Whalis:
UK and not US uses imperial measurements.

US uses metric too, but you have to look into industries that uses the them

Medicine --- milligrams Mg

Weapons --- millimetre MM

Track and Field --- Metres

Photography --- Millimetre

enambobo:
I prefer the US. They pay way better than the UK with less taxation. UK uses tax in growing her economy. More reason why tax rate is pretty high compared to the US.
Plus majority of the US companies pay based on hourly rates. Meaning you're paid based on your time worked. If you put in the extra effort and work 16 hours, you're paid based on that unlike the UK where the rate most times is fixed per month. Not many UK companies pay hourly.

you dont know what you are talking about its obvious you are talking on based on information that you cant interpret. IN UK we get paid per hour, but when advertising for permanent vacant they usually put per year salary, that doesnt mean you are paid per month

Blackdisciple:
Meaning she doesn't trust her husband and the husband shouldn't trust her too....

If he has money he should secretly building a house or establish some businesses elsewhere without her notice simple...

thats one side of things, i agree

but the otherside is that she just helped to develop the compound of her father nothing more.

Yes we might question why she hide it from
hubby, to me its just a reflection of how are things in the house or someone poisoned her to hide it from hubby

nickyvil:
First let me clarity something's to you, first we are in Nigeria doing things in family house especially the female child is 50/50 chance, what if tomorrow there is a dispute on the said land after her father pass away, what if her sibling are not on the same page, we are having the same issues, my grandfather had so many properties which after his death, some of my Dad's siblings are not cool with the will which they contest. The case is in the court, my father had his properties away from his dads own and I have my own away from my dad, the house I build in our home town is simply a family house so to avoid family issues the best is to acquire your own properties and build, that is an investment for your kids but anything you build in your fathers house is a 50/50 unless if your father attest to giving you the land and before he died , you acquired the document for the landed properties if not its risky. I'm in support of her having her own properties but I'm not in support of her in her family house.

i understand all that, the fact that the women went to built a house in her father's compound, it means she doesnt see the dynamics that might came later

Then we also have to question the leadership of the house aka husband why the wife chose that route, roughly meaning their is lack of communication, future plans between the two. Or wife is reacting to something we dont know hence i responded that its complex becoz we dont know the dynamics in the house

nickyvil:


I don't have anything against her building a house secretly but I have a problem building it in her father's compound, first this is not a wise choice considering the future of her kids.

what do you mean considering the future of the kids?

if she wise enough to built a house there is a high chance to think of the future of the kids

The kids can benefit both from mum's side where the house is and from the family house (mum &daddy)

The only issue which needs clarity is that is the house in her children name or development done considering that the children have the right to be included in the share of the compound in the event grandpa and mum dies

Creamypie:
In my family, our only male inlaw knows that giving is gift is an insult to us. Big insult. Cheapest car in our compound is 3.5m, so b4 we go accept anything e bring, na car of 20 million at least. Even when our sister abroad give birth, mum just way bill foodstuff worth 600k, instead of traveling abroad like the way poor and yeye people day do, on the mans expenses, while conversely, we dey assist our female in-laws family, both when they asked for it or not. This has made our wives to both respect and fear us in the primary family.

its culture mostly in poor families, where membera of the family expect son-in- law to shower them with gifts and it has been mandotory, whereas these gift should be gesters of love etc once in while not to say every xmas its must

There is nothing wrong in giving something to
in laws but in laws shouldnt make it manditory

Naira2Man:

It is not selfish, you cannot expect someone to sell his father's house and then start dividing the money about, only those legally bound to inherit should get something if the mother was dead then yes maybe her kids can receive but the mother his wife got 200k, regardless whatever amount the wife got he the husband has to totally remove his heart from his wife's family inheritance issues

yes hubby should not get involved in inheritance issues but lets say your wife is being sidelined infront of your eyes then all of sudden, she is backing up the same people who were sidelining her

Does it make sense to you ? will you be comfortable with such people?

