₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:
(Sigh)
It appears I may have to be a little more explicit.

Ok a colleague is having issues at his office. His boss is a woman ,just 3months or so transferred to her department. She took a liking to him instantly. She always wants to have private conferences with him and has insisted on more than one occasion that he visit her place so they can finish up on some important documents there . Also on more than one occasion she has granted him undue unmerited favours like estacodes and other monetery stuff he ideally shouldn't be entitled to.

so its obvious she likes him.

The problem is he doesn't like her one bit. She isn't his type at alll. Older than him by at least a decade, not easy on the eyes in any way. Also strikes as someone looking for a man desperately. Bros doesn't want to swallow fish that will hook him.

He tried backing out of a recent private conference and the end result wasn't pretty. He was made to do a job meant for three people in half the time needed to do it. He had to do some begging and ego massaging to get off the hook.

Now it looks like she is consolidating her efforts and he doesn't know how to go about rebuffing her without hurting her feelings.

Any ideas what he should do?

Yes I have - some girl in church, hearing all sorts of "words", prophesying and telling me about the generational issues in my family ! She even followed me to Naija !

Anyway! Coogars prognosis although grim could be close to home. Dusting off his CV sounds like an obvious thing to do, but who knows if he'll secure a position as good or run into "personnel" issues there.

Is he married? Then his wife should be a shield. If he is "seriously dating" or engaged, he should have made that very apparent from the offset. It's one of the things I do, pictures of my wife and family all over, screen saver sef - even though we are not allowed - first line of defense.

He should start to document and keep evidence of any untoward action by his boss - although if it's Naija and the norm obtains, he may not be able to prevail against her if it becomes a case - even if he can evidence her unprofessionalism.

He can try not washing, or eating loads of garli,c or showing other unattractive traits -maybe she'll go off him. Perhaps drop how he is struggling to be shot of chronic gono during a lunch convo . And of course theirs always the "gay" card - although she may think she's the cure.

The elders in church, asked me to have it out with her -which I thought was a complete abdication, but hey - he could try that, but no matter how he approaches or words it, she won't take it eay and may not even take it.

5mins, please be there for your padi .


TV

damiso:
I have actually cut them out totally and these days I think I can even live with eating very lil rice sef ( anyone who knows me knows I love my jollof rice and ayamase).

I don't see why they have to be eliminated completely? What is wrong with allowing say one traditional meal a week, or okele only at owambes - assuming you do'nt go Thursday thru' Sunday ? Especially if it's not a massive serving - I think that can be the issue more than the actual food type.

damiso:
You are right for some things though going cold turkey is the drastic solution.. not had fizzy drinks ( coke, sprite, Fanta etc) in almost 10 years.

If of course one needs to achieve quick results for some reason sure - but long-term? Life is for living to some extent, why deny yourself. When you finally make it to my house if you don't eat the rich food I'll serve, I'll be upset 0 !


TV

naijababe:
@ Coach TV01, squats ke? That's mostly going to work her glutes, I would reckon that burpees are much better for what she is desires.

Hiya, I hear you, I just updated to include HIIT/cardio, and we can talk details around that. I'd need to know what Sal does now. I actually think dancing would be great for what she's after? If it's time, not sure that dancing takes any more time, or is any more inconvenient than any other form.


TV

^{110 burpees yesterday - 11x10 - let me go and check my waist.}

salsera:
What would you recommend for diet

In pursuit of health and fitness, I've always found the best results are when exercise and diet are worked on in tandem. Weirdly - or maybe not - enough, I find once I slack on the exercise front, my diet slips and conversly, when I'm exercising close to optimum, I have less cravings for not so good food.

I'm in a purple patch right now and haven't had biscuits, chocolate, etc. for the longest time. Having said that, I also find giving oneself leeway and making a small allowance for not so great foods - treats, rewards - will mean you still make gains, whilst not giving yourself impossible targets - and feeling misrable when you fail to meet them.

It follows that I'm not a big proponent of labelling foods good or bad or eliminating any altogether - with the exception of those that have no obvious benefit or may be damaging - i.e. I don't use sugar, ever.

I need to know where you are now in terms of diet.


TV

salsera:
@tearoses and TV01

Don't open another thread please.

So coach TV01
I have a question, I weigh just over 60kg highest weight is 65kg. Dance used to be my exercise but not any more got no time. But I want to lose 2inches of my waist ALONE without losing weight anywhere else. My height is 5ft 8. I don't mind increasing muscle mass. I think my waist is about 34 or so(though you wouldn't believe it if you saw me)

What would you recommend for diet n exercise.

Holá Sal,

I don't think there are many proponents of "spot weight loss" anymore? Losing weight from a specific spot is notoriously difficult to prescribe for. However your willngness to increase mass offsets this somewhat.

I see the waist as largely a consequence of ones body/type and genetics, the specific types of exercises one does, and particularly how you work the trunk and legs.

Off the bat I'd say squats with variations, and lots of floor work around abs, incorporating twisting/lateral movements - and cardio/HIIT.

Funnily enough, I did my kettlebell sesion yesterday. Theres's a lady that makes her way to the floor after class and goes through a serious squatting/stretching routine. Needless to say it's paying appreciabel dividends.

Given the stats you provided, I have a picture of you in my mind. I wonder why you are particular about your waist? Could you start by telling me which body type in each of the two pics you most closely identify with;

Diet to follow.

TV

cococandy:
Well that's where the if comes in.
If it makes them feel better. Then why not call it a cure?

A person has gender dysphoria - a disconnect between their biological sex and the sex they believe themselves to be - why wouldn't they think that being "changed" into a woman is the cure? But nothing we can do can make a male into a female and vice versa. Did you ead any of the links?

cococandy:
As with humans some will feel better, some will not. So for some, it is a cure by definition: Do you think it possible to deny those who want to go ahead and do the surgery the chance to do so because they may regret it?

