₦airaland Forum

PreciousBro:
LoL Madam, this is really ridiculous....

Why should e start aa banter of irrelevance now. Am I on a wrong thread ,we are talking about "Submissiveness" on a marital point of view like I said before, I have given my stance on such. From all indication now it is clear you either don't agree with me or you chose to deliberately pretend you don't know what this thread is about.

Ooh we are quoting bible now ?

Who said Loving someone shouldn't come easy by a christian, by the virtue of marital bliss, Submission and love are talked about in Ephesians chapter 5,verses 22,23.....

If you know your bible well as you claim, you'd know Submission precedes Love in the context of this discuss.

As for the insults you say I made, I didn't mention anyone's name did I ?

Isn't it so funny that in the 21st verse it says Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ?
The two commandments are independent of each other. There are no bullet words (like if you should do this, you will get this) to assume causality i.e the relation between an event (the cause) and a second event (the effect), where the first event is understood to be responsible for the second. Instead we see only a metaphorical comparison to Christ for each party. On that we cannot use the rationale of what is written first arrive at a conclusion. It is akin to saying that to be able to steal you have to commit murder first because the ten commandment was written in that order.

However, if indeed you are a Christian you should easily be given to love, simple. Otherwise you are a fake Christian. It should come naturally. The bible even says love your wife, so that your prayers would be answered. So whether she submits or not, if you like don't love her, your prayers will not be answered.

babygirlfl:
Lol. Most women like that my friend will say the husband later agreed after they cajoled their husband. They will say submission does not mean you don't have a say. However, submission means yielding to a higher force. Women who submit should not have a say. When the husband says they are moving to Nigeria, she should say when and how do you start packing. But our own women's type of submission has a say and time to cajole the man. They even make their own decisions. How then are they different from non submissive women?

Lol, confusion galore. The way we hamper on this submission thing you would think it's the only criteria for a successful marriage.

PreciousBro:
My point stems from your statement @bold, and we are talking from a marital point of view regarding submissiveness, so except you're the one missing the point not me, I am very well in line with what I opined, contrary to your opinion,you made a point for me lol

And I haven't insulted anyone here. Thank you.

The law on love does not change in marriage either. Marriage is the perfect institution to carry out this true test of Christianity.
If you claim to be a Christian, showing love first would come easily to you with or without submission. Christ loved us first despite all of our shortcomings.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.


As per insult,
You just called someone dull, woolly headed? Abi am I seeing double?

PreciousBro:
This is where the emphasis lie ,which coogar initially didn't want to understand,but rather excuse it with intelligence as the determining factor and some dull wolly headed woman seconded as the yardstick as if God whispered to her,that is the only reason ...

A man is accorded with precedence of the virtues of life before such can be returned back to the wife, submissiveness as a virtue comes before "Love" gratitude and what not.

Mr Man, I hope you don't think I'm in support of you sha. Nothing comes before love as a christian. The foundation of Christianity is LOVE!

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

And there's no need to insult anybody here.

coogar:
before you got here.....
he asked you out, you agreed to date him. after many months or years, he proposed and you accepted his proposal. even on the wedding day, you were given an opportunity by the officiating pastor. "stillfire, do you accept mr.X as your hubby?" you answered affirmatively!

if his way isn't & hasn't always been better - how did you become his wife??

Don't bring me into this o. I don already post my behavioural pattern on the opening page.
Relationships can exist without the submission principle. I mean if we look at the statistics atheists marriages survive better than christian marriages. What does that tell you? You do not need to apply the submission principle to have a successful marriage. My relationship understands that both parties have equal, legitimate rights. It has served me so far in my relationship.
Submission requires that the wife be silent and yield to authority. Simple English. Every other thing is no more submission.

coogar:
this is one thing men have over women.
they would still argue - even if the points hardly make sense, his superiority mentality kicks into life & he would defend himself in the face of adversity. we are not even saying his points should make sense, it's as long as you buy it. if he's convincing, his decision should hold.

women on the other hand rarely argue to convince. they just want you to take their points on face value. no logic, no points. it's just intuition, pastor said, mother said, past experience of neighbours or relatives i have never met.

who will buy such crap?
a woman does not need to even be accurate to sway me. she just needs to convince me that she knows what she's talking about. so bluffing her way through it suits me just fine!




i am your father/mother still has a bit of substance. it means they are older, which means they should naturally be wiser & more experienced. what substance does the woman have? most women married older partners, wiser partners & more experienced partners so she has nothing to bargain with.

and that intuition nonsense peeves me like crazy!

