps.

Reality: Newborn babies fall asleep when they're ready and wake up when they're hungry, wet, or upset or because of some other normal cue.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "The key word here is 'newborn.' A lot of parents will try to create a schedule, but when babies are very young, Mom and Dad really need to respond to Baby's cues."

Swaddling Realities

Myth: Swaddling is an outdated method for comforting a fussy baby.

Reality: Swaddling, when done properly, can be an effective and soothing technique.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "Swaddling is a very helpful technique when it comes to comforting. Some parents worry about their baby overheating, but if she's dressed properly, that's not an issue. Positioning is important, so ask your pediatrician or someone experienced to show you the right technique."


Nap = Soundly Sleeping Baby

Myth: A nap in a car seat or stroller doesn't count.

Reality: If your child is sleeping soundly, it counts.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "Kids are pretty versatile when it comes to where they sleep. If a baby falls asleep somewhere other than his crib, there's really no reason to transfer him. Also, remember that although beautiful nurseries might be created with the best intentions, crib bumpers, mobiles, and other decorations can pose a safety risk to infants."


Rice Cereal at Bedtime

Myth: Adding rice cereal to a bedtime bottle helps babies sleep through the night.

Reality: There's no proof that this method has any impact on Baby's sleep.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "In fact, it can even go the other way. Introducing rice cereal too early can be unsafe. Babies might not be able to digest rice cereal before 4 months of age. Parents often try to rush the natural process and push the milestones, but this practice is really not recommended."

Dr. Adesman is Chief of the Division of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics at Schneider Children's Hospital in New York and an associate professor in the Pediatrics Department at Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

Grandparents, friends, and society flood parents with well-meaning advice, but how can Mom and Dad be sure they are receiving accurate information? With help from Dr. Andrew Adesman and his book "Baby Facts", He separate baby myths from reality.

Baby's Sleep Position

Myth: It's OK to put your baby to sleep on his side.

Reality: To reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, healthy babies should always be put to sleep on their back -- not their stomach or sides.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "Part of the reason for the confusion is that when the government first came out with its 'Back to Sleep' campaign, it said side or back, but just a couple years later, it modified this recommendation because sometimes babies roll from their side onto their belly. The safest sleep position for babies is on their back. Unfortunately, some pediatricians are still giving parents misinformation."


Sleep Control

Myth: You can control when and how long your newborn sleeps.

Reality: Newborn babies fall asleep when they're ready and wake up when they're hungry, wet, or upset or because of some other normal cue.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "The key word here is 'newborn.' A lot of parents will try to create a schedule, but when babies are very young, Mom and Dad really need to respond to Baby's cues."

Swaddling Realities

Myth: Swaddling is an outdated method for comforting a fussy baby.

Reality: Swaddling, when done properly, can be an effective and soothing technique.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "Swaddling is a very helpful technique when it comes to comforting. Some parents worry about their baby overheating, but if she's dressed properly, that's not an issue. Positioning is important, so ask your pediatrician or someone experienced to show you the right technique."


Nap = Soundly Sleeping Baby

Myth: A nap in a car seat or stroller doesn't count.

Reality: If your child is sleeping soundly, it counts.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "Kids are pretty versatile when it comes to where they sleep. If a baby falls asleep somewhere other than his crib, there's really no reason to transfer him. Also, remember that although beautiful nurseries might be created with the best intentions, crib bumpers, mobiles, and other decorations can pose a safety risk to infants."


Rice Cereal at Bedtime

Myth: Adding rice cereal to a bedtime bottle helps babies sleep through the night.

Reality: There's no proof that this method has any impact on Baby's sleep.

Dr. Adesman Explains: "In fact, it can even go the other way. Introducing rice cereal too early can be unsafe. Babies might not be able to digest rice cereal before 4 months of age. Parents often try to rush the natural process and push the milestones, but this practice is really not recommended."

Dr. Adesman is Chief of the Division of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics at Schneider Children's Hospital in New York and an associate professor in the Pediatrics Department at Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

Watching our kids struggle without stepping in to “fix” things for them could be one of the hardest things we could experience as a parent, even though we know it could be the best thing for them. And the truth is, from the very beginning, being a parent is a balance of taking care of your kids while letting them grow up and learn from their mistakes.

