₦airaland Forum

3kay945:
Thanks for the robust response to that post. I share same thought with you but wasn't interested in responding to the post.

You are welcome

thats the main reason why africans we are poor

1 we invest in wrong things kids must be raised not invested in as returns

2 we should learn that raising your own kids is must, not favour or sacrifice

3 learn to invest in things that return your own money over time, not a human being that can change its mind, here we talk of properties and shares etc

4 If you raise them well there will be there for you but if you raise them using the words i sacrificed for you or as if you are doing them a favour they might not like you in the end becoz they didnt ask to be born

Klass99:
Lmao 🤣. I feel you and I agree with this. Parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to reap the benefits as it is with children.

in my work you got a wrong mindset when it comes to raising kids

there is nothing called Sacrifice when it comes to raising your own children, its your duty both by nature and law, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to be doing aka raising your own kids

the only people who deserve to use that word is those looking after othet people's kids yes they sacrifice there time and money becoz it wasnt there responsiblility

Kids are not investment why becoz they can have their own mind, your money and properties are the right investment they can
never have their own mind hence they will work according to your wish

Saying parents sacrificed is like giving yourself a medal for breathing, if you want to live you must breath so u can not give yoself a medal

Same with kids we bear, its our duty and responsibility no one else so dont congrats your self for something you are meant to be doing

the moment we accept that it is our duty to look after we children the better we dont see them as investments but just raising a human being and hoping that they will be better than you in achievement

We are poor becoz we confuse investment and responsibility of raising children. The two are totally different but most africans make them one thing

what If all your kids die before you? when u viewed them as investment, a property will look after you same with shares etc

Having the mindset of investment is wrong you will end up thinking that you are doing a favour to your children when in reality it is actually your duty and no one else

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

People always have the wrong idea when one goes abroad

Let me ask you the basic

1 does your sister have papers there?

2 When was the last time she was home
visiting?

3 When she finished her master was she offered job and got the right papers

4 sometimes people lie to
people back home, not knowing that the person is illegal there one is limited to type of jobs and progression in lifeb

Until those questions are answered then we might look into your sister's attitude

Darkestking:
A 30 and above woman isn't as attractive, isn't young and full of life. I'm not marrying my sister. I don't owe these random woman anything so why would I marry an old woman?

fair enough, you only see the world in your own tunnel vision, am sure you are below 30 hence you see 30 as being old

am 47 i see 30s being young and attactive and i see the world with much wider view than seeing from a tunnel vision

You missed my point when i used the sister as example, the point is if it is your own sister who is said to be too old marry, you would disagree becoz you want to her happy in her own marriage regardless her age. simple meaning regardless age we all want to be married

Darkestking:
Why would anyone marry a 30-35 year old woman? Okay she has sexually matured and weve romantically matured and realized that marriage is pointless. It's better to just date her and have fun chopping where were both sexually mature.

You got me wrong i did mean waiting
to marry a 30 and above woman for maturing etc

the maturing talking is while she is marriage



whats wrong with marrying a 30 and above women ? if it was your sister would you have the same attitude of women of that age ?

sharone21:
When u marry too early /early, eg the man is 25 years, 50 years of marriage he is 75years old...... The years of marriage looks huge and may bring less excitement and quick boredom...Unlike a man who married at 35 years, 40 years of marriage is still manageable....

All in all, don't let the flame in marriage to go off.

from few studies marrying early has s bit disadvantage

usually you would be young doing things as duty/ as expected eg give him sex as long he wants it

while hubby is also busy doing it for rounds aka i do 5 rounds (beer talk with friends) instead do it satify the wive too

so eg girl get married at 20 the guy is 25

by the time she gets 30 she would have matured to understand her sexual needs and her body etc sex by then she nolonger do it as duty but desire too and the 10 year would have built self confidence of sex desire etc

For me the sex of early marriage years is more of duty (women), self praising (men)
i agree 35 and above brings in a bit of exprience and confidence

Women mature sexual at above 35, mature i mean having confidence in what they want sexually than just waiting for hubby to initiate etc

Poverty can kill sex drive, if you are poor living hand to mouth sex is the last thing in your mind

SoaringLife01:
This happen when one is an ardent Mills & Boon novels fan.

