₦airaland Forum

Asides the fact that this guy is an excellent teacher, every other thing about him is doubtful.

I have been a member of the haven since 1999 until i left as a result of some reasons that boils down to insensitivity by the so called brethren and too much emphacies on money and what they only want from you.

jenoncam: Sounds like she still love you in a silly woman way @ Toks2008

You can say that again sis.

Silly is the word.

Very true. My ex will send me unsolicited selfies,call me to know how im faring,chat with my family members,stalk my facebook with her sis account even after blocking me on hers,will wow! My pics but the crazytwist to this is that she was the one who threw in the towel yet refuse to let me be.

Cheny: @Toks2008, well said. But even at that, intact communication is not always a guarantee as some irresponsible folks still decide to tred d path of infidelity despite having a good flow with their spouses.Sometimes it is all about discipline and tolerance. some persons simply engage in what can be called 'longerthroat in dating' because no matter how complete their partner or spouse is,they still want to cheat.
Once again thanks for all ur meaningful posts.

I quite agree for that longer throat factor and this is why i tell guys, "go for a chic that turns your swag on, sexually above all and then other stuffs follow"

If she bleeps up as regards sexual infidelity, kick her ass outta the affair and get another sweet chic.

Its not a matter oi philandering, there are too many sweet chics out there for one Chic to start misbehaving.

Lust play your role right and don't let her leverage on your lapses.

Dcmg: True that!
That's why i will never advice any "Good" man to show excessive love and care to any Woman,they dnt value it.Good guys,pls don't be too emotionally attached to any woman,at the end them go fall your hands BADLY.

I disagree my freind.

The best way to be happy in any union you find yourself is to treat each other like royalty, love each other as if there is no other person in this world, cherish each other an remain faithful to him or her.

But still expect the worst from the other person but if the worse never comes, good for you and if it does, it won't hurt much cos you are already prepared for it.

This is why i have decided to go for lady that catches my fancy physically and i don't really care about that good character facade. A good lady can turn terribly bad and a supposed bad lady can turn a new leaf. I go for what turns me on and that will be good enough for me to remain faithful to her.

Okijajuju1: Emotional cheating is way way worse than physical intercourse..





The day you lose your partner 'emotionally' to another person, then you might as well be married to a blow up doll or a D!ldo..

Marriage/relationships are mostly about emotions.


#Fact..

It all boils down to ineffective communication.

THE POWER OF COMMUNICATION.

Do you know that communication is the only prerequisite for any long lasting union?

Every break in any form of union starts with a break down of communication. And worst still, delayed communication which gradually leads to emotional infidelity and the resultant effect is a physical infidelity and finally a break in the union that was once full of happiness and affection..

Writing from experience,i had an issue in my relationship simply because my spouse did not adequately communicate some issues in a timely manner and while i was feeling cool that all is well, According to her stands,she was nursing resentments that would have been trashed out in a timely manner if she had voiced out with every sense of seriousness and not jokefully and i never even had the slightest clue that she was hurting and will just wave any form of remarks she makes and we will even laugh over it.

This is the same case with many union today, we tend to stomach issues that would have been discussed and trashed out. There is no small or big issue, all issues must be treated with urgency. Don't be lackadaisical in expressing your resentments but communicate your pains sternly.

The worst part of it is that most of the time, the other party does not even have a clue if you are hurting so while you keep building up resentments, he/she will help you to add more until it becomes so big that before you say Jack, the union is broken beyond repair.

It could be an issue as trivial as the way your partner uses water, toothpaste,eati ng habit,relates with people, uses groceries in the house,the snoring habit, dress sense,abusive words,talkativeness or as serious as drunkenness, smoking,addiction of any kind,philandering and so on.

Even in intimate matters, you may like to be touched in a certain manner, made love to in a certain way,it may be a body odor from your partner or mouth odor.

It can be anything and i mean anything at all. Don't shelve it, don't ignore that issue,TRASH IT OUT IMMEDIATELY and i mean real trashing in a serious but humble and loving manner.

If he does not last long in bed please tell him to do something about it because you don't want to go out. If she is not good in bed tell her or teach her how you want it.

If you allow that resentment to go undisclosed, you can be sure to have more and more every passing day until it becomes a great wall of permanent divide.

Don't be scared in discussing issues with your spouse because if you are afraid of doing this then i guess you should as well opt for a break because i don't see that union getting better. And if you are the type of man who is so bossy that you think women have no say then you are indeed a beast who deserves to be living alone in the jungle.

It is no longer news that tolerance is vital in any union we find ourselves but nevertheless, we can always adjust and be the best we can for our partners if only we know the area that needs adjustment which can only be known by us if the other party opens up.