Your role of simply loving and protecting your baby from pain and discomfort changes to one of accepting that your child or teen will need to experience natural consequences for his or her actions. The hard part (for them and for us!) is that these consequences almost always include some discomfort, disappointment or pain.

From experience, the following 5 challenges could be considered what parents could have to battle with:


1. “Parent the child you have, and not the child you wish you had.”
Many times, we try to parent our kids based on what we think they should be like, and not upon who they really are. Listen, it can be tough and exhausting to have a son with autism, or a teen who’s defiant and disrespectful. Or you might simply have a child who’s very different from you, so trying to see her side of things becomes a constant, draining battle. You might think, “Hey, this isn’t what I signed up for! Is this what motherhood is supposed to be like?” The fact is when you accept that your child is not who you thought she was going to be, a real grief can emerge. You might have to give up certain dreams you had for your child’s future when you realize she’s just not going to take the path you’d hoped she would.

How To Fix That:
Understand, though, that once you let go and accept who your child is, a different kind of love can develop, because you’ll be able to see her clearly for the person she truly is. True acceptance is one of the most powerful, loving things a parent can give to their child. It’s the basis for so many things, including being able to develop and communicate reasonable expectations for appropriate behavior. Old power struggles fall away, which can give you space to nurture new aspects of your relationship. As an added bonus, when you accept your child for who she is, she can then become better at accepting herself.


2. Letting Your Child Experience the Pain and Discomfort of Natural Consequences.
Am sure many mothers could recall their kids having one fall or the other; either from the bed or the stair-case and recalling such experiences could envelope us with some terrible feelings . Some of such experiences are usually traumatic not only for the children, but for us as parents. Though majority of these accidents could be clearly accidental, but we still felt like a bad parent. These feelings are natural, but it’s important that you learn how to deal with them. The goal for all of us is to learn from each experience and try to be reasonable about what you have control over – and what is beyond your control.

And How To Fix That?
It’s not a good idea to try to protect your child from experiencing the consequences of his actions. Look at it this way: how will your child learn from his mistakes if you take away the natural outcome of a poor choice he makes? In fact, we humans learn through trial and error. We try something, it fails or we get in trouble, and we try another way. We misbehave, someone gets mad, so we stop. If you put up a protective fence around your child and try to fix things for them, how will they learn to do things differently next time? it’s helpful to allow your child to struggle. Change happens out of struggle and in moments of accepting responsibility for our actions.It’s our job as parents to help our kids through these difficult times, but it’s not our job to bear all their burdens for them. This may mean letting your child feel some pain and disappointment of natural consequences if he’s acted out. You can help him by talking about how he can handle himself differently next time, and teaching him some good coping strategies.


3. Facing Judgment, Shame and Blame from Others.
If you have a child who acts out and engages in other challenging behaviors—tantruming, yelling, disobeying you or being annoying and obnoxious—you’ve probably gotten “the look” from friends and strangers alike. You know the one—it says, “What's wrong with you? Why aren’t you doing something about your child’s behavior?!” It can make you feel like a terrible mom or dad, even if you know you’re doing everything you can to raise your child the best you know how. And the truth is, others will probably judge you—it’s human nature. If you're in this situation, it's natural to worry about your child disappointing you or embarrassing you, and also worry about how others will react to your child’s misbehavior and blame you.

See What You Can Do:
But when your child is acting out and you’re feeling judged by others, stop and say to yourself, “I can’t read other people’s minds.” If you try to imagine what others are thinking, 95 percent of the time you’re going to read something negative there. That’s because whenever we’re negative, we interpret other people's perceptions of us as negative, too. And in these situations we don’t read people’s minds in search of hope. We read them in search of criticism—especially when something is going wrong. So when you feel yourself trying to guess what your neighbor, your mother-in-law or your friends are thinking, just tell yourself, “I’m not a mind-reader; I don’t know what they’re thinking.” Stop the tape that’s playing in your head and move on. This is also part of the process of learning how to engage in "positive self-talk," or talking to yourself in a way that promotes calmness and hope, rather than panic.



4. “I Hate You, Mom!”
One of the hardest things parents face is when their child is mean, rude or disrespectful. Your child may have always been this way, or the change in their personality might have seemingly happened overnight—perhaps when they hit the pre-teen years. Your 10-year-old loves being with you, but the next thing you know, she’s screaming “I hate you,” calling you names, and refusing to go anywhere with you.