"Feeling better" is not necessarily a cure. Becoming "comfortable" in their confusion, is not a cure. Even if that course of action is preferable to some and we allow it as a matter of choice, do we sell it as the only or preferred way?

Especially for vulnerable and easily confused children? Escpecially in light of reparative therapies that seek to cure the ailment at the root and restore them by removing the disconnect?

Especially by re-writing laws, re-defining institutions, re-engineering shared morés and re-negotiating social agreements, to discomfort and even persecute the vast majority of the population to ensure "equality" for a handful?

cococandy:
I'm being realistic about what may or not be legally achievable.

Anything is legally possible. And whlst we would hope that laws are aligned with morality and truth, it not always is. Did you not hear about the SCOTUS ruling on June 26th?

cococandy:
@bold, I totally agree with you.

Totally in part

cococandy:
Which in turn raises other questions. Why not let the teen do it when it's usually best? Do we leave the decision to the parents since they are still minors?

If one sees the gender re-assignment procedure "as best", then it makes sense to start as early as possible, pre-pubescence if possible, before hormones really kick-in. Which brings us back to the point that many will grow out of the dysphoria - and still yet many more will regret the procedure. And this is clearly not a decision for a minor.

cococandy:
What if the parent decides otherwise and the kid can't get the treatment until later on, will he hate the parents for denying him the chance for a full transition?

Again, this is speaking out of an understanding of GR as best? "What is a full transition"? It it actually possible? What of reparative therapy or counselling or dealing with any trauma the child may have suffered?

cococandy:
What if the parents go with it and he changes his mind later on, won't he hate his parents for not being authoritative enough to stop him?
Lots of questions.

It's difficult and there may be pain either way, but in parent/chold relations, I am loathe to blame responsible and mature parents for doing what's in their childs best interest.

But even this is problematic if parents don't have full knowledge or act out of a belief or ideology - even genuinely held - that a certain way is preferable. And that includes those on both sides of the debate.

cococandy:
About cross-dressers maybe. Just like there are mild schizophrenics and Catatonic ones. Their will
always be some in the grey areas.

Or varying degrees of dysfunction/pathology. Somebeing literally "harmless" in a sense - from a legal point of view !


TV

Stillfire:
Considering the rate at which you all are being kicked out of the houses and your children's lives, you still think it's the default for most women to be led?

Yes. It may seem a strange dichotomy, but both positions are absolutely right. Your "garden variety" female - one who is not truly of faith, or deeply socialised, or repressed, has two conflicting impulses;

One is to be led by/submit to a strong man, and the other is to control man (or even other women) around her who do not demonstrate the requisite qualities (or possess the same status).

Not saying men don't have their own - just responding to your question !


TV

cococandy:
@ the rest of the post, noted.

@the bolded.

What's a cure?


If that course of action relieves them of the symptoms of feeling like they are in the wrong body, why isn't it a cure? Because it's not conventional?

Now their minds align with the image of who they believe they are.
The symptoms of feeling in the wrong body is gone. They are no longer distraught.
Is that not the definition of a cure?
Who says all cure has to only be about pills or therapy.

When it's in the mind, it's harder to reach than when it's just in the body.
What's easier to work on? The mind or the body?
The body of course.

The only thing hindering us from accepting it fully is the shock factor. It's shocking to all of us. To me. To you. It doesn't mean that by indept analysis, you can actually point to something wrong (i.e against any laws) about that course of treatment.

Whatever the "cure" is, it cannot be to further the persons confusion by pumping them full of hormones, them undergo mutilating surgery, and entertaining them in their "emperors new clothes charade.

And more seriously, you are assuming that re-assignment actually makes them happy and comfortable in themselves. I ended with the fact that there is a lot of regret over surgery in the trans community, but it's suppressed.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2004/jul/30/health.mentalhealth - this from a left-wing rag I personally detest.
http://www.sexchangeregret.com/
http://www.sexchangeregret.com/examples
http://help4families.com/?page_id=437
https://gendertrender./tag/sex-change-regret/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2783583/Man-10-000-treatment-woman-wants-REVERSE-sex-change-criticises-NHS-lack-psychiatric-evaluation.html

And what of those that just like to cross-dress and accessorise? Why don't they want to go all the way? Different degrees of the illness - a fetish and not as serious an illness maybe?

Full +75% of teens that identify as homosexual, fully identify as straight by age 24. Why would we start gender re-assignment for children/pre-teens? A fuller transition is made if treatment is started pre-pubescence, hence the reason for starting earlier, but what's the chance they would simply grow out of it if left alone?


TV

tearoses:
Bro TV01 Many thanks for your tips. Been very very helpful
Im on the right track

. . . So I was craving plantain chips today and cleverly thought I will buy a veg that looks like a potato, slice thinly and grill . . . na so I buy celerac or whatever its called. Big Big mistake ive never tasted anything so vile in my life

I just have to laugh

Great, good to hear.
What's wrong with plantain chips? Even if there is, it's not bad if you just have a few occasionally.


TV

ladygogo:
She is actually pretty independent. She is an Architect and I heard her family was responsible for sponsoring his political career.

Some sources are also saying the Governor later found out the front for the business happens to be Yemisi's boyfriend.

How does the law work in the UK in regards to pressing charges?

Na dem sabi. Won ma wa alright.
I only pity Benue people.

Holá

To be honest, I knew nothing of the back story - not the state in question, the names or even the tribes of the couple. I did assume - in error perhaps and my bad - that she was basically the long-suffering wife of a political bigshot with no real capital of her own.

But all told - I pretty much stand by my initial statement - although it seems now that he may actually be the one to move her on.

Per pressing charges, I'm not totally sure and it depends on the situation; did she call the cops or was it a third party? Will she be willing to testify against him if there are no other witnesses? Did he do her real physical harm? In which case they may be able to press charges without her testifying, unless she corroborates his defence or lies to get him off the hook.


