₦airaland Forum

alutacontinua: You know I seriously stay away from arguments and epistles on NL but one out of one million times, there are lessons to learn on here. And the few times you see me say something serious, it's not me tryna show how much debating skills I possess or how insulting I can be, it's just me tryna learn something.

So, you can quit taking shots and let us discuss....can you?

Okay then sis bro...what are we discussing?


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alutacontinua: I disagree!
There are churches and there are CHURCHES! I'll rather stay at home than go to a church I ain't comfortable with. If I have to travel miles to feel alive in a church, then, SO BE IT!

Few months ago, I had to travel down to Nigeria and a few other places, I just couldn't deal with all the churches I attended throughout those months. There was a particular Sunday I was this close to going back home mid-service, and this was even the same denomination with my church!

Sometimes, it takes the good girl (scratch that, boy) in me to not start criticizing and analyzing some Pastors while they're preaching, I definitely won't go back to such a place.

Why won't you disagree - when you are still grappling with your own biological sex !

And why aren't I surprised that you equate church with "pulpit-led" preaching. And talk like it's about the preacher not the person of Christ?

One - infinitesimally brief - encounter with the Risen Lord, and all the preaching of men will be so much ringing in your ears and their words like dried termite mound.

Free me and I'll free you, I have not the inclination and you do not possess the grasp!

Church - it's not where you go, it's who you are.


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freshdude2: The weekly sojourn to Otta is excruciating, to say the least. People spend 6, 7, 8 hours to and from church, I kid you not. So, they have to be up at say 3, 4 am to get to church by 6, 7am. Gpoing back home could take between 2 to 5 to 6 hours. Insane.

Ah!

To be honest, I'm not the most clued-up person about the geography of the SW - although I do know that Ota is in Ogun State - but whatever the distance, up to 8 hours I really don't understand that. And on a day that actually signifies rest?


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It must be tragic and heart-rending to lose ones firstborn/only child in such circumstances and almost lose your wife, who, in any event is seriously injured. And I can’t even begin to imagine what’s going through the wife' mind at this time?

I’m hoping this is mostly part of the husbands grieving process and not a position he will maintain indefinitely. If they weren’t rock solid before – and it doesn’t sound like they were – this could end badly.


Husband & Wife:
From a Christian point of view, I always stress the need for husbands and wives to be in mutual accord and to strive to overcome anything that mitigates against it – and it’s usually selfish desire, pride or stubbornness that does!

The wife should have acceded to her husbands request. The more so, in that he wasn’t forbidding her from actually going to church.

I know of an instance where the wife was “doing something in her village” – unknown to the husband. As in this case, she suffered a serious injury in a car crash, at which point everything unraveled.

The lady is still wheelchair-bound till today. The marriage? Long over and the husband has moved on. Two children keep them "tied", but the relationship is fractious. It’s so sad.

Please, please, please, spouses, stand united. It brings benefits. I actually believe God blesses committed marriages of those who don’t even seek Him. Again I plead with you on this, agree as one.

Church:
Biblically, church was always local. As such it is community. I have never understood this "journeying to worship" – one of the very things that Christ died to release us from.

People leave one part of London and travel considerable distances due to feeling at home or loved in a particular church or to be fed by a particular pastor. The Sunday-Sunday pilgrimage of black peeps across London- and I suspect elsewhere - is akin to the migration of the wildebeest.

It effectively ghettoises the church and means very few actually make or leave a Christian imprint in their local communities. Churchianity aka organised religion. To what end?

I hope they come through this as a couple.

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As a goal it is laudable - and if done well a worthwhile achievement and highly commendable.. It has great significance and meaning, and, and is deeply enriching to the couple their families, any offspring and wider society.

A good marriage is a success in it's own right and overall can only enhance and deepen success in other areas of life.

AfricanApple: normally no
with Nigerian mentality yes

Any reasons as to why not?
Or can anyone tellus how a good marriage detracts from lifes joy or indeed hinders success in other areras of life?


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mojeer678: Yes o! oyb is right. Apparently, you haven't heard of stories such like this:

Nasty. Parents must be vigilent.

Funny how anyone could think that women don't have an at least equal capacity for abuse and violence. Not only do they have a greater capacity, they are more readily able to rationalise and justify it.

