₦airaland Forum

jauntty: For his age the Eye are still developing, so it is still undergoing changes. But I would recommend you see an Eye doctor. If either phoria or tropia is detected then it can be corrected early to avoid Amblyopia.

Thank you

macof: Thank you sir. I would actually love this but how many people speak of polygamy without bringing their religious nonsense into it??
Even in this thread someone said christianity is against it

so it's only to be expected for a Christian to take his religious dogmas to judge biasly

I can tell u categorically that ur stand for polygamy is because of ur religion and dats why u r here nitpicking on those with contrary view.So people can't argue again? A contrary opinion is now judgemental.We can as well be zombies now.
Go read TV and Yeyenatu's comments. Those were good argument. But of course u will interprete it as judgemental.

macof: Why shouldn't I take religion when your religion seems to poke it's noses where it doesn't belong?
Someone on this thread already used religion to judge...am only trying to clear the air and show you that this christianity you all think is against polygamy really isn't

Insecurity at its peak! Why don't you use ur religion to make a strong argument for polygamy the way ur lot have been doing. Or you didn't see those ones? Well your behaviour is typical so I aint surprised. Every view must be in corcodance with polygamy, right?because you are involved? Go ahead and argue religion if it makes you feel better.

tintingz: and monogamy will guarantee a happy marriage?

I wonder why we keep reading stories of men in monogamy marriage, cheating on their wives.

"men are wicked blah blah blah."

So the wicked men are only those in monogamy.Smh.
Polygamous men are the greater cheats.Even 4 wives are stil not enough for them. Do ur research. What's the ratio? When a man cheats isn't it polygamy in practice? MONOGAMY WILL GUARANTEE A HAPPY and PEACEFUL MARRIAGE MORE THAN POLYGAMY. You can take this to the bank.

tbaba1234: That has never been my claim, that polygamy is 'so beautiful'. My claim is that, it is a choice and it can also be a good one, if the circumstances are right.

My religion permits polygamy but it also places conditions. Which is:

If you can not maintain justice between them, marry only one.

I will be marrying only one wife because I understand the difficulty of maintaining justice between them.

However, if a man decides, he is up to that task. I can not begrudge him.

It is a choice at the end of the day.

In Islam, a woman can add it as a precondition for marriage if she does not want it.

It is not a 'must do' thing.

As for the op, her feelings are perfectly normal. It does not mean, she can not still have a happy marriage.

She can learn to accept it and work on the necessary boundaries.

Hmmh! Ok oh! Easier said than done

pickabeau1: wat is u saw

That was in Zebrudaya's voice.
The thread has started turning religious as you predicted

Pickabeau come o! Are u seeing wot am saw?

macof: In other words Abraham shouldn't be a role model in christianity

It's either that or Christianity is hypocritical

If you have something against monogamy, bring on your argument. Don't try to turn this thread into a religious one. When the table turns,your lot will start inviting MOD and superMOD.

bellong: You can ask your question with decorum. Don't turn this thread to religious war. This is how it starts.

Be civil pls.

Well said. Thank you

tbaba1234: In this life, we do not always get what we prefer , we sometimes have to make the best of what is.

That is the key to happiness.

If polygamy is so beautiful as u guys claim, why is it not a number one preference. Why is Op feeling the way she does? Why is it that many ladies that their religion permit polygamy still don't want to share?

TV01: The obvious one you are in denial about.


Monogamy is superior simply because it gives equal agency to both partners and provides the ideal setting to meet their individual needs and requirements of their children. Polygamy does not enhance it in any way and introduces a slew of issues and potential problems.

Alternatively you can simply explain why monogamy is not superior or why polygamy is superior, instead of asserting it's just as good and merely a choice - like attending OAU or Harvard. Apologies to OAU'ites !


How glaring? And yet the girl who finds romance with someone else is not simply free to introduce fyneflyguy to the marital home? All you've done here is state that polygamy is about mens desires - as I've maintained all along.


I fully appreciate that some people, cultures, or religions practice it and that some jurisdictions have legalised it. Neither am I being prescriptive about it - merely descriptive. As you yourself have outlined, monogamy is superior - starting with it's fairness and equally valuing both parties.


Emotive and funny. In polygamy, the real choices are with the man. The womans choice is whether to accept the mans choice - which is no choice really.


And polygamy introduces complexes for women by it's very design. But of course, a "multiple" wife has to form differently or face the truth of her situation.


The most laughable part of all, polygamy is exactly that - all about what the men think !

All very emotive but with no real substance. And the people affirming your posts well know this - so don't comment.

