₦airaland Forum

Magnoliaa:
What is the point of this whataboutism?


And let us even play a little 'game' of numbers, even though it involves actual lives: I triple dare you to go and look at the death of oil rig workers in FIVE COUNTRIES put together in A YEAR, and compare it to maternal deaths DAILY, 2 deaths every fuvking minute—e nor reach!

I will be waiting.


The way you people will just be whipping up oil rig workers in every biases you have against women when ON AVERAGE, dem nor dey pass 50 people wey dey die. In a fuçking year.

Don't take my word for it; go and check.

And finally, do you know the meaning of sacrifice at all, seeing as that is the point the OP is making?

You are missing one thing, maternal death is mostly due to poor health systems of individual countries

Do more research you will see that high maternal rates are from most poor countries

According to some google facts Nigeria is number 3


So what you think is a sacrifice is not, your fear is due to poor health system that puts women at risky

Simeonjoe1:
Well that the African way also South America too in fact most part of the world.
The most prosperous in the family will always pay his taxes to the family. In western system its paid to the government who in turn invest in other areas but here you pay into your family. That's the woven of our society, don't be deceive to fully adopt an alienated concept that will cause division between you and your family and its extension because they won't see it as such.

you got no idea of whay you are talking about, you talk without thinking deep, using your concept cant you see that s/he would be double taxed by both family and government

Simeonjoe1:
There's nothing wrong with black tax. And Nigerians are not dangerous people, infact we are one of the best. Why then are Nigerians bad? Because of our hard socioeconomic climate. Bad economy brings the worst and desperation in people hence Nigeria factor.

The abroad you mentioned, men earned way more than women, men contribute way more in the family than women (its never 50/50, a research even shows that men contributed 70% to household finances in the US, and in some 100%).
This shows even in advance society men will always contribute more financially, that's why the advocacy for equal gender pay is still a touching stone.

Make God just provide for everybody (all men out there). Nature is never fair to men. Men are created to toil and suffer for others before you'll even consider yourself.

do you understand black tax, black tax is wrong eg its not the duty of the 1st child to send his young brothers to skol, its the parents, lets plan the children we want to have against our productive years meaning your own sweat sends your own children to skol not another child

translux:
Any Husband that is asking the wife for what she's bringing to the table isn't yet matured for a marriage, This is the 14th year that I got married to my wife and for the fact that I have been footing 100 percent of the bills till date, I have never for a day asked my wife for what she's bringing to the table, for the facts that we have somany responsibilities, I aways encourage her in the past that things will get better with time but we thank God Almighty that he has blessed our marriage with everything in life.

one ask such becoz the woman would be demanding what herself cant even provide

eg how many women wants a man who drives a range rover but her self cant even afford the cheapest car ger own parent doesnt even own a wheelbarrow

There is nothing wrong to aim high, but aim for things you are able to sustain as individual

Farki:
Eventually the men will even get tired, that's when the emotional blackmail will start.

"He abandoned me" "Men are scum" "Men only care about themselves" meanwhile the idiot won't mention all the trouble she caused previously.

True

as for men we need to each our daughter to have the mind to bring something on the table than to be looked at as an item that can be replaced

Farki:
Whether there's a man involved or not women desire to have children and even get pregnant.

The excuse of "I bring my womb to the table" is used to justify being a selfish partner. If your only contribution to the relationship is something you do naturally then you aren't really contributing.

When the child is born are you going to dump it with your husband because you have "done your part?".

when you look deep, us men we are the ones who have made those women think and behave suck aka i bring the womb on the table

i shall highlight two things

1 Modernization

With the coming of whites and formation of towns etc it change the roles of the woman outside the bedroom and kitchen. Even today we still ask our women buy saying i will look after you. Whar does it mean, it simply means i will provide most of the things in our life while u sit at home and manage. Before the white men, were in villages both men and women had specific roles and they all brought something on the table,, with now towns women nolonger need to fetch water from the river its there few step in the kitchen or yard, no firewood fetching the stove is there electric or kerosine. This attracted a village girl when boy promised to marry her and take to the city, this was the begining of self entitlement of our women

2 Able bodied

The main reason we look down on marrying a disabled person, is due to the set up old ways of living were all men and women brought something on the table by doing gender based roles that put food on the table, Life before urbabisation was based on labour farming and hunt and gathering. A disabled person wasnt a good idea person to marry and most were killed at child birth

My point is at some point in time our women brought something on the table and some still do, those entitle are caused by us men and i have explained it above

Us men are the one we feed those self entitled by promising to look after them than saying looking after eacjh other

Mindlog:
No, in today's world it is an option as not every woman is biologically able to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy to full term.....that is why surrogacy exists as an option for such women who intend to have children.

