₦airaland Forum

Typical of every domestic problem. Each party will paint the picture to favor him/herself and the truth will continue to elude outsiders. However some undeniable facts also common in the two differing accounts are:

1. They were lawfully wedded
2. The man became unemployed after being married, and not before marriage.
3. The lady was pregnant
4. The man washes his wife's clothes (how many times and when differs in the 2 accounts)
5. The woman made an attempt to cause bodily harm to her husband, however the circumstances that led to that differed in the two accounts.

Probable judgement:
I'm afraid the rule of '..one is always responsible for one's actions..' will apply here. No matter what the provocation was, the woman made an attempt on her husband's life which is a punishable crime. Now what will vary will be the sentence. The judge could deem it 'attempted homicide'. - 'attempted manslaughter' (if it was not premeditated), 'attempted murder' (if it's per-meditated), or 'Simple Assault' (if it was in self defense). The battle is for the lawyers. May the best lawyer win!

On a moral note: My sistas in naija all want to marry like yesterday but do not look at marriage from both angles (for good and for worse). Too many of these type of assault cases (even homicides) in marriages involving my naija brodas & sistas even abroad, always when the woman is either the bread-winner or the man loses his job/wealth. Is it due to insecurity by the men or insubordination by the women?

People (man and woman), please stop marrying others for money, be a supportive spouse. Don't commercialize relationships. I hope and plead that no one should drag/ mention naija nurses abroad into this matter...I take God beg una...Pleeaaaassee!! LoL!

bukatyne: Permission to adopt your model?

Permission granted! As long as it works for ur family's goal.

Chinwem: Good idea
I ll make that 40% fixed deposit/ saving
40% joint account
20% personal account

I'll suggest u don't neglect 10% or more to charity. It's important to give back to the society. That's what keeps US and other developed countries richly blessed - Charities (people giving back to the society through foundations, NGOs, donations, and volunteer opportunities). Unfortunately, in Africa people setup businesses & churches milking these good-hearted people with frivolous NGOs and requests for donations. Well, you can see who is on top. The givers have remained on top for years because the hands that give will always remain on top of the hand that receives.

I think u're misinterpreting the meaning of 'Dad'. A dad is the man who gave u life. Any man can be a father and not necessarily a dad. In this case ur dad is the man that accepted u, and not the man that probably rejected u and ur mother. You can trace your father to satisfy ur curiosity but don't break ur real dad's heart. Dads don't strike and run! If they do, just let them go.

It is not advisable especially if one is not financially responsible. There are decisions u don't take driven by sentiments and emotions. The ideal model is:

1. -20% of each person's salary - Separate accounts for their personal needs (fuel, minor car repairs, makeups, clothing, restaurants, etc)
2. -30% of each person's salary into joint family account (requires joint signatory but managed by the wife, or a stay-at-home dad) for family expenses such as feeding, bills, family supplies, house maintenance, furniture, emergencies and medicals, etc.
3. -20% of each person's salary into a long term investment account they never touch such as a fixed deposit (cannot be withdrawn)
4. -20% into a college fund, where they pool funds for the kids' education (requires joint signatory)
5. -10% for charity and donations (requires joint decision)

All other accounts require a joint decision and joint signatory except number 1. (if u're stock in the middle of the road, u don't need to have a meeting to get out money to fuel ur car). In the past, some unreasonably parties have taken undue advantage of single joint accounts to frustrate each other. Therefore, it's increasingly becoming unpopular in families.

The day Nigeria/Nigerians will start recognizing and respecting single mothers like other countries do, that will be one solution to Nigeria's many social and moral problems including risky abortions, husband-snatching, and adultery. This is not feminism rather simple reasoning. Life belongs to God and shouldn't be taken by anyone. Most girls who take these risks to abort babies only do so to avoid how society will treat them as out-of-wedlock moms. While the 'holier-than-thou' preachers who condemn single parents are the same people who get these girls pregnant and give them money to abort. A young lady made a mistake and took in does not mean she is a bad girl, and abandoned by family or ostracized. The man responsible should be made to support the baby, and the baby given a chance to live like u and me. Period! I'm not saying this because I'm Catholic. It's the right thing to give every child the right to live. Planet Earth belongs to no one but God, therefore, nobody has the right to decide who lives here or not except God Himself!

