₦airaland Forum

Definitely he has to resign .

jboy73:
As for me what I'll advice u 2 do is for u to look for every means possible to borrow sense.
Even if its fairly used sense or Aba made sense, please sort to get it because as I'm looking at u so, ur upstairs is empty.

It will also affect the guys work.

The only way is to resign.

josh123:
Fucck those bitches after fuccking, report them to oga at the top that they are not performing well

I understand what you are trying to say but there are women that carry the home. Regards the first woman, if Adam had taken full control of her ,the devil would not available any loop hole to step in or what do you think ?

tivta:
see them forming feminists here,if it is time for rent they will say its a mans duty, time for school fees its a mans duty, time for feeding, its a mans duty. only western women have the right to be feminists cause they most often than not contribute nothing less than 50% of the cost of running the family. hardly does this happen in nigeria, instead you here woman killing their husbands cause he refused to give feeding money. hate it or love it, most nigerian women of toady are nothing more than commodities hence the reason why men buy and discard them at will...

nairaland has given invisible voice to the women above who make it seem like they are the best thing since slice bread but forget that it is women that first brought sin into the world and for that reason, women will always be second class citizens....

I understand what you are saying but that doesn't mean women are second class . There are still women carrying their families. Women play a good role in Africa. If the first man had taken full charge and care of the wife, the snake wouldn't have any loop hole to strike.

tivta:
see them forming feminists here,if it is time for rent they will say its a mans duty, time for school fees its a mans duty, time for feeding, its a mans duty. only western women have the right to be feminists cause they most often than not contribute nothing less than 50% of the cost of running the family. hardly does this happen in nigeria, instead you here woman killing their husbands cause he refused to give feeding money. hate it or love it, most nigerian women of toady are nothing more than commodities hence the reason why men buy and discard them at will...

nairaland has given invisible voice to the women above who make it seem like they are the best thing since slice bread but forget that it is women that first brought sin into the world and for that reason, women will always be second class citizens....

loooooooool

DabLord:
.
On my birthday,last month,she planned a surprise for me at home. It was just too beautiful. The meal was superb,she had my best friends over,the entire event was just marvelous. My friend Kunle told me at the party that it was getting obvious that Jessica liked me. I didnt know what to think. But at the end of the day,I went to say thank you to Jessica for the party and she kissed me. I acted surprised and she apologized,saying she thought I would like it. At that point,I threw all caution away and kissed her back. We ended up making love that night. I was in love no doubt with Jessie. And she me.
We have been on for a month now and I must confess,I have never been this happy in my life. But this is also wrong cos Allen is my friend,how am I going to break this to him? Jessie and I have talked about this,she is scared too but she is ready to face him cos she said she has never been loved the way I love her.
I know Allen will hate me for betraying him. He probably would think I got Jessie cos I was richer or something. I value friendship very well,especially loyal friends like Allen. Do you think I should break my relationship with Jessie for the sake of my friendship with Allen? Jessie has said even if we break up,she would never go back to Allen as she is not in love with him anymore but me. I also see that Jessie and I breaking up would hurt us so much. We didnt plan this but we are definitely in love. My daughter too would be crushed.
If you were in my shoes,what would you do? I would appreciate some really objective and constructive answers or criticism.
Thank you.
Larry,
That's the continuation

He has to.

Since he cant control his feeling.

modelmike7:
It's worth to feel guilty for.....

True word!

BossLaifay:
That's why I asked how many of them actually marry as millionaires? Men that women help to save face and cover their shame in this Nigeria. Only struggling men complain about women leeching on them and their hard earned pennies

Hello Lively Stones and Naira land readers,

I kindly seek for your counsel regards this.

Allen and I were buddies way back from secondary school to University. We all grew up in the same neighborhood in Ikoyi as kids. Jessica was also a kid in our neighborhood we all knew. Her family lived in the same compound with Allen's family. Jessica was in primary six when we were in SS2. She was a pretty girl and most young boys my age and less had a crush on her.

Today,I manage my father's oil and gas business,doing very well. I am married with a three year old daughter but myself and my wife got separated. It just didnt work out,I guess I married the wrong person. She has since moved on about a year ago.

Allen called me out of the blues five months ago. I hadnt heard from him in life three years. He told me his girlfriend needed a job. He was based in South Africa but his girlfriend who turned out to be little Jessica was in Nigeria in search of a job.He asked if I could help. I agreed instantly,come on,this is like my family. So Jessica started with .....


http://livelystones.com.ng/i-am-feeling-guilty-for-falling-in-love-with-my-best-friends-girlfriend/

My dear ,For one to be a virgin doesnt mean she is a good girl.

However ,Good girls are every where and Bad girls too.

Not all girls in the city are bad and not all village girls are good.

preciousluv2018:
Dear Admin,

I am a young man of thirty two. I deliberately searched for a wife to marry from my village because I fear women from the city here. So when I was ready a year ago,I sent my parents to help me find a wife.

Uru my wife just finished her NCE and everybody know here in the village as a very good and quiet, I was very happy when my parents chose her for me. Even when I was courting her (we courted for like 2 months before our wedding),she used to be very shy and reserved and I was impressed by how homely and godly she was.

Our wedding came and I was very much satisfied when I found out on our wedding night that Uru was a virgin. Because of this,I didnt fear or have any cause to fear or suspect my wife. She moved to join me here in the city but what I am seeing after the marriage is ....


http://livelystones.com.ng/my-wife-pretended-to-be-innocent-but-i-am-scared-of-what-she-will-do/

He really needs prayer indeed.
Do people still think this these days?
Good and bad ladies are every where .
For a lady to be a virgin doesn't make her good.

Pat081:
U nid prayer so u can nt finish wot u start?Wu do u think will go to dat site next person may go dia because he /she may b jobless

Dear Admin,

I am a young man of thirty two. I deliberately searched for a wife to marry from my village because I fear women from the city here. So when I was ready a year ago,I sent my parents to help me find a wife.

