₦airaland Forum

Jeromejnr:
This is the funniest thing I have read on nairaland in a long time

I'm happy that I made you laugh

sinkhole:
meen, are you a YouTube skit producer? I was just laughing anyhow
But, if true, na village people and Buhari cause am

I'm looking for opportunities. I write contents o. All are fictitious haha

Run FROM presidency or for presidency?

Many dark skin girls have expressed their sentiments on the disproportionate opportunities offered to them in comparison to light skin girls. Many have questioned the reason for upholding their dignity when no fruit falls at their feet. They are coerced to do unmentionable things to get favours. They work harder and some end up being the breadwinners in order to keep a man. Many of them have got their husbands after opening a business.
This has pushed many to bleach their skins to lighten up.
Many light skin girls just sit home, apply make-up and get rich men as husbands. Isn't this a cultural bigotry that needs to be addressed?

Naijanascam:
And this is..... Pastor Taribo West praying for politicians

the guy worwor sha. Why cant he fix that teeth? If not for money, na vulcaniser for fit am o

Why didn't Romario and Bebeto arrive too?

I attended a job interview Monday. I had passed 4 stages and this was the final interview. On the overall, I did very well but towards the ending my anus could no longer hold this big loud fart. I tried to squeeze the tip of my anus but it overwhelmed me and the fart came out like an oil drum exploding in a military cantonment.
The smell that ensued sent the interviewers running for their lives. One lady tripped on the threshold and got minor bruises as her right arm landed on the door frame.
In a few moments, the security guard asked me to leave that they will contact me by email.
So, I have been home since thinking how and why it happened.
What are my chances of getting this job?

Who cares?

I finally got a chance to meet this girl that I have always admired. She felt excited to meet me too. We had good chat like we had known each other forever and a few humour. We shared contacts. While I was laughing, my artificial tooth popped out and fell into her bra.
I pretended that I didn't know where it came from and quickly ended the conversation before she will notice my gap tooth. I didn't face her anymore and we had a very awkward conclusion.
So, how do I tell her that it was my tooth in her bra? Should I have collected the tooth from her? The date with my dentist is in 6 weeks. And she has been calling to meet me again. I have been avoiding her and giving all sorts of extreme excuses.
I am now thinking of wearing face mask to meet her. What do I do?

Yes. I sent a message and they banned me. But, this is my current predicament:

On Saturday it started drizzling in the morning and I rushed out to collect my clothes on the line. So, instead of picking one by one I spread my arms and collected them. Unbeknownst to me, I collected my neighbour's daughter's undies. Nice blue undies I love the design and color.
So, when she returned from school she started asking neighbours and surprisingly no one else was home at the time it rained. Girl is only 19ish and she has called her pastor to the house and they have been fasting and praying. They are trying to escalate the case and they might start imagining that I am a ritualist.
How do I return the undies without problems? Or, should I just throw it away? Cos, once I go near the line now, they are always watching from their windows

In summary, on Saturday it started drizzling in the morning and I rushed out to collect my clothes on the line. So, instead of picking one by one I spread my arms and collected them. Unbeknownst to me, I collected my neighbour's daughter's undies. Nice blue undies I love the design and color.
So, when she returned from school she started asking neighbours and surprisingly no one else was home at the time it rained. Girl is only 19ish and she has called her pastor to the house and they have been fasting and praying. They are trying to escalate the case and they might start imagining that I am a ritualist.
How do I return the undies without problems? Or, should I just throw it away? Cos, once I go near the line now, they are always watching from their windows.

I finally got a chance to meet this girl that I have always admired. She felt excited to meet me too. We had good chat like we had known each other forever and a few humour. We shared contacts. While I was laughing, my artificial tooth popped out and fell into her bra.
I pretended that I didn't know where it came from and quickly ended the conversation before she will notice my gap tooth. I didn't face her anymore and we had a very awkward conclusion.
So, how do I tell her that it was my tooth in her bra? Should I have collected the tooth from her? The date with my dentist is in 6 weeks. And she has been calling to meet me again. I have been avoiding her and giving all sorts of extreme excuses.
I am now thinking of wearing face mask to meet her. What do I do?

