₦airaland Forum

justfarb2:
So today i went for a one year birthday party and it was really colorful and beautiful. Every woman's dream of a their one year old's birthday bash or will i say my dream. I loved everything, the decorations and i noticed that the barney for this event was the cleanest barney i have see in a while.
Most of the kids birthday i go to have dirty looking barneys who don't have or find time to wash their costume. Anyways to the topic, the reason i finally decide to write this was cause of the things i saw today which to me were intolerable and i believe most women will agree with me or argue with me and your arguments are welcome
First of all, let me lay it down as i noticed. Please don't judge me o, am a woman and we like to gossip even though ours might be worse. This family are actually family friends of my close friend so she invited us and i invited my bosom friend cause i like to gist and didn't want to be there alone especially if my friend have to go greet people she knows. When we got there, i noticed three ladies looking all dressed up with bleached faces and stretch marks on their hands sitting by a corner and talking, oviously gossiping like me and i noticed the man of the house was serving them specially and they were very comfortable and eying any available men who looked their way and immediately this came to my mind they were what we call runs girls and they came for the birthday as guest of the man of the house. It pained me so much that i and my friends started discussing it and a lot of issues were raised. How stupid and selfish can one be to bring his women home to his child's birthday party. How can he even have other women when from the story we heard his wife stayed with him when he was living in face me i face you. I know it is called gossiping but the conclusions were much needed.
And i thought too as am writing this, most women will say, What can you do. If you talk too much they will pursue out of the house. Our cultures and traditions

What culture requires you not to speak up when you have been disrespected?
My Igbo tradition does not require I keep mute when a man disrespects me.
So next time make sure you state the ethnic group that tells you to die in silence and rather whine on the internet when disrespected.

Radoillo:
Oh, yes! The complications are crazy. But we are doing a good job making sense and even historical deductions from them. We should be proud.

ChinenyeN:
Don't play dumb with me. It is not an order. It is a statement to show that I expect the two of you to be reasonable enough to quell the urge to continue this behavior. If you want so much to deride each other, go elsewhere and do that. We have plenty of other threads for that. No one needs it here. It's that simple.

I would like for you guys to participate in this conversation. Where's Odumchi? I believe your input would be sane and balanced.

https://www.nairaland.com/2068013/women-development-nigeria-since-pre-colonial/3#35061500

Nonso23:
Lolz I'm just seeing this now.
I can assure you with all confidence that these kinds of girls will not even attract the gaze of any NL family section male.

On the second part. If you meant NL feminism which equals: shunning responsibilities, being unnecessarily obnoxious, thinking that the man's duty is to please a woman all day everyday and man hating then i agree with you 100%.
No sane man would want to end up with such a woman.

No man would want his daughter denied of basic opportunities because she is a girl and thankfully Nigeria is way ahead in that department. We even have quotas for women in education, politics and in many corporations there are gender quotas in place - ie whether she deserves the position or not, put her there because she is a woman doesn't matter if a man is more qualified.
Feminism has outlived its importance. It is just another tool to satisfy the narcissistic tendencies of most women.

Nobody needs feminism. We need real education, especially in the Northern part of Nigeria. Teach people civility and respect for the next person regardless of gender and the problem of the perceived marginalization will end. Spread modern day feminism and hate will fester. Nobody can thrive in hate.

Men are not responsible for the current position of women in the grand scheme of things. There is no recorded historical evidence of men rounding up all the women and enslaving them. We both started off together - arguing along the tenets of evolution I even dare say the woman started slightly earlier- we got here because we kept advancing society and shaping the perspectives of its members.
Men created formal education and just like today's view of women about soccer, they weren't to be bothered about it. Fast forward a few centuries the story has been thwarted to mean men denied women of education and so on.

Or is it that the woman unconsciously allows the activities of the man define what is important or not to the society?

We can't hate women, we are incapable of that even. We just strike back very hard when hit. Blame biology, fight or flight??
We choose Fight

I would like to move this conversation to this thread.
https://www.nairaland.com/2068013/women-development-nigeria-since-pre-colonial/3#35061500

Nonso23:
Lolz I'm just seeing this now.
I can assure you with all confidence that these kinds of girls will not even attract the gaze of any NL family section male.

