₦airaland Forum

sihom: Guys do not underestimate or take for granted the blessing of a parent over an intended union. Sometimes when they rant & rave there's some gut feeling at work about that potential spouse we as children have presented and want to marry. Gut feelings are hard to explain but its a strong feeling telling you something is not right even when you can't place your finger on what it is.

Parents often see things which we are unable to, because of that emotion called loved. I've seen some relatives & acquaintances run into some serious gbese because they ignored the blessing of a parent. Remember these people took care of you from infancy to adulthood, no man or woman can ever love you like they do.

The least we can do is honour them and try to win them over where potential spouses are concerned.

But prejudice is often based on ignorance, and ignorance is a bad disease. I understand "honor your father and mother" contained in the Bible. So how the two lovers feel doesn't matter in this case? How will you feel if you tried to board a half-empty plane in say Italy, and a hostess walks up and take you to the seat next to the toilet because you are African? You probably would raise hell. We ladies are usually on the receiving end of all this drama especially when your family doesn't want you to be with whom you want to be with, then you marry whom they want and suffer the rest of your life. Can't we use this our over-righteous to solve the myriads of problems plaguing out continent?

A young female colleague from french-speaking Cameroon is in love with a very decent Nigerian man, educated with a good job. They are making plans to get married before Easter next year. Now the girl's parent (especially her mom) is way in the middle of the whole thing, discouraging her daughter, warning her, and even making threats to her to stay away from any Nigerian man because they can't be trusted. In fact, she vowed no one in her family will date a Nigerian man. These young lovers are completely devastated and running to anyone who could help appease her parents but all is falling on deaf ears.

We Africans complain of racism and discrimination abroad but honestly from what I see, we would have been worse than some of the people we criticize. Look at how we discriminate against people from other tribes, religion, sexual orientation, even people of other social class. Rich parents warn their daughters not to date boys from poor families. Yoruba discriminates against Igbo, Igbo discriminates against Hausa, Hausa discriminates against Igbos, Muslims discriminates against Christians, Pentecostals discriminate against Catholics, other countries discriminate against Nigerians, (just for emphasis) etc. Haba! Some of us Africans are way too full of prejudice and hate. Sometime I wonder if this is why we always have plagues, disease epidemics, wars, massacres, hunger, famine, pogroms, etc despite being very religious and blessed with resources.

Africans, please can we stop prejudices to let blessings flow into the continent? God is love! Stop destroying dreams with prejudices!

Gold45: I prefer live in any day. Even if the nanny is trying to do something they don't like to them, they will be able to resist or say no more when they are in their own home than in a daycare. They know where the phone is to call me or daddy should anything go wrong. There are friendly and nosy neighbours around who will let me know if my baby cries unnecessarily when I'm gone. As for child abuse, its not limited to only day care centres. There are many stories of nannies that abuse the children when no one is at home.

I started working as a live in nanny/ sleep over nanny at 19yrs.(The mum works shifts as a doctor). The law was simple, no boyfriends, smoking, drinking or immoral acts in the house. I had my own insurance. I ate with the family, I got hired through an agency and had to provide 3 references which were thoroughly checked. The equivalent of what I was paid is roughly $1600 monthly (considering the amount of inflation between now and then)

Age isn't what matters but strength and experience. All things being equal, I'll prefer someone between 18-36 provided she agrees to my rules

Hope this helps

Wow!! great insight. Thanks sister for the clear and straight-to-the point contribution.

I was expecting to hear more about any psychological set-backs kids have while staying at daycare. Definitely a daycare is only as good as their employees. Honestly there has been some very bad experiences and abuses at daycare center by their employees either deliberately or due to negligence. Some instances include 2 kids (a boy and girl between 5 and 7) who were caught on camera being intimate in the bathroom. Another instance where an older kid of about 14 was physically abusing a toddler while one of the staff didn't pay attention. other cases of disease infections, kids learning foul languages, and daycare staff drugging kids so they can sleep, etc. these stories are very scary.

aisha2: She has breakfast and Lunch at home when Lunch is served, I was thinkingmore in the context of a live in sorry. Its not taken off her pay.

