₦airaland Forum

fineboynl:
There is this old sentiment when someone who knows you before while you were suffering. Lack of respect and when you talk she will reply “because you done get money na” since he now has money why won’t he raise voice or misbehaved.

No guy want to be in that shoe. Were he can not talk or be in control again just because the babe knows him when i was suffering. The fact he was once poor before and had no choice or a voice shouldn’t make him less of a man. The relationship can become toxic when the guy keep misbehaved or reminding him of where she met him. When he was broke he was taking alot of things she thrown at him even though they have been together all the while. But when the mulla enters he will likely changed and there will be issues and it would be only a matter of time before he moves on to find someone else who never suffered with him.

Two people are living together for years doesn’t mean everything is fine with them.

I know some guys can misbehaved when money enters, as money can bring the real character of humans both women alike.

But most guy will find peace with a new girl than their former girl. Because this new girl will respect them and take things thrown at her compared to the former.

A prophet has no respect in his home town. Its of similar thing.

The chance for a struggling guy to leave his babe when he finally made money is so high like 80%.

money gives you access to things you never has access before, by that your are exposed to new things

If you were doing shopping by the market or street corner, you now drive to the supermarket and the super market you are exposed to more people, who are glowing not those under the shade at the market

izonborn098:
First marriage is not for two strict people, one has to fall mugu or better still overlook and accept many things.
A graduate is more advance and have some white man mentality because they are educated and can read whatever both online and offline while am uneducated woman has am africa mentality which she knows the man is the head of the house, she can accept many of his mistakes just as u forgive ur children of their mistakes but am educated wife take everything serious because of pride and entitle mentality there by competing with her husband.
You can take advantage of ur uneducated wife in so many occasions compared to the educated one.
If u have an uneducated women who is business minded and has understanding then just open business for her and have a happy family e.g orhobo and igbo women are very good examples, while an educated working woman will some times prefer her work more than the marriage all because she want to be dependent.
Op their are more but just

some last becoz the uneducated can be trapped due not having the confidense to startover their own life

Ask yourself why some men go back to the village to find a woman to marry? someone with less confidence is easy to manupilate, easy to manupilate means you can make feel that they cant live without you

Maria96:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CwqlI-7ohca/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Wahala

there is more to the story

but this is the law in UK, if you are on dependant visa and your partner inform home office to remove you, you will given the opportunity to prove to home office that you have been working and also you can leave on your own.

Its in your favour if you have been working already, hard if you had been a stay in daddy

From the story i think wife played him
by making sure that he wont see the notice to cancel his visa and then make sure you will only see letter to leave UK

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

the only thing a registered marriage would stop is marrying before divorcing

She has no future plans with you and having a registered marriage with you will stop her marrying someone else

TimT:
Rugby and cricket aren't African games... Isn't even African origin...
And besides, Rugby is a winter sport... These are not African games....

Very few exposed African individuals has the idea of the game...

what does being african got to do with it ?

football is not african the modern football has its roots in UK

the reason why soccer is found everywhere is becoz it doesnt require much it can be played anywhere

while sports like rugby and cricket needs good green fields and equipment, hence by both colonisation and funding, black would not bother take part in such sports

Evestar200:
They are running to cross their opponent's goal line to drop the ball and score points.

During that process you see the defending team trying to get the ball from the team with the ball and it becomes physical because once your opponent crosses your goalline they already get 5 points and once that the same player drops the ball to the ground in the opponent goal line he is awarded a try which is 2 points.

So a team can score 7 points each time they cross an opponent's goal line. The team with the highest points wins the game.

While a normal Rugby game is 40 minutes each half, Rugby sevens which consist of 7 players is 7 minutes each.

Don't worry, Rugby Sevens Olympic qualifiers tournament is this month and Nigeria will partake in it. Once you watch it you will understand it. Rugby is easy to understand, the one am still trying to understand is cricket.

you failed to mention the most important thing when passing the ball to your team mate, your team mate the one recieving the ball has to be at an angle that he is behind the one throwing the ball aka if you are standing with your arms strethed out 180 degrees, and any degree above 180 degree towards your back is considered as proper pass, if you pass from an degree angle 180 degree forwards your front is called a forward pass then called a forward pass its a foul your lose the ball and its given to the opponet

If you look carefully every pass in rugby is given to the person behind the one who has the ball

TimT:
Rugby and cricket aren't African games... Isn't even African origin...
And besides, Rugby is a winter sport... These are not African games....

