₦airaland Forum

Sweety, mom is sooooooo wrong at controlling you. But she's doing that because she loves you. though she may be expressing it in a wrong way. However, at 18 put all efforts into education, career and just have 'healthy' fun with peers. It's okay to hangout with boys at your age. But no, no, no to se*x. That's the message mom wants to pass onto you. Send her this surprise text:

"Mom I love u, because you loved me first. You're my best friend, & friends don't let friends drive drunk. I promise you I will not fail even one bit of your words & advice even if I'm surrounded by 20 boys. But I wish you could trust me sometimes. It hurts me when u monitor me with boys, like you don't trust me. It hurts & ridicules me. Give me that benefit of doubt, I won't fail please. You are the best mom on Earth...Crying"

Get back on the past and tell us how it goes. Please never date men much older, or far richer than you at this age. You may not be able to resist their manipulations. Hang out with your peers only.

Go out and have fun but your body is the temple of God!

Hmmmmm! long pause!..may God expose the truth. However, 7pm-10am sounds more like a deal that went wrong (e sweet u, e sweet me, who go pay, and someone got very upset). One driver in a bus with 2 hands holding a steering, legs on the brake and throttle, veered off the route you are going to, maneuvered to an uncompleted building, and with an empty word told a healthy 23yr old "if you talk I shoot u" (with which hand please?), and kept driving, and she sat quietly, didn't break windows, didn't struggle with the steering, etc. e be as the story get o!

R*ape? Yes, bc maybe she got tired & said "No' at some point, but the man continued. Doing it against a girl's will (even if she's ur girlfriend) is considered r*ape. Jail sentence? Yes, bc she said 'No' at some point. But her story being true?, maybe not!

@OP nobody fights over paternity these days, that was in the late 50's. There's something called 'paternity test' done on every child on parent's request before the baby leaves hospital. It tells you who the father is. It's far cheaper than DNA test. Tell your brother to request for it. It has exposed many lying ladies and several denying men. End of Discussion!!

yellowpawpaw: BB u r very correct.
Me, pray for naija?
Since we refused to use our God given head to better our lives, let us be suffering and smilling naw.
Infact, nigeria should pray for me.

Poster, u did well. Disregard my comment. Naija de vex me.

No vex ma sista..honestly dis don taya me too.. see people, see population, see oil money, see gofment magic, yet see wahala, see suffering no be small o. gofment pipul dey buy jet & bullet proof moto, dey fly dem pikin go ofasea, but ordinary man with 5 pikin no get N30k to buy dem xmas clothes. How dose pikins no go becom militants afta seeing dis injustice? Na who go beg our case with oga God na? Aaaaah Ave Maria..help ooo!

ifyalways: Obviously,the OP does not know that God has since entered voicemail once Nigeria is mentioned.

So all this my long prayer just entered Voicemail?.....awwwww! Dear God, that's not fair

Lord_Reed: I think you are overstating the case here. Child services would never fault a mother who straps her baby into a baby seat so how is this different?

Maybe you've never been involved with a Child Protective Services b4 & see even milder things they term as child abuse/ neglect (based on proven research on kids). Don't forget that in most states in USA a car child seat must be certified by a trained nurse in the hospital as safe b4 u leave the hospital with the baby. All child straps & restrain seats went through safety checks and approved before being sold/ used in homes. Also remember we shake babies & throw them up in the air in Africa, as fun while recently in USA it's a crime bc of shaken baby/ sudden infant death syndrome. In Nigeria we still blame these sudden deaths of infants on 'possessed housemaids', Ogbanje, witches & wizzards, while in USA they researched and found out what causes infants to die suddenly in sleep (bc their fragile brain moved when they're shaken).

Pls I'm not criticizing the mom here, rather pointing out it's not proven to be safe to strap a baby to a stacked 'Object' like one facing a firing squad. A baby's contact with a human body prevents disability in babies, a pillow won't (that's why babies must be touched at least 500 times a day). All I can say for now is just try this in the USA and hope a peeping Oyibo saw u. Let's have this discussion afterwards. All the luck!

