₦airaland Forum

ajokealako: Thank you.

You are welcome dear.

ajokealako: Thank you. I guess I might eventually talk to someone who can talk with him.

Madam right now talking to someone about him is the wrong move.........play his emotions for him first before you suggest any third party, preferably a marriage counsellor or your pastor/priest.

ajokealako: We've never lived apart except maybe occasional traveling

Ok.....I have gotten the facts I needed since divorce is not an option for u. I'm gonna say something but you have to know I'm not married, I don't know what it is like her to be married or be in your shoes......so I might be wrong, so sieve everything I'm gonna say ok.

1. Stop flirting with the other guy, it will confuse you the more and land you into bigger mess.
2. Be the best wife you can be now, oh God its gonna be hard I know, but you have to try, be charming, sexy, full of smiles, no more nagging or crying, just be unpredictable ok, do the things you normal don't do often, make him his favourite meals all the time. Do those things you used to do when you were single, u remember those breath taking outfits? Now is the to rock them more! Oh God, I understand u rather punch him right now but you have to fake it if you can!

Reason: it will make him wonder! "What's this woman upto?" It will draw him closer to you cos he would wanna find out what's up with you. Keep doing that and don't tell say a word to him yet.

3. Since you have a job, concentrate on it, take a step higher if you wish, go for a course if u want. I'm assuming you can balance these two aspects of your life.

4. Concentrate more on your kids......be charming to them, teach them something new!

5. Rearrange your bedroom, repaint it if you can. Just change this about your bedroom.

Remember you haven't said a word to him about your problem all this while. And trust me by now he is very curious to know what's up with you......now is the time to talk. Send your kids on a play date, choose a conducive atmosphere, hand him a plate of his favourite,this will make him comfortable. Now he is happy, comfortable and curious, this is the time to talk to him with a heavy heart.........Now let your tears flow freely without saying a word.......let those anger out in just tears, let him see how hurt you are, he is your husband, let him see how his habit has affected you, if he is a man who can't stand your tears he will be more confused now......then open your mouth and talk to him, you know how best to reach him, remind him of your special days, the love you guys shared and what you have built together, while you do this don't get your eyes off his face......maintain the eye contact, look him deep in the eyes and then ask him this "is this all worth it? Is those ladies outside worth our marriage? Are u willing to sacrifice all we have laboured and built over the years? Put yourself in my shoes, the you know how much this hurt me and the kids? While u still do that, maintain the eyes contact........pause a little, and be silent, let him break the silence himself..........depending on what he says, tell him how much you love him and how much you are willing to forgive him.
I believe by now he will feel remorse unless he is really a beast......go into his arms and cry, when you are done crying, listen to his heartbeat.

Now he has felt remorse (assuming),,,,,,start from there! Start working on your marriage, go see a marriage counsellor........do the things you did when you were dating......be young and silly(pls I'm not being offensive) again.

Madam work on yourself! I believe you are not completely innocent here, no more nagging! Be a wife and not a competitor!

Above all, invite God into your marriage (especially the places that talk about marriage), read the bible together, make sure everybody says what he/she understands, pray together especially every morning holding his hands.......all pray for him always in your lonely times!

I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but what more can I say? I'm just a child.

I feel your pain and frustration but all I'm gonna do is wish you GOODLUCK.

[quote author=ajokealako][/quote]Madam, is this a long distance marriage? Or you guys live together now?

gawk: Drop three personal questions here that will cure the curiosity of the OP on this guy state of mind
1.?
2.?
3.?

Ok, I'm assuming she is already known his name..................and they have been gisting.
1. Start with what he likes and dislikes. E.g, do you drink? Do you play chess? Menh work these days is hectic, how do you unwind? Bla bla bla.........
3. Talk about education and then ask him where he graduated from.
2. Joke about his "imaginary" girlfriend then come out straight and ask him!

The clue, whatever she wanna ask him, she should begin a conversation about that.

gawk: that seems desperate too i am a guy, ladies asking personal question seems cheap and unwanted.. she has every natural instinct to be desperate, use my tactics just act u were just following him unemotionally do not force it but if he stops you from accompanying him then he's not proud of you in taste and preference

Still a wrong move!!!!!!!

Asking a guy a personal question once in a while is not being desperate.

Madam, this is a delicate issue, honestly I'm scared to say a word cos this is marriage we are talking about here.

So I'm gonna ask, pls answer me.....is divorce an option for you? Do you have a job?

gawk: here is a good way to know how he feels about you....try accompanying him to his house act like you are just strolling with him, if he drives go home with him... guyz say their mind when they feel at home, but you must be careful he might be a molester, activate ur brains

Wrong move! Too soon!


Baby, hang out with him first (it could be in his car, strolling etc, don't talk much about you. Find what he likes and talk about it. Just throw in some personal question once in a while..................don't be too much in a hurry ok.

Just be his friend first!

miekova: yeah am afraid so.. ouch but that would hurt me anyway i wish there was a way i could find out how he feels about me without asking

Don't be scared baby. The only way you can find out is getting closer to him! But while you do that, just be careful so that you don't lose your respect!

