Octopusssy:

Be that as it may, she is an elder and the mother of his wife. Will he talk to his own mother like that? There are more tactful ways to handle intrusive in-laws

lets say he talks like that to his mother does it change the behaviour of the mother in law?

Whether he said it nicely or not it would just backfire on him

The mother in law should know better, does her own mother in laws visits her daily?

Lets not be biased and also protected bad habits from elders

victorVIC1:


Let's be real here. These are just excuses. When kids come along, OP will also need to adjust his intimacy accordingly. I think the key thing here is the manner of communication. You can always express grievances but the manner in which you do express them matters a lot

when say accordingly, you mean according to how she visits? are you crazy

Octopusssy:
Op is one hell of a rude fellow

he might be

but mother in law is also bad she should know better

bukatyne:
Men are often advised to fast and pray for their wives. You might not just find such advice a lot on NL which gladly is not the entire universe.

Besides, most of the men prescribing the 'pray & fast' are not doing it from a religious standpoint; it is from a cultural/traditional standpoint. Such a man might most likely support male adultery/polygamy etc which tells you he is not a child of God or follower of Jesus aka Christian.

If you go to the right quarters (where Christian men gather), you would hear that advise often. You would also see men who testified to it working for them.

It is just like looking for advise to be a good investor in the casino.

i think you missed the main point

with most women whether religious or not their are advised to pray or their husbands

while on on men, it usually its those already going to church

I think the reason most men are not advised to pray and fast its becoz by nature and culture/tradition we are taught to be hand on, on the problem that waiting for god to change your sitaution

Men we approach problems from physcial point of viewing doing the work with our hands, thats the reason you find that some men end up hitting their wives, when he is overwhelmed by questions, the only answer is tranfered to physicall hitting the woman

MumEmdy:
@op are you still in honey moon, why are you always at home to notice your mother in-law daily visit don't you and wife go to work or are you a stay@home couple??

I am not trying to justify her frequent visit to your home but your manner of approach is wrong, you should have come here to seek for advice on how to stop her instead.

I doubt if your mother in-law will ever be free with you or at your place again. She will read different meaning to that

good question on how he notices her frequent visits but let me put a scenario

he does a 9-5 job

so he get home around 6 and he is Hot and
wants a quicky if mother in law is around it has to be delayed to bed time, i would be pissed if mother in law is there neary everyday

Or eg she is always there every week, may be hubby wants to spend more time in bed etc

Stephen2324:
Life humbled many parents who thought their children were better than other people's children when growing up.

the problem with many parents is they provide their kids with material things that their own parent didnt provide for them and in that they forget to teach or pass on information that their parents failed to pass

Therefore their kids will likely to
do the same mistakes like their parents and important teachings were never passed on

So teach your kids important things that your parents failed teach you

MrBrownJay1:


my job as a parent is to make sure that my child is safe/comfortable at all times....but hey, if after 20yrs of raising your child, you will abandon her with a total stranger, without making sure that she is ok in her new married life, then so be. to each their own.

1 abandon ? you are crazy then why did you allow her to marry that person ?

2 if you feel that you need to check on her everyday it means you didnt teach well in picking the right partner for herself

MrBrownJay1:


if i raised my child for +20yrs, fed, clothe, sheltered and educated her all this time... i think i have the right to see her even every hr if i wish to do so. if she just got married then i want to make sure that she is good in her new life. a parent visiting his child once a day is not wrong (maybe just a bit excessive), and unless the visit would hinder their r/ship, i dont see anything wrong here....thus the above question.

fair enough thats you

some people dont like it

Jovialjune1:



Focus on the purpose of this thread, Op asked if the way he talked to his mother in law is right or not, he is wrong, he wouldn't like it if his wife talks to his mother like that, what the mother did or didn't do is irrelevant at this point.