Most live-ins I know eat along with their employers. They are more like part of the family. It's not gonna be easy to tell someone who feeds your kids not to eat when they are eating.

A paid Live-in Nanny and professional daycare, which is better for babies toddlers (age 6months - 3years) before they start school?

1. Please what are the advantages and disadvantages of both (what issues/problems result from both?
2. Any tips in searching, hiring and motivating a live-in Nanny?
3. What hours or days do you give him/her off?
4. Do you put her in your family's medical insurance or she needs to buy her own since she's paid?
5. Do you factor her feeding and accommodation in as payment in kind while discussing salary?
6. Do you allow her visitors, friends, and relatives visit her at your home or it's considered her workplace (office) no visitors allowed?
7. If she's a young lady with a boyfriend, what rules can you make for her without infringing on her rights and freedom since she lives in your house?
8. Which age bracket is best for Live-in Nanny?


Please you don't have to answer all. I appreciate any useful advice you have on any of the question.

Thanks and God Bless!

But in other news it's reported to be a Hoax, and unverified and perhaps a costume! I know only Africans will believe it.

http://kickerdaily.com/snake-girl-in-thailand-a-hoax/

I love this age of internet. You can't fool people. One quick call to Thailand or a search on Google will expose any scam....LoL. I knew some people in Africa were about to start a church and make money out of this story claiming 'End-times', 'Mammy-water', 'Witch' etc. Let's not be lazy....spend some time to research an article or news before jumping to conclusions. Enemies may Photoshop ur wife on top of Governor one day and cause u die out of heart attack...LoL! Always verify!, verify!!, verify!!!

As for me I don't know wether it's a hoax or true. But until I see her video I won't believe it. You would expect the video of one-in-a-kind mystery like this to be everywhere on youtube and internet. Unfortunately, there's none. Not even one after 8years not even from the hospital she was born.

Hmm! I kinda don't get ya story - Bros, at a less than 1point in 1st year almost all universities in Nigeria would dismiss you. You must make a CGPA of above 1point to remain in school. Okay if u struggled to get up to 300-400 levels it means u passed most (if not all) your 100 level- 200 level course so ur grade cannot be 1 pointer, (at least 2.0) the worst you can have at 400 level (final year) is 3rd class with some carry-overs, or a 'Pass' ('Pass' means you failed most final year courses several times, the university will graduate u out). Even some banks in Nigeria hire 3rd class materials if they pass aptitude test. Most 3rd class materials are very successful in life bc they work harder. If you're a 1pointer the school would have dismissed you at yea1 or year2.

Pls which part of the story am I missing? Were u expelled for cult activities or malpractice? Forgive my being too analytical. I know Nigeria's academic system too well. Something is missing in ur story. I hope there are lecturers in the house to disagree with me.

True2myself24: For a cousin you sure do know a lot of what's going on in his life.

...bc he shared the details with me to ease off burden in his heart for lack of someone to talk to, & moreover I know the girl in question too..

My cousin has been dating this naija lady for a little over a year now. They’re in love (or apparently so he thought), and the lady claims to be a born-again xtian. During this last xmas season a mutual friend was chatting with the lady (my cousin’s girlfriend) when the mutual friend asked her if she likes my cousin. She replied: “I don’t rilly luv him o, honestly…just playing along just 4 bodi & soul…I got my plans”

When the mutual friend asked her why she’s giving him the impression that she loves him and makes him buy things for her? She replied:

“haba! na normal thin na..I go fashi at d right time, not now sha.. I stil need his help getting a job & other stuff..he’s nice sha”

My cousin has gotten hold of this chat unknown to his girlfriend (a key evidence with her phone number & chat name she cannot deny). Honestly, he’s upset bc he’s spent a lot of time coaching this girl & money on her believing she is real. Even last December he helped her with trans to villa for xmas. This girl will be visiting Lagos in a week’s time for a job interview & plans to stay in his house, but doesn’t know my cousin has this chat. I’m afraid he is in a revenge mood, though he’s keeping mum like a man.

Pls how do u advise him to handle this girl and this matter? He’s 33yrs old while the girl in question is 27yrs. Both are single & graduates. He has a job, while the lady rounded up NYSC last 2yrs still looking for job using him as a coach & connection.

