₦airaland Forum

I learnt that I should know the background info on my guy and not just what he tells me. Only until after the breakup did all my guy friends tell me, my guy was a player and is not serious, during the relationship they felt like it was none of their business,

I also learnt, that I'm stronger than I thought, shocking him and myself when I didn't tolerate the excuse of not being able to commit.

I also learnt that a drunken confession of 'I love you' might have just been one Hot man's way of getting you to 'ease up a bit'.

Now why would you blame the girl? When you precisely said he was forcefully trying to have sex with her.

If I found my husband doing that, I would confront him, I wouldn't pretend I didn't know, I'd give him a full day to get his excuses together, hear whatever desperate line he uses and then probably go and stay with my mother/sister for sometime whilst I calm myself down.

I don't know what I'd do next to be honest.

Maybe they close their eyes because the apartment is that crummy.

Only if the person lets their past affect their future. There are so many trials in life if we let them get in the way will control us.

That's wonderful!

If it's been one year now and he hasn't at all maintained any contact or shown any form of remorse, I would even wipe the guy from my friendslist.

Forgive him though, then move on, forget about him.

Lol! Fantastic but it doesn't look too intimate

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!??!?!"

"I SAID IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO INTIMATE!!"

That's good that your prayers are being answered.

Well, my mum and dad argued a lot, it got physical at times and when I was a child I witnessed it, growing up my mum told me stories about my dad (maybe it's not good to involve the children) and for a long time I had resentment towards my father. Then my dad later told me his side also, and I just wished they'd leave us out of it, these days they don't play us against each other, but when we were younger, we were almost like an object they were fighting to own, my dad would call us and ask us to tell him things our mother said about him, he would always find some excuse, whilst my mother would tell us more and more about how my dad treated her badly and her family too.

I've had enough and it's so annoying trying to be peacemaker, they have done so much damage to themselves and if they both weren't so stubbor nthey'd be fine. My father needs a submissive - non independent woman and my mother needs a doting husband!

For a long time I wished they'd divorce, we were already only living with our mother anyway so I didn't imagine how things could change. They're still together and slowly they're moving past their differences.

I would let my spouse change me, for the better though, I mean why not??

I want to be a better person and I want to please him, of course I'll think of the consequences to this change, like loss of my dignity (note how it is dignity not pride!!), loss of what makes me me, , loss of my morals etc

Maybe you need to be in the right places, places where you will find people who have similar beliefs as you. This means that the things you are not comfortable with doing they also aren't comfortable doing. Don't think that hiding is going to help you find that person. You need to meet more people, and open your eyes, there are suitable matches everywhere. Are you really limiting your criteria, do you reject every guy who doesn't fall into the age category or the religion or other categories, also it depends how much emphasis you pay on physical attraction??

It's all about whether they feel at ease and comfortable around you, once they become to truly trust you, they start lowering their guard and barriers. Also it could have something to do with the fact that they're doing certain things for the first time, or they aren't used to dating yet.

Actually I disagree with Rhino because a particular situation comes to mind.

What if the couple were cohabiting in his flat, sharing bills, and she bought the furniture inside, now that they've broken up, she should leave everything behind? Find a flat of her own, buy new furniture, and start from scratch, when all he has to do is to sit back and relax in his well furnished apartment.

To poster : Though I don't know what situation caused you two to split I would say always fight for love, give it one GOOD fight, then if he rejects it, please try and move on, I don't believe there is exactly ONE person in the world for everybody, there are tons of people you could be truly compatible with or even more than you were with this guy. This obviously is easier said than done, but try,

I actually believe that this is one of the hardest conversations to have, and can't help but feel like I'm saying to the person 'Just in case you got something, I don't want it! - Ew!' because ideally the person who's had the more promiscuous lifestyle should actually opt to get tested if they care about you. Though I understand it may not come to mind, or some people like to live a life of not knowing.

I don't know but maybe I'll just insist we get all round medical tests, not just when we're about to have sexual intercourse but when the relationship is getting truly matrimonially serious because I'd rather not get unbearably attached to the person, so I can think more rationally about my options.

[quote author=$$Rhino link=topic=157566.msg2618312#msg2618312 date=1218032427]Just hard to find good human, period.[/quote]I think it's harder to find a good mate than a good human. There are less things I look for in a good human than a mate.

But what exactly do you count makes someone a 'good' human?