James4joh:
let me do little introduction of my wife's family for better understanding, it's a family of 6 (2 boys 4 girls) the 2 boys are the eldest both the Men and the ladies are happily married all living in Abuja except for me and my wife living in kogi and my mother-in-law living in Auchi in Edo State because my father-in-law also have house in Auchi but they where all living in Abuja before the death of the man.

It all started after the death of the man, the woman connive with the 2 boys to start collecting the proceed from the house without carrying any of the ladies along this has been going on for almost 4 years too date. Though I never showed any concern because I felt it was not my business even when I hate my mother-in-law attitude for being bias ( one sided mother-in-law.)

The one that really got me angry was when the mum sold one of the house in Collabo with the 2 men without the other girls knowing, later when the other girls find out they cried uncontrollably including my wife because they where looking like outcast in the own father heritance. They later credit them 200k each but I ask my wife to return the money with immediate alacrity... To fast forward Christmas has come my mother-in-law is calling me because she knows I always deliver. Sending me account number well my wife knows me too well not even a dime from me.

My wife is now taking side with her mum and she is even saying that I am not supposed to take it personal it's their family thing not mine



Please guys am I doing too much?

lets put your story aside

a wise woman from hubby who is average financial plan in advance, planning i mean asking hubby what the plan for xmas for both in laws, this should be at least 2/3 months before xmas

It give the wise time to also hustle something for either mother direct or her mum -in

Gives you both hubby and wife to be on the same page what needs to be done for out respective parents

As wife if you simply wait for the man to do it last minute, you are creating a room for both in laws to blame their daughter or son in law for not being good people

Then as our in-laws before you ask from your son/daughter in law ask yourself have your ever given your son/daughter in law gifts or you are just those who want to recieve by default of being mother/father in law

Father/mother in law are self entitled

So beside the family drama, did your wife talk about xmas present for both parents ? if not she has no right to pin only on you, she is equally responsible however in your case she cant manipulate you to give to the same
mother who sees no value in her own daughter

Naijabad:
What will you do if your wife is secretly building a house in her fathers compound.

its a very complex issue, first of all
we need to know the dynamics in her marriage, remember a men can be the head of the house, but might be a poor person in creating a future for the kids

James4joh:
let me do little introduction of my wife's family for better understanding, it's a family of 6 (2 boys 4 girls) the 2 boys are the eldest both the Men and the ladies are happily married all living in Abuja except for me and my wife living in kogi and my mother-in-law living in Auchi in Edo State because my father-in-law also have house in Auchi but they where all living in Abuja before the death of the man.

It all started after the death of the man, the woman connive with the 2 boys to start collecting the proceed from the house without carrying any of the ladies along this has been going on for almost 4 years too date. Though I never showed any concern because I felt it was not my business even when I hate my mother-in-law attitude for being bias ( one sided mother-in-law.)

The one that really got me angry was when the mum sold one of the house in Collabo with the 2 men without the other girls knowing, later when the other girls find out they cried uncontrollably including my wife because they where looking like outcast in the own father heritance. They later credit them 200k each but I ask my wife to return the money with immediate alacrity... To fast forward Christmas has come my mother-in-law is calling me because she knows I always deliver. Sending me account number well my wife knows me too well not even a dime from me.

My wife is now taking side with her mum and she is even saying that I am not supposed to take it personal it's their family thing not mine



Please guys am I doing too much?

when she sold the house did she even give your something eg she sends money saying "buy this and that for my grands kids its money from their grand father house or something like"

my point is they think of you when they want to recieve from you but when they got something they never even thought to buy something for grands kids, to be thats a great sign of appreciation to you via kids

So to me people like that are just selfish

immortalcrown:
Two wrongs do not make a right. Give your mother-in-law what she deserves from you as her son-in-law. Her mismanagement of her husband's property cannot be your excuse.

If you are not consulted on the management of her husband's assets, do not interfere.

NOTE: I am not supporting how she and her sons treat her daughters. My point is that her wrongs do not justify yours.

are you crazy ? mother in law/father in law only deserve gift whe you visit them. The rest can be sorted by their own kids

Gerrard59:
The comments are irritating!

