₦airaland Forum

sukkot:
you got jokes hehe. Well you know those same doctors who are running out of Nigeria are crying in the UK that they are being exploited by the British government and being paid very poor and much lower than their white counterparts and they have petitioned the Nigerian government to fight on their behalf. It's a huge case going on right now as we speak. Are you aware of that ? Oh yes we shall keep Nigeria nice and warm for you so you can come back and enjoy it with us hehe

stop lying, no country will tell another country to pay itc citizens so much, yes their are paid minimum becoz most have no traceble experience or reference within UK hence when they start from the minimum within their field and raise up as everyone

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting.

My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough.

I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.

She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food.

Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about.

It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours.

My income is more than hers though.

Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

the problem here is you are following a bad custom which has been passed on generation to generation and you belief its the right way

1 if you are working or provider and salary covers all the bills including your both personal allowance u got the room to say wife can keep hers if its little

2 if you are that man who is proud to the sole provider and wont accept help from wise then you shall suffer to be sole provider and dont complain

3 if salary is minimum and barely covers bills and wife brings in little you are meant to put your income together and do a family budget period u wont have this allowance issue as it would have solved by thr budget

4 Many people have misundertood the
word allowance some use it for day to day money for food etc and some for real allowance aka personal allowance for wife which money for things like hair,pants, pantyliners etc

5 if the money is not for personal allowance its shouldnt be called such but money for the house to run the house, gas, water, food etc

6 Wife can only be limited to home expenditure money if she is reckless with it

7 you have been taught aka passed on
generation to generation that .1 give wife the minimun she needs 2 if i give her more she will demand more whereas work around the character of your mum towards money as adjust according to your family needs

8 Both of you are meant contribute towards your home based on what u bring in regardless how small unless your partner clearly says keep your money, there is so much self appriciation in builiding your home with your own money

9 One of the main reason that couples that move western world ended divorcing, is power struggle via money whereby the man is longet able to control wife by either how much he gives or by just being the breadwinner, wife would now working too now understands the power of money to control, hubby nolonger has thay advantage

10 the reason most ladies get kicked out easily from the house they build together with a late husband is the lack financial contribution, where husband does all for you and he tell people that this is my house instead of saying our house

Mindlog:
When such person runs into troubles of life, do not sacrifice your children as a means of relief, setting them up for exploitation that would leave them with life long scars.

true

thats why i blame both, would the employer want her of that age to be a maid ?

sisisioge:
Absolutely right. We all have different goals in this dear life....what is cheap for person A may be expensive for person B. For instance, I know a fresh from medical school babe that started work with 250k here whereas my family doc earns close to 500k, I thought that's a lot. But OP still thinks doctors dont earn much. This just makes me see relativity of things further. The best thing I've done for myself is leaving naija....2022 was a loaded year for me simply because of that and I'm so grateful. Surely, I look forward to more....

Oya no more quotes. Go and be great!

what people forget is thats doctors and nurses usually start low ( low in their field) then they raise by years they practise hence we commonly here the word junior doctor

Mindlog:
Yes both in the wrong but once people become responsible enough to birth only the children they can cater for and have provisions for them even in the event of untimely death of parents, there will be no supply of such minors of house maid.

If that same woman happens to be in the West, she would comfortably live her family without a house maid because there is no supply of minors for such neither can she afford to pay hourly to an adult to work in her.home.

Cut off source.

i get your point but sometimes circumstance change in life, were things were perfect and able look aftet eg 4 kids, then things like recession corona etc can change the one's life

Even a person with just two kids can run into troubles of life

Youngzipan:
as far as its a Nigerian, that house help must be maltreated and not treated the same way as the other children, it's what people do even my own mother, 99 percent of Nigerians deserves to be gathered in one place and an American fighter jet would just release nuclear bomb on them, blow them to ashes booooooooo!

what surprise me is eg

You mistreat him/her, will do the same to your kids when you are not around

teenagers will put whatever in your food

Mindlog:
The root cause are the parents who give out their children out as maids.