TV

cococandy:
Ok so here's what's going on. I'm taking psychology right now and it's actually one of the hot debates in my class at the moment.

I've always been of the same opinion as the bolded in your post. That is that gender of the mind is factually determined by physical gender.
I was sure it's a fact.
But my challenge is to prove it.
And guess what? I couldn't. Nobody can really prove it.

If one speaks from a belief in the Christian God and the bible - given the fall, we understand that man can a vast array of possible dysfunctions (evidence of the sinful nature).

If one subscribes to evolutionary theory - which is dispassionate and drives towards the survival of the fittest - what purpose would that kind of disconnect have? Why would it not be "bred out" by natural selection?

As for no proof, studies show that right from birth, baby boys and girls demonstrate different traits. So for example, if you slam a door in a room full of babies the girls are 40% more likely to cry. Nothing constructed or built at that age. Toddler boys preferring guns and girls dolls is not a construct, even if it's not 100% correlated - the exceptions merely prove the rule.

cococandy:
Short of raising experimental kids in a socially sterile environment, where they will have no social interactions whatsoever, you can't really tell for a fact that being male or female in the mind is not largely dependent on what you've learned by observation as a kid growing in a 'genderized' society.

It's the notion of "gender" that is a construct, biological sex is determinative and cannot be just about the body alone. Hormonal effects and puberty all lead towards distinct physical and psychological traits - even if there is overlap and some exceptions.

After all, the total population of people whose biological sex,"orientation" and "gender" do not align no reach 5% - and that's estimating generously. And evolutionary speaking they do not drive the human species forward or procreate

cococandy:
Even if it were possible to conduct such an experiment, the kids would grow up mentally impaired because humans need social interactions to be fully rounded and balanced mentally.

Because humans are sexually dimorphous for a reason - the compliment perfectly - there is no need. What ever norms we have are based on biological and functional reality, not the other way round.

cococandy:
So now you have a mentally impaired human who you can't tell if their lack of any gender streamline is because of the mental impairment or truly because he hasn't been conditioned from birth to be genderless.

The case in question has clear causality. Even if we accept some may literally be from birth - although children are not born sexual, that development comes later - it has to be seen as dysfunction.

cococandy:
Well as for the rest of the post, it is indeed considered a deviation/dysfunction .
And it has a name. Gender dysphoria. Medically it fits all the criteria to be considered a disorder.

I'm aware

cococandy:
But the treating the people who have it as 'sick' is where the problem lies. Apart from having the mind of a man in a woman's body, they are just like regular people, just as smart and what have you. most importantly, they are not dying and are not a source of harm to other people around them.

So treating them with sympathy might be condescending.

I don't agree, there is something patently wrong, and it is an illness. Are you saying gender re-assignment surgery is the right course of action? That is "physical" mutilation for what you yourself consider a problem of the mind. Does that make sense? Not least because surgery cannot recode DNA or re-assign reproductive function or correct a psychological malfunction.

And it's pertinent to know there'a a whole body of "re-assignment regret" evidence on the net, it's heavily suppressed.


TV

Unless this women is truly independent of this man, it can't go anywhere.

If her status, well-being and upkeep are inextricably tied up with him, how will it benefit her to aid his prosecution? Or how will she see it as beneficial to her? Unless of course her life is in danger - assuming she even considers death worse than divorce.

Assuming he has assets in the UK and they take all of them and award them to her, wil she consider that a better deal? Will their kids even side with her? Will she prefer to be in the UK as a rich nobody?

If she had the wherewithal to be independent - and wanted it - she'd have taken action herself, and sooner.

Lets follow the situation. I don't see him jailed or her divorcing him - unless the authorities are able to act unilaterally.


TV

Ewuro4:
Dinachi , Pickabeau1 & TV01 ... My initial post was only to clarify the contrast between those two orientation to best of my knowledge.

Yes, you may be right about transgenderism having Gayish tendencies so why not kuku be gay instead of going through all that nip tuck? (that seems to be the bone of contention here and on every forums)

I will never understand and honestly, to be frank, I try as much as possible to avoid this discussion coz I'm very confused. I have gay friends and colleagues at work , my kids asked questions about these group of people esp when their friends have two mommies , so what do you have me say/do?

and you know what? I looked out the window yesterday , and this morning (now) and nothing seemed abnormal. Atleast not YET. I'm gonna live my life one day at a time without all the burden this world has to offer.

The reality of it is unnerving, no? You can "say what you like", but there is a government/PC line. It is that any combination is "normal" and "acceptable". Then they teach it in schools - along with early sexualisation of kids.

They undermine centuries of your culture and tradition and you have no real say - indeed, you can be prosecuted if you say otherwise. Soon, they'll tart taking kids from dissenters. One day at a time just means the inevitable draws ever closer.

There is no middle ground - it's not live and let live - you must accept, accede, endorse, celebrate and participate if need be.

The good news - if you don't have the gospel - Timbuktou is selling land in Nigeria


TV

cococandy:
It's hard to understand.
So the human mind is inherently male and female?

How far?

That's how he chooses to understand/explain it. It's not necessarily the reality. And note, the trauma came first. When a human being is born and develops normally, biological sex and gender expression are aligned. Anything else has to be considered dysfunctional, no matter how sympathetic we are.

cococandy:
I could have sworn that the body you're born in determines how your mind gets moulded according to the social norms of what's considered male and female.

The body certainly biologically determined - minute cases of true lack of development or differentiation aside. And even the mind, it's largely hormones. The societal construct largely reflects that, it does not determine it.

cococandy:
I think their choices need to be respected anyways.
Their life their choice.
Or should I say just their life. Since it's not a choice they made.

That's fine in principle, but in practice it often means wholesale changes for us all and accomodations to the lives, behaviours and practices of others, that they are not comfortable with.

