₦airaland Forum

What People Do In The Name Of God
By Chidi Nkwopara, Owerri, Laju Arenyeka, Osa Amadi / vanguardngr.com

Stella Nnedum craved for all good things including good health for her fiance, Michael (surname withheld). She wanted him to know that she cared for him. She also didn’t want anything to stand in their way to the altar and so she worked to make him strong and unwavering. But she feared that if Michael adhered to the advice of some people around him he could change his mind about their marriage. And one way to get things done was to lure him to a seer, a prophetess of some sort who would guide them and probably make sure he ignored all distractions that could threaten their planned marriage.

Michael did not believe in seers. He did not even believe in witchcraft, fetish or any voodoo phenomenon. It was difficult to convince him to follow her to a seer. But like it was in the beginning of time with Adam and Eve, Stella succeeded in luring Michael to the seer in Olodi Apapa Area of Lagos.

“Some people would be against their marriage and they would work for it not to happen,” the seer told them, warning that something bad could happen to them if they did not start praying immediately as some people were already after them. The seer also told them that only prayers could see them surmount the forces against their marriage. She even said that they were not meant for each other but prayers could change everything “as there’s nothing God cannot do”.

As for the back pain that Michael was having at the time, the seer told them that it was the handiwork of his people from the village and that he needed to come regularly for prayers to be healed. Michael and Stella left and promised to return for prayers. Did the seer succeed in creating fears into this couple so that they could always visit and sow seed during prayers? If Stella fell for it, Michael did not.

When they got home, Michael bared his mind to Stella: “I did not give any background to the seer on my back pain and she goofed big time. My back pain is as a result of an old sports injury that comes and goes from time to time. And here was somebody telling me that my people in the village were sending pains to me? And all the story about the forces against the marriage is for us to be coming regularly for prayers after which one must make offertory. This is how these people operate. They live by creating fear into people, prophesying falsely and ripping victims off.”

Michael never went back there. He was strong-willed not to fall to these so called seers who do many things in the name of God . Although he had problems with Stella after marriage he strongly believed their problem was more attitudinal than spiritual. They have all moved on.

Many Nigerians are not as strong-willed as Michael. And that may be the reason they easily fall prey to money-hungry prophets and prophetesses in the country. Many Nigerians do terrible things in the name of God. They thrive largely because people are gullible especially when it comes to religion.

Only a few months ago, a man wearing a vest that identifies members of a church in Lagos stormed out of Vanguard office in Apapa, Lagos, swearing against a man he called his uncle. A seer in the church had told him that his uncle, a lawmaker in the National Assembly in Abuja, was blocking his progress spiritually. He was in Vanguard wanting his story to be published. He had been so brainwashed that he appeared to be out of his mind.. He claimed that his uncle always turned into a bird and trailed him wherever he went. He was guided out of Vanguard office. Outside, as he sighted a bird perched on a tree, he screamed, pointing at the bird and claiming that his uncle was prowling after him again.

In Benin, Tina and Eyimofe were happily married until a pastor told Eyimofe that he would have been richer but for his mother in-law who through witchcraft has denied him not only riches but also the fruit of the womb, claiming that the mother of his wife was not happy at her daughter for not taking care of her. This sort of story is common in Nigeria. In market places, in offices and even in political gatherings, enmity creeps into relationships following warnings and revelations from false prophets. In all, the victims are miracle seekers.

EnlightenedSoul:
It's definitely weird, yes. But I don't suppose hating the opposite sex due to bad past experiences is enough to completely stunt their biological drive and social motive; that is, their human desire for sex and companionship etc.

I agree with you that humans generally desire s-x, companionship, etc.

However, when you hear women say "Men ain't nothin' but dogs!" and men say "Women ain't nothin' but bit-hes!", or some version of these declarations, such people will treat the objects of their hate like poo one day, then next day they want to do the horizontal mambo.

Why? Sometimes, it's due to past bad experiences at the hands of wicked parents and wicked exes. Other times it may be due to some type of mental illness. Some emotionally unhealthy people have a tendency to brush every man or woman they meet with the same brush. These are the 'Walking Wounded'. They don't give the new person in their lives a fair chance - they just automatically label them negatively - which most times drives that new person right out the door - they don't have the patience to deal with the emotional baggage such people carry around from one failed relationship to another.

Rarely, if ever, will you see emotionally healthy people treat opposite gender shabbily, call them every nasty name in the book or, accuse them of the basest behaviors known to man.

*It would seem that "Code and Conducts" don't only apply to side chicks.

How To Have An Affair And Not Get Caught

by 'Married But Living Single'

I am a late 30's married, educated, professional , handsome male and I have had numerous affairs. Right or wrong, it is what it is. The following is a list of must-do's if you plan on having an affair and not getting caught.

All of the following are based on firsthand lessons learned:

1. Date/sleep with only people who are also married. Single men/women are nothing but trouble. While the logistics may be easier, they are never satisfied with the amount of time you can spend with them, they become jealous of your significant other, and they have nothing to lose and generally do not care much about getting caught. And, unless they are perfectly willing to date you despite the fact you are married, it involves creating elaborate lies about being separated and all that nonsense. That's not to mention the fact that once your single lover finds out you're lying, they usually go straight to your spouse to "get even". Other married people offer protection in that they also generally do not wish to be found out. Not to mention the fact that there is a reasonable expectation amongst the two of you that responsibilities may make either of you unavailable. Cancellations are not held against you like they are with single people.

2. Never use your own home or the other person's home for your activities. While it may be more expensive, there is zero chance of your significant other walking in on you if you are in a hotel with the door locked. No surprise returns at the last minute to worry about. Additionally, having your lover in your home inevitably means there is evidence left behind - the scent of them in your bed, a hair that is a different color than your spouse's, a forgotten item of clothing.

3. When arranging for a hotel, never use your credit card to reserve it. Hotels will often tell you "the card is only used to hold the room, no charges will be made." Inevitably, some retard at the hotel runs the card mistakenly, or they use it after you have stayed there to cover anything you didn't settle up on (parking, a phone call, whatever). Once your significant other sees a hotel charge on the card, the gig is up. Instead, slowly withdraw cash over the course of weeks (so as not to draw attention) and keep it in a secret place to pay for your rooms in cash. Reserve the room using a pre-paid debit card or go to the hotel in person to make the reservation and pre-pay it with your cash. If you are having a regular get-together with your lover, try to use the same place over and over. Develop a relationship with the staff. Hotels will only let you check in after 3pm. Most early check-ins are at 1pm. If you are meeting during the day and need it earlier than that, call ahead and tell them you are travelling and need a room to participate in a conference call or to prepare for an event that takes place early in the day.