Judenato: My senior sister who is a US citizen filled a US immigrant paper for me,but it is now six years i have not gotten their call,last year i wanted to go for a visit, they refused saying that i should not think of going to US until the case is over.Now both my sister and i are regreting the filling stuff.please my people who knows about this kind thing should explain it to me .I am a new member.

Yea it takes about 5 - 7yrs bc it's first-come-first-serve. Ur sister filed for immigrant visa for u (also known as green card). There are millions of people around the world in queue for that category and they only grant a few tens of thousands every year depending on how many visas are allocated by congress for that year. This is bc it's the main visa category that allows people to work legally in USA.

Another reason may be that they have been sending u messages, letters and communication to the email address, or mailing address u provided in ur application updating u on the status of ur application, but u've not been getting them either bc u moved, or the address is wrong.

Relax! In Nigeria, we are used to getting things fast because of bribery/ corruption and 'who u know'. Fortunately, US does not believe in all that, and don't care whom u are. You must wait in line like others. However, the wait is worth it. If u ever cut corners and come into USA with a wrong class of visa (like a tourist, or visitor) and try to stay back in USA, u'll regret ever coming to USA. That's how doctors and bankers in Nigeria become baby-sitters in USA bc they have no papers to work. Be patient, dear. US systems works & respects nobody!

The good news is that all those 'beneficiaries' could actually be ur next door neighbor or ur village boy currently building that mansion, and killed some cows for friends last xmas & new year and got blessings from chiefs and elders. So the money is still in Nigeria. Don't cry! How do u think boys become 'loaded' [/i]to buy those [i]'End of discussion' to 'meet up' and become 'big boys' they we all hail and worship in Nigeria? Those naija girls don't carry those big phones for nothing o!- most are syndicates and informants for their 'loaded' boyfriends and get some shares. Just watch ur back bro! They are here on NL too...there's no small boy or small girl in naija!

Sorry!!

Marriage is biblical to provide company for humans, as ordained by God according to bible stories. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2: 21-24) The same bible went on to write that marriage became a punishment ordained by God after Adam and Eve erred and had to go through pains to procreate and feed their offspring. Genesis 3:16. To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children;Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”. Even where Bible said "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from God"( Proverbs 18:22). That was a proverb by David and not word from God. Moreover, Bible never said he will enjoy and have peace.

For the society, marriage helps create a social order, to take care of helpless kids, and help make it easy to govern and control people. In return, society rewards married people with respect and Govt rewards them with some tax benefits.

After all this fundamentals I don't know why people still expect marriage to be a bed of roses. Why do people believe Bible in piece and not in whole? Why disobey the word of God and expect Him to help you when you hit the rock? The question is: Are people marrying according to the will of God? God did not ordain marriage for enjoyment.

Most girls in Nigeria want to answer Mrs, so a man can take care of them that's why they all want to marry a 'loaded man'. The men want to be in control of the body of a beautiful woman, to have her whenever they want without permission. I guess people marry for wrong reasons.

The purpose of marriage and the woes that come with it are clearly stated for Christians in the bible in Genesis Chapter 2 & 3. A man's wife is his helpmate, and woman's husband is her provider. The man will go through pains to provide, and the woman will go through pains to give him babies, but together they will complement each other

No child is born bad. Children are product of their environment. The difference btw a Princess and a vagabond is how each was raised to feel about herself. Otherwise every child is born a Prince or Princess, but if left untamed will tend towards self destruction (2nd law of thermodynamics, from college days )

To answer ur question even if a child has an irresponsible father but has a very strong mother or has a very positive influence on his life at the early formative stages in life, he will turn out good. Positive influence could be a grandpa, grandma, a mentor, an uncle, close teacher or even character-building clubs like the boys and girls scout, boys and girls clubs (in USA), boys and girls brigades, church youth mentoring groups, etc. Once more, a child is a product of his/her environment not just one person, according to child psychologists.

kulyie: no vex o

but does the picture up there not represent the topic of jist so how am i derailing it and please whats decent about s3x,educate me.i am only but a learner

The reason why u see certain words u type on Nairaland are censored by the server is in keeping with NCC's rules and standards so that Nairaland's owner doesn't get penalized or even banned for allowing offensive materials on his site, where it's accessible to minors (people below 18yrs). If harmless words like s.ex, and brea.ast are censored then imagine what will happen if they see indecent pics on the site? The site is not rated as adult site otherwise people below 18yrs won't be able to log in here without age validation. Just a clue! And thanks for politely asking. No bad feelings.

kulyie: something like this,right?