Society has to have shared, values, morés, codes of conduct, terms of reference and engagement, and protocols to function harmoniously. An ethos of "free for all choice" however "principled", is hardly practical.

cococandy:
Any ideas of what a possible cure or management procedure would be If it is treated as a pathology?

It's evidently a dysfunction, a pathology and should be treated as such - affording them the best medical care we have. I'm not a medic, so can't speak knowledgeably on specific interventions.

cococandy:
Because telling them something is wrong with them with no plans to manage or 'cure' them is like saying "you're the outcast. Not one of us. And so shall you be"
That's inhumane.

I clearly stated "treated" and with "all sympathy".

Your approach suggests affirming the behaviour - like they do now, commence gender re-assignment procedures on confused 4 year olds? If something is wrong, especially psychologically, it helps no one to affirm that belief.


TV

A child can't "start having sex" at 6 - he was abused, simple. And for at least 8 years . Tragic. The trauma has evidently left him dysfunctional in terms of sex and intimacy. And that is totally understandable - what I don't agree with is "normalising" this. It should be treated with all sympathy, but as a pathology.


TV

Timbuktou:
Indeed. Unfortunately, most men don't know how to lead or that they should even do so or need to? Many try to do so too late into the relationship which leads to a lot of avoidable break ups and divorces. I wouldn't say bush/dullard women generally; I'd say uninformed like their non-leading male counterparts.

Word. Men let their desire to "please" women stop them - or make them forget - that they stil have to present as leaders. They also ignore, or are ignorant of womens natural tendency to control or manipulate - ontop a craving for "drama" . So you are rght, unheeded, these currents are a recipe for disaster.

Men need to be able to present as leaders, without being over-bearing, indulge without spoiling and heed what their women have to say without being manipulated. Then they have ot keep it exciting, without falling for the drama - all the while avoiding shit and fitness tests. It's a tough balancing act and hard to get it, and keep it right. Men sha, we are trying

I know someone whose default mode is to treat them harsh. While dating it always worked, as per dread now. With marriage it was slightly different as some element of dread is lost. (not least due to the laws & familiarity). As you relax into the marriage, it's easy to lose the edge and take your place for granted. Only women rearely stop testing and "dramatising"

Timbuktou:
I agree. The vast population sees the desolation the current climate fosters and are slowly waking up to finding a solution or bailing; speaking of bailing, that would be the action of choice of the passive population, wouldn't it?

There are too many to bail and too few actually have any options - the problem must be fixed at source. Although men at the top-end (rainmakers, entrepreneurs, etc, bailing woul dgive pause for thought)

Timbuktou:
"Gang wars"? Really? Wasn't aware such a phenomenon existed. Still, it seems the east is either trying to dominate or resisting cultural domination, and to do so in a distant foreign land is telling. TV, prepare to run back home . I have one half plot somewhere I could lend you

It wasn't gang wars per se, but Hindu vigilantes squaring off against Pakistani/muslim gangs who were trying to run their women. Th eoress made it sound like regular drug gang turf wars, it wasn't. The Hindus were cultural vigilantes, protecting their women. The Pakistani/Muslim "gangs" were using the women for prostitution and as part of their drug operations.

My wife can't stand the idea of living in Nigeria - the 2 or 3 years she spent there were horrendous for her. I'm hoping it won; tcome to that, but sensitising her to the idea gradually. If I were rich, we'd already be rocking both countries in style and it wouldn't be an issue See wtin money cause . Where is this land sef - the more villagey the better .


TV

Timbuktou:
This does sound good, on paper, but I tell you, my worst relationship experience was one in which I practised collaboration or maybe I was just beta at the time. Still, a system should account for all extremes, should it not? It would be perfect to incorporate a system beneficial to both alphas and betas or another imbalance(?) could occur? Not that I would want to revert to my less enlightened days, of course.

Unless one is married to a total dullard or bush-girl (I've nothing against either ), there will always be dialogue between a couple. Note, I did not relinquish leadership or authority, and I don't think it was ever meant to be totalitarian. A woman that can give meaningful input, but not one that tries to control or manipulatively get her way, woul dI consider be what most men want? The truth is, it's the default for most women to be led.

Timbuktou:
Who decides what that something else would be, certainly not government, its involvement in marriage has proven counter-productive and a total failure so far. I recently watched a clip on youtube where a US statistician claimed that if the disparity among black and white prison inmate population would be level/almost level if the black American community had their homes intact.

That's the whole bent of the culture wars - usually whichever ideology holds powere, holds sway. It's not necessarily about numbers. Five people just re-defined marriage for 250 million Americans? The vast majority of the populace are passive. Whatever obtains has to seriously hurt them or their future - and they have to see that - for them to reject whatever those in power force upon them.

Timbuktou:
Per the sexxual abuse claims against these muslim men, how do we know the claims are genuine? How do we know it's not these girls trying to retain what's left of the dignity/integrity by painting these men evil? I've become very sceptical about such claims. But the point stands, they are making inroads into positions of advantage in society. I wonder when the beast would strike.

I believe them. There is a real lack of morality around sex and no real parent power amongst the UKs indigenous population. That allied with a political correctness that is deferential to Islam and brown -skinned minorities made the conditions right - in of course conjunction with what Islam permits.

They first tried it on Hindus. Hindu men rose up - hard. There were running battles in parts of the UK. But it was reported as "gang wars". Hindu men won't stand for their girls to be violated - 'specially not by non-Hindus. It wasn't about race. "White culture" made their women vulnerable.


TV

pickabeau1:
Note this is not what I want but an extrapolation based on trends I am seeing

The price of Surrogacy is reducing.. also don't forget that you can use Asians/Africans thus making the birth mother gerographically impossible to track you down





It does really




This costs are reducing gradually
They will become assessable to non high networth people .. mark my words

Trusts were a big deal years ago but now it can be done online

Surrogacy is stil not optimal - no matter how cheap - even if they provide it for free. Not to say it can't become "normalised" sha.

