Mindlog:


Yes both in the wrong but once people become responsible enough to birth only the children they can cater for and have provisions for them even in the event of untimely death of parents, there will be no supply of such minors of house maid.

If that same woman happens to be in the West, she would comfortably live her family without a house maid because there is no supply of minors for such neither can she afford to pay hourly to an adult to work in her.home.

Cut off source.

i get your point but sometimes circumstance change in life, were things were perfect and able look aftet eg 4 kids, then things like recession corona etc can change the one's life

Even a person with just two kids can run into troubles of life

Youngzipan:
as far as its a Nigerian, that house help must be maltreated and not treated the same way as the other children, it's what people do even my own mother, 99 percent of Nigerians deserves to be gathered in one place and an American fighter jet would just release nuclear bomb on them, blow them to ashes booooooooo!

what surprise me is eg

You mistreat him/her, will do the same to your kids when you are not around

teenagers will put whatever in your food

Mindlog:
The root cause are the parents who give out their children out as maids.

you cant blame one part, there are both in the wrong

teekay213:
is it not possible for someone to be right in the midst of several people? My late dad always take my sides when he was alive main reason for this hate later my mum but he(the first son) won my mom over and other siblings though I still talk with my younger sister once in a while

You are failing to understand the dynamics in your family let breakdown for you to be able to make the next step

1 you were either protected by your daddy/liked more, you brother either saw it or may be he was jelousy now you are vulnerable he picks on u

2 in term of inheritance you are next in the line he might hate u for that

3 He is the oldest and by most african tradition he becames the head he has influence on mum due to that, remember when a man dies the wife looses her power and influence mum has to be supportive behind your brother remember there is money coming from rentals mum needs it too

4 Marrying now is not health until you ate financially stable, you wife will be caught up in this drama and will be used a battle ground

5 Marrying without family support is usaually disaster unless if you have really valued reason,

Bayonet40:
Why do most Nigerian women maltreat children who serve them as maids?

Judging from the attached photo

Its a vicious cycle,

What sort of a parent send a child to
work for someone

What sort of person are you who accepts anyone under 18 to be your maid

What society are that allows that to happen

pozehnani:
Well... Since the Bible commands it, it's compulsory.

For me personally, if you can't find someone you're happy with, don't go into it because you'll still jump out or end up being miserable.

It's not a do or die affair. I'm single and very happy with peace of mind that most married people don't have as a result of the kind of marriage they find themselves.

why do reference everything to bible ? not every lives by it or uses it as guide to their life

odenkirk:
i am broke and jobless but i really wanna get married i want to enjoy life before i die. i currently dont have any gf and i never have one, all i do is self-service and self-service im tired, i wanna do the real thing even though im not a virgin but i promise i will never do it with olosho again since when i catch std from one stupid olosho that i paid 2k, i suffer a lots before i got healed. i swear to god i want to get married im tired of waiting to get rich to get married, it seems that im not gonna get rich i dont wanna waste my years waiting to be rich while unmarried, i am 29 now i wanna start doing it before my sexual libido gets low cuz i heard that u as u age ur sex drives reduces. guys any idea on how to get married while broke? my childhood friends are married nd enjoying life while i watch porn nd jerk off i swear i am tired. redpillers frustrated broke guys stay off my thread i dont want ur advices abeg. i need advice from matured minds

You are broke as an indiviual, how can u think getting married ? its another mouth to
feed, worse poor married people tend to have more babies

phidipe:
Please I would like you to explain this term "an unreasonable spouse" what parameters make a spouse to be unreasonable

in simpe terms a person who make things difficult for no good reason

Usually a common thing on people who are now Exs

SmileDance:

Why is she keeping your child from you

her reason doesnt matter unless if its coming from the courts

anything outside courts might be emotions, entitlement and tradition and culture beliefs

saintopus:
Am learning.

