₦airaland Forum

JSS 1: I want to be a Doctor.
SSS 1: I want to be a Lawyer.
10 Years Later: Contact me for your iTunes gift card for instant cash out.

#Xavier.

Up till now, nobody have actually explained to me why I wrote junior waec.

#Xavier.

1. LWKMD!!! The moment I knew Nigeria was in trouble was when someone stole his neighbor's goat and dyed it BLACK. Only for the neighbor to say, "It is my goat, I recognized it by its smile
" Lolz....

2. A girl posted a blank picture yesterday. And a guy still had the mind to ccomment, " wow! You look dark and lovely"! But bro, why nah

3. They said Dangote started his business with the $3000 his uncle gave him. My own problem is my uncleuncle. If I flash him, he will flash back. If I send him "pls call me" he will text me back ""pls call me it's urgent"" twice!

4. HEART BREAK is that moment when you play bet9ja with your school fees...predicting Chelsea to win Barcelona... but just about 3mins after the kickoff time; Barcelona scored their first
goal... You would be like, "Oh God, quickly show me the fastest mean of transportation to heaven".

5. Hypertension is that pain u get at the back of your head after selling ur land to send ur daughter abroad to study Medicine and she comes back as a make up artist.

6. I was shocked when a girl asked me on Facebook, "how much is your age??" Chinekemo!! I replied, "sister, nah 20naira oo"...

7. Akpos opened his eyes after a surgical operation and breathed “Thank God it’s over”. A man on the other side of his bed said, “don’t be so sure, they left an injections in my belly and had to open it again”. Another patient added, “same with me but mine was a pack of cotton wool”. Almost immediately, the doctor who did the operation stormed in and asked, “Has anyone seen my watch?” Akpos fainted.

8. Welcome to 9ja where girls celebrate their birthday every 4months just to get a new shoe from their boo...haha lemme start running
away with the speed of thunder b4 they bite my lips

9. Atongo: what's going on in the next house?
Akpos: Oh! It's a birthday party
Atongo: Whose birthday party?
Akpos: Tuyu!
Atongo: Who is Tuyu
Akpos: I don't know him, but they keep singing;
"Happy birthday tuyu... Happy birthday tuyu

1. I wanted to go for jogging early morning. BUT when I opened the Bible, Proverbs (28-1) says; "The wicked run when no man is chassing them" .... And I went back to sleep. Yes nah! I'm not a wicked person.

2. The night before Valentine’s Day, Akpos and his girlfriend had this conversation:
Girlfriend: (Just waking up) Heeeey! Honey! I dreamt that you bought me a diamond ring on Valentine’s day.
Akpos: Wow! Go back to sleep and wear it.

3. It's only in nollywood you will see an angel with
tribal Marks. Nawa o!!

4. I was very shocked when my neighbor's daughter told me the opposite of "HANDSOME" is "LEGSOME" Chisos! I'm still searching for a suitable place for fainting.

5. I said, "I will take you to a place you've never been before" She became so happy . Then I took her to my village, she start to vex. Abeg, has she been to my village before ... Mtchew!

6. My guy searched these keywords on GOOGLE search "HOW TO MAKE A LADY HAPPY WHEN WE DON'T HAVE MONEY." GOOGLE replied, "Bro, good morning o! No result found! Abeg, tell us when you've gotten the answer, thanks!".

7. LWKMD ... I was confused when my guy told me he watched a Nigerian porn yesterday and they ended it with "TO GOD BE THE GLORY" Yeehhhh!!! I still dey look for where I go faint o.

8. My English Teacher in Secondary School taught me "MY NAME IS" The University taught me " MY NAMES ARE". But the Society now is teaching me 'MY NAME NA' Abeg! Why are u people confusing my Life??

9. The shortest conversation in the world is that moment when you are in the toilet, and someone opens the door .
YOU: EEEEEH!
THE PERSON: AAAAAH!

10. After stopping a car, checked the papers, 9ja police would be like:
POLICEMAN: If you start feeling sick on the steering, who would drive this car home?
MOTORIST: I don’t intend to fall sick, officer, but thank God I have my friend here. if I fall sick, he will drive me home.
POLICEMAN: (turns to his friend) Where is your driver’s license?
FRIEND: I don’t have one.
POLICEMAN: You are under arrest for intent to drive without a licence!

Ochugo: Akpors, I can't wait to be done with my NYSC, get a good job or start up a successful business, get married to the love of my life, get kids and build a home together with my wife.

Akpors: That's good, mmmmmm, as for me, i Can't Wait To Get Married, Have Kids, Steal Meat From The Pot, Nd Tell My Wife It Was The Kids.

#Xavier.

That moment when you fall off a bike and your crush is passing by.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Just Pondering Sha.

Stupidity is when you didn't kill a cow for your mom or dad to enjoy when they were alive but when they died you killed one to hold their burial ceremony.
My Friend, just come forward, pack your bags, take the next available bus to Mountain Of Fire Prayer City at Lagos Ibadan expressway for the next Deliverance Session. What Nonsense.

#Xavier.

donstan18:
Generally, marriage is the legal or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship[Specifically a union between a man and a woman].

As we all know, most men[Not all] wait till they are financially buoyant enough to start up a family, because it's mainly a man's responsibility to pay the bills in his home, and he should be prepared.

But does that mean a lady who has only 2k in her account is finacially good to go or fit for marriage? I mean, like how much should a lady worth before accepting a marriage proposal from a man?

OPINIONS from either men/women will be welcomed.

The worthiness of a lady who is ready to get married isn't measured by her finances but by her character.
Finances doesn't build a home, good character does. Finances doesn't make marriage last, good character does. So if any man wants to settle down, he should worth his prospective or potential wife by her character and not finances.