you cant blame one part, there are both in the wrong

teekay213:
is it not possible for someone to be right in the midst of several people? My late dad always take my sides when he was alive main reason for this hate later my mum but he(the first son) won my mom over and other siblings though I still talk with my younger sister once in a while

You are failing to understand the dynamics in your family let breakdown for you to be able to make the next step

1 you were either protected by your daddy/liked more, you brother either saw it or may be he was jelousy now you are vulnerable he picks on u

2 in term of inheritance you are next in the line he might hate u for that

3 He is the oldest and by most african tradition he becames the head he has influence on mum due to that, remember when a man dies the wife looses her power and influence mum has to be supportive behind your brother remember there is money coming from rentals mum needs it too

4 Marrying now is not health until you ate financially stable, you wife will be caught up in this drama and will be used a battle ground

5 Marrying without family support is usaually disaster unless if you have really valued reason,

Bayonet40:
Why do most Nigerian women maltreat children who serve them as maids?

Judging from the attached photo

Its a vicious cycle,

What sort of a parent send a child to
work for someone

What sort of person are you who accepts anyone under 18 to be your maid

What society are that allows that to happen

pozehnani:
Well... Since the Bible commands it, it's compulsory.

For me personally, if you can't find someone you're happy with, don't go into it because you'll still jump out or end up being miserable.

It's not a do or die affair. I'm single and very happy with peace of mind that most married people don't have as a result of the kind of marriage they find themselves.

why do reference everything to bible ? not every lives by it or uses it as guide to their life

odenkirk:
i am broke and jobless but i really wanna get married i want to enjoy life before i die. i currently dont have any gf and i never have one, all i do is self-service and self-service im tired, i wanna do the real thing even though im not a virgin but i promise i will never do it with olosho again since when i catch std from one stupid olosho that i paid 2k, i suffer a lots before i got healed. i swear to god i want to get married im tired of waiting to get rich to get married, it seems that im not gonna get rich i dont wanna waste my years waiting to be rich while unmarried, i am 29 now i wanna start doing it before my sexual libido gets low cuz i heard that u as u age ur sex drives reduces. guys any idea on how to get married while broke? my childhood friends are married nd enjoying life while i watch porn nd jerk off i swear i am tired. redpillers frustrated broke guys stay off my thread i dont want ur advices abeg. i need advice from matured minds

You are broke as an indiviual, how can u think getting married ? its another mouth to
feed, worse poor married people tend to have more babies

phidipe:
Please I would like you to explain this term "an unreasonable spouse" what parameters make a spouse to be unreasonable

in simpe terms a person who make things difficult for no good reason

Usually a common thing on people who are now Exs

SmileDance:
Why is she keeping your child from you

her reason doesnt matter unless if its coming from the courts

anything outside courts might be emotions, entitlement and tradition and culture beliefs

saintopus:
Am learning.

But most women in Nigeria act like that. The moment the man is unable to provide the next thing she would start to nag and starve the man of both food and intimacy.

they act like that becoz society and man groomed them to be like that, eg man promise that i
will look after you rendering the wife to only recieve than to be also a provider, when life through challenges and man out of work it became a crime

lavylilly:
There are alot
For women the man's
1. Financial Irresponsibility (No finance,no romance)
2. Cheating


For Men the woman's
1. Reckless financial spending (many men have set up business for their wife, yet the wife cannot account for =N=1)
2. Cheating

also people marry for wrong reasons

eg you marry a woman who is very respectful your mom and dady, but you are not a friend to her, you spend most of your free time with friends

Most men are open to simple conversation as friend with thier wives,

colonelwealth:
I like you already....you seem a respectful and well cultured lady.
Pls learn how to get to your husband's heart to get him do things for you...though it won't come instantly but you have to learn it.
Everyone has a key, find your man's key with playfulness, submission, subtile insistance and respectful negotiations and then prayers....you should be there, don't forget the food&bed room part
(I want to believe your reasons are genuie and you respect your husband's family)

Be careful with the advices you will be given here to you don't go setting your lovely home on fire.

come on

this is not like asking for something thats eg out of family budget, that you to sweet talk your better half

This basic suggestion on were to spend easter

If she can do this on just having an opinion what will she if she want eg a top up to buy an iphone 14 ?