There are abusive men, as well as abusive women in relationships.

Advice for Naija men: If u notice either a character issue or violent trait while dealing with a woman in everyday life during dating, at the office, road, market, school, even on Nairaland, avoid her and run for ur life. It's either she'll hurt u or push u to hurt her someday. Never marry out of sympathy that u dated her for 10yrs or that she carried ur baby, etc crap! Rather if u feel for her but know u can't live with her, if u have money compensate her financially to move on with her life.

Naija ladies: What do u expect when some girls are preoccupied with marriage at all cost, 'by fire by force'.... Money, money, money? I can't believe some naija girls are dumping their bf's in Nigeria and planning wedding this xmas/new year period with men they only met and chat with on FB & whatsap. Marrying by picture in 2013 simply bc the guy is 'loaded' or lives abroad? One shamelessly told me "..we've been 'chatting' for almost a year now, people who know him said he's a nice guy sha, and I love him.." Really? She loves his pictures and writings and want to marry him for dat? Some naija girls despite their hyped education, are the lowest of lows. Thank God for the good, decent ones!

Please think about 40 years in hell (that's what a bad marriage is). Honestly I no pitty some people sef.

There's a buzz about a woman in Kenya who made $1mil through Marykay biz. Does anyone know or have info how she did it? Please share. I mean One Million Dollars (not Naira). Wow!! Why don't ladies in Nigeria take advantage of these direct marketing opportunities?

Variety, comfort, pleasure, pain, experience and experimentation etc are what determine the styles and positions.

- When a couple is looking for a baby they need thrust as deep as possible to help the s.perms swim faster. Therefore missionary and doggy are preferred.
- When a woman is pregnant to avoid lying on the tummy & harming the fetus, 'doggy', 'from the side', 'woman on top' etc are preferred.
- A woman whose partner is too heavy, too largely endowed, will prefer to be on top or any other position to control things and avoid harm to herself.

Other styles are determined by mutual consent to please both parties involved. Men should not force a position or style on a woman for selfish pleasure. Body no be wood!

Learned these from my nursing class!

Passing Shot: Nice to hear that. but don't you really have any first impression about ladies with tribal marks? At least you will need to get closer with her to know her other characters.

I read in history books that Africans used tribal marks to distinguish members of their tribes during tribal wars, and to avoid kidnapping their own during reprisals, otherwise there will be 'friendly fires'. Very few (the tiny ones on the chest, back, cheek, etc) were usually protective charms against whatever the families feared such as epidemic, witches/gizzards, body harms, spiritual attacks, etc. Since there are no more tribal wars, the practice should stop. But without offense to those who have it, how far apart are tribal marks from excessive tattoos/ body piercing especially the ones visible to everyone? Maybe bc tribal marks are adjudged African, as usual it's called disgusting, while excessive tattoos/ body piercing are not?

Be proud of whom you are especially if you can't change it, and feel proud to explain to curious people who may have questions about what they don't understand about you.

greatestluv4all: This is for parents with mixed sex as children. There comes a time when you need to separate them from doing some things together. .like bathing them all at once, sharing of bedspaces and the likes. How best do one carryout these task without creating friction, and not sending a wrong message between them?

It depends on the resources available to you. Number of rooms in the house and if you have help with chores.

1. Generally, in a standard 3 bedroom flat, Daddy and mommy sleep in the master bedroom, all the boys in one, and the girls in one even as early as 1yr or less (girls rooms are usually painted with bright colors like Pink, yellow, with matching bedsheets / furniture, lots of adorable dolls that scare boys away. ).

2. If you have limited room, use double bunker beds to separate them rather than multiple beds.

3. As for bathing, start from day 1 to bath them separately. Let them take turns. However, if you didn't start on time, today (now) is the right time to bath the girls desperately.

The idea is to treat your girls graciously, and respectfully like little princesses so they can grow up being soft, lady-like, and not accepting disrespect from men later. If their parents and brothers treat them with respect at home, they will demand for it outside and also will get attracted to gentlemen and not 'bedroom bullies' for date.

veave: i feel yah woged!
will share mine much later... eating chicken first...