4. Become more adaptable when it comes to traditional female-male roles. Don't be afraid to split the costs of outings, hotels, meals. It's easier for each of you to explain a $25 lunch than it is for one of you to explain the $50 lunch. Paying for the $140 hotel room is easier to hide if you each pay half. While women may expect men to cover most things, and men may feel a sense of responsibility to do so, your chances of being discovered decrease if you remain flexible.

5. Adapt the Osama Bin Laden communication methodology. That is, absolutely no texting or phone calls on your cell. Instead, create an anonymous yahoo or gmail account and access it ONLY when you are at work. Never email from home, it's just not worth it. There are too many keystroke programs out there that record what you have typed that can easily be installed without your knowledge.

6. Delete, delete, delete. This means everything. Delete all emails from your lover, even if they have photos you want to keep. Delete all your sent emails. Delete your deleted emails. Delete the history each and every time you use the computer. I learned this the hard way when one of my lovers saved her favorite saucy emails despite telling me she was deleting and her significant other busted her with a keystroke program and got into her email account by finding her password (yes, she used her home computer).

7. Always pay in cash for everything that you do together. Dinners, lunches, outings, EVERYTHING. It's not very hard to figure out that the lunch you claim to have had by yourself in town should not have cost $75 when it shows up on your credit card.

8. Adapt a policy of working out, dressing well, and wearing cologne/perfume every day. Nothing stands out to your significant other like a sudden need to change your appearance and/or the way you present yourself. It's called "change detection". Like a cop who patrols the same beat every day and expects the area to look a certain way, he will quickly notice any change. If you are a slob most every day of the week, and all of the sudden you are going "to lunch with an old friend" and you are dressed to the nines and smelling great, your significant other will get suspicious. If you gradually start to make yourself presentable EVERY day, they won't think there is anything amiss.

9. Don't save momentos or tokens that remind you of your lover. No panties, no t-shirts, no jewelry, NOTHING. If you don't have anything to be discovered, you never have anything to explain.

10. Always shower after meeting with your lover. This is obvious. While it may not be obvious to you, the scent of another woman/man is a dead giveaway and very noticeable to your significant other. This is especially true with women. They can detect even the perfume of another woman that you did nothing more than embrace for a prolonged period of time. If you have a shower at your workplace, use it after meeting. If you meet at a hotel, always take one before going back to work or home.

DISCLAIMER: Ashley Madison is the online personals & dating destination for casual encounters, married dating, discreet encounters and extramarital affairs. Ashley Madison does not encourage anyone to stray. In fact, if you are having difficulty with your relationship, you should seek counseling. However, if you still feel that you will seek a person other than your partner to fill your unmet needs, then we truly believe that our service is the best place to start. At Ashley Madison, you can communicate with other like-minded adults who may be more sympathetic to your circumstances. You never compromise your safety, privacy or security and will never have to reveal your identity unless you choose to. You can go at your own pace and change your mind any time you wish.

Source: ashleymadison.com / Spam Mail Advert

10 Signs Your Wife May Want A Divorce

Unfortunately, more and more husbands are facing divorce. Today, there are more men than ever wondering whether their wives are planning on leaving, or if their marriage is standing on its last leg. Here are 10 of the most common signs your wife may have divorce on her mind.

Sign #1: She’s Spending More Time Away from Home. One of the most obvious signs that your wife be unhappy in your marriage and/or contemplating divorce is her spending substantially more time outside of the house. Whether she says she wants to clear her head, get some alone time, or just be away from you, she’ll start finding excuses to get out of the house. Many women sick of being married will deliberately do everything they can just to be out of the house.

Sign #2: Big Changes in Your S-x Life. Women are deeply emotional beings; there is a very strong connection between her libido and her emotional state. If you’ve noticed a steep decline in your s-x life, your wife is probably feeling an equally steep decline in her feelings for you and the marriage. Stay alert.

Sign #3: She’s Never Interested in Intimacy. Intimacy and s-x are not the same thing. In other words, intimacy is a measure of that deep emotional connection that a husband is supposed to have with his wife in a healthy married relationship. Has your wife stopped sharing her innermost thoughts, feelings and fears with you? Has she stopped telling you and/or showing you she loves you? Would you describe your marriage as intimate? Or, do you think that your intimacy with your wife has started to break away?

Sign #4: She’s Become Very Critical of You. If your wife has divorce on her mind, she may begin justifying it to herself by constantly degrading you. Generally, the more she’s thought about divorce, the more and more bitter she’ll become. One way this is often carried out is that she’ll brush anything good you do for her under the rug, and instead focus on some way you’ve made her life worse. Here’s why your wife is being so hateful: Her frustration with the marriage has built up to a boiling point. She knows that it will be easier to distance herself and confront you about the divorce if she’s mean to you first. In other words, attacking you is her way of taking control.

Sign #5: She’s Always Cold & Distant. Is it a huge struggle to engage your wife in conversation? Does it seem like she’s become nothing more than an empty shell? Has her trademark phrase become “I don’t care”? If your wife seems emotionally empty and refuses to make any effort towards you or your marriage, that’s a good sign she may want a divorce. Or if she doesn’t want it yet, she will soon. Unsurprisingly, it’s tough to save your marriage when the only thing you have to talk to is a brick wall.

Sign #6: She’s Always on Her Computer or iPad. If your wife has been spending a ton of time on the computer lately, it could be because of a number of reasons - some very innocent. But the most common reasons some blind-sided husbands have found are: she's started an online or offline affair, she's learning about divorce, she's reconnected with an old flame or she's tuning out of the marriage. Keep alert. Listen to your instincts.

Sign #7: Fighting Just for the Sake of Fighting. This divorce sign can usually be felt with your base intuition. If we’re honest, fighting constantly can make the best of us dream of a single life, even if we know we’d never actually want it. Maybe frequent fighting doesn’t make you want divorce, but it does make you wonder what your wife’s thinking.

It can be difficult to keep a clear head in the heat of an argument, so reflect on these questions:

1. Can you identify a common theme in your fighting? Anything that seems like a common cause or trigger?

2. Is your wife aggressive or passive aggressive when she fights with you? If she’s aggressive, that means she’s openly attacking you, nagging at you and degrading you. If she’s passive aggressive, that means she’s subtly pushing your buttons, making backhanded remarks, and “putting you into a corner” that make you feel like you have to confront her.

3. How do the fights usually end? Does one of you leave the house? Does it end with tears or reconciliation? Does it end in the bedroom?

4. Is there any time of day or week that your wife seems “ready to fight”?

Perhaps the greatest indicator is: Do your fights with your wife ever go anywhere? What do you think? Does your gut tell you that your wife is fighting for the sake of fighting?