Afterall, isn't it women arguing for the unilateral right to terminate the lives of their unborn children at any point time and for any reason? "Ethicists" have even gone one further and advanced the argument to include "legal infanticide" - termination of a newborn/infant that is solely dependant on them.


Abeg, all this talk of women being more sensitive, faithful, gentle spiritual etc. etc. is tosh. They are just as given to the baser aspects of the human nature as men.


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damiso: Can I ask you also what of male neo-natal nurses? I know parents are often around a lot with preterm babies but the parents do go home sometimes and some pre-term babies can be in hospital for up to a year. Would you take the child out if as you were leaving your 6 month old baby one night a male neo-natal nurse signed in for a night shift?

Excellent question Damiso!

Was there an answer to this by any chance? I couldn’t find it…


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soonest: If una never mention feminism,una no go sleep well for night.smh

vikel2104: Seriously, the thing don tire me. I mean, don't they ever get tired of the subject? See how they've invaded this thread It must be an obsession.

The first person to touch on feminism in this thread was BananaBender - a woman. Strange that the comments above were only made after posts in response - by men?

The more seasoned posters know to overlook, avoid or ignore, if/when they think people are being disagreeable.

Apologies if that was meant for Bananabender


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coogar: nah, they will just choose which side of the coin suits them. feminism has gone too far now, it can't be slayed for the foreseeable future.

It's dying I tell ya. Didn't you see how they had young Emma Watson stylishly redefine it to mean humanism/equal rights (disastrous makeover and attempt to attract a new generation ). The desperate flailing of a redundant and irrelevant (and quite franly dangerous) movement.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.


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vikel2104: There are two questions on this topic. Everyone seem to be focusing on the second. I'll ask again, for the guys, would you take up a job as a nursery teacher? Why? Why not?

I certainly have the temperament, patience and requisite love for children (not the "concerning" type 0! ), but I wouldn't for a whole host of reasons.

Abuse is horrifying and every care must be taken, but the risks are still relatively small. Just as big a problem is the indoctrinisation via the curricula that is being introduced.

Happy and rewarding parenting all.


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^{**there is one in my sons nursery and I appreciate his presence for all the reasons Carefreewannabe mentioned. Not sure if he "cleans", but I couldn't care less, as I do, and as long as it's done. I check my son over daily and I am sensitive to his moods**}

carefreewannabe: I think that it is important that there are male nursery school teachers, too.
It is best for children to be surrounded by both, male and female, role models.

Boys may need male roles even more than girls do.

The argument that a male teacher should not touch a girl's private parts can be turned around and we must then ask ourselves if female teachers should touch the boys' private parts.

Why is it ok for women to touch boys but not the other way round?
And are female teachers always the better guardians?

My solution is this:

A nursery school should have both, male and female teachers.
In some particular situations, the female teachers can take care of the girls and the male teachers of the boys.

Very well said. Nothing to add. The reasons why are clearly articulated and the solution to any potential concerns detailed.

For those who concern is around men touching female babies/toddlers, do you ensure your husbands/partners/baby fathers or male relatives are barred from from this as well?

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^{I love the way it's evident that it's women that will finally slay the beast called feminism !}

coogar: the world would pass you by if you continue to hold rigidly to these traditional norms. things have changed drastically. in this day & age where married couples willingly invite a 3rd party to their bedroom for the fun of it, you are still thinking polygamy is flawed? that opinion is so 1934.

Truth dates? Polygamy is not fit for purpose. Never has been.Why are the Israelis and Arabs involved in perpetual conflict?

coogar: look around you, women have made giant strides over the last 50 years. the stats are grim. more women have college degrees than men. matter of fact, the only category you would find more men than women is in the prison system - otherwise, women outnumber men in any age group after childhood.

Please evidence this. It's patently false.
Son preference in places like China and India mean that globally men outnumber women.

coogar: this disproportion puts women at a big disadvantage. they have fewer choices of a marital partner than the men. should a woman then marry down because she's got a tiny pool of marital partners to choose from or she shouldn't marry at all because all her male counterparts with the same college degrees have been taken? or perhaps you prefer her to engage homosëxuality?