There is another group of women who struggle with tokophobia (intense fear of pregnancy, which makes them do everything possible to avoid getting pregnant and giving birth even when sexually active) and this is a mental health condition that needs intense cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) sessions to challenge it.

You missed the big point

the issue here is not about those who have conditions that makes it hard them to naturally concieve and give birth

But majority of those who can naturally concieve and give birth but think its sacrifice on its own when in fact its not, its the natural way of doing it if you want to have your own child, so once again you can not sacrifice on things you are meant to be doing/solely responsible of doing eg if your want to be a biological father, you must sleep with a woman, in notmal circumstances you cant say i sacrificed to be a biological father, when you too you want your own kids


As most africans we being emotionally abused by our parents with the words sacrifice, we now think one's natural and legal responisiblity is now a sacrifice, when infact its your responsibility from the start

Crosby24:
Then you did not understand the the topic of this discuss

what u said before this, is it relevent both to the topic or to even to what i said

Crosby24:
Men make money not the opposite so you cannot over look the importance Man as a blessing instead sacrifice.

did you understand what i said? who talked about overlooking the importance of man ?

Crosby24:
Any how you put it at that point it's not robots that will do the work for you but human so having children is not sacrifice but a necessity

have you have heard the phrase money talks

it simply means money makes things happen, eg if parents have pension funds through different means it mean they can hire people to do things for them while their own child are also working to raise money that will help them in old age

dont get me wrong, yes we should look after our parents but in all that we should also make plans for our old age so that our children are able to make money that will look after them in their old age than putting the 100% burden our children

Crosby24:
Investment is not limited to money

yes thats true, but you know what i mean, in most african set up its not about emotional family support but money, so pliz stop trying to hide behind your finger

Kemnikky:
if you don't know you better know now and get it straight that it is a sacrifice for a woman to give birth to your children. Are you aware that some women tend to use pills in order not to conceive, some will even tell you that they are not ready for childbirth and give you a clause to them conceiving. More so, marriage is a contract and a covenant, you both are meant together if you have children fine, if you don't fine as well, it all depends on both of you. The woman makes lots of sacrifices in her life right from the day she starts conceiving till her last breath. I don't want to go further on it. A resounding word should be enough. Treat women right and appreciate her more. My little kobo.

Are you saying your woman is baby making machine ? hence you say your children? its our children

Naturally if we want children we know the process, labour pains, pregnant related illness etc, if my woman doesnt want all those before and after effects of bringing a child into the world, then she make sure you wont get pregnant and cry the child to full term

So my question to you is who is she sacrificing herself to ? when she also wants kids

Crosby24:
What are investment for, you do something that'll benefits you "positively" tomorrow.

a child is not an investment, money in bank, pension fund etc can make a better decision for me in future that relaying on child

AbuTwins:
It's a sacrifice!

Sacrifice is to give up (something valued) for the sake of other considerations.

What didn't she give up to nourish the baby from gestation to delivery to lactation to other baby care?

Have you seen a woman deliver a baby live before?
Have you washed and bury a baby born dead before?
Have you dealt with the trauma after such?

you cant reason

let me take baby step with you

whats it her choice to have sex ?

Did she know that giving birth can have complications?

All those are choices she made, its like committing a crime and not wanting to go jail

Tell me, to who is she sacrificing herself ? its her natural way to have a child no two ways about it


Since she wants children, who is supposed to carry the 9months for her ? Who is supposed to make sure that the baby get all needed for the babe to be health?