If the intuition bit peeves you like crazy, you really do not want to know how ranting about being a man without providing reasons why your way is better irritates my brains. And it is under the principle of submission such behaviors exist. Submission requires that he doesn't have to give you an explanation why his way is better afterall he is superior and you are to bow to it.

Adult relationships do not require anyone to bow down to them. Your fellow human being is seen as an equal.
Takes maturity though to achieve this trait.

@Coogar, you say women argue their points with 'my intuition told me, bla bla.' What about men nko that argue with the line 'I'm the man/head, so he feels he's making sense' without providing any cogent reasons for his decisions? You know how our parents argue with the line 'I am your mother/father, don't argue with me' nonsense. Most people do stuff like that when they know they are losing an argument.

The English language is very clear on what submission/being submissive is. We should not add jara into it that the wife can have a say etc. That is no more submission o. You people better call it something else and stop deceiving yourselves.

Sorry but I will not waste a single prayer on your case, not when there are suffering children in this world who need my prayers.

When you are ready, you contact the necessary authorities.

http://projectalertnig.org/contact.html
http://projectalertnig.org/about.html

Contact
Project Alert on violence Against Women (PROJECT ALERT)

Address: 21, Akinsanya Street
Off Isheri Road, Taiwo Bus stop (Behind FRSC)
Ojodu - Berger
P.O.Box 15456, Ikeja
Lagos, Nigeria

Telephone/E-mail: 234-1-8209387; 08052004698; 08180091072
projectalert@projectalertnig.org
info@projectalertnig.org

ABUJA OFFICE
26 Bamenda Street, Off Abidjan Street,
Wuse Zone 3
Telephone: 234 -8708618

Lol, he will tell you he's the head na. Dunno how many people are comfortable violating the rights of another person let alone the one they proclaim they love. Totally flies over my head.

jnrbayano:
This Igando Customary Court in Lagos is always so happy with these funny cases because their treasury always get fat on them.



This is overwhelmingly funny especially the emboldened.

This has made my day.

In fact, the man is not guilty again.

Lolllllllllllllll! I have never heard anything like that in my life.
Nigerian marriages na wa!

pickabeau1:
See gentility

I will not fully blame the women.. maybe 80 percent on the women who have come to expect this and equate money to caring

men have also acted as enablers which is the clarion call for this guy who is spending his student allowance on a girl who then has the guys to compare herself to the mother who is feeding her indirectly.

Moreso women are now getting empowered.. with time this should stop

Can't wait!

pickabeau1:
Thanks for the response
So you see why some people just see the online paparazzi as just online BS
The girl is probably posting from a smartphone bought for by a man, the data is recharged by the same man or another man while she is eating a dinner which was paid by a man


I wonder if Stillfire is feigning ignorance on this expectation from the females..
Well I know she will still find a way to blame men

Lol, This guy ehn what do you take me for?
I come from an angle of who's to blame for this attitude. So I guess from the arguments provided Nigerian women are to blame. No be fight abeg.

naijababe:
Lord have mercy! Since when? I can't be that old nau

Lol, you know I left Nigeria before I started dating, so I have not experienced the dating dynamic over there. So maybe times have changed over there.

pickabeau1:
I am sure you have heard of statements like this ...

Why are you so stingy
Why cant you be like other men
You are not even caring



I leave the women to answer you

So the women are to blame for the behavior?

