₦airaland Forum

phr0nesis:
Moderators please epp us make someone impotent

Well, you see, this thread is crap! I hate to be the one to tell you though.

tsspsolutions:
This guy is smart.

If you think he's smart and can't see a loophole to his folly... Says a lot about you.

You didn't see the instances when he called Obaseki godforsaken names? Then it means, Ize-Iyamu is a bad product. He's always been a bad product, a thief.

Goalnaldo:
tell your sister not to snub good guys or she may turn to an evening newspaper.

Your message is well recieved, except of course, the 'evening newspaper' thingy. I do not condone condescending remarks toward my sisters. Let it be known, though, that being good alone doesn't attract her. What you have or claim to have upstairs is an added attractive force. And oh, she loves them really dark and NL guys aren't her thing.

Goalnaldo:
lol I thought he said you are his sister

She's my sister, my kid sister. She's throwing tantrums because I told her I don't want her to have a boyfriend yet.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Or you would do what?

I believe you are smart. At least, that's how you make yourself seem. Check the meaning out yourself.

I know the meaning but I don't just know if you do. So I want you to tell me what you think pumpum means.

Again, I'm not smart, neither am I trying to be. But if you think I am smart, then guess where that places you

jaxxy:
Saw normal humans eating it and joined. If I saw an alien or sm crazies eating it I won’t join them to do such.

Secondly u can have a nutritionist confirm if its edible.

The same nutritionist said you can also eat this albino cucumber. The cucumber has the same nutrient as do green cucumber.

jaxxy:
U don’t have to eat everything u see. Not everything is for consumption.

How did you know you can eat the green cucumber?

UyaiIncomparabl:
Yes, I have. Got some at Osogbo the last time I travelled there. Any more questions?

Don't be hot blooded.

How does it taste?

Oreoluwa5:
A voltage guard. Something like this

I know it bro. I was just trying to catch some fun.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Are you trolling me or what?

Heck, I know what it is, ok? You pumpum.

What is the meaning of pumpum? You'd better construct and choose your reply well, 'cause i won't have you referring to me in a denigrading manner. Be wise girl.

Little sister UyaiIncomparabl, have you seen one?

Oreoluwa5:
Dont plug ur TV directly attach it to a TV guard

UyaiIncomparabl, what is a TV guard?

paulolee:
yeah...i get ur point but still insist thaf assuming lampard made him to sit out some games when the dropped form, he would work harder and gain more confidence when he comes baxk to the team..
i still think the work of 2nd choices goal keeper is to compete with the first choice and come above him when the first cboice drops form..
this kepa and de gea kips fumbling wen it matters most and they still keep selecting both..

He was benched for 5 matches, the board began to complain and he got reinstated.

I get your point though.

paulolee:
i got ur point but pls am more a fan of pep than mou, I jus like mou no nonsense character...
let me stress my point..me calling lampard too soft simply means that he would have benched kepa for a very long time and even after the first half of the season because the kid seems too short on confidence...
lampard just bowed to pressure recently and placed him on the bench after that liverpool disaster..

What would benching him for half a season would have solved? Frankly, epl fans are not patient enough to see you lose games constantly. If kepa was benched and caballero start conceding goals, do you think their fans would reason with him? We both know how mischievous chelsea fans could get and before you know it, placards carrying 'lampard out' will be everywhere.

paulolee:
meaning ur kepa have changed or what person wey pep go don use bench kill since the start of season wey him de flop...or is he better than bravo

No, do not shift the goal post. What you initially said was that you blame lampard for not showing him who called the shots. This is a guy whom lampard has benched, got him another keeper coach but nothing improved. Chelsea got him for a lot of money and it will be a burden to them, financially, if he earns while not playing.

I have never heard anyone complain of lampard being too soft. He benches kante, pulisic, abraham, kepa, williams. So what are you saying?

I know you're a mourinho's fan, don't rub it everywhere 'cause it is appalling.

paulolee:
it looked like the ranting of a spoilt rich brat.
i cant blame him atall, i blame chelsea and lampard for not showing him who calls the shots..
is it not the same kepa that openly refused to be subbed after they were plans to sub him against city last season??.
that's the crime of being so soft and too friendly with your squad because you dare not try such joke with mourinho, you would spend the rest of ur career on d bench, no loan, no transfer..

he isnt bigger than cassilas that was the captain of madrid and spain back then, he crossed lines and mourinho dealt with him and turned to a bench warmer in madrid and spain..