Stop mixing pain, process and emotions of giving birth and the choices, resposibility and natural ways to achieve something in this case having kids

If you want to highlight the emotions and the pain you saw in women giving birth go ahead but dont mix it with sacrifice, if you want to give birth natural thats the only way, you have to make that decision alone

Crosby24:
Dear having children is not sacrifice but a blessing or rather it more like investing for your feature. For example my mom is too old that she can't recognize her environment she don't know where her next meal coming from,her condition has changed my perceptions about importance of children and life in general

i differ on investment, but let give u a chance to explain the investment to us

AbuTwins:
I disagree!

It's a big sacrifice and that's why it is a life or death situation!

I have witnessed a stillbirth that was tried to manage for about a week before it was flushed!

I have witnessed three successful labors and I was wholly present physically in one seeing how the baby came out!

I witnessed how the tears were sutured!
I felt the pains and bore the trauma with her!
You can't really imagine seeing a baby come out live and direct!

Abeg It's a big sacrifice!

God bless all mothers!
But make them remember the pain and raise good kids!

are you saying, breathing air is also a sacrifice ?

My angle is giving birth is a choice unless one was raped

The rest choose to have sex which leads to being pregnant and results in giving birth, all that process is a choice one makes meaning you can not choose two

whereas sacrifice is something that puts you off your own plans egg, looking after someone's child, its a sacrifice becoz they went out of their own originals plans

You cant claim sacrifice to things that you are meant to be doing either naturally or due to a choice you have made, eg you can not claim to sacrifice in looking after your own kids, becoz its a choice you made in having unprotected sex and resulted in one getting pregnant and child, therefore the child is your responsibility not anyone else

Dont mix sacrifice and hard times women go through when givinh birth there are two separate things

Sacrifice simply means putting away your own plans and dealing with or tanging along someone's plans aka spending time and money etc at someone plans than your own plans

Virgo3:
lol if you know how many women wey Don die from child birth or during/after You go know say nah life and death situation. The mortality rates are out der; 1 out of every 7 women die of complications from child birth. Due to economic settings, they should support but don't talk about der preg shiiii

they have a choice not to give birth to avoid that

You dont know the meaning or sacrifice, the word has been manupilated by most parents when they say i sacrificed for you, have you ever asked yourself when parents say i sacrificed for you who do they mean who was supposed to look after you besides themselve?

A sacrifice is something that you do out of your way, is getting pregnant and giving birth something out of your way or something you make a choice to do and nature takes it place

gbaskiboy:
Please don't say that again unless you are not appreciative. Many women married has refused to get pregnant because of horrible experience associated with pregnancy and childbirths.

you just agreed to what am saying without noticing, they made a choice not get pregnant. if different from getting pregnant and you claim to Sacrifice once you get pregnant its either a natural birth or C section therefore you claim sacrifice becoz there are no two ways of pain in either during birth or after birth you will still feel the pain

Sacrifice is made by people who are forced to do things that was never in there plans or solving other people's problem by getting involved directly eg a person looking after his brother/sister's kids, they sacrifice their own time and resources, thats a sacrifice

Getting pregnant is a choice not a sacrifice

Gjrich:
A Proud American Woman With Two Husbands And Three Children Is Causing A Stir Online.

“Sign of the end times” —Proud American woman with two husbands causes stir online
An American woman, Passion Jones has caused a ruckus online after she showed off her two husbands and the sons she has with each of them in a family portrait for Thanksgiving.

The woman is quite famous on social media and is on Instagram as passionjonesz12 where she is an influencer for many brands.

She is an advocate of Polyamory and her marriage to both husbands is a testament to this.

The 31-year-old woman got married at 20 to her first husband and only began her polyamorous relationship when she was 30 years old.

“Sign of the end times” —Proud American woman with two husbands causes stir online
The American woman and her two husbands.
She confessed in the Podcast they do together as a Polyamorous couple that she had no idea she would ever want to get married to two men but now she loves it.

Her first husband with whom she has two children together claims he was not forced to do it neither is he jealous as he enjoys the experience.

Her second and most recent husband whom she just had a baby is quite young and very comfortable with the marriage.