Sign #8: She’s Given Up. Maybe you and your wife have been on the rocks for a while now, but you’ve been working on things and your marital problems have been getting better. At least, you think so. Then your wife gives up. Maybe she’s stopped going to your counseling sessions with you. Maybe she’s no longer interested in going out with you, or maybe even in talking to you period (like in Sign #5). If your wife has given up on your marriage, it’s usually obvious once you take half a second to think about it. In fact, most women will make a point of letting you know that she actively doesn’t care about you or your relationship. Does this describe your wife?

Sign #9: She Says Nothing’s Wrong, But There’s Something She’s Not Saying. If you’ve known your wife for any time at all, you can probably tell when she’s lying. If not, you can at least tell how genuine her answer is. If you ask her what’s wrong and her answer is “Nothing,” listen to your spider sense. Is there something going on that she’s not telling you? Trust your gut. A lot of men lose confidence when their marriage gets to this state, but don’t ever discredit your own intuition.

Sign #10: There Was a Big Change in Your Marriage Recently. Sometimes people react badly to change. That’s just a fact of life. If your marriage has gone through a significant change recently like job loss, new baby, moved to a new location, she got a promotion or new job, these changes could be the catalyst for making your wife think about life without you, which may also explain her change of heart toward you.
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If you recognize these signs, it’s up to you and your wife to determine if you want to rekindle the love between you or walk away forever.

Open, honest communication is key. This is not the time to keep silent, hoping things will blow over.

Source articles by Jacob Elichmann @ husbandhelphaven.com

He was supposed to be by your side 'til death parted the two of you, but lately you wonder if you are spotting signs your husband wants a divorce. Sometimes signs are merely red flags that there are serious issues that need to be addressed, and sometimes they indicate that your husband is ready to leave you. If you recognize the following signs your husband wants a divorce, it's time to have a long heartfelt talk with him to sort things out.

1. Ignoring Problems. The two of you may be fighting a lot lately or perhaps avoiding conflict altogether. One of the warning signs your husband wants a divorce is when he isn't interested in discussing issues that are affecting your marriage. If he’s given up on the relationship, he may feel it's pointless to argue with you. He isn't interested in solving marital problems because he is doesn't see himself in the relationship much longer.

2. He is Always Busy. Your husband is constantly busy with new activities or he spends extra hours at work. He avoids being home as much as possible to evade any interaction with you. If he doesn't think the relationship is fun and enjoyable anymore, he’s going to spend all his time with other people and not invite you. Most of the time you have no idea what he is up to.

3. Changing His Physical Appearance. He is trying to enhance his physical appearance in preparation for his new single life. Since he sees himself going back on the market, he figures he better start looking good. You might see dramatic changes in hairstyle, hair color and wardrobe. He might also head to the gym to get in shape.

4. He's Lost Those Loving Feelings. Think back to happier times in your marriage. You felt loved and secure in your marriage because of your husband’s words and actions. When your husband is thinking of divorce, you will feel the complete opposite of that. You may feel like your husband doesn't even like you anymore, much less love you. Your husband feels cold and distant instead of the loving partner he once was.

5. No Action In The Bedroom. A marriage on the rocks has a major lack of intimacy. So the two of you may not be physically affectionate or intimate anymore. If you do sleep together, you don’t feel emotionally connected but more like you are being used. He might also start sleeping on the couch.

6. He Doesn't Want To Spend Time Together. When you try to initiate date nights with your hubby, he isn't interested. He will give you a variety of excuses why he can’t spend time with you. And while he doesn't have a minute to spare for you, he has plenty of time for other people. You end up feeling unwanted and rejected as he keeps turning down your invitations.

7. New Circle Of Friends. Married couples usually have a shared circle of friends that they hang out with. But your husband doesn't want to spend time with them anymore since he has acquired a brand new circle of friends. Even more worrisome is that they are enjoying the single life and keeping your husband out late at night.

8. He's A Workaholic. He might be striving to get a promotion, but he might be dying to get out of the house. It he’s always at work, he might prefer associating with his coworkers than seeing you. There’s also the chance that he’s lying about where he’s going. If he’s suddenly spending hours more at the office, try to figure out why that is.

9. Nasty Comments. If you’re constantly fighting, there’s bound to be some harsh words said. However, a marriage is meant to be joyful. If he’s causing you more pain than pleasure, why are you still together? If he’s always insulting you, and never apologizing, then it’s a clear sign that he’d be happier elsewhere. Plus, you should never settle for someone that treats you poorly.

10. Bad Habits Emerge. If he’s suddenly started drinking or smoking more than usual, there must be a reason. Your relationship could be causing him stress, and he’s dealing with it in a dangerous way. If you notice bad habits emerging, try to figure out the source.

11. He Doesn't Contribute. Does he help you out around the house? If he doesn’t bother to do the laundry or dishes, he’s starting to care less and less. He should be willing to help you complete household chores, so that you’re not stuck doing all of the work. If he cared, he’d try to help out every once in a while, even if his contribution is small.

12. He's Never Home. Do you know where he goes when he’s not in the house? If he’s always out, but never bothers to tell you where he went, then he’s not communicating with you properly. A marriage is about trust, yes, but it’s also about honesty. If he’s pushing you away, your relationship is crumbling.

13. Hidden Phone. If he doesn’t let you touch his phone, there must be a reason. He could be sending his friends mean messages about you. He could have other women’s numbers in his contacts. He shouldn’t have anything to hide from you, because you’re the one person that he should be able to share anything with.

14. He Won't Compromise. When you fight, are you able to come to a compromise? If he’s not willing to budge, then it shows that he won’t take your needs into consideration. If one of you is always on the losing side of the battle, it’s not much of a fight. If you want a healthy relationship, you need to be able to figure things out in a way that will make both of you happy.

15. No Smiles. Does he still look at you the way he did when you first met? Things are bound to change over the years, but the magic should never fade. When you’re in love, the other person makes life worth living. If you no longer make him smile, then your time might be up.
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Now you have some idea of things to look for when your relationship is in grave trouble. If you recognize these signs, it’s up to you and your spouse to determine if you want to rekindle the love between you or walk away forever.

Source: allwomenstalk.com / Contributing Editor - Holly Riordan.

#11. Make sure you have at least $10,000 in life insurance because you never know when your main chic will find out about us, go psycho and put a bullet in your a-z-z...and I'll make sure I have insurance too.

It is an offence to take a child out of the country without the appropriate consent

Read more at: http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/userfiles/Abduction.pdf
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Parental child abductions from UK 'double in a decade'

Read more at: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-25343314
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In the UK, it is a criminal offence for anyone 'connected with a child' under 16 to take or send that child out of the UK without 'appropriate consent' of any other person who has ‘parental responsibility’ for the child.