It's not the accessibility of trusts - it's how many actually have the net worth to warrant one or truly benefit - we are mostly broke-azzez . And there is nothing stopping them from legislating for all assets, income or items of beneficial ownership being considered "marital goods"


TV

davimiles:
I commented on a friends picture,(i just said "your getting fat, don't overlook that"then I got the insult of my life

You lied. If the guy is your friend, he's already fat. If it's the girl, she is at best borderline "morbidly obese". You deserve the cuss'ing because
1. why are you not actively discriminating against such being your friends in the first place? , and 2. you do dress a bit "gay-azz "

Now elevate yourself some, and stop lowering the tone of our precious NL.


TV

pickabeau1:
I see no reversion

The horse has left the stable

The Marriage of the Future

- Protect your assets in shell corporations so you cant lose it
- Marry a decent woman you hope will not become a harridan and get a prenup while you are it
If you cant get one, make enough money to hire governesses and cohabit
- Break relationships before they become common law spouses
- Use surrogates so no woman can claim child support
- Since women want to fleece men dry, men have to change the game

Such a cold world

Good points, but the prevailing ideology is already moving to dismantle some of those protections;

1. The ethos literally "infects" women who are not seriously grounded with strong religious or cultural values around marriage. Even those that stay are often "disgruntled" and make for unhappy unions. Everything form of media works towards this.

2. I said, cohabitation still soon be based on anything determined a "substantive" relationship

3. Unless you are gay, judges will still tend to favour the surrogate - there can change there minds after inception you know?

4. It still fails the children, not being optimal for them - and in any event, once a child is involved, you are on the hook.

In some countries men are not allowed to demand paternity tests, so you can be forced to to take financial responsibility for a child that is not yours, and to whom you have no access. So at best it works for men who only care abou themselves. Men build civilisations, it's up to men to take them back.

Point 1 may have some merit sha. A good lawyer/tax expert may be able to wrap ones asets up in the kind of wrapper no one can touch. But that only applies to a minority of hign net worth men.

TV

Timbuktou:
@ 2Good, Pickabeau1 et TV01, do you think there could/would be a reversion to the old ways, which came bout as a means of holding society together,

In some ways, I don't believe there will be - or it's even possible/desirable to - fully revert to the "old ways". Hopefully it will be a "modified" reversion, with the worst excesses removed and an acceptance of some new realities. However, I still think the patently obvious biological and social imperatives should underpin whatever emerges.

So far example, while men will lead/head homes, it wil be more collaborative, more like a "cabinet affair". Which in truth is always like it was meant to be, not as some would understand or practice it as being totalitarian. Like a "benign" as opposed to an "abusive" patriarchy - but still patriarchy.

Timbuktou:
or do you think it's going to be an evolution into something else, glimpses of which we already see?

It can only evolve into something else, and be sustained, if the something else actually works - as opposed to being maintained by force. If it doesn't work it will be abandoned and if it's by force- against a majority - it wil be rebelled against.

We are seeing that now with gay rights, it is seeking to crush all dissent, heavily penalise and ostracise those who do not bow. There will inevitably be a backlash - with the result it could be even worse for gays than before.

Same with feminsim - men are turning heel. Womens gains will prove short-term at best (mere quick emotional gratification), and long-term, society will suffer. Women won't get what they truly want, neither will men and children will suffer.

Timbuktou:
If things never go back to the 'traditional' how does it affect our future and evolution as a species?

As above -but if it does not work and is not rebelled against, it will seriously raze - hurt their poulations, and founding structures - affected communities, and/or make them vulnerable to being taken over by others. ISIS are coming...nay they are already here.

A good example of this was/is the nationwide sexual abuse of young white women by muslim men of middle-eastern extraction in thr UK. Whatever one has to say about Islam as a religion - and there is a lot to be said - the "host" population was preyed upon because of it's weak, almost non-existent sexual morality.


TV

Ewuro4:
One undergone an extreme surgical procedure while other didnt.

I read the links. How can a child be diagnosed with "gender identity disorder" before he can even tie his shoe laces - so much so that by the age of 6...yes 6, he is appearing on talk shows as an expert. I have never seen/heard of a bigger parenting fail - total abdication.

Prepping him with hormones in advance of full-blown "re-assignment" surgery before puberty kicks-in, at which point it's much more difficult. When even 75% of adolescents who identify as gay, totally identify as straight by age 24. Ho much less a confused child of 2 or 3 - who can;t even have a real grasp od what sex and gender are.

dinachi:
Being male or female surpasses any sex reassignment surgery.

Absolutely right. It's a question of DNA - or is biological sex tro be considered a "construct" too?

Apart from a minute few - for whom we should have every sympathy - with incorrectly differentiated or developed sexual characteristics, this is basically a psychiatric issue (which until very recently gayism was also classified as). You don't help someone in that state by feeding and re-affirming the confusion.

pickabeau1:
There are gayish tendencies behind it
Transwomen mostly date men (basically a former man dating a current man)
If she still has a thing for women (its now a woman dating a current woman) - lezzie ish

It's all part of the same devilish confusion.


TV

Joromi1:
A 19-year-old is not yet mentally capable to handle a family of his own. If your cousin does it and succeeds, then he's just one out of a thousand. The probability for success is almost impossible. It's a silly, uncalculated risk that tends to flop

Au contraire - this is dependent largely on the family/culture in which one is raised. Even now in many - what may well be considered more primitive - societies, manhood rites are performed between the ages of 12 & 15. And marriage traditionally happened much earlier than currently obtains.

The extended adolescence practised in many societies these days - which in my opinion has no real benefit - is what makes one consider a 19 year old incapable. Not that I'm pushing for that - just saying that with the right cultural ethos or nurture, it ain't a thing.