The husbands say they take turns in getting her pregnant, that way, they know who the father of the child is.

their misinformation of the scenario, as in most western countries, you can legally marry one husband or wife

So legal basic she is married to one husband and second man is just a boyfriend

Rich4god:
Am lending my voice to this thread
https://www.nairaland.com/7922406/wife-why-life-women-complicated#127165126

A couple of days back, my wife put to bed using CS. Initially we had a baby before, I a know how complicated and painful the pregnancy and childbirth was.

Now I was in the theatre during the CS and I saw first hand how someone's abdomen was sliced open and the baby pulled out. I also saw how doctors were putting their hands into someone's abdomen and how they finally stitched her up. It wasn't an easy sight to behold. Right now, she's recovering, but the pain she's passing through is much.

To me, this is the highest form of sacrifice that someone can give for the family.

So to the men and husband out there..... before you ask your wife to be "what she is bringing to table", kindly think about the sacrifice they make in bringing your children to the world.

their is nothing called SACRIFICE on things that you are meant to be doing, giving birth is not a sacrifice it nature their is no two ways about it if you want a
child

Chvenigltd:
Honor your father and mother...
Obey your parents...
Are two different individuals

Father and mother - God the father and God the holy ghost. 'Honour'.

Parents - your biological father and mother. 'Obey'.

who said honour is for god only

Spending123:
Good morning Nairalanders

There is this issue bothering me pertaining to what happened at home some time ago.

I was called by my Uncle's wife to go help and buy her some recharge card which she stated and I quote

She: Ade Ade!! When you're done take this money and go get me recharge card.

Me: OK ma.

But on looking at the time (4:36) in which am supposed to throw away dirty at once since we do have a specific time which people are allowed to do that (5:00 pm till 9:00pm).

After some minutes, she called and asked me if I have gone to get the card she asked me to buy which I answered no and stated my reason

Me: Am waiting for the time to get to 5:00pm so I can buy the card for you and throw away dirty at the same time.

In which She told me that she needed it urgently, I should go buy it immediately which I did.

On coming back home, she started screaming in the presence of my Uncle how I disrespected her for saying I want the time to get to 5:00 pm so I can go buy her the card and throw away dirty at the same time, what stopped me from going it twice?

I told her the reason why I said so was because am feeling a little bit feverish due to lot of stress from school today and that's the reason why I said such.
Even why trying to explain things to her, she told me she don't care, if I want to die I should go ahead and die there that it's non of her business and so much ranting.


Pls Nairalandders, did what I said sound like an insult or any form of showing disrespect to someone? Even thou I still pleaded with her that am sorry, but all hell was let loosed.

Pls I need your humble opinion on this.


Cc. Seun
Cc.Mynd44
Cc.OAM4J

Please front page.

One thing you should understand about african customs, is that aslong you are the younger person your personal option do not count when an elder person ask you to do something

Hence you find that its a vicious circle whereby the younger cant wait to be older and repeat the evil treatment that used to happen to him/her on the young ones


On this one you wont win even when your reason makes sense, elder people usually put their frustration of there personal issue on the young ones

kelvinmnet:
It pointed me to the front right wheel speed sensor and I replaced it. I could not find the complete length so I bought the cut and join, still same.
How does one even test a speed sensor without connection to the car?

You need to know the range of ohms, when using a test meter

kelvinmnet:
I have changed the faulty one after scanning, yet the lights wont go off.

when you scanned it, scan pin point which sensor among the four wheels ? becoz if the scan pin pointed the right wheel

then its easy trace the all wires to that wheel

ExudeLoveToAll:
It doesn't follow the way you described, many didn't have men who are autocratic while been in the leadership role but just switched when things go south for him.

Most times the set of women who think that they have no reason to contribute to family finance and find themselves in it turn out to be a torn in the flesh of their financially disadvantaged spouse .

thats your own view

let ask, where do these women learn to behave like such

usually a behaviour is learnt from the surroundings

Dainy1:
But why?
Once she starts providing everything for the family, the se.xua.l attention becomes zero.

What's your opinion about a woman working hard to feed the family and depriving her husband intimacy?

Especially in a situation where she sees her man as a lazy man who is not putting on more effort to take on his responsibilities.