Uru my wife just finished her NCE and everybody know here in the village as a very good and quiet, I was very happy when my parents chose her for me. Even when I was courting her (we courted for like 2 months before our wedding),she used to be very shy and reserved and I was impressed by how homely and godly she was.

Our wedding came and I was very much satisfied when I found out on our wedding night that Uru was a virgin. Because of this,I didnt fear or have any cause to fear or suspect my wife. She moved to join me here in the city but what I am seeing after the marriage is......


http://livelystones.com.ng/my-wife-pretended-to-be-innocent-but-i-am-scared-of-what-she-will-do/

Looooool. Very funny

jboy73:
As for me what I'll advice u 2 do is for u to look for every means possible to borrow sense.
Even if its fairly used sense or Aba made sense, please sort to get it because as I'm looking at u so, ur upstairs is empty.

Holding on to the past emotional trauma is still an issue. Try to love your self first. Express God's love . Believe and trust in God's love.

liquidlove2018:
Dear Lively Stones ,

Hello my name is Gracia, my friend added me to this group which i did not understand why but having been reading some of your posts i feel like perhaps it will benefit me on shedding some light on something i have recently discovered.

Feel free to share on both lively stone and naira land.

I am a single mom of two, my relationship with my kids’s father ended about a year and a half ago, it was overall a very unhealthy one with lots of emotional abuse.
I had a very rough year following the end of this relationship and struggled to find a home with my kids, after a year we are finally building our lives again in our new home and we are much happier.

Before then i met a lovely man who was very smitten with me and initially i thought i liked him a lot but then realised i actually feel nothing for him, infact i couldnt stand the sight of him and i quickly had to end it. I thought perhaps at the time i was not really ready for a relationship and maybe it was too soon, however i recently met my ideal kinda guy, christian, caring,and he is even talking of marriage, again i felt very excited at the beginning as i have been praying for a God loving God fearing man but those feelings of indifference has come back, i feel absolutely nothing and its killing me because i dont understand why!

I want to feel something, not necessarily butterflies but something. I know i care about him and i worry for him and i think about him and i dont want to lose him but i dislike his company for no reason, as soon as i see him i wish he would go. He has noticed this and i plucked the courage to tell him whats going on with me, at first he was very understanding and was willing to support me if i wanted to go for therapy but he suddenly ....

http://livelystones.com.ng/could-my-abusive-marriage-preventing-me-from-finding-true-love-again/

Thank you for this awesome response. Indeed Marriage requires both parties. Everyone has to put in all into it to make it work.

greatnaija01:
TO ANSWER YOUR FIRST QUESTION, Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP.... it takes TWO TO MAKE IT WORK.... what most Nigerians see as MARRIAGE is Slavery... It takes 50/50 from both parties to make it 100% successful.

FOR YOUR SECOND QUESTION

WOMEN NEED THE FOLLOWING BUT SOMETIMES THEY DO NOT KNOW IT AND THEY CONFUSE IT WITH WANTS BASED ON SOCIETAL STANDARDS

1) SECURITY- most women are Insecure ALONE so they want someone who will be there for them when they feel inadequate. Tho the society has wrongly painted this as FINANCIAL only... but even RICH WOMEN need security and would cheat on their hubby if a man outside can do that for them.

2) ATTENTION: Have u ever walked on the street with your lady? you would notice other ladies looking at her and she too is doing the same... they are trying to find out what is wrong or right in each other and learn the secrets behind one another's gait.... WOMEN need ATTENTION else they may consume themselves with other things just to pass time.

3) PROVISION: The needs of a man a insatiable but that of a woman is everlasting. The women need you to PROVIDE WHATEVER THEY ARE LACKING.... No woman will come prepared packaged and perfect, the man has to MAKE UP FOR HER LOSES.

4) COMPANION: THEY need a partner in crime and in cuddle, someone they can be VERY REAL with. this is very crucial as most ladies tend to trust the males more than they do females.

5) AFFIRMATION: Well, she does not know she needs this until you have given it to her at the perfect moment.... Ladies need WORDS... but the kind of WORDS must be AFFIRMATIVE, words that build them up and encourage them even if they MESS UP BADLY. WORDS that show you are patient with them and not angry with them even tho they have done something to drive you MAD.

6) TOUCH: The women need this too even if she is IRON LADY... you need to know that deep inside her... THERE IS A LITTLE GIRL BEGGING TO BE TOUCHED AND HELD AND LOVED. Know the right places to touch per occasion... NOT EVERY TOUCH SHOULD LEAD TO SEX.

7) ADVENTURE: Women of all ages and races get BORED when you can not get creative with your time with them.... ADVENTURE is not about sex o.... it is how you customize your love for them... being spontaneous and NEVER predictable... that keeps them expecting more.

..... I will stop here. BUT I hope you have gotten the raw practical answers to WHAT WOMEN WANT.

Dear Lively Stones Admin ,

Thank you for the impart your platform is making ,kindly share this with nairanders and your readers.

I am so sorry for what am about to say but I need help thats why I am writing to a relationship blog for advice.

My ex and I dated for three years and he cheated with me with someone I know and that prompted me to break up with him in anger. And just to show him I could move on without him,I married the first guy that showed up and we got married in less than a year. I know I made a mistake but I was hoping to find love quickly cos I was too heartbroken from the infidelity of my ex.

However,I knew in my heart,I never really got over my ex. A year after my marriage....

http://livelystones.com.ng/my-ex-and-i-are-flirty-and-i-dont-care-that-his-wife-knows/

Looooool.

My dear ,you better run ohhhh coz in future if your cousins have big boobs ,it's an issue ohhhh.

liquidlove2018:
Dear Admin,

Please help me ask on your group and nairanders if this is ok.

I want to know if I have cause to worry or maybe even discontinue my relationship.My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. Its a serious relationship,he is already talking marriage maybe this year or next.

