₦airaland Forum

slimmy05:
When you come to Nigeria, you'll get to see a 1001 proofs.

You think we don't know what's obtainable in our system? We got married in Nigeria traditionally, you travelled with my son and get married to another man and also initiating the adoption of my son.

I will wish you well with just an advice. Please, never return to Nigeria. Except, I am not an African. You will walk round Nigeria naked. When am through with her and the husband. They will return my son.

Afterwards will go to the family and collect my bride price back with force.

Oh now i understand why you argue the way you do but just rest assured that if you circumvent the law,you must face the music so why not just guide against this archaic approach and get things done right.

slimmy05:
and where have you seen traditionally married couples forced to stay in marriage or not given the privilege to quit when he/she is not interested in the union any longer?

Is this about feminism? Are you saying the legal marriage favours the women more so every woman should advocate for it? For me you're making no point but a rant.

Stop exposing your crass ignorance. If a woman married traditionally is no longer interested in the marriage she is free to quit. Anytime she finds a new man, after her bride price is paid, then her can refund the other man. This also is applicable to the man. Its a simple case.

I am an African I chose which foreign culture I feel is suitable for me and discard the rest of the chaff.

I still wonder why its pretty difficult for you to write with proper sense of decorum and not a beer parlor like communication.Trust me you wont find it funny if i chose to stoop low to respond to you in a low life manner.

When you make opinions known on a social public media please learn to do so in a civilized and educated manner and you will gain more respect.
Btw i honestly don't even understand the precept of your communication because its not well articulated.

Conclusively my point still remains that its not up to you to decide what you want except you don't understand the relevance of a woman in a man's life. Both of you ought to discuss and if she decided never to have her marriage registered fine and please stop talking about culture when it cmes to registering a marital union.

IN the past the santity of marital union was so strong and respected but these days when marriage has become an unserious affair occasioned by series of arbitrary divorce, i think it is advisable that couple registers there union.

majekdom2:
how many maltreated wives have taken their husbands to court ..... is it not better to allow a partner go his or her way than to force him or her to stay because the laws says it has to be dissoluted. such may even kill one just to move on. there are some things that really dont fit into the Nigeria system no matter how we try.

Exactly why the Lagos state government struck out bigamy as a crime simply because no one has come out to prosecute anyone and this is why we will always remain trampled upon by people and the government.

Its not about forcing anyone to stay with you but is about doing the right thing. If i don't want to marry you anymore it is expedient that i divorce you not just willfully but by documenting that fact. I dont think that is difficult or forcing anyone to stay with you but infact its a ay to even make you leaving more reasonable.

slimmy05:
I don't need any modafucka to document my marriage or come interfere with it. Marriage is a private affair.

I can sense your dogma approach so its baseless trying to make you see vivid facts

slimmy05:
This your boring nollywood story. Its not my culture so I ain't interested in it. Get that into your thick skull

Sometimes but for proper decorum i ought to be calling some people some names by virtue of how they reason. I am a matured man and when i write stuffs on nairaland i desist from using some aggravated words but i will always try to maintain that status quo irrespective of the fact that most people who use these words are still very immature and it will be a disdain to respond in like manner.

This is a public forum and it takes an intellectually dull and low life character to discuss issues based on individual's opinion and using funny and derogatory phrases

Nevertheless, registering your marriage has nothing to do with culture Mr thick skull.

mayorkyzo:
Stop deceiving yourselves..our parents did only traditional weddings..the white wedding is the white man's traditional wedding..for being a christian..you can meet a pastor to bless your union...and stop criticising our nigerian men

You guys will never cease to amaze me and by the way, what is all this confusion about white wedding and registered wedding?

Registering your union is totally different from the money wasting non biblical and non cultural white wedding and if you must know, document signing is biblical, its called ketubah

The main purpose of the ketubah is to prevent a husband divorcing his wife against her will, which, in talmudic times, he had the right to do. The knowledge that he had to pay his wife her ketubah would serve as a check against hasty divorce.

Here is an image of how a ketubah looks like

Mondisweets:
If you marry a girl now according to customary law, then she travels, lets say to the US for work. She finds another guy there but doesn't disclose to him that she had a traditional ceremony back home.
She falls for this guy and they have a court wedding. You do know so long your marriage is not registered you wont be able to prove it?
Her husband decides to adopt the child you guys had before she left, you know you might not be able to win that custody battle if the guy is more resourceful than you are right?

1. You will not have solid proof that your marriage exists.
2. You will not be able to prove that the child was not born outside wedlock
3. The child would be better off in a stable home with 2 parents who live together rather than living with one, who claims he is in a marriage he cant prove exists legally

GBAM!

Many guys always think legal wedding is always about the lady's marital right protection.I pity such mentality

slimmy05:
Not interested in this ranting. Court or church marriage is not my culture and I ain't interested. Who the hell are you to tell me what I want

No be fight o,relax.I dont ever expect many Nigerian guys to support legal wedding especially the ones with randy and deceitful tendencies.