Lets learn to be communicative in a constructive and humane manner and we will realize how powerful this can be.

Waspy: Lovely thread....its been a while we had such a nice thread. Shoutout to the Op for sharing HER experience, a big shoutout to Toks2008 for the posts

Pleasure is all mine.thanks for appreciating bro.

Aystormz: Dayuuum...marriage palaver sha!

A perfect marriage does not exist and there is no ideal partner but if two people are willing to be accommodating as well as tolerate each other with readiness to forgive then they can have the best union ever.


The field always seem greener on the other side but you were the one who refused to water your own field.

Arsenate: but of course the new guy will appear perfect at the beginning. they are obviously not living together with the lady so she is not aware of his flaws. trust me he is not as perfect as she thinks. most guys, anyway, don't marry the ladies (wives especially) they snatch from another man. guys aren't as dumb as ladies. he'll always have it at the back of his mind that he might the next victim. cos smart bros know hoes ain't loyal.

Thats all.

wo1F: Uncle toks, I always feel for you each time you use your ex-wife's infidelity to educate us the younger folks on matters of the heart
I followed your painful separation and the eventual dimise of your then 11yrs marriage (op I got that right). One can only hope you've healed completely from such heart ache. If you haven't then you've got to try harder. You seem a decent guy enough so go out and meet people.
Lastly, quit giving her d satisfaction that you're still grieving for loosing her by using her as a case in point in your submissions here. She doesn't deserve such 'publicity', not after this whole time.
Move on bro, oluwa na your strenght

Trust me pal, it is very natural to always make it a pointer to educate people anytime situations or topics come up that relates to what went down.

It is not that i am grieving,not at all or i am still sulking just that i belong to a school of taught that believes in high morale standard and unfortunately this present world does not give a bleep about that.

As per moving on i have emotionally and that is what counts and getting another lady as sexual partner is easy but getting the lady to be with is not as easy as many people think considering the crops of ladies we have now that mostly have no morale standard as regards commitment and morality in sexuality.

So when i make reference, its nothing more than for educating people because when you write from experience, people value it more for instance the emotional infidelity part is one that is vital to share as regards this topis.

Nb:5yrs of marriage but 11yrs of relationship.

G12: abeg all wetin u type na pure assumption. Nothing bad was said about the other guy apart from, so stop making wrong hypothesis already. The guy could be more loving than her bf.

Can you be intelligently objective for once? This right up as you rightly wrote is hypothetical so leave it that way. its not condemning or liberating anyone,just an hypothesis.

You can be together and grow old together if both of you are willing to work it out.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they call at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens) and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment just to start that same circle all again and later realize the former partner was way better than the present one and then some people opt out once more to start that same circle all over with another new person and at this point the world starts looking at you as a clueless no good person who can never be happy with anyone.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

Did you read that last paragraph?please get this once more;

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

Loving someone is not by accident,its not a feeling,its a conscious decision by the people involved to be together and weather the storms together and not looking for an easy way out. The storms of lack,incompatibility childlessness, family scuffle,infidelity,bitterness,and many more.

Until both of you are willing to make it work,only then will GOD come in to make it happen. Because two people can never work together except they agree.

Babymama1: The second guy is obviously more attractive to her
What is she still doing with the boyfriend?
She is not married,so what is stopping her ,she can leave him and face the more desirable bobo
What is the use having a boyfriend when your heart belongs to someone else
Just switch over and tell the old boyfriend that you are done.such is life
No need living a lie,it will backfire when it comes out for it surely will
She is a single lady and this is the time to go with her heart

I simply laugh at the naivety of some ladies who claim they are in search of a man who will truly love them and appreciate them.

Why i laugh is because deep inside these ladies,they know if a man truly desires and appreciates them but what they are actually looking for is totally different from what they claim.

I have heard many ladies set standards as regards the type of man they want and there is absolutely nothing wrong in that except the fact that they cross the line by wanting to be with a man they have strong feelings for and even if they meet a man that truly desires them,as long as they don't have feelings for such man,its a NO.

I'm sorry to tell you this truth; many ladies will end up been an object of ridicule in their affairs until they learn the fact that all you need is a man that will truly love,appreciate and value you and every other thing is secondary.

Don;t be carried away by his money,looks or razzmatazz but be sensitive to know if he sincerely wants you and cherish you. If you are fortunate to have a prince charming who also truly desires you,good for you but never make this a must.

Yes i agree that your feelings towards this person is important but your marital happiness does not lie in what you feel for him rather its the way he feels towards you.