not really

let give you an example do you know that, the house you live in will determine your the type of se.x you have as couple

eg if you are living in a one room accomadation, your wife might worry about moaning becoz she doesnt want people in the next room hear her therefore during sex she would be worried much than enjoying

A couple with a proper eg 5 bedroom
house can afford to create a candle light romantic atmosphere in the bedroom and they wont be worried about people next door

so being romantic can be roughly influenced by

1 how you were raised and learnt being romantic

2 by the environment you are current in

3 by your own wishes and fantacies

one's wish and fantancy doesnt make it wrong becoz you also have your own wishes and fantacies, does that make them wrong ?

efficiencie:
Why is affirming a person's mental condition considered a cure to that condition? First it was transgender. Now it is transage, transrace and transspecies. A 12 year old can identify as a 30 year old and justify drinking alcohol, having sex and driving a car. Thus destroying the age of consent. A man of African descent can identify as a Caucasian of European descent and demand that he be handed a UK passport. Laidis naija go empy cos everybody go identify as Canadian. Thus destroying the relevance of passports and national sovereignty. A man can identify as he goat and justify having sex with a she goat while a woman can identify as a female horse and spread her legs for a male horse. Soon enough human/animal sperm will start fertilizing all kinds of animals/humans thus producing all kinds of chimera and monsters.

They are so prosperous so they do not need God and their new deity is trans. Soon this perversion, which the Bible refers to as the abomination that causes desolation, will envelop the West totally. I pity the Christians there. The mass extermination of Christians may start very soon in the West. Christians beware.

Human can only fertilise humans nothing else may be the close a human might fertilise are primemats

GetMeRight:
Three kids in this Nigerian economy with two adults to feed and cater for, but the issue is the husband not being romantic? Lol.
Must we kill ourselves to make someone happy? Someone who is just looking for a flimsy excuse to do what she's determined to do!
BTW: why ignoring? Something is fueling that cravings, right? But we must pretend like it is not there? Okay.

why are rushing to say "must we kill ourseves to make someone happy"

in this case, one should reflect on what they have done or tried in their own capacity and if questioned they point at what they have done

Hubby didnt disclose what he has dobe romatically for past 10 years so we can not full say hubby is wrong what if done what he thinks is being romantic while wife doesnt see it that way

Eg hubby buys flowers, while wife wants spend a night in a hotel with a good meal

GetMeRight:
The this issue is going, it is not simple anymore. The relationship might be heading towards the rock going by want the wife is saying and wants

The wife wants him to be romantic period and nothing more, of cause i understand that our brothers ego might have been bruised, but this is were he needs his own reflection on how he has been really romantic both in his own defination and wife's

If i was him i would ask wife how she wants him to be romantic very simple in my own world

GetMeRight:
Telling her husband that he's not romantic after 10 years of marriage! As if that's not enough, now she wants to pierce, get ankle chains, get tattoos and so on. How does these things related to her husband not being romantic?

why worry about things that havent happened, than focus on things thats have been said

Time doesnt matter 10 years or not, definately she has been either putting up with it or may be busy making hubby happy than also focusing on her own needs

Have every heard of women pretending, eg faking orgasm ? its becoz they put up with it

Do you realise that the first 5 years of marriage, is run by what one really wished (dream marriage) for before they got married than actually understanding your wife/hubby

You would be wanting your wife/hubby to be the perfect hubby/wife you have in your heard as time goes by to start to learn who your wife/hubby is really is

Thats the reason sometime husbands fight with wives, or vice versa each partner is saying my wife should be like this/my hubby should be like this, we tend to like to change them for the person we have in our minds than accepting who they really are

snthesis:
Got a shocker recently, my wife suddenly says i am not romantic after 10years of marriage and having 3 children... should i be worried
we got married young and she now in her early 30s

p.s
she now wants to get a tattoo, piercing. waistbeads and wear leg chain

To make it easier can you tell us what you have done to your wife which is romantic in your own world of being romantic

Lets take away dates that are on the calendar becoz you can be easily forced to remember them and do something

i want something you did with your own will, love, affection, and appretition of your wife

PDJT:
-I don't care what women over 33 years do with their lives. I care about my fellow man's dignity and respect. He must protect himself going forward. His supposed wife has being made too comfortable as all her needs have been meant by OP and now she is unto her "I want this, I want that state. So OP should let her enter street as soon as possible. She must collect from the street.

