₦airaland Forum

coogar: any father that comes back after the woman worked hands & knees to raise that child into a successful individual should be tied to a stake & burnt alive - he's an infidel that wants to reap where he didn't sow.

That may well sound equitable, but it's not for the mother or father to dictate.

A child has the right to know his cutural and genetic heritage. If the father was deadbeat and the child is willing to overlook that and restore the relationship and return to the fathers bosom and reaquaint themselves with their paternal family, why not? If the child is willing to bring an end to an unfortunate chain of events why not? Moreso, if the father has seen the error of his ways.

Whatever mistakes were made, were not made unilaterally by the father. The worst a father can do is not be there to raise the child. Once the gift of life is given, it's the mother that is in a position to deny the child life and willfully deny the father his parental rights. Even if he's a deadbeat/runaway/sperm donor of a dad seeks rapprochement with an abandoned child late in life - even if it's that's due to a wretched life and the child is £100K a week athlete, he has that right. It's down to the child to reject or accept his overtures.

Why should there be a law to stop that, when there is no law to stop the mother aborting the child in the womb?

#Bring back our Patriarchy


TV

coogar: report to the police after the deed had been done? so what will police do? bring the baby back to life?

coogar you have both time and patience - and more interestingly hope?

Where abortion is legal and there is not even a marriage covenant between the two, there is simply no recourse for the man if he wants the baby and the woman doesn't. This is regardless of his ability or willinglness to provide for the offspring.

If the woman wants the baby and the man doesn't, he has no recourse if she insists in keeping it. She also has the right to insist he takes responsibility regardless of his willingness or ability. In many instances, she is able to keep him from the child - essentially enforcing his responsiblity and denying his rights

It's rights for women and responsibilities for men. That is matriarchy. Women having the choice of being sexually unrestrained, with men bearing the cost of the womans choices. Reproduction comes at a cost and men typically fund it. The main difference between patriarchy and matriarchy is that with the former men get rights with their responsibilities, but with the latter they are without incentive, therefore responsibility is forced.

Like I said, I don't swim in such waters. I still believe men should take responsibility, but not devoid of rights. In countries where matriarchy truly holds sway, a woman can have a child without a fathers input as it will be fully funded by the state. But the state gets it's money from men, as they typically produce the excess required. Men have always funded children. Directly or indirectly. With or without rights.

And I must make a mention to feminism to enliven my votaries ! Feminism knows and has pushed this. Ironically, where it has reached it's fullness, the only men who benefit are those who are prepared to be deadbeat dads. They get to keep a harem of "state" funded baby mamas, essentially paid for by productive men.

But you can't beat natural and bilogical imperatives. Children suffer that lack of a true fatherly presence. And as the men get savvier, there aren't enough of the type of men women really want willing to commit to them.

The best men (who are in short supply) get the highest value women. The long throats and the unattractive get left out, stuck with betas (in relationships that don't last or aren't really happy). Or become second, third etc. wives or baby mamas.

They fill this place out, the bitter divorcees, pained older singles and single parent household champions. Matriarchy basically cheapens sex with devastating results. Patriarchy (where properly instituted) put constraints on the sexual behaviour of both sexes and means flourishing well-ordered societies. Men build civilisations not women.

Don't swim in them dirty waters. Believe in Him and drink from the Living one.


TV

freshdude2: Funny. Perhaps, you really haven't grasped the workings of the human mind and emotion, it naturally yearns for reconciliation and catharsis. Where you see a betrayal, a child could see a life of torture meted by its mother by intentionally bringing it into a world where there'd be inadequate love and the constant thought of rejection. Perhaps, the child should avenge its mothers selfishness? Life isn't really about what favours women or what women assume favours them. Like Baby12 said, why bring a child into the world when the "father" would have no part in it's existence?

I had to like this.

To imagine that a child reads an absent father as betrayal by that father is symptomatic of the solipsistic thinking of many women. Even if the mother villifies the father throughout the childs formative years. Many - and certainly most males - will yearn to know their heritage and background.

As you delightfully stated. It's basic human nature. Amidst all the talk of womans rights, they cannot grasp that full knowledge of their cutural and genetic heritage is a childs right.

I once dated a girl whose parents were divorced. She had a brother and sister. All 3 kids stayed with their mother. Mother was relentless in ensuring their was no contact between the man and his kids. She made sure non of his letters or gifts ever reached the children.

Then she found out that the boy had been secretly visiting his father for years. She almost had a coronary. When the girl was relating the story to me, she was puzzled as to why her brother woul ddo such? I quietly laughed as I planned her exit.