But my boyfriend has a habit that is giving me concern. He is addicted to big breasts. My are ok,not too big but big enough. But he likes to collect nude breast photos. He says he just likes them. He has pictures of my breast too. I sent it to him,that is one of the things we do to keep the relationship sexy. I know guys like seeing nudes and I am proud of my body and my boyfriend likes....


http://livelystones.com.ng/my-boyfriend-has-a-weird-addictionshould-i-dump-him/

Olumide and I were dating for almost two years. We were already talking marriage when the tragedy occurred. Olumide died in a car accident on his way from Ikere. When the news of his death reached me,I collapsed and I was devastated. But something else happened.

I discovered I was pregnant two weeks after Olumide’s death. I was so scared when I found out and I didnt know what to do. I didnt know how I was going to raise a child after the death of the father. I was also thinking it would be difficult to find a man to marry me if I have a child already. With all these thoughts,I had an abortion.

After the abortion,I started to have night mares and sometimes I see someone like Olumide crying in my dream asking me why I killed his baby. The nightmares continued for almost a year. I was too scared to tell anyone. That was six years ago.

I got married 3 years ago and since I got married,I have not been able to get pregnant. The doctors have examined me and my husband and have said nothing is wrong with both of us. But at the back of my mind,I feel guilty for aborting Olumide’s child and sometimes feel that is the reason for the delay in having my own children.

My husband’s mother isnt making ............

http://livelystones.com.ng/is-my-late-boyfriend-punishing-me-for-aborting-his-baby/

I miss my dad so much. I told my mom not to divorce him but she wouldnt listen. My name is Zavia,I am 22 years old undergraduate. My parents got divorced two years ago. As far as I am concerned,my mother is the cause of my parents break up.

Before the break up,my parents used to fight all the time. My mother always accused my father of cheating on her whereas she never got him with any woman. They would quarrel and fight for days without end. I used to dread going home for holidays cos I didnt want to see my parents. But my dad loved me so much. Inspite of all that was happening,he made sure that he kept caring for me and my brother Xavia. He would buy us anything we needed. He visited us regularly at boarding school. He called every other day to check on us. Where as my mom seemed not to care. It came to me as a realization one day that my mom regretted marrying my father and regretted having us as her children. She kept threatening to divorce and I kept begging her not to. My father also kept begging her but she wouldnt listen.Two years ago,they finally divorced and since that time,my life has never been the same.

I will never forgive my mom for allowing my father leave the house for us. I became angry and bitter against my mom. And to punish her,I became wayward. I began to party and drink and sleep with guys. I found myself dependent on porn and sex. I would have sex with any guy who even tried to smile at me. Yes,I became a rebel. Its amazing how my grades in school still fell within average. I was hurting inside and no one knew why. My mother began to date men after the divorce. She seemed happy with her new freedom. That made me even more angrier.

Because of this anger,I seduced ....

http://livelystones.com.ng/how-my-mother-turned-me-into-the-callous-bitch-that-i-am-today/

You know the expression. “It’s not you, it’s me.” Pop culture pap, don’t you think? But when searching for reasons to leave a relationship, or at least what to say, the reality is “It’s not me, it’s you” is often how we truly feel.

Sure, as exit strategies go, we look to diminish the likelihood of conflict. We also try to soften the blow, and taking responsibility for the relationship’s demise has become standard operating procedure. But the justifications for ending romances, long-term relationships and marriages is usually more complicated.

And sometimes, “it’s not me, it’s you” is right on the money.

Why Relationships Fizzle

Even the best relationships can be eroded by events that life throws at us — medical issues and layoff come to mind. These aren’t the only issues that put a strain on daily life, and they won’t necessarily drive a permanent wedge between people who love each other.

But test us?

You bet. And in the handling of these challenges, we may perceive aspects of character in our partners that we then struggle to accept. Or, the challenges are so great, they eventually break the couple’s bond.

As for other reasons that relationships end, not as the result of an unpredictable life event, are many. Here are a few off the top of my head:

One partner meets someone new
Infidelity, emotional affairs
Boredom
Money problems
Values Mismatch
Abuse
Poor communication
sexual incompatibility
Bored? Lovers by Musical Chairs

Some years back, a divorced friend of mine led quite the merry love life. At the time, I couldn’t decide if I was envious or disturbed. She was a stunning women and seemed to run through lovers at a rate of two per year. Now, you say, that’s not so many – except she typically fell in love, moved them into her home, got a ring on her finger…but the engagement never ended in marriage.

This went on for years, until eventually she did remarry, and since that time we lost touch.

I’ve always wondered who ended each relationship, if the complexity of her family situation was a factor (juggling a job and a couple of kids), or if she simply grew bored.

And yes, I’m making an assumption that she was the one to terminate these whirlwind affairs. She was a man magnet — not only beautiful, but smart, funny, and I suspect, a tad aloof.

Men looked at her adoringly, pursued energetically, and appeared to be happy in her company. At least, until something in the “real world” hit her, him, or both of them.

I’ve certainly known men who’ve spent years with a revolving door of women in and out of their lives. Again, I’ve wondered if it’s boredom, the stereotypical inability to commit, or not feeling as if they had found a longer term partner.

Does Familiarity Really Breed Discontent?

I’m not convinced that familiarity breeds discontent; for some of us it’s comforting, warming, reassuring.

On the other hand, when we take each other for granted, when our routines are entirely predictable, when our stories are told by rote, when the sex is equally predictable, when romance has all but disappeared… discontent can inch its way into what is otherwise a loving and solid relationship.

Then what?

Try to spice it up? Try to talk? Or is it so difficult to communicate without hurting each other, that you sit on your feelings until you’re ready to implode?

I suppose that next steps depend on the nature of the relationship. Married with kids? I say: Work on it! One year in and tuning out? I say: Start looking! Several years of an established relationship and generally positive shared history? Once again, I believe it’s worth trying to turn things around.

However long you’ve been together, when friendship, respect, trust, common values as well as love are part of the package, again I would say to work on it. Those qualities aren’t easy to find.

Why Couples REALLY Break Up

Curious to know if my list of breakup reasons hits the mark, I consulted this article on the top 10 reasons couples break up. My first thought was that someone meets a new potential partner, and my next thought was infidelity.