Hence terms like kidults etc. With no real demand for any kind of grown up responsibility, or a sense of obligation - to others or the wider community. It's all about autonomy, feelings and selfish desire. And it doesn't prepare them for marriage, or more pertinently successful marriages - it's why there is such dissaray around the institution right now.

Opiosko:
I think it has to do with when one is matured enough to have a sense of responsibilty and having met the the right person. I married last yr 3weeks to my 25th birthday and a month after my NYSC and I'm really supper happy today. My mates who are not married are not doing better (some are even confused and frustrated about life).... Modesty will not allow me te reel out what i have so let me just say that I'm doing well and loving the man I'v grown into.

Thank you for your testimony sir, may it abound - even unto your generations.

And religion/faith has been touched on. I wonder if it would not be way more practical in terms of avoiding "defiling" the marriage bed if marriage was expected early. How easy will it be to keep oneself into their 30's - or are we talking "cultural Christinity" here?


TV

2good:
The traditional system you are looking for does not exist anymore. As long as you choose to live with a woman in the west (whether you import or met her there), be ready for the worst. The close to ideal world you are looking for can only be found if you live in a non western country. Option 2 and 4 might appear to be the only solution but also remember that you can be accused of rape in option 4 in which case you are also bleeped.

pickabeau1:
Now u have answered my q

That's why I said his option was not realistic

option 1 is what is causing issues for guys who come here to marry naija ladies who then become harridans due to the laws means

option 4 is also not the best really... nothing like a companion to bond with (not physically)

Its really tough nd its not the best for the kids

Cristiano Ronaldo got his kid via surrogate, dated and dumped his long term girlfriend, is dating another one now

No mother for the kid

If this method becomes more low cost and affordable for the middle class, normal people, then we are in trouble

Not the best for the kids

Feminism will have to be expunged, with a reversion to at least some elements of what used to be - even if modified somewhat. This will of course mean some changes to the law in hose countries that are "infected".

Feminsim does not care about children or men and in truth, long-term will not even benefit women. It may even be women that lead the charge for change. It may have to be, men are pretty powerless or in thrall to the "agenda". http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/lauren-southern-why-i-am-not-a-feminist/

They are still using useful fools to infect our women sha - http://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/06/opinions/nigeria-america-gay-marriage/


TV

pickabeau1:
lol

date and dump before 2nd anniversary of relationship?

This is not life


What of those who want to have kids?

Cohabitation laws and what is considered "common-law" or a "de-facto" relationship are fast changing. That they should be granted any form of legal status - apart from what the couple themselves both agree - is already a farce. Previously, they had to at least marry you and have a kid.

I envisage they continue to be tightened, to the degree that once a woman can prove a substantive relationship with a man, she will be able to make a "claim" against him in the event of a break-up. A few restaurant receipts, film ticket stubs, knowledge of your crib, your phone number sef .

In the near term, sharp men will continue to navigate this minefield, and perhaps even prosper if their aspirations are merely around "scoring" - a players market. Even then you'd have to be devoid of strong religious or cultural morés re relationships.

Long-term, it is unsustainable for either sex and deleterious for society as a whole. There are some options, but they are not fail-safe, have limited scope or are not suitable for all.

1. Marry women from countries or communities with a deeply engrained marriage culture. But we know how bringing women to the West can contaminate them with the feminsit ideology.

2. Live and marry in a country that hasn't legally codified this madness. Which rules out living in what we term "developed" nations

3. Go your own way - totally eschew relationships with women. Patently unworkable for most !

4. Make your interactions with women purley transactional; i.e. pay for sex and try and keep female friendships - if you need those - purely platonic. Sorrogates and paid carers for kids. Afterall, many relationships are pretty transactional in nature anyway.

Both 3 & 4 would be all but impossible for those with strong religious inclinations or with strong marriage cultures. If you want kids - and to be an active ever present part of their lives, and in conjunction with their biological mother, which is best for them, then you are at the mercy of these laws.

Marriage or children or evidence of a substantive relationship are all it will take - they've got men by the short and curlies in the West.You therefore have to, weigh up the risks and choose very wisely. The truth of the matter is, until the laws are changed, men there are playing against a stacked deck.

Me I went to God 0!


TV

tearoses:
My aim . .
Lose some weight and live healthy. I notice that is harder to burn now than years ago. I guess my body has learnt my antics and is resisting now.

For a better specified goal and outcome, you should have an idea of "how much" and "by when" for the weight. You also need to articulate what the term "healthy" means to you? It typically means more than just weight - but granted it may not mean more than that for your endeavour.

Metabolism sadly reduces with age - the only good news here is that it affects everyone !

tearoses:
What I want to know is an example diet that is varied, it works, is filling and its healthy . . .but will also result in weight loss

Mine works for me, but my goals are different to yours - I want exactly the same things, but weight loss is not my primary reason. So you have to devise a plan for you.

tearoses:
Funny enough I only really eat okele when I am in Nigeria
I havent eaten pounded yam or its siblings for months.
My undoing is Jollof or fried rice, white rice and ayamase, meatpies and magnum ice cream Bad, bad, bad!!!

Not necessarily bad at all - it's how large a part and how frequently they appear in your diet. They don't have to be totally eliminated, just moderated. I personally don't consider the first 3 bad sef. And I have magnums in my fridge. And I devour meat pies when I'm in Nigeria, The meat has an authentic taste I really like.

Having said that, you must exercise discipline. And once you get into a groove, the benefits and results usually enhance motivation and even diminsh desire for allowable treats. I brught those magnums a while ago and just never got round to eating them - I'm sure wifey has been there ! Dark chocolate - 70%+ cocao - is also good for you (but an aquired taste).

tearoses:
My collegues are also very bad influences and with people coming back from holidays and dunkin donut birthdays almost every day its a constant battle.