Read more at: http://www.pact-online.org/Advice/advice-action-guide-pact-parents-and-abducted-children-together-parental-abduction-missing-children-associate-of-icmec.html
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If your child has been taken or kept overseas by their other parent or relative without your permission or you are worried this might happen this page explains what you need to do and who you can contact for assistance.

Read more at: http://www.ringroselaw.co.uk/child-abduction-law/international-parental-child-abduction/

Hmmm...something smells fishy.

Hmmm...something smells fishy.

cococandy:
@zboyd. Very true article.
Well they do it because Nigerian women let them get away with it.

Plu some amount of inferiority complex. The whites at some point owned blacks. So it's like a sort of victory for them when they win a white woman.
It's like an achievement for some of them.
They don't wanna mess it up.

Only when they are bitten,will they come back crying to their angry black women.

I read some of them on NL denigrating black women and I laugh.
Give them macho egocentric dudes some white wives and they'll become soft as pudding.

Na for black women body dem dey get power

They know themselves

lol

Yes, the transformation in some immigrant men is quite astonishing and interesting, especially those who come from wealthy families and can't even boil an egg. And talk about them actually changing a diaper! It's hilarious! Poor things!

You should see how some of these Foreign Women say "JUMP!" and some Naija /African/Other Immigrant Men ask "HOW HIGH?!"

And I have to agree with you on your observation: "It's like an achievement for some of them. They don't wanna mess it up. Only when they are bitten, will they come back crying to their angry black women."

I've noticed some of this type of behavior too. Most times, the very ones hollering "Imma get me a white gal! Imma get me a white gal!" Imma get me a white gal!" will jump back into African/Black Woman Land with a quickness, when that white gal turns on them like a rattlesnake, only to hear some African/Black Woman say: "Kiss my black ASSets! Back to White Gal Land for you, my brother!"

Oh well...such is life!

A word to the wise should be sufficient...but some people don't listen...even when they know better.

Notable Lawsuits:

1) Q: What’s lamer than a crappy photo of Nebraska? A: Having to pay $8,000 in copyright infringement penalties for it. This is a lesson we recently learned the hard way, and if you have (or contribute to) a blog you might want to read about our story so that you never, ever make the same mistake we did.

Read more at: http://www.contentfac.com/copyright-infringement-penalties-are-scary/

2) Lil Kim Sued For LP Artwork & Other Celebs Sued For Copyright Infringement

Read more at: http://realestate.aol.com/blog/videos/real-estate/518076051/
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

10 Reasons that Cause Blogger Blog Deleted By Google

Read more at: https://www.mybloggerworld.com/2014/02/10-reasons-that-cause--blog.html
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As the blogging phenomenon expands, copyright concerns become quite important. Technology makes it really easy to copy, modify and share information, whether we talk about text, images, audio or video.

Read more at: http://www.dailyblogtips.com/copyright-law-12-dos-and-donts/
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bloggers are getting in trouble for their posts? You have probably heard that a lot of times. Bloggers are citizen journalist that publishes sensitive issues that they are not aware of the consequences.

Read more at: http://copyright.laws.com/copyright-infringement/bloggers-guide-to-avoid-copyright-violation
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thanks to the internet that makes ideas and opinions easily and quickly get published. But there is big responsibility as a consequence to the development. Blogging with attitude can be tricky.

See more at: http://copyright.laws.com/internet-piracy/bloggers-rights
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If you are a new blogger you may not be aware of the word plagiarism, copyright problem…etc. Plagiarism means copying content written by another author in your website.

Read more at: http://techspiel.com/copyright-infringement-fines-and-punishmentslegal-actions-taken-for-copy-paste-articles/
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You've heard some teachers say that it's always wrong to copy someone else's work. They ruthlessly check your papers for plagiarism. Other teachers say that it's all right as long as you give credit to the original author. Who's right?

Read more here: http://www.plagiarismchecker.com/plagiarism-vs-copyright.php

Notable Lawsuits:

1) Q: What’s lamer than a crappy photo of Nebraska? A: Having to pay $8,000 in copyright infringement penalties for it. This is a lesson we recently learned the hard way, and if you have (or contribute to) a blog you might want to read about our story so that you never, ever make the same mistake we did.

Read more at: http://www.contentfac.com/copyright-infringement-penalties-are-scary/

2) Lil Kim Sued For LP Artwork & Other Celebs Sued For Copyright Infringement

Read more at: http://realestate.aol.com/blog/videos/real-estate/518076051/
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

10 Reasons that Cause Blogger Blog Deleted By Google

Read more at: https://www.mybloggerworld.com/2014/02/10-reasons-that-cause--blog.html
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As the blogging phenomenon expands, copyright concerns become quite important. Technology makes it really easy to copy, modify and share information, whether we talk about text, images, audio or video.

Read more at: http://www.dailyblogtips.com/copyright-law-12-dos-and-donts/
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bloggers are getting in trouble for their posts? You have probably heard that a lot of times. Bloggers are citizen journalist that publishes sensitive issues that they are not aware of the consequences.

Read more at: http://copyright.laws.com/copyright-infringement/bloggers-guide-to-avoid-copyright-violation
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thanks to the internet that makes ideas and opinions easily and quickly get published. But there is big responsibility as a consequence to the development. Blogging with attitude can be tricky.

See more at: http://copyright.laws.com/internet-piracy/bloggers-rights
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If you are a new blogger you may not be aware of the word plagiarism, copyright problem…etc. Plagiarism means copying content written by another author in your website.

Read more at: http://techspiel.com/copyright-infringement-fines-and-punishmentslegal-actions-taken-for-copy-paste-articles/
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You've heard some teachers say that it's always wrong to copy someone else's work. They ruthlessly check your papers for plagiarism. Other teachers say that it's all right as long as you give credit to the original author. Who's right?

Read more here: http://www.plagiarismchecker.com/plagiarism-vs-copyright.php

ayukdaboss:
Okay OP let me rephrase your question. Is a woman's butt behind? YES it is...Of course all women love tall guys. The ones you find dating short guys have reasons not related to their appreciation for short guys.

Could you please be more specific on those reasons not related to certain women's appreciation for short guys?

I don't want to assume anything.

History of sagging pants varies.

Sagging Pants History #1

According to TV's Judge Greg Mathis, sagging was adopted from the United States prison system where belts are sometimes prohibited to prevent prisoners from using them as weapons or committing suicide by hanging themselves. The style was later popularized by hip-hop artists in the 1990s. It later became a symbol of freedom and cultural awareness among some youths or a symbol of their rejection of the values of mainstream society.

Sagging Pants History #2

According to the Old Gs (Old Gangsters in the U.S.), sagging pants originated in U.S. prisons, courtesy of imprisoned gay men, signaling s-xual availability. They called it 'PBS'...Prison B-itch Syndrome.

