₦airaland Forum

femzy:
topup; you too dey topup your posts, make them shorter

[color=#CC0066]Ha ha, I know, [/color]

[color=#CC0066]Here's a story:

- A guy I used to know.

He asked me why I wasn't interested in him, and I told him I wasn't interested in all the things he was interested in. He continued to tell me 'I'm not that bad' telling me that "I only started smoking a year ago, I asked him why, and he couldn't give me an answer" - I noted that, no answer (no depression, no previous addictions?) Hmmm, strange. Then I told him I wasn't as heavy a drinker like him (he had to have a drink every day) and he told me that he only drinks when he's with his friends, during their hanging out times (I noted that, both the fact that he had to drink everyday and did it because it was a social thing).
Then good ol' facebook comes in, and all his friends are there with pictures depicting girls kissing each other, drinking, underskirt pictures, wall posts saying 'are you ready to score tonight?' , now I now that all the 'I'm not like my friends lines' couldn't work, because it wasn't as if they were just distant friends, he would be in all these pictures, at the side, in the corner, smiling, though they'd be in the centre doing the 'bizznezz' he was still part of it, if you know what I mean.

Have you ever been judged because you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong crowd. I learnt this lesson as a young girl. Even my mum told me a story, of how some kids were calling a woman down the street 'aje' - witch, and the word went round to her mother about the group of children calling the woman 'aje' which included her. Though she denied and denied that she uttered the word, her mother still beat her (smacked her) because she has to have some responsibility, just saying 'I'm the good one' doesn't cut it, everybody in the gang will get treated the same.

Be careful people, we're not in highschool anymore, but all I'm saying is, if you want to be a great person, hang out with great people, because you will rarely lift people, you tend to sink to their level so why not rise with the good bunch??

Peace [/color]

[color=#CC0066]If you met your boyfriend's friends and they were all players, as in the attitude, you've heard about some of their conquests before, and they were looking at you like you were a piece of meat.

Would you:

1. Leave your boyfriend, because there is a good chance he is too!

2. Stay with your boyfriend, because you believe in all honesty, he can hang around with a bad bunch but avoid being influenced.

Which?

For guys:

If you met your girlfriend's friends and they were a bunch you recognized on campus to have a reputation for sleeping around, wild orgy parties and basically dumping their boyfriends and spreading gossip about how bad the guys were (in bed).

Would you:

1. Leave your girlfriend, because you just realised that it was too good to be true, that she is no longer sleeping around and has changed for the better like she told you.

2. Stay with your girlfriend because, she's just so unique, that you trust she means it when she says, she only hangs around them because they have known each other for such a long time, and that they don't influence her at all, and it won't affect your relationship.

Which?


You see my point is, often people stay away from groups of people, but of course there must be an honest chance that someone is 'in the wrong group' if you put it. My opinion is that if the person is weak enough that peer pressure is too much and cannot leave the 'friends' then he/she is also too weak to be immune to their advice. I have noticed just sitting in a room of catty girls bitchin' about other girls, affects me, even though I think I can handle it, the words enter my head, and soon, when I see the girls, I also start having the same opinion about them.

It's hard, but you just gotta distance yourself from these people. None of that 'hanging out' thing, just keep it to showing up at parties to celebrate with them or if you're in the same class, revising together, because without knowing it, just hanging around these people will slowly shapen you into one of them.

I've been there, done that. That's why I truly believe, that if you want to know about a guy, check out his friends, they'll be honest because they're not dating you, and most likely your guy will have similar beliefs.

What do my fellow nairalanders think?[/color]

Precisely, I think it means you're not an embarrasment, or if the guy already told his friends that you are an easy/dumb chick, then it just means that you are the jester for the group.

[color=#CC0066]I believe I replied to this topic already, twice infact [/color]

[color=#5577EE]It depends on the guy and the circumstance right? I mean I laugh because my ex introduced me to his friends and they were all players, I felt like a piece of meat. But I knew if he had introduced me to his sister that would have meant something. Man, the boy went on and on about his sister, I swear he would have married her if he had the chance. He worshipped that girl. So I think in that case, it would have at least meant he was if not fully, at least half serious in our relationship

Like I said every case is different.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]pele , two words,

only time [/color]

[color=#CC0066]To all the Ex players turn serious guys --> So you're now settled/married/engaged/with someone you love/care about/can tolerate ,

What took you so long?

It has come to my opinion that the typical reasons is:

"I'm too young to settle down" so breaking up with the guy/girl you're with because he/she's getting too serious, but now you look back and you realise that you're looking for that type of person or even the same person again or you're with/married to that type of guy/girl.

Share you thoughts and feelings on why you never wanted to start something 'real' or a 'long tin' ?

Any regrets/shameful/humbling stories to share?

Share your stories about the 'best times'.

Did you ever think you would give the game up? - Honestly?

Were you heavily influenced by your also player friends?

Did your family/siblings know about your lifestyle?

Do you have any remorse for the people you've played (you can apologise here on Nairaland if you wish).

How/what made you/why did you change your ways?

No hard feelings, we're all humans [/color]

dimitri:
REALLY, I HAVE ALWAYS MADE EXCUSES FOR HER WHY SHE BEHAVES DE WAY DOES, SHE TOLD ME THAT PRIOR TO HER SAYING YES TO ME, SHE NEVER BELIEVED IN RELATIONSHIPS, SHE BELIEVED SHE WOULD MARRY HER FRIEND ONE DAY, I WAS HOPEFUL THAT WOULD CHANGE BUT AM NOT GETTIN WAT I EXPECT FROM SOMEONE WHO I HOPE I WOULD SETTLE DOWN WITH , IN TRUTH I LUV HER BUT I DONT THINK I CAN ENDURE ANYMORE.

