₦airaland Forum

GOD FORBID I OR ANY RELATIVE OF MINE JOINS THE NIGERIAN ARMY.

A country that cares less for the lives of young and vibrant citizens who are willing to sacrifice their lives for the unity of same country.Tarrrh

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considering this dreadful thread on placed on front page yesterday(https://www.nairaland.com/2823242/upside-down-marriage), i believe
Lalasticlala and ishilove should consider this thread on fpage for people to learn from...too many one chance marriages these days.

akinsal:
Nice n interesting thread. Op u try.

I think its good both parties b open to each other. Dias no need hiding d truth from someone u intend to b with. Like they say "The devil u know is better tham the Angel u dont know"

For me i do like doing a thorough research and asking someone i intend to spend d rest of my life questions from time to time. And i also appreciate they find out about me in like manner. To me it makes me know all about d person and therefore i wont b moved of any rumour i hear from outside.

unfortunately she felt it i was trying to b a critic in finding all about her past. dats bygone though and i thank God for that

I must say everyone has a past wether good or bad or ugly.

Yeah bro..i still can't shake off the story i read last night on front page and it was like a fiction horror novel.

I actually tot ladies are usually at the recieving end until i saw that thread..omo na wa o.

kingsilly:
Nice write up... I strongly advice to participating parties in a relationship be opened in all dealings, live your life the best way possible so you don't have a lot garbage when people start digging in.. You reap what you Sow, don't blame anyone faulting your past, in due time though you'll see someone who will oversee it all and stay with you nontheless

Very true

misspicy:
yeah right,if only we can open our eyes and spirit and not allow pastors do the enquires for us,a lot of people will be saved from marriage headaches

Ifahia my pastor said or prophet said?

If only we know how many people that have been misled by these so called pastors and prophets.

Excellent7:

Many people are wearing masks, you need time, smartness and some patience to see the real person(s).
Without this incident, you can imagine the speed the Dad will have used to give her away to you in marriage if you had asked for her hand in marriage, thus outsourcing their family problem.
Of course they will be waiting for your tales of woe with their daughter (knowing you will surely come when you see) and the carefully prepared with standard palliative answers that does not touch the problem but turn your life to a nightmare (e.g. be patient with her, she will change, no marriage is always sweet,).
Sharp guy, Congrats you just smartly dodged a bullet!

lol...infact ehn...i am speechless.

misspicy:
lmao fear women


anyway, I think if a person is truly remorseful about their past and is carrying out efforts to change,they should be given a chance

but God knows I can never marry a murderer

Sure why not?

The idea of knowing the past of your prospective bae is not to necessarily dump him or her but its about readiness to cope and to avoid unpleasant surprises.

If you find out the lady you are crushing on was an olosho,that does not stop you from forging ahead to be with her but at least you already know hence the readiness to cope with any unpleasantries that come with it.

magneto:
Hmmm I can relate to this. I remember one time back in school a "platonic female friend" passed d nite in my room (we had been watching movies and gisting till late). I swore in my mind not to misbehave because of our friendship and despite the mad rush in my brain, I composed myself. But dis babe kept tossing and turning and inching closer to my side of d bed, almost flinging her arm at my junior member! O boy, I quickly turn face wall till morning. Brethren dat was d last time we ever gisted or hanged out like dat ever agn, and to make matters worse the rumours started flying abt dat urs truly was a weakling...ehn!! Me wey dey teach men skills?

Anyways fast forward to my service year, and another "friend" came by my kaban. This one is a close family friend so u can say she should be more like a sister to me...for where?? D girl curves na 'kill and bury' o! She was visiting her friend in a university in the neighboring town and "just happened to remember" dat I was serving in dat state so she called just to say hi...(like seriously?) Of cos I sharpenly picked up on her signals and compelled her to visit me b4 dreaming of travelling back or else... Long story short she was glad she came, we had a fun time at my ppa and she wore my boxers and t-shirt to bed, hmmmm....wat to do now? At first she face wall and I face rug, but then I just zero my mind say if she resist too much I'll let her be. Her resistance didn't last past 10 seconds! and it was one of the best ever....tension released for both of us! She's married now with 2 kids and we're still best of friends, no strings attached. We talk abt dat day sometimes tho and she fondly joked one time dat she never thot I'd have the liver to make a move on her, and was pleasantly surprised wen I did! Needless to say, my chest still swells at dat comment.