Calm Down, or are you thinking of putting a knife to that mouth? This is what you can do:
The words “I hate you” can have the power to reduce any parent to tears or anger—it can make you feel like you’ve failed and wonder where you went wrong. Kids know that saying these words can paralyze a parent during a fight, which is why they use this tactic to get what they want. As hard as it is, try not to personalize your child’s behavior. When you personalize things, it makes it very hard to be objective about how to respond to your child in the moment. A good thing to do when this happens is stop, breathe, and instead of a knee-jerk reaction, respond with (for example), “We’re not talking about that right now. We’re talking about the fact that you need to do your homework.”

You can also ask yourself, “What does my child really need from me right now?” It might be some space, or it might be for you to follow through on a consequence you issued. But remember, try not to take these words from your kids personally.


5. Letting go.
During your child's pre-adolescence and adolescence, you are constantly confronted with letting go, especially if your kid seems to need to learn things the hard way. A natural part of adolescence is risk taking – which often results in breaking rules and inappropriate behavior. It becomes extremely important as a parent to be able to disconnect from your own emotional response to this misbehavior (feeling guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, or simply disappointed). As parents, when our kids get older, we need to pull back and become coaches and teachers, still loving our children as people, but giving them space to learn.

Do This:
As painful as it is to accept sometimes, our children are born to move away from us. There is a sense of grief that goes along with this. It’s important to remember that this work of caring for our children while they are constantly separating from us and becoming individuals can be stressful and demanding.

Speechless! Children can indeed sometimes put their parents in very difficult situations. As it stands, she is an adult and she consented to having sex. Since she knows of the consequencies of engaging in unprotected sex, she should as well be ready to carry the child. Children! Children!! Kai children!!!

What do you do when your child tells you about some risky behaviors that a friend of theirs is engaging in, and you know the friend’s parents?

This is a question that terrifies many parents of teenagers. When one parent has an, “I know something you don’t know” piece of information, it can become a wedge in an otherwise beautiful friendship between two parents. The holder of this potential landmine of information may think, “I would want a parent or friend to tell me if my teen was engaging in risky behaviors.”

Say your teen comes to you with a story about a friend who got pretty drunk at a party. Feeling worried for their friend, they share this story with you. They feel uncomfortable and lack the experience and strategy to deal with it in an effective way. They don’t need your judgment; they need your help.

What happens is you go right into “the lecture:”

“You are not allowed to ever go to that house again! If I ever find out you have been drinking or taking drugs, you will be grounded. I don’t want you hanging out with those kids again, period”

After a speech like this, you can be assured that your teen will NEVER come to you again for help. They may even start seeing his or her friends without your knowledge or permission. If you immediately call the parent of the kid(s) they told you about, you can also be assured that your teen will NEVER come to you again for help.

As a parent faced with these scenario, what would be your advise?

This is just the best time for the Military to follow up on their recent successes, and finish off this ragtags.

These days, we’re bombarded with mixed messages about how to parent “the right way.” It’s easy to buy into advice from the media, relatives, and other parents and start to worry that we’re doing something wrong. Part of the reason this is happening is because adults, just like kids, are over-stimulated. We’re more wired and connected, which means we’re receiving more outside input than ever before. We have easy access to advice (good and bad) on the web, to information about how other parents are doing things, and to each other through social networking sites.

This means we’re also more actively comparing ourselves to others—and getting more judgment and criticism from others as a result. We’re on an informational and emotional overload, which is causing many, many parents to feel overwhelmed and confused.

One of the most important ways to clear through all the clutter of advice, guilt and comparisons to others is to understand what you are and aren't responsible for when it comes to raising your child.

What you are not responsible for:

Making sure your kids are always happy:
Don’t get this twisted—it’s good for your kids to be happy overall. But that means there will be plenty of times, especially when you’re parenting responsibly, that your kids will be furious with you when you set limits or give them a consequence. That’s part of your job description as the executive officer—not to make decisions based on what your kids will like, tolerate, or be okay with, but to make the decisions that are best for them and your family business, then follow through.


Getting the approval of others.
Rationally, you do not need other adults in your life to tell you that you are doing the right thing. Parenting is not a popularity contest in your family or in your community. Sure, it feels great when other adults, such as your child’s teachers, tell you your child is doing something well, but it’s not necessary in order for you to run your family business well.


