₦airaland Forum

iykedare:
Haba,I didn't insult you. Though if I want to,I can.

Now, you wrote that men of nowadays are overgrown babies then I pointed out to you that other women are getting married to these "overgrown babies" .

At least,you not been able to hook a grown man,have you?

No, I have not been able to hook a grown man. I am 40 years old, single and desperate for marriage.

iykedare:
But you haven't been able to marry a grown man. Your mates are getting married to these supposedly "overgrown babies".

Keep consoling yourself

In your mind now, you have insulted me... rotflmao.

Even though we know that the quickest way to kill the average Nigerian male self-esteem is to be able to take care of yourself without his help or make more money than him, you also have to understand that buzz words/phrases like pride, being too money-conscious is not a good look on any person, male or female. In everything in life you find a balance.

How do you approach the subject of independence? Are you the type that throws it at people's faces, in every sentence? Such things can be irritating even to me.

Approaching life with adamant rigidity, not being flexible may cause you more heartaches than victory. In life sometimes, you may have to bend yourself to unfathomable shapes to achieve something. If you intend to get married, have kids, the reality/possibility is that you may have to compromise on your career. As soon as you have a family, family usually comes first. However if career is more important than family to you, don't get married. There are too many dysfunctional families out there, help us reduce the number. If you can mix the two together, fine, a lot of women are doing this perfectly. But for this to work, you need a supportive husband who is also in the business of compromise, your chief fan who would not be threatened by your success. Compromise is not only a female trait.

Now how to get this man.
It is true that our parents empowered the females and forgot how to tell the males how to respond to the empowered female. The boys were given the skills to adapt to the 20th century woman, forgetting that we are in the 21st century. So it is important to expand your dating pool to increase your chances of getting your ideal man. Do not be limited by tribe or race.

Mistresses, side chicks are no more hiding again o.
It's all good though...
No more hiding place for the wicked...

SAMBARRY:
you can imagine
Just rice abi na indomie. If nanny is boiling indomie while she's baffing shebi na to eat. Why then should whoever that cooked the food matter
Op Abeg grow up

I can just imagine myself as grown as I am crying for food.
Our parents really spoiled these men, unleashed overgrown babies for women to marry.

Look at how a grown ass man is crying for food on the internet. Na man be this?

What has this crassness got to do with feminism?

Wisdom for fools...

Lol, the men are attracted to the sufferhead nature now. They always praise all their suffering mothers. You don't want your sons to sing sweet mother I no go forget you for this suffer wey you suffer for me? You want to carry last, abi? Abeg get with the program.

TV01:
I'm all ears !


It's a lie! The black female is the most tightly bound to her male counterpart. If only because therein lies the true testosterone match . White men rarely meet up, and typically shy away, knowing they can't.

As for Middle-Eastern, Asian and Chinese men, how many of them do you see with black women? I'm sure such pairings exist, but they are rarer than hens teeth and as ubiquitous as crocodile tears !


As above it's about physical attraction before it's a meeting of minds,this counts for very little.


Boast ke? The facts speak for themselves. Black men are coveted. And as other races of men become increasingly "feminised", even more so.
No need to boast, but the bragging rights our ours !


Not really - it's just the cold hard facts; in the global dating market the black women is losing out and must make do with whatever she can get.


"Nigerian girls" and "slender" in the same sentence? And they are not fighting?? Girl you need your own show "Stilly' Stand-Up ! Exotic?? Girl stop. Where would I even start?


For a small percentage of your demographic there will be some heart-warming success, encouraging stories and moments of hope. But all round, the picture is dismal. Face facts; black women are bottom of the desirability scale - even in black countries sef.


Naija men doing what Naija men do. Flexing . Because when all is said and done, you still prefer us, and we still handle you best. I have so many testimonies of black women with white men thinking they're "missing something". But other races with black men always got the "cat thet got the cream look". No gainsaying !


Again, a few will feel this way, but the vast majoritywould always have a "brother" if they had their way. Your case is at best the exception that proves the rule.