Of what use will it be if you end up marrying a man you are crazy about but will make you cry all the time? Of what use will it be if you end up with that man that has all you want except the fact that he turns you to a punching bag?

Some ladies are actually fortunate to end up with man of their dreams but to be on the safer side,be sensitive to know if that man truly desires you because not every man that comes for your hand in marriage truly loves and cherishes you because many guys these days marry for selfish reasons.

Trust me,its better to be with a man who truly wants,desires,appreciates you than to end up with a man you want but does not really wants you.

Don't let any man manage you,whether you are short,too tall,lanky, fat,"ugly", cute,thin...i can assure you that there is a man out there who will love and appreciate you just the way you are.

And the best part is that you will also fall in love in a short while with any man who truly shows you he cares even if he is a short fat ugly man.(watch beauty and the beast) and you will agree with me that all a woman needs is a man that will love and cherish her all the days of her life.

That is the man you need,and not necessarily the man you are crazy about.

Hope this helps

temigracie: ...How about if this particular guy doesnt feel anything for her??maybe he just sess her like a normal close pal....what if the guy is a woman-wrapper??

More often the guy may not really digg her. As he chats with you he does samewith other ladies.

Honestly some ladies are fools and i mean a big time DUMB ASS.

Please tell me,what siught of a man will continue to show interest in a lady who is engaged or married but a wayward bastard from the pitts of hell who has no regard for the santity of marriage andofcourse such a man will never value his own marriage.

I have a principle that makes me diatant myself from any lady who tells me she is married,engaged or in a comitted relationship. I dstance myself from you no matter how i feel towards you and i have met ladies who have been seperated from their hubby yet i still believe seperation to me is not divorce.

So honestly most ladies are so dumb and clueless that they will be in a committed relationship and just mess it up because they are infatuated to one low life who is probably just interested in screwn them and dumping them to move on to the next looosed dumb ass.

kobonaire: One day the relationship may become physical ...

Ofcourse almoat all physical affairs begin from within.

@OP,yes she is still cheating and that can lead to a break in her real affair.

My marriage got destroyed as a result of emotional cheating.

My ex got to know one guy who she said she was matchmaking wth her friend but gradually got carried away and the guy will chat wth her for long on other issues to the extent that he strted shown interest in her.

He would call her on phone for long period dat when i call her,the one wll be engaged.

I sat her down to dscuss it wth her statn emphatcally dat im not against her havn friends male or female but should maintain proper decorum and again i dont like the fact that this guy cals her by the maiden name but shld addrrss her as Mrs,afterall he knew her aftr she got marid. But just like every lady willsay "HE IS JUST A FRIEND" And guys should watch it whenever their ladies use these words.

To cut the long story short one day,i entered her shop after calin her for mnutes n her phone was engaged and wen she saw me enter,she terminated the call and that nyt for the frst time i decided to check her phone and i realised dat this guy have ben expressn desire for her but rather than put a stop she was enjoying the whole thing and even asked tbe guy to read about her zodiac while in actual sense she ought to tell the guy to read about her friend.

Why im wrting all these sermon is to pkint out the ease of gettn involved in an emotional affair expcially bythe ladies and bfore they say jack,they become attached.

I cald her to xplain the crazy chat and she jst waved it aside and i smashed the android phone and after rhat the marriage began crumbling until it finally broke up wen i dscovered even a worse one on a facebk chat of hers accidentally where a guy wrote that he called her to make him cum

This is a tragic case of emotional infidelity because all she always say is they are juat friends and i kept wondering why she always get herself nvolved with dirty minded irresponsible low lifea as friends.

If u are a lady in a commited affair please avoid getting close to any male other than ur man to avoid emotional infidelity cos that will destroy your affair big time and most times the guy u got so attached with may not be into you as you are made to believe.

Watch it

Anytime i see a rhread that involves contribution from nairaland ladies as regards romance and sex i dont bother reading that thread because its almost certain rhat they will hardly contribute because of their timidity or hypocrisy.

I cant believe that a thread like this running into 12 pages is mostly dominated by male post in a thread that needs more comments from females. Thanks sezxskill for ur input.

Left to nairaland babes,this forum would have been a seriously boring one.smh.

It is very wise to put all security measures in place to safeguard your property but trust me,any burglar will wet the pants just by seeing this.

They wont\'t dare trespass.

Call Diamond Field security concerns ltd on 09098760399,08023146046 and lets have your homes secured.

With far less than the cost you can ever imagine,we can have a quality hidden CCTV cameras installed and you can monitor from anywhere you are.