The wife's siblings DID NOT BUY ANYTHING FOR THEIR MOM! Does it mean OP loves his mother-in-law more than her children? And in the post, I did not see any of their fathers mentioned. So, what exactly do men gain from marriage?! Let's assume they are alive, what are they gaining from marriage?

This marriage thing get as e be. Why should a man be saddled with the responsibility of catering for another family when he was not responsible for having them?

Ah! Wahala go dey!

thank you, you have a wider thinking than most people here.

Icesnow:
In as much as you've got a point but this is just u generalising. Remember the Op didn't made mention that d wife has been demanding to gift her mum things. He only mentioned Xmas which means once a year. The op is very wrong and a bad inlaw. He could be a good father though buy he appears to me as a bad husband and an inlaw.

How is he wrong ?

writeprof:


You have been given a whole SEED, what do want again from those parents/elders apart from godly counsel and guidance.

GOD says it is compulsory.

Commonsense says it compulsory.

Human relations says it is compulsory.

Exodus 20:12 KJV
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Deuteronomy 5:16 KJV
Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Matthew 15:4 KJV
For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.

Matthew 19:19 KJV
Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Ephesians 6:2 KJV
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise

nigger pliz dont assume every lives according to the bible

the same bible says leave inheritance for your kids,

who has failed here tge kids or parents ?


Based on the story, who bad here son - in - law or the daughter who should think first of his/parents ?

Fountainofyouth:
90% Nigerian men are always entitled to their parents property, they never want to build or have theirs, smh.

whether you like it or not their are entitled what the point of having things cant your own kids cant have ?

Its only wiser to build your own if their are too may children, becoz that property becames small

This guy he is living with his mother and from
the point of it he might be primary carer to his mum or supervise the care of his mum so whats wrong with that?

babaYIBO:
Just saw a thread where a guy is complaining about his friend not telling him about the fact that he was building his house, and I see a lot of comments complaining condemning the said friend.

https://www.nairaland.com/7892469/he-completed-house-without-uttering

Funny how people exact same thing happened to me last year, this time it wasn’t a from a friend but a blood sister who I thought loved me the way I do for her.

This woman was building her house while pretending to everyone that she was broke.

Funniest thing is, few weeks to moving to us getting to know about the house, she was asking me to lend her 300k as she has plenty debts to pay. Almost sent her 100k, but then I remembered how she prefers to party with her women associates more than she’s willing to buy anything for my parents. This is someone that my dad built and opened shop for.

If a friend do this to me now, walahi I won’t be surprised.

you are mixing up things

1 she prefered to party than buying anything for your parents

2 she built a house with informing you


You are not entitled to know how she does with her things from start to end its up to her to inform whoever she wants at anytime,

I think you are just jelousy, through her partying she also managed to built her own house, may be not being able to buy anything for your parents it was her saving up, then partying what it was her friends sponsoring

Icesnow:
Many uncultured men. What is d world turning into? Its either the people are trolling with these comments or they are mentally deranged. May God protect us from evil me. There are 3 women important in a man's life. Treat these women right and see how life will be better for you. Your mother, wife and mother in law. Their prayers will go a long way in your life. Someone commented that the girl could not afford a bag of rice. What if she's presently not working due t relocation as she just got married or she's carrying a high risk pregnancy? If u love your wife, such love will be extended towards her family. It might not be monetary. You shouldn't be told to gift your mother in law and your mum Christmas gift. Let's try to be responsible and empathetic. We can do better as humans and d world will be a better place. When your mum innlaw is at peace with u, she won't even be able to influence her daughter negatively.

lets not rush to blame men

1 where is the husband of this mother in law ?

2 Where are the rest of the children of this mother-in- law ?

Lets nit rush to blame to judge the son-in- law without checking people who must be directly involved in the welfare of the mother in law

People have became lazy and greedy by making it as if its duty of the daughter/son in laws to do duties or roles when infact, the children/wife/hubby of that person and other relatives to look after their own. Daughter/son in laws are just a top up, of things that are supposed to be run by children/hubby/wife and blood relatives.