Very few exposed African individuals has the idea of the game...

rugby winter sport nope

it depends with country rugby and are common sport even in skols in countries like zimbabwe and south african

Ekitibiased:
UK life is a predictable boring triangle


Home > Work > Church

its like that becoz people over work to send money back home fail to have fun while here

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

you had the right to defend yourself but i think you did it wrongly

1st you should have reminded him that, yes am
cam home late but "If raised me well and try me" then you should worry about what people think and say becoz you raised me well

2nd saying you are above 18 you are now challenging him in his own house, you should have not said that

3rd Remind him off all the good he has taught you and how much you have gained from his teaching and gaudiance

4th whether good or bad people will always talk, he doesnt have to live based on what people say but what makes him and his family happy

homesteady:
I've seen some cases where some men don't eat their wife's food because she made him angry or they had a little disagreement!!But is this really a punishment?? Who bears the brunt of the punishment?? Is it not the man?? LOL!!
I need married Men and women in this forum to give us answers!!

its stupid concept of a man throwing tuntrams, instead of really talking about the issue

And women have been taught to accept the stupid idea

No different to a child refusing leave the store becoz mum refused to by a toy s/he likes

Mimicle101:
No. I take it you must be wrong.

These story is so sweet in the first place. Believe me I have been in the shoe of that husband.

And my wife could make the story so good and sweet and say she does everything in the house even went ahead to tell her family the same.

Which is not true.

Look. The truth of these matter is that.

Madam here, dont or no longer love her husband. Due to his inability to provide as he used to. She feels only hatred, and despise him. She has went through stages of suffering and supporting her home and the husband. So now she feels he'll no!

The truth again is that.

Woman of today Are not able to carry the pressure and amount of responsibilities that comes with marriage.

Only 1 child or 2. See them shouting. And reducing the man to zero value.

But our mothers had 8, 9 kids then but they still worked together to support and build there marriage.

So my final thought here is.

Due to the time we are in.

Life of immorality, adultery. Lack of self respect. Life of competition and wanting to be like others. Not cutting the cloths according to the size, Life of personal interest in marriages are the major reasons while these stories keeps on coming about our marriages of today.

Life and marriage could be very sweet and beautiful if only we went back to the drawing board and know that marriage is for better and for worse..

Loving and being a die hard fan and supporter of the person you claim you love.

When the husband is down... the wife would recognize these and push him up. Vice-versa

You say woman nowadays are not able too carry the pressure of family responsibility

Have you asked yourself who made them to be that way ? Men we are the ones who chance charm them by spoiling them during dating and in marriage she asked to stop working because you want to look more responsible etc

So now we see them as spoiled little brats but the question is who spoiled them .

Nazgul:
I advised him based on his post. Didn't you read it?

He said it's an old house in his village by the stream. Therefore I believe it's safe to conclude that someone waiting to inherit an old village house doesn't have money to build his own. Infact he doesn't even have any reasonable job to begin with that can make him own a property.

And reality isn't like Nollywood movies where you'll go to the city and in a few months time, you're back in the village to erect a mansion. To dig foundation of a 3bedroom bungalow up to lintel level in the most remote villages in Nigeria today would cost you over 3m. Someone without a reasonable income cannot be able to afford that, it's not about writing motivational speeches, it's about reality.

His best bet is to wait for the uncle's demise then take back what's his.

you missed my point, my point is not about him building a house in the city, but even in the village cant he have his own land ?

Nazgul:
Is there a written will from your grandfather stating that he's giving you ownership of the house, if there isn't, it would be impossible to bring in the law cos your uncle would claim that your grandfather (who is his own father) never made such statement and you wouldn't have any evidence to back yourself.

