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Romance / Re: Im Tired Of My Boyfriend! by topup: 5:21am On Jun 28, 2010
Hey Gabry, if I remember clearly, you love your boyfriend to bits, I just hope he doesn't take this post to heart, a lot of men are like this, it is like an insult to be concerned about them, they imply it to mean that you think that they are weak in some way, or that you have to step up and play the role of the man, which it's not.

Personally I cannot handle a guy like that, I dated someone like that, we drove around wasting taxi fare looking for a cash point just because he would not let me pay the money - though I had cash already.

Arguing over these things is silly too.

I hope both of you can resolve it, I've just watched "Why did I get married too." and there was this character who became incredibly defensive an insecure when he lost his job, putting his wife and newborn in danger rather than to borrow money from his wife's friend - maybe you can both watch this movie, every guy who thinks this way needs a chill pill, life is not meant to be done alone, women want a husband who will be there for them and vice versa, not a stressed up financially, 7day workweek working guy, who could suffer from a heart attack any minute - trying to handle all the bills etc.

Pride is a problem for a lot of 'macho' characters - be it "independent women" or "big strong macho guys" lol!!

All the best with your relationship.
Romance / Re: Being A Nice/descent Person Without Being Taken Advantage Of. by topup: 5:09am On Jun 28, 2010
THAT made a LOT of sense to me. It's true, don't blame your circumstances, make the best out of them, if people are cruel rise above it, and it really is that simple. Our answers to our problems will not all look the same, but if the intention is at least being applied, no one can say you didn't try, and with patience it should eventually work. Stick to your guns, be true to yourself (I don't agree you shoudl change yourself out of pressure especially negative/bullying pressure) - otherwise you become exactly the same as those menacing, dishonest, secretive, people you disliked in the first place.

Romance / Re: Women by topup: 5:03am On Jun 28, 2010
This is a PEOPLE problem not a female or male problem. Most people today are users.

Romance / Re: Gurls Of Nowadays! by topup: 5:02am On Jun 28, 2010
Sometimes people make mistakes, and some people are humble enough to admit their faults, some despite knowing what's good for them will never fight for it, will never come back, they term it - taking back in their vomit.

It's not always the case that once it's over, it's over. I'm sure when you mature you will realise the amount of effort it takes to say I'm sorry, and please take me back. If you're mature you'll just reply to the person, without your pride - your honest feelings about the potential or lack of potential of the relationship.

It really is as simple as; you either want her back or not, the rest is out of your control.
Romance / Re: The Power Of "forming" by topup: 12:43am On Jun 27, 2010
I don't know you know, the relationship has started with doubts, the more you got emotionally involved you might have started to see things less clear - though I could be wrong - you might have genuinely gotten to know her and fall for her class, her character or her ass!!

Anyways just be honest with her.

In my experience, a relationship built on too much pretence/playing hard to get and doubts is not one that sounds like it would withstand the test of time, but it doesn't seem like you want anything serious.

What happened to romantic eyo anyways?? undecided
Romance / Re: My Sister Had My Boyfriend's Baby. Forgive Her? Not? by topup: 12:34am On Jun 27, 2010
Oh Carolece, I'm so sorry about this, it sounds extremely painful, I've never been there before, but I do advocate forgiveness, if you can even consider it, you are a very mature and sensible woman. No one is perfect, it does show your sister's immaturity though. Human beings are all different, but if you can forgive her, then do so, this does not mean that you have to be the closest of friends and do all things sisterly - after all it is such an awkward situation which you've been placed in.
Romance / Re: The 30's Syndrome by topup: 12:29am On Jun 27, 2010
luap:

I semi recently married my wife, she is 44; I am 42.  She has never been married before; she was married to her career.  I was married once before to a younger woman 10 yrs younger. 

Personally I like older women.  Many of my older friends who have had experience with young women prefer older women.  Seems that people at our age have been conditioned on how to behave.  We have more experience and people skills.

My wife is a very beautiful woman.  She is very health conscious.  She also made sure she did not get emotionally used up waiting for her ONE, so she preserved her heart and protected it from many heart breaks; I am thankful.  She told me she believes if she slept around a lot, been in love with to many different guys, she would have become spiritually and mentally used up(numb), and when that one guy came along, she might not have anything left to give.

I am a very lucky man.  She reminds me that I am a very blessed man, lol.  I tell her she is very lucky to have me also.  It goes both ways.

I guess what I am saying is that what ever you do, make sure you do it for LOVE. not so much for age.

This is such a beautiful example, and what most would dream for.

All the best for your marriage.

1 Like

Properties / Re: Architect -builder by topup: 12:28am On Jun 27, 2010
Any pictures of previous work?
Properties / Re: What Does An Architect Do? by topup: 3:48am On Jun 26, 2010
Interesting. Anyone who has experience within the field knows that an Architect does not do specifics, but is a general person, who can cover a vast amount of areas, looking at building design not only structurally, but holistically, incorporating the experience of the end user, and not the quantitative, but also qualitative experience, this I think cannot really be learnt, and that is why many architects are even worse off than engineers. I guess to some extent I agree when my tutors said; "you either have the ability or you don't".