Does it mean she don't feel Hot some times as well?

usually its shift of power

what do i mean, usually its a pattern they learnt from the husband when he used to be the breadwinner. He would abuse his breadwinner role which " money is equal to power " and power can be used to abuse whoever relay on your money which is in most cases, its the wives who relay on money from the man


So when woman becames breadwinner, she taste the power of having money = power

divines:
Re:

Am 28, a businessman & a part time student. I hope to get married in 2yrs, but unfortunately, contrary to my wish to marry a graduate my yet-to-be wife is a school cert holder.

She is brainy, as a result of that, she behave and speaks like a graduate. (Which am quite comfortable with)

According to her, come next year she expect to start making arrangement towards furthering her education (as she must wait for her older sister to graduate as a result of inadequate financial resources of their parents)

Please fellas, Should I wait quit the relationship, wait for her to finish her studies, marry her when she is half way in the school, or marry her and let her also pass thru part time studies.

She posses the qualities I look forward to in a wife (I haven't proposed as I want to be sure)

Please I will appreciate a full and properly analysed advice.

Thank you in anticipation.

Being educated doesnt mean you are educated in everything in life, it simply means you are educated in your study of field and not everything in life


Education or should i say learning is a continuios process of life it doent stop. Most women who are our mothers today (any mother of 45 years and above man ) most mothers of these men were never educated but raised their kids and family well without formal education or any higher education

So education only doesnt mean success its combination of lots of things, you can be educated but ignorant no employer will keep you long

thatigboman:
if they keep passing the ball backwards, how are they going to move forward?
2ndly, what's the difference between rugby and American football?

well its simple, while the pass is passed to someone who is behind, you can also pass while you are running, hence you gain the ground

Am based in UK i know few things about american football

Jewessgratitud3:
I just learnt now that a dowry is a token paid by the bride to the grooms family (in India) meanwhile I had always thought dowry is paid by the groom to the brides family.

Now what is paid by a groom to the brides family is not dowry but bride price.
Abeg, how many of you knew this? And All along we've been made to believe dowry is paid on a bride.

its not a lie but using the wrong, though the main meaning is focused on money/gifts paid during/toward marriage

For example, nigerians you say Hiss when you refering to that sound one makes when "pissed of" lips are pressed against, the actual term is "Kissing Your Teeth"

Elsueno:
All CHEATERS should go to HELL, doesn't matter if u they be male or female.

I despise all cheaters equally & I would EXPOSE ur cheating a** to ur SPOUSE even if u are my brother/sister!!!

Men dont tolerate wives cheating becoz of two things

1 in most culture the man marries the wife by paying something towards the wife's , so if someone is sleeping with my wife it means my money went for nothing, the bride price money is for exclusive rights to your wife, once she cheats it means you no longer have that exclusive right, you paid the bride price dor
another man to enjoy her

2 Wife cheating on you, strips you of the social status of being a real men

Hi fam.

Something has been bothering me of late and leaving me emotionally and mentally stressed and drained for the past weeks and I'm cut between the devil and the deep blue sea.

There's this bro we're trying to see if we can work things out. though, I never really wanted anything relationship again or at least for now until I'm decided later in the future on what I really want for myself.

Before, I delve into the main discuss , let
me quickly highlight how it all started.

Some months back, My publisher came to deliver the books I ordered for. So while sorting the books, he just got teasing me like " Babes, na wa o. What's up with your romantic life now?. I've never seen you pulling with anyone. It's always work, biz Money money money I see you pursuing. Lol... I just told him, guy, free me abeg and I went on counting the books at the boot of his car.

He now walked up to me and said, on a more serious note, what is happening? So I told him it's a personal choice cos I dont have the strength for relationship brouhaha now. He agreed with me that truly its not easy and even as a married man, he too feels the heat but the good thing is, he married in the Lord. So I should choose wisely from among the brethren.

So he said, he has this family friend, an eligible bachelor, who wants a decent lady and I'm the one that comes to mind each time the guy mentions it because since he's be dealing with me, he can vouch that I'm a very honest, hard-working and decent lady. So he would want the bro to have me.
That was how I got to meet bro.