On the second part. If you meant NL feminism which equals: shunning responsibilities, being unnecessarily obnoxious, thinking that the man's duty is to please a woman all day everyday and man hating then i agree with you 100%.
No sane man would want to end up with such a woman.

No man would want his daughter denied of basic opportunities because she is a girl and thankfully Nigeria is way ahead in that department. We even have quotas for women in education, politics and in many corporations there are gender quotas in place - ie whether she deserves the position or not, put her there because she is a woman doesn't matter if a man is more qualified.

Feminism has outlived its importance. It is just another tool to satisfy the narcissistic tendencies of most women.

Nobody needs feminism. We need real education, especially in the Northern part of Nigeria. Teach people civility and respect for the next person regardless of gender and the problem of the perceived marginalization will end. Spread modern day feminism and hate will fester. Nobody can thrive in hate.

Men are not responsible for the current position of women in the grand scheme of things. There is no recorded historical evidence of men rounding up all the women and enslaving them. We both started off together - arguing along the tenets of evolution I even dare say the woman started slightly earlier- we got here because we kept advancing society and shaping the perspectives of its members.
Men created formal education and just like today's view of women about soccer, they weren't to be bothered about it. Fast forward a few centuries the story has been thwarted to mean men denied women of education and so on.

Or is it that the woman unconsciously allows the activities of the man define what is important or not to the society?

We can't hate women, we are incapable of that even. We just strike back very hard when hit. Blame biology, fight or flight??
We choose Fight

I would like to move this conversation to this thread.

I can't believe you wrote that (especially coming from an Igbo man) knowing about the historical emphasis of colonialism and what it did to female political structures in Africa. Reading ardently on Igbo women history, it is sufficient to say that the woman did not allow the activities of the man to define what is important to society or not. In fact more often than not the women consciously renegaded by instigating boycotts, and riots against policies they were not in agreement with.

About the lack of confidence of today's girls where it came from...
This thread is sufficient enough to highlight how the British purposely restricted business, science courses for males only, prioritizing home economics for females and using Christianity to dampen the spirit of African womanhood, same way they use Christianity to the black slaves to make sure they were subservient to their masters, since Europeans were coming from cultures women were regarded as minors or legal non-beings.

cc Radoillo
ChinenyeN
Odumchi

...so OP you want to become a feminist that demands her husband share in the housework or what?
Oh the horror!

^^^Lol, Cococandy you're not serious.

VictoriaBee:
But no female or male non-feminist in this section has been able to upload his/her ugly face.

Irony of life.

Buhahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You look beautiful my sister!

Lol, association of crushed egos.
I guess your wives and girlfriends are not doing their jobs properly of caressing ya egos and licking ya nyanshes.
Because I don't understand why a bunch of 'frustrated' people online give you this much headache, rotflmao!!!!!!
There are also many women here willing to caress your egos, instead of you people to toast them , you would be disturbing feminists.

What a whiny thread....iyama, ewww

Nonso23:
See the kind of girls somebody will eventually marry o.
CC: Bukatyne

www.nairaland.com/2395477/boyfriend-raped-me-see-reason

see their reasoning
These ones too will be demanding respect.
They can't even tell when they are being disrespected.

Is that not how you people like your girls- very vulnerable, defenseless and powerless.
Look on the bright side, she wouldn't question your 'authority' and the decisions you make like we stubborn, 'frustrated' feminists.

Nonso23:
My parents did not raise a mugu.