Controlling your children.
Your children are not puppets and you are not a puppeteer. There is just no logical way that you can control every move your child makes or everything your child says, especially outside of your home. Children have their own free will and will act on their own accord—and often in self-interest. As James Lehman says, “You can lead a horse to water, and you can’t make them drink—but you can make them thirsty.”


Doing for your children what they are capable of doing for themselves.
Many, many times our children will ask us to do something for them that we know they are capable of doing on their own. Your child of say 8 years and above might not make his bed perfectly the first time, but practice (and doing it imperfectly several times) is what he needs in order to get to the point where he or she can do it on their own. I’m not saying to stop preparing breakfast for your child once she’s old enough to pour her own cereal, or to never do anything to help your kids out in a pinch. What I am saying is to let your kids struggle sometimes and try your best to balance the responsibility. Typing a child’s paper for him because you type faster and it’s getting close to bedtime is not striking a balance.

You do not have to be Superman, Wonder Woman, Mike Brady, or June Cleaver.
These are all fictional characters that seem to do it all and do it perfectly, right? You’re not one of them, nor should you strive to be. Rather than focusing on addressing every behavior issue or adhering to a perfect schedule each day, try to hit the important targets and realize that you might have to let some smaller things go each day. We call this picking your battles.

Above all else, remember that your child is unique and you know them better than anyone else on the planet. You will always get input, no matter how obvious or subtle, from the world around you as to how you should parent your child. You, however, are the expert on your child and get to make your own decisions about how to parent them in a way that teaches them to be independent and accountable while also being loving and respectful of your child and their needs.

The father is seen as the anchor of the family. The stabilizer, the provider, the protector, the engine man, the lover; in short, he is called VOLTRON, defender of the universe (those children of the early eighties will understand the carton character, voltron.)

Adikwu (father of death), Echo (stone) forget about Cold Stone Stev Ustin of WWF.

cococandy: The way the breasttfeeding is described in the OP makes it sound evil.
Kilode?

No! it is not about breast-feeding per-say, but on texting and breast-feeding. If you read it again, you will discover I said it was a quotation by a mother on a forum. On the contrary, breast-feeding is not evil, my daughter was on exclusive for 6 months, my mum even told me, I was on breast milk for 3 years. ( I was told I normally run back to take a mouth full of milk and return back to continue playing )

April07: Any woman who feels that way while breastfeeding her baby has no business being a mother..

I believe a woman should be filled with love for a baby at her bosoms...

True. I know a mothers who swore not to allow her nipple in her baby's mouth; beyond 3 weeks max. She doesn't want it sagging. She actually did it for her first two kids. The husband threatened her with their third child to do the sucking himself if she denies her, she had to give him .

I got this quotation from a forum discussion by a mother, and it got me laughing:

"Texting while you're breastfeeding is not going to make you tense. It's going to make you feel slightly more connected to the rest of humanity and slightly less like a milk-covered sweaty captive beast who is milked every hour for 2 Months by an incredibly cruel and demanding tiny master who gives you no affection in return for 24 hour intensive care, and in fact actively causes you pain and attempts to cover you in his fluids at least once a day, while you cry and watch daytime television.

Will texting while breastfeeding turn nursing mothers' breast milk into baby STRESS POISON, OR a means to actually set mothers free from their "tyrannical infants"

Could this be the reason why the child occasionally bite the mummy's nipple to get her attention?

Corporal Punishment undermines your relationship with your child, makes kids feel worse about themselves (which makes them act worse) and sabotages your child's development of self-discipline. Isn't our goal to help your child feel good and act better? Positive parenting starts by creating a good relationship with your child, so that he responds to gentle guidance as opposed to threats and punishment. The most effective discipline strategy is having a close bond with your child. Kids who feel connected to their parents naturally want to please them.

Think Loving Guidance, not corporal punishment. Loving guidance is setting limits and reinforcing expectations as necessary, but in an empathic way that helps the child focus on improving their behavior rather than on being angry at you.

Opening the gift before your guest could be very embarrassing and perceived as being arrogant. It's like you gave a gift of cash to someone, and he stood before you counting it, like you are paying back money he borrowed you. You may as well tell them to keep their gifts.

