₦airaland Forum

bellong:
I only need to interact with a lady for some hours before I understand who she is. Some things can't be faked.

Hmmmmm! @bellong. That's scary. You may be jumping to conclusion a lot if you meet a very complicated lady like me. Even my co-workers for many years still say they don't understand me..

bellong:
"If you meet a lady,..... date her at least 6months... .

If you know what you want, 6 months is too much knowing some basic and fundamental things about a person.

What's the rush for if you love her? Invest time and effort in building quality friendship first before marriage. Don't marry then try to build friendship into it. You may be seeing someone's, freshened, happy and good mood yet you haven't known his/her angry, sick, moody, under pressure, etc moods.

What we see in dating most times is the 'Active mode', and not the 'ghost or silent modes'. "..People don't throw stones when they are happy, rather they do when they are angry..and stones hurt.."

Is there anything as a ‘Christian Girl’ in a relationship?

I am motivated to educate some brothers who keep lamenting they got fooled by a ‘Christian Girl’ in a relationship. Please is there any such thing as a Christian girl in relationships?

In my opinion there’s only a good and bad girl irrespective of her religion or background.

Here are some different kinds of so-called ‘Christian girls that frustrate men in relationships:

The Virgin Club:
This club are found in most churches and very easily advertising they are virgins and are proud of it. Unfortunately most are already over 30 and not yet married. Hmmm! There’s nothing bad in remaining a virgin before marriage, but that’s not a sole quality to be a successful wife and mother. Many people married as virgins yet either divorced or had rocky marriages. A man will easily go for a non-virgin with brains and positive attitude to life than a virgin who has no ambitions. There’s more happening in a marriage than just s..ex.

The Prayer Warriors:
These ones are busy praying on everything but don’t recognize when the opportunity has come. They rent the air each night shouting for breakthrough in Marriage, yet they don’t even date, and scare men away with their ‘holier than thou’ attitude. I heard about such a lady who this year alone had more than 3 eligible men asking her out for dates, which she turned down saying she got revelations they’re not her husbands. Hmmm! I will advise such people to relocate to biblical Israel, where God’s voice could be heard in the wilderness. Nigeria may not be the best place for them.

The Pastors’ Maids:
This group must seek their pastors’ counsel before they even wash their underwear. Unfortunately most are merely seeking pastors’ attention to look like ‘good’ girls. Some Nigerian pastors as we know them are full of deceits and lead double lives. Some even keep these girls as mistresses and practically stop them from marrying with fake visions in order to keep enjoying them. It’s good to have a pastor pray along with you for wisdom, but relying on a pastor to make every decision simply means you are not fit and matured enough to marry yet.

The Creepy Saints:
This group are usually the pretty, elegant attention grabbers - Church girls in the day and ‘runs girls’ at night; also known as Facebook and Whatsapp pastors. Their FB wall is full of bible quotes yet take a look at their picture gallery- no difference in their dressing with that of a club-girl. Many Nigerians abroad have narrated how such girls fooled them into relationships but on visiting Nigeria they met a completely different personality. Some even replace their sim cards or block the men on Whatsapp to avoid any contact once they hear he’s in Nigeria. The tip is if u be-friend such a so-called Christian and she asks you for money or begs you to buy/ship things to her in before even seeing you, delete her right away. She belongs to this club.

My Advice To Guys
If you meet a lady, take time to know her, date her at least 6 months, build the friendship first, try and bond, open your eyes to every sign of deceit before flashing the ‘M’ (marriage) word. If the friendship isn’t working don’t even try to jump to Marriage. Marriage works best between best friends. Focus on looking for a good girl irrespective of her background and avoid those 'advert boards' designed to deceive, if you want peace of mind.

All the Luck, guys!

KanwuliaJara:
Your friends may have told you they joined oil companies, banks and all that jazzz. . . DID YOU GO TO CONFIRM?
If you came to the civilized world to rack up credit card debts. . . it only means one thing. . .YOU ARE LIVING ABOVE YOUR MEANS.
If your idea of joining 'POLITHIEVES' is a yardmark of success. . . .
I personally know people who have been disappointed about going home and had to BEG FOR MONEY TO PURCHASE PLANE TICKETS to escape NIGERIA!!! I can count 5!!!