And these where countryfied English people. Betrayal? In our Naija? where kinship ties are still of the highest importance. I laugh out loud in arapahoe. I have female cousins who were estranged from their fathers. When it came to marrying pedigree men who insisted on marrying properly, no one told them before sought rapprochement with their fathers. No matter how long the mothers facers were. Betrayal ko, treachery ni.


TV

freshdude2: Lovely post. Even though we aren't satisfied with the performance, we should be with Keshi's effort considering what he had to work with. I feel we could have been in the quarters with a little more luck not many teams that made it there did much better than us.

We need a real captain and at least three other leaders in our team. Also, the seeming uncertainty of Keshi's job and the blatant disrespect from NFF towards him made it almost impossible to eke out a better performance. In the end, the team seemed not quite a unit. My 2 shekels, according to you.

'Sup bro'.

A valid point re Keshi. He did a decent job all told. But to be relaly frank, I think a team with lofty ambitions needs a coach with the right pedigree. That has to be experience at the highest club levels or clear international (not just continental unless it's Europe or S/A) success.

To be even more frank, I think Naija players would respond better to Scolari or Mourinho type. And yes, I reliase what that is implying, but I just think it's the truth.

If we can secure a long-term coach - akin to the Westerhoff era - who could mould the team and map out a long-term strategy, we can start to set ourselves last 8 - and beyond - expectations. It doesn't take that much and we've seen teams like Naija, IC, Cameroon and Ghana have the basics in terms of players/ability.

The diffence between Ghana and Germany was application and organisation. To a lesser degree desire, but that desire is mixed in with pedigree and expectation, which is, and will always be high for teams like Germany. That's the difference between Ghana going home after the group stages and Germany contesting a place in the final.

Apart from the Portugal game - and that was skewed - all Germanys matches have been tightly contested, yet they've managed to prevail. Efficiently dull in some ways, but really that's classy in a way.

And to your excellent point about leadership. You are spot on. That could have made up for some of the other things we lacked. But the only one who tried to demonstrate that was Osaze - and I get the distinct feeling that he wasn't supported or encouraged in that regard? The internal wrangling/politics perhaps?

Mikel and Moses are too "beta" in a footballing sense at the moment. They don't lead or star for their clubs and it shows. Moses could well have done better for Naija if he's been a focal player at Wigan, rather than an underused squad player at Liverpool. Too many of the others just play with a "solo" mentality.

Funny I had a thought when watching them. As some players stars rise during WC', others wane. Mikel & Moses may never agin reach the club heights they have in the past. Both are at crossroads and their showings here won;t have helped. I think Moses needs to find a mid-level team and take a more starring role. They may both be able to do that if they are as young as I think. I just don't see them starring in top tier EPL teams.

10 shekels worth at least.

TV

SangoCrusader: I never actually understood women until I started wearing my ring on my wedding finger, then I realized that girls were more receptive to my advances when they thought I was married! Surely I am not the only one with this experience... for example, girls stare at me more when I am with my gf than by myself.

It's not all women by any means and you also have to understand that there are still certain constraints on behaviour (although these are fast loosening). But once you understand the basics of female hypergamous behaviour, particularly the triggers for attraction and biological responses, you'll understand that women are as easy to read as ABC. It's actually easier for men to read women than it is other women, as although women for the most part act and present emotionally, their responses to the main drivers are quite logical.

So for example, your wearing a wedding ring or being with your girlfriend, or indeed having a toddler in tow. Your typical woman reads that as another female seeing value in you. That automatically increases your status/worth/value as a catch. Especially if the toddler or GF are visually fine or appealing.

Whereas men seeing a friend/brother with a fine woman will for the most part desire "their own". hypergamy in women means she is just as likely to want take someone elses mate as he is already established as having status. Go out with an unappealing girl and see the exact opposite reaction .

SangoCrusader: Long story short... girls do not want what's 'good for them', they never did. Most girls (not all) would rather queue up for a baller than follow Mr right, while some use this preggers tactic to hook him.

You are right to say "not all".
The reason they go for the baller is all down to women responding to triggers. If you want that reaction you just have to know the triggers. Most girls wise up when they realise their value/status is not what it was when they were young and fresh - i.e. they can't get the ones they want and feel they deserve to even look at them. That's the point they typically turn into feminists and start screeching "equality" and marriage is not the be all and end all of a womans life ! Where is Sophydoesn'trock sef?

Like I said earlier, I personally do not swim in those waters. I reserved my high status for a "not all" kinda girl

"Thirsty hoes" in this day and age? In fact, in any day or age? Brother please, it's always been a mans world, you just need to understand and be wise.


TV

BananaBender: Dude, you are weird!


Do you just like arguing even when you're not making any sense??


I just helped you out negro, I just defined feminism. If you cannot reconcile that with whatever your issues are, that's none of my business.