As above.
Additionally, even if the factors you mention are valid - to anything other than a tiny degree - the problem is not one of numbers, but socio-economic class. In which case, women can learn to marry down - or out - as men have been doing for centuries .

coogar: who's going to marry all these female graduates that abound everywhere you look since men seem to have stopped pulling their weights? it won't be long now - polygamy would be made legal starting from the US & the UK. the available eligible men cannot simply go round and something would have to give in on the long run.

Lots of butchers, road-sweepers, shelf-stackers, conductors etc. Equality is with us, you are the one that's dated - Carefreewannabe PM'ed to advise me that she has her eye on one bellboy like this. Works for a very prestigious hotel...and he's name is Lee-Hwang . Alutacontinua - our resident thought-leader and world-changing, high-achiever has expressed interest in a mini-cab controller from Peckham. To save costs, I'm Mc'ing free at both receptions !

coogar: as it is today, a woman has 3 choices....

•hope there is a good single man available
•steal another woman's husband
•settle for polygamy

the last option is the most feasible out of the three.

Notice how you qualified polygamy with "settle"? ATBE it's a distant second . If we get to a ratio of 7 adult women to every male, it may prove temporary respite. It will not however change the fact that the best men will corral the finest women. Poor men and unfine women will suffer whatever the ratio or model .


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coogar: i strongly disagree with this bit. no marriage system is flawed if the people in it practise mutual respect. the chaos in polygamy is also present in monogamy if not more........

Polygamy is structurally flawed. A structurally flawed model will always produce sub-optimal returns.

Monogamy is the perfect vehicle for human pair-bonding and the resultant offspring, All that is required in a marriage are a male & a female. The addition of an extra person - of either sex does not enhance it, and at the same time introduces problems.

Structural deficiencies:
It inherently considers womens agency, needs, desires and worth as secondary to mens. No gainsaying.

It also means less relative attention and resource for each child.

Practical problems:
For starters, the womans emotional & physical needs are now secondary to the mans. And the more wives, the less likely those needs are to be satisfied. Men are relatively more physical and women emotional. The man gets a super-abundance of his needs and the women a vastly diminished experience. It is also psychologically traumatic for the women, especially the first wife - evidence OP.

Unhealthy rivalry amongst the wives is quite endemic and this is usually transferred to the children and often outlives the man. Abuse of children is also more likely - byco=wives and step-siblings.

Societal issues:
The natural birthrate is about 105/100 boys to girls. In a flourishing well ordered soceity it simply doesn't work. It would create imbalance. Without the incentive of a wife and family, young men tend to become "feral" and do not produce at high levels? Why would they?

Even where it is permitted it always remains a minority model.

Scrutinised closer one will see many other insidious outworkings of this practice. Feel free to solicit real life testimonies form Landers. Bellong 0!

Monogamy works is practiced properly. ATBE, there is nothing edifying about polygamy - it's a wandering todger scam.


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tintingz: Whether they dream o or they didn't dream, some women still accept polygamy marriage proposal.

https://www.i4m.com/think/photos/sister-wives.jpg

https://www.i4m.com/think/photos/FLDS-polygamy.jpg

https://www.i4m.com/think/photos/polygamy_big_love_hbo.jpg

Why do these women "choose" polygamy. TV I'm now using choose

As previously stated, the chose to accept. Granted. Why? For a number of possible reasons. The questions should be;

- Was it their preferred arrangement
- Are they satisfied
- With hindsight, would they do it again if given the chance or opt for monogamy

That is how to converse, not with unthinking assertions. I may well say things like they ar old, ugly and fat - being the reason for their choices. Or claim they don't look that happy - although the men all look quite smug -but I'll speak factually or by clear observation.

So pictures aside, what's the story behind these?


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Godmystrength: Minus the bre@sts, He/She still looks like a man IMO. Did he still keep his instrument @picture 1 #see her crotch region?

Totally agree.In the 3rd picture he looks like an out and out drag queen...bi-curious, queer, transgender, transvestite....whatever....!

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tintingz: The fact still remains that wife second, third, forth prefer to marry a man with a wife already.

That is not a fact - its a mere assertion.