Romance / Re: Should I Ignore Her? by topup: 3:42am On Jun 26, 2010
Sheesh, don't punish anyone by staying with them when you don't love them. The decision should be in your heart, who do you 'love' the most? Who do you want to proceed onto the next stage with. There's your answer!!
Romance / Re: My Nairaland Date: by topup: 3:41am On Jun 26, 2010
You should ask yourself - what you wanted from th relationship - after all the typical reaction is to defend one's self because of the incorrect statement, but you haven't done that, which makes me think she's right, and she has every reason to be upset with you - she feels used.

Is she justified in feeling that way - I don't know.

What did you give back into the relationship, were you romantic, did you give her your heart, did you change for her, did you accomodate her in your life?

Did you use her?

Did you let her into your emotions, and thoughts about the future?

Were you just going with the flow.

Questions questions questions.
Romance / Re: At What Point Do You Enough Is Enough by topup: 3:38am On Jun 26, 2010
I have had this discussion over and over with my friends. The truth is everyone walks away when they think they've had enough, not necessarily after the first hit, second or third, some will walk if he dares to raise his hands because of what is behind that, others will never leave because of what they believe they share or fear.

I just pray never to be in such a situation.

If I was, I hope I would be able to make the wisest decision, which I have now come to believe is NOT always walking away immediately, then again my mother told me something I really believe - if a man hits his wife or if a wife hits her husband, the trust between them is forever broken. This is two adults we are talking about, not animals or children - everything can be solved with reasoning.
Travel / Re: History Of Various Places In Lagos by topup: 4:30am On Jun 25, 2010
It's such a shame that no one on this profile has come to your rescue, my father always tells me a brief history lesson about the places we go to, which is SO interesting. However, I am more of an Ife girl - sorry.

This topic was 2006 - wow!! I hope the guy found what he was looking for smiley
Literature / Re: Any Publisher In The House - Pls Help! by topup: 4:16am On Jun 25, 2010
My advice is to never just rely on your people to support you, if every Nigerian purchased a book, it would never be as much as if it reached globally (and it never killed anyone to aim high (not literally of course!! tongue) ).

Why don't you look for a 'worldly' e-book site. It's good to start with FacebookNaira, but have you thought about the longevity of your 'product' of your story. Wouldn't it be a beautiful thing for someone in Tunisia to write back how much your book helped them or interested them?
Literature / Re: How Many Nigerian Novels Have You Read Recently? by topup: 4:12am On Jun 25, 2010
Thank you for this lovely topic!!

I will get ordering a few.

Has anyone mentioned those written by Chimamanda Adichie??
Properties / What Does An Architect Do? by topup: 4:00am On Jun 25, 2010
Hello guys!!

I just wanted to ask everyone who sees this topic, to answer below, what they think an Architect does.

Thanks smiley
Properties / Re: Lawyer, Where Are My Posts? by topup: 3:57am On Jun 25, 2010
Well I would very much appreciate a re-type (though I understand how repetitive this is), of the 'Mortgage' post.

I agree, if well written and accurate it should be very educational for us.
Romance / Re: What Do You Cherish Most In Your Bedroom? by topup: 3:55am On Jun 25, 2010
My Bible of course, then second is my bed - but if there was a fire, I would grab my diaries. .
Romance / Re: Why Do Guys Keep Dumping Me? by topup: 3:08am On Jun 25, 2010
Nice analogy VivalaDiva!! I'm going to link to it from my blog!!
Romance / Re: Why Do Guys Keep Dumping Me? by topup: 3:06am On Jun 25, 2010
@ buccaneer7

You should click on the board name link "Romance" (assuming you want to post in the Romance section), and then beneath the title/link for the Sexuality board, is the list of pages, to the right of the pages links is the button saying "New Topic".

Click smiley
Romance / Re: Message From My Girlfriend: Now She Seeks Forgivness by topup: 3:03am On Jun 25, 2010
It depends on the environment the person stays and what words and behavioural patterns they assimilate.

Who knows maybe it's a throw away word to her, the gravity of which you felt because to you it's the highest of highest of insults.

I'm not excusing her behaviour, I think she shows signs of a woman that can get extremely irrational when she is under emotional pressure or is confused, this is not a settling characteristic - to know a person could explode on you.

Ask her, "What if something worse happened, would she harm you?"

"What if we got married, would you divorce me there and then?"

These are the images I get, of her irrational behaviour.


For now, make it clear that those words are lethal and should not be uttered - I am assuming that you don't verbally abuse her either - then watch her, watch her general tolerance for anger and situations, and really try and observe her trust for you.

