₦airaland Forum

Emmerlee: You guys are just over flogging this issue.. From all I see so far everyone is on the same page! I haven't read anyone here saying yes to wife battery or physical abuse whatsoever. Vivian too isn't saying yes to wife battery but you are making it look like she's endorsed it! She only added a new line to it - women, help the men. Watch your tongue! How is that a bad advice? I see nothing wrong in that oh..

Don't mind them....will there sentiments allow them to see that? I won't support a man that beats his wife and I won't support a woman that runs her mouth......

Men should not beat their wives, women should learn how to control their mouths....period!

carefreewannabe: You are so naive. Good luck to you though, hope your best will be enough.

And you are so experienced, so when u get married make sure u abuse your husband with words.......there is a 50% chance that you will get beaten.......then divorce his azz....that's your business.

As for me, I deserve better and my husband deserves better too.

Beync: [b]

are u serious?
so any time u wrong him, you'd set you chins and receive slaps?
what's the difference between slaping and laying his hands on you?

from what you have writen, when he slaps you, you suck it up.
but when he lays his hands on you,your brothers'll give him the beating of his life.
so you prefer slapping to beating

Pls follow the argument.

Shollypopz: Goddammit!! This 'bolded' is beyond sad! This lady is in real mental bondage and she's refusing freedom!

Listen Vivian u deserve better, no man has a right to lay his hands on you, no right whatsoever!!

yes I deserve better, that's why I plan on giving him the best......cos when I give him my best he will be a better man to me.

I don't wanna experience the bad side so I won't stir it up.

Btw, the only modern mentality I have seen in you so far is "fuccck yous" and "dicck heads" which to me still belong to the trash.

carefreewannabe: I didn't say MOST WOMEN can't control their mouths. Not in my world.
And i am not jumping down your throat. I am expressing my view.
The bold one is valid for you. you have no idea what you're talking about. Sorry.
Believe me, there are better ways to handle a woman than to beat her up. Once violence becomes part of a relationship, there is no respect. The couple should either seek help or divorce. It can only become worse. You have no idea what you're talking about. Pray you'll NEVER have to endure violence in your marriage.
End of discussion.

I won't endure violence and I won't cause it!...........most men/women that beat up their spouses did so out of anger. All I'm saying is, let us help them control it by controlling our mouths.

Personally, I'm very sensitive to words and I have got a terrible temper....., so I try to tell any man around me so that scenes like that could be avoided. So I try to control my temper and he helps me by controlling his actions.

Men should have self control and women should help them in doing that by controlling their own mouths.

Emmerlee: @ Sholly, try and understand the point Vivian is making. I really do not think she supports men physically abusing their women. The point is - women should not hide under the shadows of 'being weaker' to wreck havocs with their mouths. Some men who have beaten their women will tell you they were pushed to the wall and I can just imagine those scenarios. Men should learn to control their impulses while women too have a lot of 'mouth controlling' to do, lol. Self control should come from both sides. Expecting men to have all the self control and then freeing women to wag their tongues freely isn't fair..

Thank you jare.

@carefreewannabe; I don't know if you stay in US where some men smoke crack, come home and pounce on their wives.

But here in Nigeria........70% of wives who got beaten up by their husbands is as a result of their "running" mouth.
No one wants to stay in an abusive relationship.......it hurts just the way it kills a man when the wife rains insult on him ceaselessly. Mr. A might put up with it and Mr. B might not.

If all saying is this, if these 70% of women can control their mouths, it will lessen the percentage of it all.

Its just like the bible quotation that says children should obey their parents and parents should not push their children to the wall by provocation.

carefreewannabe: 1. What are these things that "FORCE" a man to beat his wife? If a wife insults her husband at the slightest provocation, then he probably married the wrong woman. They better divorce! This is not marriage, this is war.

2. "I watched a soap opera ..." You better read a good book. Just suggesting. I don't care about soap operas and I don't accept such examples. Let's stick to real life situations.

3. If a man marries a lady who can't control her mouth and lacks proper behavior, he is a jerk, otherwise, why did he marry her?

4. You said MOST TIMES ladies who are beaten up, aren't innocent implying that they push their husbands. And I tell you that you have no idea and that your statement is very dangerous. Ladies like that exist for sure but before you make such statements when it comes to such sensitive issues, think twice. If you want to receive beatings because you made a mistake, that's your choice, I hope the beatings will not leave any permanent injuries and I hope your children won't have to watch their mama being beaten up BECAUSE SHE DID "SOMETHING WRONG". I consider myself a normal human being and I make mistakes, which doesn't justify any beating, not even from my parents.

My dear, some things are just beyond you until you are faced with situations like that. Thank God you agreed that there are most ladies who can't control their mouths..........then saying men who married them are jerks is you being fallacious and sentimental........so let me ask you this question; how would a man know? You think is by dating? Do you know how many people that have said "oh, this is not the same man/woman that I married?

Before you get all sentimental and jump down my throat, I was actually talking about those women that can't control their mouths.

Mynd_44: Vivian I demand that you change your signature. What do you mean hit my head with frying pan?

, of course if that's the only way I can knock some senses into you, why not? The signature stays darling.

Mynd_44: Look its the truth. If my mum stars insulting me, will I slap her? The answer is no.