Secondly, you can't kick him out, cos he's your uncle and your grandfather is his own father. So no one in the family would support your actions, and would openly challenge you if you choose to tow that path. Your best option would be to wait until he dies, and during that wait, keep telling everyone that cares to listen that your grandfather passed down that house to you, but your uncle is occupying it for now.

Once he dies, you can eject his wife and children and take over your property. And no one would be able to challenge you cos they would know that the house rightfully belongs to you.

i respect your view on the subject but i challenge your view, why wait for him to die to occupy the house than working harder to have his own house and create legacy that he can pass on to his own kids. Sounds evil to simply wait for someone to die inorder to inherit something from them

Its nice that the property has been passed on generation to generation, waiting for someone to die in order to inherit, sounds like the person that is waiting to inherit is lazy type, work and have your own property

hardasan:
You're not getting my point, wether Christian traditions or cultural traditions. A tradition that has overstayed it's welcome must either adjust or be trashed.
This idea of paying brideprice especially exorbitant amounts that make women seem like merchandise should stop.

Our culture is beautiful and I'm not saying that it should be scrapped. I'm just saying that it's not perfect and we shouldn't keep bleeding ourselves to satisfy it's blood lust.

Let's keep the beautiful traditions and throw away the parts that have outlived their usefulness

1 was trying to make you understand that both our african and western tradition require some monies to be paid or spent

2 i agree on exorbitant amount there are wrong, but do we have to throw away our culture becoz of few rotten apple ?

3 pride price should be and must be there, let uproot those families that makes it look bad

Failure2019:
My grandpa just died. My grandpa didn’t have a whole lot of wealth to his name, but he did own a house.
An old house out in the village by a stream, passed down through my family for countless generations.
My family may’ve not taken as good care of it as they should, but I still loved that house. To me it was more than just a house.
And now in his will, your grandpa has left the house for me to look after, in the hopes my family will live in it for many generations to come.
But, there’s a problem.
Before my grandpa had passed away he’d lent the house out to my uncle and his family.
Now that the house was my, I kindly let them know they can no longer live there, and that they must move back to their previous home (which they still own and visit from time to time).
But they refuse. My uncle says that because his family currently lives there, they have just as much claim on the house as you.
And because my uncle and his wife and children (each) are in greater need of the house, it now belongs to them.
He explains that as long as they live in the house they have the right to be called its owner, no matter who lived in it before.
Besides, why should I care if my uncle's family takes over the house? It’s still the same house no matter who lives in it, right?
My uncle then tells me to leave his home, or he will call the police.
How do I react?

there information i that is missing here, your grandpa left you a house through his will, and apparently your uncle is living there, where is your father? or his other brothers/sisters

You mentioned your family which family is this, your fathers? how man are they or you mean your own family

hardasan:
A traditional white wedding is none of our business and it's still not a good reason why we should continue practicing damaging traditions.

The modern white wedding a.k.a church wedding has adapted to the changing times and this is why it's more widely practiced and accepted.

All that's needed there is the consent of the parents of the bride or someone representing them, a priest and two witnesses.
Shikena!

You nau have the ability to tweak it according to your financial capacity or choices.
Some people do bridal train that's like half a village, na their money.
Some people use limousine as the wedding car, na Dem sabi.
Some do reception, some no do reception na dem want am like that.

A tradition that places a financial requirement for everyone should make the minimum amount affordable for anyone in such a way that even beggars can afford it. So people stop using money as an excuse to not do the right thing

i get your point

but you are failing to understand where tradition/custom, law and church meet


In most cases a church wedding comes after traditional marriage or registy of marriage, unless if your church and the pastor are certified to conduct registry marriages

Do you know the difference between registry and the ceremony ?

hardasan:
We all understand the past, but we're holding on to some outdated forms of the traditions for selfish reasons.

Brideprice has no reason to cause financial headache otherwise it should be scrapped.

even a traditional white wedding does the same

unfortunately many people are abusing the these traditions

hardasan:
For a culture to survive, it has to be dynamic and responsive to changing times.

I love how you put it "before modern times"

Times have changed, daughters aren't farming and their marriage doesn't stop them from supporting their family if they wish to, so hasn't that tradition overstayed it's welcome?