Dear God, in all ur benevolence and grace I'm on my knees begging you to heal Nigeria in 2014. So much blood and traumatized populace. Massive unemployment, high crime rate, militancy in the North, kidnapping and ritual killings in the South. In the middle and receiving end are the poor masses. People are so traumatized now that they hallucinate and see all sort of things when they shut their eyes. Some die and rise again to tell stories of heaven and hellfire even when bible said it's "appointed unto man to die once after that is judgement". Some claim they married ghosts and have ghost children, our ladies have 'spiritual husbands', pastors take advantage of young women even in your own house O lord, illiterate juju men convince educated men (even professors who should know better) to bring human parts to become rich. Rather than our money yielding interest in a savings account in a bank like in other countries, it dwindles daily in Nigerian banks.

Your daughters can no longer bear these. Men sleep with them to give them admission into Universities, they sleep with them before they pass a course, they sleep with them for NYSC posting, they sleep with them for employment, they sleep with them for promotions, then they turn around to say Nigerian women are the most unfaithful. Dear Lord, this is just unfair to an average girl from a humble family who just want to put food on the table for her aging parents.

All this happen because of corruption and greed by the ruling class, which created unemployment, and in turn poverty, and when poverty get's into the head people see and do all sorts of things just to fight it. I hope all this will not be counted for us as sin?

Dear God, we are overwhelmed. Please forgive us and make 2014 far better for Nigerians than the previous years and we collectively say it shall never be well for anyone who will deliberately bring this unnecessary hardship & sufferings to your children in Nigeria over in 2014. Corruption, poverty, unemployment, ghost husbands, kidnapping, militancy, human rituals, spiritual husbands, thieving ATMs, etc will never cross-over to 2014 with us ooooo!! - AMEN!

Unfortunately none of the above, it's usually in this order:

1st - The Matriarch (the Mother figure that raised everyone)
2nd - The Patriarch (the Father figure that provided for everyone and supported the Matriarch)
3rd - And the richest in the family

Please note that respect is earned, it doesn't come by virtue of age or title. People generally respect u if they hope u can help them in one way or the other. Otherwise it's simply a lip service. If u wanna earn the respect of ur siblings, family members, & youth in ur community (even female friends), u must somehow make them believe u've something they need, and very generously give them something occasionally.

It's difficult for a poor person to command respect, except the person is poor in finances but rich in spirit like Mother Theresa. In that case, a poor person with good values, strong principles, and love for humanity (rich in spirit) will still earn people's respect.

"Good name is better than wealth". Please forget about empty Titles, they get u lip service & not real respect!

Just my 10 kobo!

onegig: how please?

you worked yourself into a tight corner. No backing out

How please? I already told you why naija chiefs won't marry someone that will give them a sickler. They marry to have healthy offsprings who wil inherit their wealth not for love.

Thank your God this is not in the USA. You are on ur way to losing the baby and possibly serving jail time for Child abuse/neglect, forceful imprisonment, endangering a minor, causing harm using objects, etc..LoL! The laws here don't smile at things like this as hilarious. They will tell u if can't take care of the baby, don't have her. Period! Marriage is not movie!!!

Honestly, the ace is with the man and woman. If the woman in future doesn't become too desperate to have a baby (knowing fully well she can't), spending all her time and resources at miracle centers and prayer houses to get one at all cost. On the other hand, if the man does not in future start fathering babies outside the marriage using this as a justification.

The marriage will surely face bigger challenges than an average marriage. However, start early to talk and agree on alternatives to having kids. I think the best and most natural option will be to fertilize the woman's egg with the man's sp*erm outside (IVF), and having a surrogate mom carry the baby. That way the baby is the couple's DNA. Off course the 2nd option is to adopt a week-old baby and induce the lady to breast-feed to create a mother-baby bond. Wudav been beta if the man already had kids from another woman b4 the marriage. Pls don't ever try the naija method of hiring a grown-up maid to seduce the man (nollywood thinz)...u'll regret it!

In any case it'll take the grace of God in future, when love dies out, as it does in most marriages. To answer ur question, honestly, I won't, if I want my own kids with her. The lady is better off with a man who already have a kid/ kids. There are many of them (due to divorce, widowed, or love-child). Let's be real, this will work better abroad in Yankee land, where there's less societal/ family pressure to have kids. Oprah is married but doesn't have kids by choice.

bellong: How does genotype relates with the Y-chromosome?