Look at this either way whether he talked nicely or not 99% most people would say he is wrong, like in this case most people are saying its wrong not to let in laws visit, so even he had said nicely he wouldnt win

for me most people are focusing on the wrong direct aka how the guy said it, the main issue here is the mother in law everyday visit, she should know better

MrBrownJay1:


ok lets be OPEN MINDED here and pretend we were the parents, and ask the op:
- WHATS SO WRONG IN YOUR IN LAWS VISITING? WHAT PRIVACY INFRINGEMENT ARE YOU ON ABOUT? CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC ABOUT HOW IT AFFECTS YOUR UNION?!
... because i dont see/understand it.

him can explain further but remember he said she visits nearly everyday

she wouldnt quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or atleast every other day

Jovialjune1:



Use your brain and understand

Op does not have the right to talk to his mother in law like that, you do not get to be condescending to a woman that gave birth to your wife, because you would not like it if your wife talk to your own mother like that.

there is nothing to use brains for here

lets notr try to protect bad behaviour irregardless how he talked to his mother in law, who should be more matured here ? the mother in law should know better to stay away from the new married

the same applies to my mom, if my mum is regular visiting me my wife will feel abit of an outsider or she being regulary monitored

mother in law should respect the marriage by letting them free

MrBrownJay1:


as much as you are right about the above, it certainly doesnt make any difference whether her parents came over or not.... unless you are trying to make her do something wrong. why would you be against her parents coming over, if you were doing something RIGHT. its not like the parents are gonna interfere in their marriage (unless you are abusing her etc), is it?

why is it suddenly so wrong if parents came over? i dont get it... so if your parents came over, your spouse wont understand/listen to you any longer? how?

remember its not about your and your exprience its about him, he has noticed regular visits and he is not happy about them

Jovialjune1:



Who is stopping you from enjoying your wife? We will do the reverse because you manboys don't like hearing the truth, if your wife does same you must be nice and dandy, then accept it with your full chest.

Even if the mother in law isn't correct, why will you have the guts to talk to her like that? Or didn't you see the nonsense way Op said he talked to her? What kind of disrespect is that? An old woman that can give birth to him, an old woman that can curse him and it will stand, didn't Op know the wife is attached to her mum before he married her? You people should learn to use your tongue to count your teeth.

you are missing the point the fact that the guy noticed the regular visits and talked to her it means to him that he is not happy, simple

so yes mother in law is stopping him to enjoy his wife

Jovialjune1:



Nice one

If reverse was the case, where by your wife does same to your mother, she is well within her rights to say it.

lets not try to do the reverse thing lets focus on the issue at hand

was the mother in law correct? let me enjoy my wife

MrBrownJay1:


so you believe it is wrong for a parent to not trust you and check up on their daughters? there is no such thing as "intrusion of your privacy".... just because you marry someone, doesnt mean you got the right to stop parents from checking on their children.

what have you got to hide? why are you so afraid of parents coming to check up on their daughters? what so wrong in the act? what privacy are you even talking about? if these parents trusted you as a man and/or the wellbeing of their daughter, probably they wouldnt check on their daughter so often.

i beg to differ

New married people should left alone to find their own feet, in doing things and understanding each other, understanding each based on their character and behaviour not based on what you were taught. Every man and woman differ it is important to understand each other not based on what parents says but based on what you see and do to each other

Have you ever noticed that the 1st of years of marriage is power struggle, the guy want wife to cook like his mother and the wife wants hubby to behave like her father hence usaully its power struggle indirect

Parents should visit once in while

abbey621:


A wise man once said, everybody has a plan until you get punched in the jaw! I'll keep referring to the American way of raising a child vs the African way, with all things equal, you cannot possibly say just talking or communicating gets the job done, evidence points to otherwise, from drug abuse to juvenile sex and gun violence.

Kids needs to understand Newton's third law of motion, ACTIONS & CONSEQUENCES! For most people it involves communicating that if you behave well there are rewards, if you misbehave there are consequences. Consequences can vary just as rewards, a child that knows that the worst you can do is take away their privilege such as phone, going outside etc., that child can determine that the risk is worth it but a child that knows that wa fe ku ni ale yi(Serious flogging) if he or she misbehaves, OMO that fear alone keeps them within boundaries until they are 18, after 18 he or she can do whatever!