Now. . . what kinds of jobs do these 'progressives' do without joining a LOOTACRACY?

You people can only fool FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS. . .who are very ignorant of the socio-economic climate in AFRICA. . .AKA WHO KNOW MAN CULT!

Until I can see one individual who has not been initiated into the the Lootocratic cult of governmental thieves. . . . you fail to make any valid point here.

PROVE IT!

Hmmm! Abeg! I beg to differ. All my siblings are back home none has ever been in politics or held a political position, yet they are all better off and visit abroad at will and go back. All my friends I talked about none is a politician, I visit Nigeria every year and visit some of them and their families..they basically have everything we have here and even more in their homes. Pls note that international staff in Nigeria earn same as their colleagues abroad but spend less of it... also some banks in Nigeria are known to pay higher than banks in USA for same positions, same as some oil corporations in Nigeria (these are not politicians)....I think it depends on the type of people you interact with.

KanwuliaJara:
Only because AFRICA FAILED THEM and keeps failing them!
If the 'ones' in your so-called AFRICA can't build YOUR AFRICA. . .
Why then do you think the 'exilees' by choice can come home and do just that?

HOW MANY DISGRUNTLED AFRICANS have moved back home and RETURNED. . . .BACK TO THE DIASPORA WITH TALES OF WOE?
Hunger nearly killed ALL OF THEM!
THEY LOST EVERYTHING, including HOPE!
They learned their lessons well!

Sista u're not 100% correct, ma. There're several successful stories of many Africans who got fade up of the cycle of debt & credit cards abroad and packed their bags back home who are today doing excellently well and even come on vacation with their families to abroad. The point you made that is right is that there are problems back home so there are people Nigeria won't favor even if u make dem MD of a bank. There are also millions of people the country is working for. So let some of us who live abroad stop thinking we are generally better off than those back home.

However, the writer's yardstick was 'long-term assessment (after 15 years)' . Honestly, I can tell u that somehow he is right. I know what my friends back home who joined banks, parastatals, oil companies, lecturing etc have become today...we still dey here dey fill timesheets..

Hmmmmmm! (long pause).....walai talai sometime I feel like going back home bc dem no tell me well about this yankee land say water full garri, no be small.

Anyhow there are some truth in the write-up, however people who were very poor and needy back in Nigeria b4 they waka travel abroad will forever thank God for traveling abroad even if they're washing plates abroad, at least they can eat and own a car. On the other hand people who were doing well in Nigeria will find life abroad very messed up...walai! Some people want more from life than just food, fine clothes, neat car, and nice environment. such people are the group this article is talking to.

As for me I don tire with this yankee sef! God punish BH!!!!

Lovetinz:
It is a process, not an act.

1). Once you identify a suitable mate with the potentials of being your life-partner (after few lots of serious dates)?

The process should begin. It terminates on or before your official engagement.

Ok thanks dear. You said 'Terminate' meaning no more contacts with them, or no more relationship with them?

Please at what point in a relationship phase should you let old intimate friends go?

We all hope to be devoted to only one man/women as a life partner one day. It’s kind of tricky these days with the rising level of disappointments and heartbreak from men/women. Many people feel like they don’t want to put keep all their eggs in one basket and therefore take the option of keeping other relationships as insurance. People may call this being unfaithful, but any single lady above 30 can tell how many times men have broken their promises to her. But then if your current partner caches you, the relationship is history. Therefore it becomes a risky game. Someone advised yesterday to never sack your other intimate friends rather transit them to family friends. Hmmm! Considering that most cheating and infidelity usually happens with ex-sweethearts (with sweet old memories) they become a source of serious temptation each time you are at low spirit or facing challenges in ur current relationship.

So may I politely ask for your advice. At what point in a relationship phase should one let other close or intimate friends go?