I do not envy those men who are not married yet Thinking of other new ways to make the proposal.

Well! Well!! very easy to say. How easy to profer all solutions when we are not saddled with the responsibity yet, but when face to face with the challenges, we begin to sing a different song. Ask Capt. Ruben Abati.

Wishing Atiku all the best in his Presidential move.

Well! Well!! very easy to say. How easy to profer all solutions when we are not saddled with the responsibity yet, but when face to face with the challenges, we begin to sing a different song. Ask Capt. Ruben Abati.

No need beating him now, doing such pushes them further away. Try and gain his confidence and he will be willing to tell you some things. Also try and know his friends, at his age, peer pressure plays a very critical role. Try to get any of his trusted buddies on your side, that could also help.

I know how you feel, probably you did what you did unconsciously, not to spite your dad in anyway, afterall PHCN could still have seized the power even before you could even iron any of the cloth.

For next time sake, just iron your dad's own first. You know parents loves to be treated special by their kids, do that if it is within you means, it wont hurt. I do same in my home, if i need to iron, i iron that of my wife, my daughter and mine comes last. I just enjoy doing it that way. Just apologize to poppsie and all is well.

He is gradually growing into a man. At 14, an occassional raise especially in the mornings are natural. Regarding the frequency of the raise, the body is only naturally responding to something he has seen or is thinking about. You may need to have a chat with him to know if he is nocturing a relationship somewhere or is been helping himself with some gengen pictures or videos.
If you have not spoken to him about sex education before, this could pose a great challenge, but if you have been engaging him in conversation about sex, this more or less could be piece of cake. Best bet, just talk with him.

find out how moms really live their lives, and how they feel about their kids, partners and other moms. Read on to hear the juiciest secrets they revealed.

Confession #1: She Uses Her Kids to Get Out of Things
Invited out by someone you think is boring? Kids provide a convenient excuse to bow out things, according to almost 84% of moms surveyed. In fact, 45% reported using their kids to get out of social obligations around once a month. One mom even confessed to using them as a trump card with her husband: “I have used obligations for the kids—homework, projects, laundry—to get out of sex.”

Confession #2: Mom Has a Favorite Child
You swear up and down to your kids that you love them equally, but for almost 14% of moms surveyed, that’s not true; in their heart of hearts, they have a fave. As one mom said: “I love all my kids equally, but I *enjoy* one of them more. I try to not let it show in my behavior with all my kids, but I fear it may seep out.”

Confession #3: She Judges Other Moms
Ever felt judged by another mom? Well, you weren’t just imagining it. A scant 12% of moms claimed to not give a hoot what other moms do, but the other 88% admitted they let the judgments fly. Top among the behaviors most likely to garner dirty looks? Sixty-six percent of moms said a bratty kid. Weight and eating issues also hit a nerve for many moms. Almost 37% judge a mom with an overweight child, and 34% look down on kids eating junk food.

Confession #4: She Medicates…Her Kids
You’ve seen her—the mom trying to reason with the shrieking kid at 30,000 feet. Or maybe you’ve been her. Either way, desperate times call for desperate measures, and fear of having an unruly child motivates almost 18% of moms surveyed to medicate their child before a long car trip or a flight. Almost 8% of moms even said they sometimes do it on a regular night at home, just to get some peace and quiet! (Probably, Mr. Ibu suffered this )

Confession #5: She’s Distracted by Technology
Here’s the good news: only 5% of moms owned up to their child getting hurt because they were busy texting or surfing the web. The bad news: 18% have had close calls, which means that nearly a quarter of the moms surveyed are a little too attached to their tech devices. Back away from the iPhone, Mom!

Confession #6: She’ll Take Sleep Over Sex
Nap or nookie? Once the kids are asleep, almost 53% of moms would take a good night of sleep over mind-blowing sex any day. Being tired is an almost universal complaint among the moms we surveyed. As one mom put it: “Everyone tells you to enjoy the time you have with your kids while they are young, but sometimes I am just so tired and worn out, enjoying them just feels like more work!”