What you can state is that "wife second, third, forth choose to marry a man with wife already". The choice is not necessarily a preference - and more likely a percieved neccessity.

How true can it be to say that most women - of any culture or background - grow up dreaming & planning to be one of many wives?


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cococandy: You're deliberatly not getting me.
I know.
If their acting out affects the next person,is still ok then?
Whatever they do as long as it doesn't affect the next person negatively,I don't care.
But when it does,then they have to answer for it.

At some point you'll have to take a stance either way.
That it's normal and to be celebrated is now being embedded in school curricula.

In my son's nursery, there were pictures of all kinds of "diverse families" and lots of meme of equality and inclusion.
At 12 months old? I had to move my pup to a "Christian nursery"

By the time they hit grade school they are introducing full-on sexuality - in all it's diverse glory. I wan tht esole responsibility to introducing my children to ssex and ssexuality. So what happens if we can't afford independent education or don't want our children educated far away?

Live and let live may be diplomatic, but it's not practical. They won't leave it until you celebrate it.


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Shirley07: Before or after the MMA were aware she was a man? That's where your logic is flawed.
Also, competitor should be informed about their opponent before they stepped into the ring. I'm quite sure the MMA will have a review of the whole thing after the incidence.

cococandy: @ pickabeau,going by this thread alone,it wasn t indicated that his opponet knew BEFORE the fight.
Unless there's another article explaining that.
Even then,if she knew it before hand,her accepting to fight would be because of the misleading conclusion that a transgender man is a woman through and through.
I guess now she knows better.

Long short is that she was MMA board licenced to compete as a woman. That satisfies. Legally it's no ones business that she used to be a he. And contrary thought or utterances will be classified as bigotry.

Any born female competitor who refuses to face a trans oponent wil be labelled hateful and bigoted. Any board that tries to make the distinction - i.e. discriminate - will be targetted and lobbied against.

It's here already


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cococandy: Yes anyone can do what they want with their bodies. Who says I've to be ok with it?
Recognizing that I don't have a say in what anyone wants to do with their body makes it easier for me to deal with seeing such things happen.

I don't consider gender and sex to be different. I only said I recognize that some people do.
For me being born in a male body or female body makes one inherently so.
But I recognize the fact that there's a different school of thought.

I don't have opinions about transgender folks.I don't understand how someone born female will think she's male inside.so I can't have an opinion on something I don't know how it feels.
But I respect their feelings and will regard them the way they want to be regarded.

Only that I'm not gay. So if a man who used to be woman decieves me into a relationship,I'll be mighty pissed. Or woman who used to be man comes to compete with me in a fight,I'll see it as deceptive.

And a stance that is true to conservative instincts mixed with liberal values. Deftly worded.

The problem is that those of us who don't agree with such - transgender competing, "gay marriage" etc. - will be labelled bigots and forced to endorse and support it.

So for example a baker will have to bake cakes celebrating SSM and a photographer forced to cover "gay weddings". Your position is workable as a "live and let live" proposition, but that is not enough fo rthese lbbies. You have to endorse, if not outright celebrate.


I do like a fit chick sha!


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This kind of gender based confusion is not new. Google Chloie Jonnson, a Crossfit athlete who sued for not being allowed to compete as a woman.

It's just odd, confusing and frankly a little bit sick. And I speak as one who really appreciates fit - as in athlectic, sporty - women.



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Morning Pickabeau....errr which of the [s]two men in the picture used to be a woman[/s]? Sorry two women used to be a man !

I have confuse!


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yeyenatu: Which is? You'd have to pinpoint it. So I can really get it.

You can't comprehend. Your whole arguement is not even about marriage, it's about how a woman responds to a mans unfettered lust within it.

yeyenatu: issues are abound in every marriage, oga Ade.

Practically maybe, but in monogamy, it's not by design, not in principle and not as standard.

yeyenatu: equality is in the mind oooo. If she doesn't fee equal to him, he'd walk all over her regardless of the kind of marriage they are in.

By definition, if a man has 2 or more wives, none of them can have worth equal to his.

yeyenatu: There are children of monogamous homes that are way twisted than the kids from polygamous homes. Depends on how they are brought up by their parents. #parents# not the marriage per se.