Like I said, just be his friend.

[quote author=miekova][/quote]Did he give you the number? If he did place the first call, then watch him, how he reacts and reciprocates. If you get a positive outcome just be his friend, things will work themselves out.

I'm in the same situation, menh......its not easy.....sometimes I get really shy but I guess what I feel for him overcomes my shyness.

Just make sure you guys are on the same page.....as in he wants to be ur friend too.

Go ahead and ask him for his number, its not a big deal ok.

deshclones: smh...forming like one cool ajebutter...you wey dey roll tyre for street..smh

Now I can't get my mind off kissing. Op see wetin you dey cause now..........

Tell me the kind of things she likes and how passionate she is about them. This will give you a clue. And remember to get her something you can afford.

joeydozzy: smh you don't know what to buy for your gf and you're coming to ask us? get her a vibbrator then

You too like bad things joor!

Oh No! Op don't do this to me! How do I go back to my house after this flood? This picture will scare me forever!

Not in a relationship anyway. But the guy I really really like is not like this one bit.

Hmmmmmmm, menh I don't think she loves u oooo, did I just say think? Oh no!......guy that babe no love you joor! Stop sending her recharge card biko! Ana emere nwanyi ona emere onye di ya nma! She dey use ur recharge card dey call other guys.

No! I don't support it and I will NEVER try it.

Ogugua; What I want to tell you is this, no woman will constantly sleep with a man and not get anything attached! We just tell ourselves that to make us feel better which is a huge lie! Both white and Black, Red and Yellow!

Babe, my phone battery is down. Will get back to you later.

@Ogugua; oh God! You don't just get it do you! All woman are like that! Sex means something to us! Now when a woman is emotional unstable she tends to think so! A woman cannot keep having casual sex with a man and control her emotions but a man can!

A man can dislike you but still sleep with you all the time, a woman on the other hand cannot (even if you pay her)!

ogugua88: Not all women are like this. Because women are known as the emotional species doesn't mean that all of them cling to everything and everyone. By the way, not all men are like that either. Just as people think all women care, some don't. Just as people think all men don't care, some do.

You don't sound like someone who knows how 70% of abroad works o. Have you not seen or heard of "Sex & the City"? "Desperate Housewives"? "The Bachelorette"? Why were these shows/movies so popular? They spoke to women. Those who wanted to experience that life, and those who saw their lives being portrayed on screens. You would be surprised at how some women go through men like Kleenex.

Baby girl, all women are like that! Unless she is emotionally unstable! Maybe she is mad at the moment. S3x means something to women!

I don't really follow sex and the city but I follow desperate wives............Gabrila cheated on her husband and developed feelings for the guy. Tom Scavo cheated, had a daughter, no feelings........Bree cheated with the intention of not falling for karl and ended up felling for him.

In one tree hill, Broke Davies slept around, but she called herself a mess.

My dear, sex will always mean something to a woman, we tell ourselves that to console ourselves.

ogugua88: Well, it depends. In Morgan Freeman's case, yes, as it was his former step-granddaughter that he married. Other instances? Hugh Hefner and his wives. Donald Trump and his wives. Keyword being wives lol. As for others, it may not be that way. I certainly don't think that's how it is in the Ford/Flockhart marriage. They're both rich.



Yes. Lol. Till today.



Lol, you think Kim Kardashian took the hit? She's worth much more than Ray J. Sadly, Ray J was Whitney Houston's boyfriend when she passed. He's had his own reality tv show, found a girl, and they broke up. I don't think people know Ray J like that. He's still referred to as the guy who did the video with Kim Kardashian. Everyone knows Kim Kardashian. She's famous. She has clothing lines. She's starting ANOTHER show in Miami. She's dating Kanye West. Most importantly? She says she's happy. Sounds like she won to me.

Now what happens when you see an older woman with a way young guy? Can we just tell ourselves the truth? When a woman is with a way older man, she is tagged a gold digger, when she is with a way younger man, she is tagged sex starved.

@ ogugua; you think kim was worth it? ................that s3x tape and the s3x symbol she portrays are the reason Americans hate her!

ogugua88: Sex is not everything. Some people can have casual relationships, where sex is involved, and not have deep feelings for the partner. It is 2012. Some people are intimate and move on, men and women alike. Being intimate with someone does not mean he or she is your compliment. It takes a relationship involving a lot more than intimacy to be sustainable.

Because a key enters a lock does not mean the key should be seen as the male's reproductive organ. A relationship truly isn't that simple.

As for the OP's question, I gave a direct answer a while back. Whether you caught it or not is a different story.

Now this is one blatant lie! A man can keep having sex with you and not feel a thing, but a woman can't control her emotions(unless she's been paid to shut it off, which is not really possible). we just tell ourselves (women) that not to feel hurt or shame.

@Ogugua: I'm gonna tell you something........and let's not deviate from the argument! When you see a younger woman with an old man, one thing comes to the mind of people "oh she is a gold digger" "she is with him cos of his money" bla bla bla and all that.