And way to argue that men and their desires have primacy over women and their needs.


TV

Tv, I swear you sabi English and ur argument is with superior reasoning. Pls ride on

Thank you very much for your prompt response. He's 3yrs old.

jauntty: That condition is either Tropia (Strabismus) or Phoria. These are terms to describe
when the eyes are not in alignment with
each other. A tropia is always present,
while phorias are there “some of the
time,” such as when the patient is tired
or when fusion is broken (you cover an
eye and it starts to drift).
Basically the Doctor will test whether its tropia or phoria by doing 'Cover Test'. Then he may also determine the magnitude. For treatment : the Doctor will either give him lenses, do some eye training (orthoptics) or combine the two depending on his findings. How OLD is ur son

@Op, thanks for opening this thread. My son is a bit crossed eyed on his left eye, i.e the left eye doesn't move in synchrony with the right all the time. I said a bit cos its not noticeable all the time. What could be done for him. I intend taking him to a teaching hosp but I need background info first. Thank you

ayinba1: We can be tolerant of each other and respectful of the poster's story. The thread is perfectly positioned, I believe you are free to post your experience and all contributors should either be respectful or not post a response.

Life has never been fair, perfect nor black and white. You make your own perfect out of your situation. I can choose to be single and spend my entire life (very lonely, let no one fool you) that way so I can hold my head high and say " I did not share my man" or I can accept it (very painful) and try to create the best out of the situation. Ultimately, the relationship between my husband and I will be crucial to how this plays out. Again, regardless of being in a monogamy or polygamy.

Ok oh! I know why I said so because I have noticed that for some persons when this kind of topic doesn't go their way,they will start crying foul! I think I'm derailing. Op pls go on.

Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives.
I wish the Op had opened this thread as a diary like pickabeau said, so that it doesn't turn into a religious thing cos it's brewing

Ephee, it is well with u. By God's grace u will get a job. When u do pls move out and rebuild ur life.

Op,u r rly annoying!Jokes apart

Op,u better shine ur eyes o! At 32yrs, nobody should be playing games with you.

Stories that touch

This topic takes me down memory lane

jayedu108: u are nt a wife den but a sex mate.

I forgot to tell you, not only does he wash his clothes,he equally washes mine and irons them straight and neat,just the way I like it. So have you found a transformer of your choice? Ozuoooo

ireneidiva: I think the person who can't write proper grammar is more shameless.

My sister see me see trouble. Please see more grammar

jayedu108: empty brain u need some proper home training ur mum need to retrain you,cos u still lack some qualities dat my fellow men wants.

jayedu108: so u part of the shamesless women on dis thread attacking @op cos she saying d truth it lazy women dat talk dis way no mata wat it ur responsiblity as a lady to wash ur husband clothes take it or live it.

I don't wash his clothes! Now choose the closest transformer near you and hug.

I hate washing clothes

soulglo: Oh please. Go back and read what you wrote. I will always slap down a dangerous post especially when it comes to things like women's health. The only thing you could say that would even remotely come close to normal is to see a doctor because nobody in their their right mind will be in pain and keep guessing for months what the issue is

Suit yourself

Abeg this story is funny! The man should go for proper medical check up/treatment. An urologist not just a general practice doctor. If all odds fail, he should invest in adult diaper for night use.

soulglo: IT IS NOT NORMAL. I don't have to google it. Even if that was her case it cannot be handled by her alone. You cannot diagnose yourself or chuck it up to she might have a tear that has not healed. Unless a doctor has sad your episiotomy has this issue and as such taking longer than usual to heal she has no sensible reason for sitting on a bad situation. Telling the husband to be patient is a bad thing both for the husband and the wife. It is not normal for a vagina to take 4 months to heal. That's just the fact. This is not a situation to make the husband look like a horn dog rather one were she needs to be forth coming about what the real issue is. The baby is too small is a ridiculous reason.

I can't be going back and forth with you. Go and read my advice to the husband. Did I stop at patience. BTW, what's the meaning of patience. Whether its normal or abnormal, some tears take longer than 3months to heal. Where in my post was normal or abnormal mentioned that you are here arguing. You have given ur advice that the wife should seek for help so why are you attacking me like my post was to give the husband a bad name. Don't quote me out of context.

raumdeuter: I'm sure if you google, you would see a child who started walking at age 5, or a woman who carried pregnancy for over 10months
It doesnt make it normal
The bottom line beyond the mans sexual appetite is why the woman isnt fully healed 4months after delivery
It might be a health condition that needs to be taken care of
If a man says he cant cop an errectionn 1 week after ejaculation or his errection wont go down for 5hours. Would you say that is normal