I believe men tend to be more honest, I have heard players admit that they're no good for nobody serious, (of course that's when it's not you they're playing).

Whilst some girls will never ever put themselves down (and why should they?!). We get excuses such as 'I just need somebody to understand me.' etc,

Whilst guys on the other hand actually register they're living a bad lifestyle, and usually are aware the things they're doing are 'socially unacceptable' - they just choose to delay the time when they admit this and change their ways,

Another question, does every woman think that they're a good woman?

Because I would say I am a good woman, because I qualify in the typical 'superficial' qualities that are deemed 'good',

However, I don't know of anybody who would say that 'Ya know, Honestly, I'm a piece of crap. No one should date me or take me seriously.'

Even prostitutes don't think they're 'bad women' - they think they're 'good women' doing the wrong job.

Now here's where the definition of 'good' becomes slightly blurred.

I meant it originally in terms of attributes , physical

However, I have known many girls who men would call s***s who have a great personality and head on their shoulders (though they don't use it) and have found them to be great women (obviously when you ignore the things they do),

So, now thinking along the lines of the things women do, is a truly good woman one who is good because of who they are and not what they do e.g. personality instead of how good they cook, clean, handle themselves or vice versa??

Now I would say once again that I am 'good woman' because don't we all like to believe that our individual personalities are special, most interesting, unique and worthwhile?

Hahaha touche indeed, now THAT I agree with, lucky for you you didn't use full sentences for that little bit of your original post (3 pages back), this gives more room for you to interpret the whole text, or whether you want to decipher it in bits. I still think though sometimes the meaning is so clear any other is highly unlikely, I would bet that despite what you meant, the sentence read as I explained, but I'd admit to a 1% chance it could mean what you wanted it to mean, though I still think your interpretation is far fetched and you'd be better off rephrasing the whole thing altogether than claiming an alternative meaning.

Off to snooze now,

Take care all

Maybe the question should have been,

Do men or women find it harder (go through more relationships) to find the 'right one'?

Oga Sarge:
na lie oh!!!!! which science journal?
such a belly of the type i know is being refered to, stems from laziness, lousinesss, and any other thing that ends with a ness

A lot of women do not have vertically flat bellies, they protrude even just by a centimetre, all I'm saying is washboard abs are not natural, you have to work for them, most people will tell you.

When looking for a serious long term relationship, women often look for a man who will not cheat, who's honest, who is financially stable/has good career prospects and isn't lazy.


Whilst men look for a woman who is not materialistic, a woman who is not a nag, who's attractive/sexy, who's smart and has morals.



(Of course there are more, I'm just giving examples, have anymore, please feel free to post).

Which sex has the harder job in finding these qualities? Men or women?

Is it harder to find a 'good man' or a 'good woman'?

You still never told me what sematics are,

As for the sentence on cruelty, I don't think I have more to say. I believe the evidence is there if anyone needs to refer to it. Let them make a judgement. Let them decide which is the correct interpretation. I accept that you didn't intend it to mean that way, however like I said before that's how it reads and 99.9% of people would read it that way too. I'm running out of energy to pursue this 'til eternity.

At least we can agree that break ups are bad. lol Where's oyinye2 and others?

HCH3COO:
You should smile. I dare you to smile. “Don't cry for a man who's left you, the next one may fall for your smile.”
The underlying reasons for my thoughts are not to be met with spite. Would you like to continue discussing the earlier sentence? I still maintain my stance.

I have never heard/read that before, something new (I think I will keep it.)

You still maintain your stance?!??!! Now don't mind me, but I'm starting to label you as stubborn, go on prove me wrong, give in!!

Which is the earlier sentence, I've lost track, the one about the cake, the breakup or the quotes?

There's only so much you can say on the topic of quotes,

What was life like before quotes?

HCH3COO:
Lol! You do seem like a nice girl; smart too. How is that for an insult? I praised you and criticized you, but you have a hard time with the criticism.

Dare I smile, what a turnaround! I had a hard time with the criticism because I felt I could sense underlying reasons to your points, not that you were adressing the points but addressing me through the points, hope that came out right.

I mean you were trying to assess me through the relationship with my ex and not the relationship with my ex.


Thank you.
I don't have a hard time with praises

davidylan:
Call me whatever suits you.

you can't always know if you have something good but here's my test . . . if the good far outweigh the bad, if you find yourself loving him/her stronger despite their flaws, if you find yourself genuinely concerned about that person's wellbeing, if that person just makes you light up both in their presence and absence then hold it like its your life.