Moral of story...learn to read d signs from ur so called 'platonic friend' wen next he/she is around u. They just might want more dan ur giving but too invested in the friendship to voice out their desire

Bad guy

misspicy:
oh this thread is not new? didn't know




I think we should imbibe that old method of marriage before getting married,it really helps in a way,even though people can change or be an exemption from the rest family members,traces of certain traits and characters can still be seen in them....I encourage your right up really,I will prefer to know the past of the person am getting involved with,vice versa

There is this young sweet looking lady who happens to be a daughter of a family friend.

Honestly i was getting to like her but decides to calm down and not rush things.

This lady is a smooth talker and she has wowed me with her smooth talks of how decent and responsible she is but something happened last week and i would not have known if her dad did not open up to me.

She took permission from her dad that she wants to visit a friend that stays close by and will spend 5days with the friend..

They asked for the house address and phone number of her friwend she refused to give then then left home for 5days without calling the family to tell them where she is and her phobe was also switced off.

After 5days her phone goes tru just for her to tell me she is in Anambra and i was like O.M.G

I cald the dad to allay his fears that her number finally went tru and that she is fine and well in Anambra and that was when i knew she told her parents she was going to Egbeda...lol

In Anger,her dad gave me the story of this smooth talking lady and my jaw dropped..infact she is an isis in the family of jews to summarize the story.

So honestly most of us get carried away and we just assume that person is just ideal for us not knowing we are on a long thing.

misspicy:
serious investigation needs to be done in the case of marriage o,that front page thread got me on my toes.......jeeezzz

Lol..it was as if i was reading a horror novel and that thread made me resulcitate this piece i wrote months back.

Jolllyjoy:
Toks2008 your threads have been making frontpage for sometime now,even the ones you created since june..

Hmmmmm mouth sealed sha.

lol..this front page thing seems like a gold medal for many but to me i see it as an opporrtunity to share my insight with a bigger audience.

I just realized that no matter how excellent your writeup may be,it is very important to point the mods to it if you want it considered for front page and unfortunately i dont do that when i write until now and that is why you see the threads i created months ago now getting shared on front page.

So the trruth is that there is no favouritism on the side of the mods and as long as you point them to your threads,they will check it and take it to the main page if they dim it fit.

DharmyYinks:
No matter how reasonable it sounds getting to knw ur potential partner bfor falling hard, I think der is a reason for d statement..

Let the Past be in the Past.


Sum pples past re filled with nightmares. Bringing it up floods their head wit painful memories.

U dnt ve to force it outta ur potential partner. Let em tell u if dey re cool with it and if not....wel... u can still create a future together.

At least know the past and be the one to decide you want it to be in the past.

There are somethings that always hunt the future like complicated abortions that may cost the lady child birth and many more dangerous past that refuses to be in the past.

dachaste:
My dear I can do dat without fear


Tin is wot if dat person changed since d last relationship?




Wot if d person became good or turned bad?






Hw will ur investigation enable u to prevent anything?

Its not about changing anything but about having the awarenes of the past/present nature of that person...

Look at the thread that is on front-page now..https://www.nairaland.com/2823242/upside-down-marriage...

If the guy had done a serious due diligence,all he is knowing after marriage would have been revealed before marrying her and even if he decides to go ahead,he would have been prepared to a certain degree and will not come to him as a shock..thats the point.

If you find out a lady was an olosho before marrying her,you won't be surprised if you start hearing some funny tales about her after marriage unlike when you don't even have a clue.

dachaste:


Speak with one's ex? Omo see gobe





And what exactly are u expecting to hear? Praises?





E don be for u be dat ooh






shey u Neva hia say wan man kunu na anoda man alomo abi

That is the beauty..A wise person will know the facts to gather from whatever the ex says about that person..no matter how that ex tries to spoil the image of that person,there will still be some facts about that person that wil surface.

I once had a casual female friend who asked me to ghive her the number of my ex that she would like to know me from her perspective..

Without wasting time i gave her and she called her and said some stuffs about really wanting to know me from her point of view.

After several minutes of chatting this my friend looked at me and said toks..your ex needs help and i just smiled.

How many ladies or guys can allow their present bae chat up an ex?

Toks2008:
Have you always wondered why some people are quick to say "i don't want to talk about it" whenever a new person in their life asks them to tell them why they broke up with an ex?