If you know me, you'll know I'm a cultural lover but I can't swallow trash because I want to be cultural.

Why are we wearing English wears? Before the modern times, weren't we wearing grass or even wearing nothing? We conveniently did away with the unclothedness, what about the murder of twins, isn't that our culture ?

What about the culture of women marrying women?
What about the culture where women on their periods shouldn't be touched with a long pole to avoid defilement and neutralization of whatever......

When times change traditions adjust or end up in the dustbins of history

i agree that cultute is dynamic and moves woth time, the dynamic is the change from
the past, not knowing and understanding yout past leaves you confused in the present time

melonsgroup:
Please I need a romantic name to call my husband.

are you serious ?

Usually nicknames come through observing the character of a person and name them
after something u see in them

hardasan:
I only mentioned brideprice, you brought traditional and white wedding and even ring into it.

So let's face our own tradition.
The idea of a price to be paid to symbolize commitment sounds romantic and godly.

What has 50 tubers of yam got to do with a marriage's success?
Does 1m naira brideprice as hefty as it is stop a couple from divorcing when things don't work out between them?
Why will a man ask his fellow man to build a house for him in the name of brideprice?
Why should an entire kindred chop from one person's wedding? Is that even fair?
What has flogging a man got to do with becoming a good husband?

Brideprice shouldn't be more than 10,000naira equivalent.
Anything else added is hypocrisy and man's inhumanity to man.

Otherwise, do away with brideprice entirely.

a white wedding is a traditional wedding to western and eastern europe so its equall a traditional wedding as our own cultural, tribal or traditional african one, the only difference is in the western world it has been incoperated into One were registery and wedding can be done at the same time aka registry and ceremony

Then i mentioned the ring under western tradition were the ring cost a bit of money and i compared it with part of bride price money or whatever

As for why 50 tubers etc, you need to search on what was basic living before modern world, marrying off your daughter was also loosing two hands that would have helped in ploughing the fields etc, marrying off you get compersented and also in law bring feed to each that day and other days to come, that were this concept of all food staff etc

And also it showed the hustle skill of the son-on law and his family

However the modern life has made marrying a very commercial transaction were some family are trully seeing daughters

Some people like youself are now focusing, on those who have abused the traditional marrying ways, while abuse is there, their still other people who are still reasonable not greedy

LittleBigDick:
I finally got a $75k a year job
My family told me to find a GF that works a white collar job who can be a wife
TFW my current GF works at a hair salon and they said this in front of her

not all jobs shape the character of a person, african especially we associate some jobs with character of person before really knowing the person, saloon is one of them

However, you the power to influence/ encourage to climb up the ladder in terms of jobs, unless she finds it her calling and passion

hardasan:
Is brideprice payment even a right tradition?

yes it,

lock at this a white wedding it is western and easter tradition

In the western tradition of a wedding, the guy buy a ring, not a cheap ring No thats equally to may be half of the bride price of an africa traditonal pride price

there are 3 problem with us africans

1 at 1st a white wedding was seen and used a sign to show off how wealth you are, compared to african traditional one

2 we have made to believe by the coloners that our own traditional wedding are nothing but equally there are both traditional, the only difference is that a white wedding can held with in-coperation with laws aka registering

3 Most african we know little of the actual white wedding tradition, we only capture the ceremony with knowing what really happens

here is the link to understand a typical western traditional white wedding
https://www.bridesdiary.com.au/planning-your-wedding/articles/246/wedding-budget-etiquette-who-pays-for-what

xin5:
I feel so relaxed about life generally. Even when I'm broke and I don't have the money at hand, I laugh because everything my parent own is all going to be mine in few years time. I don't bother them about money that much I just sit and enjoy the little I get.
Too much inheritance, including what they inherited from their own parents in different state and locations, that's all mine. Sometimes I don't know if I can take care of everything.
I already know the ones I put up for sale like my maternal grandmother side we rarely visit there.I have so many future plans, but wouldn't want to sound like I'm praying for my parents death. I love them so much but as a growing man I have to plan now.

you are in mature

those who usually inherit, blood and swear of others, without their achievement to show off usually end up blowing the inheritance simply because they lack the sense of budgeting and mananging things and are reckless becoz they never learnt fundermental through managing their own things

hardasan:
A parent is one who raised us up not a sperm donor.
We care about their approval because their opinion and happiness matters to us.
I definitely won't rate the opinion of a man who made zero attempt to be a father to me even though he knew about me.