And in-case you think its all about a woman sharing your wealth think again. A woman who commits adultery and is legally divorced does not get a dime but if as i wrote before, you just decide to maltreat her for a new caro or she files for divorce based on some good reasons then you will face the music.

Nevertheless, its not for you to opt for but the lady and if because of frustration and desperation for a lady to get married she waves it then she is doing that at her own risk.

END OF STORY

warrior01:
My guy, the real marital insurance is for everyone especially our ladies to start making their own money and stop wishing their husbands dead because of material acquisitions. Imagine, a lady already getting ready for her husband's death when the marriage has not even been conducted. Tufiakwa!

You missed it again.

Legalizing your marriage is not about marital tussle but to guard against maltreatment by the spouse or arbitrary termination of marital union.

warrior01:
Pls, pls and pls, stop misinforming the public. Who told you with traditional marriage, you can just wake up and sack your partner. So, you don't know traditional marriages are registered at the local govts? The problem whether with these marriages is that majority of Nigerians are ignorant of their rights. Do you know even even cohabiting with a partner within a certain period of time automatically makes the law recognize you guys as husband and wife. You should try and read up the common law. To legally dissolve such a union, the court must affirm that the marriage has become irreconcilable. Give majority of our people 1000 marriage certificates today, most of them would still be ignorant of their rights.

The way some people write makes me wonder at their intellectual prowess.

Which one be misinformation when you just concurred with my stand with the bold phrase in your quote.

filiks:
First of all, I'm sorry about your situation.

But it's no 'super story', my friend. Every story cannot be the same.

And yea, people do change, change is constant so everyone should expect it. But it is also very possible to manage that change and if possible flow with it. And if you truly think you can't work it out, then...

But I've also observed that most times, people overlook certain behaviors their spouse exhibit before marriage hoping they'll magically disappear after walking down the aisle. I'm not saying it was the same in your case though.

In my opinion,all these are sermon on the mount.

My point remains that getting a marital insurance wont hurt.

You never can tell bro,some guys are wicked while some ladies can be clueless irrespective of what you think they can do,always expect any unpleasant surprises,human will forever be human.

As for my situation,no nothing to be sorry for because to me,she is still fooling herself Until she files for divorce or wait for three years which ofcourse does not deter me from moving on since she was the one who left on her own.

These are the check and balances a legal wedding puts in place and this is why its a necessity.

slimmy05:
Falacy

You may call it anything but the fact remains that legal wedding puts the couple in check.

If you like spend 1Billion pounds on a tradional weddng or legal wedding it does not changethe fact that both of you can still dissolve the union but the only difference is this.

1. In trad wedding,a man can decide to drive you out because the food was too salty while dem no born you well in lwgal wedding.

2. In trad wedding you can sack that lady or man one time because you woke up one day to realize you dont like that face again and probably in lust with another but in legal wedding you must show the world why you have suddenly gone bunkers.

3. In trad wedding,a man can boot you out if he feels he is so rich and wants a new lady in the house despite the fact that you struggled together to make tgat wealth but in legal wedding dem no born im papa well except he wants to spend 7 good years behind bars with that new caro.

The bottom line is that if you must dissolve a legally contracted wedding,it must be hinged on sound grounds like marital infidelity,irreconcilable dfferences,desertion of matrumony for three years and some other good reasons and not the crazy baseless reasons you can hold on to in trad wedding where the bride price is refunded and thats just all as if the lady was a purchased item.

The only sad thing is that many ladies or guys are still ignorant of the power these documents have and many are still treated like shits despirte the legal wedding they had due to family complascense.

They will tell you. Haa,leave him for GOD, haa,font botther taking him to court,just pray for the spouse that will be yours permanently,we dont know what GOD is using this to do,maybe it was never meant to be bla bla bla and the woman or guy juat bone.

filiks:
Yea, I followed through. I was getting married to my friend and so whether it was court, trad, church or all the above, it really didn't matter to me. We are a few years into it already and loving every bit of it. Blessed with a beautiful daughter and another underway.

Thanks a billi for the good wishes. I pray same and more for you.

Abeg leave this super story of been married to a friend jare. People do change overnight.

I got married to my best friend too and now we are seperated and but for the legal wedding it would hav been an easy break without any possibly penalty.

slimmy05:
White wedding or court marriage is not my culture. I am not interested in that kind of eye service union.

Ofcourse i dont expect most guys to consent to legal marrriage because it keeps them in check.

Show me a man that does legal wedding with you and i will show you a man that truly wants you.

Cyberknight:
Not true at all. For a marriage to be considered valid, it must be registered, i.e. even if you got married according to Ifa rites or whatever, all you have to do is to appear before a registry and confirm that marraige by means of an affidavit. You do NOT have to go through any other ceremony at all.

