₦airaland Forum

[color=#cc0066]Maybe she doesn't want to be rushed into anything, and I know with her being your lover the only thing in your mind right now, you can barely wait. But maybe that's not what she wants, maybe she's still trying to figure you out, you may think 4 months is enough to know somebody but it's not, and if she wants something serious she will not rush into it until she is completely comfortable.

I am on her side because I rushed into a relationship after knowing the guy for 3 months, turns out he wanted a lover and I wanted something serious, yes he equated love with sex, so he also told me he wanted something serious, but if I had taken more time, I may have found out his true intentions. If you love this girl, your love will still there in the next 4 months, so no worries (if that really is what you're looking for), [/color]

[color=#cc0066]This is the secret which I always tell my friends,

If you give a man what he wants, and you satisfy him, emotional, physically, (and other things ), he will start to want to please you, without nagging at all.

If you bring it up to him and he ignores you, keep playing his game, then usually the conscience comes in, and he'll think 'how can I please this wonderful woman of mine?' and he'll remember what you said, OR he'll come and ask you.

It's seen as sucking in your pride, and it truly is, want to be pleased? Please your man first. I hate this, because it sounds SO against all the equal rights we have worked for, but it truly is that way.

My dad has told me a million times, men are selfish and tend to think about themselves a lot, so if you give them what they need to be happy, they will soon start seeking for the things that makes the person sustaining them, also happy.

I think this is also the secret to any good marriage.[/color]

EMANY 01:
when he is convinced to his rational self that he has met the RIGHT woman for him (not just his emotions:they just blind you until the wedding is over)

[color=#cc0066]Last point I believe is very important. There may have been many great girls, but only when a man can successfully convince his conscience and mind that this is the RIGHT one, and to be honest, this woman may not be anything in comparison to the others, he may just be tired of searching, or weighed up his other options or maybe lost hope in finding love, but all he has to do is to sign the contract, much like signing for a job, in which he promises to perform and keep up a high standard (because marriage is THAT demanding).[/color]

[color=#cc0066]YES. [/color]

[color=#cc0066]If I was to say my morals were loosened with alcohol I'd be lying, it'd be our inhibitions like someone earlier said, just because we know something's wrong doesn't mean we truly believe it is, sometimes we merely lie to ourselves because that's what society or religion dictates. We feel less inhibited, the words 'why not' pop into our mind more frequently, and we wake up with maybe one or two regrets. Maybe consuming a huge amount of alcohol, for someone who has never experienced it can create a sort of surreal world, like a dream, and they may carry out actions that they believe are wrong, I have heard this happen, many girls wondering if the last night was a dream or reality, Then again, maybe their drinks were spiked, who knows![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Brains. With brains you can do anything, brains will give you the idea to improve your sex appeal, you will find other ways to improve yourself and make certain aspects of yourself attractive. I love smart guys, I used to love it when my ex would wear his glasses 1) because he'd stop squinting all the time and looking like a darn fool and 2) because it made him look cuter (went against the 'gangsta' look he tried so hard to culture ).

Yes Brains! Though I am obviously looking for both, if I can't get 50:50 of both, then I'd definitely opt for more brain and less beauty.[/color]

lidbb2:
@ poster
its not surprising.
thats how most women are.when you're struggling they will all disappear.but when the soup don ready.they will be resurfacing from all sides.
some women are soo funny.they don't want to suffer with you when you are struggling,but they want enjoy with you when you strike gold.
some ladies will even tell you stories about how their foremothers suffered with their forefathers,and the man married another wife,so they can't suffer with a man bla bla bla.
this is partly what makes them shun hardworking struggling young men in favour of rich yahoo boys (who will dump them untimately).then they will start shouting that nigerian men are all bad.
at the end of the day,its the man that laughs last.

[color=#cc0066]Aaaah that is not true!!!

I myself would love to start from scratch with someone I love and then build up, I know we can both do it, I don't wish to leach off anyone's hard work! I really dislike golddiggas and I am not one! Infact I try to be as independent as possible and unless you're my father and I'm asking for tuition fees, I don't ask men for money. Full stop. And money doesn't bribe me, cos I can't live with a rich guy I don't love. I just can't.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]To me it doesn't sound like he's madly in love with his new girl, because he's giving you a chance to convince him, if he had totally moved on he wouldn't care, and would rather you move along too! However, he could just be watching you, like a master watching his puppy do tricks, beware that he's not using this as food for his ego. But follow your heart, one of the best things you can do is be honest and sincere, tell him you know where you went wrong in the past, and that you don't want to lose all those wonderful memories you two had together. (If there truly were any )[/color]

[color=#cc0066]You're probably a good man, very mature and you offer a stable relationship, many people claim to be ready for that, but they're not, they leave you because they are bored, they want some action, excitement and fun, and when they realise that those are just disguises for the irresponsible, players, not-serious guys out there, they come back to what has always been good, you. For a girl to come back to you, it means in comparison to the guy she left you for, you're better. For that to have happened three times, it shows me that you're probably a great guy. Keep looking up