Read my advice to the Op. All these normal and abnormal you people are arguing,where's it in my original post.

soulglo: I think it is dangerous to give out incorrect information like this. It is abnormal to be in pain 4 months after child birth. If she's still in pain then she has underlying issues. This is not an issue of him being impatient because I am sure if a doctor told him it was dangerous to his wife he would stop. It's simply that she just does not want to or she has underlying issues that she refuses to address

Why will u say the information is incorrect. Which exactly is incorrect? That I said some tears take longer than 3months to heal? Are we all the same? A lot of people are on the average. While some are at d other ends of the Gaussian distribution. Google when women are ready for sex after childbirth and the answers will surprise you. Note that the pain could be as a result of
1. Little or no lubrication which occurs as a result of nursing
2. a tear that's not healing properly.
3.A lot of scar tissue from a healed tear
4. Psychological
Most women I have talked with say their first sex after childbirth is usually with discomfort/painful. I still stand on what I wrote

crackhaus: My reply was too (for laughs), hope I did not scare you?

U did o. Lol

crackhaus: You know me before?

I read your posts now. Well that was for laughs.

@op, women heal differently as our bodies aint the same. Some tears even take longer than 3months to heal. The fear of another pregnancy after birth is real family planning or not. My advice, be patient with her. The first time is usually d hardest, thank God you have crossed that line. Invest in a lot of KY jelly esply if she's nursing and go gentle on her. At first don't expect frequently sex like b4 but gradually she will get her groove back. Congrats on ur baby

crackhaus: They want both, depending on the phase they're in.

When a woman gets into a relationship, the honeymoon phase is all about attention...they feel an overwhelming surge of neediness and emotional vacuum which can only be satisfied by receiving constant attention.

When the honeymoon phase is over (the timing on this is unique to each woman), they start to seek out reasons on how and why they're so in love with the man involved.
At this point, a woman would subconsciously begin an evaluation of how well the man fits into her future...this evaluation will be based on compatibility, finance, and long term goals. At this point, they may still love the man, but at the same time would expect him to be able to cater for her/their basic needs (long term). I call this the reality phase.

If all the above phases are completed and somewhere along the line the man begins to give less and less attention to her probably due to over-familiarity or a busy schedule, the woman resets to default and starts needing attention again...and as such, the cycle repeats itself all over again.

A wise and intelligent man who intends on keeping his woman completely satisfied, must know exactly when and how to make her happy by recognizing the phase they're in as the relationship progresses.

So now that I've explained myself for no reason, I really hope this will be the last time I come across a topic on what women want between money and attention...

So u dey talk true like this. Indeed it wasn't flesh and blood that revealed this to you. Thumbs up

aisha2: Na wa oh, whinning and crying galore. Who is asking her to be a fighter? Abi she wants to sit pretty and let others fight her battles always? Life is not like that oh, she is a mother not a baby enough with the constant crying, I feel sorry for the husband.

I have a feeling this was meant to be a "bash the husband" post, where he would be described as controling, wicked and bla bla bla, thank God Nairaland women saw through this and hence no gender debate, but them no go see this thread oh. Hmmmmm.

Your friend is begining to annoy even me, I can imgaine what the husband puts up with "Have you done this " response "Tears" "Ha ah, why didnt you do this? " response "more tears" always playing the helpless victim waiting on prince charmings rescue.

A few years on if she doesnt sit up she will come and open a post on how her "wicked" husband didnt "allow" her to serve hasnt "allowed" her to work and is maltreating her.

Everybody has tears, its not exclusive to her, no one is asking her to fight we are asking her to DO HER OWN WORK FOR HERSELF

Abeg take it easy on d woman. She no kill person!
@op, she has gotten useful advice here so she should go ahead and sort herself out and inform her hubby when her posting letter is in her hands.
I had this family friend that the husband slyly prevented from working. He told her till they complete their family of 3 children b4 she can work meanwhile that wasn't the agreement ab initio. She agreed grundgily for peace to reign. For the man to release adequate money for housekeep was even with quarrel and insults. Fast foward to when she weaned her last baby@ 2,the hubby started suggesting she becomes a stay at home mum. She just did her homework,applied for a job,went for d interview and got d job. The hubby was threatening fire and brimstone but she was calm.she told the husband no jupiter can make her forfeit the job. She also reported him to her MIL as the man has deep respect for the mum. They kept malice for 2wks. She started work,was doing school runs and got a cleaning lady,after 2 months the man came around and he's now proud of the wife. End of long story! So atimes desperate times need desperate measures