1). Once you identify a suitable mate with the potentials of being your life-partner (after few serious dates)?
2). Once your relationship becomes intimate (just to keep to one intimate partner)?
3). Once two of you start going out in the public, thereby making the relationship public?
4). Once he/she indicates interest through serious actions that you will be life-partners?
5). After a verbal or non-verbal proposal like meeting your parents, relatives pastor etc?
6). After an official engagement with a ring (also called wine-carrying)?
7). Only after an official wedding ceremony?
8 ). Or never let other ‘close’ friends go..Well, keep them for what?

berem: No one has given any tangible reasons to the Op's questions. I am so interested in the topic too.
I wanna also know why some men do not ej.aculate on time biko.

My Sister, I don taya. Are there no medical experts and experienced nurses that use Nairaland or what? Someone needs real solution to a real problem some people are pretending it's not an issue. There's not a whole lot of materials on the internet on this. Even the self-service people are suggesting here, some internet posts suggests it contributes to the problem. We need expert opinions abeg.

donroxy: I'm a case study for real ..... I search and search the internet but only cure for pre-mature ejaculation abound the internet with little article on PostMatured !

1. More of MIND issues ... Too much of discipline, Focus and sex-orientations can lead to this wierdness ...!!

I also read High pressured Masturbation could make the dic:k not to receive the same effect of pressure from the soft tissues of Vagin:a thus Ejaculation become difficult through the varjayjay !!


2. Mind control , freakness of the lady in bed and eating adequate proteinous food help ...... atleast , ejaculation will happen after 5minutes of instructing the brain to do so ( the lady won't know) !!


Lastly, there is no reason to hurt anybody , the only discomfort I found in a ''lady'' is just the dissappointment that you didn't ''cum'' for her ....... When she is tired/satisfied we stopped !!

Thanks for the contribution. Honestly, I SMH on people who try to blame this on the size of the woman's tract. Obviously they have little knowledge of the anatomy of the woman's body. Please for their information the size of a woman's tract has nothing to do with her being promiscuous or not rather on the fatty tissues that line the tract. Skinny girls have less tissues and obviously appear wider while fat ladies have a lot of fatty tissues lining the tract and appear tighter. However, some men like it wide, some like it tight. Different strokes. Don't judge the lady by how wide her tract is.

anselm791: Most women out there are NOT dying in silence because of this problem, premature ejaculation on the other hand is, and the women are not keeping mum about that. Anyway lots of fore play usu takes care of staying too long.

Ok. Thanks for the suggestion in the bolded.

Truth24: We dey find better cure for premature ejaculation and u're here saying .........

I know my brother, but more than one hour on top of a lady becomes punishment... remember it's flesh you are rubbing on plus both partners get too tired, sweating profusely to continue. Sometime they have to stop without the man releasing..

Hello good people, and experienced medics in the house I have few quick questions:

1. What causes some men to stay too long during s*ex (sometime upto one hour or more) before ej*aculation?

2. What practical steps/therapy can you suggest to such a man to help him release without staying too long?


Most women out there are dying in silence as a result of this problem but don't know how to complain to avoid hurting the ego of the man. This causes discomfort for a woman as both partners sweat profusely, get tired, often gets tears and bruises thereby taking the fun away. This issue comes up frequently during girl-talks.

Thanks for all your useful input.

But there are active and passive pressures. Both are dangerous. It's active when you verbalize it and beg to be married. It's passive when the lady plays game like getting pregnant, moving in with the man, going to church to get prophecies and visions that God said.... and sometime bribing their way to the heart of the man using money, gifts, and overdose of se**x. No girl with dignity will beg for to be married. "A princess doesn't stoop low to have food if her father is truly a king, that's for maid servants". Every girl with self-esteem was raised with the mindset of a princess - she is lady-like, mild, vocal, firm, goal-oriented, independent, has values and self-worth. Any woman who contributes only se**x in a relationship will beg for proposal and to be married, but a woman who brings other values in a relationship, a man will kneel down to beg her for marriage.

Remember if you carry wuru-wuru enter, dem go carry gara-gara commot you. But if u enter jeje, na so u go sidon kuleee!

Ok. first if you live abroad two of you should seek the services of a certified professional marriage counselor before you destroy your marriage. Lying could be pathological or habitual like smoking. They are dangerous but people get addicted to them anyway. It could also be due to fear of repercussions or feeling of insecurity if the liar feels that telling the truth will attract punishment.

