₦airaland Forum

In many Countries, the issue of Bride price has been known to be a well grounded factor in determining your franchise over the lady.

In some parts of the world, this issue has been blown beyond proportion that huge money is usually asked by the Bride's parent and many suitors see this as very discouraging.

The amazing fact is that if you ask anyone why a bride price must be paid,they will be very quick to answer that GOD commanded it and even our pastors are quick to lay emphasis on this as a condition that must be met before a man and woman can be said to be married before GOD.

But is Bride price really a condition necessary for marriage? Can we say you are really married even if bride price have not been paid? Did GOD specifically lay down this as a law or was it man made tradition? Can Bride price be paid at anytime during the course of the couple living together as Man and wife? and is it proper for the bride's parents to present a list or ask for monetary bride price from the groom's family?

These shocking truths from the very Bible people use as yardstick for bride price will clear the air.


1. Bride price was never a commandment from GOD as a condition for marriage but only as a penalty for rape and in fact, you can still pay the Bride price and still be denied the woman to be your wife by the Father.

Lets read this from the book of exodus 22:16-17:
"If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins."

Deuteronomy 22:28-29: "If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman,for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.


2.Monetary bride is to be paid only on a virgin provided the man has slept with her before he decides to marry her but if the man has never slept with her,there should be no need to pay a dime on her.(Read again Exodus 22:16-17 above)


3.Even if a man meets a virgin and defiles her and decides to marry her,no man is expected to pay more than 50shekels of silver as a penalty and according to Google research, 50 shekels of silver is just about 15usd today so what is this madness going on where in some places a man is asked to pay hundreds and thousands for a lady who have probably slept with many men.

4.There was never ever a place in the Bible where GOD commanded the bride's parent to present a list but it is the groom's responsibility to bring whatever he dims fit for the lady he wants to marry.

The great example in the Bible was Isaac's marriage to Rebekah who was a virgin and there was no monetary exchange or penalty whatsoever between the two families but affordable gifts were giving to Rebekkah's family by Abraham but not demanded for by Rebekkah's family. Read Genesis 24:52-54.

5. Bride price according to the bible is all about virgins and all the references and bible verses all point to paying a penalty for defiling a virgin as well as giving gifts as Abraham did to Rebekah who also happen to be a virgin.

Genesis 24:15-16:Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor.The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.

6.Payment of monetary bride price on ladies generally whether virgins or non virgins is a tradition and not a direct commandment from GOD and in some countries like india,its a woman that actually pays a dowry on the groom and not the other way round.


7.Presenting list or asking for monetary bride price from a man who conscientiously marries a lady is man made rule and not from GOD hence becomes a sin because its better to obey GOD rather than men.

Acts 5:29:Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than human beings!

Conclusively i would advice that we just flow with the fun fare and traditions of the land and pay the bride price to either the Father of the Bride or the Mother of any lady we want to marry even if she is a LovePeddler.

Nevertheless.outrageous monetary bride price or list must be discouraged because it is not even Biblical in the first place but only necessary to obey customs and traditions.

Even Prophet Mohamed(May the peace of GOD be upon him) has this to say:

"the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other" (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255).

My candid take.

I have been reading only ladies comments and im not disappointed at all.

Men are visual and will need all the disciipline in the world to erase this from his memories till he grows old.

Tallesty1:
She was expecting the ATM to recognise she's a celeb and treat her differently.

It is crazy sha, I don't know why we find it hard to play by the rules.
before nko?

Go steal for market and see if them no go burn you to ashes

just steal N50 and you will know how far

I have seen worse temptations.

I will simply shake my head and walk away then ask her sister to caution her.

If i see her do it again i will ask her what she wants and if she says she wants me,i will give her what she wants and blame it on the sister because i don warn am before.

Don't quote me

LadyBoss1:
Oh lol Ok oh if u no blive what cn can i do Enjoy ur weekend dear

Just state it in writing that you are the one and i will stop disturbing you.

LadyBoss1:
U for talk nau u want ur name on d list abi .. Well a chic has to nominate u sorry

lol so in your mind you actually taught i quoted you because of the funny topic on the thread?