And your assertion does not change the structural deficiencies in polygamy.

yeyenatu: So a father can't give love to his child because he has two wives? Or a father showers TLC on his wife and child only because he is in a monogamous marriage.

Men typically love their offspring regardles. That is not in question. Their ability to do so unrestrained with multiple wives is.

yeyenatu: Fa fa foul!!!! I'm the love of my father's life ooo! In fact, we all are!!! I'm from a polygamous home, I don't have any regret having a step mum. She is awesome, to us and to her 'iyale'. Why? Upbringing! There brats brought up in some monogamous homes that shouldn't even be married sef. Jst saying#

You don;t make a case for polygamy by trashing others practice of monogamy. Emotive, assertive, but not of the required level. Peole here are somewhat discerning

yeyenatu: none is superior. Superiority shouldn't even come into play here ni. Se finis!!

Au contraire - monogamy clearly is - as demonstrated. You couldn't even extol the virtues of polygamy, you went straight to formulating responses to a man with an itch in his pants. You are both subject to his lustful nature.

yeyenatu: hmmmmm... now back to gender equality again. Religion allows it, so he has a choice to do it. She can leave the religion if it doesn't suit her life choices. And admiring other people? That's why I mentioned that 'people' are the one with the issh.

As stated, that something as allowed by religion or by law, does not make it sound. And I've clearly stated that I'm not having that discussion.

yeyenatu: I'm not going to go into gender equality issh here. There is a religion that's allows more than one wife and there is one that doesn't. If you want to choose your faith because of your view on marital isshs, go for it!!!

No bender politics either. Just the structure of both models.

yeyenatu: Niqqa pls!!!!! That's just you saying women are inferior, got nothing to do with the issue of marriage or its types.

Nope, polygamy by definition makes women inferior. In agency, in need and in worth. It's a little sad that a woman would actually argue for it.

yeyenatu: I say what I wanna say. If it's agreeable to people? Jolly good. It can also be frowned at by others. But it's my opinion. Not saying it to dîkk ride. Are you?

Nope, just objectively showing why it's a bad all round deal. Not good for men, women or the flourishing of society and not widely taken up even where it is legal. No country in the world has a majority of polygamous marriage. Flawed by design and even against nature given a natural birthrate of around 105 boys to 100 girls


I have made my points in this discussion without recourse to religion or even morality. I have merely parsed the structural outworking of polygamy, and where needed, in contrast to monogamy.

Someone for polygamy earlier stated that "all men are cheaters". It's that kind of thinking you need to sell to yourself to whole-heartedly accept polygamy. I thank God that I stand in direct testimony against that statement and that type of thinking.

I'm beginning to loop and neither YYN - who made a spirited but ultimately substanceless effort - nor her phantom constituency have made anything but assertions.

I'm here if you have anything new and relevent to share.

Best
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tintingz: Ofcos widows can marry single people, but in Nigeria men prefer fresh single ladies.

As obtains everywhere. Likewise for baby mamas. So what's your point? Does polygamy restrict multiple wives to the widowed or baby mamas? Do the vast majority of multiple wives have that status prior to marriage?

tintingz: In many polygamy marriages wives don't live under same roof, things have change in these new age.

So a wife and children do not have immediate access to the husband. He is not constantly interacting with his spouse and children?
When jnr falls ill, the father may be busy elsewhere? Or at critical periods in a wife or childs life, he will not be able to devote his full attention to them. Another flaw of polygamy

tintingz: and what her the reason to marry?

Best ask OP.

But it's certain that most multiple wives are not due to being widows, baby mamas or older singles

tintingz: some women who ran to men as second wife did for security, wealth etc you will see them with chiefs. .

I'm not denying it as a choice, I'm not even parsing it morally, merely showing that structurally polygamy is flawed.

tintingz: Please, can you state why women in polygamy marriage prefer the marriage than monogamy, why will a woman agree to be a second, third, forth wife of a man.

I can think of a number of reasons. Why not invite them to say? I'd say some are are due to the reasons you mentioned, but many out of greed or desperation. And why do you assume women in polygamy prefer polygamy? It's probably needs and situation driven. And please poll 1st wives and ask them if they prefer polygamy. I'd wager that even those 1st wives who accept it, would not prefer it.