Now this just sounds like she's joking with you. She doesn't appreciate you, how can she tell you the man she's supposed to be happy with that she believed she would marry her friend one day, those things you don't say to the person you love. I think she is taking you for granted, majorly. You two need 'the talk' open up, tell her ALL of your frustrations, lay your emotions down and then really assess whether it's her you don't want to lose or the four years.

But isn't it the actions that matter most? Does she act like she loves you? Sometimes after saying you love someone you feel vulnerable, but it seems to me she should have no reason to feel vulnerable, in fact it seems to me that you love her, and are frustrated since you feel that maybe these 4 years meant nothing to her.

I think you should tell her this in a matured way, express that because she has never said it to you, sometimes you wonder if she does, and if she does and cares about your feelings, she would probably explain and tag it with an 'I love you', obviously if the explanation is 'Oh, hunny I didn't know how that felt' but if it happens to be something deeper than that, then at least you'd understand why she hasn't said it, and it may not bother you as much.

[color=#CC0066]The way Nigerian most mothers treat their sons 'princes' sometimes confuses me too,

I can't answer for definite because every mother is different and so maybe they'd sit and watch as it happened, as some are able to detach and actually only focus on the happiness of their sons at whatever cost, even at a broken/devastated heart of a lady.[/color]

udoka Ekwe:
Hi sis, the best solution to this problem is holding unto God. You should know that going out to marry a second person is sin, so just trust and believe in God that one day your husband will come back to you and apologize for cheating on you.

Don't forget to "err is human but to forgive is divine", so ask God to give you the heart to forgive your husband when he comes back because if you really commit it in the hand of God he will definitely come back but it can only take time.

Cheer up and take heart the storm will soon be over.

I'm not sure if in this day and age this would be the best option for her. I'm nto saying she should be signing the divorce papers as we speak, but I just mean, come on now. What if the man marries another woman, and he has committed adultery, he has disrespected the marriage on numerous accounts. I seriously think the running away part isn't some little stunt, the man has no respect for his wife. I don't think he sees her as his wife, should she remain attached to a husband who she will only have by name, he will nto play the part, be there or even partake in anything in her life. Who knows he may come back, but the way he has been screwing her around, does it seem like she should be the one to cling onto the marriage

I am going to beg you to try and wait, wait wait wait until you make any decision. Time is the best thing you can ask for and in your scenario I would want a whole week to think through, it's tough but it's so complicated that you really need to sit and think, it'll be painful, but to jump on some decision due to emotions may bring regrets later.

Your husband shouldn't have done this, he is in the wrong. That's what you need to know. There is no excuse for leaving your wife and having and affair with not only one but two women and impregnating them too.

You seem pretty rational at the moment, try and stay calm (easier said than done), think about it, so far you've got the ball in your court, man has he messed up!!!

If I was him, I'd be scared of the what next, the man can't be in hiding forever, I mean did he pack his things or give any notice?

Anyways, all the best of luck.
Try and work on keeping yourself calm rather than worrying about him, or his whereabouts, though he has behaved like a baby, he is a grown adult, he can take care of himself.

WOW! I am trying my best not to resort to name calling, but seriously ur husband oooooo! Has topped the list!

Hehehe, I'm all loosened up now

Inviting strangers into your house is definitely NOT the way to go. If anything happened I'm sure you'd opt for lonliness anytime.

Everybody should learn to entertain themselves, lonliness has caused me to do many things that I wish I didn't, hehe good times!

What is (was) your (the),
Gender: Female
Favorite food(s): Pasta/Pizza
Favorite color(s): Green
Future child's names: Damian, Dara
Favorite number: 4
Biggest fear: Not finding my 'soul mate' - being stuck with some loser husband
Favorite quote: 'everything happens for a reason'
Obsession(S): 'talking about relationships and sex'
Addiction(s): Nairaland, facebook
Biggest turn off: Liar
Biggest turn on: Cool headed
First thing you notice in the opposite sex: Sound of voice
Last book you read: Half of a rising sun

Preferences,

Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Hot or cold: Hot
Coke or Pepsi: Coke
Truth or Dare: Dare
Rightie or Leftie: Rightie
20/20 vision or glasses: 20/20
Big or small: Big


Do you,

Speak another language: Learning japanese
Own your room or share with sibling: Own
Have a sibling(s): 2
Think that God should be male or female: Not our decision
Think that God should be white or black: Not our decision
Like your handwriting: At times
Type fast or slow: Speed of light
Think you're beautiful/cute: Cute & my personality makes me beautiful
Sleep with a stuffed animal("teddy bears" and the likes in case you don't know): Not for the past 4 months

Misc,
What is/are the thing(s) you miss the most: Having a boyfriend, someone who had to listen to you no matter what! LOL, Being close with my sister, clubbing
Piercings: 2 in each ear, but have been considering naval for almost 2 years now
How tall are you: 1m55
How tall do you wish you were: 5ft 5 (lol!) 5,5 brown eyes!
What would you change about yourself: Height
What wouldn't you change: Personality

THE END. Whew, that was long!