If the wife had said eg hubby me my sisters/brothers we have raised so much for mother is there anything you can top up with ? am sure hubby would for real top up

But unfortunately some wives think, her mums responsibility is now transfer to her husband, which wrong unless in special circumstances


Am not against looking after our own, but lets not be selfish in putting everything on your husband while your other siblings are not putting their heads together

DeLaRue:
It is good that you're putting money aside for the baby.

That said, your wife is carrying the baby and if she has pleaded with you to buy rice for her mum, you should consider doing it for your wife.

A good compromise will be to give your mother-in-law N30k cash in envelope or transfer instead of buying N60k bag of rice.

Another 30k to your mum too will bring everything to N60k.

Although that will go against your plan, it will please your wife and buy you peace.

the wife is selfish their are expecting a child, they need the money more than her mother, the mother can get presents from her other children

writeprof:


It's very compulsory you send something to your MOTHER and MOTHER IN LAW especially this Christmas season, EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE. BUT YOU EVEN HAVE. You don't need your wife to prompt you. It's part of what makes a married man, a responsible person. I did exactly that today. The amount is inconsequential but the results are what will make your marriage enjoyable. Please, be careful of not creating enemies for your unborn child, it's too early. I hope the way you were saying "my baby, my baby ' is not the way you talk even to your wife about the child. WISDOM IS PROFITABLE TO DIRECT. GOD BLESS YOU.

who said it its compulsory ?


A son/daughter in law never get anything in return

Adults/Elders lets also practice to return the favour lets exchange gifts not only receiving

edunaragold:
bro pls listen to me too,I already had kids and I swear I was on you shoes once ,pls if you love your baby,learn to sacrifice to her and keep it as an important record,your wife will later remind you when u have small issue,that u did not buy a bag for her,to justify the issues get her half bag and watch reactions ,think about it,you won't lose anything,what if that's the last favor her mom wish for ,do it ,for now divide your self now to pls both than pleasing them for a longer time,I give u my word ,u will be just fine,I wish I could rewind the hands of time but I did not I was too blind caring for my daughter,than my wife wish,what if her mom dies next yr or today Godforbid,at list u will know peace with the brothers ,that last yr u tried .pls 🙏 buy half to show u tried ,it won't take a blood out of u,and it will moltivate your wife too,pls listen to me, tomorrow make u self get mouth and respect for were her in-laws dey , double respect for u,next yr u won't buy ,now she is pregnant do it for the unborn baby, keep your mother inlaw incheck ,by using your wife advice as a chess pond to keep her mom eyes away from your marriage.

problem with most africans we rush to cover up bad character of elders/wife/hubby by doing things for the sake of peace without that their are actually rewarding bad behaviour from elders/wife or hubby

The men is right, he has equally made a decision that affects both side so is not biased he focused on his family and i support his decision

The mother-in- law can ask other kids for help period

Klass99:
In Nigeria, Naija men say blood is thicker than water and a wife is not your blood. Why on earth will you want to lay claim to a wife's inheritance? What happened to the inheritance from your own blood relatives na? The one from your father/parents in particular?

Jokes apart, it doesn't feel right to lay claim to anyone's inheritance by virtue of marriage or a spousal relationship alone. If your spouse has a good heart and a decent soul, they will share a portion of their inheritance with you or use it in ways that benefits you, without you dragging their inheritance with them or forming head of house, on top of money that is not your own.

Will I share my inheritance with a Naija husband? That depends largely on how he has treated me in the course of our marriage. People will often respond to you the way you treat them........ and I personally like giving people a dose of their own medicine. 😝

i give respect to you, you understand interitance usually its not about hubby or wife benefit its usually bloodline and grand kids or great great kids

the only difference is that inheritance is subject to tax when you receive it

caco:
Greetings all,
I stumbed on this https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/personalfinance/we-went-through-all-of-my-401-k-investments-i-lost-my-job-then-my-home-do-i-have-any-claim-to-my-wife-s-200-000-inheritance/ar-AA1lcaXE?ocid=NL_ENUS_A1_00010101_1_1 titled "‘We went through all of my 401(k) investments’: I lost my job, then my home. Do I have any claim to my wife’s $200,000 inheritance?"