Yeah, I'm still waiting for my ex to come back begging, and losing contact will do just the trick, everyone tells me *guys and gals* that I was too good for him, so if they're right, we know who should be emailing/calling in a few months time. (Unless he has a big ego) [/color]

[quote author=j-girl link=topic=159564.msg2648941#msg2648941 date=1218592583]A point comes where sex means absolutely nothing anymore because it does not really satisfy the emotional needs of people .[/quote][color=#cc0066]I completely agree. I'm at the stage where I have no choice but to be single, I think I am fooling myself if I think that I have a good selection of serious guys who are of ages close to my own ~20s. My last b/f was 21, and he was a graduate, told all the stories of 'I'm ready to change' but I think he thought I could change him, he would repeat that 'the right woman, would be an incentive enough to change' but he slipped back into his old ways within 2 months. So, I know that age isn't a determinant. It simply relies on the man and the man alone. For all I know an 18 year old could be more mature than a 30 year old. I am only simply remaining single so that I can scope the guys around me, and with the last relationship I was all too willing on making it work, and heading towards something that could develop into marriage that I wasn't really thinking rationally about the type of guy I was dealing with. Then also I want to be single, so that I can meet more people, once you have a 'tag' on you, you have to worry about the looks guy A is giving you, or tell overly friend guy B that you have a b/f (which ultimately pisses him off). Coming from an overprotective family, I am only just tasting singledom to it's fullest, flirting, partying, enjoying being young (not doing anything to be ashamed of though), also finding myself. But seriously if love was here, I wouldn't reject it.



WHAT IS FWB?[/color]

[color=#cc0066]I don't know what to say about this issue. I have only dealt with issues when the sister is interfering with the relationship, and the brother will listen to anything the sister says because he is that close to her. However, I think maybe you should just try and have a neutral conversation with your brother, where you just state what you think, don't shout at him or tell him off, just say it and leave it at that, because if he gets mad, the situation may worsen since you, the person who has your brother's interest in mind will become the 'hater' then. I don't think it's worth talking to the woman because I am pretty sure she knows what she's doing. Is there somebody your brother truly respects and listens to??[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Ignoring the stats which happen to be causing a stir. I think people leave their first loves, because until you've bene out with other people do you truly appreciate what you had and do you understand that you loved that person. If you have nothing to compare it to, you may believe that you are simply infatuated with the person, and most first loves happen during our younger years, when you're unlikely to marry in the nearby future, and some people can't imagine being with the same person for the next 10 years of their lives. Remember when you're 14-20, 10 years is a crazyyyyy long time![/color]

[quote author=j-girl link=topic=159564.msg2648806#msg2648806 date=1218589394]That's why I'm so pissed off.
I guess most guys equate love with sex when they say if you love me, you'll do it.
But the truth about the whole situation is that FWBs make life easier for women.
No strings attached but one will eventually get hurt in the end.
As long as i'm not the one getting hurt, I'll be allowed to stand on my own two feet and maybe find the lovey-dovey part[/quote][color=#cc0066]What are FWBs? But do you think you can truly have a relationship with someone (even if it is a fling) that you won't get hurt? How can you have a relationship if you don't invest even just a bit of emotion into it, it becomes just cold doesn't it.
I know how you feel, but I prefer to wait until I see that guy who is serious about his life, and has already done the 'whoa boobies, whoa sex' phase![/color]

debosky:
I'm at the get your act together stage - prepare for taking the relationship to the final frontier - marriage.

[color=#cc0066]Wishin' you all the best [/color]

[quote author=j-girl link=topic=159564.msg2648735#msg2648735 date=1218587107]I'm at the stage where i'm trying to understand the difference. So many guys take one as the other.
I want love but with the way things are going. . . . . I'm going to say i'm at the stage where i'm looking for sex.
Friends WITH BENEFITS ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/quote][color=#cc0066]Well if you want love, satisfying these guys is just gonna delay you reaching your destination, but hey, you never know.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]Personally,

I like assertive men, men who think by being a 'yes man' is going to get them in the ladies books are in for a surprise. I like men who steer their own lives, who are willing to defend what they believe in. It's the 'perfect' combination that most women are after, the nice guy, who can stand up for her in a fight or even against her in an argument. They want to feel as if their man is 'raw', not some diluted version. Also, I like charm, a guy who is daring scores points too, daring to say something unexpected or cheeky, not the predictable type. Generally, I would like some excitement in my life, that would be the only explanation for why I would choose a 'bad guy' over the 'nice guy', especially if the nice guy is very safe. Whilst the 'bad guy' swoops in with all his energy and takes me away, the nice guy is more likely to be quiet about it, whilst if it was the other way around, a 'bad guy' would go to extents to prove his 'love' for you.[/color]

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=159564.msg2648663#msg2648663 date=1218585385]I am at that stage where I need to start securing my future.