But most women in Nigeria act like that. The moment the man is unable to provide the next thing she would start to nag and starve the man of both food and intimacy.

they act like that becoz society and man groomed them to be like that, eg man promise that i
will look after you rendering the wife to only recieve than to be also a provider, when life through challenges and man out of work it became a crime

lavylilly:
There are alot
For women the man's
1. Financial Irresponsibility (No finance,no romance)
2. Cheating


For Men the woman's
1. Reckless financial spending (many men have set up business for their wife, yet the wife cannot account for =N=1)
2. Cheating

also people marry for wrong reasons

eg you marry a woman who is very respectful your mom and dady, but you are not a friend to her, you spend most of your free time with friends

Most men are open to simple conversation as friend with thier wives,

colonelwealth:




I like you already....you seem a respectful and well cultured lady.
Pls learn how to get to your husband's heart to get him do things for you...though it won't come instantly but you have to learn it.
Everyone has a key, find your man's key with playfulness, submission, subtile insistance and respectful negotiations and then prayers....you should be there, don't forget the food&bed room part
(I want to believe your reasons are genuie and you respect your husband's family)

Be careful with the advices you will be given here to you don't go setting your lovely home on fire.

come on

this is not like asking for something thats eg out of family budget, that you to sweet talk your better half

This basic suggestion on were to spend easter

If she can do this on just having an opinion what will she if she want eg a top up to buy an iphone 14 ?

SyrusdeHansome:
The society frowns at girls living wayward lives. Pastors nd imams preach about being chaste till marriage, as a matter of fact, girls with so many body counts like they normally call it here are seen as the worst set of pple nd are not respected in the society. They're seen as the never do well sets of girls, but those who are always seen indoor nd who don't sleep around are always believed to have a bright future ahead of them. But in reality it is the waka waka girls that mostly get married to the best men. They, in the process of waka...in will always come in contact with the good men that are meant for the good girls nd the good girls after spending greater part of their lives being good nd keeping their bodies for their supposed good man will after seeing that age is no more on their side settle for any guy that comes around for marriage and every saturday we keep seeing bad girls getting married to good men while the good girls are still in their father's house maybe with regret.

Defination of good girl can be tricky becoz eg being indoor doesnt make u good a girl can be indoors during holiday and when she goes back to Uni which is far away she can be wild there

Then those who are wild locally can simple move to Uni and chill and hook up
with someone who see her decent

Then finally being a good girl by observation doesnt mean she will be a good wife, marriage its self has challenges that can bring out a side u never saw, the bias from close relatives can shadow your views

Exmilitant:
Depends on what you mean by 'responsible parents.'

1. The fact that daddy is a pastor and mummy is choir mistress doesn't mean they are responsible.

2. The fact that parents locks up their kids in the house all the time doesn't mean the children will all turn out good.

Life happens! Some children came to life fully fitted and equipped with evil doings irrespective of the home the spawn from.

The first person to tell me about cultism in '95 was Junior whose father was a chief Judge!

Strict, disciplined and responsible, Junior's father never let his kids mix with other kids in the neighbourhood. He was alway indoors. However did Junior knew about, cultism and smoking and masturbation is still a mystery.

by the way, schools are on a two weeks holiday but, i see kids on mufti hanging school bags and heading to 'lessons'.

Whatever are the gonna learn?

That's where it all begins!

You nailed it

there are parents who

1 who act in public to be good parent but indoors they let their kids do whatever they like hence you see their children getting confused of parents behaviour in public

2 those who never finding faults in other people kids and see nothing in theirs

TONYE001:
Will answer your question from my experience - will be 9 years in marriage in 4 months.

I really don't think of marriage as a special thing. Maybe it's because I handle everyone with utmost respect. I have always compared having a spouse with having a roommate. If my roommate wants me to go elsewhere with him and I don't want to, I just tell him, politely. This is simple and basic human conversation.

I won't advise you see marriage as one major issue. It'll only give you too much of headache. Love your husband, respect him (like you should respect other humans), care for him like you would others, support him.. Of course, he should be prioritized.

I don't know if I've successfully passed my message. Just tell hubby, tell him your reasons
.. Of course, politely.

Good luck, and may God continue to bless and prosper your home.

rightly said

What i noticed in life, yes respect should be always there but also it suffocates, eg where men think he is the head of the house to be respected things have to go through him and it his decision

With my experience our roles by genders, birth,relation and marriages also
contribute to how we look down on
each other, instead if viewing each as humans, meaning how i have to be treated and not treated applies to the rest of the people than myself

Simply meaning, instead of treating wife as just wife treat her like fellow human, mother in law shouldnt treat daughter in law as such fellow female human being

Back to the story, hubby should treat wife as fellow human and understand she doesnt want to
go and reasons are truly valid becoz there were there recently

Nice2023:
Men of this world,remember your parents,especially in this Easter period. Allow your girl friends to be and take time to make life meaningful for them(ur parents).

