₦airaland Forum

This is funny and very lame if you would ask me. If I went to school to be a Dr and I introduce my self as Dr whatever- how would that be an issue. My dear the worst person to lie to is yourself. If you are a Christian ; say it act it. If you are a virgin say it if you choose to- its a free world. Why should you be attacked for saying who you are. If you are not a virgin- say it if you want to..If you are a hoe- say it and be proud of it. We all have been given choices and we all would have to live up to the consequences of our choices. Shikena.

You are right virgins might not talk about it- because it is not the popular thing to say. However keeping quiet does not make it right.The way people speak up against slavery or corruption as being wrong is the same way people should speak up that being a virgin might not be the order of the day but it is in line with the word of God and certainly the right thing to do. I can't count how many young ladies have found this information beneficial.
Let me add there is nothing wrong in telling a guy straight up where you stand- it makes the elimination process easier and also you avoid uncomfortable situations. A guy shouldn't feel comfortable talking trash to a girl who has clearly stated where she stands. If you for whatever reason try to go with a guys flow - then don't feel disrespected if he does or says anything stupid.

Your knowledge is all encompassing and to your wisdom there is no end. You alone are God you are God alone.

cikadile: I am a professional, earn some money, at least enough for my needs
I got engaged in January, to a guy about 4 years older, a banker...
he says he loves me....that he will make me love him, etc
I agreed..from Jan till date, he never has sent me recharge card, has never bought me a present, when I traveled to visit him, he asked, "you have transport money right?" Of cos I said yes...on arrival to his town the 1st, and other times, he took me to his home in a keke. (my 1st time to visit, I swear)

He also never gave me an engagement present, not even a ring
He never tips people, and wanted to kill an old keke driver over 10 or 20 naira change
Has DSTV but never subscribes cos he says he gets back late from work, and so won't waste money...not even when I visit does he subscribe, and I love watching football
One time I did our trad wear shopping, da vida for 2 it was 7400, my alert came, it had 7400 exactly!
I wanted to change my tires, he said I should not do that without telling him, on D day I text him, he texts, "ask for Michelin bla bla bla!" I really thought he wanted to for the 1st time spend money on me

I was going for an update, had to fly, register, and book a hotel room for 2 weeks- a big venture, even though I work,it was not easy.. I was delayed cos I was looking for money, he calls and goes like, "why didn't you go yst? After everything he gives me 0 naira
He used to send me call me sms until I said it was not cool
He never called to gist or talk...only once did his call last for 16 minutes...
He knew my phone was bad, he only told me to buy a nokia

He twice drove my car till just close to reserve, I mentioned I was scared my fuel wld not be enough to take me to work, both instances he told me, "you don't know the car you have, toyotas can run on reserve for days!"
I don't know how to ask a guy for things, I expect them to give me if they want...but this guy just never did...it goes on and on

I know I am up to 30, I know he is way less than 40, I know men are scarce, I called off the engagement last week...
In time we will return bride price, etc...I am just happy now, there is very little to give back

Guys, it is good that a babe works, etc so is independent...but when you give zero present to a woman before marriage, it sucks...I remember he said he wld make me love him as much as he did me...he only made my love go from 40% to less than 5%...and I had to run
In fact, his declarations of love began to sound like a joke to me
I became more intolerant of his flaws, and before long, I said my good-bye

Maybe some women are too materialistic, but some men are too tight fisted

Trust me, during my house job days, I used to give my then boyfriend (not same guy) one third of my salary as he had no job
I even bought a small gas cooker for his (this banker that is) parents' home, as these old people were cooking with a tiny stove...I am just trying to establish that I am not a stingy babe, or a gold-digger

May none of you women experience what I did

The day of my intro should have warned me...He came to borrow my car to use and bring over his parents to my house..(his car was, and still is at the mechanic's for repair, from that Jan till date o..I never did see the car meanwhile)...my snobbish mind felt he should have gotten a cab..I refused sha, it was gonna be a bad impression

So guys, is this strange to you too?
I need answers


P.S...he was a faithful, nice enough guy, but meeeen, I could not go ahead..I was spooked off
but I now wonder, is it that he wanted to marry a professional he would not have to give money, or in my case, spend a kobo on?
Or that he did not have it...hearing now that UBA HND people are not paid much...but I mean, not even to give a little?