HomerTimpson:
at least you will get something out of him no matter what,my now club manager and some clowns just agreed to close eyes and trash a whooping £80m on some shmuck cos he's a citizen

£80m Maguire.

paulolee:
it looked like the ranting of a spoilt rich brat.
i cant blame him atall, i blame chelsea and lampard for not showing him who calls the shots..
is it not the same kepa that openly refused to be subbed after they were plans to sub him against city last season??.
that's the crime of being so soft and too friendly with your squad because you dare not try such joke with mourinho, you would spend the rest of ur career on d bench, no loan, no transfer..
he isnt bigger than cassilas that was the captain of madrid and spain back then, he crossed lines and mourinho dealt with him and turned to a bench warmer in madrid and spain..

How often do you watch football? The nonsense that kepa did last season was with sarri, a different coach. This is lampard, the new coach.

silentEXPLOSION:
Me looking at 2019 like

I hope it's not 2020 that is in red ooo
Let my 2020 be bountiful.

It is, bro.

stanliwise:
My own experience wasn’t funny back then I went to a friend house. I knew they have a very aggressive dog, so I didn’t even bother to enter, I called the guy, only for his younger(About six years) bro to come out and started whining me about me afraid of his dog, in same atmosphere I too was whining him that I am not afraid of the dog and the dog can’t do anything.
My friend came and we were discussing, lol and behold the smallie don go release dog carry am with no chain dey come meet me o. As I sight the dog from far running in light speed, my friend turn back to go stop am, but me as a sharp guy don know say dog go escape. Omo na so me I start my own race o like 1000miles gap before the dog but as I turn back ehn e be like say the dog teleport to my back of leg. Omo see shout “yeeeeyeeeeeyeeee”, As I Dey run the next thing my mind tell me Na to jump inside gutter, omo I jump inside o, the dog ran back. All the girls and even friends sisters and everyone on the street where just looking at me inside gutter . Omo shame nor catch me, na God I just dey thank say the dog nor bite me.

Everybody just dey look me, some dey shout for guy wey get dog. Anyway I had minor injuries and a little dislocation but no bite. Later on my friends were now telling me that I should not have run(for my mind I be like If I hear). O boy since then until them change the size of chain and anytime the chain is lock that I use to come to visit o.

True. No run next time.

handsomebeauty8:
Dogs can only bark at me but cannot chase me.

When once I do as if I want to carry a weapon on the ground, it will run away.

Don't ever try this with a fierce foreign dog, especially a rott.

oluwaseunamos33:
I've never been chase by dog before simply because it's an abomination for dog to even come near me. If any dog try to near me, it will die by thunder. Am from Royal family and if you daot it, turn urself to dog and come near me

Nonsensical nonsense and trash talk.

xanie:
Dog is even better.. Ever been chased by a Turkey? That animal no get respect.

I swear. haven't been chased by a dog yet, just a fierce looking, big turkey.

chatinent:
One afternoon after returning from work so fatigued, I had to take a nap (nap turned to a real four hours sleep). I woke up during eventide and felt like getting fruits myself by the roadside just about a stone-throw from my place.
.