LoL! some time I feel like quitting and going back to Nig. Some people make $6k a month and have only $500 left after paying rent, school loan, car loan, car insurance, credit card bill, cable TV bill, power bill, water bill, taxes, deductions, speeding/parking tickets, etc. LoL. Don't even ask people who have 1st and 2nd mortgages and child support payments... I wan shout ooooo!!

For those who live abroad N1mil is only about $7,500. For some people, it's only a month's salary, for some 17yrs old high school kids working part-time at McDonald's it's a year's Salary. However, the bills and cost of living is killing abroad (UK, USA especially). Jeez! So honestly I can't say I have, N1mill salary won't do much in USA after taxes and bills, but in Nigeria it's a lot.

My own Story:

My friend and I hit it in Nigeria at age 24 & 25 respectively. Unemployed and fresh from Uni, we worked as Marketing Representatives on 10% commission supplying detergents to hotels and hospitals. During our school's Alumni event, we announced our biz and asked for help. Two months later, a good-hearted fellow Alumni saw how young girls like us could set pride aside and worked on commission without salary and helped got us a supply sub-contract to UNTH/ UNEC, Enugu worth almost N7mil. We got 10% (N700k) from the company after they supplied, and because we supplied above the company's price (markup) we got another N320k, Total N1,020,000. However, we split the money btw us after paying 10% tithe to our fellowship. God bless that man wherever he is.

Girls, heaven helps those who helps themselves. If you can't get a salaried job, start with a part-time sales job on commission until God answers your prayer. It keeps ur mind busy, and better than debasing your body with men over change.

The report should have said "happily married people" because some marriages are 'death sentence'. Meanwhile, they need to carry out the study in naija too, where some married men sleep in bars, and wives sleep at vigils bc of problems at home, some married people even gallivant around more than single people, where the fastest-moving biz in some cities is hotel biz that offer quickie services... Marriage is sweet if u make a wise & right choice, otherwise na battle field for some.

I've said it many times, if anyone have to convince u that he/she is a Christian he/she is probably not. Christianity is a lifestyle that shows in character, the way u relate with other people, and the love/peace u exude where ever u are. It's not a billboard, oratory, T-shirt, and quotations you cram. This is why there are so many churches/mosques in super-religious Nigeria, yet so much wickedness, retaliatory spirit, people seeking vengeance, & majority willing to die for money. I pity anyone branded a "Nigerian Christian". That term is becoming popular even abroad. Check ur email today, u may see a fake letter from 'Sister this' or 'brother that' asking for donations, or sending u craps to fwd to 10 other people or u get cursed all frm Nigeria.

Nigerians, no be only our politicians need change, we all need am.

Happy Sunday ya all!

validplanet: i have seen well educated people with good character, dignity and integrity to match who are hopelessly and wretchedly poor.

so what's the use of EDUCATION without MONEY?

That's if money and material things are all that matter to you. Mother Theresa had no bank account, Pope John Paul II had no bank account, and the current Pope has none either. Mandela was not the wealthiest man we know of, but their names are worth millions of dollars wherever you mentioned it because of their character. They had almost anything they wanted without paying for it. Money is meant to buy what you want abi?

Moreover I beg to disagree. I have never seen an educated person with good character, dignity and integrity to match who is hopelessly and wretchedly poor. Those combination alone are highly sought after and equal to wealth. Maybe you forgot what attracts poverty (none of the above).

validplanet: What's the best legacy to give your child?

1. Good Education
2. Profitable Business
3. Money in the Bank
4. Landed Properties
5. Good Name

I will say Education, that will achieve, character, dignity and Integrity. Integrity is what you do when no one is watching. It determines what people do in times of pressure, and Martin Luther King (jr) said: ".. the ultimate test of a man is where he stands in times of pressure because character magnifies under pressure". Dignity and Character will earn them respect & good name like Mandela.

Quality education will refine them, empower them, equip them to own profitable business, good money in the bank, and landed property. And I mean education at home through examples by parents, and at school.