It turns out that the top five reasons are as follows:

Poor communications
Money
Abuse
Social isolation
Conflicting Goals
Infidelity, in case you’re wondering, is number 10 in the list according to the cited resource. And do note the importance of money matters!

Social Isolation: Too Much Togetherness?

Social isolation? I wonder about that one. We all have limited time these days, so how does this play out?

The article explains:

… love relationships require space and outside socialization to develop healthily. Relationship problems may emerge if being together has caused one or both partners to distance themselves from family and friends.

How I interpret that?

We need to be ourselves, and not be so dependent on each other as to cut people or passions out of our lives entirely. Yet I see this as a gray area that isn’t readily solved. Contemporary life is complex, families are spread across the country, responsibilities in blended families can be particularly challenging, and surely we must feed and nurture the relationship itself.

Where does this leave “me” time?

Too often, at the bottom of the list. Yet without “me” time, how do we bring a full self to the relationship?

Discomfort, Anger, Tears

The way he goes to the bathroom with the door open. The way she flosses her teeth. The way he chews and doesn’t realize when there’s food dribbled into his beard. The way she leaves her clothes wherever she happens to take them off.

Are these deal breakers? Really?

Maybe not in principle, and maybe not initially.

But what happens when other elements of the relationship are breaking down? Don’t these irritations loom large and drive you crazy? Doesn’t it seem as if you can’t stand another minute?

All of the examples above are habits that could easily be addressed. But what about that poor communication? What about not wanting to “criticize” the other person? If you can’t talk about the small things — or worse, you do, and they’re ignored — what about the more significant issues?

Confrontation is difficult, and more difficult for some than others. No one likes the finger pointed at them, blame or disapproval hurled their way, or lashing out with digs that sting at the worst possible time. The way we handle conflict matters.

Most of us do think before we speak, and try not to hurt the ones we love. And, we may fear what conflict may unleash.

Some of us feel attacked, and so we withdraw emotionally. If your partner maintains a certain distance as it is, you may worry even more about pushing him or her away.

Now What?

Psychology Today discusses leaving a relationship in a larger context, and in an intelligent way. Referring to friendships as well as romantic relationships, Karyn Hall, PhD suggests we consider the joy we share as well as conflict or pain. Does the joy win out? Has it entirely seeped away?

She writes:

Challenges exist in any relationship. There may be emotional moments when you are sure you want to end the connection and never see the person again only to have those feelings pass quickly.

Dr. Hall makes suggestions for determining whether or not it’s time to leave a relationship, and they include:

Consider whether overall the relationship enhances your life or is destructive or restrictive… Significant people in your life should encourage you and support you in living the life you want to live…

Also noting that stress may cause behaviors that erode the quality of the relationship, this, to me, is when we must clearly look at whether we’re dealing with “it’s not you, it’s me” or the other way around. For instance, we may not feel emotionally, physically, or financially equipped to take on the other person’s challenges though we recognize their causes — for example, job or medical stress. Or, we note that the other person is unable to support us in the goals we have set out for ourselves, and that conflict of goals is slowly splitting us apart.

What next?

That depends. On your marital status, your parenting status, your financial status, your emotional state. No doubt there are other considerations like knowing what you really want in your relationship and more importantly, in your life; knowing what and whom you’re willing to sacrifice to get it; understanding the options, should you later change your mind.

Other factors that are more explicit: Would the other person change? Could he? Would those changes make a difference or is it too late? Can you change? Would that make a difference? Is it too late? Are there enough positives to give it a go instead of walking away?

http://livelystones.com.ng/not-reasons-people-leave-relationships/

Charly Boy, born Charles Chukwuemeka Oputa, is a Nigerian singer/songwriter, television presenter, publisher, producer and one of Nigeria’s most controversial entertainers, best known for his alternative lifestyle, political views, and media productions was recently sighted with the pastor of Christ Embassy Abuja,Rev Tom Amekhienam.

What will Charley boy be doing in Church with a pastor after all he said against Churches ,Pastors, religious leaders in Nigeria.

For more pictures ,

http://livelystones.com.ng/charly-boy-sighted-pastor-christ-embassy-abuja/

Most men think the cure for any and everything is sex. You’re happy? Your husband probably thinks it’s because of the sex you had and that prompts him to want to have more. And when you’re sad, his mind immediately thinks that sex will boost your mood. When in fact, it isn’t.

Sometimes, men learn this lesson the hard way, like Mr Raji, who recently confessed openly at a couple’s retreat that it took him close to ten years of marriage to finally figure out the fact that when his wife dresses in a certain manner or says something, he isn’t expected to jump ahead of himself and start putting the moves on her in the hope of getting some action between the sheets.

His wife shut down on him and kept saying no, every time he wanted sex, until he became frustrated and called a couple’s conference to find out why he was not getting any more action. She revealed to him that it wasn’t every time that she wore a fitted dress that she wanted sex and especially, the simple fact that she holds his hands in public is not a signal for sex that night. Sometimes, she just wanted him to say something nice about her dress, and sometimes, she just wanted him to squeeze her hands, not hold it more firmly, as he was wont to do.

Ten years and he finally gets it. Now, he knows that he gets far more, if he engages in days-long pre-intimacy than a hurried one. That he kisses his wife and leaves it only at that earns him lots more action between the sheets.

He found that his heartfelt compliments make his wife glow, literally, right there in his face and when she extends her hands for him to hold, or just grabs his hands, he know his night is made, if only he squeezes that soft one willingly dropped into his larger one. And gone are the days of cajoling her to have sex or doing it anyways, whether she wanted to or not, which often left him feeling bad.

Before husbands start to think women hate sex, far from it. Sex is good for the soul. Sex is good for couples, good as a stress relief. No mistake, it’s a good thing.

But it’s not the only option for physical affection. No, it’s not. Even though, sex is an expected part of every marriage, sometimes your wife will just want to cuddle and kiss with no strings attached. Husbands, it’s important that you know that not every kiss is, or should be considered as, pre-intimacy to getting laid.