These are not just words, these are time tested way of raising children and it is evident when we compare the stat of children abroad to children in Nigeria with all things equal, the average Nigerian kid will dust the average American or British kid in terms of education, discipline and overall morality! Until this changes, I'll prefer the wisdom of experience over cheap talk!

i agree with you on action and consequences the problem with most africans, we dont explain in details, therefore our kids dont understand their own action

eg a child sometimes is not allowed to explain his/her action becoz s/he is not allowed to explain him/her regardless his/her point of view is useless

untill us parent let out children explain i their own reasoning we will never understand how they think and u will able to guide them based on their individual thinking

unfortunately most african cultures doesnt allow children to explain themselves regardless whether they make sense or not

the most common phrase used by children o the western is " why" therlir asking for your reason/s

the ideak is

mabea:
I would have agreed completely with you but then part of the judgement cited a text message sent to the wife and the child. Who could have revealed it if not the wife.

i dont know which part you read but start from when she comes back after two days and take the child to the hospitail

Remember am also i know the system inlive in the UK

when the father was interviewed he denied strucking the child, but then how does he explain the bruises when he was the adult in the house

eddynaira125:
Since the mother is from Nigeria, I think they would have settle this issue amicably within their self

I can never allow my wife to go to prison no matter her offense, I will do everything within my power even though it will cost heavily, I believe that there are other ways for me to pass out the purnishment


Though from the write up the woman is tire of the marriage, but she is looking for a better avenue to silent the man, which have finally come to pass,

Bravo 👏👏👏👏

And to the child, welcome to a world of waywardness, you will be wayward to the fullest


In the nearest future, that child will either kill the mother or the soon to be Step Father

The mother finally die of HBP or body shaming which will be duly carry out by Nigerians within her Neighborhood

The man will gain freedom, and return to a place of freedom and happiness

it doesnt work like that here

what i mean is this, if the child reports thats it, who ever did the act is in trouble with authority

In this case the mum had to explain the bruises at the hospital, most likely she failed to explain the bruise at the hospital

here kids are protected any bruise that takes a child to hospital u are i trouble

godliman:
Nigerian women who copy European women will end up like them. Old haggard English women come for sex tourism in Gambia, they pay young Gambian gigolos to sleep with them. If you ask me I think that is how the story ends. An old hag traveling abroad where nobody knows her to pay her grand child for sex. It stinks. God bless our grannies who stay decades with their husbands.

thats the power men dont want

but men havr been doing that for years and no one moans about it

torqque7:


This gender needs the steady guidance of Men because they are incapable of logical reasoning,they attach Emotions to EVERYTHING hence making decisions that produces bad and disastrous results.

Imagine leaving your husband because he cheated on her only to go and be a desperate side chick to another married man who doesn’t give a damn about her emotions unlike her ex husband and they will now start trying to get the man to leave his wife and marry them instead.

Some go and become a intimacy gadget to one small boy paying him heavily for sex and desperately hoping they don’t disgust the young man and they now endup kissing his ass and worshiping the ground he walks on are ready to move mountains to get him to ignore younger women and love them only,which is IMPOSSIBLE AND CAN NEVER HAPPEN so eventually they make peace with the situation while begging him daily with bribes on a regular to get him to forget other women who they clearly know are very much in the young mans life and fvcking him as well.

Funny thing is if you investigate you will discover they did not put in half the effort in trying to make their marriage work.

thats the otherside but lets also not forget that the other side we have women to really need that divorce as the hubbys were not good in any form

Unfortunately for some society and religion divorced is shun apon, while most women die in their hands of their hubbys either physical violent or being pass on HIV and die

ComeToJesus:



Useless women. Th men are lucky to escape from these ones. These weren't wives ab initio.


The people celebrating and initiating them are codedly herding some of them into lesbianism and other perversions.

why would call them useless, its called each to their own they understand each other's journey

nothinh wronh with that the same
with widows they can have their own members club becoz they understand
each other loss

t2luv1:


Even in America, nothing is 50:50 unless both of you use joint bank accounts (Something I will strongly advise against doing). In all my years of living in the USA whenever a woman makes more than her husband trust me on this one aspect Nigeria women are still better as compared to American women. They still tend to respect their husband, but American women forget about it she rules.