Take your pick!

As a woman, are you more attracted to taller men or shorter men?

Or...are you an equal opportunity dater and don't care if the men you are attracted to are taller or shorter than you?

pickabeau1:
Maybe u can post it here

Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives

By Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals, White-Americans and African-Americans. They are marrying, not for the primarily purpose of acquiring “greencard,” but for other noble reasons. They marry, not for the curiosity, but because they are bonded and are determined to make a success of the marriage institution; they are bonded by love and faith and a commitment to one another to live their lives as one in a happy matrimony.

The more I notice this phenomenon, the more I wonder about some Nigerian men. I wonder. Culturally, Nigerian men are overbearing, controlling, and paternalistic. They relate to their fathers and mothers differently. They believe it is “a man’s world” and so they have the tendency to relegate women to subservient roles. True, things are changing. True globalization and modernity and westernization are impacting the Nigerian culture. In cities across Nigeria, these changes are noticeable; but over all, the effects of these changes are minimal. A Nigerian may be well read, well educated and well traveled, in the end though, he will succumb to the weight and influence of the Nigerian culture.

We have a society where anthropological and sociological behaviors are still paramount. For instance, a great many Nigerians still practice levirate and sororate marriage, and they also engage in polygyny, bridewealth, and matrilocal and patrilocal living arrangements. And in spite of westernization, Nigerians are still not comfortable with public display of affection, i.e. kissing and verbal declaration of love; and neither are they comfortable with open and public discussions of abortion, sex and exotic sex acts. That Nigerians are not comfortable with such public declarations and have not completely embraced westernization is due, to a large extent, on the hold the traditional African culture has on the vast majority of the populace. At the core of every Nigerian, and indeed every African, is the thumbprint, the umbilical cord of their ancestors.

This non-public declaration and display of love and affection is not unique to Nigerians living in Nigeria. No! The vast majority of Nigerians living in the United States are loath to engage in such practices, too. Furthermore, most Nigerians do not engage in endearing practices like candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park, or even running the bath for their wives or lovers. It would surprise most westerners to know that a typical Nigerian father or mother would rarely, if ever, utter affectionate or confidence-building words like “I love you…” to their children; yet, the children have no doubt that their parents love them. Children are the crowing glory of any respectable Nigerian family.

Having digressed a bit, I return to the issue of Nigerian men and their foreign wives. I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul?

How were they able to adjust to living under a different set of rules and matrimonial conventions? How is it that a breed of men married to their fellow countrywomen would behave in a given and predictable manner; but then adjust to a different matrimonial lifestyle when married to foreigners? When they are with the Nigerian women, these men are all about control and power and they expect their wives to cook and clean and raise babies and provide sex on demand; but with the foreign wives, their balls shrink! Such men live by schedule. They have daily and weekly schedule of when to do the laundry and the dishes; of whose turn it is to empty the thrash; and of whose turn it is to sweep and mop the floor; and of when to eat out and cook at home.

These men -- especially if married to White women -- feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed. These men meet and exceed all matrimonial expectations; but would rubbish and dominate their Nigerian women. What is it about a White woman that makes the Nigerian male lose his senses? Could it be because of their skin color and their supposed sensuality and submissive attitude in bed? Could it be because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in? Or perhaps it has to do with the warped mentality of some Nigerian men who thinks everything white is good and desirable and so must be had!

Why are Nigerian men afraid to turn control over to their Nigerian wives? Why are they averse to showing their sensitive side? Why the need to control and dominate? Why are Nigerian men reluctant to take their wives on a romantic walk to the parks and beaches, buy roses and cards? Why the need to bottle up their romantic side? Why have they refused to do for their Nigerian wives what they would heartily do for non-Nigerian women? After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house. They usually do not demand for more than is earthly possible. And way more than their foreign counterparts they understand what it means to be a wife and a partner; they understand what it means to be part of the extended family.

When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes. For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about “us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly or quarterly remittances.

Yes, some of us can’t help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul! Again and again and again, they have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are!

Permit me to direct the viewing audience to an article that speaks of the transformation of some Nigerian men who are married to non-Nigerian women. What some Nigerian-based wives complain of Nigerian-based husbands NOT doing is far different from what some Nigerian husbands who are married to foreign women ARE doing in the Diaspora. Why is this so?

Note: For those who are familiar with the article, just bypass this post.

Article: "Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives"...http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/616/1/Nigerian-Men-and-their-Foreign-Wives/Page1.html

Article: "Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives: A Rejoinder"...http://www.gamji.com/article4000/NEWS4583.htm

This article exposes the secret methods certain pastors use to get rich off God’s people. Have you ever wondered how some pastors start a church and then become wealthy living in flashy houses and driving luxury cars? Well this article exposes how they do it, extracting money from their congregations to fund their lifestyles. Here are the secrets they definitely do not want you to know.

Important Note: As you read, please remember that very few pastors use the techniques you are about to discover. The great majority of Christian pastors do not earn much money even though they work hard at their jobs. Most Christian pastors would find these techniques repugnant. Please do not make the mistake of tarring the many good pastors with the brush reserved for the spiritually corrupt few.

Why you should read this article

•You will discover the secret techniques that certain pastors use to transfer money out of your pocket and into theirs.
•You will understand the overall pattern behind their tricks.
•You will learn enough to protect your friends and family.
•You could gain thousands of dollars (or pounds or euros), literally. Reading this article can set you free. Free to keep more of the money that you have worked hard for. Money you can take and invest in genuine works of God, or in toys for your kids, or perhaps something shiny for your spouse.

Finally, reading this article can help you please God more, since you will no longer be investing in ungodly works.

Read more here: http://www.cultwatch.com/HowPastorsGetRich.html
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
About the 1972 Marjoe documentary...

"If you're going to get into big time religion, these are the games you have to play. You go into it as a business and you work it as a business." --Quote by Marjoe Gortner

Excerpt from 1972 documentary 'Marjoe'...https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=s-NwKD9laZw
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
How TV evangelists perform fake miracles, and steal your money.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4JGUFmY9gIE

As a single man...what reasons would cause you to lose respect for a woman?

As a husband...what reasons would cause you to lose respect for your wife?

rozzay:
Eeerm I think d op is indirectly saying
Gays nd lesbos meet here

No, I'm not saying any such thing.

Generally...

Gay men don't hate women.

Lesbians don't hate men.

Those are myths.

However, men AND women who consistently call the opposite sex nasty names and refer to them in the most degrading manner are labeled man haters and woman haters...BUT...they still date and marry the objects of their hate.

Why?

They just do.

That's weird.

lastpage:
Abeegi, stop painting all these "dooms day" picture that is non-existent!