My question is, if this happens to anyone in a similar scenario in Nigeria (or your country, if different) how does this play out or is resolved.

Have a blessed weekend.

its a complex issue becoz there is lot of information missing

if she is inheriting from family trust aka family trust from her family aka wife's family trust, hubby has no cent on it accept the kids usually under grant kids


eg the same a man kan a family trust whereby anyone bearing the man's family can inherit meaning wives who are married into that family wont inherit

Aabheaven:
you missed the message guy, so if both are playing their roles why is the mother more appreciated whereas the father's play the largest part. Please think through this time and give a response

Read the headline of the thread its says sacrifices,

What sacrifice is there when its their duty ? whether wife/husband is not in the picture its doesnt change the responsibility of a parent

Aabheaven:
You people hate your fathers. Stop the "he wasn't present" BS

300 level, there was no money at home, I couldn't pay fees or lodge rent. My dad was getting depressed but tried to hide it.

A few days to resumption, he and I drove to his friend's house by 8pm. The man was at a meeting, but we waited till 9/10 thereabouts.

When he was done, he attended to us. I suspected the reason we were there, but it had never happened before and didn't think it would.

My beloved father said to his friend:

"My son will be resuming school next week. For now I don't have any money to send him back. Look at him here. Please lend me Bleep amount; I'll repay as soon as I get it. He's in 300 level. He has 2 years to go."

I wept inside because I had to witness my dad borrow money to send me back to school.

A lot of you come to talk bullshit about your dads, about how he didn't bond and other stupid things.

If your fathers had carried you to the places they went to earn, borrow or beg for money, you wouldn't say they didn't turn up for you.

I understand how easy it is to fall into mummy's bosom and never crawl out. But you think provision is just dropping money in accounts and in mummy's lap?

Do you know how that money was gotten? Do you know how many people didn't go to school because their father's died?

Bleep bonding! Bleep being present!!

All I needed from my father was being alive to provide for me. I didn't need him toiling around the house and gisting with me.

Many of my friends lost their fathers at an early age. I was praying everyday for my dad to come back home. That was the only form of presence I needed.

Shame on you if you become successful and abandon your father because of stupid emotional crap. Especially when you're a man.

there we go again with the misunderstood word Sacrifice

Its not a SACRIFICE from a parent to look after his children, its his/her duty and no one else. You cant claim sacrifice on this you are meant to be doing, You only sacrifice on this that were put across you by someone's action

Your own kids its your duty both by nature and law

Magnoliaa:


My point is as clear as daylight.


You can sacrifice something (a body and a life potentially, in this case) even for something you want and desire.


There is no where in the definition of sacrifice that says that it has to be for something unwanted. You can make a sacrifice for something you wish for.

If you do not get this, I'm sorry I can't help you no more.

Have a good day.

sacrifice against what when you also want the same thing?

if you say you sacrifice based on your plans eg happy want kids soo after you marry and u as the wife u want to go to uni then i agree


But in general sense you want children and he wants children to and u get pregnant and then pull the card to say i sacrifice to give birth then i say NO

My point is by nature as women if you want kids their is no two ways your life is at risky when giving birth so there is nothing to sacrifice becoz either way its nature thats the only way to have kids your body will change etc and labour will be there

Magnoliaa:


What's this nonsense??

Did you not quote me? Abeg, get this shìt off the road.

Mtcheeeewwww.

anyway didnt you notice the link between high maternal death in nigeria and the idea being pushed by some women. when they say giving birth is a sacrifice ?

Magnoliaa:


This is an example of a sentence from the online Cambridge dictionary.

This is 'sacrifice' used to refer to a free time. It is not only a word used in a religious or ritualistic sense.

To give something in exchange for something else or to give up something for the sake of another (thing) is sacrificial.

your point ? are you saying women are sacrificing her time to give birth ? when herself whats kids too ?

My question reminds if the woman also wants children, what has she exchange for ? to give time to have kids ? when she also wants children

Magnoliaa:


Are we discussing causes of deaths here? Are there not reasons why men die in other hard jobs, too? Are the figures not higher in developing countries than otherwise? Aside from preventable reasons, pregnancy also carries an inherent danger. And I just checked, even though working on an oil rig is inherently dangerous, too, its deaths are preventable! Yes, including gas explosions. Again, don't take my word for it. Feel free to confirm for yourself.