Then what is not true at all. You just agreed.

Sixix:
What a pity!

However would you like me to start counting women who were wedded legally and still got dumped and maltreated.

Court marriage is for 'those' women and NOT WOMEN

Im sorry but in my opinion,your post is not coherent.

I dpnt know what people mean by white wedding though but im my oponion,traditional wedding is vital according to cilture and bride price os a must if you truly want to have that full "franchise" as to been truly wedded tradionally. I dont see any need for white wedding at all as i see it as a waste of rrsources.

However,legal wedding is strpngly advised that is document signing which at least ensures that you are firmly rooted in your matrimony.

This does not mean the man or woman can not still leave the union but it will not just be an easy exit but must be hinged on a cogent factor.


So saying you know some ladies who are lgally married and still treated like shit is funny and i guess these ladies in question allowed it.

So i still maintain that legal wedding is vital for a lady who really want to be rooted in her matrimony else your case na sorry.

Legal wedding is no guarantee of happy union but the good thing is that you just cant wake up one day to say you are done but must prove why you are done unlike the traditional wedding that you can just wake up and drive the lady out with no justifiable reason and the lady is just as helpless as anything helpless and despite all the money spent on trad wedding and no matter the bride price,its inconsequential.

For instance my case is an interesting one, i had an elaborate introduction with my ex but we both agreed to wait till her mum returns from USA but we went ahead to do legal wedding.

After five years of marriage my ex claims she is disconnected for reasons best known to her asides adultery or assault of any kind so she left.

She even said i have not married her as i have not paid her bride price and i got confused at that point that indeed some women can be impossible and i was wondering if i was actually really married to her because her mum has not really arrived so we just kept waiting until the separation came up


The bottom line is that despite her calling the legal wedding we had mere document signing,i made her realize that for her own good, she must unsign that mare document else she may face the wrath of the law if she eventually marries someone else without divorce.

So i quite agree that legal wedding is very strong and very vital to put sanity into randy partners brain because the truth is that even if i paid a million pounds as bride price on her,she would still have left as she did and infact marry someone else very fast without any form of penalty and all they will do is return my bride price.

Ladies please dont fool yourself with this bride price thing. Try to do legal wedding because that is more powerful than any other

MY CANDID ADVICE

koyyes:
The law concerning adultery applies both to male and female. Right from the begining, if men were wired to be polygamous, Adam would have had two or more women created for his selfish desire. Just because men like solomon,david among others had more than one wife does not mean it was permitted. Infact, God chose to ignore certain believes that became a normߧá among the isrealites untill Jesus Christ came and stressed on the need for who ever listens to him to keep the marriage bed undefiled. Read mattew 5 vs28-29. If Jesus was not refering to a married man,he wouldn't utter the word adultery. If a woman choses to stay with an unrepentant adulterous man,that is the choice she made. But if she choses to leave,it is not up to you to decide if she made the right choice or not. Remember what the bible says about each one carrying his own load? That is to buttress the fact that the loyalty and faithfulness of a wife can not save an unrepentant adulterous husband (1 corinthians 6vs 9-11) No scripture permits 'christian' males to commit adultery. To support such ideology would be to categorize yourself under the kind of people mattew 15 vs8-9 talks about.

You got it all wrong.

I only approached the issue pragmaticaly.

Will leaving a man because of adultery guaraty that the next man wont do same? Furthermore we all know that a man can marry more than one woman. Young ladies wont buy my view but matured ladies will umderstand

koyyes:
You are wrong and no true christian should believe your epistle.

Be specific please,which side should they disbelieve? and please make your assertions right by intelligently stating why you think otherwise rather than approaching it dogmatically.

Mynd44:
We need a slap smiley. Or maybe send it via PM

Why? I no dey right?

Mondisweets:
so a woman should tolerate a man cheating so long he doesn't beat up her

A BOLD YES as long as he does it far far away without doing it to her face

95 out of a 100 guys will cheat on their wives even if they have the sexiest women in the world as wives

Beating up a lady is a different ball game. It is barbaric,idiotic,foolish,beastly and even totally cray and i will never advice any lady to tolerate that shit.

Once could be a mistake but the second time shows its a habit and such lady should run before its too late for her but sharp tongue ladies should also mellow down but no matter how sharp tongued a lady can be,no man ought to beat up a lady for any reason.

lastpage:
You mean a man does not have the right to divorce his wife who "repeatedly, physically assault him"?
Okay, until dem beat the man to coma... and im come pass-on, na dat time you go know say, sexu@l violence is not exclusive to men alone and "Man" sef get blood for body!

Advice: Dont marry a woman who is physically stronger than you (Me, l cannot separate fight where the man is crying and calling for help: People please come Ooooo, she wan kill me Oooo!!