Stop making excuses for us men it makes us worse

Mynd ur mum is ur mum! Your wife is ur wife! These are two different people ok. And I don't make excuses for men, far from it........when we realise the role we play in things it will help us a great deal. If you gather an ant infested firewood, be prepared to have lizards as visitors.

Sholly, getting into an argument with you is a complete waste of time.....cos you are a trash that should be dumped in a trash can.

When you identify a problem, proffer a lasting solution to it........yes marriage counsellors carry out this research every year and despite the awareness, some men still beat their wives and a percentage of this could have been avoided if some wives know how to control their mouths.

Husbands beating you wives is wrong! Wives learn how to control your mouths! Is that too hard of a job?

I cherish my body a lot and if controlling my mouth will save me from this, I'd simply do it.

Those people that got married in the church, attended marriage courses, is this not what they are been taught there? Let's stop complicating issues abeg.

Shollypopz: U are in mental bondage, serious one!!

Does ur father hit ur mum?? That could be the root of ur problem.

From the look of things you don't even have a father, cos if you do you will learn how to respect one.

And no, my dad has never hit my mum in their 2.....yrs of marriage and my mum has never use demeaning words on my dad before.

Mynd_44: Whatever a woman does to a man does not deserve a beating unless of course she attacks him first. If she does not slap you or pull a gun on you why beat her up? It is senseless and cowardice.

If as Vivian says the moan always insult him, why can't he insult her back? Why mist you beat her up for insulting you.

Does it also mean if his mother insults him he will beat her? Lepa be practical here.

If a woman insults you in public and you beat her up, you will go to jail for assault. No excuse that he insults you will save you. But if she hits you first, then you have a sensible defence

Maybe that's for you mynd. It takes the grace of God for a man to swallow demeaning insults from a woman especially a wife. You will never know until you start living with a woman.

carefreewannabe: First of all, how do YOU know MOST TIMES ladies aren't innocent?
Secondly, is there any excuse for someone beating someone up who is weaker? In my world, unless I don't hit you, you have NO RIGHT to hit me.
I really wish you well but I hope you'll have a boyfriend one day who slaps you whenever he thinks you did SOMETHING wrong.

Well, I'm gonna answer your question with practical examples.........
There are some things you as a lady will say to a man and he will be forced to beat you.
1. I used to have a neighbour that insults her husband at any slightest provocation, she uses all manner of demeaning words and sometimes the man will be forced to beat her. Whose fault is that?
2. I watched a soap opera today "super story" where a lady kept on insulting the husband, even when the man pleaded with her to stop she went on insulting the man until he was forced to slap her, she moved out of the house and before she could come back another lady has taken over, whose fault is that?

Some ladies find it very difficult to control their mouth, most times they go as far as daring the man and sometimes this lands them in trouble.

All I'm saying is, physical abuse is bad.....but some ladies should stop pushing their men to the wall. And this is applicable to both parties cos there are also things that you'd say to a woman and she will slap you.


As for my man beating me........I have done so many wrongs, had a lot of argument in my relationships but in all my manners and the way I control what comes out of my mouth matter.

IMO, I don't think the class a lady falls in determines this.

I don't support a guy physically abusing a lady but most ladies should check themselves. Most times the ladies are not completely innocent in the case. No guy has ever raised his hands on me before and I have never done anything to warrant that. So if I really did something wrong and he slaps me? I'd suck it up. But if he lay his hands on me for no just cause? I'd end the relationship, his azz will be thrown in jail or my brothers will give him the beating of his life.

Wow!

Ah ah, Is that not what you guys want? A sweet-im-too-perfect kinda girl?

"You can rot in hell for all I care!" I usually use this statement whenever I'm furious......but I regret it afterwards. Funny enough my friends are used to it.....so its no longer a big deal for us.

Yes I would.

mondi_cheeks: in simple words, why would it be okay for beyonce to do it when its not okay for onila (or any other ordinary woman) to show off her curves or legs on or off camera its the same damn thing!!!

If it makes you feel comfortable flaunt it jare. And don't give a damn about what people say.

The way a lady dresses doesn't depict her personality. Rather it depicts her level of maturity.

Mynd_44: That's better for us

ok.

The word "I love you" is very important to most people men and women inclusive. As for me its very important to me, its the best thing someone says to me provided he means every bit of it. I just imagine having a bad day and he comes to me, holds my hand, looks into my eyes and say "Viv. I love you, don't worry everything will be alright." At that point nothing will matter anymore.............

Mynd_44: If it comes out in the line of conversation, great.

But if she asks me, ..........

No sane lady will ask you how much you earn. And no man will walk up to me and be like "hey Viv. how much do you earn?" Like I said before, it can happen in the line of conversation.

Mynd_44: That's great and all but I don't think I can ask my GF or even my wife.

It is just pointless to me

Yea, and I will not ask either.........but in the line of conversation it can happen. Its not a big deal and it changes nothing.

Mynd_44: You want me to shave

Well, I don't ever want to see the ones on your armpit and the other side.......but the ones on your chest and legs? You have to trim, use whatever you guys use to make it look nice and use a good deodorant.

If the guy can take care of the hair, then yes. If he can't, then NO!

Yep, not a big deal. Hmmmmmmm, if we go that line of conversation or he was there when I got the job. I can go "baby, I got the job and this..........is the package."

Mynd_44: I am terrible at giving gifts. I Really suck at it

Huh? I hope you won't give me a terrible gift on my upcoming birthday?