Even the flavour guy self has his own harem... 2 na just to warm up...
Don't be so sure about that o.
The problem is that the average Nigerian lady is not willing to demand their fair share of respect from their man.
I mean what is even there to demand
Ask them what they intend to make out of their lives in the next five years and the majority will just start gawking like demented heifers.
Ask some guys how their mothers dealt with them during the turbulent phase of adolescence. Firm but loving. Consequences for actions or inactions were clearly spelt out. (for them good mothers o). There were boundaries and they were adhered to.
Today's woman is more interested in replicating mill and boons in real life than taking more pragmatic approaches toward their marriages. Whilst that in itself is not a bad idea but then again no sensible person goes about cutting down a tree by plucking the leaves.
Marriage today is a contract where the negotiation for value is a till-death-do-us-part activity - a staring contest if you like.
The moment the woman thinks she can get a better offer outside, the husband is gone. The moment the man notices that he can cut a better deal on the sides he goes for it. The latter is more prevalent because the man, in most cases, sports the bulk of their combined financial muscle.
Happy marriages are those where both parties have acknowledged that the value they provide for each other is worth way more than any side attraction can offer. Where the man goes out of his way to please his wife and the woman won't stop at anything to cater to her husband's needs.

I refuse to accept that the woman is suppressed. I think the movement of society's focus from moralist/socialist foundations to capitalistic tendencies is more to blame. The women of the last generation had to combat with the inculcation of monogamy in their men thanks to Christianity and when it seemed like they were succeeding the "sex sells" adverts started to receive attention. Their target - those with the most money to throw around -men. Then morals boundaries became a question of "how much do you want?" . Women became more open to trading their morals for money. Young men who couldn't meet up were forced to step up and those who did wouldn't settle for less and whenever there appeared a better deal they stepped up yet again and the woman again is left with the shorter end of the stick. This is the reality of most of today's marriages.

The unfortunate thing is that both good women and men are the victims of this vicious cycle and it is not going to end anytime soon.
Trust is dead today. Everyone is as loyal as their pockets' depth.
Are there still good people?
Yes.
How can you find them?
I don't know. Try Tum bum tum bum...

Hmm.

EnlightenedSoul:
Life is ironic. As you see sit here speaking of the Far East and West, South and North, bird brains, and fish brains, etc. The fact of the matter is, "boxes" aside (i.e, scientifically speaking), as a man, you inherit the bulk of your intelligence from your MOTHER. Which, in the case of OP and the above commentators isn't saying very much at all, unfortunately.
Gladly keep your "nothing box", as you so fondly call it

Abstract
Although the intelligence quotient (IQ) is the most popular intelligence test in the world, little is known about the underlying biological mechanisms that lead to the differences in human. To improve our understanding of cognitive processes and identify potential biomarkers, we conducted a comprehensive investigation of 158 IQ-related genes selected from the literature. A genomic distribution analysis demonstrated that IQ-related genes were enriched in seven regions of chromosome 7 and the X chromosome. In addition, these genes were enriched in target lists of seven transcription factors and sixteen microRNAs. Using a network-based approach, we further reconstructed an IQ-related pathway from known human pathway interaction data. Based on this reconstructed pathway, we incorporated enriched drugs and described the importance of dopamine and norepinephrine systems in IQ-related biological process. These findings not only reveal several testable genes and processes related to IQ scores, but also have potential therapeutic implications for IQ-related mental disorders.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.go.libproxy.wakehealth.edu/pmc/articles/PMC3933868/

It suffices to say that since boys get their X from their mothers, the majority of their IQ come from their 'fish brained' mamas.

Moana:
hahaha trouble maker

Me, I have already told God I cannot bear pain o. Notwithstanding there are women who can bear and endure strife , I don tell God make im dash them my portion.

Acidosis:
No surprises here
Most women marry strangers. They want to know his attitude and personality in SHOPRITE, BEACH, OZONE, & KFC.

Lol, you are not far from the truth.
Most Nigerian women marry strangers, that's deep Acidosis.

Nonso23:
Ehmm
First of all, I am a Nigerian and more importantly. I am a Nigerian Man.
Remember this song "to be a man is not a day's job..."
Na her papa house we dey go straight. I must get a refund for my bad investment.

Seriously though, I know the last thing I would do is bring the matter here for strangers to dissect. First thing first, She must give me an explanation, (why brownie10 hasn't requested for one from her DH still baffles me) whether I will continue with the marriage or not afterwards should be clear by now.

I don't do mushy mushy love o. My love dey calculate balance sheet and socioeconomic viability.