Work tactically - simply abstain, make excuses, lament the timing, indulge very occassionally, take a few bites and discard, claim fullness and take a 1/2 or 1/4 portion, offer to share with someone like-minded - I am not acepting this as any kind of excuse - Bad Cop Coach

tearoses:
Anyway back to biz
Breakfast is low fat yoghurt, prunes, granola and grapes and coffee. . . . Is this good or bad? I used to put a drizzle of honey on it, but ive stopped.

Generically, it's not a question of good or bad, like I said earlier.
Particularly, it looks fine. The coffeee I would question, does not cause weight gain - i.e. does not affect your goal - as far as I am aware?
Honey is biblical ! And quality honey really good for you. Honey is the only food that does not go off.

tearoses:
Like I said, rice is my undoing and I love rice to bits and Lunch/dinner depending on how hungry I am, is usually jollof rice/fried rice/plain rice and beef/fish/turkey/chicken/aya mase and sometimes with salad/coleslaw (homemade) . . .bad . .I know LOL

As before

tearoses:
What kind of coaching are you working on? fitness trainer/dietician/stylist/mental ?

Pure "Coaching" as an intervention (like counselling, consulting etc.), which is about helping people articulate and achieve goals. In practice, I'll probably add in a bit of consulting. I aim to specialise in relationships - na NL inspire me - and now of course health, diet and fitness

tearoses:
Whats better? diet fizzy drinks e.g sprite Zero or orange juice?

Prolly water . Juices - fsh pressed, not reconstituted - are good. I'd avoid fizzy drinks. Funnily enough I like sprite and there are two bottles in the fridge eying me up - and I'd have it proper, no zero nonsense.

tearoses:
Which of our foods are low in carbs apart from beans?

I don't think it's about "low carbs", more a separation of carbs from proteins and then high and low GI carbs. Veg could be considered generally low carb, but I take it you are thinking of the "main foods"?

tearoses:
Should we continue here or should we open a thread. I dont want to be kicked out of the boys room

Whatever suits - this is not oout of scope for this thread.

tearoses:
Thank you

P.s do you have a dansiki to match your abeti aja
one wedding like that, oga sewed dansiki with his aso ebi
It was hilarious

No problemo. If I were posting from home I'd post a pic.


TV

manie:
Unfortunately all things are not equal for most people in Nigeria and there is a lot of uncertainty.

Which is why I said "ATBE".

I agree that financial stability is ideal, but circumstances can change and challenges come whatever the age of the couple or length of the union. Then it's the maturity & commitment of the couple that comes to the fore.

Considering things objectively - and ATBE - I consider younger marriage to have more advantages and confer the couple with more leeway. I haven't yet heard anything to make me think differently.


TV

Ewuro4:
Aww same here , the allergy is going round the globe now , was telling my collegues how dusty my home country is yet we don't have sick kids like we do here.may God help our little ones esp.

Thanks for the reply, your points are clearly aligned with OP's reasons (early Birthing & women Fertility clock) which are though reasonable but not compulsory because everything is now achieveable with convenience & cash in hand. It all boils down to individual preference. My neighbour (east Indian) married in her
early twenties after college and started her Nursing Practice but surprisingly they mutually chose not to expand their family till date. They both seem very happy.

Honestly, I'll pick your last two points over the first 6 100times Raising family and struggling to make ends meet is no child's play especially when you have specific taste of lifestyle.

Have a great weekend . It's a beautiful warm & breezy day here.

It was lovely here. Real relaxing with lots of zeds and some hard gym sessions - my favourite type . Hope yours was good. Please go easy on Jesús and his mates this morning, I know you mad at 'em

I see your point -and it's actually closer to my own experience - but considering it objectively. I still believe tieing the knot earlier just gives a couple more scope.

I think many societies are losing the strong "marriage cultures" that helped them flourish. We call it "early" as people tend to mature and take responsibility later these days, it wasn't like that in the past. People are also more self-seeking and the sacrifice of marriage and children isn't embraced like it was.


TV

tearoses:
Do you know I was rubbing my laptop screen to get rid of the dot. I thought it was a speck
I said to myself not in 1000 years can TV write Yoruba.
I still think its a speck of dust on my screen. I need to get my screen wipes

Finally Finally Finally someone who understands what Im talking about
If you see the look oga gave me this morning when I said omelette and Porridge dont go

I lost 6 pounds in 5 days on Egg and bacon & tomato breakfasts, chicken/beef/prawn/fish/salad lunch and barbeque chicken and salad/veg dinners - No rice and no bread

Thanks for the owambe tip . . .Ive been wondering about that

5 days of water/sparkling water only. . . No coffee, no tea, no juice, no fizzy drinks . . . . The No coffee was the hardest, especially being a costa and douwe egberts fan

If you do have some spare time, do you mind writing me a few days menu . . .for a consultancy fee?

Do you also mind if I ask you more questions on this topic.

Thanks TV

A mi baale - if you see me in my abeti aja get-up

Thinking about it, I'm quite restricted in my liquid intake - lots a water, that's a given then mostly juice, with a bit of herbal tea. No alcohol - never and ever - but I indulge with purdeys, malt and sometimes lemonade. I fear coffee, hear it gives you a great boost - it's a stimulant - but I don't want to be addicted.

No fee required. I'm actually taking coaching qualifications with the aim of setting up my own practice, although the actual practice will be more than just coaching, so this will help me too.

For a dietary menu, I don't think it will be as straight forward as just being prescriptive - coaches never do that . I don't know what the desired end result is, or what you are currently doing, or how far you are prepared to go.

So far example, I've just started taking brekkie more seriously after years of skipping it. I'll have one boiled plantain with pepper stew, or Ill have a portion of black eye beans, or a few slices of toast. And very rarely now, I may have cereal and milk.

But I typically have a smallish breakfast as I also have a smoothie. Would that kind of regime work for you? What do you do now? How big a change would that be, would it be an improvement?