Confession #7: She Wants a Do-Over
Ask any mom if she’s happy with how things turned out, and she’ll probably say yes to your face. But anonymously, 71% of moms told us if they could do it all over again, they’d do it a little differently. Almost 23% would choose another spouse, 21% wished they had more kids and 19% would pick a more flexible career path. A slim 4% ‘fessed up to questioning the decision to have children altogether. “Although I love my children and wouldn't trade them for the world, there are times when I wish I could have a ‘do-over’ and maybe start having them later in life,” said one mom. “I do miss being able to do things spontaneously and only having to worry about myself.”

Confession #8: She Sends Her Kid to School Sick
Junior’s complaining of a stomachache, but he hasn’t thrown up, and you’ve got a big day at work. Send him to school or keep him home? If you’re like 49% of our working mom respondents, you let him go to school or daycare and hope for the best. “I gave my child Advil and sent him to day care with a fever,” shared one mom. “I figured he had gotten it from the other kids in the class, and I had already missed 15 days of work with him being sick.”

Confession #9: She’s Weird About Breastfeeding
Society sends a lot of mixed messages about nursing, and it turns out moms have internalized the debate. While 18% of moms say they judge others for choosing not to breastfeed, even more—42%—confess they get sketched out over extended breastfeeding. “I breastfed my daughter until after she was 2, but my mom and husband are the only ones that know that,” one respondent wrote.

Confession #10: Mom Wants to be Left Alone
Me time, when you can do whatever you darn well please, becomes practically non-existent once you’re a parent, and our survey found it’s the pre-baby luxury that moms miss most. Out of everything they miss from before kids—a better body, more disposable income, time with friends—23% of moms most crave alone time. “I can't wait to get away from my kids sometimes. I need alone time (even away from my husband),” wrote one mom. Fourteen percent most pine for their pre-baby body and an equal number put sleep as #1 on their wish list.

naturally: Hitting doesnt make a difference on naija kids

Lol! Really.

Imagine your husband or wife losing their temper and screaming at you. Now imagine them three times as big as you, towering over you. Imagine that you depend on that person completely for your food, shelter, safety, protection. Imagine they are your primary source of love and self-confidence and information about the world, that you have nowhere else to turn. Now take whatever feelings you have summoned up and magnify them by a factor of 1000. That is something like what happens inside your child when you get angry at him or her.

Of course, all of us get angry at our children, even, sometimes, enraged. The challenge is to call on our maturity so that we control the expression of that anger, and therefore minimize its negative impact.

Anger is scary enough. Name calling or other verbal abuse, in which the parent speaks disrespectfully to the child, takes a higher personal toll, since the child is dependent on the parent for his very sense of self. And children who suffer physical violence, including spanking, have been proven to exhibit lasting negative effects that reach into every corner of their lives.

If your young child does not seem afraid of your anger, it’s an indication that he or she has seen too much of it and has developed defenses against it -- and against you. The unfortunate result is a child who is less likely to want to behave to please you, and is more open to the influences of the peer group That means you have some repair work to do. Whether or not they show it -- and the more often we get angry, the more defended they will be, and therefore less likely to show it -- our anger is nothing short of terrifying to our children.

How Then Can We Handle this anger?

Since we’re human, we’ll sometimes find ourselves in “fight or flight” mode, and your child will start to look like the enemy. When we're swept with anger, we're physically ready to fight. Hormones and neurotransmitters are flooding our bodies. They cause your muscles to tense, your pulse to race, your breathing to quicken. It's impossible to stay calm at those points, but we all know that clobbering our kids -- while it might bring instant relief -- isn't really what we want to do.

So commit now to No hitting, No swearing, No calling your child names, No meting out any punishment while angry. What about screaming? Never at your children, that's a tantrum. If you really need to scream, go into your car with the windows rolled up and scream where no one can hear, and don't use words, because those make you angrier.

Your children get angry too, so it’s a double gift to them to find constructive ways to deal with your anger: you not only don’t hurt them, you offer them a role model. Your children will certainly see you angry from time to time, and how you handle those situations will teach them a lot. Will you teach them that might makes right? That parents have tantrums too? That screaming is how adults handle conflict? If so, they'll adopt these behaviors as a badge of how grown-up they are.