Hahahahaha...I just listened to 'to be a man' by flavour yesterday sef. Nice beat.
I really do like straightforward people. A Nigerian man would not take the same mess he wants his wife to accommodate. Ride on please. You have set a standard for yourself which I actually like in people, stick to it.
Brownie bringing it here is being your typical average Naija woman that has been drummed into her head since childhood that you cannot just confront your husband on 'sensitive' issues like this, you have to meander your way, beat about the bush, give off passive aggressive signs, twist yourself, act like a good wife meanwhile you are boiling like a volcano inside , and most importantly pretend to the whole world everything is alright.

Nonso23:
Saturday night drama

Well marriage is for better for worse and besides technically he didn't cheat on you.
He wasn't married when these sexcapades were recorded na
He only fornicated and that is a matter between just him and his God.
If it were adultery then he is answerable to you -- if he wants to be sha

Just keep being the loving wife you have always been. Your reward is in heaven.

Lol, really Nonso? Let's switch the tables. What if you found a video of your newly wedded wife 'frolicking' with a loser on camera? What would you do? I want to learn from you.

bellong:
When you should confront your demon, you are here crying foul.

I don't know what you want from people, to cry with you?

You know we Nigerian subservient wives have to plot and weakly present our case to the husband after serving him a whopping meal. You don't just go and 'confront a man.' I just hope she does not channel the anger to the housemaid or gateman in the meantime.

Satyriasis [sat″ĭ-ri´ah-sis]
pathologic or exaggerated sexual desire in the male; the corresponding term in the female is nymphomania.

Lol.

Let's not forget some if not most of these cheating cases are psychological...and need some psychiatric intervention.

Hypersexuality: Symptoms of Sexual Addiction
Sexual addiction or hypersexuality is defined as a dysfunctional preoccupation with sexual fantasy, often in combination with the obsessive pursuit of casual or non-intimate sex; pornography; compulsive masturbation; romantic intensity and objectified partner sex for a period of at least six months.

By definition, this adult obsessive pattern of thoughts and behaviors will continue despite:

Attempts made to self-correct problematic sexual behavior
Promises made to self and others toward sexual behavior change
Significant, directly related negative life consequences in life and relationship stability, emotional and physical health concerns, or career and legal problems.
Sexual addiction can be considered a process addiction (as opposed to substance addictions such as drugs and alcohol), similar to gambling, binge eating or compulsive spending. As such, sexual addicts typically spend a much greater amount of time engaged in the pursuit of sex and romance (the process) than in the sexual act itself. They are addicted to the neurochemical and dissociative high produced by their intense sexual fantasy life and ritualistic behavior. This is their addiction.

What Sexual Addiction Is Not

The diagnosis of sexual addiction is not necessarily made if an individual engages in fetishistic or paraphillic sexual arousal patterns (e.g., BDSM, cross-dressing), even if these behaviors lead the individual to keep sexual secrets or feel shame, distress or “out of control.” Unwanted homosexual or bisexual arousal patterns also are not considered sex addiction per se. Sexual addiction is not defined by what or who the individual finds arousing, but rather by self- and other-objectified, repetitive patterns of sexual behavior utilized to stabilize distress and to manage emotional triggers.

In simple terms, most people don’t consistently utilize sexual arousal as a means of “feeling better” when having a bad day. Healthy people reach out to friends and intimate others for support when upset and also demonstrate a greater ability to self-soothe and tolerate emotional stressors than do sexual addicts.

Differential Diagnosis and Comorbidity

Sexual addiction can be viewed as an adaptive attempt to regulate mood and tolerate stressors through the abuse of intensely stimulating sexual fantasy and behavior. It is believed that sexual addiction is a dysfunctional adult response to innate personality, character or emotional regulatory deficits, as well as a reaction to early attachment disorders, abuse and trauma.

In order for the diagnosis of sex addiction to be made, professionals must first rule out concurrent drug abuse, as well as those major mental health disorders that also include hypersexuality as a symptom. Examples of these include bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and adult attention deficit disorder, all of which have hypersexual or impulsive sexual behavior as a potential symptom. Some individuals may have both a major mental disorder and sexual addiction, both of which need to be addressed, much as one might be both alcoholic and bipolar.