African love is still viable, black romance is a thing ! Quit the self-delusion, work hard, respect complimentarity, and lay hold of what is yours by right. Stop settling for reduced melanin content ! We'll work with you for the common good. Don;t fool the majority with testimonies of a few odd cases.

Hailing all SBW & BQ's


TV

Damn all this because of the tiny bit I wrote? TV it's not that serious...
It is the black american woman that is tightly bound to her man, and not the Nigerian woman, sorry to burst your bubble.
Nigerian women chase expatriates in naija like it's running out of fashion. That says a lot for our nonexistent loyalty to black men lol.
And yes Naija girls are slender compared to many other black girls with ginormous asses black men are attracted to . There's no debate here, even you naija men attest to this. Many of us are genetically slenderrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Lay hold of what is mine by right? Lolllllllllllllllllllllll You think I'm one of those silly girls that will fall for that nonsense for black males that cannot control their lust, lmao. I do not own black men. And I reject such ownership! Nothing comes between a black man and his dic.k. Any black woman feigning loyalty to the black race, is a prime time id..iot! She will only end up dying lonely. We haven't even considered the slim pickings we have to choose from from an economic standpoint, and you still want us to be loyal, lol.
In one sentence you say black women are the least desirable by the confession of even their males and in the same breath you don't want black women to expand their horizons and pitch their fishing hook elsewhere, at least one will catch .... You don't want us to find a mate or what?

TV01:
Stilly! Stilly!! Stilly!!! How now?

Please, stop decieving your gals now, quit misleading the sisters. The "many" you used up there is in a relative sense. Unfortunately for black women, they are at the bottom of the hierarchy when it comes to "global mate choice".

In absolute terms, and where there is choice, very few non-black men want black women. Black men on the other hand are pretty much at the top - and our stock continues to rise. Please make peace with these facts and encourage the sisters to "try harder".

One love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI-xQ7IksUc


TV

Deceiving my girls? Lol. Let me give you some realities as a naija girl in the diaspora, seeing that you are not a girl and are not privy to these secret truths.
We don't have inhibitions to date outside the race like black american women, thereby increasing our pool of eligible candidates.
Most of us are educated and more likely to meet like minds, who are mostly white in professional places.
We don't boast that other races are interested, that is the forte of Nigerian men...that is- to be excited over whiteness as evident on this thread.
This is akin to foreigners in Nigeria dating and marrying Nigerian girls. Nobody makes noise. It's no big deal. If a Nigerian man is in Europe, who is he more likely to date? A Nigerian? lol. Geography definitely is not naija men's strongest subject.
Nigerian girls are usually slender, no overblown curves, very apt for the white demographic. We are not stereotypical loud either because we were fortunate not to have grown up here .
We are foreign, exotic and men like our accents as well. It's sexy.
So you see me, my sisters and friends tick all these boxes, so we don't try 'hard' to find suitors. They are two a penny in me world.
Instead it's naija men always trying too hard to get my number, lol. White men always get the best of black women!

Naija men always trying to feel needed...lmao.
I grew up in Nigeria, I don see Naija man nyansh finishhhhhhhhhh. There is no thrill there. What can a naija man do or say to excite me? ehn TV?

Thank God.
It would help reduce the evil gene in Nigerian men encouraged by Nigerian mothers .
Nigerian mother-in-laws would not be able to display as they want with foreign wives.
Nothing more refreshing and pleasurable than seeing a humbled, dutiful Naija man doing 'homely' chores the european society encourages.
White women have my blessing in training those niggas on how to adapt to the 21st century woman. The law is even on her side.

Only an ugly naija girl would be fighting for Naija men, lol. Iyama. You dey craze? You better date outside your race, tribe, and the whole nonsense. Expand your horizons. Many Naija girls are in interracial relationships. They don't just make noise because it's not a big deal, unlike Naija men wey e dey shack . Naija men trying to feel needed, lol, in your dreams...
Make una learn from your black American sisters that wanna die on top black men in the name of 'loyalty' to race, lol.
Loyalty and a black man's d.ick is such an oxymoron, lol.