Submissive Behavior

Description
submissive (or passive) behavior means shying away from saying what you really mean and not seeking to achieve your needs, particularly when someone else has conflicting needs. A submissive person is a shrinking violet, avoiding upsetting others either because they fear them or they fear to hurt their feelings.

When things go wrong, the submissive person is likely to assume that they are to blame in some way, and accept culpability when singled out by other people.

You can often see submissiveness in the use of such as floppy language, qualifiers and submissive body language, although these do not always indicate submissive behavior.

Example
A child is bullied at school but neither fights back nor tells the teachers. They may wish they could be stronger, like the bully.

A manager tends to avoid giving complex work to one of their subordinates who complains whenever something becomes difficult.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I should have realized that you wanted to go elsewhere.

Discussion
The core assumption of submissive behavior is that you are inferior to others in some way, and hence that other people have greater rights and more valid truths than you.

In Transactional Analysis, the adaptive child may become submissive when coping with the controlling parent.

The submissive person will typically suppress their feelings and repress memories of being dominated, particularly early triggers that led them to their submissive state. They may also cope with the disappointment of not getting what they want by trivializing.

The result of submissive behavior is that you get little of what you want whilst losing the respect of other people. You are also likely to fall into a spiral of failing self-esteem, internal anger and psychosomatic problems.

****************************************************************************************

Evidently I do not have a Submissive behavior, I have an Assertive Behavior.

Assertiveness is...

Description
Assertive behavior means standing up for your rights and expressing your truths in a way that neither shrinks from what you want to communicate nor assumes that they are the only valid truths.

Assertiveness also includes recognizing and respecting the equality, rights and truths of other people.

Example
John, I don't like the way you said that.

I want to stay at home tonight.

I think Jane is not comfortable with the way you look at her.

Discussion
Assertiveness can be understood in terms of what it is not: it is neither Aggressive behavior and Passive behavior. In both persuasion and defending against persuasive efforts, assertive behavior is a powerful tool.

The assumptions on which assertiveness is based are that:

All people have needs that they legitimately seek to satisfy, including you.
All people have equal and legitimate rights, including you.
All people can contribute to conversation, including you.
A critical aspect of this is an assumption of equality, which leads to a respect for others that moderates, but does not obviate, the seeking to achieve one's own goals.

The result of assertive behavior is that you get much of what you want whilst retaining the respect of other people.

With respect to winning and losing:

Aggressive behavior assumes I win, you lose.
Passive behavior assumes I lose, you win.
Assertive behavior assumes I win, you win.
In Transactional Analysis, the Adult uses assertive behavior and language, seeking equality rather than control or safety.

My behavior has worked for me so far with my relationship with people. Everyone has a say. There's compromise, how can we meet each other half way, I mean we are not animals, I am the mediator. And I hope Nigerians can understand that.

pickabeau1:
I am surprised you are unaware of this.. are you feigning ignorance?

Paying the bills of your gf is an obligation and girls expect it
Making it regular is now at the discretion of the guy

I an not unaware of this. I just find it weird. I want to know if this issue is more of Nigerian woman requiring this and putting so much pressure on the men or the man thinking he must do it? And who should take the blame for being too overzealous on each side? I hear one of the angst of other African men in Nigerian men taking their own women is that Nigerian men spend so much on women. Are Nigerian men to blame for being frivolous? Or is it the women that constitute caring as spending money on them?

pickabeau1:
Yes it is widespread for guys to augment their gf income regularly

It however needs to stop. one time I get ... not regular stuff

Guys need to stop this

Is it a matter of what Nigerian women expect from their men or what Nigerian men willingly do? Who would have to break the cycle?

Ewuro4:
What planet do you live? Been trending from time immemorial.

Scatter am already jare the dude needs a head shake.

Lol, well what can I say? These things just appear weird to me.

Lol.

Lol, dads are more funnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

pickabeau1:
If I were you, I will stop this in any form.
Are u not a student maga

What you've told her is enough.. if she wants to go.. its better for you

So the OP is a student and he's acting like father christmas? I didn't want to pick on the money thing before I scatter the thread.
Why do some boys think it's their duty to 'finance' a girlfriend though? Is that a guy code in Nigeria or what?