Sometimes, your wife just wants to have what’s been referred to as “non-goal oriented touching.” Touching for just touching sake, so please, get the knowing glow out of your eyes, because you just read this particular kiss wrong.

For your information, women need certain amount of touches every single day and there’s a simplicity to just kissing for the sake of kissing or cuddling for the sake of cuddling, that sex doesn’t fill. Did you know you can have sex without kissing? Well, yes and you can guess the outcome of that.

Again sex is good but it has its place and days.

I kid you not, when I say those moments of physical affection make your wife feel all warm and fuzzy inside, in a way that sex doesn’t always match.

Personally, I believe relationships need both sexy time and non-sexy time. A tender touch can make someone feel loved and secure. A long hug can let someone know they are cared about.

And a couple who flirts and makes out in the kitchen while making dinner, much to the chagrin of their teenagers, who tell them to “get a room” can teach their kids what it looks like when two people are still deeply and madly in love so many years after saying their vows. What a great example that is.

Since I have established the fact that a kiss goes a long way in your relationship, then it’s important to point out the fact that a kiss on the mouth is not the only way to go about it. Here some other interesting places you can kiss or just touch and it sends a powerful message to her.

The small of her back

This is where all the nerves for the genitals originate, so stimulation of the lower back with massage and kissing and nibbling is a great way to stimulate the area.

It is also the reason most women love it when their partner places his hand on the small of their back in public; it’s an intimate, sexy gesture that makes a woman feel hot without it seeming out of the ordinary.

http://livelystones.com.ng/dear-husbands-sometimes-wife-needs/

Please help me,I am about to loose the one person I love so much in this world.

Henry,my ex is a bad guy,very bad guy. I dated him from university up to two years ago. He and I were together for five years. I loved him but he was a bad guy. A hood boy really. He liked the rough life and all. But I knew that was not the future I wanted for him. being with him was fun but I am getting older,I need a man who would be a good husband and father. Not a weed smoking,gun wielding man who I would be very fearful to spend the rest of my days with.

Henry and I broke up two years ago and since then,I moved on. I began to date Sunny,about 18 months ago and he proposed to me last September. Our wedding is in April this year. Sunny is a Medical Doctor. His family owns several state of the art hospitals in the state. Sunny’s family is well to do. His father was the former commissioner of health of the state for several years. I wouldnt want anything to bring a scandal to them.

Henry,having heard that I was getting married to someone from such a family decided to

http://livelystones.com.ng/helpmy-ex-is-threatening-to-send-my-nudes-to-my-father-in-law/

Sexual talk is almost taboo in most Nigerian households, and most especially for women. Many of us didn’t get the ‘bird and the bees’ talk beyond being bought a sanitary pad when our periods started and being told to stay away from boys. When one comes from a Christian home, with a reserved mother, the issues are compounded.

Whether male or female, deciding to remain a virgin till your marriage is a good thing for many reasons, including Christian morals. However, things really go south when some prudes use the bible to instil fear and revulsion for sex within their young charges, usually female. And this must stop!

Bride of one year, Lola Akindele Busari made a vow to herself and God to reserve sex for marriage, but her experience of overcoming her fear of sex almost made her honeymoon a disaster.

She is now calling for churches to institute real sex education for young women and would-be brides – a platform for open and honest talk that recognises sex as natural, beautiful, and a pleasurable part of marriage.

She shared her story with BN, and the relevant parts are excerpted below.

Losing my Virginity

Now, it’s interesting that I can joke about intimacy. right now – because a year ago, when we got married, to be quite frank…I was in tears when I fully realised how painful it actually was to lose my virginity. It was not a laughing matter at the time AT ALL! And I don’t mean painful in the sense that I felt I was losing a piece of myself… far from it!

And it wasn’t even the fact that it just physically REALLY hurt! The thing that ‘pained me’ the most was the fact that I was with the love of my life, we had just had the most beautiful wedding with all our friends and loved ones, dancing away and popping (non alcoholic) sparkling wine… and when it was time to now Pop The Cherry…I was too afraid! I felt as though I was not fulfilling my first wifely task.

We had stayed at the spa hotel in which we got married for a couple of days before we flew off to the Dominican Republic (and not Barbados – private joke) for the honeymoon…and I felt so distraught that I was letting my husband down. On the night of the wedding, I was full of mixed emotions. I had finally gotten married! It was all I had ever dreamed about.

I had been planning the big day since forever… It was so lovely and beautiful and my husband is the best thing that’s happened to me apart from Jesus…he waited for me and respected and adopted my views on having no premarital sex from the beginning – so WHY was it so difficult to Just Do It? ‘Nike’ lied! I wanted to…but just couldn’t.

Vaseline at the Wedding

I was very fortunate to have two married woman in my close circle of friends who gave me a lot of very useful advice, one of them even slipped me a small container of Vaseline whilst I was on the dance floor in my wedding dress, telling me I would need it for later that night. I was laughing at the time when she gave it to me. I was soon to find out (as mentioned earlier) that it was not a laughing matter at all! I was so lucky, as my wonderful husband is just the best because he was so patient and gentle.

The key is to relax they say…well…according to numerous “How To…” tips on Google that is. I tried to…but I just kept hearing this voice saying…”You’re letting him down…You’re letting him down…He waited for you all these years and now that it’s time to do it you can’t!” It was horrible knowing that it felt like I could not go through with it.

The pain, the anxiety, the fear of him being disappointed in me…there was no way I could relax! On top of that, I had heard a story about a young couple who had just recently gotten married and who had requested for an annulment of the marriage because of this very same situation. The wife felt as though she couldn’t go through with losing her virginity, no matter what they tried.

What the Church Says & Reality

At church, the message from the pulpit is always ‘save yourself for marriage’ – which is good…and it’s what I did. However, The Church seems to be producing batches of women who yes, may come to their married bed as virgins …but they are more or less left to their own devices after that.