Is she afraid of you? Is she worried about losing your love? Does she feel insecure in the marriage? Do you flair up and threaten her when she does some things you don't like? Are you yourself being open and honest to her to instill a mutual trust?, Is she fulfilled in the marriage? Is the financial, educational, social gap between you too wide that it looks more like a boss-servant relationship? etc

Find the cause of an illness and treat it and not just the symptom.

My dear I have a little advice for you. What you see in the church, malls, schools, streets etc are often cleaned up, dulled up, cute, adorable looking kids and i know they make you want to have your own. They are not always like that. It takes the patience of a woman and motherly instincts to take care of a baby 0 - 5years. I dare you get two little puppies and live with them first if you can't then respect yourself.

Little exercise, drinking Beer and eating Carbs (garri, yam, etc) after 9pm. Simple!

Godmystrength: All these because of cake?

Not really, but watch closely and see the adult hand that pushed the kid's head down into the cake that caused the tantrum. That's what I'm addressing...the Cause and effects...

A guy who has mastered what most Nigerian sisters want to hear ....big, fat, impressive lies to show off wealth they don't have to impress a gullible mind that falls for money and affluence....you will attract the desires of your heart doesn't mean the desires of your heart is something good and will work for you.... trust me several of our ladies in Naija will die for this type of guy hoping to get something....LoL!

The surest recipe to a very horrible bad marriage is marrying for the wrong reasons. Many men marry beautiful bodies they want to monopolize for s*ex and call them wives, when the s*ex dries out then monster in the beautiful body shows up. On the other hand, many ladies marry either for money, to travel abroad, position of authority or to please relatives/society but down the line they find out they can't eat paper money, 'authority' doesn't make good love, relatives/society will abandon you shortly after the wedding reception.

There is no perfect marriage out there without some issues but invest time in friendship, and marry your best friend no matter what she looks like, or what he has and increase your chances of peace of mind in marriage. Ladies stop abandoning your age-long boyfriends who invested time and resources on you. Men stop abandoning ladies who had multiple abortions for you and cleaned you up when you were a mess.

I advocate for 6 months cohabitation before marriage. Take a walk if cohabitation is not working.

I don't get it... A doctor said you have no medical problems and yet you can't conceive? Have you and your husband gone to a fertility treatment center? Unknown to many people men are actually responsible for most conception problems but ego does not allow them to admit it. If they will accept it on time and go for treatment like most ladies do, that will help increase the chances of conception. The problem is that most couple waste precious years at Native doctor's and their better-dressed counterparts called 'prayer houses' than seeking professional help at fertility center. Have you wondered why most people who have problems having kids in Nigeria travel to more developed countries and same people have kids? - the answer is science-based fertility treatment.

To answer your question, adoption has nothing to do with filling the void of not having kids, it's about giving a better life to a needy baby in a loving, caring home. A woman with 6 kids could still adopt to give a better life to another child. So there's no better time to adopt a child than when you are ready and prepared to give a better life to a a child who would otherwise not have it.

Goes to show Kids have emotions and feelings too. They are not just kids but little human beings; adults are just bigger than they are. So when you as an adult punish a kid, yell at her, abuse her, beat her up, force her to do stuff etc remember you are practically imposing your size on her because she cannot fight back. Imagine how you will feel too if a much muscular, bigger person do same to you because he is bigger in size. In general adults relatively do more foolish things than kids but get away with it..they pee on toilet seat and don't clean it, they use restrooms and don't wash their hands, they store p.orns on their computers and phones, they lie more than 100 times a day, they burn food, they are ungrateful, they fight with weapons and massacre people, they riot and burn houses, they steal and loot treasuries, they don't forgive little things, they will do anything because of s*ex and money...etc yet we call them adults.

If you have been talking with a friend in need who wants to visit your state from out of state, and two of you agreed that she will stay in your house because she indicated she knew nobody in the state. You started making extra arrangements for her, cleaning and stocking on food to make her visit a pleasant one. She even asked you for help to purchase a ticket because she had no money, which you did. Suddenly after the ticket was purchased she called to inform you that she would be staying with her ‘friend’ rather. Then you wondered that this person earlier said she had no friend in town, and also why the sudden change of plan?