Please you are going to derail this young woman's thread and rob her of the advice she's looking for by all this unnecessary indecent pics you are posting. Exercise some decency and maturity by showing some value and respect to other people's discretion. That's why this is a family section. It's not fair to her to scare people off her thread. You can open your own thread and fill it up with pics as much as you want. Moreover that could earn u a ban if anyone reports it to MODs.

It can only give you a clue of her state of mind but not her true character. State of mind as in: You can deduce her value system from posts she shows interest in, whether she's materialistic by her likes & links she follows, her quality education through her command of English/written communication skills in her comments/posts, nature of her job through her colleagues who mention their work in their posts, family background by following friends in her list who are listed as her family members. Most of what you will know about her will be through friends in her list not directly from her. Many people post fake or air-brushed pics, and fill up post with bible quotations to form righteous but in real life they are full-time 'runs girls'. However, 'runs girls' will have other 'naughty girls' in their friend's list (birds of the same feather). So pay close attention to her friends' posts and pics.

No serious person marries on social media. You can only meet people there, then take it outside and date in person for at least 6 months - 1yr before even talking about marriage. Only a fool will fall in love with a shadow & propose to a computer program. Social media is only a computer program projecting a shadow of images and character!

lorretta u: All this protocol for wetin?
Hian

Just wear his loose tshirt without a bra. If you have big bouncy booobss better for you. The moment u walk by innocently infront of him. The deal is sealed..

Ok. That's where real life experience steps in, dear. What works for u with ur partner may not work for another person or family. There's no 'one-size-fits-all' in a relationship. If u've ever lived with a partner for 10- 15 yrs, very likely the woman has suckled babies and no longer have those types of bosoms u described above and may not fit into ur T's any longer. ur relationship is heading for the rocks if u think a woman will keep that shape forever. NO, dear!. My recommendations are time-tested. I'm in the medical field, dear. @OP is married and not a visiting girlfriend!

Mrs mansson: Happy new year everyone

Please give some Constructive response to the below questions

1.As a Lady how do you react without sounding rude when guys make a hit on you(your wedding band perfectly worn)

2.Is it a shameful act when guys admire a married woman or rather want to ask her out

3 Is it the fault of a married woman when guys hit on her

4.If a guy knows you are married and still demands for your contacts or trying to fix a date how do u react

5.Can you give out your number to a guy you met on an official visit probably because the guy is from your hometown and happens to be familiar with your kindred.

6.On an unofficial day how do you dress when going for some errands,meeting friends or going out with your hubby

When you are married, association with men becomes more of career, business and family networking rather than for romantic relationships. Depending on ur level of education or exposure, any enlightened lady expect all this passes from men to come and has trained herself how to handle them without bruising useful relationships by being rude and arrogant.

- A man admires u, your clothes, your attributes, oh please giggle, smile and politely say "Thank you". It means you are beautiful or you made a right choice on the clothe you spent a fortune on.

- If they get too aggressive and ask u out, politely tell them "awwwww, I am so happily married, you came a little late dear..".

- Please if it's official business and they ask for ur number, you MUST give out your business card or number to associates or colleagues. If you can't give out ur numbers to men, then sit ur butt on ur secretary's seat, shop or at home looking after ur kids, you have no business in a serious networking environment. What took u there in the first place?

There's a big difference between an educated, enlightened lady built for career success, and some timid girl who went to school. To the former, she sees opportunities in everything. There are way more serious things going on in people's mind out there other than s.ex. Change ur mindset & a see a more beautiful friendly world!

Hope these helped!