Remember u will get old some day,I don't mean everyone on this forum but those of u who have connived with fake pastors and imams to accuse their parents of witchcraft and all sorts of.

Remember u too would become very old and similar fate awaits u all.

Gift them benefitting provisions and even what they might not ask for.

I am sure I am speaking to someone out there.

Mama and papa need u now than ever. Stop wasting money on girls friends or boyfriends,as relationship matter no dey finish.

And those men who are gamblers,your cases are glaring,it is only God that knows how u have neglected ur parents this long. And u are still planning to gamble away your destiny,pls have a rethink of your life and forge ahead.

only a fool can me reminded by date or holiday to look after our parents, it should be a daily thing

thatigbogirl4NL:
Hello Fam
I am newly married.
Based in Abuja


I was in JOS in December 2022 for Christmas at my husband family house. Then back to Abua

We traveled back to Jos this February 2023 (2months ago) for our Church wedding 💍

My husband is compelling that i will travel 🧳 with him to Jos for Easter This April 2023

He Loves his parents dearly. Like our Anambra brothers usually do.
I Respect that Umunnem oo!

We are in April now. My husband wants me to travel 🧳 with him to Jos for Easter celebrations at the family house.

How do i tell tmy dear husband... I don't want to go to Jos this April
Since we will still travel to Jos in December 2023 For Christmas 🎁 by God's grace
My in-law are wonderful people.


I just feel i want to rest small, get a job. B4 December Travel to Jos for Christmas celebrations.

I even have a job interview online Easter Monday.


How do i convince my sweetheart Politely and Respectfully. Say make we no travel 🧳 now till December.


He typically does NOT take No for an answer
My husband na Alpha Male oo
Make una self me script a sweet convincing polite answer. I just weak oo since morning

You know him better than yd but we shall tips

1 tell him straight that you have a suggestion how you want to spend easter, remember its suggestion ( meaning you are saying what u wish and its up to him yo grant you that wish)

2 Tell him the reasons you want to be home you already said 2 rest and finding a job, you can add to that like just having easter the two of you, creating memories of your life,

3 Remember since you are newly weeds, it take time ti change from routines he used to go home every holiday, it hasnt registered yet to say he now has his home with a wife, let me give you an example when moved to UK i noticed that the first few years people would fly back home for holiday or fail to becoz its expensive, the main reason why they behave like that its becoz, of what we were used to every holiday you go to the village. The same behaviour when we moved abroad, instead of exploring europe its way cheaper

My point behavior is due to what one is used to

Aslong he allows you to voice your thoughts, just tell him you have a suggestion for easter if he had other plans

TheRealestGuy:


Oh parents make a lot of sacrifices.

Anything your parents did for you after you clocked 18 years of age is a sacrifice you must never forget if you're a normal human being.

Emphasis on the last three words in the preceeding paragraph.

I rest my case.

i get you but remember some parents have the capacity to push you through beyond 18

The aim arguement wasnt focused on 18 and above but from birth till may be 17

Gamesmart:


You speak with wisdom above your age.

@ZIMDRILL, what is your response?

my respond was that he see the world with a tunnel vision based on his age, whereas me i see it beyond my age, meaning no matter what age a person is (18 and above) they deserve love and marriage aka even a 30 year old who is not yet married

007s:


I disagree with this

Going by your analogy, the responsibility of every parent stops at ensuring their offspring survive (just like other animals) i.e, the parent is only expected to provide you with basic neccessities of life (food, water and shelter), until you reach a certain age (most likely 12 (puberty)) when you can fend for your self.