SyrusdeHansome:
The society frowns at girls living wayward lives. Pastors nd imams preach about being chaste till marriage, as a matter of fact, girls with so many body counts like they normally call it here are seen as the worst set of pple nd are not respected in the society. They're seen as the never do well sets of girls, but those who are always seen indoor nd who don't sleep around are always believed to have a bright future ahead of them. But in reality it is the waka waka girls that mostly get married to the best men. They, in the process of waka...in will always come in contact with the good men that are meant for the good girls nd the good girls after spending greater part of their lives being good nd keeping their bodies for their supposed good man will after seeing that age is no more on their side settle for any guy that comes around for marriage and every saturday we keep seeing bad girls getting married to good men while the good girls are still in their father's house maybe with regret.

Defination of good girl can be tricky becoz eg being indoor doesnt make u good a girl can be indoors during holiday and when she goes back to Uni which is far away she can be wild there

Then those who are wild locally can simple move to Uni and chill and hook up
with someone who see her decent

Then finally being a good girl by observation doesnt mean she will be a good wife, marriage its self has challenges that can bring out a side u never saw, the bias from close relatives can shadow your views

Exmilitant:
Depends on what you mean by 'responsible parents.'

1. The fact that daddy is a pastor and mummy is choir mistress doesn't mean they are responsible.

2. The fact that parents locks up their kids in the house all the time doesn't mean the children will all turn out good.

Life happens! Some children came to life fully fitted and equipped with evil doings irrespective of the home the spawn from.

The first person to tell me about cultism in '95 was Junior whose father was a chief Judge!

Strict, disciplined and responsible, Junior's father never let his kids mix with other kids in the neighbourhood. He was alway indoors. However did Junior knew about, cultism and smoking and masturbation is still a mystery.

by the way, schools are on a two weeks holiday but, i see kids on mufti hanging school bags and heading to 'lessons'.

Whatever are the gonna learn?

That's where it all begins!

You nailed it

there are parents who

1 who act in public to be good parent but indoors they let their kids do whatever they like hence you see their children getting confused of parents behaviour in public

2 those who never finding faults in other people kids and see nothing in theirs

TONYE001:
Will answer your question from my experience - will be 9 years in marriage in 4 months.

I really don't think of marriage as a special thing. Maybe it's because I handle everyone with utmost respect. I have always compared having a spouse with having a roommate. If my roommate wants me to go elsewhere with him and I don't want to, I just tell him, politely. This is simple and basic human conversation.

I won't advise you see marriage as one major issue. It'll only give you too much of headache. Love your husband, respect him (like you should respect other humans), care for him like you would others, support him.. Of course, he should be prioritized.

I don't know if I've successfully passed my message. Just tell hubby, tell him your reasons
.. Of course, politely.

Good luck, and may God continue to bless and prosper your home.

rightly said

What i noticed in life, yes respect should be always there but also it suffocates, eg where men think he is the head of the house to be respected things have to go through him and it his decision

With my experience our roles by genders, birth,relation and marriages also
contribute to how we look down on
each other, instead if viewing each as humans, meaning how i have to be treated and not treated applies to the rest of the people than myself

Simply meaning, instead of treating wife as just wife treat her like fellow human, mother in law shouldnt treat daughter in law as such fellow female human being

Back to the story, hubby should treat wife as fellow human and understand she doesnt want to
go and reasons are truly valid becoz there were there recently

Nice2023:
Men of this world,remember your parents,especially in this Easter period. Allow your girl friends to be and take time to make life meaningful for them(ur parents).

Remember u will get old some day,I don't mean everyone on this forum but those of u who have connived with fake pastors and imams to accuse their parents of witchcraft and all sorts of.