Not all of them do. If you're killing them with some sort of pesticide or neurotoxin, like Raid, their dying brains will cause spasms in their muscles. Frequently this will flip the roach over onto its back where it will then spasm uncontrollably and helplessly until brain death is reached. Most of the dead roaches you see are probably poisoned, which would explain why you're finding them that way. Roaches rarely meet their maker in a natural way out in the open; if they were to die naturally, they would probably be already too weak to leave the burrow. Too weak and slowly dying, the roaches dying of old age will most likely be on their bellies. But you'd never see them.

To recap: roaches have mini seizures when they're poisoned, flipping them onto their backs. By sampling bias, you probably only see the poisoned ones, and draw the conclusion that dead roaches die on their backs.

The only part i like here is him getting HIS DREAM JOB,else all this melodrama is not worth it for a graduate who ought to have a sense of dignity as regards the way he went about it.

Will not be surprised to see many more myopic graduates taking a cue. Why go through the stress of reading your life out for years just to stat looking for a job in this undignified manner? This same act could as well get him a job to start selling diapers or chocolates so why not go through a more direct way to get your dream job?

*My candid opinion*

Toks2008: Haaa! Just discovered that Anita is a piscean lady.

She is not materialistic and very very sacrificing.

She will do her best to salvage her family and she tends to be taken for granted but her problem is that she lacks good communication and usually go with the flow until she feels she cant take it no more then her unrealistic and unreasonable side takes over.

She rarely cheats on her man and a good option for a lasting union. If she feels she is not treated fairly,she takes a walk.

Trust me,she is a gentle lady that hates dcuffles but if she feels a strong love for her hubby and her hubby truly shows her he still wants her,she will find it hard to leave because piscean ladies love to feel wanted and needed.

Trust me,she gives no damn about all the wealth,she is an emotional person and she does not like been taken for granted.

I understand her perfectly because i was also married to a piscean lady..

These are ladies born between February 20 and March 20,

Now i know why Pator chris said we should pray for her because if you have ever experienced the mysterous nature of these ladies you will bow.

They are the best type of ladies you will ever wished for but when they start their madness you will just start wondering.

THEY CAN BE TERRIBLY UNREASONABLE So OP abeg,in this case the biggest lesson is that any aggrieved party must communicate sternly.

Trust me,if Anita has called Pastor chris on a very serious soul to soul dscussion,there will not be any need for this drama she is putting up. They have a way of giving you no real clue they are hurting until they decide to swim away just to stall their life somewhere. This is the unbias truth.

Haaa! Just discovered that Anita is a piscean lady.

She is not materialistic and very very sacrificing.

She will do her best to salvage her family and she tends to be taken for granted but her problem is that she lacks good communication and usually go with the flow until she feels she cant take it no more then her unrealistic and unreasonable side takes over.

She rarely cheats on her man and a good option for a lasting union. If she feels she is not treated fairly,she takes a walk.

Trust me,she is a gentle lady that hates dcuffles but if she feels a strong love for her hubby and her hubby truly shows her he still wants her,she will find it hard to leave because piscean ladies love to feel wanted and needed.

Trust me,she gives no damn about all the wealth,she is an emotional person and she does not like been taken for granted.

I understand her perfectly because i was also married to a piscean lady..

These are ladies born between February 20 and March 20,

You can be together and grow old together if both of you are willing to work it out.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they call at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens) and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment just to start that same circle all again and later realize the former partner was way better than the present one and then some people opt out once more to start that same circle all over with another new person and at this point the world starts looking at you as a clueless no good person who can never be happy with anyone.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

Did you read that last paragraph?please get this once more;

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

Loving someone is not by accident,its not a feeling,its a conscious decision by the people involved to be together and weather the storms together and not looking for an easy way out. The storms of lack,incompatibility childlessness, family scuffle,infidelity,bitterness,and many more.

Until both of you are willing to make it work,only then will GOD come in to make it happen. Because two people can never work together except they agree.

Hope this helps.

https://www.facebook.com/kadiri.o.olatokunbo/posts/765811303455982:6

But i can bet that the reason many ladies are still single is n=because they are looking for the likes of dbang,flavor or any made guy out there.

And this is why many dudes are also still single because most of them are still hustling so can't meet up with the demands of most ladies yet they will hide under the excuse "I have not found the right guy" Doro trash

I am extremely picky because i hate unfaithfulness and philandering yet too careful to approach just any lady

The few ones i like are either married or too young as they claim.

And i honestly need a sweet lady.GOD help me

emmykk: Is very good for a woman to marry a man old than him by 10 years because of the following reason.