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yeyenatu: One: I don't know which point you are referring to. The one you want me to see or the one there is to see.

The obvious one you are in denial about.

yeyenatu: Two: superior in what ways? From what point of view? Monogamy means one man-one wife, right? Yeah... why not?! its fun, you can be carefree and relaxed and not bother as you are now the 'mrs'.!

Monogamy is superior simply because it gives equal agency to both partners and provides the ideal setting to meet their individual needs and requirements of their children. Polygamy does not enhance it in any way and introduces a slew of issues and potential problems.

Alternatively you can simply explain why monogamy is not superior or why polygamy is superior, instead of asserting it's just as good and merely a choice - like attending OAU or Harvard. Apologies to OAU'ites !

yeyenatu: But it doesn't make it better than the guys who thinks they found love somewhere else but would rather bring her home for his wife to accept or not accept, than abhor lustful thoughts every single period of oneness being shared. Nothing makes monogamy superior than polygamy. Each has its pros and cons. And choices, he takes her or he doesn't. She stays or she doesn't. Choices.

How glaring? And yet the girl who finds romance with someone else is not simply free to introduce fyneflyguy to the marital home? All you've done here is state that polygamy is about mens desires - as I've maintained all along.

yeyenatu: No one whose region doesn't allow it/explain it, should indulge in it. A wife married into a certain religion whose teachings give room to it shouldn't really cry foul. Should just hope for respect and understanding of her feelings by her man. Communication! Communication!!

I fully appreciate that some people, cultures, or religions practice it and that some jurisdictions have legalised it. Neither am I being prescriptive about it - merely descriptive. As you yourself have outlined, monogamy is superior - starting with it's fairness and equally valuing both parties.

yeyenatu: Third: choices!!! We all have moments of sadness. It's not every time we have that "oh alalah' kind of feelings. Acceptance just makes things a lot easier in such situations. Human are general ever satisfied.

Emotive and funny. In polygamy, the real choices are with the man. The womans choice is whether to accept the mans choice - which is no choice really.

yeyenatu: Four: a woman that has issues with her complex, regardless of the kind of marriage she is in, would still have issues. Inferior?! Really?! She is a being that has every right to do what makes her happy. Even if its leaving a marriage that is going to involve other people. I'm fabulous and firm. In whatever type of marriage, I WILL shine! It's a decision and a choice.

And polygamy introduces complexes for women by it's very design. But of course, a "multiple" wife has to form differently or face the truth of her situation.

yeyenatu: Fantasy marriage? Well, I don't give a rat's... about what men think of it. to each his own.

The most laughable part of all, polygamy is exactly that - all about what the men think !

All very emotive but with no real substance. And the people affirming your posts well know this - so don't comment.

And way to argue that men and their desires have primacy over women and their needs.


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yeyenatu: All are flawed. What makes monogamy sound in principle? The oneness of the spouse? Even when he has several others that are sharing his heart and attention and love even. But only one owning his 'name'. That makes it better than several 'Mrs'.

Again, you either miss or ignore the point;

If a man in a monogamous marriage has several others sharing his heart or bed he is breaching monogamy by definition - he is actually being polygamous - that is bad practice, nothing to do with the principle of monogamy per se. Monogamy in principle is far superior to polygamy.

yeyenatu: Practicably, all have issues and its because we as individuals have issues. not the choices of marriage. A flawed woman will make a flawed wife. A flawed man will make a flawed husband regardless of the kind of marriage they are in.

And that relates to practice, which I clearly stated can be flawed in both types.

yeyenatu: Wives in a polygamous home can stand united while the wife in a monogamous home maybe of a messed up morals/mind.

That is not an argument about principles, but about practice - the opposite could just as well obtain. And even if the wives "stand united", it doesn't mean that they are happy or prefer the situation.

yeyenatu: And vice versa, but that doesn't make each of these horrible. It's just the people in it.

As above.


Polygamy, by design affords the woman less agency in the union and considers her needs as inferior to the mans. Regardless of the characters of the participants, it engenders a whole slew of issues and potential problems that monogamy does not.

It's Fantasy marriage for men !


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yeyenatu: Smh

Polygamy isn't all evils. Like monogamy, it ain't all roses.