Why Seek Treatment?

Many sex addicts seek treatment for sexual addiction only after suffering significant consequences to their health, career, finances and relationships. Most men report initially seeking sexual addiction treatment to find relief and help with related negative life consequences such as pending relationship, legal or interpersonal crises, or threats of divorce or abandonment by a spouse or partner. Overt negative consequences related to sexual behavior, such as job loss and arrest, also drive individuals to seek treatment.

A Diagnosis?

While not yet fully acknowledged as a legitimate mental health disorder in the clinical literature (reportedly due to a lack of research study), sexual addiction and hypersexuality nevertheless is becoming identified in the public consciousness as a legitimate neuropsychobiological disorder. This slow shift in consciousness regarding this disorder is largely due to the escalation of technology-driven sexual problems, the growth of international sexual recovery 12-step groups, evolving research study data, as well as the term “sex addiction” being consistently referenced in relationship to the highly publicized problem sexual behaviors of certain major U.S. political, entertainment and sports figures.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/hypersexuality-symptoms-of-sexual-addiction/

kandiikane:
Oh ok, redeeming qualities cancels out the fact that he is a cheat? Nice one! I see you, as long as he is looking after me, he can phuck as many women as he likes, I will just pretend to give him a slap on the wrist.. Should have just said it, instead of beating about the bush.

That's the average Nigerian female mentality. You are only doing yourself a disservice by participating in conversations with resilient, die-hard masochistic women. They would soon start quoting the bible to argue why you should die in pain. The bible says God will not give us what we cannot bear/handle. Nigerian women can handle pain, hurt, disloyalty from their men , that's why God gifts them all three in their marriages.

Dad's are much fun jor.

bukatyne:
Na real sister...

Met my husband in 100L 1st semester so no random dates

Before him sef, I do not go on yeye dates.... Had a guy who in desperation paid for my photocopy N20... (after a while together). Once went out and we shared a cake... Why buy two; are we hungry

I always told hubby; let's buy the ingredients and cook ourselves or buy films and watch or stroll around.

People tell me I am strange anyways; I 100% believe them.

It is just now that I am more into going out things; I guess growing up/evolving.

I do not get money = romance thingy; My parents gave me so why would spending yours be romantic to me? Stroll round, watch films, cuddle, surprise appearance somewhere...

Now you are talking

Remember one day hubby waited for me at the gate of our estate (closing late that day) and he started saying fine babe, fine chic wat's up? I had walked past and it dawned on me it was him and I went back.. See us laughing; now that's romantic

I don't get it either; a friend showed me a chat where an ex- was begging for house rent it is that pathetic.

This is how you know those from reputable background.
What money can you give me that my dadddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy has not done in 100 folds?
That is why Naija men do not work on their sour character, because all they need to do is to have money and that's it, the average naija girl doesn't care if he's a he-goat, she will die there.

bellong:
Always comprehend a post before replying to it.

And only idiots take a lady they are yet to know to their house for getting to know her.
You guys should at least have little sense of security. The times are evil

Rotflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chillisauce:
At bolded, any girl that lives in Nigeria and agrees to this should be shot. A nation where people are constantly abused, rapéd and killed and nothing is done about it.
Dey dia dey do economics, if you want to know a girl, take her out on a date (public). Money must not be involved if you don't have. But for security reason, on one should follow you to your crib.

Absolutely. She's only playing with her life.

coogar:
it's that same economy that is forcing the men to change the venue of the romantic dinner from oceanview restaurant to their living room.

Lol, so what should we do now? Going to a man's house is just asking for trouble. And you yourself know it.

coogar:
nigerian women don't carry their purse with them on a dinner date. their mentality is that - if you are suggesting the date, you must foot the bill.

what about the guys who cannot afford to take their chics to a posh restaurant? should they go & steal? naija men cannot win. damned if he suggests the girl should come to his house. damned if he cannot afford to foot the bill.