Any parent that goes beyond this bare minimum i.e., provide for your education formally or informally, feeding after the age of 12, attend to any of your need after the age of 12, etc has made a sacrifice and this sacrifice should be recognised

You read in a hurry i said by Nature and Law

eg Nature, the fact that its your child naturally you protect

eg Law you are responsible for child until they reach 18, 18 an age one can be employed as adult meaning one can feed and shelter themself if one is working

Mrlance15:
Like I said, he gave them everything compared to us, but this whole inclination he has towards them increased when they became financially okay, I believe he will also claim I'm his son when I get rich too, that's how he is.

wait a minute

Lets restart

Your mum married yo daddy when he was going through divorce right

The 1st wife then remarried and your mum raised you including your half siblings right during this period who wad financially looking after the family

When 1st 2nd marriage ended, then poped back into your fathers live and your half siblings

Now father loves kids fro 1st marriage than you guys

so my question still remains when your mother was raising you including your half siblings who was the breadwinner ?

monerozi5590:




Here, in Africa and some Asian countries, it's our duty to take care of our old parents. In the Western world, they have care homes for aged people but we don't have it here. Even in the west, the rich don't put their parents in care homes. They hire nannies for them and make sure they are properly taking care of.

In summary, children na investment too. The joy of every parent is to see their children become successful.

you missed my point, i dont dispute looking after old parents, the point is how we look after them, the active working young look after them from social to finance in stead of socially meaning the old parents would have saved pension money via different means to use it in their old age

In western world there are put in homes for two reasons 1 money is there for them to be looked after while in their 2 the young ones also need to work for both their own achievements eg houses and also their own money for pension

In western world eg wife was working and family income was double and mortage was calculated to be finished in 17 years due to both income from wife and hubby. The monent she stops working to look after her old mum, it will affectet the money towards mortagage meaning it will take longer to finish the mortagage and pension

In africa and asia we look after our old parents due to our social dynamics were wives are given the primary role due to most being house wives and also women not having equal opportunies to be career women

Mrlance15:
From what I was told, when he came for my mom he said he's going through a divorce, and truely his first wife left him then got married to someone else (but the husband died later on) and my dad still want her back despite that, so my mom raised us with our step siblings like they were her own, as a kid I even believed they're my blood siblings, I only found out they're my step siblings during my teenage years, everything was all about deception right from the onset, he even promised to get her through higher institution, now those step siblings grew up and started hating her that she's the reason Thier mom left her husband and all of that, tbh my mom never mistreated any of them, I am very sure of this, they just started hating after reuniting with Thier mom who poisoned Thier mind against us, I can't blame her for being ignorant, she wasn't a loose girl who is exposed like girls of nowadays, she was just 20 then, very young with no exposure.

And I'm not really blaming anyone, I don't get what you mean by blaming game, I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I can't watch my family suffer when I know I can do something about it, perhaps that's my weakness, maybe I'm too kind, maybe I'm foolish, the truth is I can't watch them starve when I can do something about it.

How was life before his 1st wife came back into the pic? was your fathet responsible at that tome ?

You now claim he a deadbeat and your mum is unemployed, was your mum working before?

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

lets get some facts, was you mother a side chick or 2nd wife ? you mentioned thats he loves the children from the first wife meaning your mum came into the picture when he was married already

1 the truth might hurt you but you inheritated the problem that was started by your own mother aka either having children with married man or settling for being 2nd wife

2 your mom would have known better that being a side chic or 2nd usually doesnt end well either 1st and her kids would be blaming the new wife unfortunately in your case its you and yo mum

I think you just have to accept the mistakes from both of your parents and blame them equally and start change life for your own good and peace of mind without calling the blaming game

Yes your mum might have good reasons that made sense to marry your father at that time the reality is he ended up with children from two mothers. She might have been decieved into marrying your father but am sure there were one or two people who warned her

Accept you sitaution and stop the blaming game

Shokoloko:

Beautiful thoughts.
Training children is not an investment or sacrifice.

its sad sometimes our poverty is man made by our mindset and becames a vicious cycle, were half of your money is going to look after the old while the reminder looks after you and your children, meaning you kids are most likely to end up like you the vicious cycles continues

If we learn to invest in our own retirement our children would be also able to focus on raising their own kids to their full potentials, without worrying about the old folks

Yes i understand that in africa things like pension etc can be tricky but lets not wait for company you work for to do pension scheme for yo, u do your own, same with those who are self employed tax yourself yo own pension

SUFFERInSMILIIN:


Please do not judge somebody by how many years they have stayed in that country watch my YouTube video above this one. Let me explain to you one thing which happens in the developed world all the white people are doing is transferring their debts to the Blacks especially Nigerians. More than 65% of Nigerians in America are in massive debt. Going abroad does not mean you have gotten a golden opportunity I can tell you right now in developed countries 70% of Nigerians and bottom feeders. Specially in the employment ranking ranking.