But all these have come at a cost. Children that have no fear for anybody in the home. The society is paying the high price for the loss of strong men in the homes. What we have today is a celebration of confraternal brigandage, street gangsters everywhere, teenage prostitution, and a flamboyant display of I-can't-be-cautioned attitude.

Nigeria is patriarchal and all these occur, so I don't get your point.
How do you explain a case like Nigeria, that is evidently so patriarchal, ruled by Nigerian men since independence and totally being destroyed by men at the moment? If anything Nigerian Patriarchy is destroying itself (to my pleasure of course) since it has been unable to curb its excesses and create a better place for women and children.
At least your African forefathers despite the society being patrilineal had the foresight of putting up structures that did not silence the voice of the African woman, but since the colonialists came in from a region that regarded womanhood as disfigured images of men, you men gladly helped them destroy these female structures. Even the colonialists have abandoned these demeaning ideals and their societies are better than yours. So how has this Nigeria's demonic patriarchy benefited our society?

This surely doesn't look like men who have gone 'soft', lmao.

https://nationalmirroronline.net/new/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Members-of-House-of-Representatives-climbing-over-the-gate-to-gain-entrance-into-the-National-Assembly-complex-yesterday.jpg


Many men – including fathers – bear the burden of an inherited historical arrogance and superiority over women. I see it everyday when I watch a man say sexist remarks at an ordinary woman going about her business or on social media. And, of course, I see it in myself. We can't just come to terms with the fact that a woman can employ you, pay you, serve you a querry, or sack you when she wants.

Lmao. At least you are being honest here that women have now been empowered, it is left for you as men to learn how to adapt to the empowered woman.

3. The alpha male is in peak physical shape. He’s strong and athletic as well as aesthetically pleasing to the opposite sex.

For this comment alone, you know most Naija men don't make the cut, right? Lol.

cococandy:
The other day in class we were discussing the topic "why are there no shelters for abused men like there are for abused women" and someone asked if men can be abused.
Like seriously. A college student asking that kind of question. To show you how unfortunate this "being a man" attitude can be for men who can't defend themselves. Sadder still, it's their fellow men that will ridicule them for speaking up.

By the way not all guys are strong. Most are but not all. So what should happen to those ones that find themselves unfairly matched? Is it not the awareness he's creating like this (and if more like him come out) that will help curtail the bias or at least give him a chance for justice should they go to a jury based trial.

True. And that is what gender equality is about. It recognizes our biological differences, but also recognizes that not everyone would fit into these things that our idea of gender predisposes us. There are women that can beat up men even if he retaliates. It does not mean the man is not a man, or has been 'emasculated'.

udz:
Its Ok, U've got enough of my attention. Atleast that will do U for the rest of the yr.

Mr. Man post ya pic...let us compare and contrast if your feeding advice is good for Victoria...simple, rotflmao.

udz:
My Pic, my Username, My Data, my Choice. . . . Bitch !!

You have still not posted it...

udz:
stop calling my attention, if I want urs. . . I will ask.

Post your pic...

udz:
why mention me, I didn't whisper to U. Abi U want me to check ur pix. Sorry, I won't.

Upload your pic...simple!

udz:
Ur pix does't look like someone that eats good meals

Upload your pic first now... Make we judge who dey chop good meals...

I can never ever support domestic violence, so I don't get why you are including the feminist bit to fulfill your agenda of dampening the intricate issues feminism tackles. If Freeze feels he has been abused, he has every right to alert the whole world about it. There are many men suffering in silence because they are trying to portray a semblance that they are not. Some African women are even bigger in size than their husbands and you want to deceive yourself things can't go awry and the woman pounce on the man, lol, but the man can't say it because he wants to stand among the so called 'unemasculated' men of Nigeria that cannot build a good society for his women and children.

Eyaahhh see men crying and plotting...
The story though is pathetic.

TV01:
Unless one is married to a total dullard or bush-girl (I've nothing against either ), there will always be dialogue between a couple. Note, I did not relinquish leadership or authority, and I don't think it was ever meant to be totalitarian. A woman that can give meaningful input, but not one that tries to control or manipulatively get her way, woul dI consider be what most men want? The truth is, it's the default for most women to be led.