I believe I've mentioned my "weeklysalad container" previously, and I've touched on supper; it's typically salad with one of the following; salmon - wet or smoked - tuna (steak, not canned), trout, haddock, red bream, mackerel or chicken. Wifey loves her rice and does mean roast potatoes, so sometimes I'll have a few tatties or a small side of rice. But not very often

I know you are trying to obviate the boring and incorporate full-on okelé ! Perhaps think about having a rule, 70:30, 80:20 etc. which will allow you to indulge, without robbing you off benefits.

I think you'll find that if you stick with it, you'll become accustomed to it and your tastes will change. Some of the cravings disappear and when you indulge others, you'll wonder why

As for questions, fire away.


TV

tearoses:
Im good ooooo
How are you and the family
Happy British Weather

I just wanted some advise
Im on a low carb diet/no mixing diet but getting fed up of it now
Im a certified Naija bush woman - How can I eat jollof rice without chicken and how can I eat chicken without jollof rice
Can you give me some tips on some combinations please
In fairness its working, but somehow I dont see it as sustainable long term
Ive been having evening garden barbeques with salad . . .but I am getting bored.
Ive also drank only water for 5 days stretch . . .i need a pat on the back for that o!
Im not sure ive ever acheived that in my life
Thanks TV

. . .and coogar alias oko mary you can chip in too pls

bellong you too o! but dont give me that your soup diet. I no sick

This sweltering sun + the attendant hayfever - never thought I would complain about sunshine
Funny we never experience hayfever in Europe - even with sweltering sun. Somebody please explain this

The "no mixing" sounds like the old "Food Combining" to me? Which is oddly named as you actually separate carbs and proteins. First came across it ages ago, tried it and lost 7 pounds. I wasn't even planning to lose weight, I was told it helped with gas and pimples !

But seriously the weight came right off. I still practice it to this day. It's why you always hear of my salad + chicken/fish suppers. Some people find it boring/limited as it typically means veg and/or salad with either a protein or carb dish.

I've heard claims that the weight loss - even if only in part - is due to the restrictive nature? Not sure that many will care about that if it works !

Seems you are finding it boring/limited, and there is no real remedy for that. You could do it "in part". So my breakfast is always simple and my supper combined as before, but for lunch I'll have whatever takes my fancy.

What I do at Owambes is to have two separate meals. So I'll have say rice + moin moin, then a while later have some chicken and/or fish. But I'm happy to forego food that doesn't meet my standards or just have the one, but possibly a larger portion.

I don't find it boring and could eat decent fish, chicken - and occasionally meat - for days. It's my go to meal so obviously great for BBQ's.

Some people question how some items - i.e. - beans combines. But to me beans and dodo qualifies - but no meat 0! I count diary - including milk & eggs as protein. But I still have the occasional cheese or egg sarnie.

The low carb diet - aka Atkins - is actually satisfied by the protein combining. I liking that more these days as I find I have more energy and recover from workouts better - especially since I don't do protein drinks or supplements.

It was a hangover from my boxing days where it was all about making weight, leading me to avoid meat somewhat - now I'm not so sure protein causes weight gain more than carbs?

Well done on the 5 days of water. Was that a water fast or 5 days where you eschewed any liquid - i.e. your normal stout and gulder - than water? Either way good effort

Porridge with coconut milk, raisins and banana for brekkie, egg or cheese sandwich (I love artisan bread and get a fresh loaf on Saturday mornings) + smoothie for lunch and then salad and fish for supper.

Ekú weekend!

TV

PreciousBro:
Ooh Sorry mehn, but I'm only responsible for what I say not how you interpret it

No worries 'Bro But going by what you wrote below, I think I read you exactly right.

PreciousBro:
That power struggle was just me painting a bad scenario in a situation where things get sour to the detriment of the marriage or what not. Because we can't deny the fact that these things do happen, it wasn't me indicating that the man should instigate such happenings just for a test of his woman's ability to submit. Nah

I believe a man should remain calm and mature in all situations - never give leave to emotion. Although I can see that in real life things could get tense.

PreciousBro:
My post also didn't indicate that the pre-requisite to a successful marriage is intelligence based,nor any vain criteria, however, I do note that intelligence in it self is a number in the content of maturity.

No real qualms here either.

Is it pure intelligence as in ones IQ or how smarty/savvy one is. Is it expertise or knowledge in a particular area? To me intelligence is way over-rated. Especially the way women seem to prioritise it. Its more the kind of thing a woman will feel she must say she desires or is important - no matter how intelligent she herself is. Usually when they engage men they want to be entertained and feted, not discuss particle dynamics


TV

Ewuro4:
Hi TV long time, how's family and work?

@bold , Care to develop that into examples (in simple terms too, I'm working so can't really browse synonyms )

Holá J, we dey 0, thanks for asking. Just hayfever dey worry us one kind, but it's easing somewhat. How far with the loved ones?

To start, I said all things being equal. So assuming there are no questions of readiness or maturity - which are not necessarily age-dependent anyway.

1. It gives you more leeway in terms of when you start a family - older couples are under more pressure to have children soon. Giving you less time to simply enjoy each other without parenting cares.

2. It actually gives you more scope in the actual size of your family. The younger you marry, the more you are able to have - if you so desire. One of my cousins has six - only because he married at 24 to someone a bit younger. It's unlikely if you marry later.

3. If also forestalls/reduces the risk of fertility issues, and gives more time to deal with them if they do arise.

4. A big one for me is it matures men quick-time. Makes them more focused and responsible - studies show that married men tend to earn more. A marriage dividend so to speak.

5. More energy and time with and for your kids. Before and after they are grown. Which gives you your time together back when you are still a relatively young couple.

6. More likely to have the generation before you around to help, support and advise - and for longer.

I do see some potential benefits in marrying older, but in sum, I don't see them outweighing the advantages of doing it younger.

1. Probably more settled and possibly wealthier
2. Possibly more appreciative and ready to devote time to family and embrace "family man" things

What are your thoughts?


TV