Where in the WEST does a man "confiscate" his wife pay-check?
Her weekly payments, just like any other person that works for pay (employee), in the WEST (as in America or anywhere in Europe) goes straight into her BANK ACCOUNT and the husband does not even see the thing!

I dont like those who strewn lies together, just to make a point.

if you need to say something, be realistic and state it exactly as it OBTAINS! Your intended reader might not be aware of what obtains in the West but P-L-E-A-S-E, TRUTH preserves someone and since we are doing this anonymously, it costs us nothing to be truthful and objective.
.

Again, the picture you 'painted' about that woman doing two jobs with no house-help and paying "pretty penny" for childcare seems to be about some woman who lives in the "WEST"

......but you conveniently left out the fact that she gets "all sorts of FREE MONEY" from the Government (Early Childcare, Back to School Grant, Child benefit)
.... and seeing that you did not mention that she has a husband helping her, l will assume she is separated/divorced or just one of them baby Mommas who just get pregnant for whichever man who succeeds to 'score', then she is also getting LONE PARENT ALLOWANCE plus her House Rent is being paid for by the Govt (at best she contributes a tiny fraction of about 15% or even nothing if she lives in one of them Council Houses since her income is and will be "means tested' .....meaning if it does not reach a certain amount/threshold, she pays nothing!).

I agree that gone are the days, especially in the WEST where women can just sit at home and do nothing... its even not god for any woman's health not to fulfil her potential in life, as long as it has no detrimental effect on her family, which is her primary responsibility.

Working and contributing to the family purse, by a wife is simply to give the household a "leg-up" on the income ladder so that they can afford to buy things which ordinarily they wont be able to afford IN THAT YEAR, if only the husband is working. They would eventually get there but if both are working and contributing, they get there very quickly, as in faster than when income is from one source, the husband.

Most men have enough pride to just ignore their wife's income (especially for a man with a good source of income) but for some, it helps a lot if the wife also chips-in.
Infact, a "wise woman", the type that qualifies to be called her "Husband's Helper", even if the man refuses to take her income into consideration, will impose it on herself to ensure that she uses her money to take care of certain things in the household, even without informing her husband (ofcourse, he will know and appreciate her for that)

... But the Greedy and Selfish ones are the types that will tell you "I am saving it for the rainy day or l am saving it for my kids" meaning she is already planning ahead for the death of her husband or the break-up of the marriage, hence the squireling-away of money for the "proverbial rainy day".
Ofcourse, it just shows lack of "complete commitment" to the household/marriage.

Just setting the records STRAIGHT!

Lastpage!

BTW: Until we agree and accept that there is a reason why we have "headmaster" in a school (even though there are other senior teachers in the school), "Captain" in a ship/Plane (even though he has Shipmates & Co-Pilot), "CEO" in a company (even though there are Departmental heads as well), e.t.c, ........until we figure out the reason (its simple actually, the buck must stop at someone's table and that person must take responsibility for prime decisions at all times), .......until then, we can continue to argue about the role of a woman in the family-setup.

Not all women like their role (some even wish they are men ), not all women will accept their role (some will challenge their husband over these) but all-in-all, if you chose to go into marriage, you must be able to come to agreement with your husband before marriage, on what will work best for your household otherwise, that marriage is just doomed. Chikenna.

I see that ignorance reigns supreme in your world.

So be it!

Some men and women actually hate the opposite s-x, due to past relationships or in some cases bad parenting.

But how do you, as a single person, seeking a potential romantic partner determine those who actually harbor a deep-seated hatred for the opposite sex?

For those who have found yourselves in relationships with men who hate women OR women who hate men, are there any signs you've noticed that you can pass along to singles, so they can avoid hooking up with such people?

walcolm:
@OP, nice post and quite relevant to the world we now live in.

the only problem i have with the post is that you have painted 3 different pictures of the wife but only one of the husband....that's putting men in a myopic box and that's unfair to the male gender. there are men who believe in the feminist ideologies and will be more than happy to support and marry a feminist. the problem with feminism in this part of the world is that most women now hide under the ideology to commit murder. they want the freedom and perks feminism brings but they dont want the responsibilities that comes with the power. the proverbial faith is a prime example of a woman who wants the freedom of feminism but doesnt want the responsibility that goes with it

the proverbial faith in your post is also a liar if she claims she takes care of the household chores and the needs of two children...no woman can work full time and do that. the househelp paid for by the husband is probably the one doing the chores and caring for the children 80% of the time because she's at work full time like the husband so claiming that as her contribution and excuse for withholding her earnings from the family is a lie

the proverbial beatrice deserves to have a say in the affairs of the family if her husband accepts her contribution to the family finances. if she's putting in 100% of her earnings just like her husband is putting in 100% of his earnings into the family purse, then she deserves to have an equitable say in the family decisions

First, I only listed 3 scenarios but I stated that there are more depending on the couple.

Second, do you know how many women over here work full-time AND raise 1+ children, many times by themselves? The average woman over here doesn't have any house help/nanny/governess/etc., but some do have daycare institutions they pay a pretty penny to, who watch their kids from 6am to 6pm. In fact, some of these women work two jobs and still manage to raise their children well AND take care of their household expenditures, sometimes, by themselves. And they are far from well-off.

Third, some men rule their homes with iron fists. They even confiscate their wives' paychecks. And no matter what the wife brings home from working, he and only he has the final say how her salary is spent.

lakamua:
So model 3 is waiting for her husband to die before spending the money on herself and her children. What a bad wife

I beg to differ. Tamar* is not a "bad wife".

Here's the scenario again.

Model 3.

Tamar* is a working wife who is married to a husband who believes in gender equality, except in the area of household expenditures. He doesn't expect her to contribute ANY money to the household and has never asked her. He was raised to believe that as a husband, he is responsible for paying each and every bill in the household, including those pertaining to the children, even if his wife is gainfully employed. So any money Tamar makes is her money and none of his business. If he has to take on a second or third job, to make ends meet, so be it. He doesn't tolerate any discussion of the matter. Most wives would envy Tamar's position but she is worried that her husband works too hard at times. She fears he may keel over from a stress-induced heart attack, leaving her a young widow, with three kids to raise. So she saves back most of her salary, in the event her husband becomes incapacitated and the household expenditures fall on her shoulders.

udifrancis:
Does it mean she contributes some to the well being of the family ?

Not when it come to household expenditures. The husband won't allow it.

But the wife saves most of her salary for a rainy day, because you never know what may happen.

What she doesn't save, she uses on herself and entertainment for the kids.

Some women over here are married to men like this woman's husband.

My mother married one, as did I. There's no reasoning with men who think like this, based on my own personal experience. Best go with the flow to avoid arguments.