Courage??!! What does that have to do with anything?? What are you ever talking about??

Apologies, I guess I fell into your favorite sin, "presumption". I've learned my lesson.


TV

SangoCrusader: Interesting question @TV01. It will be a sombre conversation but yes, I will have to. After all, if women can tell men that they have used the pill, the injection, or the implant to prevent unwanted pregnancies, surely a man can say he has had a vasectomy to prevent the same.

So sombre it could lead to doubts if not scupper the whole thing...

It's another conversation and I wouldn't want to derail, but part of the nonsense that women are sold is that contracepting gives them "freedom. Why would anyone believe that chemically interfering with their reproductive system is a good thing? The long-term health consequences can be horrendous - but kept well hidden. I suppose the lure of seeming consequence-free sex is too powerful?

In advising men, I feel that a mate as close to chemical, abortion and sexual promiscuity free as possible is best - I guess that means ideally a virgin !

But seriously, I certainly wouldn't advise a young lady of high worth to be with a man that willfully mutilated himself to avoid "thirsty hoes". There are men who do a good job of keeping themselves, "why not find such a one I'd advise".

And regardless of the above, if ultimately a child is involved - and it's yours - abandoning it would make you worse than the mother.


TV

SangoCrusader: "...d females aint even asking em to help in carrying d pregnancy for just a single day, JUST cater for d child wen he or she is born..."

Are we talking about a child, or a pokemon here? Since when has catering for child for the next 18 years of your life been 'just'.

Girls with such opinions are why I decided to have a vasectomy...

Just curious, lets say you meet a woman of high-value (there are loads of them out there you know), who you feel is worth marrying, will you tell here about the vasectomy and why you had it done?


TV

bellong: TV01, My expectation was met by the boys.....

I agree.
I am still left with a sense of "not as bad as feared, but not as good as could have been.

That French team was eminently beatable abd they didn't actually create any goals against Naija themselves. And they lost to the Germans, who themselves narrowly avoided defeat by Ghana.

Only Algeria outperformed from Africa. The rest could all have done better. Much better in the case of Ivory Coast & Ghana. Hopefully we'll all see that with a littel organisation and national fervour, even the smallest nations can do well. Costa Roca, Greece, Iran and yes Algeria all showed that.

And in Footballing terms Naija, Ghana and IC are not small nations. It would be so much sweeter if there was still an African team to cheer.

Are we really gong to say well done, are we going to claim that we are satisfied?


TV

SangoCrusader: A vasectomy is £800. I'm in Abuja atm but will sort it out soon as I am back in London 1st of September. Apparently, it can be easily reversed if done within 5 years or... you can store your sperm in a sperm bank so when you do decide to have kids, you can get ur tubes tied again and use the stored sperm t increase the chances of conception. I would recommend this to all NL guys... a lot of thirsty hoes out there looking to 'hook' guys.

There are cheaper, less risky, more convenient and not as messy sounding ways to keep yourself safe from "thirsty hoes". Not being prescriptive, just saying.

All the best

TV

BananaBender: Feminism: the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.


We are not advocating children or men's right when we are talking about feminism.

If MRAs feel that our rights are obstructing or infringing their freedom/rights, then they should speak up and debate it.

...just when I thought I sensed some courage.

What "Feminism" is in theory and how it translates in practice is quite plain to see.

Your dilemma is deeper than I first thought. From the off, an ideology that ultimately pits one against the other - no matter how nobly intentioned - will result in conflict.

MRA's are no the answer to Feminism, just like feminism is not the real answer to any perceived inequality between the needs rights and best interest of men, women and children.

I hope your dilemma doesn't become a predicament. Or maybe I do? If that what it takes to for you to get it.


TV

coogar: sex is split into two. recreation & procreation.

Sorry mate. It doesn't work like that in the real world. Not for men anyway. Full reproductive rights for women mean only they truly have this split between sex as recreation and procreation.

It's called matriarchy dude, get used to it .


TV

BananaBender: *lazily responding*

Most feminists are pro-choice, we are not against abortion biko.

The op's question raises some sort of dilemma for me because.......

If men aren't held accountable for their irresponsibility in creating an unwanted baby because they opted for abortion, then the sole responsibility of protection lies with the woman. (The teenage girls are my concern actually) This seems unfair as it reminds me of the typical Nollywood mother that spends time sex educating or "sex shouting" their daughters because "she is the one that gets pregnant", "she is the one that will have to give up her education" but choosing not to do the same for her boys forgetting that it takes two. A teenage boy is encouraged to have gfs and most times, hailed for such but the female child?? Mbanu!