Every woman is shaped by her environment aka her society, if you do research you will find why those women are like that.

The women in every society act and behave according to their environment as an outersider its easy to pick negatives but the most important aspect of the puzzle is trying to understand the history behind such and circumstances which made them
who they are

For example why most nigerians girls about while why south african girls have kids even at young age

wonder233:
The simple reason is that the UK, like most places in the west is a place of freedom and economic empowerment especially for females. This brings out the true nature of Nigerian females who have been married purely for economic reasons which originates from vacuous trado-religious beliefs.
So a lady who sees it as an anathema for a woman to earn money is suddenly in a clime where she earns her own money at par or even more than the man. She automatically disregards him and leaps to the new found freedom of sleeping around with different men, which has always been their true nature, but are forced to conceal with false modesty cos of the conservative Nigerian society

i agree on the 1st part economic empowerment but disagree on disregards him

to me its change of balance of power most women will disregard him becoz he was was the same while in nigeria or africa

In zimbabwe we say " its all good when a leopard drag other animal through the mud, but when other animals drag it, it cries over spoiling its beautiful spots" in simple terms most men who cry being disregarded are just facing what they used to do to those wives. where did she learn it from ? from him back home

the question is where did those women learn that behaviour from ? the answer is from their husbands

justli:


Casting pearls on pigs is likeable to impacting wisdom on fools.

i striked the nerve

micxwell:
"You know what they say about 'what is worth doing?' If you're going to write, make sure to put out a well-written piece. You had good points in there, that's why I assumed your screen might be bad. Please note that I didn't mean to insult you."

nigga pliz this is social interaction not interview

go and teach primary kids

justli:


100%.

i guess each time your father went clubbing was cheating on your mum

or each time you go clubbing you are cheating on wife

Most men who are anti clubbing with wives are

1 afraid that the wife will do like what they do

2 it reflects on types of places they go

3 No knowledge of better and nice clubs to take a woman

in simple terms you can not take a woman to KFC or Mcdonalds for a romantic dinner , its the same going clubbing with wife, get to no nice clubs thats civilised for couples

bigiyaro:
I don't do religion, am not judging anybody, the thing is, just as Islam is synonymous with suicide bombing, clubbing, smoking, drinking and fonicating, all these also go hand in hand.

my point was and is, we shouldnt point everyone with same brush becoz of general assumption

wide wide nigerians are also known for fraud, but does it mean we can find honest nigerian people around the world and nigeria ?

Oyomesiile:


I no dey talk again.

has dangote stopped selling his products becoz of level of proverty? He is actually building new factories based on projection he sees in those poverty people

Are people stopping going to school becoz their are not jobs ?

syntekelite:


I dont understand..he said he is paying property tax meaning he owns a home there..you are telling him to move to another cheaper city..how is that correlated.. mind you we are both assuming the op is being truthful .. is he going to carry his home with osuka to the other city?? Maybe am missing something here..cos you dont pay property tax on rented homes..

he doesnt own a house, he is newbee in US he crying over property tax, if u read again he said he is paying property tax when he is not owning the house, the guy doesnt understand the western system of property tax

here in UK its called council tax, when youe own the house or not u pay it, what differs only if you are a tenant and the property is registered to renting out, the sitting tenant will pay the council tax in their own name than the landlords, then some landlord the tax would be included on yout rent

if he owns the house, he wouldnt be crying over property tax as his mortagage was higher than that

So this guy is ranting allover property tax and child support

bigiyaro:
you are right, it's the character and behavior of the person that matters, and that is why you will never find oyedepo clubbing. So am telling you that fonicators and drunks often go to the club cos that is the character and behavior of a fonicator/drunk.

and in churches you still thieves, cheaters and those who abort

the problem with most africans, we find clubing as bad black becoz we have never been to a good club and we think every club is the same,