Remember u too would become very old and similar fate awaits u all.

Gift them benefitting provisions and even what they might not ask for.

I am sure I am speaking to someone out there.

Mama and papa need u now than ever. Stop wasting money on girls friends or boyfriends,as relationship matter no dey finish.

And those men who are gamblers,your cases are glaring,it is only God that knows how u have neglected ur parents this long. And u are still planning to gamble away your destiny,pls have a rethink of your life and forge ahead.

only a fool can me reminded by date or holiday to look after our parents, it should be a daily thing

thatigbogirl4NL:
Hello Fam
I am newly married.
Based in Abuja


I was in JOS in December 2022 for Christmas at my husband family house. Then back to Abua

We traveled back to Jos this February 2023 (2months ago) for our Church wedding 💍

My husband is compelling that i will travel 🧳 with him to Jos for Easter This April 2023

He Loves his parents dearly. Like our Anambra brothers usually do.
I Respect that Umunnem oo!

We are in April now. My husband wants me to travel 🧳 with him to Jos for Easter celebrations at the family house.

How do i tell tmy dear husband... I don't want to go to Jos this April
Since we will still travel to Jos in December 2023 For Christmas 🎁 by God's grace
My in-law are wonderful people.


I just feel i want to rest small, get a job. B4 December Travel to Jos for Christmas celebrations.

I even have a job interview online Easter Monday.


How do i convince my sweetheart Politely and Respectfully. Say make we no travel 🧳 now till December.


He typically does NOT take No for an answer
My husband na Alpha Male oo
Make una self me script a sweet convincing polite answer. I just weak oo since morning

You know him better than yd but we shall tips

1 tell him straight that you have a suggestion how you want to spend easter, remember its suggestion ( meaning you are saying what u wish and its up to him yo grant you that wish)

2 Tell him the reasons you want to be home you already said 2 rest and finding a job, you can add to that like just having easter the two of you, creating memories of your life,

3 Remember since you are newly weeds, it take time ti change from routines he used to go home every holiday, it hasnt registered yet to say he now has his home with a wife, let me give you an example when moved to UK i noticed that the first few years people would fly back home for holiday or fail to becoz its expensive, the main reason why they behave like that its becoz, of what we were used to every holiday you go to the village. The same behaviour when we moved abroad, instead of exploring europe its way cheaper

My point behavior is due to what one is used to

Aslong he allows you to voice your thoughts, just tell him you have a suggestion for easter if he had other plans

TheRealestGuy:
Oh parents make a lot of sacrifices.

Anything your parents did for you after you clocked 18 years of age is a sacrifice you must never forget if you're a normal human being.

Emphasis on the last three words in the preceeding paragraph.

I rest my case.

i get you but remember some parents have the capacity to push you through beyond 18

The aim arguement wasnt focused on 18 and above but from birth till may be 17

Gamesmart:
You speak with wisdom above your age.

@ZIMDRILL, what is your response?

my respond was that he see the world with a tunnel vision based on his age, whereas me i see it beyond my age, meaning no matter what age a person is (18 and above) they deserve love and marriage aka even a 30 year old who is not yet married

007s:
I disagree with this

Going by your analogy, the responsibility of every parent stops at ensuring their offspring survive (just like other animals) i.e, the parent is only expected to provide you with basic neccessities of life (food, water and shelter), until you reach a certain age (most likely 12 (puberty)) when you can fend for your self.