I have passed 4 stages and this is the final interview. On the overall, I did very well but towards the ending my anus could no longer hold this big loud fart. I tried to squeeze the tip of my anus but it overwhelmed me and the fart came out like an oil drum exploding in a cantonment.
The smell that ensued sent the interviewers running for their lives. In a few moments, the security guard asked me to leave that they will contact me by email.
So, I have been home since thinking how and why it happened.
What are my chances of getting this job?

Moderators please follow that topic with this one to be fair to all.

Useless

Who gave you the power to keep someone's blessings?

FormAL or former?


There is only one true way and that is the way of Christ. All these churches here and there na scam.
If your doctrine and way of life is not in conformity with the Bible, you are a worker of iniquity

CAN and MURIC, which is stronger?

I lost my aunt who was evangelical in June last year after Contracting Covid-19 and refusing the vaccine. After her death, I had this conversation with my Christian workmates who has been loudly opposing the Jehovah's witnesses on blood transfusion and he acted dumb. How he strongly opposes the Jehovah's witnesses on blood transfusion using science-based data. However his pastors are anti-vaccination. How they reject the science of the vaccine on the basis of their faith and strongly oppose the Jehovah's witnesses for doing so on blood transfusion.

I find this very hard to accept the hypocrisy in this.

Secondly, how they reject the science behind circumcision and embrace it when it is convenient, I am gutted.
As an ex-Sango worshipper, I see the laxity on spiritual sanctification and practice of homosexuality in the church, and in Mosques too and, I am embarrassed by the sanctimonious display of criticism from those who cannot criticise their own spiritual leaders but point their gangrene fingers at others.

I add weight so easy and so fast when I eat and sleep. Over the years I have starved myself to control my weight and it has caused me severe ulcers. Very bad one. I have spent a lot of time and money to find a permanent treatment. It is under control now but each time I go hungry it feels like I'm under a spell.
I get migraine and dizziness. Then worse off, I get boils that starts in my eye, then under arm, face, shoulder, back, then private areas.
If I go to bed early without heavy food, I wake up with boils in my eyes, dry eyes and then feeling sickly.
The thing is, I have been conscious of my weight since I was a teen. But, as I get older, my body is gets bigger and intimidating. I used to work out in the gym, but I stopped since it was only enlarging my muscles and growing my appetite. My arms are extreme and I don't want to look like a monster eventually. I just wanna be fit and healthy. I hate food but I can't deal with the pain from hunger. Doctors recommend carbs but I see no effects. It simply increases the number of times that I visit the convenience to return to eating again.
Are there other sufferers out there with same health issue? How do you deal with yours?

Sexualizing the minds of people is wrong. To consciously seduce people into immoral thought is evil. The mod that pushed this to frontpage is a demonic apologist. Rather than exciting Nigerians to excellence and growth, this is your illustrious agenda. Other nations are inventing while we stay venting because the mechanisms that should promote peace and brilliance are the very establishments for division and mayhem so as to enrich their rapacious appetite for money.

Meryem:
Your assumptions are obviously wrong.

How do you mean?

McGg:
It's now over to the police to bring the murderer(s) to book
Such a waisted beauty

which police? The only justice in Africa is jungle

Ladies, keeping secrets will end you in a secret grave. Meet strangers in public places. Go with a friend, do not go alone. Na no day hear. You will see all these things and yet act dumb and get killed.

badaru911:
...... Well that is their own opinion, Michelle Obama and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and many beautiful black women who are good wives won't accept to this...

y'all have to read to understand. I said, these dark skin girls have to work harder to balance the scale. Tell me why Gisele Bundchen is 10 times richer than Naomi campbell. Or, tell me why Celine Dion is 4 times richer than Whitney. Tell me why Charlize Theron could break through Hollywood while Mo'nique is jobless.
How could Jennifer Lopez be 3 times richer than Janet Jackson?
If a those listed dark skin were not successful, they wouldn't have met those men in matrimony.
Look at Nollywood too. Queen roles are given to light skin women. If a dark skin girl doesn't work, she isn't paid. Compare that to the lazy light skin women who achieved nothing but got these successful men. Need I mention Psquare, Sammy Okposo, AY, Ned Nwoko, Obasanjo, Yobo etc.
Their wives neither made them, nor made themselves. Most dark skin girls with successful men either made the men or are successful in their own rights.
Adichie, Michelle, Ezekwesili etc these women are ver much successful without their husbands

The reason why Russia exudes exuberance is because of its oil and gas. It has seen the dependence of the EU on its oil. That's why the EU has invested a lot in electric cars.
The sanctions will benefit Nigeria. That's why we need a young diplomat that can reach out to the EU and strike a better gas supply deal. We have no leader and no diplomat. Senseless men in agbada seizing power that they cannot use effectively.
The Chinese are cashing out on these sanctions big league.
Fact be told, no one wants to invite a pissing old man to a high table meeting. They are seeing all these piss piss pictures. A man who stools in high level gatherings cannot build up enough confidence to close a deal. Forget tribalism, see growth. Nigerians are suffering already.