Their reasons are valid. Interesting read.

thorpido:
I don't think the lady means it the way you and freecocoa are seeing it.
I don't think it's envy or bitterness.I think she's just in a subtle way saying her hubby seems to be diverting too much attention to the daughter and not giving her enough.

You don't have to use your child to appear subtle or pass a message across, haba.
It's just petty.

coogaluta:
Serial killer keh
Anyways, FTC

Lol, I have two sisters born in November. Very troublesome girls.

September repping in the house. We don't age either.

duran2059:
Initially that was the first question I asked her, but she said she just wanted to know where she stands. We've not seen since she left but she hasn't brought up the question on phone. She's the type that likes to tell things to your face

She asked a very silly question, but for the benefit of doubt and since good relationships thrive on communication, it's best you address the issues. Tell her to give you detailed, cogent reasons why she believes so.
Always use your head on issues like this at all times. Your wife would not always be right, neither your mother or sister. Don't let anyone use emotions to sway you to their side.

I can't speak for the black Americans but Nigerians in America use sports to get scholarships. There's still emphasis on the education bit over sports for Nigerians.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/19/sports/more-nigerian-americans-are-reaching-highest-levels-of-sports.html?_r=0

TEMPE, Ariz. — At Arizona State’s recent Senior Day celebration, guard Promise Amukamara was escorted onto the basketball court by her four sisters, whose mellifluous names spoke of royalty and hope: Peace, a teammate, along with Princess, Precious and Passionate.

Their brother, Prince, a cornerback for the Giants, sent his well wishes in a text message.

“All of them got scholarships to university,” said Christy Amukamara, the family matriarch. She smiled. “That was a great relief for us.”

Technically, Passionate, a high school senior, had yet to sign a scholarship offer as her team played for an Arizona prep basketball championship. Still, the Amukamaras are at the forefront of a growing number of Nigerian-American athletes, born in the United States, who are excelling at the top levels of high school, college and professional sports.

Andre Iguodala and Victor Oladipo play in the N.B.A., and Ime Udoka is an assistant coach for the San Antonio Spurs. The brothers Samuel and Emmanuel Acho are in the N.F.L. The sisters Nneka and Chiney Ogwumike of the W.N.B.A. were the only siblings drafted No. 1 over all in a professional sport besides Peyton and Eli Manning. Jahlil Okafor of Duke is predicted by many to be the first pick in the coming N.B.A. draft. And the sprinter Courtney Okolo of the University of Texas set a women’s N.C.A.A. record of 50.03 seconds at 400 meters last spring.

Typically, these athletes have parents or grandparents who came to the United States to study or to escape the 1980s-era military regime in Nigeria, Africa’s most populous nation, with about 175 million people living in an area twice the size of California.

About 380,000 Nigerian immigrants and their children live in the United States, up from 25,000 in 1980. They have settled in metropolitan areas like New York, Houston and Washington, and as a group, they are far more likely than the overall American population to receive undergraduate and advanced degrees, according to a 2014 analysis done for the Rockefeller Foundation and the Aspen Institute.

Many in the Nigerian diaspora view sports as a kind of student-athlete ideal with their discipline, work ethic and opportunities to gain access to higher education and careers, said the athletes, their parents and sports officials.

“The educational piece is the cross-nexus; they’re not just doing this for sport,” said Chris Plonsky, the athletic director for women’s sports at Texas, where a number of Nigerian-American and Nigerian immigrant athletes have played.

While at Nebraska, Prince Amukamara said, he planned to attend law school until he heard the ESPN draft analyst Mel Kiper Jr. project him as a first-round pick in the 2011 N.F.L. draft.

“My dad said, ‘O.K., you can pursue sports,’ ” Amukamara, 25, said, adding, “Sports has always been secondary.”