So at the end of the day, more women die from pregnancy complications, higher than for any other job(s) on earth. Mind you, high-income countries also record a staggering number of maternal deaths, but I am not going into that.


It is a sacrifice - deciding to do something that could result in life or death, inspite of any health care system, and being aware of that fact, is. It doesn't even matter, whether due to structural illiteracy or personal ignorance or social conformity is the reason why some women plunge headfirst into getting pregnant without not making sure their backs are well-covered, the fact of their act and its meaning/definition isn't changed.

Everytime you decide to travel, you're SACRIFICING your assured safety and comfort and putting your life in the hands of a driver, pilot or sailor, and trusting in their professional judgment. If you need to crosscheck between Macmillan, Collins, Oxford, Merriam-Webster and Cambridge dictionaries to understand the meaning of "sacrifice", still feel free to do so.

you missed my point and failed to see that i was responding to someone, not directly to the thread


i was responding to someone who raised maternal death rates, which making some women think their are sacrificing themselve to give birth

Of which most people are saying, you cant not claim to sacrifice to have kids when you also want them

Magnoliaa:


What is the point of this whataboutism?


And let us even play a little 'game' of numbers, even though it involves actual lives: I triple dare you to go and look at the death of oil rig workers in FIVE COUNTRIES put together in A YEAR, and compare it to maternal deaths DAILY, 2 deaths every fuvking minute—e nor reach!

I will be waiting.


The way you people will just be whipping up oil rig workers in every biases you have against women when ON AVERAGE, dem nor dey pass 50 people wey dey die. In a fuçking year.

Don't take my word for it; go and check.

And finally, do you know the meaning of sacrifice at all, seeing as that is the point the OP is making?

You are missing one thing, maternal death is mostly due to poor health systems of individual countries

Do more research you will see that high maternal rates are from most poor countries

According to some google facts Nigeria is number 3


So what you think is a sacrifice is not, your fear is due to poor health system that puts women at risky

Simeonjoe1:


Well that the African way also South America too in fact most part of the world.
The most prosperous in the family will always pay his taxes to the family. In western system its paid to the government who in turn invest in other areas but here you pay into your family. That's the woven of our society, don't be deceive to fully adopt an alienated concept that will cause division between you and your family and its extension because they won't see it as such.

you got no idea of whay you are talking about, you talk without thinking deep, using your concept cant you see that s/he would be double taxed by both family and government

Simeonjoe1:


There's nothing wrong with black tax. And Nigerians are not dangerous people, infact we are one of the best. Why then are Nigerians bad? Because of our hard socioeconomic climate. Bad economy brings the worst and desperation in people hence Nigeria factor.

The abroad you mentioned, men earned way more than women, men contribute way more in the family than women (its never 50/50, a research even shows that men contributed 70% to household finances in the US, and in some 100%).
This shows even in advance society men will always contribute more financially, that's why the advocacy for equal gender pay is still a touching stone.

Make God just provide for everybody (all men out there). Nature is never fair to men. Men are created to toil and suffer for others before you'll even consider yourself.

do you understand black tax, black tax is wrong eg its not the duty of the 1st child to send his young brothers to skol, its the parents, lets plan the children we want to have against our productive years meaning your own sweat sends your own children to skol not another child

translux:
Any Husband that is asking the wife for what she's bringing to the table isn't yet matured for a marriage, This is the 14th year that I got married to my wife and for the fact that I have been footing 100 percent of the bills till date, I have never for a day asked my wife for what she's bringing to the table, for the facts that we have somany responsibilities, I aways encourage her in the past that things will get better with time but we thank God Almighty that he has blessed our marriage with everything in life.

one ask such becoz the woman would be demanding what herself cant even provide

eg how many women wants a man who drives a range rover but her self cant even afford the cheapest car ger own parent doesnt even own a wheelbarrow

There is nothing wrong to aim high, but aim for things you are able to sustain as individual