Or will you model for your child that anger is part of being human, and that learning to manage anger responsibly is part of becoming mature?

aisha2: Great article.
It surely cant be easy with the economy and all, crazy fees, the belief that the men have to pay for it all, high rent, traffic and work commute. I hail the fathers who go through that all week and come home each day dropping their worries at the gate and scooping their excited kids up high to the sky, giving piggy back rides ad checking home work.
Nigeria is enough to drive one crazy you have to provide your own transport, your own security, your own water and your own quality education, it can't be easy carrying the burden of knowing you have to provide all these for your kids thinking of where, how the money will come yet never letting your kids worry about it for a day or notice your distress for a second.

Finding a balance is key, the world's worries or work laid will never finish but your kids will grow up, your kids will get to a stage where you may not even exist to them, when they need you, worship and admire you is when they are young, build the bond with them them, you can't defer it, kids won't stay on pause till you have the time.

Great Follow-up aisha2. Am inspired!

Fathers often find themselves in a tug of war, caught between the demands of work and those of the family.

The beliefs of fathers related to the family/work balance fell into three types:

Dads that believe work trumps family
Dads that believe work and family are equally important
Dads that believe family trumps work

Regardless of a father's belief, his attitude on work/family balance has significant implications for the family.

Some dads live to work rather than work to live. Mr. Lagbaja believes that he must do whatever it takes to keep his job, so his family takes a back seat to his work. He believes that to fulfill his role as a father he must put his job first. Being a good provider, Lagbaja says, Is fulfilling his role as a father. As a result, he believes he is justified in sacrificing his family for his work, doing whatever he has to do to ensure he keeps his job. Lagbaja appears to be held hostage by his job.

He doesn't believe it would be any different at another company since "that is how it is in my industry, and in Nigeria", so Lagbaja doesn't look for a new job (where is even the work).

For some dads, an effort is made to maintain a fine balance between work and family since they consider them intertwined and equally important. Just as you can't be with your family 20 hours per day and hold a job, or spend 20 hours per day at work and be an effective dad, occasional compromises between work and family are required to maintain a happy medium. For these dads, keeping work and family equal is a matter of pragmatism. On an emotional or ideal basis they believe that family is the higher priority. They believe that fulfilling their role as a father includes being a good provider, in fine balance with family life. They are defensive of family time, being intentional in their efforts to not let work rob their kids and family of time with their dad. One dad adjusts his shifts so he can spend more time with his kids. He'll swap shifts to be at home even for a brief period at dinner time when he can ask the kids about their day. Another dad, a teacher, goes into work early so when he comes home in the evening his family has his full attention. Some dads maximize precious family time by including their kids in everything they do or wherever they go outside of work. Rather than stay in a job that intrudes into family time and is inflexible, many of these dads look for a new job that enables family time. These dads aren't immune from the challenges of separating career and family priorities. In practice they are willing and intentional in their effort to compromise as best they can keep their career and family roles balanced.

Unless a dad is independently wealthy and doesn't need to work, it is normal for him to be confronted with conflicting priorities of work and family. How the father addresses the balance of work and family has significant positive or negative ramifications for all stakeholders; himself, his family, and his employer.

Are You a Dad? How are you able to go balance the pressure of work and family?

Both parents and school should be responsible, but a greater responsibility lies with the parents. Sex education should not be viewed as a one big talk fixed for a special day, rather a continueous conversation between the parents and their wards, which can even start as early as 3years by first making them understand the basic areas of their bodies and puberty and as time goes, they are introduced into other grey areas using very simple words. Such conversations between parents and their kids establishes confidence and assurance in the child which will always make him or her to open up to thier parents if they are faced with other conflicting views else where on sexuality

You probably wouldn't use old-school phrases like "Wait until your father gets home" (this was my mums song back then, my dad was a Military man) or "I wish you were more like your sister" with your kids. But there are lots of less obvious ones that you should avoid, for their sake and yours. Check them out:

1. "Great Job."
Research has shown that tossing out a generic phrase like "Good girl" or "Way to go" every time your child masters a skill makes her dependent on your affirmation rather than her own motivation. Save the kudos for when they're truly warranted, and be as specific as you can. Instead of "Super game," say, "That was a nice assist. I like how you looked for your teammate."

2. "Practice makes perfect."
It's true that the more time your child devotes, the sharper his skills will become. However, this adage can ramp up the pressure he feels to win or excel. "It sends the message that if you make mistakes, you didn't train hard enough. "I've seen kids beat themselves up, wondering, 'What's wrong with me? I practice, practice, practice, and I'm still not the best.'" Instead, encourage your child to work hard because he'll improve and feel proud of his progress.