BTW I have a rolex watch deep sea. Spent 15k dollars on it about 6 years ago. I wanna know how much I could sell it in naija if I should run outta cash and don't need to take a loan.

Many dark skin girls have expressed their sentiments on the disproportionate opportunities offered to them in comparison to light skin girls. Many have questioned the reason for upholding their dignity when no fruit falls at their feet. They are coerced to do unmentionable things to get favours. They work harder and some end up being the breadwinners in order to keep a man. Many of them have got their husbands after opening a business.
This has pushed many to bleach their skins to lighten up.
Many light skin girls just sit home, apply make-up and get rich men as husbands. Isn't this a cultural bigotry that needs to be addressed?

This story is good but it provides little or no clue to others who want to adopt a child as well

TMTR:

Hello, good day ,

https://www.nairaland.com/4538476/want-adopt-child

y'all remember the thread I created back in 2018 ,well I did succeed adopting a child, I adopted her from a orphanage and I will say my experience during the process of adopting her was really difficult than I Imagined, first I was a single young guy not even in my mid twenties yet and I had tattoos and lil tjay and lil baby kind of hair styles (those familiar with them will know the kind of hair style I am talking about ) oh mhen the stereotyping was off the roof, what did they not say, is it been called a ritualist , mhen I was suffered by the abusive words that was unleashed on me by all those women but I didn't relent and finally after everything I succeeded,

At one point , I wanted to go with my mum at least to show that I had no ulterior motive but then again I thought to myself, you can do this on your own and I am glad I overcame.

I began the process in mid 2018 and it was not until it late 2018 that my application was granted, I then proceeded with the rest formalities and I took my daughter home, she was 3 when I adopted her .

The first thing I did when we got home was to change her wardrobe, I took her shopping and bought two big boxes filled with clothes and shoes, also bought some female toys and other stuffs.

She was shy at first around me but with time ,she got used to me and became more free with me.

Mehn I must say so far adopting her was one of the best decision I have ever made in my life , I even tattooed her name on my arm, made me more responble in a way

And also in addition, chicks dig babies, like babies are like ladies' magnet. I never believe those statements to be true till I got my baby, like mehn you need to see the attention I get because of her, I mean we get because of her.

Don't get me wrong, ladies trip and drool over me before she came into my life but the amount of attention I get before her more than doubled . Before y'all start thinking this is the major reason I am happy I adopted her , let it be known that this is the least reason why I am happy..

All-in all she is God's blessings to me and I bless the day that I made the decision in adopting her.

She is such an Angel and a darling

I love her so much

Fatherhood is sweet

deekseen:
Much as I'm saying kudos to you for this feat I still think it's proper to raise a child in a family setting - A father, a mother and the child(ren).

Consider this.

what is your contribution to the rest of the kids still on the street and in the orphanages? I hate negative people raining down on positivity when the sun is shinning.

Thank you, bro. I will go through it now.

JoyousFurnitire:
I apologize,

I didn't mean it that way. I once came across this thread: https://www.nairaland.com/6740531/experience-adopting-child-nigeria-young
and the moniker was able to adopt a girl of the same age you desire.

Also, maybe look at state (unlike private) owned orphanage homes. I don't want to think they'll extort you.

Opeyemic01:
Lol...joke of the year

haha the mind is crazy

Ati-nuke means And nukes
Does it mean that anyone called Atinuke is dangerous?

What is the estimated start-up capital?
How much could be the estimated net profit?

dasparrow:
.

oga, there's no justification for Russia here. When did Ukraine join NATO? When did they even apply to join? Stop acting sagacious cos you're not.
If you ever worried about Nigerians, you failed to see the suffering. The Nigerian students have their dreams crushed by the Russians. All the money and years invested, gone.
So, how has the war helped you?