1.you as the woman will always look young in the eyes of your man and he will naturally love or likes you because of that age difference.because[b] if he is a flirt he the kind of women he will be flirt with wil be ur age and he got you already.[/b]

2.when ladies give birth,they grow old,but ur age difference of 10 can still make you look young and attractive to him.

3.at that age different he tolerate what younger men will not.just like big brother.

Oh my GOD.You just nailed it.

So spot on.

I am about 40 now but i met my ex when she was 19 and i was 27 and just as you wrote,i never saw her like a wife par se but one spoilt mummy's girl because of the age gap and even up till this moment, despite her "madness" at 32 i still kinda feel she is only been childish but i guess i will never take same shit from a 38 or 36year old lady.

And concerning the bold part,i guess this is why i never cheated on her for all the time we were together because i always saw her as a baby that is not even up to te age of ladies i would cheat with if i ever want to so why the stress when i have someone younger and fresher?
You are so right.

If i have a teenage daughter,i would advice her to go for a man after her heart but will also make her understand that it makes sense to date a guy that is at least 7 years older than her due to the prevailing situation of the economy.

An average guy leaves college around 22years and then goes for service and starts job hunting.

If he is fortunate he may get a job immediately but we all know how difficult it is for the majority and many look for jobs for a couple of years making it hard for guys to really get ready for marriage fast so if at 20 she starts an affair with a guy of 22yrs and by the time the guy is still 30,he is still probably struggling and the lady will be 28 and of curse no more time.

At the end,the guy ,may likely dump her for a younger chic.

So i think it is far better if you allow age gap of not less than 7years if you area young lady just coming up.

If you are advanced as a lady than age does not count here. Whether you find a guy older than you or younger,love is all that counts.

willy42: Can someone tell me why the hell this is on front page??

If its left for Seun i am sure many topics will never make front page but as far as i am concerned,most of the mods are into favoritism and that is so unfortunate but then front page things can always be ignored if you don't like what you see,just move on to the next topic.

Liability: warning: this is a true life story about me. It is also a bit long. Bear with me and read it till the end.


4 years ago was like a dream. But that dream was shattered by me as a result of my actions. To some extent i blamed mySelf so much i could still cry and shed hot tears. But on the other hand i was quite honest to him.

Still basking in the excitement and euphoria of my 18th birthday, i was still love drunk with my first ''official'' boyfriend. The one i could freely hug and kiss and dream about all day and all nite. It was pure ecstasy.

But a young man came my way, i proved beyond reasonable doubt that he was truely in love with me. We live in two different cities, but this angel in the skin of a man was ready to risk everything for me. He called me almost everyday, sent me recharge card without my asking him, somethings he gave me pocket money for my upkeep.

I saw the sincerity in his eyes but i was feeling guilty inside of me. ''I must let him know what is at stake here''.

The d-day finally came, we were strolling he made mention of his love for me. After he had had his chance, i told him that i had someone i love even though am beginning to like him.

He persistent and saw everything as a challenge. I did all i could to avoid him. A day came, when he saw me with the man i loved. He couldnt stand it any longer. He stopped calling me, no text messages from him. My birthday came, he didnt message me at all. I was too scared to call him. I knew he was heartbroken but i never expected him to leave me this way.

Till date, i have not seen him. I wish to see him once again to apologise to him. He no longer use the number he gave me.

I wish...........hmmmmmmm......sigh heavily.


Kenneth wherever you are please forgivel




Activate: Sine

All i can say is that you have a slutty tendency and you must watch it.

You did the right thing by telling him you love someone else but what i don't understand is the guilt you are feeling.


Move on with your life young lady and i hope this guy you are dieing for does not end up using you because most ladies have not realized that loving a man that does not love you is the greatest emotional prison you can ever find yourself.

All the best.

moneyhungry: when you're sick, you consult the doctor.
at nights you lock your gates for protection and call the cops when crime happens.
when you're hungry, you buy food.
when you need money, you work for it.
so....
what has your 'saviour' saved you from?.

Wait till you leave this world without accepting him as your Savior then you will find out yourself.

GooseBaba: Guy you funny ooh... Jesus Christ that could not save himself from public humiliation and three nails 2000 yrs ago, that is the person you expect to do rescue mission in 2014.....

Abeg go learn parallel parking...

I dont hate you but pity you.

Go on your kneels this moment and ask for forgiveness or face the repercussion in a way u never wish to imagine.

That was wat he came to do. To die so there was no need for him to revolt or save himelf.

Sometimes i dont blame muslim estreemists.

Can you dare write this trash about muhamed and not find your head dangling on a stick?
please watch it,thats my saviour you are referring to.