2 things I thought when I read your post:

- She is fiery but not in the good way - explosive and irrational when angry.
- She does not have an inbuilt trust, which gives you the benefit of the doubt - knowing you wouldn't do such a thing to her, or at least trying her best to believe it.
Romance / Re: She Was An Aristo But I Still Luv Her by topup: 2:55am On Jun 25, 2010
How many strikes do you give a person before they go too far with you.

Lying 1
Seeing another man 2
Pregnancy Test (she didn't say she was sleeping with him) 3

What does it say about the character of a woman who claims to love a man, yet gives herself so easily to another for money?

Is this the wisdom you want to be passed onto your children, that you two could have together?
Are these the same morals you abide for.

Some questions for you.
Romance / Re: "swagless" :-( by topup: 2:50am On Jun 25, 2010
I don't agree that all your years of chasing your career is the problem, it may have been the mentality you carried yourself along those times - purposely putting off potential anythings, so that you wouldn't get distracted from your goal. This affects both men and women, women suffer more though because it is more unseen to see an older woman marrying a much younger man.

Anyways, back to the topic, I think you need to start with your mind first, you can't just wake up with an amazing guy overnight, you can wake up with ANY guy though.

I think you are a smart woman, and men find that attractive, you just need to be honest and start thinking about what kind of man you want who would complement you, then you can think about where you are most likely going to find him, and engage in something social and interactive around that.

If you like a cultured man, work in an art gallery or visit several showings, if you like a business man, network harder and update your professional serious look to a more sophisticated and sexy look.

I definitely think no one should lose hope.

Also, as for the 3 years guy, he is not having an easy time of living without you - believe me (unless he was cheating all along) - so avoid him at all cost, detach from him, if you do this, he may actually be able to appreciate the things you contribute to his life - other than arguments, he will miss you. Whether he will miss you enough to propose is another thing together, but it will get him to ask himself questions.

Anyways, join a gym, socialise and don't be too proud to go on blind dates and ask your friends to introduce you to people. You are not desperate, you are just trying to catch up on all the time that could have been used doing this already.

Most of all be yourself - after all the hardest bit is keeping the man.

--------


I want to address the issue of peer pressure, I am against peer pressure, but seriously, if your heart calls for a man and a wedding and being wedded to him, follow it, you will end up convincing yourself that your heart is incorrect, but if you don't follow it, wait another year with him, and the same questions will pop up - or worse ,you will have a receited answer you tell all your friends when they ask if you're really happy with having just a partner.

Follow your heart and think selfishly whilst you are single and young - not when you're older and the chances are very very slim.
Romance / Re: Are White Guys More Romantic Than Black Guys? by topup: 2:42am On Jun 25, 2010
This has a lot to do with my post on men showing their emotions. Most African and Black men feel pressured to fit the cool, dark, masculine stereotype, and they find it hard to show their emotions because of this stereotype.

How many mainstream movies have you seen a black man cry at something truly touching, or show affection.

Most black men believe that they are not expected to show this emotion, and some are even uneasy with it themselves.

TO be romantic, I think, means you need to be comfortable with your masculinity and sometimes leave the 'ego' in order to prove a true point about how you really feel deep inside.

This makes a lot of men - not just black uncomfortable, and to this day, there are a LOT of unromantic MEN in general.
Romance / Re: ........ by topup: 4:49am On Jun 24, 2010
odiaero:

why wouldl a girl propose to a guy, in which planet does that happen?, i guess only in planet dreams undecided

It happens - more often than you think.

@ The Poster, try and get back in contact with her, and then simply just remind her of the promise and see her response, if she humours you try another hint, if you feel safe enough - ask her if she still has feelings for you. She should get the signal, but if she seems distant you can take that to mean that she probably doesn't hold that promise as high as you do, or remembers about or possibly she doesn't care.

These are all possibilities.

All the best, and know that the future only starts here, so don't get bogged down thinking all hope is lost tongue
Romance / Re: Why Do Guys Keep Dumping Me? by topup: 4:41am On Jun 24, 2010
Most relationships don't work because when we're young, we're very selfish, we get less selfish the older we get - we want to give and belong, and be part of something bigger - then there are some of us that are still selfish, and want someone to love us.

I also think that most relationships don't work because we all have it programmed that it's a trial and error thing, we don't go into it thinking 'this is it', after all who doesn't step up their game for the 'final exam'??
We believe in fate, luck/chance and use those as excuses to pursue our own selfish goals within a relationship, and with emotions we can never make clear or rational judgements.

Do you know that to even make a rational non-emotional judgement is pretty irrational within the subject of relationship.

These are just some of my opinions though.
Romance / Re: Why Do Guys Keep Dumping Me? by topup: 4:36am On Jun 24, 2010
Share your mistakes so that hopefully we'll learn from them?? cheesy
Romance / Re: Men Who Are Sweet by topup: 4:32am On Jun 24, 2010
odiaero:


is this your script 4 bollywood or nollywood producers to read? undecided

Yes tongue

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