I was actually looking for your trouble. Wettin concern me with fineness?

I was actually going to tell you that i still dont believe you are the one on your profile pics as i maintained days back until you actually agree that you are the one.

LadyBoss1:
Haba u guys dey confuse me

Waiting for the remaining names to make it 20.

excellentmomma:
Check the first person that quoted me in a mature way, both of us were talking to each other in a mature way too, I wasn't playing the saint, I acknowledged what's wrong and explained somethings, now you jumped out playing the saint and condemning a whole tribe. I won't take that. Every tribe has their issues, so what's ur point? U are speaking out of hate which wasn't what we were discussing. Have you heard that two people in love didn't marry each other because of bride price? There's always a way round it. It's the players and gold diggers that run. It's just a hurdle that must be crossed to reach ur destination. You may even end up paying nothing if you don't have, and life goes on from there.

For real? End up paying nothing?

From the little i know about the igbo tribe maybe not all...even if a lady bears all the children in this world for you,she is never considered your wife until you finish all the rights like paying the complete bride price and other rights.

Is this true?

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]Loving a girl is not enough excuse for a man to financially wreck himself just to marry her.

Don't forget he will still need money to run the family.

It's because of this same mentality that has made many men look elsewhere.

It's not like it's only women from the east who can be wife materials. Thank God we have so many variety of tribes to choose from.

So if you people continue with that mentality,,i'm sorry many of your women will still be old and single.[/color]

This bride price thing sef.You all should watch out for a mind boggling revelation about it in my next article.

twentycent:
This thread looks fishy to me...am strolling to food section to catch sm shawarma..I dey Kwom

As as how?

mannyiyke:
It's not everywhere in Igboland dat requests for an exorbitant and outrageous bride price. In my part of Igboland (Oraukwu in Idemili North LGA of Anambra), bride price is not more than 20,000 naira excluding food and drinks to be served on that day, except d groom-to-be wants to showcase his wealth. So, d notion dat most igbos demand outrageous bride prices is unfounded and false. U can get that in Owerri and Mbaise parts of Imo State.

unfortunately its an erroneous beliefs which must be countered by any wise Igbo lady in any affair with a man she would love to marry.

mannyiyke:
There's this lady i met on facebook, who is from my town, but who lost interest when she asked me what i do for a living, and i replied dat i own a small scale block industry and a computer centre. She's up to 37 or 38 yrs of age. She knows dat i'm a university graduate, but 'cos of my humble beginning, she lost interest all because she works in a federal teaching hospital. When i assessed d whole scenario, i arrived at a conclusion dat she's not worth me and dat i'm not even interested in her any longer, afterall she's 3 or 4 yrs older dan i am. But d irony is dat she's looking for a husband.

I keep telling guys to leave this love matter first and make money and i mean make good money then go look for love to buy.

Out of 100naija babes you will be extremely fortunate to see 1 that will love you even if you are a conductor with dreams.

It is in Nigeria that a lady will love you based on where you work and what you do for a living.

When you have money,most ladies will be point and get without much effort. I always laugh at thee so called desperate lady who secretly wants a made guy while they disturb GOD for husband yet they will hardly pick the call of a bar tender.

defemidefemi:
just now this news don reach here, wailers are very close to the computer system.

lets be frank,the article make sense.

wristbangle:
Excellent write up bro.

The fundamental truth is ladies don't know what they want and when you try to give them a coherent advice, they see u as an enemy.

Most time when I attend churches and see the huge number of single sisters, I keep asking myself is it this bad they go for deliverance because of village witchcraft.

Even some pastors are tired of casting demons in their life as they move from one church to another.

Honestly ladies of nowadays are so confused in selecting guys as they place their priorities on his physical attributes albeit the core values a husband material should possess.

LOBATAN

tmann626:
she cant reconcile wt me cos she's very proud n she's in anoda relatnshp. wen i contactd ha abt few mnts ago. she was tellin ha frnds dat i was beggin ha to come bk. i dnt tink i can date ha again.

Then stop sending her money.

My ex would text me she still loves me yet she is still undecisive.

Please forget her fast.For me if i see the right chic to move on with right now i will do so in a flash.