Because 'Chief' wants a healthy male child and not a Sickler...

bellong: Nothing takes precedence. One is not independent of the other. All factors must be put into consideration holistically before making the final decision.

Nice topic but it depends on what one's goal is in marriage. Different people have different goals in marriage:

-A politician who wants a well-connected, beautiful wife to win elections - Love and genotype does not matter to him
-A Pastor or celebrity who wants a picture-perfect wife for show/ events - Love and genotype does not matter to him
-A needy naija girl who wants a man to take care of her needs - Love and genotype does not matter to her
- The Yerima's who want maximum s.exual control and enjoyment of a young female body - Love and genotype does not matter to him
- The poor Okoro who wants greencard to work and make a living abroad - Love and genotype does not matter to him
- The busy-body, senior chic who marries a grandpa and wants him dead sooner than he thinks to inherit his assets - Love and genotype does not matter to her

However,

- the Naija chief who wants a male child to answer his name - Genotype matters to him
- The majority who want peace of mind at home - Love matters to them.

In all, it's naive to marry someone who will get u a sickle cell baby (why knowingly bring in someone into the world to suffer & die?). Anyway the catholic church will not wed 2 AS genotypes anyway.

Bro, let your head do the thinking before marriage and not d rod between ur legs. You may regret it!

donroxy: @Woged2005, kudos and that's reality u have put Up there but some certain words of yours would be better concieved by the Op after she has gotten treatment but not NOW cuz Some statements are too Early for her. (remember na SU she go be,so, tellin SU she is a w.ho.re will lead her to defending Morality, as such, Arguement! and a difficult session with Psychologist !) . Op Must be manouvered to listened and asked Questions, as she listened all through the Brainwashing Moments that ensued through her Life !! Arguements with Her on Morality should be avoided and Only Educative words are permissive !!

You are right. Thanks for the correction. I was only trying to prepare @OP's mind not to bring 'SU's' mindset into the bedroom. There's time for everything. If she truly wants to enjoy s$x with her hubby, then she must be willing to be open and explore like millions of women who enjoy sex.

@OP, on the issue of size and pain, that's far from the cause. Doctors say every woman's 'body' adjust to the size of her partner's thing with time bc it's elastic and even accommodate the head of a baby. Moreover women lubricate during a good romantic 'play-play' & 'touch-touch' to prepare the 'place' for any size. However, try & use water-based lubricants sold in pharmacies in Nigeria. Also c.ondoms can cause pain during s.ex especially if they're not lubricated or dries out. One silly suggestion though is u may need to watch some s.ex movies with an open mind to learn more

baralatie: did u read her comments properly. And u definition of sex is sooo waay offf! S£x 'dirty' ke. Too bad.pray for a gud husband!

Some topics you respond to sometimes maybe too advanced for the choice of words & responses you use. I hope someone doesn't take you on one of these days & question your age. Please write your responses without attacking people. This is family section for people with real issues asking for matured suggestions from mothers, fathers, married people, adults, and experience contributors.

It's ur mindset or some phobia u had abt s*ex. Maybe as a teenager u're trained to believe that s*ex is too dangerous for a girl, or a good girl shouldn't be touched by a boy in order to look saintly and holy. It got hard-wired into ur brain & shut down ur response system. Now u're paying d price. U've to unwind that & become more open with ur hubby. S*ex is very canal & sometime 'dirty'. There's nothing holy abt it. It takes an open-minded woman to take the gross, silly stuff that goes on in bed btw a man & woman...u're almost like a wh*ore to ur man & yet don't feel disrespected. I'm being real.

But she's not a pastor, her husband is, so u don't even know if she believes in what her husband preaches. Moreover, she is obviously not Nigerian so you can't judge her with Nigerian culture. This is naturally how African American ladies dress (even more revealing than this). That's their culture. I guess you've seen the Swazi virgins go topless during the annual Swazi reed dance. That's their culture too. Just the same way Aso-ebi clothes don't make sense to Americans. They say it looks like wood. . A very diverse world, my dear!!