Feminists believe that a woman should be able to make decisions that affects her body. So, if she wants an abortion and the man wants the child, she has every right to terminate the baby. Do we agree? If she wants total control of her body, then she should have total responsibility and I shouldn't feel pity for the teenage girl.

I know I'm not explaining myself well but I hope u can see where I'm going, .................

We can absolutely see where you are going. And I quite like your honesty - just hope you will follow it too it's logical conclusion. But the truth can be a little unsettling, which is why you scarpered last time !

If, as feminists demand, women should have full reproductive control (euphemistically "rights" over their own bodies), it means there can never be true equality, as men have no rights, but can be held "responsible" at the unilateral behest of women (or those that enforce their "rights". This is worsened by making the man have responsibility for the child, but no "rights" over the child.

The "rights" of both children and men are being trampled to ensure those of women. Not real equality, which feminism is at pains to claim it is all about. That's why so many see feminsm as acquiring priviliges for women at the expense of men?

Your dilemna will disappear once you grasp and admit either;
1. Feminism is not really about equality - at least not in it's contemporary form or
2. It's aboout female privilige and you are happy with that !

Hope that helped your dilemna .


TV

^{disclaimer: I don't swim in the waters where such notions hold sway - I'm just keenly aware of them. For the record, as a Christian I believe intimate congress and procreation between a man and woman should be restricted to a marital setting.}

swtchicgurl: It's not like the only thing you're here for is to discuss or propagate sexuality related topics, except I'm wrong.

Yes actually, you are wrong. Despite the ingenious ways homosexualist use to portray the gay lifestyle. It's only about hedonistic sex. The" cool gay" image is a damnable lie. It's a desperate, degrading and dehumanising lifestyle. But don't take my word for it;

http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles8/Lee-The-Truth-About-The-Homosexual-Rights-Movement.php

Hezron Lorraine: I remember bro,our work here is done,time for greater thingz jare.
Enjoy homophobia while its still legal@AllHaterz.

And we will continue to tell the truth about your disgusting and vile lifestyle whatever you term it or legally label it.


TV

Nashville: What I was hoping to get from these discussions was contributions from mature people that would help some reader going through these scenarios. We can go the way of - all these guys are going to hell or just look at things they could have done better; so someone else would learn from it. Nothing wrong in analyzing these stories and looking at where things went wrong and lessons to be learnt.

My point exactly.

Just dropping it without evaluating in any way or being prescriptive could be misleading. Perhaps something like; "this is what I believe they could have done differently...", or "IMHO this was shaky as major aspirations were not discussed at the outset.....", or even "what are peoples takes on these situations...". Would have kicked the right convos off.


TV

Nashville: TV,

Great post and wish you could be here more. Examples I have given are real life examples of people that have real challenges. All I say here are two things. It takes the grace of God and God's grace only for any man to stand. Second lesson is that he that thinks he stand take heed, lest he falls.

On this page, I have given examples of three guys. One whose wife was never around, one who couldnt conceive and one with a troublesome wife. The third is not cheating on the wife as he is a committed Christian. I am sure that there are several guys who may be going through similar problems reading this. We should try to look for ways to help them and not judge them.

I will be glad if you could address those three scenarios and suggest things the guys could have done better. Over to you or anyone else!

When you give examples and then flinch away from taking a moral stance or making a value judgment - especially with the rider of "who am I to judge?" - whether you realise it or not, you are being morally relative and appear to be tacitly winking at it. Especially where there is no balancing example or any corrective counsel

The false piety of "who am I to judge" or "it takes the grace of God" doesn't help very much either. Because God certainly will and His grace is not arbitrary. No one wants to condemn friends or family, but we shouldn't for that reason hesitate to give a clear evaluation. Like I suggested, perhaps depersonalise it somewhat.

Having moved away from the absolute to the relative, the pragmatic will almost certainly follow. Ultimately you go the way of the "whatever works for you" crowd. It's becomes about individual desires and satisfaction. We have those that preach that here, I don't count you as one of them. You may be grounded enough to discern this, others may not. It's them I'm concerned about. Otherwise we're just shooting the breeze.


TV

Nashville: Please mention names, I want to know.

But on a serious note, I will ammend my post and say - I will never cheat on my wife; so help me God. The reality is that cheating is a choice but some guys that cheat made that choice even though they never planned to. It was not their first or second choice, but somehow they did what they may not have wanted to. I always pray that we will not be lead into temptation but will be delivered from evil.

I will give you an example of a friend of mine whose wife was just never around. They got married in Nigeria and a few months after the wedding, she was posted abroad by her job for two years. Things were tough but he managed. After the two years, they spent a year together in Nigeria and she then decided she wanted to go for a Masters in the UK for a year. After the Masters, then she got a job in the UK and was telling my guy to relocate and join her. Of course he refused and it became a big family problem. When they could not resolve the issue my guy just started dating one girl in Lagos jare. He was cheating and that was his choice, but I tell you, I will not judge him. The wife eventually came back to Nigeria and they somehow resolved the issue but seriously I cannot judge the guy o!