In fact, all the men on my father's side of the family are like this woman's husband.

Are You A Control Freak In Your Relationships?

We all want some control over our lives. We want to feel like we govern the direction our life takes. Of course, the circumstances of our lives are largely determined by those around us. Our spouses, kids, family members, co-workers, and friends have a huge influence. Their behavior, good or bad, determines a lot about what we have to deal with in life. Therefore, many of us want to control people. Some of us even go too far in trying to control others. We use whatever means available to get them to do what we want. We become Control Freaks.

Some Signs That You May Be A Control Freak

If you are curious as to whether or not you are one, here are a few signs. One or more of these symptoms generally exist in the life of a control freak.

⦁Lack of Delegation – Control freaks usually find themselves over-worked and exhausted because they refuse to delegate. Control freaks believe in the motto, "If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself!"

⦁Perfectionism – As you might have guessed, control freaks are often perfectionists as well. It is my way or the highway!

⦁Friction and Resentment – Control freaks often experience friction and resentment in their relationships. They don't understand that most people don’t want to be controlled and they certainly get tired of being made to feel inadequate. This usually creates friction and over the long-term a certain level of resentment.

⦁Fear – In more extreme cases, control freaks may realize others are afraid of them. When necessary, control freaks will use intimidation to manipulate. This intimidation can be physical or it can be emotional. Those around them walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting us and receiving the fury of their wrath.

If you identify at all with any of these, then you may want to go a little further before you call yourself a full-fledged control freak. There’s more you can use in your diagnosis.

The Tools Of A Control Freak

Control freaks have a lot of different methods at their disposal to get others to do what they want. They are master manipulators. If you aren’t sure yet whether you are a control freak, then assess yourself further by determining if you use these tactics in your relationships.

Guilt. Guilt is a favorite weapon of the control freak. The masters can make you feel guilty without batting an eye. It can be used in almost any situation and is effective on just about everybody.

Exaggeration. A control freak will blow the smallest thing out of proportion. They will exaggerate their positive performances and your failures to manipulate the situation.

Withdrawal. Withholding attention and affection is another tool of the control freak. If you don’t do what they like, then they’ll freeze you out. Of course, withdrawal can also take the form of physical absence.

Passive-Aggressive. Passive-aggressive behavior is devious. It involves things like intentional procrastination and stubbornness. An example might be intentionally failing to mail an important application until it is overdue thereby causing your spouse to miss an event they wanted to attend, but you opposed.

Belittling. Badgering a person continuously to ruin their self-confidence is a technique many control freaks use. The intent is to make others weak and dependent.

Rage and Threats. When all else fails, one of the more efficient means of controlling another person is intimidation. The control freak can throw an impressive fit. They will use their volume, size and strength to bully others into doing what they want.

Two Steps To Breaking Free

Being a control freak is unhealthy. It generally will destroy a relationship. Sooner or later those being controlled wake up and leave. Once they're outside of a control freak's sphere of influence, they rarely return. If you think you might be a control freak, then here are two first steps to breaking free.

1. Admit The Truth About Yourself. Recognizing you have a problem is often the hardest part of solving it. If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then you probably need to come clean about your control freak tendencies. Being honest with yourself and others won’t be easy, but it will start the healing process. Admit your guilt and tell those around you that you are going to try to do better. Enlist their help.

2. Accept That Performance Does Not Equal Self-Worth. Many control freaks feel that they are only as good as their latest performance. They equate their self-worth to how well they are doing on tasks, raising a family, etc. This is dangerous. It makes you want to micro-manage and control every aspect of other people's lives to prevent any type of failure. This is often a root cause of becoming a control freak. Accept yourself for who you are! You have intrinsic qualities that make you a valuable, lovable person even if your life isn’t perfect.
_______________

Use this information to recognize what you’ve been doing and start making changes. The results will amaze you.

Source: e-harmony.com

laudate:
Oya, everybody queue up here!

The debate of the century. Drinks are available at =N=250 per can, while popcorn is ready to be served at =N=800 per pack. Take your seats, ladies and gentlemen.... gate fee is =N=1,500 only. Hold yah change oh, I go join una if I no get change, oh!

In the blue corner is Zboyd, 50Calibre, Shymexx and the guys are ably supported by tonychristopher. They are arguing that single women are to blame for the infidelity of married men. In fact, the men have no control over their 'down below' and rely solely on women to keep them in check, as if the word 'self-control' took a French leave, the day men were created!

In the red corner, is Banana Bender, Alutacontinua and Bukatyne ably supported by Shirley7, who believe that it is the job of a married man or married woman to protect their marriages, and since the single woman is not a party to the marital vows exchanged by the couple before the altar, she bears no blame.

Gbagaun! Let the games...begin!!

How can any games begin when the Game Master doesn't know the Game Players?

The topic of discussion was "Why Can't Single People 'Just Say No' To Married People?"

Single people means women AND men.

Why are you trying to make this topic into a gender war?

Do you hate women that much?

greatgod2012:
It's obvious and unfortunate that many don't really understand what marriage is all about.
Marriage is all about partnership, teamwork, in everything, every aspect and every area in love, understanding and empathy.
Marriage is not about one-man battalion, it's about two people working as one in every area that involves their marriage and lives.
If, as wife, you really love your husband, with understanding and empathy, you will realise that it's "unmarriage"(formed by me) to saddle your husband with all the financial responsibilities, apart from the fact that it isn't good for his health, it shows that you yourself aint committed to being teamed up with your husband, (selfishness)which sooner than later, may brings up unhealthy marital relationship to spring up.

Similarly, if, as a husband, if you really love your wife and see her as part of you, you will involve her in every decision to be taken at home, and in your life, when it comes to household matters, you will know that you're both one and act accordingly. You will see her as part of you that mustn't be neglected or abandoned.
At the end of the day, both parties enjoy their commitment towards each other and peace reigns absolutely.

Idealistic but not really realistic.

If not, there wouldn't be such a deafening chorus of dissent.

Think about it!

Below are three financial models found in some households but there are others, depending on the couple.

Model 1.

Faith* is a working wife who has proactively argued for gender equality, insists she is entitled to have a career just like her husband but doesn't feel she should contribute financially to the household. She was raised to believe that the man is the head of household, and therefore, responsible for all the bills in the household. In spite of working full-time, she still takes care of all the housework and the needs of their two children. According to Faith*, this method justifies her decision of keeping her money in the bank, rather than contributing towards household expenditures. However, this mindset doesn't set too well with her husband who believes household expenditures should be shared, based on what each spouse makes. He thinks she's using him and he resents it. She and her husband are on the verge of separation because she refuses to budge.

Model 2.

