₦airaland Forum

OBUKOMENA:
The mother went to the hospital on Monday and was told there was nothing they could do 'bout it.Besides,I believe we got doctors on here,reason I opened the thread.

If people don't go to the right places,they can't get the right results.There are different types of health institutions;PHC,private clinics,teaching hospitals,e.t.cWhere did your SIL go?
No experienced Gynae or midwife will tell your sister to just go home that there is nothing they can do about it,that will be a big lie.Your report is an indirect report so it was obviously misinterpreted.Don't give people like shymexx the impression that nothing works in Nigeria.

Babygirlfl just gave a good explanation of what is going on.The biggest reason is that the child's mouth is not on the tea.t enough.Let the child keep sucking even if nothing is coming out.
Meanwhile,the child can take formula.

It depends on when you intend to break your fast.A lot of times the communion is taking at the end of a fast.

If you belong to a particular denomination,then I guess contraception is a sin.
Family planning and contraception is not a sin.If there is a pregnancy,then the right thing is to keep the baby.

Take care of the woman you got pregnant and be there always for that child.

Amhappy:
@thorpido there were also little account of wedding ceremonies in the bible and most of them religious head were not mentioned. Leah and Rachel was giiven in marriage by Laban(their father),Mary was betrothed to Joseph,even the wedding @Cana was purely a feast. Religious ceremony were introduced by early Christians and was not recorded in the bible.

You know in the examples you quoted,we don't have the full story.Like you said,we only have 'little accounts'.We only have the parts that probably were important at that time.The bible could say Laban gave Rachel out as wife just as it may be stated that your dad gave you out to your husband.It wouldn't mean that there was no priest present.
The most important thing in all these is that marriage was meant to bring two together to become one.However,if such marriage does not work,there are legal procedures to dissolve it.

Amhappy:
Well on the 'for better,in health etc' there is actually nothing wrong with it,it is a declaration of faith as you said. However there is nothing wrong with 'for better for worse'. The traditional vow is a clear statement that no matter the condition we will be together. But Op made it look that this traditional vow is what stops people undergoing abuse from seeking divorce. Divorce is never part of Christian marriage even if your vow only says 'I love you'. However if divorce becomes necessary,then there is the societal way. Putting laxity on the marriage law will destroy the santity of christian marriage. Developed countries are typical examples.

That was what the Op implied,that for better for worse was what kept people in abusive marriages.Christian couples living in the love and doctrines of Christian living will not have reasons for divorce.If divorce becomes necessary,there is a societal way as you said.

Amhappy:
Wedding in the bible was never held in the church but in the couples home. It was never officiated by a pastor,priest or judge. Fathers were actually the centre so its was trad marriage. No certificates were issued then. All these things were introduced at a point in the christian faith because it was necessary and for legality sake. God hates divorce so in ideal condition those vows are right for a christian marriage. If one profess for better,in health,for richer is he saying that he/she will leave the spouse if sickness comes. If divorce becomes necessary,proper procedure must be followed. However except in rare cases church does not grant divorce. If you marry a divorcee,thats adultery. Most divorces follow secular proceeding.

In those days there were no churches.Fellowships(churches-it's not about the building but the gathering) were held in homes.They usually had a religious leader(can be called a pastor) who presided over the ceremony.
The issuance of certificates were actually secular practices but the church is part of the society and the society part of the church and since it is not contrary to church doctrines,it was adopted.It is good for legality sake.

Saying for better,in health and for richer does not mean abandoning the spouse when sickness comes or there is a setback in finances.Those words are actually confessions of faith.The bible let's us know we are children of faith.
Like you wrote,divorce proceedings are actually secular proceedings.
The love of God working in a couple will NEVER lead them to divorce and that is why it was never a church procedure.

tbaba1234:
What if both parties are just not compatible or fall out of love... Maybe they start to grow apart or they have different incompatible dreams and no one is willing to give theirs up.

What if none of them is deliberately doing anything to hurt the marriage but it still suffers. What if multiple counselling fails to change the situation, what if they are both unhappy making them irritable.

Usually,the period of courtship helps to determine compatibility.However,it is possible for couples to grow apart after marriage.The only reason will be because they stopped doing things that stoke the flame of love or started doing things that douse the flame.Sometimes people may not deliberately do things to hurt the marriage but passivity in marriage can also kill the marriage like when coals of fire are left unattended to,they burn out.
At that point one person should point this out to the other and they should both discuss it and make efforts to work on it.They may need to seek counselling too.
It will take an unwillingness on the part of couples(or one of the parties) to change for the marriage to break down irrevocably.At this point,the marriage is better dissolved.