Old wives tales, advise from mothers and jokes about it from friends aren’t really enough to fully prepare you for what to expect. I guess everyone’s different and everyone’s first time will most certainly be different – but The Church should also have in place a platform (or a session included within their premarital counselling) whereby they’re not afraid to touch on the subject of the Wedding Night and how it’s different when marrying a virgin.

It would be good to have some sort of dialogue in place between the future spouses regarding the importance of being gentle and patient or even perhaps certain positions that will help make it easier, such as propping a pillow under your pelvis (for the woman), which helps make your fist time go a lot more smoothly. (A technique I learnt from Google whilst on my honeymoon. For the first couple of days I would be like: Hold on! Let me quickly get the pillow first! Lol!) Thus couples can discuss these different methods beforehand, which should help better prepare them for their wedding night.

However the most beautiful part of it all was remembering that God does not give us more than we can bear. He had blessed me with such a wonderful and caring husband and my hubby was so sweet and just kept telling me “It’s ok, don’t worry about anything… it will happen.”

There’s no way I could imagine going through that process with someone who didn’t love me or who was just using me, as some women and even some teenage girls have to go through.

I asked the Holy Spirit to open up everything that needed to be opened in order to make this happen and to give me the ability to stop over thinking everything and to just relax.

To make light of the situation, my husband so lovingly reminded me that the children that we’re looking forward to having one day, are going to have to come through this avenue. We laughed… and laughed some more.

It was good to be with someone who was so calm about the whole thing and that also helped to make everything easier. Something that is supposed to be a natural process of life, something that I hadn’t experienced in all of my 26 years, but was now ready to experience… was NOT going to be turned into something that would now try and steal my joy. Oh no honey! When I prayed, I prayed for Wisdom – wisdom for how to best deal with the situation and for the strength to bear the pain and to overcome it so that I could please my husband and so that we could both enjoy something that God himself had created for us to enjoy in marriage.

NOTES;

Not all first times hurt for every woman. Some women do NOT experience any pain when they have sex for the very first time.
Vaseline is not the best lubricant for a woman. Only use petroleum jelly when you have no other option as it may affect the health of your vagina. If possible walk into your nearest pharmacy and ask for a sex lubricant. KY Jelly is usually the cheapest and most widely available brand. Some condom brands also have various options available.
Putting a pillow under your hips really does work, or you can learn to tilt your waist so you’re not horizontal on the bed. Also learn to move your waist to match your partner’s movements. That helps things along, and gives you more pleasure too.
You may not orgasm during your first sex or even for every sex after that, and you many never orgasm from penetrative sex, However, I think most women can orgasm if they and their partners want to. MouthAction and manual stimulation [fingering] are options as they provide the closest contact to most women’s most erogenous zone, your clitoris. And women, feel free to touch yourself, I mean your vagina, to find out what works for you.

http://livelystones.com.ng/wedding-night-s-x-as-a-virginbride-shares-her-experience/

Good day Admin,

Women are the mostly the cause of the problems they have with their husbands. I say this because I have experienced it by myself.

We live in a yard with an Ibo man and his wife. These people are always fighting and quarreling. When they start,my wife and I because we are from Delta,we use to go and settle them. Sometimes the man will beat his wife so much that the woman will come to our apartment and stay until they cool down. We are close to them so the husband is aware that the woman is in our house.

The man is hot tempered. He says the woman is a talkative. And he accuse her of flirting too.The woman is a young woman of like 23. He is like 37 or so.The age gap is much so I used to think that is why the woman is immature to be talking to her husband anyhow and the man is suspecting the wife. She is also very beautiful. My wife used to counsel this young woman alot. They used to see us as their uncle and aunty.

But recently,exactly one week ago,this young woman came to our house crying that the husband just beat her again. My wife left her in our house and went out. So when I came in,I met this young woman. I asked what happened and she told me her husband beat her. I just told her,ok,relax here until your husband is calm. I went to our room and removed my clothes and went inside to have my bath. As I was baffing,the next thing I felt somebody touching me,my manhood. I was surprised and so I wash the soap from my eye only to see ...

http://livelystones.com.ng/why-i-think-women-are-the-cause-of-their-marital-troubles/

Dear Admin,

My wedding is less than a week away but I am far from being very happy at all.

I made a serious mistake and I am getting married to someone I do not love to pay for that mistake.

I met Dupe through one of my friends in a church that I attend. The church is a large one and I was encouraged to register with one of the youth arms of the church. I joined this group where young workers meet once in a month. It was during one of the monthly meetings I met Dupe. I noticed she was overly an extrovert and it was very easy to spot her in the group. After the meeting,she came to introduce herself and wanted to be friends. That I didn't mind.

There were other ladies in the group other than Dupe. I was friendly with some too. This was made possible as there was also a whatsapp group that was used to keep in touch with everyone.

Dupe started liking me. She actually flirted with me. I found it interesting. Less than a month we met,she told me she was attracted to me. I told her I wasnt. Besides,I was not ready for any relationship. I was sharing an apartment with friends. I wanted to achieve a few more milestones in my life before getting married.She said its ok for us to be friends. I didnt mind that. She would send me suggestive text messages and she started to visit me. She flirted with the guys and before long,the guys told me they had slept with her. I was surprised.

It was that information that made me yield to Dupe’s advances. Seeing that she was giving out her goods freely,I didnt mind to partake in it. Thats how I entered into a sexual relationship with Dupe. As far as I was concerned,I was just having fun as long as she was giving it. And I was not the only beneficiary. But that fun was short lived!

Several months passed by ,Dupe came to me to me and to my greatest surprise , she was ....

http://livelystones.com.ng/why-do-i-have-to-get-married-just-to-make-things-right/

My name is Sandy. I am 32 years old. I been in and out of relationships and none of them actually worked out . The last one where I was with this guy for almost two years ended when I found out the guy was dating me and engaged to another girl. The relationship ended just before the close of last year. I was very heartbroken and bitter. I made up my mind to stay off dating for at least six months.