Beatrice* takes great pride in contributing to the household. It gives her a sense of accomplishment. But she feels she should have equal say in household decisions, if a portion of her salary is going towards household expenditures. Unfortunately, her traditionally-minded husband disagrees with her. He was raised to believe that the husband is supposed to be the head of household, not the wife, therefore, the husband has the final say, when it comes to ANY decisions in the household. However, Beatrice* was raised differently. Her mother was also a working wife and shared in all the decision-making in the household with her father. So Beatrice's husband attitude is a source of constant frustration. She's even beginning to resent him. She feels his mindset is backwards and unfair and feels he doesn't respect her or her economic contributions to the household. The thought of being a single mother of two terrifies her but she feels her husband is so set in his ways that there's little hope their marriage can be saved.

Model 3.

Tamar* is a working wife who is married to a husband who believes in gender equality, except in the area of household expenditures. He doesn't expect her to contribute ANY money to the household and has never asked her. He was raised to believe that as a husband, he is responsible for paying each and every bill in the household, including those pertaining to the children, even if his wife is gainfully employed. So any money Tamar makes is her money and none of his business. If he has to take on a second or third job, to make ends meet, so be it. He doesn't tolerate any discussion of the matter. Most wives would envy Tamar's position but she is worried that her husband works too hard at times. She fears he may keel over from a stress-induced heart attack, leaving her a young widow, with three kids to raise. So she saves back most of her salary, in the event her husband becomes incapacitated and the household expenditures fall on her shoulders.

Where do you stand on this issue?

*Names have been changed.

Would you tell your friend?

Would you tell your own Partner/Spouse?

Would you tell the offending Partner/Spouse that if it happens again, you will tell your friend?

What if it does happen again? Would you tell?

What if your friend doesn't believe you and his/her Partner/Spouse denies making a pass at you?

How would you protect your friendship?

If your own Partner/Spouse made a pass at one of your close friends, would you want to be told?

African Marriages As Business Ventures
by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

There was a time when Africans, especially the men, kept to their promise of someday returning home to marry the women they left behind. And indeed, a great many did, without regard to the women’s financial or social standing. Promises were generally kept, and love honored. Others retuned to marry women who had been pre-arranged, based on same or familiar culture, religion, and or family relationship. Those days are mostly long gone as relationship between fiancé and fiancée, at home and abroad, would generally come to an end within a few month of one party leaving the African shore.

Today, most Africans who return home to marry do so for different reasons — reasons that have no bearing on past relationship or on family connection. But somehow, most would not confess or admit to the true reasons why they return in search of a bride or groom; and neither would those in the continent admit to the real reasons why they agree to such marriages. As it turned out, there is a usually ulterior motive behind such marriages. The way I see it, it is mostly economics. On both sides, that is.

As the economic situation in the continent becomes dire, and as abject poverty becomes endemic, more and more African men and women find ways to snag overseas-based suitors. And as overseas-based suitors ponder their lot in life, most would come to the realization that their lives would be better off only if they could snag a partner with high financial potential to improve the household’s economic and social standing. In other words, recent marriages within the African community in the Diaspora are a bet on future income and prosperity. Altruism is out; self-indulgence and narcissism is in. Seen from both ends therefore, economic consideration becomes the overarching and decisive factor for marriage.

Put another way: marriage is a business venture. Most no longer speak of, or allude to love and affection and respect and rapport and common interest and common vision and such variables. Economic considerations trump all “emotional” arguments.That love is overrated, inconvenient, and gradually becoming a nuisance is not lost on most African suitors; therefore, the vast majority of prospective brides and grooms have at the top of their minds a simply cost-benefit analysis. They wonder if marriage would be beneficial and wonder also what their prospective partners will bring to the table. And more so in recent years, those who discount economic considerations are now in the minority — their numbers thinning and becoming statistically insignificant.

But of course there are exceptions to this proposition as some marriages are still based on love and affection, family and cultural considerations, and on religious tenets and value. But to truly grasp what is happening to marriage, one only needs to examine the African community in the United States of America where stories abound of how men go back home to get married to professional women and then come back here only to be used and abandoned by the women. But of course, imported professional husbands are also abandoning their wives.
In the end though, many African marriages are a farce, and an embarrassment to the marriage institution. It has gotten to this state mostly because men and women enter into the union based on false premise, false pretext and bogus promises. The lies and the deceits on both sides, the superficiality of intentions on both sides, and the unkept promises coupled with high expectations have become the bane of African marriages.

Africans, Nigerians especially, prefer nurses and doctors. These groups of professionals are considered cash-cows in the United States. If you live in any of the big cities in the United States, you are likely to hear about or be invited to a welcoming party for newly arrived African wives, who are sometimes 10-18 years younger than their husbands. And every so often, the new arrivals would be men, imported husbands.
Most African women come from systems and traditions were the men are better educated and are at the helm of political and economic power and therefore, in most cases, are the sole economic provider. But once in the U.S. and able to go to college, work and provide for themselves, most of these women will no longer see their husbands as the sole-captain, but only as a co-captain, a co-breadwinner, and a co-equal. This realization changes the way they relate to their husbands.

Consequently, the big cities are replete with African women who are single mothers, or women who are in their second or third marriages, or who are simply providing sexual favors to hungry African men. And then there are groups of single or divorced African women who “move” from one city to another in search of husbands. Most are well read, well traveled and have achieved some measure of financial and career success. Buy then the question for most is “What is success without a husband or a children-filled home?”

Rare is the African man in the U.S. who will marry a woman with children or marry a woman who just went through a messy divorce. So, for all those “homegrown African wives” who thinks they will find another husband once they leave their matrimonial homes, well, they are in for a big shock…a rude awakening! After the shock come the sadness and depression and hopelessness.

As for the men, well, most will feel cheated. They feel used. They feel like failures, and may develop psychological hatred for African women. It is never easy on the men. Never! After several years of sending money to Africa to support these women and having to go through the tedious immigration process and then to now have the women unilaterally declare self-independence, walk out of the marriage and in severe cases, call in the government to intercede, can be injurious to the men’s ego and sense of self. And once the men come out of the aforesaid experience, they tend to marry women of other races. Their view of the African woman is never the same again.

Source: saharareporters.com
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What do you think of this author describing African marriages as business ventures?

Your relationship is moving into the fifth year and your guy has yet to pop the question.

The relationship is fine - no problems. You (30) have finished your education, have a good job and live in your own home, so does your guy (36).

But how much longer should you wait to hear "Will you marry me?" and have that engagement ring slipped on your finger?

What should you do?

Should you continue with the relationship as it is now, hoping that someday your guy will propose?

Or...should you end the relationship and walk away, if he doesn't propose, hoping that you will meet a guy who is really serious about getting married and starting a family?