Any girl that goes to a naija man's house is just playing with fire.
If you don't have money go to the buka, abeg and buy amala and coke.
She should go to hell if she doesn't like it.

coogar:
no vex......
they just want to eat their cake & have it. freeloading on another man is what they consider romantic. how many nigerian women would agree to split the bill on the first date? even if they manage to go dutch, the guy would not get a second date from them - the average nigerian would rather spend her money on brazilian hair than waste it in a classy restaurant in the name of romance....

Haa Coogar. It's the economy that caused it.
When a Naija woman says a man is caring, it's all about money o.

Timbuktou:
No man does anywhere in the world does anything romantic just for the sake of the romantic. It is all a ploy to get to bed the lady. They may seem noble if their attempts yield no results but the aim in the first place was to get down and dirty. The difference is, Nigerian men are more pragmatic and aggressive. . No time.

Thank God you noted the difference. The aggression can cause a 2000 pound ship to capsize.

The girl is so typical...that bleached, turkey legged look, iyama. Dunno what naija men find cute in that.

Some Nigerian men just believe that all that “taking a woman to a lovely restaurant and stuff” is for “oyibo people“. I mean, you will be surprised at the number of educated men who would invite you to their house at first meeting.

I always laugh when Naija women talk about chivalry, romance etc
Better wake up to reality... taking women to some 'fine dinning' is actually 'oyibo people' tradition. Better go and court yourself under the mango tree or something.
And to naija girls you put yourself at risk collecting anything from naija men. He is doing just that to get into your pants, not because 'he's romantic'. Better don't fool yourself.

Lol, come to my house...so romantic.

Moana:
this may sound like a good idea but it can cause commotion i remember attending a wedding where the bride and groom had a list of those that could attend the reception and most of the aunties and uncles from the village were not on the list. They caused a scene by the hotel entrance until the bride and groom where forced to make last minute arrangements for them.

Lol, you are correct. After writing that I remembered the guy might be based in naija and it might not fly lol.
This is what I plan on doing for mine by hook or crook o. I know my family will kill me for that. Can't stand big weddings at all. I even dislike the fact that all eyes would be on me. *shivers*, *my goosebumps getting goosebumps*

The nylon thing sounds razz, sorry not tying to insult you o, and I'm not one that likes big weddings either. But your suggestion is too razz for me.
Since it's all about saving costs, just invite 10-30 people and treat them specially on a table like this below. Doesn't have to be this elaborate either. Just make it intimate.

https://www.bellanaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/BN-Exclusive-Agbani-Daregos-30th-Birthday-January-2013-BellaNaija044-600x400.jpg

Have you even asked the bride though? Naija women like to tell the world they now a Mrs o. What does she feel about your suggestion?

bukatyne:
The women who do not take women's sides are 'wife' materials

Buhahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NL men won't kill me abeg.

1bkaye:
Lol imagine I didn't even see your moniker when I quoted you, stillfire long time now, how far?

I'm fine.

coogar:
as in.....??
i have never met any male so pathetic. i bet he knows the monthly cycle of all the ladies here with the way he tags on their underskirts.

i also bet this is how the hermaph behaves in the real world.....


https://i.imgur.com/k10fjHs.gif




be patient!
marital rape only became a law in the west in 1991. so before then, no such law existed in the west too. in due time, we would fall in line in africa. we are about 100 years behind the western countries - the changes would come, eh?

no vex......

So because FrancisTony doesn't take your side, he's pathetic?
The women that don't take women's side nko? Are they pathetic too? Or the rule doesn't apply?
Only FrancisTony and you guys are already shaking in your pants, what if I unleash all my male feminists friends on this site that one na cardiac arrest for una...

Francis my MAN, ride on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm solidly behind you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anybody that doesn't like your posts, in the words of Oba Akiolu should go and drown in the lagos lagoon!!!!!!

Anyway which due time? With the kind of angst you NL guys show here, I'm sure marital rape would only be illegal in the next 1000 years. You know the black man is almost like a millennium behind from the rest of the world. Teheheheeeeeeeee