-There are loads of younger women (18 - 25 years) out there whose needs OP can meet at this difficult time. And OP will be better off for it. When a woman is done, she is done. You must let her fly the nest to go explore the other side of the divide and taste the street waters.

-So, I say Mr. OP; please take this opportunity with both hands and run with it. Go and marry another woman for your mental and physical health. Because if you fall for the gimmick of that your so-called wife, then you are gone forever. Bring back order to your life and don't let feminine chaos rule over you. Like I said earlier, if you need further assistance my DM is always open.

remember we are just sharing our point of views as individual, to you that how you solve that issue, to me i got a different approach

like i said getting a new wife, wont solve hiis issue if he is really unromantic

He needs a self reflection eg by asking wife the specific thats the wife view as not being romantic and he reflects on it and
see if he willing to change

in simple terms both can chat on things that each other think are lacking each other's sife

harmony75:
Wawu after 3 kids she now want to be stupid you better talk to her and invite her family to talk sense into her. When as an adult you should be getting more maturity!?

Really, do you really need to invite her family for a simple thing like this ?

1 why always call family when you can directly talk to hubby or wife? lets be wise to be able to sort problems before anyone

2 the maturity is that she has talk directly of areas hubby next to improve

3 lets not be biased by gender hubby can say the same eg wife wearing those fully covering dress that hides the curves of a woman, wife can nolonget look sexy in those clothes hubby can say the same to wife to dress better

PDJT:
-You think we are all kids here. .

-Mr. OP this is your chance to restore order in your home and life. Go and marry another younger wife (18 - 25 years) for your sanity and old age. DM me if you need any assistance. A woman of over 33 is already becoming a Mother Hen. Let her enter street, men of the street can't wait to welcome her.
-Look after yourself man, and be very selfish about it.

Marrying a new wife wont address his issue, the same 18-25 yr old will mature and find him unromantic

Women from 33 and above tend to be more self aware and confident of who they have became hence this guy's wife have come out open to tell hubby of his shortcomings

EriMma1:
I'm not being negative but realistic. Don't get me wrong.

Marriage can only be sweet when there's enough money to meet your needs. I don't know if that's what your definition of " thriving" is. A situation where it's "thriving" in lack of funds or not enough, just know that it's endurance. Many are smiling in the face of adversity hardship and hope against hope.

Again, I'm not being negative.

There is also thriving from people's eye (those who see from outside) eg a woman married to a rich person and she every material thing u can thing of but in the home the hubby has no love he is abuser and womaniser, then the thriving within one's heart where everything is perfect to your own personal point of view

Berrityga:
oga mi. When your with someone for long you get used to the things they do, and you crave a new adventure. The lady just wants a new adventure. You can't tell me the man doesn't buy suya, and other things when coming home, you can't tell me he doesn't give her money or buy her new things. Fear Nigerian women. They are never contented.

my respond was towards the words divorce, there is no need to even mention the word divorce

Berrityga:
Thats why divorce is an option. If you both are tired get a divorce so our data can rest mbok.

You missed the actual point, wife didnt not say she nolonger loves husband, she simply said he is not romantic, being romantic for example buying her gifts, like as simple as roses, even teady bear, or openly showing affection for his wife

There are many ways of being romantic and being romantic differ from person to person but the goal is showing love affection towards the other person by doing things they love

Lovilla:
That is too bad of her

Just give her time, she will change

she will change? who is supposed to change ?
Hubby is the one who is supposed to change to be romantic

Dearlove2me:
Legal practitioners in the house?
Experienced people in the house,
Pls, help out with this informations.
What rightful, peaceful way can one divorce a partner without violence?
For a marriage of three years, how can one go about with divorce?
What are the procedures and duration?
How can one do it without turning to an enemy, but just move on In a separate direction?
Thank you

the type of marriage you have will determine the right way to divorce eg a civil marriage needs the courts and traditional way needs traditonal way eg informing and gathering of two families

How one reacts to the divorce its self and sharing of properties will determine how peaceful it will be

