Guys will definitely use it against you, just tell them the minor ones, cos for me, there are things better unsaid. How on earth do i go telling my guy my past mmmmmmmhhhhhhhhh

It has been said - admit your errors before someone else magnifies them. it is better for your guy to hear of your past from you than from a third party, who will proably add all sorts of spice and pepper.

as a guy who went to a Nigerian institution, i can tell you - you will be shocked at what constitutes a 'past' for many of our girls. So many of our girls are into casual prostitution , not because they are poor and need the money, but because they want to represent on campus as big girls!. the funny thing is that its often these gals that hook trophy husbands( no justice in the world, eh?)

if you want to predict the future, you must know the past. this goes both ways ( for men and women).if you marry a former campus prostitute, and things go south for some reason, and money is not flowing as it did, what do you think she will do - hang in there with you or start flashing green light for your more finacially buoyant colleagues?

honesty is the best policy
either in the case of the girl or the guy.

honesty is the best policy
either in the case of the girl or the guy.
If you truly care and love her, her past should nt bother you,
we all have our dark side.

Both parties MUST come clean BEFORE marriage, if neither bothered before marriage MOVE ON together & forget the past.

Yes!

Should a woman know his husband or boyfriend past and present? Lets be fair to all concern please.

Yes, u should If you know ur partners past no one can come in between u two, there will be that trust to bond u guyz.

[color=#000099][/color]bodiga

as much as she's willing to reveal to you

I feel you attract what you look for and more importantly, U only get what U give!

If you lived licentiously and then expect to get convent material for a wife, you maybe disappointed. Works both ways for men and women. If you had a really torrid past yourself, chances are that you'd be dying to find out about your partners' past before tying the knot. BUT, cos you don't want to hear anything you can't handle, you just let sleeping dogs lie and hope for the best.

Accept all she can tell you, and don't dig too much debris up.

oyb:

It has been said - admit your errors before someone else magnifies them. it is better for your guy to hear of your past from you than from a third party, who will proably add all sorts of spice and pepper.

as a guy who went to a Nigerian institution, i can tell you - you will be shocked at what constitutes a 'past' for many of our girls. So many of our girls are into casual prostitution , not because they are poor and need the money, but because they want to represent on campus as big girls!. the funny thing is that its often these gals that hook trophy husbands( no justice in the world, eh?)

if you want to predict the future, you must know the past. this goes both ways ( for men and women).if you marry a former campus prostitute, and things go south for some reason, and money is not flowing as it did, what do you think she will do - hang in there with you or start flashing green light for your more financially buoyant colleagues?

True talk my guy.Listen guys,I am a man and for men,dealing with a woman's past can be extremely difficult.Best for the woman to spare the man the agony that goes with revealing her past.
Women with bad pasts are the ones who are eager to tell a guy they meet all about themselves(of course in a good way) so the guys don't find out.Both ways it's a no win situation.A woman who confesses to sleeping with big shots,threesomes in Hilton with white men,dating 2 friends,dating brothers does not expect her man to swallow everything and just continue loving her.vis-a-vis.

There will always be that thing to remind the guy,especially when he meets guys who know about the girl's past.Sooner than later it will start affecting their relationship.I tell you something,guys who marry girls with bad pasts are usually much older than the girls or do not live in the same area with the girls.A guy in your age group who lives in the same city as the babe will surely come across many people who know the girl and keep reminding of her past.We are all human afterall.

The best thing is DO NOT divulge until asked.And when you are asked answer with the least vivid detail but be truthful and always end by saying "I LOVE YOU AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS".

A woman's past is one of the biggest determinants to a guy marrying her.Believe it or not!

perfect answer from BLUEBAND

men and women react to this issue in contrasting ways

A woman's past is one of the biggest determinants to a guy marrying her.Believe it or not!

hmm
word!

Re: Topic. If you wanna know her past, share yours too esp INITIMACY else she shouldnt be expected to do the same. Simple.

Besides, a decent man has no business listening to what others have to say about his wife / girlfriend.

Siena, like I've said many times, you are a rare Nigerian. I swear most Nigerian guys are worse amebos than the females. It's quite pathetic.

[quote author=blueband link=topic=101137.msg1780390#msg1780390 date=1198005402
A woman's past is one of the biggest determinants to a guy marrying her.Believe it or not!
[quote][/quote]

I could say the same about a guy. After all a marriage proposal requires a yes from either the man or woman. If the woman says No, there is NO marriage. If it turns out that in YOUER past you're a horrible person who slept with every girl you cam across, caused girls to have several; abortions or stole stuff, that could be just as a dterminant for the girl to say NO to your proposal.

Nigerians make fun of the Arabic male mentality yet you guys are barely different from them in reasoning. It's pitiful.