It's Ok to respect people. However, respect is earned and not forced on people. My Rev Fr once said "if someone have to remind you he is a Christian, he's probably not, because Christianity is seen in your style of living. Like a lamp, you cannot light it and put it under the table. It shows people the way to life"

At no point in life should someone give up power over him/herself to someone else be it a Governor, pastor, or bishop. You can only have respect for the position they occupy. Over the years human beings have shown they are untrustworthy, selfish and unreliable. Most couple who allowed pastors to meddle in their marriage are divorced today. Start now to avoid that. The next thing they tell you you must 'Obey your Daddy and Mummy'. He is not your 'Daddy', he is your pastor. Period!

ekytessy: he attends amorc and he's also a buccania.

You are already losing the fight by giving in to fear. what the crap is "he attends amorc and he's also a buccania"? Stand your ground please. By the way AMORC is a book club founded in USA and based in San Jose USA. In those days (before internet) amongst other books their members had exclusive access to ancient mystic books and stories. Today those books are widely available to everyone now on Google. They made us believe in Africa in those days that they have some special powers - poo! Absolute lie! In terms of mystical power they will rank #500 compared to the catholic church, and the type of ancient books stored at St. Basilica's library. If he is stupid, he is stupid not bc he's amorc or catholic, or pentecostal, or white beret, etc. He is simply obsessed, sick and need to be strengthened up by real men.

Please do not let anyone instill fear in you with poo! Stand your ground and shun him. If it takes non-violent confrontation, do it.

adekoonlay: God have mercy, world is coming to an END

Baffles me why many Africans (especially Nigerians) always wish the world to come to an end. Are they not happy with themselves or what? Why would a happy person want the world to end on every trivia he/she hears or reads? What's a mystery to one is actually a poem to those who understand it. Be careful of what you wish for..it may come to you - The power of collective thinking/ words!

Obinnau: Pls folks. I got a call from my mum this afternoon. She said a lady friend approached her and asked if my mom should allow my younger sis to travel to italy and serve in a hair salon as a braider. That they will be responsible for her visa and paper works. I told my mum NO! And plainly explained that italy is a big base of prostitution cartels, that they lure unsuspecting girls into there trap and force them into the trade once the girls are safely on their hands. Now i need your help and advice, is my suggestion wrong? Can the proposed braiding be what they have in mind? Yes i would like to say my sis is abroad but not as a LovePeddler. The girl in question is 17 years.

Report the caller to appropriate Authorities - possible recruiting agent for pro*stitution rings abroad. Watch Aljazeera's documentary on Nigerian girls on the streets of Italy, you will shed tears. The reporter said each girl have to (Must) sleep with an average of 10 men a day at an average of $10 per session for 10yrs to be able to pay off what they owe the agents. Held in fear by juju they even fear to escape. We only see the 50 -100 that came back to build houses. However, there are about 500k of them in Italy (according to records), do we ask what happened to the remaining 499, 900 others? some are dead, most are regretting being created as human beings. It's a 'Point of no return'

omoh25: Have been dating this guy for over 2years be cos of money .he assist me in so many things.he proposed to me it was so hard for me to tell him I DON'T LUV HIM AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

I'm afraid the person u love maybe not be truly in love with u down the line but only wants u for what u have - it's called 'the law of boomerang'. At no point is it okay to deceive or manipulate people. Right from the inception of that relationship u should have made it very clear to him it's purely ero*tic (physical relation), he probably would have accepted also for the s*ex u give him. The man may forgive u, but karma won't. Solution is 'Restitution' (read that up).

Kanwulia: Hmmmmm! Na so PEDO-Philia dey take start! I don't feel comfortable with this kind of gesture. Good luck to them sha-sha!

He's no a pedo or whatever, he's a loving father, treasuring his own flesh and blood. Let's not take the fun away from what a true family is and should be, with some oyibo paranoia. It's called 'Father & daughter's bond'. Every princess had it.

Hmm! Sista, sista, sista, how many times have I called u? None of the qualities you listed are good reasons to marry a man (except a bit of #2), ask ur married aunties, they will tell you the same. You sounded like marrying a man because of his nice car. What happens if he loses the car?