I give you another example of my uncle who did not know any kids with his wife. They tried everything, I mean everything, hospital, church and even jazz sef but nothing worked. After 15 years, the family pressure was getting too much, he tried outside and the woman conceived for him. Was he forced to cheat - a big no, but I never pray that anyone will be in his situation.

All I can say is that, I will not cheat - so help me God.

Whilst there is nothing wrong per se in sharing experiences - personal or otherwise - let us be mindful that no individual case is the benchmark. Neither should any instance of a "situation" be allowed to overly colour our views.

I have long pleaded for "aspirational" counsel on this forum. That I believe would be best for all. What could be, what should be, as opposed to what obtains and what people settle for.

For every exampe cited of why people cheat, I could give a similar one where more perseverance, greater moral probity, deep faith or even selflessness - love - was shown. I could quite easily punch a hole through every illustration based on the reasons given.

Even if we are to "personalise" it somewhat - and I agree relatability makes much better reading, can we at least keep it balanced. There are heaps of moving examples out there.

I was out shopping with my wife and I ran into a Sis' I used to fellowship with. She and her husband had been together for years. No issue. Through thick and thin, they stuck together. Always believing it would one day be their turn to experience a "parting of the waters". They never ceased to participate and show love to all around them, even as they waited. When we ran into her it still hadn't happened. My wife was all but ready to drop. I didn't know where to look and words failed me - yes me TV - I had cotton mouth. They are still waiting and were in their mid-forties when I first met them almost 15 years ago. And they are still as committed to each other as they have ever been.

Please let me know if this is a fast food joint so I can make my way.


TV

A husband & father taking an active role in looking after his children is news? Someone please remind me what year and planet this is?

Ronnie65: Really interesting. Please how does a babe attract a guy who doesn't seem to show much interest in her? without appearing desperate or been turned into beer palor topic?

These days loads of guys can't read body language and eye contacts. help a sister out.

BTW, we both are in contact but he comes on to me srrongly once a while and just shuts off after a while. he probably needs to be plugged to a stabilizer. Lol

I don't want to put all my cards on the table for him for obvious reasons but can't watch him slip off either.

Today is not girls day jor...can't your sisters help you ?

Okay I like your humility in stepping forward.

You've already given him "access". He can come and go as he pleases. In reality, you are the one left "destabilised". Will he, won't he? Does he, doesn't he?

If I were to advice you ab initio, I would always say be guarded in allowing men access. Keep things polite & platonic. Moreso if you like him. If he's good and mature he will make the effort and force the issue. If he's not, he isn't really worth your while.

Women can also try boldness, but slightly differently. On a "flirty" occassion, simply ask him. You know him better than we do, so think your approach through. I can suggest an outline, but I can't be prescriptive;


TV

Nosyke: Now to the second point, in a case whereby most of the people (females) around you are either your mate or older then you (either due to the fact that you graduated from school on time or you started working on time), how can one make very healthy platonic Guy-Chic relationship (maybe with a view to making it something serious )?. More often than not these ladies want something serious which one might not just be willing to give at the moment[/i]

Men must take responsibility for their relationships. And act as having a "duty of care" when engaging women.

To keep it platonic simply do not send out wrong signals, give hints or be caught up in situations that suggest otherwise. If the girl is getting the wrong impression or "trying to make it happen", you need to disengage, limit contact or simply speak plainly - but kindly.

Note;
1. Some women read any nice gesture as a sign of intent. Be careful.

2. Some women will see what they want and try and make it happen by sheer force of will. It may not be because of anything you do or don't do. Beware.

Platonically, treat them like sisters, don't be flirtatious. Be polite and helpful without overdoing the bobo nice or falling mugu. If you wish to step it up, you suggest something. Start cooly, drink meal etc. Light-hearted chat and probe without being nosey. If they are always around., scope them as much as possible without being intrusive. It's worth finding out a person before stepping-up if possible. Saves time and effort. Before suggesting anything, if they are in the same office, linger a little at their desks, chat a bit more. To them, not about them.

Don't think "serious" until you have a decent bio. Otherwise it's simply speculative, or at best "getting to know".

I speak as a serious man to serious men. I was celibate for over a decade. Met loads of women, but never called any girlfriend. Met my wife, got to know her, woo'ed her, courted her, married her.