As I was moving, sth just told me cucumber will be ideal, therefore, I had to cross to the other side of the road to get it.
.
I was heading home and that same sth in my head that has been advising me since I woke up opined that it's suggesting I buy groundnuts to eat the cucumbers along. It also spiced everything in my head once like: 'after the buying of the groundnut and you reach home, why not just put the cucumber in the fridge to chill a little, then enjoy it with the groundnut.' Well, it seemed nice. I had to go back to get groundnuts.
.
Now, this was where the problem started.
.
I thought about not coming outside again so I wanted to get everything that will definitely keep me indoors. I bought some fried meat and kpomo. Waiting for my balance, I was thinking whilst searching for other things I likely will need.
.
I bin dey reason wetin I wan use step down those things I don tanda. I was like '..should I buy this Zero Coke or Hollandia Yogurt or should..' I was interrupted by seeing Sop (short for Sopuruchi) closeby who's 1. Has always pestered me to know where I stay, 2. I don't like her way of life, coupled with fact that she was ready to just come, come dey swallow kpomo anyhow with toothpick without conscience. Personally too, I'm not the sort who brings anyone to my place and dont like unauthorized visits.
.
She's so self-centered that before you say Jack, she's uncorked one Heneiken and flushed it down her throat, and still be talking rubbish with you between mouthfuls of more swallowed beef. She's well known for that. Believe me bro, I've seen her attack sb so I took cover and I wasn't ready to overspend (when salary no go even come until two weeks later).
.
I walked then entered into a close there. God so kind, an uncompleted building (duplex) was adjacent with gates opened so I stood there and remembered I had to call a friend I promised I'd call a day before.
.
I dailed the number relaxed on a wall stamping a foot repeatedly. I could hear some noise the other side of the building: maybe they were partying I thought.
.
As the phone was still connecting, ha, I was just hearing another strange noise. I thought my ears where deceiving and resounding the stamping of my foot more loudly. Nna eh, chains were beginning to hit together and the ground shaking like sth was about to collapse.
.
O crazy me, I bent down to the ground as if to hear if the ground was mumbling till it barked! It was a dog! No be bingo, I mean a DOG! If you see how big this dog was!
.
I swiftly started climbing the [uncompleted] staircase to save my life from this fat-headed brutal merciless lion-type dog. It dived at my leg (oh my cool leg)... but a chain stopped it from reaching the first floor where I mounted.
.
I didn't even realise sth initially; the music stopped playing. I didn't take notice. I dey up there (feeling I defeated the dog), I bent and poured some sand as ' talk bark to the hand' abi was it to scare it? Dog was just gnashing its teeth looking at me. I even did ntoor to it. I decided to urinate on it cos I thought it wouldn't understand a middle finger. Of course, I spat at the asshole. That wasn't all. I take stone dey stone the dog until I turned around to meet many seated human beings looking at me (I mean very many people) who was attending a burial adjacent the wall; the MISDEEMED PARTY.
.
Chai, I wished I could just disappear that day. I was like 'father lord, just take my soul.' I couldn't go down and nowhere to hide. The MC was even on MIC like: 'Please, young man.., hello young man, yes you, we'll like you to come down as we'll like to continue please. ' Na me come mumu come signal am (cos he wouldn't hear me if I talked from there) make e come close and told him my ordeal. The mumu MC carry MIC announce am say who get dog over the building to go shift am say 'to help this innocent stranded young man' there. People laughed me die. Just imagine a very tall cute light-skinned guy wey carry nylon on a building na. The matter just tire me.
This life no just balance.
.
Well, it was one hell of an experience. Na that day I know there's a very giant difference between a dog and a bingo.
.
Las las, I still jam Sop for road as I was going home very nervous and angry. Wetin just dey ring my mind na 'just dare call me, in fact, just dare look at me.. If I no on LCD for you now..'
.
Well, I look back at some things that transpired long ago and I can only laugh.
.
Please share your experiences with dogs.

Boring piece. Got more boring when you opined 'this life no just balance', got the most boring when you started hyping your features when you should have talked more about the dog's features.

You stated when the dog caught your leg, but failed to state when the dog freed that leg. I give you 6/10

Sunofgod:
No wonder Lara left him.........'Class' is not all about money

Has it been confirmed?

Shugargal:
STFU.. Who ask you? must you tell us. holier than thou bleeps. mtwww

We all know you're a lesbian, so no one can take you seriously.

ElasticStone:
Moderators, abeg prove SirMichael1 wrong by doing the needful. I will forever remain loyal.

I just want to know the nairalanders that use to smoke weed

I'll auction my 9inch mandigo dick to the highest bidder if this makes fp.

The mods will not permit anything that will lead to baseless and redundant arguements.

Salem17:
Good morning memoir !

So here is an experience I had just a few minutes ago.

I love to read in the morning cos its very quiet and after waking up I'm fresh and energetic.
Now while studying somehow I thought of my ex,and then I tried to shake it off but it won't go away and finally I picked up my phone tried to dial her number but I couldn't, try to text her but I couldn't as well. I didn't even have anything to say,everything had been said. I just had to tell myself that this is me at my weakest point and I would see a lot of such moments so what happens if I feel lonely,run back ? . I would have to accept the "loneliness" as part of the whole experience. Bouts of loneliness would still come and calling or texting won't solve anything.
Whilst we were together I always called her in the morning to wake her up to read,and this went on for months so its an old habit so that explains why I thought of her this morning
. Its a fresh breakup by the way


If u dy read this sorry,I'm emotional weak when it comes to love I accept that,I'm not ashamed of Loving someone or being vulnerable because of it,but anyways I'm thrilled by the whole experience and I guess its a process of self discovery and its all part of being human.

I would listen to some music before I get back to my reading. Bon Iver would now take control

Good morning

Never in this fucking life tell any human your weakness, even your parents or wife. Die with it!

This world is still how it is because people somehow still believe in humanity. For the right amount of money and the right conditions, every human will fvck you up!

I've lost hope on humanity.

CallistaTea:
but pls ave you tried out all nairaland males?

Redirect your question to the op. I'm not.

She is right. Men are polygamous by nature and if they get married to one wife, they tend to cheat. Women are not and if they cheat, we understand that as that their feelings reside elsewhere. So, we break apart.

The 20% is caused by her relatives who will tell her to leave us because we followed nature, cheat.

Women causes divorce. Stay with us even after we cheat countless times.

CallistaTea:
Am sure there must be a reason for you to say this

Any reason will lead to the fall-back-to phrase, 'men are scum'.