Maybe it has no spiritual significance, maybe it's a co-incidence, however I'm inspired to live a better life starting from yesterday I read this. I hope d world does not sweep all this signs under the carpet bc he's a black man. Thank God d report was carried by d New York Post, and not by Vanguard Newspapers. They too read meaning into it. Maybe this would have meant more to us if a 'Man of God' in Nigeria claimed he prophesied it or uses it to validate himself. Maybe if Jesus was black, Most Africans would have preferred to follow Buddha with a lighter skin...

Black man/woman, Africans, please love and believe in ur own. I remain inspired by Madiba.

December 12, 2013

According to New York Post a rainbow appeared over the Union Buildings, the country’s official seat of power in Pretoria, where the beloved world leader’s body is currently lying in state.

This has shocked the world. Coupled with the heavenly heavy rain in South Africa, reported inches of first snows in many cities that forced many offices in USA to close and kept many at home to watch his official funeral on Tuesday, now a rainbow over the building where his body is lying in state, are these mere co-incidence or have some significant meaning about the life of the man Madiba ?

[url] http://nypost.com/2013/12/12/rainbow-appears-over-mandelas-body/ [/url]


Update December 13, 2013:

Maybe it has no spiritual significance, maybe it's a co-incidence, however I'm inspired to live a better life starting from yesterday I read this. I hope d world does not sweep all this signs under the carpet bc he's a black man. Thank God d report was carried by d New York Post, and not by Vanguard Newspapers. They too read meaning into it. Maybe this would have meant more to us if a 'Man of God' in Nigeria claimed he prophesied it or uses it to validate himself. Maybe if Jesus was black, Most Africans would have preferred to follow Buddha with a lighter skin...

Black man/woman, Africans, please love and believe in ur own. I remain inspired by Madiba.

Royal Roy: You just spoke my mind 100%.

How did Op know all these?
Is it not same news media everyone is reading different versions?

Your postulations and positions are too far from reality..... would be better if you had said that's what I learnt from Chime's marriage crisis.

Noted! It's the lesson I learned that I shared with those who want to learn anyway. But the facts are out there for those who have no special interest. This is a pubic family followed about by hundreds of people, nothing about a public figure is a secret. He dated her while he was married, and married her afterwards. Same Governor was alleged to have been in an intimate relationship with the lady's younger sister too. Chime is a state Governor with lots of cash and power. Does a person who want to learn a lesson need a 4 yrs thesis research on this first?

Their private lives is non of my business. What matters is what I learned from the situation to avoid same. Smart people learn from what happened to others, dumb people wait till it happens to them.

Chillisauce: [/s]

---

If you wanna pass across info, do that and stop making reference of what you don't know.
So many sides of the story. Stop using it as a reference when you don't know what really happened.

Except you meant to tell us your are the Wife

You got me wrong. Read it, well. The post is a lesson shared, which any lady with 'grey matter' in her brain should ponder over. But as usual, we know our country better, that many of our ladies are way into relationships with married men. As long as they are enjoying it now, I do not expect any of them to come here and like what I wrote, otherwise they indict themselves too. But, it is, what is, dear.

Read their story and see people taking sides ([url] https://www.nairaland.com/1512428/chime-attempts-eject-wife-state [/url]), but I'm not criticizing or supporting either party. I'm just writing on the lessons learned. Point out which of the lessons is bad for any right-minded lady except if a person is a culprit too.

Lessons Learned From Gov Chime's Wife's Situation:

1. Never breakup another woman's home and expect peace when you take over. There's something called 'Karma'. The cries and pains of the poor woman you broke her family will hunt you someday. Whatever goes around, comes around.
2 . People on NL never jubilate on another person's misfortune because your own day may come. It's Mrs Chime's turn today, whose tomorrow? What the family needs is our prayers and not judgement and rationalization by 'over-sabi' people.
3. Don't marry a 'superstar' for his money and stardom and then want try control him afterwards. There's a reason why he is a 'superstar, and many of us are not. He could be there with the help of those women/men you are trying to edge out now. After all you just met a wealth you didn't know how it was made. It's best to stay away from such men if you're the jealous or clingy time. But if you choose to 'dig for Gold' it's purely a business decision, afterall "Cigaret makers don't care how many people who die of lung cancer, as long as they make money."
4. Never come to Nairaland for responsible marriage counseling. Otherwise you will be taking advice from naive teenagers and people who still have fantasies about marriage because they've never married before.
5. Let's stop making every woman's prblem a fight for woman equality and human right. No be so our African fore-fathers teach us. From what we see today, they might have been poor, but our fore-fathers' marriages were more peaceful than what we see from oyibo today. So my sistas, make una no bring oyibo man sense into naija marriage. eno dey work o. u hear?
6. Every unmarried person should go and research more what 'For Better, and For Worse' means. Najija sistas, marriage is not the solution to your problems, it should be a union between two best friends!