Some ladies are pathetic money mongers. Look very well and you will see other chics. Please forget her.

grin88:
.

lol

tmann626:
u are right wt numba 3. i dated a gal was i was stl strugglin in university. d gal rily helpd a lot wen i was broke bt she broke up wt me during my service yr. i'm stl regrettin dat we r nt dating anymore cos she wld av enjoyd me now dat i'm a lit bit ok. i do send money to ha once in a while bt i wish i cld stl do more 4 ha

I dont get it..if you still send money to her then why cant she reconcile with u?

I also had a similar experience with my ex who i was with for 12good years.

she was there for me when i had no dime and would use her money to prepare meals for me.

But just like ur case,she left _about 3years ago due to stagnancy.

Things were very very ok from 2002 till mid 2012 when i had issues with my business then things became financially rough and she told me point blank that if she turns 30 and stagnancy persists that she wont leave to start her life afresh and when she clocked 30 in 2013 she left so can you beat that?

sometimes i think even some of those ladies that wheather the storm with a man also has an elastic limit.

ceejay4real:
How can I generate 25000 Euro with zero capital? Pls connect me on @dbigcee4real, my twitter handle. Thanks man!

LOL! I love your reasoning faculty.I guess enough of this romance talks and lets make good money so that we can buy love at least i know that in naija,money can buy love.

so visit my signature and call me on any of the numbers listed in one of the pages.

Thanks

This is how policies of government institutions keep sending productive entrepreneurs back to square one.

Why can't they come out with regulatory policies rather than outright banning?

jaybee3:
Yet again you are going ahead making wrong assumptions even though it's really non of your business

I'm sure she never claimed to be looking for admirers on NL so why can't she be free to post whatever she likes so long as it conforms to forum rules?

You come across as someone very stuck up in old archaic ways

Yes you are 100% correct. I am an old soul living in a youn mans body.

This is why im so sexually decent and morally sound.

We need to present ourselves in a way that will not be suggestive and if you dont accept this then peace.

Ngokafor:
....Mr man go and marry and stop disturbing women,are you that jobless or what??.every time women and marriage,abi them swear for you sef?..

...please go and marry and leave women alone..you are a yoruba man yet talking about Igbo women and brideprice like you know what you are talking about.How is it your business anyway??...mscheww two kobo busy body!!!

Who is this tout?

I dont have problems with diverse opinion but wheen you lack the intellectual prowess to articulate it i get pissed.

Please whoever you are,just grow up ok,you dont come to a public socia platform to start making mockery of your parents effort on giving you good education so try to communicate intellectually.

Gurgle:
1. Yes people should cut cloth according to their size, so women shouldn't be too demanding or if they want all those wedding ceremonies they should be willing to contribute. Personally I am only interested in traditional marriage, and I would try to help fund it since I know the whole thing mostly concerns me

2. Not all Igbo ladies are naturally at risk. I hate it when people use this bride price thing against Igbos; everybody knows how decentralised Igbo people are so if you have a custom in one Igbo clan it doesn't necessarily apply to another clan. I agree that some clans are very extortionate but not all are, for example my place is not. And if you know your area is like that, or the area the lady is from will ask for a lot of things then why not prepare in advance instead of coming on here to complain

Plus, when the bride price is being negotiated, a lot of it is done by village elders who a lot of the time have never even bothered to find out how the girl was progressing all along, then when they hear she is marrying they descend on it like vultures. And the woman often has no say in a lot of the negotiations, except maybe the part of the bride-price that is paid to her father or whoever is replacing her father if he is late. So its not the woman's fault in this case

3. How many struggling men will continue with the same girl after they have made it, and not try to upgrade?

4. Whatever religion or faith you are you should try and think for yourself, especially when it comes to something as important as marriage. I don't know what kind of church OP is referring to but I guess its one of those "my pastor says this, my pastor says that" ones which I tend to think is nonsense but I may visit one of them one of these days and see if any of them has anything useful to say.