I am in a relationship which I hope ends in marriage because I really am not ready to start searching again,[/quote][color=#cc0066]I kinds know how you feel, especially when you give all you have to that relationship, you can almost feel like you have nothing left to give.[/color]

onyinye2:
Well I definately aint looking for sex
Love. . . . not sure about that one either
I guess im in that stage of life
Where im just barely finding myself
So love and sex aren't really in the equation.

[color=#cc0066]So you're not really looking for a relationship?

I am finding myself too, but I know if I was to enter into a relationship it would only be for love,

Good luck in your search [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Love , always been, maybe this was determined from birth by my sex, [/color]

What are you looking for right now in relationships?

Sex or Love.


Easy way of finding out:

Which one will make you stay with someone who has annoying habits?
(Don't know how to create polls )

[color=#cc0066]I diagreed when the rules for women came out and I disagree with these too, [/color]

tomaagy:
really I don't think all guys can be the same, some might call loving a woman eit your heart stupid but I think thats what is supposed be

[color=#cc0066]Kudos to you.

+ 10 respect points [/color]

[color=#cc0066]In response to the advice by Syma, I have been out with a 'bad guy' and he pretended to be nice, that's what kept me around, he seemed so kindhearted and genuine, when it boiled down to it, he was just a 'bad guy', maybe he tried changing, who knows, but it's not all about protection. It was mainly his persistence that drew me to him, because I try at all costs to avoid a 'bad guy', but seriously I think mature women look for genuine and nice guys, nice guys DON'T finish last, 'bad guys' just get the lead earlier on. Before a 'bad guy' can find any girl to truly settle down with, he'll have to change his ways (the dreaded period in a man's life).

My advice to the OP is that she was playing you from the get go OR maybe she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. By asking to be friends, she might be trying to 'protect' your feelings though it hurts more in the long run, also she might not want you talking smack about her. Anyways, actions speak louder than words, and really if she loved/loves you you two would have broken it off mutually, because it sounds that you had feelings for her. It seems she didn't like you as much as you like her and maybe she found something else to draw her attention.

If you wanna follow Syma's advice and be a 'bad guy' go ahead, the decision is yours, but I'm just talking from experience and a girl's point of view. If you want something real, you'll keep doing you, and you won't change, any changes should be to become a better person, more assertive, get what you want out of life.

Your ex may want you as a back up, maybe that's why she wants to be friends.

That's exactly the story of my ex. He confessed he loved me, a week later he told me 'we had been drifting apart, we were more like friends now' and then finally 'I think if we continued this it'll just get worse'

Cliches, *sigh, when will people learn to be honest*![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Checks the rulebook:

Ummm,
Umm,

There! Found it ,

reads,

'Yes' it is allowed.[/color]

Cayon:
No, he should stay at home. the relationship is still young. After three months he can start hanging out with his friends

[color=#cc0066]Hmmm, about that point, even though he/she will lose points with their friends, if he/she wants the relationship to work then they would dedicate their all to developing great foundations. Hmmmmmm

But to be honest, she sounds psycho,

She should have just said 'since y'all are having innocent fun, you wouldn't mind me tagging along' [/color]

[color=#cc0066]HAHAHAHA! I'm not sure if it's because of my upset tummy or because of the numerous times the 'pet names' were used, tootsie roll LOL!

Nonetheless , funny![/color]

[color=#cc0066]Well, I agree with this post. I believe it pays, about 99% of people who have cheated always regret it, if that's not a incentive for most, also the feelings are usually temporary. Nobody knows that if a man marries the 'loving' mistress or leaves his wife, that this mistress wouldn't also become nagging and irritating. It is so much easier to see your dream woman in another when a man is needy (same goes for women), there are people out there with personality traits, which cause them to be attracted to insecure men and women, and they are willing to give you confidence and support, and tell you your wife/husband is treating you badly and you should go with them, but those people change as soon as your confidence starts to improve and who knows the grass may have been greener on the side you were initially on, who knows, [/color]

[color=#cc0066]Nah, it must be fair both ways, I have heard though that women seem to get over their guys quicker because they let all their emotions out after the break up, whilst guys want to look big infront of their friends and keep it all inside, they don't talk to their guy friends and so it's all bottled up inside. They have to put up a front and that doesn't help in the long run. Women, let it out, cry, scream, diss the guy until they start healing. I mean it's 2 months after my breakup and I'm still on this forum!!! LOL! It's not true that women are unloving, neither is it for men also. It is totally dependent on the type of relationship, and the maturity of the person. A mature person will express their emotions and get over them, whilst someone else will put up a front (girls do this too!) I feel sorry for men, who cannot be seen crying over some girl, they have to bottle it up, and that can haunt and hurt them more over a longer period of time. Man, I wish my ex is still hurting (how bad is that), this is his doing and I don't want to be the only one.[/color]

[color=#cc0066]So far, I don't think this situation requires any help, if you're thinking about her just call her, because it could just be you're not the only one thinking about doing so. Anyways, don't rush it, follow your instincts, try not to play games, but then again, not everybody's mature enough to handle the seriousness that comes with a 'serious' relationship, depends on what type of girl she is, and you probably don't know that yet, so call her and find out [/color]