This year, a young man was recently transferred to the Marketing department of my company. I am in HR. His name is Andrew. He is very handsome and dresses very well. We got talking and everything is cool. Just before valentine,he asked me what my plans for val was. I told him no plans cos I was not dating. On valentine's day,he asked me out. I asked him what about his wife. He said,he is not married. I then asked about his wedding ring on his finger. He replied that its a long so. He said he would tell me about it on the date. So I agreed.

http://livelystones.com.ng/i-am-head-over-heels-in-love-with-an-almost-divorced-man/

Run away ohhh

liquidlove2018:
Disclaimer : These are stories we receive on daily basis from people asking us to publish on the blogs and other platform. If to you think its false ,its better you move ahead and not comment. We only amplify people stories ,we don t originate them.

Good day Admin,

Recently a friend told me about LS, he has that motivated me to send my story.
I completed my youth service and had to relocate to Lagos for in search of a good job and a better life.I had to put up with an uncle of mine. The process of job search was not easy. I was also very bored as I was at home most of the time waiting and hoping for a job offer. Sometimes,I would take a stroll around my area just to kill boredom.. One day,I stopped to buy something by one of the aboki’s shop around. There,I met this small very, very attractive gal. Before now, I have been noticing her in my area, our eyes have clicked a few times,she would smile at me and I would smile back sometimes. In my mind,shes just a little girl of no more than 15 or 16. So when we eventually met at the malam’s shop,she said hi…and I responded. That was when I noticed how pretty she is. My mind skipped and I told myself,she is dam too young. I paid for the pack of noodles she came to buy and left her after she said thanks.
Later that evening,Joan came to my place to see me. I was shocked. She asked me if I had a girlfriend,I said no. She asked me if she could be my girlfriend. I asked her how old are you. 16,she replied. I told her she was too young. She said,no that she was not too young and that she promise to make me happy more than any girl could. She kept visiting until one day,she was in my arms and we were kissing.
Much as I didnt want to,this 16 year old girl,who is very pretty by the way was very good at kissing and other adult play. It took all my strength not to go beyond kissing. But not for too long. After a long struggle saying no to her,I eventually agreed and had s.x with her. I found out she was a virgin,I wanted to stop but she wouldnt let me. She said I was the one to take her virginity. I was remorseful after this and wanted to stop but she kept telling me that since I had disvirgined her,I had to marry her. First,she is a minor whom I cannot marry. Secondly,she was still in secondary school. I cannot wait for her to finish school neither will I marry her at this age.
Joan didnt want to hear that I was leaving her. She threatened to harm herself if I left her. I thought she was unserious but she came to my place and asked to talk with me. I allowed her in. After coming up with the I must marry you talk,I said no,she ran to the kitchen,grabbed a knife and began to stab herself on her wrist. In shock,I tried to wrestle the knife from her but she had quite a grip. I got the knife off but not without some serious damage. There was blood everywhere. I panicked. I didnt know what to do. Here she was,fainting.
I eventually got a hold of myself,took a towel,wrapped around the wrist and carried her to the clinic down our street. At the clinic,the nurse asked what happened and I said she cut herself trying while she was cooking. Of course,they didnt ...

http://livelystones.com.ng/i-made-a-terrible-mistake-with-hernow-she-is-suicidal/

I think this little girl was exposed too early.
Look for a way to exit the country .

liquidlove2018:
Disclaimer : These are stories we receive on daily basis from people asking us to publish on the blogs and other platform. If to you think its false ,its better you move ahead and not comment. We only amplify people stories ,we don t originate them.

Good day Admin,

Recently a friend told me about LS, he has that motivated me to send my story.
I completed my youth service and had to relocate to Lagos for in search of a good job and a better life.I had to put up with an uncle of mine. The process of job search was not easy. I was also very bored as I was at home most of the time waiting and hoping for a job offer. Sometimes,I would take a stroll around my area just to kill boredom.. One day,I stopped to buy something by one of the aboki’s shop around. There,I met this small very, very attractive gal. Before now, I have been noticing her in my area, our eyes have clicked a few times,she would smile at me and I would smile back sometimes. In my mind,shes just a little girl of no more than 15 or 16. So when we eventually met at the malam’s shop,she said hi…and I responded. That was when I noticed how pretty she is. My mind skipped and I told myself,she is dam too young. I paid for the pack of noodles she came to buy and left her after she said thanks.
Later that evening,Joan came to my place to see me. I was shocked. She asked me if I had a girlfriend,I said no. She asked me if she could be my girlfriend. I asked her how old are you. 16,she replied. I told her she was too young. She said,no that she was not too young and that she promise to make me happy more than any girl could. She kept visiting until one day,she was in my arms and we were kissing.
Much as I didnt want to,this 16 year old girl,who is very pretty by the way was very good at kissing and other adult play. It took all my strength not to go beyond kissing. But not for too long. After a long struggle saying no to her,I eventually agreed and had s.x with her. I found out she was a virgin,I wanted to stop but she wouldnt let me. She said I was the one to take her virginity. I was remorseful after this and wanted to stop but she kept telling me that since I had disvirgined her,I had to marry her. First,she is a minor whom I cannot marry. Secondly,she was still in secondary school. I cannot wait for her to finish school neither will I marry her at this age.
Joan didnt want to hear that I was leaving her. She threatened to harm herself if I left her. I thought she was unserious but she came to my place and asked to talk with me. I allowed her in. After coming up with the I must marry you talk,I said no,she ran to the kitchen,grabbed a knife and began to stab herself on her wrist. In shock,I tried to wrestle the knife from her but she had quite a grip. I got the knife off but not without some serious damage. There was blood everywhere. I panicked. I didnt know what to do. Here she was,fainting.
I eventually got a hold of myself,took a towel,wrapped around the wrist and carried her to the clinic down our street. At the clinic,the nurse asked what happened and I said she cut herself trying while she was cooking. Of course,they didnt ...

http://livelystones.com.ng/i-made-a-terrible-mistake-with-hernow-she-is-suicidal/

Ppl are going through a lot.

liquidlove2018:
If you dont believe in God ,how will you get solution ?