The lady he is complaining about had a belief she was trying to uphold but she could have called OP when he was still sick and explained why she didn't want to visit. Anyway OP was wrong to cut off the friendship because although she explained it late, its still a genuine reason and I think he was too proud and he overreacted. Everybody knows the temptation of seeing a guy at home, she was just trying to protect herself. If somebody scolded me for not visiting him at home I would literally never ever speak to him again. How dare he?!

5. Rough past is what it is, unfortunately. After conversing with many guys on NL I can see how important it is to keep as clean as possible, though we may slip from time to time. If there is too much in your past it becomes difficult for the man to cope with, although most of these men are the same ones going around destroying other men's future wives, so I don't know.

This is one of the things that makes me to think that the world is just as it is, not as it should be. After eating all a girl's food and probably forcing her to go through several abortions they still demand a virgin later on

6. Yeah we should all be working on being good wife material, definitely. Well we should just work on being good people, which makes us wife material by default

What do these pastors usually say and do in these deliverance sessions self. I'm thinking of visiting a pastor to see what they usually say to people. I am from a different church background and I dont think I have ever even met a pastor before. Maybe he can shed some light on me, not that im rushing to marry at the moment

What do you think about OPs points, do you agree?

Let me confess,i get sexually turned on when i hear an intelligent lady talk intellectually and i can't help falling in love with a lady who is intelligent no matter how ugly and let go of a brainless blac chyna.

I doff my hat for your intelligent arguments but let me just clear some of your deductions.

1. As per #1 you nailed it and please advice other ladies to reason as you do and i really hope you find a reasonable man who will never take advantage of your wonderful stand view.

2.You got that part wrong,i never wrote that all Igbo ladies are expensive to marry but ITS A GENERAL BELIEF by many guys that igbo ladies are expensive hence the need for any igbo lady in any committed affair with a man to start singing this into the ears of the man so that this erroneous belief will be expunged from his mentality.

3.Many ladies always get it wrong.A man may not stay sexually faithful to you because you were there for him when he had nothing BUT HE WILL NEVER EVER JOKE WITH YOU and given the chance that you remain by his side without bleeping up,he will most likely marry you even if he marries and beds other women.

Many ladies always expect that because they were there fore him,he should not even touch other ladies but this belief should be discarded.Look at Abiola,2baba,basket mouth,P square and even Olamide who sang melo melo for his lady who have been there for him.

Guys will almost never ever let go of a lady who have been there for them when they had nothing.I am a man and im telling you this raw truth so when next you se a made man and you jump on him,don't be fooled because he probably has a lady he cherishes far far above you.

4.This lady in question will still and forever be a friend to me because i invest so much in human relationship and no matter what you do to hurt me,i will always remain friends with you and never veer cut you off.

The truth is that i was getting to really love her but i have made some little sacrifices to show my care but just that one time that she had the chance to show a litle care,she blew it up due to crazy doctrinal dogma.

5.I am one guy who does not care about a ladies past as long as it does not affect the future. Like if your past abortions won't stop you from conceiving or if i will not see a crazy guy disturbing you while with me and stuffs like that.Any man who truly wnats you should know about your past to avoid unpleasant surprises but should not dwell on that.

6.Work on being a good person and invariably will be a good wife. For instance when i tell people i have been with just 2 ladies for the past 20years they scream and i always ask why? I am a sexually decent guy and always love to be with one lady not because of the love i have for her or not because i don't desire other ladies but as a believer i try to make GOD happy so Yes i agree with you that by trying to please GOD,by default we will apparently please our spouse.


As per that deliverance thing oh my you will laugh,husband hustle and after the deliverance they will ask the lady when she wants the man to walk into her life and she will say immediately then the man of GOD will decree that the man should locate her and stuffs like that.

I am not making mockery of the spiritual thingy though but its pretty funny howe it plays out.

alvin000:
I. Am also Seeking of a serious Yoruba lady who is ready for relationship that will lead to marriage.

It was my searching that made me realize how desperate some ladies can be.I will advice ladies in their early twenties and mid twenties to please and please be reasonable because one wrong affair at your early twenties can destroy you totally and you will see the guy just keeping mum and and licking the whole honey in you just to dump you in your late twenties and then wahala don start.