Any parent that goes beyond this bare minimum i.e., provide for your education formally or informally, feeding after the age of 12, attend to any of your need after the age of 12, etc has made a sacrifice and this sacrifice should be recognised

You read in a hurry i said by Nature and Law

eg Nature, the fact that its your child naturally you protect

eg Law you are responsible for child until they reach 18, 18 an age one can be employed as adult meaning one can feed and shelter themself if one is working

Mrlance15:
Like I said, he gave them everything compared to us, but this whole inclination he has towards them increased when they became financially okay, I believe he will also claim I'm his son when I get rich too, that's how he is.

wait a minute

Lets restart

Your mum married yo daddy when he was going through divorce right

The 1st wife then remarried and your mum raised you including your half siblings right during this period who wad financially looking after the family

When 1st 2nd marriage ended, then poped back into your fathers live and your half siblings

Now father loves kids fro 1st marriage than you guys

so my question still remains when your mother was raising you including your half siblings who was the breadwinner ?

monerozi5590:
Here, in Africa and some Asian countries, it's our duty to take care of our old parents. In the Western world, they have care homes for aged people but we don't have it here. Even in the west, the rich don't put their parents in care homes. They hire nannies for them and make sure they are properly taking care of.

In summary, children na investment too. The joy of every parent is to see their children become successful.

you missed my point, i dont dispute looking after old parents, the point is how we look after them, the active working young look after them from social to finance in stead of socially meaning the old parents would have saved pension money via different means to use it in their old age

In western world there are put in homes for two reasons 1 money is there for them to be looked after while in their 2 the young ones also need to work for both their own achievements eg houses and also their own money for pension

In western world eg wife was working and family income was double and mortage was calculated to be finished in 17 years due to both income from wife and hubby. The monent she stops working to look after her old mum, it will affectet the money towards mortagage meaning it will take longer to finish the mortagage and pension

In africa and asia we look after our old parents due to our social dynamics were wives are given the primary role due to most being house wives and also women not having equal opportunies to be career women

Mrlance15:
From what I was told, when he came for my mom he said he's going through a divorce, and truely his first wife left him then got married to someone else (but the husband died later on) and my dad still want her back despite that, so my mom raised us with our step siblings like they were her own, as a kid I even believed they're my blood siblings, I only found out they're my step siblings during my teenage years, everything was all about deception right from the onset, he even promised to get her through higher institution, now those step siblings grew up and started hating her that she's the reason Thier mom left her husband and all of that, tbh my mom never mistreated any of them, I am very sure of this, they just started hating after reuniting with Thier mom who poisoned Thier mind against us, I can't blame her for being ignorant, she wasn't a loose girl who is exposed like girls of nowadays, she was just 20 then, very young with no exposure.

And I'm not really blaming anyone, I don't get what you mean by blaming game, I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I can't watch my family suffer when I know I can do something about it, perhaps that's my weakness, maybe I'm too kind, maybe I'm foolish, the truth is I can't watch them starve when I can do something about it.

How was life before his 1st wife came back into the pic? was your fathet responsible at that tome ?

You now claim he a deadbeat and your mum is unemployed, was your mum working before?

Mrlance15:
My mum is unemployed, thanks to my deadbeat dad, I'm a middle child in my family, the siblings before me aren't doing well, and the two after me are just secondary school kids, my dad never invested in us educationally and in other relevant areas he's obligated to perform, infact he bailed on us and start living on his own, he even stopped financing my education I had to drop out, so I'm a uni drop out rn, he believes taking care of your children is not his responsibility and he doesn't owe us anything, that after secondary school he has tried and doesn't owe you university or anything, he always tell us that helping us isn't his obligation that his little contribution which is primary school education is mercy enough, he made it clear we won't inherit anything from him that we should go and hustle on our own, he actually loved his first kids more, he gave them everything and neglected me and my siblings, he always lament on how he prefers his first wife to my mum and we're liabilities, this is because his first children are well to do and they send him money from time to time with a stern warning that he shouldn't feed us with the money they sent, and they told him that if he wants to keep recieving the money he should alienate himself from us (me and my siblings) so he did that, my dad is a terrible person, everything I have said is just the tip of an iceberg but I won't go into everything in detail.
My problem is everything fell on me due to my dad alienating us and my mum being unemployed, among my siblings I'm the only one doing well financially, it's not enough but I make average money from time to time with freelancing.
Feeding is on me, rent, hospital bills, my mum is indepted to many people and I work tirelessly to clear her dept gradually, this made me take loans and all, now I'm in my 20s and I haven't done anything with my life, I have no savings, no car, nothing, because everything I make goes into family upkeep, everything is on me, even my older brother rely on me for recharge card, that's how bad it is, so I'm the only one carrying everything, my problem now is since family issues won't let me invest in myself, will I be in this endless circle of redundancy and turn out to be a failure later in life? Because at my age I should have savings or move forward in life, I'm always broke because any money I get goes into family problem, I don't do anything for myself and I'm close to 30.