Shadang!! That is exactly it. Not to worry, we are both young, time will never deceive me, apart from the fact that we're not really communicating am willing to wait it out. I don't want to sound like I'm picking on the guy, what I mean by 'he wasn't anything special' or 'I fabricated his qualities' is that he did what every typical boyfriend should do and nothing more, he didn't leave me with that feeling of completeness, I just felt secure having a guy, it was good reason to stay in watch movies, kiss someone, be romantic, care for someone plus more
He does make me light up, but in a way my friends do, they excite me and I become extremely jubliant and vibrant, I was always more concerned about his wellbeing, even after the breakup I was scared he was truly hurt (didn't look it),

Anyways, like I said a million times, only time will tell, I'll have to wait this one out, and hopefully even if it is my first love, I am able to maturely say what happened was for the best and move on. I don't have that belief that there is one person out there for everybody, I believe it depends a lot of time, place, money and the maturity of the two people, someone you think is THE ONE now may not be when you find out you're job requires you to move abroad, or you don't have enough funds to upkeep your LD relationship etc,

Thanks for sharing, now I'm alert. My eyes peeled back, when love hits the scene, I'll raise the alarm!

HCH3COO:
To be honest, you'r right. i just love semantics.

Please can you explain to me what semantics are??

HCH3COO:
don't bring my other posts into the one we are currently battling. we can talk about those later.

u welcome.

You have a habit of giving me orders and telling me what to do.

In fact since I have no problem with explaining myself. The explanation is I was writing in response to how we began this battle and then the idea came to me to use my other account on a non-nairaland forum to ask the general public what their opinions were on the words you wrote.

Keep up,

davidylan:
lol infact i remember the bad times very very well, i remember all the arguments, the one time we broke up and came back again, the stony silence . . . like it all happened yesterday and yet . . .

You'll go through it sometime, just be careful enough not to lose him like i did mine.

Water under the bridge, its good to reminisce sometimes.

But dave (if I may call you dave), how do you know if you're losing something good? How do you really know, because I'm unsure and I believe most of his qualities I either fabricated myself or I over exaggerated. Am I not supposed to feel this way looong after I've broken up with him and not when I'm still going through the emotions? Am I not supposed to be desperate to get back with him and then afterwards (when it doesn't work out) realise he never really was the one? I think only other relationships and time will tell. One thing I fear I might never find again is the connection we had, enough for me to feel safe when I was with him and to open up about the haunts in my past. The connection, I may never have with anybody again, but like I said only time will tell, I'm not even sure if he was my first love anyways


@ HCH3COO , wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all personally interpret our sentences instead of writing what we mean. "No no no, dear principal, you've got it all wrong, I didn't write that you were a b******, I wrote that a man like yourself was a b******" "sir it all depends on how you read it and you i'm afraid read it wrong" - Now what I meant by how it is written is there are certain rules one must follow in english grammar, in order to make things make sense, certain words will have priorities when placed in certain ways. You can ask me, I am currently learning Japanese and the simple placement of a word moved infront and behind a words can conjure two different meanings. Now if you write something, and the laws of grammar and punctuation require you to read it in a certain way, are the few samples chosen from the topic I made not relevant enough. If you wish I can copy your explanation and post it beside your words, so people no longer read it the way it was written but instead 'the way you intended it to be received'. Never will you admit that you are wrong in this case, my english teacher would surely back me up, several times have I had exams and one sentence, 5 possible meanings, but only one is the correct answer, the meaning that 99.9% of the educated people would 'assume' the sentence to mean/read. Don't blame me if you didn't word it correctly, please, that is not my problem.

For your information it took me a mere 3 minutes to add the 'second opinions' to the 'essay' which I had already written. I am very fast at typing and using the broadband internet I assure you.

Christians also 'misinterpret the Bible' , hence why we have different denominations of the faith but when we look at it, apart from the use of different adjectives and hebrew/latin or traditional words (whose true meanings become lost in translation) the simple english sentences 'Do not commit adultery' can be read without any doubt. Must every sentence require an explanation, can we not simply ensure we write what we mean?



Sometimes I dream about having a baby. Amazing. But the cake was lovely

I am finally laughing, kudos to HCH3COO and Davidylan,