You haven't heard of parents who kill their children for rituals?If a mother joins a cult,a close family member is often demanded as a price as i heard.
I know of a family where they stay away from the mother because she is said to be diabolical/a witch.

Is that so?How about the risk of HIV with these multiple partners?

bukatyne:
I agree with you

Paul said if an unbelieving partner wants to leave, he/she is free to do so.

I strongly do not believe a cheat, abusive partner etc. is a believer

No you can't be a believer and continue to live a life doing things that destroy marriage.

You're right those words are not in the bible.However,not everything we say as Christians is necessarily in the bible.God already gave us a guide(the Bible) and His Spirit.

In Matthew 19 from vs 3,the Pharisees came to ask Jesus about divorce and Jesus replied in vs 4.He said,
'...And said unto them,Have ye not read,that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female,and said,for this cause shall a man leave father and mother,and shall cleave to his wife:and they twain shall be one flesh?Wherefore they are no more twain,but one flesh.

The words of Jesus here simply means they stick together forever in all situations(for better for worse as some say).

In vs8,He responded to further questioning by saying,'Moses because of the HARDNESS OF YOUR HEARTS suffered you to put away your wives(or your husbands):but FROM THE BEGINNING it was not so.
You can see the divorce stems from a hardness of the heart.Abuse,sexual neglect and addiction all come about as a result of the hardness of the heart.Christian teachings do not encourage anyone to continue in such a relationship.The Word of God is that love should grow in the hearts of a couple and naturally,they wouldn't have a reason to even want to separate.Where that cannot be achieved,separation is inevitable.

.....by the way some churches have modified those words and some simply say.......' for better,for richer and in health'.

The bible says,'.... in all thy getting get UNDERSTANDING(Prov.4)
If you don't have THE understanding in the first place,the scriptures will confuse you.

Are people saying someone's mother cannot use juju against her own child?
Well I know a family where the mother is confirmed to be diabolical and the children don't set eyes on her.

majekdom2:
oh you have not met a frustrated man, he is worse than that mil you think is frustrated.

You're missing the point.There are frustrated men.They usually don't take out their frustrations on their children's families.

cKaiser:
Most people think men are stupidd and dont know what they are doing.

I am sure some of MKO Abiolas wifes too thought he didnt know they were cheating until they saw he mandated them to have their kids do a DNA? You would think Kema Chikwe's husband, those Nollywood actresses, those celebrities husband too dont know

Even the average joes on the street, whose wife go to sleep with men around you think he is dumb and doesnt know a thing? The woman who was sleeping with one popular Pastor you would think her husband dont know.
I know guys who have caught their wife cheat and wont say a thing outside. One didnt even tell a single soul about it because of the shame the society would tag him for allowing a philandering wife, It was until he divorced her years later before he told people whereas if it was a woman immediately she would raise alarm

Because men have a way of internalising or rather ignoring things you think they dont know also?

So everyone in the area knows Mrs X is doing runs and her husband wont have any idea, any slipped text, calls, etc or no one would tell her husband

The men who know are either cheating themselves or stay for some reasons beneficial to them.If Kema Chikwe is cheating,I bet the husband must be enjoying the booty.She a strong PDP woman you know.What do you expect of Abiola's wives?They had a husband who was not available except for the money.Even Abiola couldn't hate on that.He only wanted to ensure he paid for the kids that were his.

crackhaus:
While you make some points, it's also presumptuous to ascribe a troublesome MIL to how well her own marriage fared.

She may not just like her DILs character/behaviour.

Actually,I'm not saying a troublesome MIL is automatically a product of a failed marriage.Some people are naturally troublesome and can't be easily satisfied.
However,women who pick quarrels with their DILs usually are letting out some frustrations that to a great extent has to do with their own marriages.

My wife usually makes this statement whenever our daughter is disturbing her and she needs to do something for me: 'hey,let me have time for my husband'.By God's grace we grow into old age together,do you think she will have time for a DIL?Probably not.

cKaiser:
Those women who they take to short time hotels most have husbands, Do you think all these husbands are dead and blind not to know?
Probably they do and just deal with it differently like I said take to alcohol or gambling or just run away. So why arent they going to disturb their son in law like the women do?