Please stick with the man that believes in ur dreams & willing to support u to achieve ur life goals. The man u move along with better, who respects u, makes u laugh, laughs at ur jokes, plays with u like a kid, have less arguments and with more fatherly attributes (for the sake of ur kids). I don't care if the other is the CEO of 'water bottle bank', with seven fat bank accounts, and the intellect of Shakespeare & Einstein combined. Are u signing a contract with a business partner or looking for a man who can forfeit work sit by ur bed-side, feed u & bath u when u are sick & dirty? That's what a husband does to a wife he loves, not writing checks.

All the luck

If you want to play smart, US military has a policy that's called "don't ask, don't tell"

If they have kids, I won't tell the other partner to avoid a divorce that will put the kids at risk. However, I will call the cheating partner privately and warn him/her that I may be forced to exercise my rights to be & remain stupid (according to US laws) if he/ she doesn't stop cheating, and pray he/ she takes me serious. If he/she continues, I'll cut the friendship. A cheat will be caught or exposed anyway (I pray not by me), it's a matter of time.

Loyalty to your friend should be 101%. Never betray a friend no matter how tough the situation is.

Please it's not all Nigerians, but people who cry for what they can't afford, people who can't save, and people who have used up all their lies/credit lines with every person they know and now discovering new people to borrow from. The funniest is a guy who borrowed from a friend to pay his mistress' rent while his house rent (where he lives with his wife and kids were past due)...LoL!

Only banks lend money and not individuals. If you have, pls give as a donation but never give a loan to a naija. I've learned the had way. If u doubt me go and ask the failed banks how they got there.

I'm not a mom but has some experience as a nurse. Start with putting the b.reast milking in the bottle to get him used to bottle feeding, then gradually introduce formula especially those that tastes like b.reast milk. Some formulas taste sugary and baby knows immediately it's not the real thing.

All the luck.

Happens all the time, but usually don't make the news because of the shame involved. Especially those hooking up on FB, social networks and Arangy! have heard of few Naija ladies who did same too in the USA. One diverted right from the airport to her bf living eleswhere and later refunded the 'mugu' naija husband after 6 months.

just be careful of facebook hookups. Most times it's all laced with lies and deceits on both sides.

Very easy answer:

How much is one baby, and which parent's salary can pay for it if he/she is lost?

Point: Staying home is not about who makes more or less, rather who can take care of the kids better. A poorly raised child will cost more in future. One crime can wipe out a life-time savings/ investment, as well as cause parents to die early of high blood pressure. It's a mother's role to raise her kids to grow up with her character. If you can't raise your kids, don't have them. Oprah is the richest black women, and has no kids. having kids is both a choice and sacrifice.

1. Walking over to the house of a 73yrs old member of our church who has no children and keeping her company for 3hrs- $0.00
2. Sending my spare shoes & clothes to my neigbor's poor house girl through a friend traveling back home- $0.00
3. Sending emails and texts to 10 people that offended me this yr telling them I still love them- $0.00
4. Baby-sitting my friend's 3 kids, so she could spend quality time with her husband, which she hasn't done in over a yr - $0.00

Total Spent= $0.00.
Quantity of items got - tonnes of love and joy in the heart of people.

Just celebrating Xmas the way Christ would at no cost.

That's why you should not read another person's texts. Now you saw what you cannot handle. If I had advised you that day not to read your father's text, you'd have said I should mind my business.

Please do not read ur wife's, husbands, girlfriend's, boyfriend's, father's, mother's, sister's, brother's, coworker's, best friend's etc texts, except you're working very hard to be unhappy. Spend ur time looking for what will keep u happy. "yanga dey sleep, trouble go wake am"

- Men, if you don't love ur wife anymore, let her go alive and move on. there's something called 'Divorce' or 'legal separation'.
- Women, behave yourself, don't cheat on your spouses, if you don't enjoy your husband anymore, there's something called 'Divorce' or 'legal separation.'
-Neigbors, mind your business and get your own. Thou shalt not covet ur neigbor's wife or property. If you want ur own, please hit any African church, dem plenty well, well praying for a good man.
- Hot-tempered people, there's a 6 months counseling/ therapy class called "Anger Management', take the session before starting a relationship. It helps!

My heart goes out to the poor kids growing up without a mother and father.