Watch out for my next article and you will realize that you don't really need to date a man for more than a year at most before he proposes to you even if he is living in face me i face trouble.

iamnemo:
So all the pretty ladies looking for a ready made Dangote.

I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

In economic terms, you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain: you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35, stick a fork in you!

Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity … in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what most of them are asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following: if my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating(leasing), not marriage.

But rational arguments rarely win the day in dating, love, and marriage.
Good luck in your search.

You are right bro

Do you know that despite the fact that i really want to settle down with a good lady,anytime i se a lady in her thirties i tend to pause and take a deep look unlike when i see 20something year old lady.

The moment a lady clocks 30 and she is yet to marry i will advice her to be very very careful because at this point on,even if she is not desperate at all,that age automatically puts her at a precarious situation.

Happiness87:
where are you based??

Lol sorry but your profile pics got me thinking...

I will advice you replace it with a more decent one because you might attract the wrong admirers.My candid take.

Don't ask why i checked your profile pics,most of us are guilty of the act.

jnrbayano:
You were making sense until no 2.

"Igbos" are not expensive. The bride price paid to the bride's family is returned to the man in a 9 out of 10 situation (the bride price paid in the head of each of my 3 sisters were returned)

I guess you need to assimilate and decipher my point. You will agree with me that there is a general mindset that Igbo ladies are expensive right? So im not saying that is true yet that seem to be the belief in many quarters especially the non igbo tribes so that was why i wrote that it is the duty of the lady to let the guy in her life understand that her case is not so.

Have you realized that Igbo guys now come for Yoruba ladies and some have argued that its because they are cheap but HELL NO.Its a cultural practice and been cheap is very relative.

Is been cheap about bride price or cost of marriage,Nah i think been cheap is about the decency of the lady in question.

kahara:
While some men hunt for a job,some women hunt for a man.

When men get a job,they start to hunt for a wife.

When women get a husband,they cease to hunt for anything because their job includes taking care of a husband who has refused to grow up always answering 'baby' and sucking breasts!

There is always a husband/wife for everybody and there is always a job for everyone.

No hurry in life.

Uwa mgbede ka nma

You will make a good comedian

Kassidy4luv:
Naija girls are so funny oooo,

I meet this girl in my area, I just moved in some months back, she demands so much, each time she comes to my house she go chop tire, the annoying thing is that she use to come with her friend. Them go chop all my food, men I called the girl to stop coming with her friend.

I finally banged the girl 3 good times, told her the next day. Am no more interested.

Now she don turn sister mary for church ooooo, I attended a night vigil, lol and behold na the girl be usher oooo, she see me shock!!!!

And if God opens your eyes to have a glimpse of her past life,you go faint.

And if you see the way they now package you go fear.

low cut,no jewelries,no more trousers and make ups and they will be so active in church.

aristosoft:
Now, I know another reason why Nigeria is so backwards, people who are supposed to think about a solution are only busy dealing with ladies who turned them down because they ain't buoyant enough.

People should get a life first. Enough of this marriage talk at FP. Please!

You have no idea bro. This is not about any lady turning down any dude but a fact.

What if you get that life then you get a lady and you get so broke then what happens?

sonofananimal1:
AT 18-24YRS THERE ARE BUSY JUMPING FROM ONE DlCk TO ANOTHER LIKE TRAMPOLINE



AT 25-30yrs THAT'S WHEN THERE ARE HARD CORE BORN AGAIN, NOT KNOWING THAT THERE WILL PAY FOR THEIR PAST LIFE.



YOU NAIJA WOMEN ARE THE COST TO YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU ALWAYS THINK MATERIALISTIC, NOT KNOWING THAT LIFE IS IN CONSTANT MOTION.

NAIJA WOMEN ARE WORST THAN ANIMALS


I HAVE ALREADY MAKEUP MY MIND NEVER TO STEP LOW TO A NAIJA WOMEN, THERE ARE ONLY GOOD FOR BANGING AND THAT'S ALL

Thats too harsh habba. awe still have good ones at least one out of 1000

Lol just realized my thread made front page for the first time since i registered in 2008 and should be my 89th thread.

Ok i try.Thanks mod.