Some don't know and the ones who know are definitely cheating themselves so they turn a blind eye.
The nature of men is different from that of women and we react differently.The way men deal with their frustrations is different from that of women.The son-in-law's place is the least of places to go.

crackhaus:
I think it is dependent on the kinda relationship/dynamic between them and independent of what the MIL may have gone through in her marriage.

What determines chemistry or relationships?Usually personality.
What determines personality?Character
What determines character?A combination of nature,environment, thoughts and things that are fed into the subconscious.

Largely,the way you will relate with people is determined by who you are.

cKaiser:
Are there men who endure marital frustrations? How come these men dont go frustrating their son in law like the so called frustrated women do to their daughter in Law

First of all,the men don't and won't stay in such relationships long enough to be conditioned by it.
Again men have other places to let out their frustrations than in a son's house.......womanize,sit in bars and get drunk,gamble etc.

crackhaus:
Bullsh1t!
What if she has more than one son, she'd be attached to all of them the same way, yes?

My take is that MIL-DIL relationships are dependent more on the chemistry between both than on just the MIL - she may not just like her son's new wife.

We all know that if you have more than one son,you will definitely have a favourite.
The relationship between a MIL and a DIL is dependent MORE on WHO the MIL IS or sometimes on who the DIL IS!

crackhaus:
This is clearly an assumption, there's no way you could possibly know this.

You'll be a mother-in-law someday who may just feel the need to frustrate her daughter-in-law.

Most women who become so attached to their sons usually don't have husbands - dead or alive.

Lunatic.
Channelling all his energy into strategising on how to break into the home and when the woman will be alone.
The devil's workshop.

There ought to be more stringent punishments for rapists in the society.

enkay27:
...the responsible ones are very very few

Glad to know you know that there are still some.

She ought to have left the marriage instead of coming out with this game plan.If he is a serial cheat,then quit the marriage and have your freedom to marry again.Hooking up with another man is not the solution.
Anyway,she says her husband is rich so I guess she can't quit because of the money.

Anyway madam,I hope you have done some veneral diseases and HIV test.

DrGroove:
Not surprised at the story.....Molesting young girls has been the handwork of men since creation......Worse when they are married men ..If they dont have money to fvck matured ladies outside n ashi, They don't mind screwing Lizard.....God forbid that I allow my daughter get close, familiar or stay alone with any male human including her father.These men are evil!!!! And should NEVER be trusted!!!!

Why don't you turn a lesbian and forsake all men?You've just got bile in you for no good.
I bathe my daughter.Maybe you should come take her away.

enkay27:
am not talking about their wives...i mean young girls that are being molest by married men..their wife(ves) are not even aware of what they do and find it so difficult to believe whenever such cases arose because they present themselves as saint before them. I can stand by any man in situations but not the one that has to do with women...i can't trust or vow for any man or boy when it comes to women.....i know what am talking about

Okay,now i get what you are talking about.Men molesting young girls under their care.Well it happens a lot no doubt.However,i don't think you know all men.You need to know me.

enkay27:
if you have sister(s) try as much as possible to relate with them very well i mean no secrets in order for them to be free with you i bet you....you will be shocked with what you will hear and also always pray that God gives them the grace and wisdom to fight back...if you are married always pray for your daughter(s) even if they can't open up to anybody let God always direct them and you should always be free to discuss issues with them especially about opposite sex...a lot of girls are suffering in the hands of married men

I won't deny that a lot of women have issues with their husbands.However,your generalisation is still what i have a problem with.
Within my close circle of friends,how come their wives are not suffering?Not saying everyone of them is a saint but it's not something known to us.
Does it have to do with your own circle of friends?

enkay27:
I came from a very good background....my dad was a very respectable man though I never knew if he had cockroaches in his cupboard the....Hoestly 99.8 of men out there are cheat so all men are cheat...i know so many of them..i only pity their wife

Hmmm,how many men do you know?How many have you been with?
It's a still a fallacy of hasty generalisation.

enkay27:
.

Father, brothers even the ones that I will born they are the same...shameless and unreasonable men

Well,it's a pity some people come from a family where the father is not a role model.However,there are families where the father serves as a good example.
Unfortunately,you are already talking bad about children you have not even given birth to yet.It'll be sad having you raise them.