If I had a deadbeat dad, seeing his tears won't move me like seeing the tears of the one who raised me.

i respect your opinion and we differ thats fine but the honest truth most people find it hard, ho go ahead and marry without parents approval

Dont get me wrong am not in support of deadbeat dad behaviour

hardasan:
I don't believe in bloodline curses...... It's a lie from the pit of hell used to chain people to traditions that have outgrown their use.

Back to the matter, I don't want any deadbeat mis-relative to attend my wedding even if he's my blood father. And if he Waka pass by mistake, he shouldn't even be given a plate of rice talkless of something.

Forget about curses, I don't believe in them, they can't work on me, they work on those who believe in them.

Fair enough thats your view on the subject but ask yourself why most people dont feel comfortable, when there is no parents approval of there wife to be or husband to be ?

Some call it approval and blessing, from parents

wy2000:
I don't know your culture but in Igbo culture the man who paid for the women bride price owns her children.

There is nothing like biological there.

in our culture, before the man would own the child, now things have changed you both own the child, i guess this is to with modern life of school etc where both must contribute to raising the child, whether separated or not

hardasan:
There's no reason for the man to be invited if the girl doesn't want him to be invited.

Her life has been going well without his blessings anyway.

It's disrespectful and an insult, it's demeaning to tell me that someone must be in my wedding despite my refusal, so I don't have a right to determine who comes or not?
Even if my mum lied about him, that's between him and my mum, it doesn't automatically make me and him besties and it doesn't automatically make him my father and I definitely will NEVER discard the man who raised me for a sperm donor.
I don't reward bad behaviour.
He knew me and chose to be absent in my life due to his fall out with my mum, so he has to keep being absent on the best day of my life as well.
It's possible my mother was in the wrong but he never bothered to even say hi or attempt to make acquaintance with me on the road, market, at school etc all my life so he's literally dead as far as I'm concerned.

[[b][/And if my fiance meets him secretly to give him any acknowledgement of any kind, that's his[
own business. E concern the two of them. My real father who raised me must get everything he deserves and be the only father representing me on my day.

[b]Where I come from, an uncle or even stranger who raised a child from infant to maturity takes the brideprice. The parents may be present but when you present the brideprice to them, they'll call the person who raised her and hand it over to the person.[/b]The person may insist that the biological parents have a share in it, that's up to the person to decide. Infact, that person takes a higher position than the biological parents. If that person if offended, or even curses that child, nothing the biological parents can do about it.

You don't even forget the nanny who looked after a child especially a girl child, the nanny is usually appreciated with a basket of provisions. Lack of money is why it's not often practiced.

When a man gets a woman pregnant, he should support the child irrespective of the differences he has with the child's mother and not sit his lazy ass somewhere counting the years till he can come and claim brideprice as the "Biological Sperm Donor"

I feel soooo angry.

we are saying almost the same thing though there is a slight difference

Where i came from regardless that the step father was raised the child, aslong the biological father is alive and their relationship was known, he is notified or invited if not his relatives eg his sister

The invitation gives a chance to the son in law to know the biological father. Then if the girl was raised by either the mum alone or step father, thr bride price goes the mums family, then if the mum's family wants to give a token of appriciation the step father is given something

The biological father if he has not paid bride price for the mum he gets nothing, he is given something for is turn up. if he had paid bride price he is also given something but greater compared to that of not paying

The reason why the father is informed ot invited its due to what africans beliefs to say each family has it own family curse etc, so lets say your wife start to have those curse/family spiritual things, who is gonna solve it for you ifs its said its from your fathers side ? Your step father wont be able to sort it out for you, its need your bloodline relatives.