3. "You're okay."
When your child scrapes his knee and bursts into tears, your instinct may be to reassure him that he's not badly hurt. But telling him he's fine may only make him feel worse. "Your kid is crying because he's not okay. Your job is to help him understand and deal with his emotions, not discount them. Try giving him a hug and acknowledging what he's feeling by saying something like, "That was a scary fall." Then ask whether he'd like a bandage or a kiss (or both).

4. "Hurry up!"
Your child dawdles over his or her breakfast, insists on tying her own sneakers (even though she hasn't quite mastered the technique yet), and is on pace to be late for school -- again. But pushing her to get a move on creates additional stress. Soften your tone slightly by saying, "Let's hurry," which sends the message that the two of you are on the same team. You can also turn the act of getting ready into a game: "Why don't we race to see who can get her pants on first?"

5. "I'm on a diet."
Watching your weight? Keep it to yourself. If your child sees you stepping on the scale every day and hears you talk about being "fat," she may develop an unhealthy body image. It's better to say, "I'm eating healthy because I like the way it makes me feel." Take the same tack with working out. "I need to exercise" can sound like a complaint, but "It's beautiful outside -- I'm going to take a walk" may inspire her to join you.

6. We Can't Afford That
It's easy to use this default response when your child begs you for the latest toy. But doing so sends the message that you're not in control of your finances, which can be scary for kids. Your child may also call you on this claim if you turn around and make an expensive household purchase. Choose an alternative way to convey the same idea, such as, "We're not going to buy that because we're saving our money for more important things." If she insists on discussing it further, you have a perfect window to start a conversation about how to budget and manage money.

7. "Don't talk to strangers."
This is a tough concept for a young child to grasp. Even if a person is unfamiliar, she may not think of him as a stranger if he's nice to her. Plus, kids may take this rule the wrong way and resist the help of police officers or others whom they don't know. Instead of warning them about strangers, bring up scenarios ("What would you do if a man you don't know offers you candy and a ride home?", have her explain what she'd do, then guide her to the proper course of action. Since the vast majority of child-abduction cases involve someone a kid already knows, you might also adopt McBride's favorite safety mantra: "If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away."

8. "Be careful."
Saying this while your child is balancing on the monkey bars at the playground actually makes it more likely that he'll fall. "Your words distract him from what he's doing, so he loses focus,". If you're feeling anxious, move close to spot him in case he takes a tumble, being as still and quiet as you can.

9. "No dessert unless you finish your dinner."
Using this expression increases a child's perceived value of the treat and diminishes his enjoyment of the meal itself -- the opposite of what you want to accomplish, says Parents advisor David Ludwig, M.D., Ph.D., director of the New Balance Foundation Obesity Prevention Center at Boston Children's Hospital and author of Ending the Food Fight. Tweak your message along these lines: "First we eat our meal and then we have dessert." The wording change, though subtle, has a far more positive impact on your child.

10. "Let me help."
When your child is struggling to build a block tower or finish a puzzle, it's natural to want to give him a hand. Don't. "If you jump in too soon, that can undermine your child's independence because he'll always be looking to others for answers," says Myrna Shure, Ph.D., professor emeritus of psychology at Drexel University in Philadelphia and author of Raising a Thinking Child. Instead, ask guiding questions to help him solve the problem: "Do you think the big piece or the little one should go at the bottom? Why do you think that? Let's give it a try."

The bible is not scarce, and the one figure we should aim towards edifying is Jesus. I have made it a point of duty not to be carried away by men who profess christ. The reason perhaps why men of God of old never carried along by their wives on their missionary journeys could possibly be because of the difficult terrain then. In most cases, theygo on several kilometers on foot, but in this time and age, i do not believe their wives cannot be carried along. On this part, I disagree with the man of God, Kriss. If you want to properly do the work, then stay unmarried, but as long as you took the decision to be married, you owe your family your attention to a large extent.

since all their plan have started to fail in recent times, this will not be an exception. Kudos to the Nigerian soldiers. Weldone boys, we are with you all the way as you continue to crush the flies called bokos.

maynation: i swear i give up.

why worry yourself. Take a look at his signature na! That should give you a hint. He is enjoying himself.