Athletes born in Nigeria have also continued to rise to prominence in North America in the decades after Christian Okoye’s grinding success as a running back with the Kansas City Chiefs and Hakeem Olajuwon’s Hall of Fame basketball career with the University of Houston and the Houston Rockets.

Masai Ujiri is the general manager of the Toronto Raptors. Obafemi Martins, a forward for the Seattle Sounders, finished second last season in the voting for most valuable player in M.L.S. The country’s top-ranked girls’ high school basketball team, SS. John Neumann and Maria Goretti Catholic High School, in Philadelphia, has two players from Nigeria: Christina Aborowa, a 6-foot-4 senior forward headed to Texas, and Felicia Aiyeotan, a 6-9 junior center.

Ujiri estimates that his foundation, Giants of Africa, has brought 75 to 100 male athletes to the United States from Nigeria over the past dozen years to play college basketball.

Carl LeVan, an Africa scholar at American University, said that sports in Nigeria had historically provided a unifying force in a culturally diverse country and, along with literature, had helped instill a sense of exceptionalism.

“This is another area where Nigerians hear that calling to greatness,” LeVan said.

On occasion, athletic migration has gone in the other direction. At the 2012 London Olympics, nine players on the Nigerian men’s basketball team were born in the United States. And Nigeria’s reigning 100-meter sprint champion, Mark Jelks, is from Gary, Ind.

Sometimes, achievement has brought controversy. Jelks was called a mercenary last summer by some reporters and former athletes in Nigeria after he switched his track allegiance from the United States. He had only a casual relationship with Nigeria and had previously been suspended for two years by American antidoping officials after missing an out-of-competition drug test. He could not be reached for comment.

While Neumann-Goretti, the Philadelphia high school, has lost only one girls’ basketball game in two seasons, the team has been engulfed in turmoil. John Gallagher, the coach at a rival Catholic school, resigned in February after being linked to emails, sent under a pseudonym to the University of Texas, that questioned the eligibility of Aborowa and Aiyeotan.

Gallagher’s lawyer told The Philadelphia Inquirer his client had broken no laws. The emails emerged in a slander and libel lawsuit filed by Neumann-Goretti’s former coach, Letty Santarelli, who resigned in November amid an investigation of the team. She declined to comment.

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia and the Pennsylvania Interscholastic Athletic Association have said they found no wrongdoing. Neumann-Goretti won the state’s AA girls’ title by 45 points on Friday. Plonsky, the women’s athletic director at Texas, where Aborowa is scheduled to play next season, said, “We have every confidence that she’ll be fine.”

A predominantly black team like Neumann-Goretti’s might have rankled the largely white powers that have dominated Philadelphia’s Catholic League in girls’ basketball, leading to unfounded rumors, said Mike Flynn, who assisted the Nigerian players in coming to the United States and who operates the Amateur Athletic Union team on which they have played.

Still, Flynn acknowledged, there can be risks for players coming from Nigeria and other African countries. “There are so many people looking to make a dollar off them in their own country and so many people not looking out for their welfare once they get here,” Flynn said.

While those who meet expectations often find their way, he said, those who do not are “sometimes chattel; they don’t have a school, a home, a support system.”

“You disappear into the undocumented American landscape or you go home,” Flynn said.

At 18, Aborowa is the median age for Nigerians. And she speaks fluent English, the former colonial language of British rule, which has eased her assimilation into the culture. Her coach said she was a straight-A student.

Aborowa said that three or four years ago, however, she knew almost nothing about basketball and had little expectation beyond a life as a mother and perhaps as a trader of goods. A coach spotted her in Lagos, Nigeria, and gave her his phone number. Her guardian tore it up, Aborowa said, admonishing her not to speak to strangers.

The coach persisted, and Aborowa began to learn the game, eventually traveling to Philadelphia with the help of a foundation called Hope 4 Girls Africa. Basketball, Aborowa said, now means everything to her.

“Before, I didn’t have a life; there was no opportunity to go forward,” she said. “Now it’s my dream, my hope. My mom doesn’t have the money to send me to school. Now I’m there.”