TV

[quote author=fresh_dude]@TV, I agree with your points especially where you say circumstances do not make a man cheat. I'll disagree with you saying cheats are non-men though, a human is way too complex to be defined by his ability/inability to control some habits, I believe.[/quote]I agree with you. I didn't say not men...not men in the sense of character/conduct in that respect.

TV

Redlyn: Does this mean you are okay for homosexuals to live peacefully together as a couple and are recognized by the state as such?

Private behaviour is one thing. State endorsement is another. What for? Why?

Redlyn: I think anyone is free to condemn it and consider it a sin and raise your kids with that mindset. I completely support your right to do that. But imagine a world where everyone imposed their version of morality on others.

That's is exactly the issue here. State endorsement of homosexuality forces it on everyone regardless. Another of your self-evident and self defeating points.

Redlyn: Homosexuality is completely victimless. For me this is the fundamental distinction which separates one debate over the other. Some argue it is not victimless but I am yet to be convinced by any such arguments. "The world will become extinct" is a classic nonstarter.

Lie, lie, lie.

Those that indulge in it are victims - of the degradation and pathologies that ensue

Those that are enticed into it are victims - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1380551/pdf/amjph00515-0051.pdf (search HIV)
- http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/age/youth/

There are societal costs that are bourne by all- an active gay lifestyle cuts anything from 7 - 20 years off life expectancy. The clinical/health costs are staggering.

The lifestyle is a lie, the love is fraudulent and all defenses of it are lies.

TV

Redlyn: In many countries in Africa homosexuals are locked up actually.

No one is arguing for a deniel of rights to anyone due to being homosexual.

Redlyn: Someone else's gay union does not prevent you from educating your kids as you wish. There are many people living lifestyles we disapprove of. You simply limit as much as possible your interaction with these people. You don't have to like it, but you should tolerate it as the world is diverse and we are only discussing about 2 adults loving each other.

Not true. Once the state sanctions homosexuality, it will be promulgated as good and proper by the state and it's affiliates.

So for example. In schools, homosex will be taught as a natural, healthy and in all ways equal to normal sex. It will be included in all spheres of school curricula and taught to vulnerable children

For example, as a baker, I sell bread, pastries doughnuts to anyone. However, if I decline to bale a cake celebrating a gay union, I can be prosecuted. What of my individual rights and freedoms? my personal choices?

That is the real aim of the push for "gay marriage". Legitimacy and forced acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle with silence or sanctions for dissenters. There is ample evidence for this.

Redlyn: Replace homosexuality with interracial lifestyle in your post and the arguments were exactly the same, no regards to someone else's quality of life. The world is going in one direction and that is more and more state recognition of gay relationships (either civil union or marriage) by the countries who care about improving everyone's quality of life over the various religious agendas of the majority. I feel quite certain this discussion will go the way of may others of its kind and become history.

Totally different. One is about race, the other about behaviour. One is about rights, the other about morality. One is about genetic immutibility,the other about behavioural choices. You simply cannot sell legitimising homosex on it's own merits. As it has none. Piggy backing off real rights struggles is repugnant.

Nope. Like the no-fault divorce and unquestioned-abortion issues. It will run and run. Too many know it is simply wrong.Be that for religious, moral or practical reasons. The consequences will become very clear. Maybe not instantly, but we will surely see them.


TV

Nosyke: @Nash, TV, et al, please start giving your guy bits on wedding plans Bussyluv08 weds Nosyke

Get a girl first mate

But seriously, be as cash rich as you can be in preparation and ahead of time. Even if you haven't gotten the girl! Listen carefully; plan your budget with a medium term view - i.e. there is life and there will be expenses after the day - and stick to it. Anyone that thinks you should charter helicopter, release a million white doves, or anything you both haven't planned for, should only be accomodated on the basis they are willing to fund it.

In all likelihood, you would have dreamed of winning the girl, the girl would have dreamt of the big day. She probably already knows what she wants. Negotiate what's best for you both and support her all the way. Keep a close eye on spending and all arangements. PM it!

Nosyke: @Nash, TV, et al. For a guy that likes staying indoors, how can the social life be improved. In one of your posts, you mentioned something about an ideal guy knowing the right social points/joints around him without necessarily turning into a mobile brewery?

If you are a Christian, church is great. But beware, you probably have to be more discerning there than in a brothel .

For the naturally reclusive, a solid network of family and friends is a big asset. No matter how small yours is work to extend it.