Now fastforward to the main reason of this post.
There was this particular day we tripped out to cool off and discuss about US. So we got talking and planning on how to build our home in a way that we will not be caught unawares with some setbacks and unplanned responsibilities. So the issue of children came up and I suggested we have only one, which he reluctantly accepted after much convincing. So we tried to look at ways we can maintain that decision and I suggested a vasectomy. citing the possibilities of health risks (as a result of mismatches ) and failures that might occur if the family planning is done on me but with vasectomy, no issues. He looked me in the eyes and said, "my darling" no!

I was dumbfounded.... And became a little worried because, if he has no plans of having more children, why would he kick against the idea of a vasectomy?

If we are going to be one and follow one course, why shying away from a plan that will benefit us as a couple and a family?


Could it be, he only agreed to have one with me and plans to have more else where?
Is vasectomy a life threatening condition?

I was still trying to wrap my head around his refusal, when he said, it will be done on you ( the family planning). That instant, I felt all alone, like im on my own. So I told him I needed to cool off, and he said feel free.
I left the tent and went to the waters prentending to be playing with the water. He came and dragged me out of the water. we strolled without a word and I asked him to take me home. He did.

He called when he got home. I was cold to him so, he promised to call again but since then Ive refused to pick his calls or reply his texts.

The big question is ..
WHY DID HE BLUNTLY REFUSE A VASECTOMY?

COULD HE HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

IS IT NOT BETTER TO OPT OUT NOW THAN PRETEND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE AND END UP IN REGRETS?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

You are selfish dear vasectomy after one child, what if you die, he cant start a new biological family of his own

How would feel if hubby suggest you have tubes tird after having a single child ?

mrrandomguy:
Submission is what a woman brings to the table, not money. Every godly woman will naturally submit, unless she is into witchcraft practices such as feminism, dianic wicca, order of Lilith, etc.

Your role as a husband is that of provider. Your primary responsibilities in this regard are to provide food, shelter and build wealth that your children and children's children will inherit. Make these a priority.

Don't even bother about DSTV subscription, Church offering, aṣọ ẹbì, or private lessons for your children. These things don't matter in the end. If your wife values them so much because of social status, let her source for the money to buy them without involving you.

Enrol your children in a cheap primary school while you build shelter and wealth. It will not affect them in any way.

A for Apple in LGEA school is the same A for Apple in "Montessori" school where you will pay ₦200k+. You can put them in a private secondary school as they grow older. The University is the leveler where everyone will eat breakfast.

A reasonable wife will support this type of husband when other financial need arises (if she has an occupation).

If she is not working or has no occupation, make her your manager. But don't try this with a slay queen.

Also don't forget to satisfy her sexually. A sexually frustrated woman will never respect or be loyal to her husband (unless he is Dangote or Tinubu).

Buy ijekuje for your children once in a while to help you bond with them. Whenever you give your wife cash, make sure it is in their presence, and NEVER collect money from your wife in the presence of the children. If you have sence you will understand.

If your wife already earns more than you, make sure all your income goes into building shelter, then wealth. Never let her spend a penny in this regard. If she insists, don't move in with her, rather go for deliverance to retrieve your glory which could have been exchanged or stolen spiritually.

Lastly, perish the thought of becoming a stay at home dad which is the dream all feminists are working hard to actualise. Even if you are unemployed, find somewhere to go every morning. If she tells you to cook or do chores, know that she has stolen your destiny.

©Mrrandomguy

your mixing two different things submission and bringing something on the table are totally different things

Yes a wife brings something on the table, ask why most people/society shy away when a able bodied marry woman with disability ?

Its all about having a wife who is able bodied and do house chores and also do small farming of vegetables etc, Being able to do small farming to supply fresh veg for family is what she brings on the table

Colonisation made our women lazy and also corrupted men, where men start to charm a lazy bu saying i will look after you, without hardwork (aka rural/village life). In the city wife is just seated, no going to the river to fetch water, no going to garden to plant vegs etc

So now it looks like women dont bring anything on the table, simply becoz of urbanisation but got to rural areas you still see division of labour between man and woman therefore they both pop something on the table