She plans to study computer science at Texas and would like to own a business. “We believe in hard work,” Aborowa said of herself and other Nigerians. “It’s in the blood, to go hard every time, to go for what you want.”

Ify Ogwumike, 47, was also born in Nigeria, the daughter of an oil company executive. She is an assistant superintendent at a school district outside Houston. Her husband, Peter, owns an information technology business. Their four daughters have become somewhat inadvertent basketball stars.

“We come from highly educated families where the mind-set is to send your children to the best schools where they get the best education and the best opportunities,” Ify Ogwumike said. “Sports was not a focus; education was the focus. We just happened to find sports and find that you can get the best of both worlds.”

She insisted that her eldest daughters, Nneka, 24, and Chiney, 23, play the piano. Not until they were 11 and 10 did the sisters take up basketball at a Y.M.C.A., adhering to their mother’s two requirements: They had to play the same sport, and it had to be indoors in humid Houston.

The parents of her friends were skeptical at first, Chiney Ogwumike said, and advised her mother, “You need to put them in honors math.”

Eventually, Nneka and Chiney became all-Americans at Stanford, and No. 1 overall picks in the W.N.B.A. draft. Nneka plans to pursue a Master of Business Administration degree, while Chiney intends to enter law school. A younger sister, Olivia, played in the starting lineup much of this season as a freshman at Pepperdine and will be joined by the youngest Ogwumike sibling, Erica, next season.

“Sports opened doors and sometimes knocked down doors for us,” Chiney Ogwumike said.

Romanus Amukamara, 56, a math teacher, traveled to the United States from Nigeria in 1980 on a student visa and was told by his parents that a “good name is better than riches.” His grandfather was a king of a village, hence the names Princess and Prince given to his children. His eldest three children have college degrees, and Promise is scheduled to graduate from Arizona State in May.

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“People can take your wealth, your property, but they cannot take away your knowledge or that diploma,” Romanus Amukamara said.

Sports provided structure and recreation. Romanus Amukamara was a soccer player, and his wife, Christy, was an elite sprinter in Nigeria. Their children became competitive. Princess Amukamara, 28, played high school football before turning to softball in college. (“I think she was a linebacker,” Prince said with a laugh. “She always wanted to spear people.”) Precious, 24, won seven Arizona state high school track and field championships.

Promise, 21, and Peace, 20, received basketball scholarships and have helped make Arizona State a top-10 team this season.

“In high school, our eyes opened when our coaches told us, ‘You have the potential to get a scholarship and play the sport you love at the next level,’ ” Promise Amukamara said.

Passionate Amukamara, 17, laughed and said she felt some pressure to be the best athlete in the family because she was the youngest. “Once my parents found out my brother was good in football and my sisters were good in basketball,” she said, “it became, ‘You have to excel in sports as much as you do in school.’ ”

Tribal war on Family section...
Ijebu VS Ekiti
Round 1

https://images.sodahead.com/polls/0/0/1/3/3/9/5/7/7/boxing_round1.jpeg

akaglue:
The purpose of this thread is to encourage women to be financially independent.

- The aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman I wrote about is the industrious woman. The financially diligent woman.

- It is a wake up call to all woman to stand up and be financially independent. We keep hearing stories of how a man left a woman, or died or maybe lost his job, and the family is left in penury.

-We should learn from the mistakes of others and be industrious too.

Thank you.

Akaglue, I often hear Nigerian women say 'his money is our money and my money is my money'. What do you think about that?

Unfortunately, the morally decrepit males make the loudest noise with their female enablers, thereby tarnishing your image.
They want everyone to be like their satanic selves. You faithful men need to speak out more and attack those sexual deviants spoiling manhood.

KanwuliaJara:
Jeje o!!!!!

Even the males who built their NL monikers on perpetual gorilla aggression are even crying this early morning o because 'gentle stillwater' taught and is still teaching one of their fellow degenerates a lesson or two. Yeye people.