You still miss the point;

Polygamy is flawed in principle and in practice!

Monogamy is sound in principle but can be badly practiced.


Graciás


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Akdegreat: This mum is more of an artist.

A "piss-artist" by the sound of things - no pun intended!


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moca: I'm happy some men here outrightly condem this injustice to fellow human.
Kudos.
Where r those men that carry polygamy for head?
Come and argue ur case with fellow men.
Again, man's inhumanity to fellow human all because of culture and religion.
And by d way, I was told we used to go naked in d olden days, so how come we r covering up now?
Yeyebrity at its peak.

....and I'm equally unhappy that some women are justyfying it. Most especially those not living it? Let's not make it about sex sha!

cococandy: She speaks like it would be easy to assert authority over a full grown woman coming in to live with one as the newly found favorite who's giving what the first wife lacked in the first place to warrant such occurence.

The best she can pray for is that the new woman is peaceful and willing to accommodate.

...abi? Like hot air will cool a heated situation. That ones people sef may be steeling her to not take any shit from the "old woman" and to do her best to ensure her husband favours her.

Even if she's humble, she still cannot legislate for the likely favouritism shown by the husband or heal the trauma of the incumbent - afterall, it's her very presence that caused it!


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texanomaly: Do you know what an Antonym is?

Do you normally answer questions with other questions?


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tintingz: How many single Nigerian men is ready to marry a baby mama?

Even if the man is ready to marry a baby mama, will the man's family bless the union?

and if she decide to live as a single mother, she won't hear word from Nigerians with their big mouth.

Take a poll - on NL sef;

1. How many people grow up and planning or dreaming to marry a single parent?
2. How many plan on being one?
3. How many wish it for their loved ones
4. How many think it is best for them & why? Or why not?

Whatever term you use to describe societies stigma of it - which is for good reason - even if it is not evident or people pay it no mind, you still cannot deny people their preferences.

Just like men typically want young and fresh women and women prefer men who are dominant providors - both "preferring", if not outright "scorning" those who do not fit - you can rail against cultural morés all you want, but you can't deny fundamental biological imperatives.

I see polygamy as fraud.


TV

texanomaly: No!

It's the fact that those words are said with such disdain that leads them there.

dis·dain
disˈdān/
noun
1.
the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.
"her upper lip curled in disdain"
synonyms: contempt, scorn, scornfulness, contemptuousness, derision, disrespect.

Antonmys for disdain include;

admiration
affection
approval
flattery
liking
love
praise
regard
respect
compliment
esteem
favor

Should society view baby mamaism and divorce in those terms?


TV

tintingz: • widows

Widows can marry single people, divorcees or other widowers. And I refer specifically to "the younger widowers. At an age, many prefer to remain single.

tintingz: • divorced women

As previous. And the remedy for one ill is not to introduce another.

tintingz: • single old ladies

As previous

tintingz: • baby mamas

As previous. And the remedy for one ill is not to introduce another.

tintingz: This are the stigma Nigerian women face.

A number of things here;

1. These are the stigma & misfortune that women face everywhere. Divorce and baby mama'ism are not best for a flourishing society. Losing a spouse is tragic, but it unfortunately happens. Should women with husbands venture to marry widowers? Or is that the prefered solution for widowers?

2. In all the case mentioned, the arrival of a new woman on another womans territory casues upheaval, at best the incumbent may manage the situation, but it is rearely the case that she sees it as best for her and her children.

3. As in the case in question - i.e. the OP - the vast majority of additional wives will not touch the categories outlined. Men typically accumulate younger, fresher wives - which also adds to the incumbents psychological trauma - lets not decieve anyone here.

We are men, we don't have a young pretty wife at home and then start coveting the older not-as-nubile woman outside. There would have to be another reason for that - riches, connections, prestige etc. - non of which are reasons to marry. And neither is the "charitable" reason you are insinuating.

tintingz: This are what lead/led many women into polygamy marriages, is it not beneficial to them?

Not more than marginally so - to them and society - and there are better and preferred solutions as well as greater costs than any benefit. Like I said the vast majority of additional wives do not fall into the categories you outlined. It's basically a wandering dick scam.


TV