TV

Considering the rate at which you all are being kicked out of the houses and your children's lives, you still think it's the default for most women to be led?

Nonso23:
Anytime I see this mention I go just weak.
This session requires a lot of brainstorming and time if it is to be done properly.
The time bit na im be my problem now o.
On a good day I will honor it.

Lol, I don't even have that time again for nairaland. I have a lot on my plate as well. I shouldn't even be here lol. Don't even worry abeg. I have a hundred page protocol to read, see me on NL chatting nonsense. God help me.

nannymcphee:
Rev 19:7-8
7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints
9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God

the above verse is talking about the marriage supper of the lamp where the bride(the church) will be presented to Christ

So the Christian wedding is an allegory of this marriage supper of the lamp.

That's why Ephesians 5:22-24 likened the man to Christ when it's was talking about headship.


That being said, early Christian marriages & secular marriages attire was ones "best attire" it was only the elites that could afford white material because of the high cost of purchase & maintenance

White became popular & the norm when Queen Victoria to Albert of Saxe-Coburg in 1840.

I'm glad you highlighted Queen Victoria on how it became the so called norm.
The allegory when interpreted here is the church as the bride and Jesus as the groom. It does not translate into you must wear white on your wedding day.
We should stop reducing christianity to petty doctrines that do not have any emphasis on the soul of the individual.

5minsmadness:
But you can't compare the love a man has for his kids to that of a woman who carried those kids in her womb for 9months and breastfed them. It's not the same at all. A woman abandoning her children is more hurtful than man walking away although both are wrong.

To be honest from my childhood perspective, if I had wanted any of my parents to walk away, it would most certainly not be my father , this does not mean I don't love my mom.

I think the OP is coming from the angle of how the Greek and the Roman empire could influence what we call Western Civilization today. The Roman empire spanned across Northern africa, Europe and the middle east. The British empire built upon these structures laid down by the Romans. Would this have worked for Africa? Maybe, maybe not. Empires rise and fall. For quite some time now america is the leading world power, but we are beginning to hear of China.

Why do women leave their kids
comfortably and move on without
a backward glance. I have always
said it and will keep saying it that
some women are not fit to be
called mothers.

Many men do this too. Both women and men are humans, both are given to all sorts of vices. Some women have custody of their kids and their new boyfriends punish the kids as well. Some people just don't care. That's life.

PreciousBro:
Before i referred you to Ephesians, chapter 5 verses, 22- 24, I already saw 21

I agree, however, I am alluding to the situation whereby conflict arises, a woman should there fore bow/surrender and place that authority to her man.

Two heads can't make a body ,it'd be beastly. I mean, what kinda being would that be even in its appearance.

And again, I was speaking of precedence in marital settings, love Supersedes all , but marriage is a different union that requires teaching. That is why we have different bible pages/scriptures on the emphasis to submit.

Please go further and read 1 peter 3, 1-7" and tell me what you understand there.

I believe it is just too vague and dangerous to conclude that in conflict situations a woman is to surrender to the husband. Conflict takes many forms and I think Coogar has highlighted some of those conflicts such as domestic violence in christian marriages. And I will advise any woman to use her common sense. But apparently many women do not use their common sense because of this submission idea that they are to adhere strictly to their man's whims and caprices.

Precious, Verse 7 tells you to submit also, lol.

TV01:
Stillfire (couldn't quote you due to the error in your quoting me),
I acknowledged that – that is not the point in dispute. It is primarily Christianity and the bibles position on submission. Not even the practicalities or particulars of submission, but if it is actually required. But how can we get to the practicalities or the particulars, when it is wholesale rejected as a command?

This is not our language, you know. The English language is clear on what submission means. I did not define it. Therefore, if there are times the woman gets her way, in the English context she is not practicing a submissive behavior (a behavior that does not speak up or challenge a point) but rather an assertive behavior where sometimes you lose and sometimes you win. Agree or not?