Let me give you two insights from my time searching;

1. Boldness
I was - am even - a little like you. Boldness was one of the things I had to learn. And I mean to the extent of approaching people wherever you meet them. It's not easy and requires patience and practice. But it will make you feel manly and build confidence - even if you get blown out. No marriage proposals at first sight 0 ! A simple "hello, how are you" or "good morning", will suffice. Start by learning to engage people you know more - colleagues etc. - then move on to "neutrals", girls that you are not necessarily interested in - this reduces pressure and sweaty armpit/clammy hand/cotton mouth type situations

2. Smart use of contacts
Following on from my "family & friends" & "boldness points above. I meant and got to know literally hundreds of girls - always knowing I was looking for a wife. My wife. Initially, once they proved "out of scope" for whatever reason, I cut all contact. But as I grew in understanding. I thought hmmm...these ladies could be a great resource. So unless they fell into the "bad eggs" category, I started to retain contact/friendships, making it plainly platonic. A few of these girls became my greatest champions. I met my wife through one of them.


TV

PureOhio: I get the ladies are more hörny. or I was just reading fantasies of the Girls' thread

...mostly fantasies. Or probably the reliving of memories that were probably prior to, or earlier in marriage. Most of those talking about it aren't getting it. Women like to feel among, of course "One-upwomanship" plays a part as well. Even lezzas will join in yekini talks .


On Cheating?

Men cheat because they are selfish, immature, spineless, lacking in understanding, wisdom or foresight, because they are profane or of reprobrate mind. Or a mix of the aforementioned. No detailed taxonomy or story required.

No one cheats due to how rich, good looking, tempted, undersexed, maltreated, etc. etc. Such a one is a man in name only. Not in character or conduct.


TV

Nosyke: Sometimes, they might look all fly till the knots tied, and it will be too late by then. So isn't it better to avoid such situations ab initio?

Most women will bring something that will casue concern, raise questions or trigger red. It's how you discern, categorise and respond. For some I'd be unequivocall in saying "move her along, quick time". She cheats, lies, steals etc. Get gone!

Others may give you pause for thought, but may be worth considering if she has other great qualities. So point in question, the disrespect about age, it may not be about age at all, but about her lack of maturity or some other issue. She may just need to grow out of it. You can help there.

In truth many women carry at least a little fear/baggage. Whether they realise it or not, they are looking for a man with broad enough shoulders to deal with them without heaping on the hurt.

Let me speak plainly; some women just need to be loved better! That's why it's important for you to know all about her, so you can figure out if you have the strength to unburden her of that load. The requisite love to make her better. Your care for her will go a long way to easing hurts, deleting wrong impressions and subduing unruliness (Fem... )

You have to be mature enough to discern real issues and real change. Again, softly, softly. Don't force it. Just being around you should make her appreciate some things and change. She may not even realise it. If you have to broach it directly, do so, but it must be couched correctly. No threats, ultimatums. Ultimately the choice is hers. You are a man, if she doesn't measure up in timely fashion you move on, no looking back.


TV

Nosyke: @ Nash, et Al what are your opinions about a guy marrying his agemate. Won't the respect be compromised?

Shouldn't really be a problem. She should respect you for your manliness and maturity. If you possess it. Not your age. End of. If she doesn't the problem is with her. Don't commit until she comes to understanding, but bear with her small if it's the only downside and everything else is good.


TV

bukatyne: Lol@ praying for me regarding marriage.

I trust you Amen'ed eep down

bukatyne: So asking a guy if excess alcohol or even alcohol at all is enjoyment means I am making him to be less than a 'man'?

Listen. Don't nag. Encourage, exhort, counsel. Be wise. No matter how much they pretend, men hate being told what to do by girls. Stone cold fact. Try this; "Brodas, well spoken, not to much hot 0! After all the hard work y'all put in at the gym. Think of the effect on your buff selves" Sofry, sofry. Don't be combative or warlike about it. Not for here - NL - really, but just makng a point. Gyals you dey hear me so?

bukatyne: The issue is that everything is seen as man woman here especially when a 'feminist' aka frustrated old spinster is involved!/quote] No it's not. Don't allow that bias to affect your thinking. It's more women believing they must engage men as men themselves.

[quote author=bukatyne]A guy was happy with Nashville's posts and offered him about 10 bottles of alcohol, 2 plates of peppersoup etc. and I asked him how he considered that to be enjoyment.

Personally I'm teetotal, but as long as one retains mastery over alcohol it's not bad.

bukatyne: Oga Tv on my case as usual said I should 'let men be men'

Because you were nagging, and men hate that more than being told what to do. Hope you are taking notes? So "Let men be men, you be a woman". Then they'll relate to and cherish you as one

bukatyne: I am against alcohol as a Christian; what is my own with men or women in this case?

And that's fine, although Christianity is not against it.

bukatyne: If alcohol makes someone manly, make them carry go.

Now you sound like the frustrated old spinister you mentioned earlier.