I guess most times people who are quick to waive the discussion might just have something sensitive they do not want to share because in many instances we tend to allow the feeling of initial gragra cloud our sense of reasoning and just fall in love with someone who was really a nightmare to his or her ex(es) no wonder why many companies ask for letter of reference from your past employer or someone that can really vouch for you.

I believe if we all imbibe the culture of insisting that we speak one on one with an ex of our potential new partner or dig into their past,we will save ourselves unpleasant surprises and avoidable heart aches.

Before you allow yourself fall in love please do a due diligence and you will likely get some ample facts that will give you a glimpse of who that potential partner truly is.Sounds funny but reasonable.

Many men have lost their lives indulging with married ladies who lied to them that they are single as well as many men losing all they ever worked for to a dangerous gold digger as well as evil ladies and many ladies have ended up getting deeply involved with a married man or even a notorious guy without having a clue.

Trust me on this,it is always better to scrutinize the past of any new person we want to start a real affair with because when it comes to character, more often than not, humans are like leopards who never change their spots


Hope this makes sense.

the thread i just saw on front-page makes it necessary for people to read this.

samocholi:
My dear brothers and sisters in the house especially the married ones I frankly need ur candid advise as I am tired of her ,her bad and unrepentant character and her evil ways but am only looking at the term Christian marriage in terms of divorce as I ultimately want to make heaven just as every one.

Thank u for taking ur time to go through my ordeal.

I once created a thread and maybe it would have made front page if i had pointed the mods to it and i will do that tomorrow hoping it makes front page...https://www.nairaland.com/2620465/when-bae-insists-investigating-past

I must say you have entered a one chance marriage and i am not even sure divorce will solve the problem because this type of lady(If all you wrote is true) can kill you even after divorce.


However divorce is the only solution and not just divorece alone but you must report to the police right away and she must write an undertaken that she will not do anything silly.

If you waste anymore time with this lady consider yourself dead.

Once is a mistake but twice is a habit.

Vikky014:
seriously some guys need Jesus in their life. i roll with brothers in the Lord dt can control themselves i also avoid being alone with any of my male frnds in a lonely place so evn if they r nursing crazy feelings they wunt b able to express it in reality... i had one funny experience while queuing to withdraw frm an atm the guy behind me was rubbing his stuff against my little asset. initially i thought it ws nt intentional and ignored him only for him to keep doing it. i hav to tell him to come to my front let me stay behind he did so wtout asking why ...my point is dt naturally guys will always nurse feelings evn wtout being ur frnd it now depends on the girl to draw the line.. so we girls know wht we r doing.. Thanks

lol...little asset indeed..anyways the truth is that judging from the comments so far,guys understand better because most ladies are neutral when it comes to this just friend thingy.

One day i believe these vanity celebrities will grow up.

yaskarahyelhope:
Its is extremely possible. I av a male friend since yr 2000, we can even sleep on d same bed. He knows my secrets and I know his. He's married now with two kids. Since we've been together till now, he has never seen my pant nor have we had SEX. Its very very verrrrrrry possible for two opposite sex to be together as very good friends. It takes maturity and understanding. At first he made some advances for sex, but along d line, when he realized, I wouldnt give in, he replaxed. But they are very rate.

SO ITS VERRRRRRY POSSIBLE!!!!!

Chai..you just contradicted yourself.

amazingspiderma:
Op is just myopic. What happens to business partners,reading groups etc.
So two guys that are close for a long must be gay,abi .
Only kids think this way.

Some people are so inteligent that they always fail to read and comprehend before writing comments.

Oga puma please go back and read..co-worker can be likened to business partner

burmmersam:
In the actual sense, this article holds a fact that most people will dispute. Initially, I was like, "ki leleyi nso bayi". But when I got to where the article reads, "
I know some people will say not in all cases and i quite
agree but there is a simple test to know if there is no hidden
notion or surpressed desire so please as a lady just prove
me wrong? give that just friend of yours a kiss and watch
him stop you. After-all you guys ought to be just friends." Shouldn't we all just go for the test and come back here for the comments...

Lmao...i guess some ladies will expect a telemudo scene to play out where the guy will be like..no no no we should not be doing this...lol

Thanks for pointing that out jare.

rugged7:
Toks2008

WAITAMMINIT!!!