Wodu89:
You're jumping just to argue. Go and read my initial comments

You are the one jumping

You said DIVORCE CAN BE TURNED DOWN and my argument started from there, that no STATE can turn down a divorce, state follows the wishes of one who files

ONLY WHEN THE COUPLE AMENDS THINGS AND AGREE TO SORT THINGS OUT THEN PROCEDINGS FOR DIVORCE ARE CANCELLED

Wodu89:
Oga. Speak with lawyers and confirm. Not all divorce proceedings ends up in divorce. They may go seperated but it's not always a 90% deal that divorces ends in divorce by the court. Go and do your research. I'm not speaking without deep research

Like i said you are confused, is it i said you are given time to rethink your decision towards divorce

You were sounding as if the STATE its self wont grant you divorce, whereas its the couple's decision stop the divorce application

Its STATE stops the application after the couple has made the decision not to prosed not the other way round

My correction was on when you said DIVORCE CAN BE TURNED DOWN

Wodu89:
You're wrong. Divorce proceedings are never 100% go and do your research

NO nation in the world forces people to remain married after a divorce application you are granted a seperation period or it takes long to be fully granted due usually complex issue of wealth

You are confusing not being granted divorce as one wishes against formal process etc and being refused, those are two different things

since you have research and found many of those copy and paste them here

Wodu89:
You're uneducated. Allow me educate you, just like serving a spouse divorce doesn't automatically mean it will be granted as it would be subjected to court hearing and a divorce can be turned down. Same way is such a statement detrimental to any advantages this woman may want to lay claim for or on.


Should the court in future see this statement, it will be decided against her interest that any divorce she may seel was with sick intent and she won't get access to a pin.


Go and google how American courts did the same in the case of a woman who felt she and her husband were old and past prime. Hurriedly pushed for divorce served the husband papers declaring the part of his $1 Billion dollar weath she wanted, properties and monthly settlement.


Try gave her nothing, the same way Psquare brothers stvpid wife in us was giving nothing.


Nothing is always the heritage of greedy woman with such intent


I end my comment with this, why should any female including my daughter want to boldly lay claim to half the husband's property just by marriage. It should be by mutual contribution to the development of that wealth, not by association.



Thank you. Alot of people think divorce in a marriage is as simple as walking out the door. That's a Nollywood fallacy


You have access to wealth by contribution not by association

point of correction divorce can never be turned down by courts but you are given a separation period rethink your decisions, after period procedings take place also this can take long depending with wealth and assets at hand


the claiming of the half of the wealth is based on if the wealth was built while the two were together, anyone comes after building the wealth gets according to time they came into marriage

thats the reason rich people makes you sign a prenup or if not the wealth is held through a family trust, were no an individual has NO control but as group you do and whoever wants to cash out can sell their share

Saintsammurai:
This looks like what will happen in Europe and America..
In Africa, no man in his rightful sense, will take that forking behavior from his wife..If you can't let go of your problems and regret in life, then she should not have gotten married, thereby robbing her unhappy past life on her husbands face..Which might affect the children..As a lady going into marriage, you must let go off your frustrations for the sake of a happy marriage..
She kept a lot from the husband, and keeping secrets is bad for marriage..By the way, the husband needs DNA tests for all her children, because ladies that keeps dark secrets can't be trusted.

In africa it can also happen it depends with social class, eg middle class and above were both eg are proffessionals with or without a maid

Life has its challenges and how we reacts differ from person to person, relationship to relationship

back to the story, its poor written story

1 hubby comes home late (though he had a goid reason to himself ) from the story he never inforned wife in advance of coming home late

2 the wife has right to be angry from either coming home late or leaving a messy kitchen

3 the anger from messy kitchen might be a protest to coming home late

4 the breaking down might be from things hubby does that triggers those old memories

5 the hubby asking who has hurt you might mean hasnt been full paying attention to his wife and has no clue that she went through all that

6 wife might have also tried so hard to hide her past all these years it has been eating her and i got triggered by a small things

injuredman:
I just wish to make few points that may help ;
1. Female circumcision removes only the outer part of the clit. But the clit is as long as some dic.k, but mostly inside the vjay. If she is someone that response to clitoral stimulation, then make effort to discover where the hidden part of the clit is.