Christianity might try to twist the word but it is sufficient to say on that premise of the English context and definition, Christian women are not submissive because today they have the rights to speak up. And if we were to debate this in the law court, the correct term would not be submission to define the christian woman.

You did not answer my question on why the church has taken a 360 degree in not following Paul's ideology in silencing women in church. That is an exemplary criteria of being submissive as a christian woman.

[quote author=TV01 post=35431369]Stilly, how far? Pondering your submissions here - not your usual high standard .

1. First your claim of atheist marriages doing better than christian ones is at best reaching - not least because lots of people tag themsewlves christian in a merely cultural sense.

2. Even if we could objectively distinguish between atheist and christian unions, there is no way of knowing which do or do not incorporate submission into the dynamic of their union, or which fail due to incorporating it - or not, as the case may be.

I will use your own words to answer this...

Outside of what christianity outlines for marriage, no one has said that a marriage cannot work without submission. It depends on the worldview and personas of those involved.

Marriage outside christianity tenets have worked for some people.

3. Your equating submission to unquestioning servility/slavery is at best disingenious - no one has ever claimed that. It's even worse when you take a wordly definition and then try and apply it in a christian context.

There are already two christian views on this subject...
One from precious bro who is a christian like yourself on submission without question and your view on submission with having a say. You can see the danger you put christian women in with such dissenting views. I would like for you to address Preciousbro postulations. There are too many christian brothers like that, that is one of the many reasons I reject the word.

The English language is clear in it's definition. Also remember the bible was written in an era where women do not have as much rights as they do now. It is perfectly OK to assume the servility in the relationship.

Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.
Most churches don't live by this quote by Paul. Why do Christians forget this quote? are we picking and choosing? If indeed we are picking and choosing, I should be allowed to pick and choose as well.

4. Worse because of your own acknowledgment that love is paramount in christianity. The flip side of the submission coin - within marriage - is of course love. One can never treat as a slave or servant one that he or she loves.

The argument from Precious bro was that submission come first before love. I had to remind him that despite both genders are independently called to do their own bit, nothing comes before love in the Christian faith. Do you or do you not agree?

Having said that, it is worth noting a number of things;

1. Females are drawn to men of higher status - more tellingly they respond to dominant behaviour (not force or aggrssion, more like assertiveness, boldness and other alpha traits). Even more importantly it feeds a mans attractiveness to a woman. A marriage with a supplicating man at home and a dominant male boss/colleagues at work, or church (outside the home in short) is in possible danger. Hence why some women stray or are tempted to - or use the old "Pastor says" argument to deal with their husbands.

2. There are typically no egalitarian relationships. Even with same sex couples, one typically assumes a senior/leadership/dominant role. So women claiming equlity/equal rights in marriage are probably not talking out of a lived experience, or lying, or of course forming baddest e-fem that ever liveth !

Let me mop up here

What you forgot to mention is that Dominant behaviors are not the exclusive of men. In some marriages today, some women are better off leading the institution.
Only kids wants to have the final say all the time. In adult relationships you win some you lose some, life goes on.

PreciousBro:
This logic will defy your initial stand on this argument, submissiveness is required, otherwise, the love will be incomplete and there would be issues....

You have to understand that even as christians with the mantra "love your neighbour as your self" it should actually be enough,but on a realistic background,it isn't ,because marriage as an institution is another world on its own and thus the teachings" of marital strength. That is why God said this and that.

We just have to obey for things to go smoothly

Of course I do believe a woman should love her husband, but I threw in that argument to counter your logic, that if it's only the woman that should submit, then that woman is not required to love her husband. So do you agree or not agree that a wife should not love her husband because her duty is just to submit?
How can you be a Christian and when it comes to marriage, love does not take a precedence before anything? That totally goes against the tenets of Christianity.

PreciousBro:
Actually,if missing, it can be the only criterion for disaster in marriage.

So submit to your man as to the lord, because he has authority over you.

Hehehe,
Another argument, if submission is the requirement of the wife, that is to say a wife is not required to love her husband.