C'mon Bukatyne you can do this


TV

coogar: equality is nonsense - men & women are not equal. humanity is not perfect. God's way is for men to be in charge of their homes, marriages, churches and the society. any attempt to upset that balance would create a conflict in the family.

The rabid feminie notion of equality is egregious to the essence and beauty of true complementarity. In family and church, men must absolutely lead. In wider society I have no problem with women being involved or taking the reigns in most regards.

pickabeau1: Cool cat.. Teefee
But some women like projects as they call it... Broken xters they want to reform..

That's could be due to a number of things. She could be just tolerating him due to other pros. Most likely it's her own weak character/lack of self-esteem cum warped application of the nurturing (help-meet) role. It's why a lot get dumped when the man is back on his own two feet. There's a difference between a nurse and a mate, although a mate is both (one for the gyals - feeling generous today ).

bukatyne: I sincerely hope you name one of your kids Bukky or one of the variants
This one you keep in mind my opinions so, na wa

Let your man lead and learn to respect and appreciate that leadership. I pray for 5 men and 2 women on this board regards marriage. You are one of the two. And you will all "fine dine". Can I get an amen?

bukatyne: Not to dampen the fun but how does the bolded look like fun to you?

Learn to let "men be men". Don't nag. Exert a long-term but further reaching influence on them. You will reap the rewards. Encourage, exhort, counsel. They'll respond better and be ready to "war" for you.

TV

_{Still water for me please. No ice!}

slimyem: TV killed this thread with his comment

And I am also able to "unkill" it . I have that power!

ypepe: TV,no preaching here!

I can't promise you no preaching, but I can promise you good stuff!

1.
Gentlemen. Do not stay with a girl who does not respect you, be that due to her attitude or your situation. One must change before you commit to her, or you are in for a bumpy ride.

2.
Don't ever fall for that equality nonsense. In terms of value? In terms of worth? Place her on a pedestal if you so choose. In terms of "expectation"? No, no, no.

Listen to me; "Equaity breeds contempt". One a woman feels she is equal to you, she'll look for an edge. Once she has an edge over you she won't respect you. Once she doesn't respect you, she can't truly love you. Rocky road ahead.

3.
Bukatyne - bless her - once said on this forum "Men and women should worship and submit to each other". Brodas pliss, I take all that is holy beg una; don't fall for this.

A women can find herself by being wholly consumed by her man and family. If a man tries to find himself in a woman, it produces a conflict. She has to be the needy one and he can satisfy that. If he becomes needy, she won't be able to deal with it long-term (unless she is simply out to control him). Either way, she'll start to resent it and ultimately despise him. Rocky road ahead.

If anyone would like to hear the Godly way to circumvent all of this just ask!


Teefee (wind dey blow)

Deep Sight: ^^^ You are filthy, perverse, wretched, disgusting, without any ethics or morals whatsoever, and the lowest minded scoundrel in existence if you would subject innocent children to such a raising.

Not surprising anyway. Since you and your reprobate perverted ante diluvian bovine recidivists do declare against the existence of morality.

You are frankly the lowest dirtiest most repulsive human being I could ever conceive.

Swine. Piece of sh1t.

You forgot to add troll . He lends nothing except catty remarks and pained outrage.


TV

debosky: I am a Christian as well, however I do not seek to enforce my views on others, particularly those who do not share my convictions. If society has said homosexuality is normal, permitted and not 'sinful', then those who are normal should have all the rights of normal people. Anything to the contray indicates that society is engaging in hypocrisy.

Which is where you miss the point. I do not seek to convict or condemn anyone for not believing, but equally retain the right to air my views based on my beliefs. And this is not about "gay rights", it's about marriage and what it is, means and does.

debosky: If you are truly advocating a Christian position then your condemnation shouldn't start with marriage , it is about condemnation of homosexuality in all it's forms and, ultimately, outlawing it since you feel the state shouldn't 'change' what has existed before it. To fail to do so reveals an inconsistency in your position.

And I have clearly stated my stance on homosexuality. Whether it should be outlawed is a different question to whether it should be equated to normal functioning. And from a scriptural point of view, sodomy as a crime would have to be considered along with all the other forms of deviant sexual practice.

Like we don't necessarily criminalise pre-marital sex, we shouldn't necessarily prosecute sodomy. But at least we don't expect the state to endorse & reward PMS?

debosky: I wish you well as you do your best - but realise one thing: it's not a competition about who can do it better.

It is about best. Best for children. And you might say it's a consideration of their rights.

debosky: No one is forcing anyone to be homosexual - the obsession with trying to control what they can/can't do by people not impacted by their actions is quite worrying.

Again, you either ignorantly or wilfully miss the point. I do not wish to participate in or validate the homosexual lifestyle. State endorsement via "gay marriage" will force me to do so.


TV