2. Every woman response to things differently. Some enjoy clitoral stimulation, leading to clitoral orgasm. Some response to vaginal stimulation, leading to vaginal orgasm.
Try to discover which is hers.

3. Except she has a medical condition, every woman will enjoy sex when the right places in her body are engaged/stimulated.

4. Most ladies who were Circumcised enjoy sex, some enjoy more than the uncircumcised. Sadly, mostly ladies won't accept it openly. But most ladies borne before 1990s from regions where circumcision was done, had their clits removed. But they still enjoyed sex.

5. If she has all the qualities you need in a woman, go ahead and discover her center of gravity. Then go ahead to enjoy your marriage. The ball is in your court.

adding more

sex starts in the mind, stimulate the mind for sex

praise eg her behind when she going etc

by the time you go to bef she will
ready mentally and simple touch might get wet easily

people fail to follow the development of a child there is time a child uses a month to explore the world, we grab it and put away from reach, then when they start to walk everything is grabbed and thrown at this stage their are understanding few commands stop etc. From startng to work to primary school is crutial period of choosing how deal withh the child spanking is necessary at very young age tolddler age, eg a spank on the hand then at age 4 and above more vocal commands are needed and less beating

Problem with parents we beat a child without fully explaining the wrong, expect them to get right the second time you corrected them whereas their are just children tend to forget alot, they a constant verballly reminder, we are not patience with out children we tend want them to get it right the 2nd and we use fear as way to control instead of using reasoning(of their age )

thats why you find children in the western world ask why, they just want to hear your reason why and sometimes it makes them
remember that you once said it and they will back off

Hashabiah:
A lot of women don't want to put work into themselves when they're married . That special look they had when they were still dating gets lost as they feel "I've entered my husband's house ".

The sad thing thing about this mindset is that those secretaries (who end up substituting these women from their homes) are actually maintaining their beauty by regular exercise, dieting and beauty treatments.


Let me give an example : my young neighbor's wife is constantly looking fat and disgusting. This woman isn't up to 36 , yet she's looking like a bloated walrus that has under gone 3 liposuctions. Infact, I can safely say she resembles what yorubas would call "kpomo".

Her unattractive figure is one of the major reasons why she's always having quarrels with her husband infidelity, but let's be sincere : which sane msn will look at her and feel sexually turned on... ? See even if an angel with a righteous heart sets eyes on that woman , he may mostly likely depart and find her replacement immediately.

You have noticed something but have you ever wonder why they lose interest or something to look sexxy etc

socialmediaman:
From David Belle on Twitter:

do you undertstand what it means yourself ?

boiz2men:
Life is puzzling.

Sometimes I wonder why our politicians steal so much. By God's grace, I became rich and graced to see hundreds of million. A few contracts here and there and a great career. But here comes a new problem. This doesn't excite me anymore. The next 10 million is not going to make my life any better. Promotion at work, increase in income, nothing excites me anymore and worse is that I am not materialistic at all, so acquiring gadgets, toys, or building mansions could never make me excited. I live a very simple life, wear basic quality fashion items, and drive simple cars. This is just my personality and not an act of humility.

Despite all the many good things that have happened in my life and all the things that I could potentially acquire. I am at a stage where I am really confused about myself.
Sometimes I buy unnecessary things I don't need just to feel like I am spending money. Other times, I am quick to assist deserving friends.

If you are not materialistic and yet, rich. How did you overcome this problem? This problem has left me in a state where I am neither happy nor sad.

we find happiness is different things eg some parents find happiness in having grand kids

Happiness is an individually things, yes money brings happiness to some people eg a person who loves gadgets or lasted things, being able to buy and have it brings them happiness


Happiness come through different things

Ogunleti01:
Please I want matured minds to do justice to this discourse. As a man is it proper to reveal your monthly take home to your wife? Please young adults should stay off!!!

1st tell us why yourself you are questioning it for being proper or not

emmaodet:
You are right

Have ever noticed that young one cant wait to grow up to elders, due to power aka not being questioned and ordering people around

This is all due how elders trash down whoever is younger than them, worse african parents dont usually acknowledge that their are areas you smarter than them, what they dont know that acknowledgement from parents gives a child confidence