Kind of annoying that serious people will come to family section (meant for people with real family experience) to seek real advice and a bunch of kids who should be on career, sports and entertainment sections will jump in with childish comments simply because they have phones that can browse...

@OP relationship and marriage is for two. Only male chauvinists (Same men who marry teenagers simply bc they want to dis-virgin a girl) who have no emotions and true love/feeling for a female partner will believe that a legitimate wife or partner who initiated sex is wayward. I wouldn't marry such a man with such a 18 century ideologies.

step 1. Set the mood by avoiding any arguments and confrontations or anything that may create negative energy in ur house. Just be nice all day. Serve him a light food so he doesn't feel heavy and sleep off.
step 2. Dress in his most favorite wear, especially the ones he bought for u (he bought them because he loves to see u in them)
step 3. Start a very easy discussion especially on a topic he enjoys most (I assume u know ur husband's interest).
step 4. Admire and compliment him as he air's his ideas with words like "that's why I love you..", "I like the way u handle matters ", "Thank God I married u"....etc). Men like to feel like kings and in in control.
step 5. Slow caressing touches at the right places is everything while resting on his laps or chest, take it slowly, looking into his face and draw a very long french kiss. Sustain it with short bouts of kisses, perks, etc.
step 6. Let the caressing pre-intimacy and romance begin...and sustain it when he takes over.

Note: Remember intimacy is not always about s.ex. Just enjoy the moment even if it did not end up in s.ex. Argument is a romance/ relationship killer.

All the luck

dinachi: Now you seem to expose a basic lack of relationship principles..I don't disclose my personal information on public boards like this... A MARITAL relationship where you are not adding value and receiving value is not worth it. You are supposed to help each other become better... some learn patience ....others learn....tolerance....If you can do it alone then you shouldn't marry in the first place.....your spouse is supposed to compliment you and smoothen your rough edges...that is what i mean by change...until you change your perception that relationship is a competition instead of complimentary you may never understand what I am saying...

They both need to make adjustments....the relationship can be saved..

Ok thanks. But it's been u against an entire crowd of differing opinions and commentators. Hope u win the entire community on the debate. I really enjoyed the e-debate though bc it's matured and without personal insults like other threads!..Nairalanders are improving. Reminded me of debating societies in school in those days, where teachers taught us to address our opponents with respect as 'honorable co-debaters'...LoL! All the luck, and have a wonderful new year ahead!

dinachi: opposites attract!

Every good relationship is supposed to CHANGE you for the better... please do not relate with anybody who has no value he or she is adding to your life......That is why two good heads are better than one.. Both of them needs to make amends. Relationship is all about compromise..

I didn't want to comment on this thread again. It's becoming a bit absurd. Many people have already dropped off from the thread. However, something tells me u've never married b4 going by some of ur posts on this thread...they sound too literary like a knowledge acquired from a romance novel or movie, not based on real life experience..

Pls relationships are not supposed to change people, and don't change people. Don't advise people to get into a relationship hoping to change the other party (it's called being controlling, or manipulation). It doesn't work and never worked. It's not a good advice please. Hope young people following this thread don't take that advice serious. Except you meant to say something else and I misunderstood u.

dinachi: @ OP hold your head high and fight for your love. Most of the advisers here will fight for love too . Don't mind what they say here most of them live a life far different from what they represent here. So be careful of what you hear.

They are making noise. Some of them here would even have gone to juju long ago. Fake people! Follow your heart but use your head .

If u fight ur way into a position, u fight forever to remain there, and one day will be beaten out by a stronger hand!.. what belongs to u comes to you without fights. Let's not mistake 'Love' with 'Obsession'. If this was love in the first place forgiveness would have been easy, whatever the offense was. The fact that this has lingered uptill this moment simply means, the issue is strong & deep-seated. Somehow you are right that we don't have all the facts because we've only heard from one side anyway. We may be rushing to judgement here. The man's family may know something, or have secret information we don't know about OP, & have reasons to 'stick to their guns'.

dinachi: She is desperate to answer Mrs ...and you are are desperate for what? Leave her alone! Allow her to rediscover her love. You don't plan love it happens. Every love story is not the same. Every relationship has a history. let her be! All these Nairaland feminists and their advice sef. My dear they maybe jealous of you! Follow your heart. After discouraging you here, they cannot help you.