I won't advice you donate your sperm to her. If at all,you want to do it, let your wife know.

liquidlove2018:
Hello Everyone,

Miran and I have been friends since childhood days. We both went to the same primary and secondary school. We were also neighbors until my parents relocated to Ibadan. So naturally,I see her like my sister. Though we kept in touch but I didnt really see Miran or her family during university days. She got admission into Unjos,I went to UI.

I heard Miran got married a few years ago. I was not able to make the wedding but I was happy for her anyway. Myself,I am also married and doing well here in Lagos. So it was a joy to meet Miran at one of our childhood friends wedding in Surulere last year. We caught up on alot of things that happened over the years and exchanged phone numbers. We kept in touch on whatsapp and talked about everything from family to career to love life.

During our chats,I realized that Miran didnt like talking about her hubby. she has been married for six years and yet to have a child. I tried to respect her privacy by not asking her but I didnt hear from her for like two months last year so I kept calling. She wouldn’t respond and i was a bit concerned. I reached out to her sister who told me that Miran was recovering from injuries from an accident.I was shocked. I asked what kind of accident and was told that Miran’s husband beat her with a car jack. She almost died. I mean,I was listening and immediately raged filled me. I told Suzanne(Miran’s sister) to get Miran to see me unfailingly or I would get the police involved.

Miran called me a day later and met me at a restaurant . She poured her heart out. She was in an abusive marriage. Her husband would beat her and curse her for her inability to have a child. She tried to leave him a few times but the man would come begging and promising not to do that anymore. I told Miran to leave the man for a while so she can sort out this domestic violence thing but she said she can handle it. I tried everything to convince her but she wouldnt listen. She warned me to let her live the life she chose.

About a month later,Miran called me crying,she asked me to come get her. She was in a bus top. Apparently,she and her husband fought and she left the house in anger and fear of being beaten. I picked her up and we went to my house. My wife and kids stay in the US so I was thankful no one was around to see Miran in the state she was in. My younger brother stays with me but he was not around when Miran came around. We talked and this time I told Miran I was going to take action bit she said she wanted ...

http://livelystones.com.ng/when-a-friend-needs-your-help-to-have-a-child-to-save-her-marriage/

Dear Admin,

I met Peter about eight months ago. He is a contractor to my company. He and I started dating after he took my number the day he saw me in our dopemu office. I told him I am a christian,born again. He too say he is born again.

So I told him right from beginning,that I dont want sex before marriage and he agreed. We dated for five months and he proposed to me. Since our engagement,he started asking for more than the usual kiss. He will say,since we are engaged,I am now his wife. That we can have sex now. But I told him no that,engagement is not marriage. But he continue to persist,saying he wants to know if both of us are sexually compatible. I then told him to hurry and marry me then.

We had our introduction ceremony in the sixth month and he began to even demand for sex more and more. We quarreled one day and he said the relationship is over if I cannot allow him. He said he has proved to me that he is serious by carrying out the introduction. That if I am not ready,we should break up. We didnt speak for three days. I had to go and beg him and allowed him eventually to have sex with me. After that day,I didnt hear from him again. I tried his line but he refused to pick my calls. Later,he sent me a text saying after having sex with me,he realise that both of us are not compatible. That was his fear that I cannot please him sexually if I dont like sex the way he does.

I thought he was joking. I couldnt believe my eyes after reading the text. I rain curses on him. Later,I began to beg him. Telling him that I will change and do anything . That will make sure he gets the best sex if he marries me.I was too shamed,he has done introduction. I thought I was too hash on him,now I have driven him away. I beg him for days but he refused. Said I should stop contacting him. I went to see his elder sister to help me beg him but she said that I should not worry that she will try her best.

One month passed,I didnt hear from the elder sister or even Peter. I was so sad . But I now told my family that the engagement is over. Everyone sympathize with me and asked me to move on that God will bring my own husband one day.

Two weeks later,I didnt......

http://livelystones.com.ng/i-regret-giving-into-the-pressure-just-to-convince-a-man-to-marry-me/

Good evening ma,

I dont know if I am over reacting but let me tell you what is going on first. And please ,feel free to tell me if you think I am over reacting. My wife is giving me serious problems because of her insecurities. Abigail is on the plum side. I think she didnt even belief I was going to actually marry her. When I proposed to her,she asked me why her,of all the slim girls around. Well,for me as a man,I really didnt find anyone who I thought was a wife material like Abigail. Abigail is a good cook. A good home maker. She takes care of the house,everywhere is always clean and tidy. She knows how to pray and she is also trying in the other room department.

My only problem with her is that since we got married,she is always feeling insecure with her weight. And once she sees any lady around me,she begins to get jealous. Initially,i told her to relax that I married her not the girls she is afraid of. But this woman cat stop. It got to point,she would start invading my space on social media. She practically told every facebook friend that is female that I am married and therefore stay away. Some people were embarrassed by her actions. Even me,I was embarrassed.

She has gotten to a point where anytime a lady calls me,she wants to know who the person is,why are they calling,dont they know you are married. I tried talking to her to boost her confidence. I also tried to encourage her to loose some weight if thats her issue cos me I dont mind the weight. But she only went to the gym three times and said she couldnt continue.

Anytime we have a misunderstanding,she always cries and says its because I dont like her because she is heavy. That she knows I will leave her one day. Again,I ignored her but she has continued. And I am beginning to think that one day I might leave her if she continues like this. I mean,I admit she is not that attractive but I didnt marry her because of her looks. I wanted someone to keep my home in peace. My job makes me meet alot of ladies,I work in an advertising firm. So I work with alot of ladies that are models. But Ii dont mess around wth the models even though some want to sleep with you just to get a job.

My wife was so sick when she was pregnant with our child. She had diabetes cos of her weight. Also high blood pressure. So I suggested she...


http://livelystones.com.ng/my-wifes-insecurities-will-soon-destroy-our-marriage/