The step father will be always appriciated by the daughter she raised, bride price its one day event, whereas the girl has more year to bless the step father

PrimadonnaO:
What's your cultural extraction?

as in what ?

mastermaestro:
All this you spewed here is indulging dereliction of fatherly responsibility. Your culture is a very faulty one created by a set of chauvinistic men who believed that men can do no wrong no matter the magnitude of wrongs they are caught in.

A father is not a sperm donor. Otherwise, this sets societies back. Somebody makes a mess and yet receives an honour medal because culture dictates so. Get over this rubbish culture now!

An irresponsible man must not be handed the honour badge of fatherhood. Fatherhood without responsibility is criminality. You have a criminal culture I must say.

the culture punishes a absent father, if he didnt pay bride price for the girl's mother, on the day of the girl's marriage the father is invited but he wont recieve the bride price as the family of the mother of the girl will claim there own bride price therefore the father of the girl walks with nearly nothing but the most important thing the son in law would have seen and meant the biological father of the girl

hardasan:
Nonsense, so adopted children don't get married traditionally?
What about sperm donor babies? They'll look for the sperm donor?

Stupid nonsense tradition meant to hold women bound

i think you missed my point, the father is invited but he doesnt get much of the bride price, if he didnt pay bride price of the mum, on the daughter of his daughter'w bride price, the father's in laws claims their bride price therefore the father of the girl only get a token for being the biological father the rest goes to the parents of the woman (who are the maternal grant parents of the girl)

Kennie28:
Poster seems you lack knowledge and information. A man that didn't pay the bride price of his child's mother cannot take that of the child. All the men telling you to locate that infidel is because egos are being trampled on. Give honour to whom it is due, to raise a child from infancy to adulthood is not a child's play not to talk more of another's child,when it's time to reap the fruits of his labour and you deem it fit to give it to an infidel? it would be a crime against nature and humanity and sin against God for a man shall not reapeth where he did not soweth. Let sleeping dogs lie!

where i came from, if the man didnt pay the bride price for the child mother, when the child get married the father is invited to witness the ceremony, but he wont get the bride price of his daughter, when the son in law pay the bride price to the father, the parents of the mother now collect their bride price from hims (aka the father

Therefore in simple terms, "you didnt pay for the child's mother bride price, now you wont get the bride price of your daughter, its goes to pay for the child's mother bride price

So idea works in two ways one, whether you were raised by a step father from day you were born, bride price should be received by your bloodline, your father but if your father is owing the bride price, his own in laws will demand it therefor the father will walk with just a token but the rest has been grabbed by the in laws, ad for the step father she shouldnt recieve bride price for bloodline which is not his, no matter how much he contributed to the child

Then the reason they want the father to be there on the bride price day its to do
with spirituality, whereby through either traditional worship or christaing, its about the unification of those two biological parents of the child, eg in african spirituality your ancestors/forefathers are told that out child is married etc, a step father can not do that becoz there have no blood or spiritual/forefathers link

Remember in african spirituality there are problems were one is asked to bring biological parents, it can mom or daddy's size, with a step father how is going to do that ?

Step father is usually appriciated by the person he raised

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

this is complex but it differs tradition of every tribe etc

where i came from son in law can ONLY pay bride price to the biological father in law or the women's family. if the child was raised by the mother alone, the biological father will
be present at the bride price day to witness and given a little token, but the large sum is given to the mum and her brothers



In my culture a step father can not represent a living biological father not matter the reason
they separated from the mother and whether deadbeat.

In my culture, if the father was absent when the girl was growing up and when she is getting married the biological father is invited to charge bride and the same time they will
charge him for being an absent father. if he had not paid bride price, they will charge him pride price, meaning instead of getting pride price from him daughter it will go pay the bride price of the girl's mother

For spiritual reason you pay bride price
to the biological father


In such situations your own family (son in laws) must guide you in finding the biological father or or his relatives, otherwise you pay pride price twice

Back to the story, lets say he pays bride price to the step father and in the long run the couple fights or have problems in house, which family will intervene to help ? the step father's family ? but if pride price is paid to the biological father its easy to seek help from relevent people from the biological father's family there are related by blood.