Do many naija girls learn anything from this woman's story? I don't think so, because every one of us want to hit it 'big'. There are consequences for every decision you take in life. Please pray for the challenges that family is passing through now. God can still change things.

In some part of USA, yes you can, after you come out from jail

Ol girl, sistas have given u the best advice to a 20yr old above. If u like don't take it. na u sabi. But I don't want to judge you. You are just way too young to be crying for men now..walai! Reserve the tears, you need it in future. He's not your husband yet you want to keep him to yourself and enjoy like a married woman eeeh? You are still at the age when girls have 9 boyfriends, whom they play in the field with, go to youth fellowship, library, live shows, group events, visit sick people in hospitals to pray for them, have fun in the choir and youth ministries. The boy is definitely doing the right thing for his age mingling with friends and you call it 'flirting' abi 'womanizing'? Get your priorities right, girl.

Serve God with your youth and have fun, leave men alone!

Now you can see where religion and marriage cross roads. Counselors say most marriages lose fire and 'die' slowly after a good se.x dies out. So why do people pretend when the topic of se.x comes up, yet it's the key holding most relationships? If a lady wants to learn, men call her 'wayward'. If a lady marries as a virgin, her husband will call her "boring and inexperienced with no bed skills". I don taya sef!

Adult's Only! Rate (R) (oya children make una go play ball, dis don enter matured discussion):

Oga sir, maybe ur wife is not enjoying s.ex with u, when u force that big, 9 inches rod into her body without a good romance & stimulation wit ya tongue, aka 'su**cking'. Please go learn am, she no be wood. . Experienced ladies also get style wey dem dey use when dem don tire or not in the mood. Dem dey call am 'handjob' or 'BJ'. But I'm sure if ur wife tries those on u now, you will call her ex-ashawo. You can really enjoy a woman without penetrating her if your mind is open. Otherwise, sorry o! The poor lady is tired -period! Go watch TV

Next time u enter bedroom bring correct red wine, add ice cream with chocolate, eeemh, bring massage oil too, change light bulb to red or blue, put correct slow jam music (no be naija gara-gara gospel music), worship her beauty, feed her ice cream, kiss her gently and massage her back, and tell her how beautiful she is..u go see 'Miracle' .

Adore ur woman and treat her like a queen, u'll never complain about se.x

@Op

1. Will you date or marry a person whose parents were a corrupt wealthy politician?
2. Will you date or marry a super rich corrupt pastor?
3. Will you date or marry a person who got wealthy investing in the stocks of an alcohol or cigaret manufacturing company?
4. Will you date or marry a person who got rich traveling abroad on tourist or student visa but stayed back there illegally to work?
5. Will you date or marry a medical doctor who gained admission into a university through bribes?
6. Will you date or marry a super-rich bank manager who got wealthy manipulating people's account?
7. Will you date or marry a 'man-of-god' who hangs out with corrupt politicians and accepts financial gifts from criminals?, etc

Point? If you wana judge people, there are many things to judge people on, and judge incorrigible not just in one aspect of life.

I will rather judge people by the strength of their character, achievements and meaningful contributions to humanity and not by the color of their skin, social background, religious beliefs or se*xual orientation. At all times we must respect diversity and have respect for individuals no matter what their situation in life is.

Answer: YES, I will date and marry a man whose parents were divorced if it's the will of God in my life, and he loves me.

God bless you all

Maybe u can get the answer from this definitions given by relationship counselors.

Types of infidelity:

1.Physical Infidelity: When one spouse physically engages in intimate activities with someone outside the marriage

2.Emotional Infidelity: When one spouse becomes emotionally attached to someone outside the marriage. Counselors say this is the most dangerous most popular, and leads to most breakups. Example is when a man gives more attention to p.orn, a co-worker, ex girlfriend etc more than his wife. It's also when a woman becomes more loyal to her pastor or friend than her husband.