Finances is majorly the Hubby's duty to handle but that doesn't mean the wife can't if she wants to and is capable and is agreed by both parties.

But for your question, a lady is financially okay to get married if she is FINANCIALLY STABLE. By Financial Stability, I don't mean being bastardly rich, but what I mean by Financial Stability is being Financially Okay whereas one can take care of his or herself including his or her love ones if inclusive without stress or difficulty no matter how little his or she is worth or earns.
So if she is financially okay where she can support you in running the home in terms of finances without stress or difficulty no matter how little she is worth or earns, then bro she is Financially Worth and Okay for marriage.

Namastey.

#Xavier.

Wonder.

You didn't join porn industry because of your terrible and harsh past rather you join it because you CHOOSED to join.

There are women that has passed through worse situations than yours but they choosed not to sell their body for money or become porn actress or delve into any illegitimate, ungodly and immoral activities to make money but chooses to work hard legitimately, non pervertedly and decently to make their money.

So you see sweet heart, it was a matter of CHOICE and not a matter of your harsh past.

#Xavier.

Bibi294:
Happy birthday to you darling

**"Places Both Hands On His Chest***
Huh, Thanks Dear.

#Xavier.

Airforce1:
Why attack her husband and side chick when she could easily walk out of the relationship??

I see women who go all violent on their husband and sidechick as jezebbel.

The right thing to do when you find yourself in such relationship is to walk away and never look back .. because I think it's better that way than going all violent which could claim your life in the process or land you in jail.

Nice one but you should also remember that some people (men and women alike) are so committed to their relationship, they don't wanna give up on it rather they wanna make it work at all cost. So not every lady will choose to walk away from their relationship.

#Xavier.

lovelybugs:
You guys are getting it wrong. I think the reason why women attack the side chicks is because they known if they attack their husband they will probably be thrown out of the house. Only dependent women attack the side chicks. Most independent women prefer to walk away

So attacking the side chick is better? common that's totally crazy. The side chick is not in a relationship with the said woman but her man is. Her anger should be channelled towards her man rather than the side chick or better still work out of the relationship, okwaya.
Beside attacking the side is gonna make all jokes be on you, common why attack a side chick over a husband that doesn't love and respect and likewise doesn't see anything wrong in keep a side chick. Doesn't that sound irrational and stupid.

And as for independency part, every woman should strive to be one to avoid been treated as a pauper.
Beside not every lady choose to stick with their man because they depend on them but they do it because they are so committed to their relationship, they don't wanna give up on it and they wanna make it work at all cost.

#Xavier.

Xaos:
It's human nature to attack and subdue anything that threatens our happiness and security. How you deal with the urge depends on maturity and home training.

Rightly said. Maturity has a bigger role to play in this.

.

Argh Argh what is it with Kemi and Linda. Whether she dates Mr so so and so and lies about Mr so so and so is none of your business. It's her life, not yours. so why drink paracetamol over someone's headache and life. Shuo.

This Kemi own done too much. I thought she said she gave her life to CHRIST at Salvation Ministry because the manner she is talking and behaving nowadays most especially with this Linda issue doesn't depict someone that is born again.

#Xavier.

That Acid Bather should severely punished. Can you imagine, bathing a fellow human like you with Acid.
Yes, she slept with your hubby, but that doesn't give you the right to Acidify her. Besides, she is not the one you should attack, you should attack your husband for having the guts to cheat on you, a choirmaster for that matter.

#Xavier.

Glowing Indeed. Beautiful lady but that make up too much na.
#Xavier.

This Is Highly Commendable. Nice One Pastor.

#Christianity_In_Practice.
#Xavier.

That's really bad. He should be severely punished. I wonder why some people are just heartless.

PS: Just Watch And See How Nigerian Yoruba Demons And Sweet Boys Start Their Own Version.

This one na problem. See how disfigured and shapeless it looks like fufu wet in water and trampled under foot.

#Rushes_To_Throw_Up.
#Xavier.

Offpoint:
I've vow never to involve in that shît call sex for now, after I accidentally put my phone on audio recorder during the shît... after the act and I tried playing the record back... I can't believe bullshits I was saying... ah a grown azz man like me speaking Chinese.

#Ah sww, hmm, e sweet oo, sey you put sugar? e like combination of sugar and honey, my head wan burst... kakakuku kikilamalama papami latilati aah.. like that, oh no.. nawa o... do that again, again, again... I don die... peperenpe... lalalala [weaselling]...

don't want to talk about all the promises I've made and all of these within just a minute.

never again am I involving myself in such a stupid act again till I got married

LOL.

Goodluck with that. Let's see how long you can last.
Anyways, welcome to the club bro @Bolded.

#Team_No_Sex_Till_Marriage.
#Xavier.

Informative but telling your woman to shut when she is screaming during sex sounds stupid to me. Common she is only reacting to the effect, stimuli and pleasure she is deriving and obviously wants it more.

Bros, if you think and know you have what it takes to give her harder when she ask for it please do, maximum sexual pleasure and satisfaction is your spouse rights and of course yours.
BUT
If you know, and you know that you know you don't have what it takes to give your partner harder when she demands it, my brother, from the deepest part of my heart, na beg I dey beg, please desist, don't go and kill yourself.
Remember, he who sex and runs away, leaves to sex another day.
You can not come and kill yourself jare.

Using drug enhancer to boost libido should be avoided. That thing has tons of side effects. Please Dearest desist.
BTW
You don't need drug enhancer to enjoy lasting and pleasurable sex. There are lots of ways to go about that. All you need is just to learn the robes of pleasurable love making.

#Xavier.

Wonders Of Make-up.

#Xavier.