This one pass me o

We all have different backgrounds and upbringing . I personally think the reasons stated were not good enough reasons to call off the engagement- but then again what do I know?
I agree with emiye- you should have sat him down and spoken to him about your concerns. You just cannot assume things especially when the guy is not talking. It could be that things are a bit tight for him and he understands and is thankful for a girl who understands his current situation. It could also be that he is just not a giving person. We could assume several other things - best case scenario would be to sit him down and see where he is coming from.
You sound like you are doing better than him financially and you knew that before delving in to the relationship. I would have said to be a little more patient with him. He is not lazy- he works and he seems to care .All being said, you are the one wearing the shoes and you know exactly where it hurts- If you have peace with your decision then stay with it. But if you are thinking twice- maybe I shouldn't have done that- make things right asap. I wish you the best dear.

One of the best threads ever on NL! It's about time we stand and be a voice in our generation for the right thing regardless of what the society tries to portray as being "okay". No matter how much we as humans try to twist the word of God to suite us - the word would never change.
I sincerely get tired sometimes talking about this- especially when the person is so bent and has so many reasons to back up what is clearly a sin. I result to keeping quiet- as long as it does not change my actions or what I believe in. This thread stresses the importance of speaking up and not being quiet! - you just never know the impact you would be making.
The issue of marriage and relationship seems very complicated especially when we try to do things on our own and exclude God. It's like doing the work of the ministry without the help of the Holy Spirit - you would work twice as hard.

Asoro matase , the all sufficient one, alewilese aliselewi , the almighty, ancient of days , Elohim ,alpha & omega,.....

I sincerely do not know. It's been one story or the other - and what makes it worse is that his attitude towards me has changed 360 . I miss him so much because he is my best friend and now he wouldn't even see me and limits talking to me. It's been 2 months and I still feel like I'm in a nightmare that I need to wake up from. I also had to write 2 board exams feeling this way- thank God I made it!

He wasn't perfect but I loved him and accepted his flaws . I was also at peace that I was in God's will. I have pleaded with him against the wish of my family and friends but at this point I would do anything to get my peace back. Things have not been the same for 2 months now- even though I have numerous things to be thankful for this year- I have not had the opportunity to enjoy them. I don't know how long this would last but one thing I know is I am exhausted. It's easy for you to say move on; its not the end of the world. I would say the same- that's the logical thing to do but the reality is different.

I am the girl who is always smiling, playful and happy but I find myself now in deep thoughts and tears rolling down my cheeks .My life seems like its slipping away- and It does not help that I just moved to a new place and started a new job. The worst of all the emotions I feel right now is that of betrayal- he sees the effect this is having on me and does nothing about it. Let me add that its hard but I still trust God . ( Theme song I trust you lord Donnie Mcclurkin)

Okay enough of my story- I smile because I can imagine the "smart comments" that would follow this post :-) gotta to love nairaland !!!

It's the right but difficult thing to do :-(

Lol

Habakkuk 2:3

For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

obowunmi: Explain - I don't understand. His point is that "persistence" is key?

Your question was why would God lead you to someone who would say no. Mko answered by stating the fact that only God knows. In the case of Moses God knew Pharaoh would say no. Also God does not exercise authority over us he gives us a free will- so if a lady or guy you are led to says no you can choose to be persistent or you can be led to another.

obowunmi: You didn't answer the question.

He actually did- try reading his response again.

goofie: i get ur point. why plan for the future if God hs ordained it? why wld u need counselling too? marriages r made in heaven but the work hs to be done on earth.
let me assume tht u meet a woman and u plan ur wedding in the space of three months, wht do u do within those three months?do u see her at all?do u spend time 2geda?do u talk? or do u just wait 4 d wedding day and continue from der?

Goofie if courting entails planning for the future together then I have nothing against it. But when it's a trial and error process then it's either the individuals involved have not heard from God or they simply do not trust Gods choice. I totally agree with you there is work to be done in understanding each other, setting goals and all but it shouldn't be a time for sampling.

I totally agree with mko and goofie your missing his point. If you pray for direction from God and your certain that you have found the one why court?-aka studying the person and all. I also grew up with courting doctrines - I heard that day in day out and to be sincere with you it has no biblical backings and most denominations try to limit it to a year now.
When you pray and God shows you the one- you guys can spend time in preparing for your future together- be it through counseling or financial planning and so on. But if you are courting the person 'God' has already shown you to be the one - to see if they change- of what use is that?-even if they change that is Gods choice for you. Or are you doubting God's choice.
The key point here is seeking divine direction from above. We are so limited and no amount of studying would be enough. We have to let go and let God.

Hmm ...

Lol...

Lol... Just wondering why guys are responding to this question...

Thanks a lot- very timely :-) Fingers crossed...

I wish it was as easy as this- in reality it is a hard process especially for a person like me

Ikokore :-)

Like seriously, it's a lie, are you kidding me, wow...