Now let me quote you "Whitney Houston smoked weed with her daughter. I don't see reason to argue with those who think she wasn't the greatest mom. Her daughter isn't exactly a star child herself. Bobby Brown didn't influence Bobbi Kristina alone." Was Bobby Brown ever tagged a bad father? Despite the fact he did drugs with them?


You might be with Kim K when she gained ground, what happened to the guy she made that s3x tape with? when stars make s3x tape who takes the hit? The guy or the babe?

What are we even arguing about?

sholly give chance joor! Ogugua is a million times better than you. Don't u see how she backs her argument up with practical examples? what are u even doing abroad if I may ask? Cos nne u lack knowledge!

Back up your argument with practical examples or just watch us do our thing.

ogugua88: Don't mutilate my analogy. Sleeping with someone doesn't mean you've unlocked anything. There is more to the definition of a relationship than sex. Anyone can sleep around, especially today. Sex can have absolutely no meaning and come with no attachments. The key-and-lock analogy does not refer only to sex but everything that makes a relationship whole and sustainable. Intimacy, love, trust, respect, etc.

I'm sorry baby girl, but this thread is all about s3x!

Who says s3x comes with no attachment? Keep telling yourself that! Its just a flimsy excuse runs girls use! S3x comes with a lot of psychological attachment, especially for the woman.


Bible recorded of men that had numerous wives, but the only woman that did that was tagged "Evil"

Ofcourse marry Magdalene was also tagged evil until she had an encounter with Christ!

, sholly stop ranting like a mad dog, u are simply an abandoned project! Whoever that was awarded your contract did a terrible job!

@ Ogugua, no my dear, kim K is not hated for that! Go and get your facts straight! She is not the only star without a talent!!!
Whitney was American sweetheart no doubt! But she paid more price cos she was a woman! And many people are of the opinion that she failed as a woman and a mother!
Lean Rimes apologised to her husband who forgave her and took her back, but later divorced her cos he live with it. Still get ur facts straight!

As for J.Lo, oh no! , there is a stigma associated with a WOMAN dating younger men! Not men!

I have actually read sholly ranting up and down like a mad dog, dragging this to "slavery or slave trade"

Slave trade did not enter Africa cos of their weakness, it entered as a result of their strength! If the American Indianas were strong, no body would have remembered African!

The American Indiana or whatever they called them were the first slaves! But they were let out of the hook because of their weakness, mosquitoes, and colour advantage!


, Americans love stories but they forget their own history.

Feminists are confused girls............one of the disadvantages they have is men treat them as modern slaves.

Still throwing more light so that kids will understand, using people in the western world.......

Bobby Brown and Withney did drugs together, but withney took the hit more than Bobby, which all celebrities commented on including Celine Dion!

Kim k is despised by people especially the American becos of her lifestyle, yea she is seen as a person who doesn't uphold the values and dignity of women.........but there are plenty of hollywood baddest boys who still gain people's respect!

J.Lo is equally seen as hollywood ashi cos of her marital failures.......and her likes for younger men , oh well she is a success career wise.

Sophia Bush (Tree Hills Brooke Davies) leaves tongues wagging cos she has dated many of her co-stars, married Chad Murray Micheal, dated James Lafferty and Nicholas..........her relationship pattern made waves. Now actually Chad cheated on her, the press knew but it didn't make waves.

Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods cheated on their wives, they made front pages, divorce attorney lobbied (yea because of what they will gain from the divorce), the women were beyond hurt (ofcourse I will be hurt), but they stood by their cheating husbands. Don't even say its becos of money cos it would have been a win win situation. Now have you wondered what the situation would have been if we reversed it?

Lean Rimes or whatever her name is (A singer) cheated on her husband..........he divorced her.

I'm not a football fan, but I know there were 2 friends (guys) who almost lost it on the football pitch becos one slept with the other one's ex girlfriend o. Imagine how his ego took it!


its good for a woman to know her place in the family and society at large but do it with dignity, without bringing your man down! Men like to rule, no man will ever be with a woman who constantly challenges him. Letting in a man be in charge won't hurt! It doesn't make you weak either! Its only a bully that will abuse that honour.


Now let's examine these two Nigerian women! Ngozi Okonji Iwela and Allison Madueke...........I really came to understand these women during the subsidy regime.

Mrs. Madueke brought so much anger in the mind of Nigerians especially the people protesting with her rudeness. A man advise GEJ on national television and I quote "if you want to win this course, hide Allison Madueke" I watched her on Town Hall meeting on petrol Deregulation or whatever they call it.

But Ngozi, God bless that woman! When she talks you listen, she is mild yet firm! She took her time to answer every little question (sometimes provoking) thrown at her. I followed her on facebook, I admired her humility, even when she was insulted, she still took time to explain how things work! Now these are the kind of women I respect! These are the kind of women people respect! She inspires me, and a lot of ladies. I'm a beautiful woman but if I can be that powerful yet humble? Oh God pls help me.

I'm not an advocate of women battery, no! Men around me know me, know my strength and what I stand for, yet they respect me! Has any man laid a finger on me before? Hell no! Although my dad did.

If being an empowered and "equality" woman is what sholly displays here? then I at her.

What she displays on here is lack of home training.........GBAM!