lets get some facts, was you mother a side chick or 2nd wife ? you mentioned thats he loves the children from the first wife meaning your mum came into the picture when he was married already

1 the truth might hurt you but you inheritated the problem that was started by your own mother aka either having children with married man or settling for being 2nd wife

2 your mom would have known better that being a side chic or 2nd usually doesnt end well either 1st and her kids would be blaming the new wife unfortunately in your case its you and yo mum

I think you just have to accept the mistakes from both of your parents and blame them equally and start change life for your own good and peace of mind without calling the blaming game

Yes your mum might have good reasons that made sense to marry your father at that time the reality is he ended up with children from two mothers. She might have been decieved into marrying your father but am sure there were one or two people who warned her

Accept you sitaution and stop the blaming game

Shokoloko:
Beautiful thoughts.
Training children is not an investment or sacrifice.

its sad sometimes our poverty is man made by our mindset and becames a vicious cycle, were half of your money is going to look after the old while the reminder looks after you and your children, meaning you kids are most likely to end up like you the vicious cycles continues

If we learn to invest in our own retirement our children would be also able to focus on raising their own kids to their full potentials, without worrying about the old folks

Yes i understand that in africa things like pension etc can be tricky but lets not wait for company you work for to do pension scheme for yo, u do your own, same with those who are self employed tax yourself yo own pension

SUFFERInSMILIIN:
Please do not judge somebody by how many years they have stayed in that country watch my YouTube video above this one. Let me explain to you one thing which happens in the developed world all the white people are doing is transferring their debts to the Blacks especially Nigerians. More than 65% of Nigerians in America are in massive debt. Going abroad does not mean you have gotten a golden opportunity I can tell you right now in developed countries 70% of Nigerians and bottom feeders. Specially in the employment ranking ranking.

Do you think 95 immigrant in America in income is a joke. Most Nigerians abroad and like people at home they just pulled themselves and be suffering

how does a white man's debt is transfered to a black nigerian

The main issue people, travel with wrong visa and they get stuck. People make the mistake to be just in US or UK without the right visa, once there are in reality hits you stopped to progress becoz not having papers, you cant hustle like what you do in your home country, the end, you end up picking jobs that are not liked by locals and worse you are underpaid with long working hours if not with 2 or 3 jobs to makes up average weekly working hours

Aslong you are in foreign land and illegal especially the west world your bound for low paying jobs, How does a white debt end up being a nigerian man/woman debt?

illegal immigrants are cheap labout

GudPpleG8Nation:
That means the moment a child clocks 18years old ( he's an adult legally and naturally) he should take responsibility for his or her education and needs so that the parents can also invest in their retirement plans.
You're entitled to your opinion but, sacrifices or not, we should care for the aged

Yes true, but remember while you are raising them in a good ecomomy and be wise ,you also put money aside to kick start their adult life

Have heard of young adults who get lump sum from grandparents when they reach 18 or 21, thats the idea to kick start their early adulthood

the same in african contest the youngest child in a family were other siblings are grown, given or his/her name appears on title deeds of the house, its a kick start in the event the parents pass away

blackgold2018:
she might have not finished her masters sef. Or she never went to the school.

But one thing is sure that op sister might not be doing well the way he thinks

But op small brain can’t think that

might be

remember the guy said she has been there for 5 years roughly meaning if she had the right papers am sure she would have visited in the past 5 years, the fact that she hasnt points are her not having papers and thats explains she might not financialy stable