I will be worried of a friend who leads me by the rope to a slaughter-house, yet smiles, flatter me, ginger me, feed me energy drinks to get there just to meet my ultimate end. May God surround me by friends who will be courageous enough to draw me back with harsh words when I am on the path of self-destruction. Lord, if those type of friends are either feminists, atheist, wretched, deviants, outlaws, etc please surround me by them only and may all the glory go to you when I am saved through ur grace ..IJN!

olymurphy: If your wife is a housewife, maybe you should start something for her

You don't start 'something' for people because they are idle and want to be busy, rather you start 'something' for someone who has the skills, training and zeal to manage it...this is why 80% of business either fail or poorly managed.

The @Op simply needs a budget and sticks to it. Moreover, OP do you give back to the society through charities (be it tithe, alms, donations, etc)? Trust me that can help ur finances in mysterious ways...All the luck?

Why are we wasting time on something that's already decided? My Rev fr. once said u've to give someone options in order to help u make a choice. @OP has already made up her mind to have this guy or thing, at all cost despite all the warnings God is putting across to her that he's not hers.

@OP, I'll suggest u take his picture to one of the 'shrines' or 'red-cloth prayer houses' at Ogun, so they can force the guy to come back and marry u at all cost. Don't give up please, fight with the last sweat. Even if the guy is married to another woman, and the woman is heavily pregnant for him, please keep fighting for him to come back to u. Spend ur savings, cut off all ur friends who don't support u, quit ur work and travel to villa for him and never come back until he comes back to u. . I hope I'm ur friend now that I'm supporting u?

Nigerian girls and desperation to answer Mrs...! Mtcheeeew!

Sorry, I have to be harsh, but it appears u don't get it!

kulyie: oro pesi je,oro di hunnn.

I nor know wetin i go talk again o.this one pass me.i nor know when phenees become hot dog,carot or suya wey them dey slice.i wan laugh sef but my mouth too heavy to laugh before awon boiz come here and start quoting me up and down

@Kulyie, no kill me with laf dis new year's eve o! LMAO!!....But phenees looks like carrot. Maybe she was hungry in the night and mistook it for a carrot.

ULSHERLAN: Do u know where I can sell mine?

I don't know about Nigeria, but abroad egg and sp.erm banks usually advertise in the local newspapers. Maybe you should search Google to see if there's a location near u. However eggs from healthy young ladies with desirable qualities is more in demand than male sp.erms. Almost 70% of donors are university students, very intelligent in class, physically attractive, healthy, and athletic. These are the qualities sought for. It's not really a bad thing because u're helping people who cannot conceive to have the joy of parenthood.

All the luck!

tr3y: Did I mention Nigeria Okay maybe the 15 was an exaggeration but its still the same story!!!

OK. yet spe.rm banks will never release the information about donor's and recipients to either party. There's a signed confidentiality agreement between the banks and egg or spe.rm donors. It's a very old business for university students abroad to raise money for school. If the information is easily accessible as you think there will be tonnes of lawsuits, claims for damages/ compensations, paternity battles. What do u think will happen if such a child later becomes a multi millionaire, popular artists like Beyonce, or football star? the donor party may show up to fight for claim or attention right?

Love also means not lying to someone that u love him/ her so dearly when u know u don't. Telling people the truth even when it hurts is also a tribute of love. This guy through his actions has revealed to that u two of u cannot stay married (even if u get married), why are u not getting it? You want him to fake it and lie to u? naija sistas una dey fall my hand sometimes for all this 'u must marry me craze'. Haba!.

tr3y: What's the title. I go like watch am..

Sorry I don't think u work in the medical industry. Please for your information, spe.rm banks will never release the information about donor's and recipients to either party, and by the way it is a very sophisticated technology involving invitro fertilization (IVF), where the the recipients carefully choose the qualities of a donor, which does not fit well with your story of one man fathering 15 kids. It's not that easy and common in Nigeria. Only very specialized hospitals can attempt that in Nigeria, even on that they carry out only very few in a year.