Please don't make any assumptions the friend is good or bad. I simply want to know if you are in this situation, considering the efforts you already put in (including the ticket you bought), how will you handle this matter, and how will you treat this person if she finally arrives town? Will you still 'roll out a carpet' for her as planned or simply 'take a back seat' when she arrives?

Why is this in the news anyway? Do we clap or pity or take sides or what?

But that's the type of news an average Nigerian with very materialistic inclinations wants to hear...so why not feed them with craps? In civilized world who cares if you own a ship or a spacecraft. Gullible people sha!

Somebody said Nigeria is undergoing a collective karma going by the terrible bad things happening in the country right now. In a country where 80% cannot either be trusted or are outrightly unscrupulous. Yet we cheer and clap when people perpetrate evil. Did we expect evil to go unpunished? Naa..evil never go unpunished (Karma)

My prayer is may you, reading this, be in that 20% who are still trustworthy and reliable. But honestly I feel very sorry for the 80%. They have no idea what the wrath of God means if we don't shape up. Maybe the story of Haiti isn't enogh lesson. May God help us all.

I don't care what it is. This baby and her mom are just simply adorable. May God bless you and keep your youthful mom alive and healthy to walk you down the isle one day. Awwww! You are beautiful!!!

I don't care what it is. This baby and her mom are just simply adorable. May God bless you and keep your youthful mom alive and healthy to walk you down the isle one day. Awwww! You are beautiful!!!

litetias: Fact is, if I was not Nigerian I probably wouldn't want my daughter marrying one. I'd probably think, just like the rest of the world does, that they're all criminals

Ooh.. Jehovah!!! So if we also know we are like that, why are we always proud of such a negative quality and boast about it?

ferdimako: I have not seen a rich guy being rejected by any lady for marriage. You know money covers the young women's senses and her mother has learnt.

They all wanna marry the rich and comfortably-off dudes not minding habits and how d cash rolls in...when d chips are down they run back to mama crying...I didn't know... he said he loved me. Prevention is now!

I love your last sentence though.

True talk though. That's just it. We all like money no matter how much we pretend. The only bad thing is when you allow that love for money blind you and you are no longer rational. I have said it before that there should be a difference between whom you can date, and whom you can marry. If a boyfriend wants to lavish me with money and gifts, let it rain...but I'll be very cautious marrying such a man if I find out that's just his habit because he will surely waste our family savings on mistresses. Smart girls may date a dude for money but will never marry for money. Remember I said 'Smart girls'

Litmus: The Cameroonian mother is indirectly right. In many instances, Nigerian men that marry women of other African nations are lazy wimps. Marrying Nigerian women can be very expensive and a lot of responsibility is demanded of a Nigerian husband in terms of working, making money and providing for a wider family. Faced with the enormous expectation and discipline required to become a Nigerian husband to Nigerian woman, Some Nigerian men take the easy option of marrying to women of African nations that are a dime a dozen. Such men are not to be trusted as real men, they are potential none-providers.

Huh? .... , I'm not too sure about what you wrote above. I have many hard-working Nigerian male friends who married ladies from other countries and still takes care of extended families. I am not sure of any lady who will go out there looking for a lazy man to marry, or a man who will be out there searching for a woman who will feed him. It's more of proximity that influences who your friends are, whom you date and and whom you end up marrying...you end up picking from people you are surrounded by irrespective of their color, or country, else you have to travel to marry someone from your country or tribe. So I beg to differ.

coogar: your colleague is not ready to marry yet or her groom-to-be is a retärd. i don't see how any parent can stop me from marrying a girl i want unless the girl herself wants to be stopped.

My dear, every girl's dream is to have a blissful wedding day, with the hall full with friends, relatives and families from both sides. It's a lady's best day she has dreamed for many years. Not everyone wants a wedding celebrated in a restaurant by 14 friends because family is protesting. So while a man may not mind a small wedding with some drama, ladies get destroyed when families fight. So you may not understand if all your friends had such a great well-attended wedding and yours is rocking like this. It's psychologically depleting.