You can actually have a girl as your very good female friend.

However, both of u have to get the sex out of the way.

I had a very attractive friend who's assets were almost falling out of her clothes

Walahi talahi, there was too much sexual tension.

We sat down and talked about it and agreed to sleep together once and get the sex out of the way.

Gabadaya, who am i to refuse.

Unfortunately or fortunately, once only was not enough; we had to do it a couple more time to really get the tension out.

She even gave me her naked pix as momentos

Me and her are the best of friends now.

She is married now and has 2 kids.

I drink beer with her husband regularly as well.

No kasala

*And Yes, the husband doesn't know...
*And yes, i still have her naked pix
***Hmmm....Those kids look suspiciously familiar...

lol..your post is so rethorically ironic.

Vikky014:
HMMMMMMMMMMM..I HAV MANY MALE FRIENDS OOO SO U MEAN THEY ALL WANT TO BED VIKKY014..MY FORMER COURSE MATES

I made it clear in my first paragraph.

Duru009:
Its possible to be friends......

But thy will always end up banging eachoda. Its very difficult to be friends with a lady without banging.
All my female friends from high skul to university till i got a job. I will always bang them.

If you dont bang her she will always see you as a weak man.

Baging her will even mak her respact you more and always listen to your advise.

This is the true. Take it or leave it.

I do not fancy your tenses but i can relate with your raw message...

A lady i tot was just my friend came to my room while i was still in Uni and for one reason or the other she passed the night and i did not sleep with her .

About two weeks latter i went to her hostel and i was discussing with other ladies when she suddenly shouted....Bode is impotent from a reliable source...

All her friends were like..wettin this one dey talk...cos none had a clue that she passed the night in my place two weeks earlier...

This was a lady i tot we were just friends...

I also had another experience about 6months ago when a female facebook friend requested to pass the night in my place cos of a job interview since she was not based in lag...

She slept in my place for 3nights yet nothing happened and she told me frankly that she respects me....

Now from these two experiences among seceral others i hve come to realize that in most cases,one out of the two will usually have a neutral mindset while the other will be nursing desires so trust me..i know what i wrote.

rejoicebae:
Op u re sayin the truth jhoor,,ah stopped puttin mysef in such delusion wen my bdae mate,,infact,,,family fwends,,we went to the same skul,,graduated frm college the same year,,forcefully kissed mhe wen i visited and we wer gisting,,if i need a male fwend,,i wud go get a bfwend

LOBATAN....

STENON:
I love making and meeting new friends most especially the opposite sex.



No hug sef not to talk of Sex...


It depends on your mindset.

If only every lady can hear what the just male friend is thinking whenever they are together...

Then again some ladies are just so unattractive that while they are thinking they are just friends,the truth is that guys are not even thinking of dating them....hard fact

WISHING YOU ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS

Joavid:
From the posts I see here, men who can't have platonic friendships with the opposite sex are sexists.

They see women as tools and sex objects.
They see women as people who have nothing to offer in a friendship.

So many people with fvcked up minds.

Let me explain this ...in most cases,the heart of ladies are pure...thats your make up but i call it a dumb mindset cos often times ladies will always reiterate that they are just friends with a guy until this guy now makes a move on them and you will hear stuffs like..oh i dont expect this from you...

Read that write up more carefully and you will understand that sometimes one party will see it as platonic while the other wont.

Then i gave a simple text which may seem hard but just try and lead these guys on and u will be amazed that while you were having a neutral mindset,they have been nursing funny feelings.

MissGdope:
what kind of dumb question is this?? smh
Op just cos you're a perv doesnt make everyone else one.
I have male friends, been friends with them for years and years. very close to them.
i don't understand wtf is wrong with it. you now want me to believe that all they want is a relationship?
you're SICK!

This one definite lacks good upbringing but must you let the world know?

You need serious spanking.

Walexsammy:
True or False

Very true

veraiyke:
My question actually doesn't demand yes or no. However I get your point and I would like to point out that though that can be done when you're celebrating that birthday in another month will you say that month is your birthday or the month you chosed to celebrate it due to logistics? Won't you say the actual birthday month for clearification? How much more this is a christian and universal matter

I quite agree with you expecially the type of songs we hear..i.e...long time ago in bethelem so the holy bible says..mary boy child jesus christ WAS BORN ON CHRISTMAS DAY...