Do you think 95 immigrant in America in income is a joke. Most Nigerians abroad and like people at home they just pulled themselves and be suffering

how does a white man's debt is transfered to a black nigerian

The main issue people, travel with wrong visa and they get stuck. People make the mistake to be just in US or UK without the right visa, once there are in reality hits you stopped to progress becoz not having papers, you cant hustle like what you do in your home country, the end, you end up picking jobs that are not liked by locals and worse you are underpaid with long working hours if not with 2 or 3 jobs to makes up average weekly working hours

Aslong you are in foreign land and illegal especially the west world your bound for low paying jobs, How does a white debt end up being a nigerian man/woman debt?

illegal immigrants are cheap labout

GudPpleG8Nation:

That means the moment a child clocks 18years old ( he's an adult legally and naturally) he should take responsibility for his or her education and needs so that the parents can also invest in their retirement plans.
You're entitled to your opinion but, sacrifices or not, we should care for the aged

Yes true, but remember while you are raising them in a good ecomomy and be wise ,you also put money aside to kick start their adult life

Have heard of young adults who get lump sum from grandparents when they reach 18 or 21, thats the idea to kick start their early adulthood

the same in african contest the youngest child in a family were other siblings are grown, given or his/her name appears on title deeds of the house, its a kick start in the event the parents pass away

blackgold2018:
she might have not finished her masters sef. Or she never went to the school.

But one thing is sure that op sister might not be doing well the way he thinks

But op small brain can’t think that

might be

remember the guy said she has been there for 5 years roughly meaning if she had the right papers am sure she would have visited in the past 5 years, the fact that she hasnt points are her not having papers and thats explains she might not financialy stable

3kay945:


Thanks for the robust response to that post. I share same thought with you but wasn't interested in responding to the post.

You are welcome

thats the main reason why africans we are poor

1 we invest in wrong things kids must be raised not invested in as returns

2 we should learn that raising your own kids is must, not favour or sacrifice

3 learn to invest in things that return your own money over time, not a human being that can change its mind, here we talk of properties and shares etc

4 If you raise them well there will be there for you but if you raise them using the words i sacrificed for you or as if you are doing them a favour they might not like you in the end becoz they didnt ask to be born

Klass99:


Lmao 🤣. I feel you and I agree with this. Parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to reap the benefits as it is with children.

in my work you got a wrong mindset when it comes to raising kids

there is nothing called Sacrifice when it comes to raising your own children, its your duty both by nature and law, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to be doing aka raising your own kids

the only people who deserve to use that word is those looking after othet people's kids yes they sacrifice there time and money becoz it wasnt there responsiblility

Kids are not investment why becoz they can have their own mind, your money and properties are the right investment they can
never have their own mind hence they will work according to your wish

Saying parents sacrificed is like giving yourself a medal for breathing, if you want to live you must breath so u can not give yoself a medal

Same with kids we bear, its our duty and responsibility no one else so dont congrats your self for something you are meant to be doing

the moment we accept that it is our duty to look after we children the better we dont see them as investments but just raising a human being and hoping that they will be better than you in achievement

We are poor becoz we confuse investment and responsibility of raising children. The two are totally different but most africans make them one thing

what If all your kids die before you? when u viewed them as investment, a property will look after you same with shares etc

Having the mindset of investment is wrong you will end up thinking that you are doing a favour to your children when in reality it is actually your duty and no one else

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

People always have the wrong idea when one goes abroad

Let me ask you the basic

1 does your sister have papers there?

2 When was the last time she was home
visiting?

3 When she finished her master was she offered job and got the right papers

4 sometimes people lie to
people back home, not knowing that the person is illegal there one is limited to type of jobs and progression in lifeb

Until those questions are answered then we might look into your sister's attitude

Darkestking:


A 30 and above woman isn't as attractive, isn't young and full of life. I'm not marrying my sister. I don't owe these random woman anything so why would I marry an old woman?

fair enough, you only see the world in your own tunnel vision, am sure you are below 30 hence you see 30 as being old

am 47 i see 30s being young and attactive and i see the world with much wider view than seeing from a tunnel vision

You missed my point when i used the sister as example, the point is if it is your own sister who is said to be too old marry, you would disagree becoz you want to her happy in her own marriage regardless her age. simple meaning regardless age we all want to be married