Lastpage!

LMAO! You are cracking me up. Are you saying some women beat their husbands? Na wa o

lynpetra:
i believe i am, getting married because i love,cherish and wish to spend my natural life with a well deserved companion..Kids are added advantage.I can not and will not,in all my existence in this life and in the after divorce my husband on that groun.Impotency is not and will not be the basis to measure my marriage.It won't even bring chaos.It sure can bring one thing and that's redemption.I will prove to him that he has got me,we must find a way to have children of our own,if he choose to be open minded.Impotency to me is Nothing.Not even my parents,friends will ever know nada!Not even the gods!!

WOW! I am impressed

Hope this is not lip talk sha.

benarex:
My people, God is not in support of divorce for any reason whatsoever. Taking a look at the stories of Abraham and Sarah, and how Samuel was born you'll understand that the union called marriage must be endured. Patience is the keyword.

The only reason i support a man divorcing his wife is sexusl infidelity and for the woman,repeated physical assault. any other reason can be worked out and infact tolerated.

immortalcrown:
My answer to your question is capital YES because the holy bible especially the New Testament which is the main constitution that governs christians did not mention 'impotency' as a reason for divorce.

Let me shock everyone with this

The only reason that is justifiable for divorce is sexual infidelity and frank enough this has to do with the woman infidelity and not the man.
Lets read once again this passage and while we all know that when he is used in the bible, it is probably making reference to bothe sexes but in this particular passage regarding marriage,it is specific:

Matthew 5:32: But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife,except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.


Any woman who divorces her husband due to sexual infidelity is making the greatest mistake of their lives because a man is polygamous by nature and even great men in the bible married more than one woman, talking about Abraham,David,Solomon and even many more.

Furthermore, we know you cant remain single forever and what is the guarantee that the new man you will be with will not even do worse?

My advice for randy husband is this;Be reasonable if you must commit your sin that will definitely land you in hell but while you don't mind rotting in hell,please respect yourself,your marriage and that woman in your life and do your sexcapades as far as you can without ridiculing your wife by doing it to her face.

For a woman faced with a randy hubby, please pray for him and warn him to use a protection,and probably focus on your life and that of your children. As long as he does that madness far far from you, just forget about that and live your life happily because if you leave him, trust me, another lady will come in and he will forget you in a flash so why give that hopeless loosed husband snatcher the luxury to take over your home.

Consider any other lady that wants your man as foolish,hopeless and a terrible sorry case looking for affection with desperation and this taught alone will make you feel good and happy.

As per the impotence thing, there must always be a way out except its spiritual which also has a way out so rather than seek for divorce,seek for solution.

Yungwizzzy:
In hall?

and you are with your phone nairalanding?

which kind marriage be that?

She is addicted to nairaland

BANGERLEE1:
Wow guess u have problem reading u just picked up the headlines and u gv ur comment- at my last paragraph I pinpointed a warning (caution) there---- My topic is not about how to be a man women can't resist its about type of Men which women can't resist- see my fellow try and understand the topic before commenting( referring to what u wrote sef u are being out of point- a girl is going to see a quality in u before going out with u bro- she can't just jump nd saY Mehn I love u- u need to have a particular quality she's in love with-

Seconded

And an advice for Nigerians. Please imbibe the culrure of reading and before you make a post in response ro anything,read and comprehend so that your response will be a seasoned one and not off point.

I think there should be a number 8. The maga guy that can spend all the money he has on a chic.

Though every man must be a maga for one woman but fooish maga no good

penny01502:
after reading it, I have to check back if OP is a female
I wonder how he knows exactly what the ladies want and what they like.

if he really think he knows it all then he suppose to know that CARING is very important to a Nigerian lady

Read number 1 and 7 again

MuhdG:
I kinda like those type of gurls. Coz I wud take it as a challenge to loosen her up. I love challenges.


I once drove from end to end in our state within 20mins.....just to prove a point

As for me,i am so confident that i tell a lady straight up that no man can snatch my woman and thats a fact. If i want you dont bother struggling because i will have you.

I am a natural charmer and i sure know how to make a lady important .Infact i am number 1 to 6. Its just my nature as a Gemini

Buy boring ladies are total turn offs for me but if you are intelligent and ontellectual,you have got me.

Begonia:
No, I don't agree.
I can definitely resist all these guys except maybe number 6

That means you agree.

Sagamite:
I am not blaming your point.

I just pity the men that fall for it or accept it.

If a woman is not crazy about me, she has no chance getting a biscuit, talkless of marriage.

Its all twisted my guy. My point is that a lady should give a man the chance if he is strongly on to her. You are a man so u may not understand.

Obviously no man is expected to force it but if you truly love n desire that chic then she will desire u strngly. This is simple enough.

What i am saying is that ladies should love a man who truly wants them,is this hard to comprehend? Habba