3.Cheating: Can be a one time encounter with another person outside the marriage, and usually easily forgiven if the cheat shows remorse and stops. Example is a drunk man who engaged in a one-night encounter with a s.ex worker but realizes his mistake and apologize to his wife.

4. Affair: When an intimate encounter happens outside the marriage consistently, over a period of time. This is the one most spouses don't forgive easily because it usually involves lying and deceiving a partner over the period it lasted.

Concerning watching indecency, if a spouse has no problems with it, and if it doesn't stop one from paying adequate attention to one's spouse then it may not be an issue. After all there are live indecencies these days the way some young ladies dress to church, parties, and events. If a lady is going to waste her time having headache over what her man is looking at then that lady isn't serious, also has insecurity problems. Both should go for counseling. There's a deeper issue in the relationship.

@Op ur thread would have made more sense if u counseled young ladies not to date married men. But u lost it when u placated all old men. Ur assumption is too general & false. A shy wealthy medical doctor who is addicted to his job, and suddenly wants to marry at 45, so he is an occultist too? Or a childless wealthy professor at 55 who went through divorce is occultist too? A 50yrs old man/woman who invested N500k in a good stock 20yrs ago is probably a multi-millionaire now. You can't call them occultists. Most Nigerians abroad who were smart enough to buy cheap houses in USA or UK in the 70s, selling out now or cashing out equities are super-wealthy now. You can't call them occultist.

I think Nigerian-style bla-bla-bla religion, and movies which portrays only witches, wizards, and occultism behind everything may have affected the way we think in Nigeria.

Though you may be correct that some people are diabolic, but some genuine wealth came through well-calculated investment risks that grew over time. Most rich old men/ women did just that when they were young. If you spend yours now on techno phones, iphones, and BBs don't blame people who are doing the right thing now, 20yrs from today. Moreover, only prostitutes run around men for quick money. Responsible girls work hard for there's.

@OP Language evolves. In USA we use the exclamations 'it's bad', 'that's Cool', 'badazz', etc to describe something that's impressive, and every American understands them. Nigerian's speak adulterated English (pidgin). This has become a national identity that singles a Nigerian out where ever he/ she is. Even westerners, if they want to prove to you they have been to Nigeria before, they speak one or two 'pidgin English' to convince you.

Language is for communication, and communication is the ability to pass a message from a source to a target through a medium without altering the message. Therefore even if u speak the best English & the next party doesn't understand you, you are not communicating. You will score 90% in English, but 10% in communication bc you couldn't pass the message along.

Moreover Children don't learn English from comedians/ movies, they do that in schools. Please don't work too hard changing your accent and identity to belong. We are Nigerians, we speak adulterated 'Pidgin English'. The world knows that. No apologies!

tpia@:
If you want to marry chris okotie thats your own problem dear!


He's the only one who fit marry you!

A kan lo e a de dump e segbe kan naani!

Meaning he'll just take what you have to offer and then dump you in the corner since your dream of sh.agging him has now been fulfilled, so make way for others to also have their turn abi na only you dey see am?

Busted! Angry teen on the loose. Posters beware and don't be deceived by bible quotations in other posts...You know a good Christian from the word he/she utters..you can't be a Christian in one post...but hating, cursing, & using sickening ungodly words other times. Help expose fake people on NL! People have lost fortune here.

tpia@:
But you'll still give your fellow women the evil eye when you see them with male partners, despite your "happiness" with your millions of ten friends!

Madam, learn to control your loose mouth so men will stop running away from you!

Later now you'll blame your village witches and your great grandfather's misdeeds for your inability to keep a man!

Confirmed! Angry teen on the loose. Posters beware... don't waste ur time! Let's encourages kids to spend more time on their studies and improving themselves...

tpia@:
"....your frigging chicken change wey you dey take disturb western union.."

Confirmed! Teenager! ...adults don't use language like this in public forum. Please spend more time on studies not on the internet. Seun makes money through adverts when good posts draw traffic to his blog, not through childish bla-bla-bla... spend more time in improving yourself/ skills!