It is better he knows becos if he doesnt know and later finds out in the marriage it would be so crushed. I tell him everything so does he and that makes us close to a perfect couple

Simple answer, YES.

BOTH of them should be willing to discuss and share their past experiences.

I personally won't take any girl seriously who is comfortable hiding her past from me; we'll just keep making love and not war. But no elevation to the next level.

If you got nothing to fear then you got nothing to hide

Simple Y. E . S , it's every vital most esp. for men

hmmmn am learning.
@ topic i think in its quite important that both parties know a little bit about each others past.
don't dig for it.
don't judge your partner with his/her past.
BUT
on the other hand if your partner is the paranoid type,the extremely jealous,it might be wise to keep the past where it belongs.if he digs and asks,fine you explain as briefly as possible.

some things are better left unsaid.infact each man to his own.there is no laid down rule here. 

To all those that are sayin' that the past should be left in the past and that it aint important etc
i would like to ask one question,

if that is the case,then why is it that alot of girls lie to guys who are chasing them that they are virgins

if the past wasn't important then there wud be no need for such lies!

but personally, i think that u only need to know your girl's past to an extent.
so that u can decide whether she is virtuous enough for you.
if you're lookin' for a virgin,that is virtually impossible these days.
so maybe you should discriminate on the basis of under wot circumstances she has slept with guys in the past.
if she was in a relationship with those men,then i guess that is acceptable.but if not,you might want to reassess your decision.
Also the number of men she has slept with might also be a basis for discrimination-regardless of the circumstances.

the truth is society expects higher moral standards from women so u can't quite use this assessment on men, because it doesn't make sense.
that's why a dude can sleep around and get away wit it, but once a girl does it,she is labeled a LovePeddler.
it aint fare but that's how it is!

IN REPLY TO D-RELOADED WHO SAID :

"I could say the same about a guy. After all a marriage proposal requires a yes from either the man or woman. If the woman says No, there is NO marriage. If it turns out that in YOUER past you're a horrible person who slept with every girl you cam across, caused girls to have several; abortions or stole stuff, that could be just as a dterminant for the girl to say NO to your proposal."

quite frankly,the sexual behaviour and tendencies of men and women are not measured by the same yard stick.As i said earlier,society expects women to be on a higher moral ground.it aint fair but that is just how it is.So you can't say the same about guys.A guys past is not as important as a girl's past.I'm not being biased,it's just the truth.This is how society has made things.

To further prove this point,i have alot of female friends,we talk alot about such issues and they generally don't care about the nature of their guy's past.They don't care about how many girls he has slept with etc All they are concerned about is the present.Guys on the other hand,are naturally interested because they want to make sure that they are not dating a girl with a reckless chracther - a LovePeddler.

mue2:

quite frankly,the sexual behaviour and tendencies of men and women are not measured by the same yard stick.As i said earlier,society expects women to be on a higher moral ground.it aint fair but that is just how it is.So you can't say the same about guys.A guys past is not as important as a girl's past.I'm not being biased,it's just the truth.This is how society has made things.

You sound like a bloody Arab. get away from me, Mr Taliban.

Btw, I dont know what kinda tarts you hang around but I personally have a huge problem with male whores. Most mature women do. There are some men around here that most girls wouldnt be caught DEAD dating cos of their whorish pasts, there go as far as warning other women against the guy. I know of two who had to date outside of the state because no one wanted anything to do with their lousy arses
So No it's not just a girl thing so take your Arabic mentality and shove it.

Hmm, very interesting.

I guess there's this curiosity that always comes into play about knowing your lovers past, especially when the relationship is still fresh.
You want to know what you are getting yourself into, the kind of person your lover is deep down.
This can be very difficult to handle, especially for a man,when the lady has a not so immpressive past.
The question you should ask yourself is "If the story turns out bad, can I handle it?
For me, a little information about past relationship(s) won't hurt at all, and I wil be willing to share mine too, if she wants to know.
A thing of the mind it is, can be really difficult to handle, believe me.

I think some times is very important. I have that challenge now. I have a girl that I want to marry but I found out that she dated my colleague. They even had sex. The issue is that the guy is still my colleague and I am not confortable marrying a girl that my colleague have had sex with. I need your candid opinion

@ revive


i think you are very correct about having a clean past and all that.in as much as i think tat is a tall order in this generation,i think itis highly advisabe.because believe it or not our past tells a lot about the kind of person we are.

on the issue on groung i believe in every relationshp there must be openness and sincerity on both sides to build trust in the relationship.because if there is no trust then its not worth it

ifyalways:

hmmmn am learning.
@ topic i think in its quite important that both parties know a little bit about each others past.
don't dig for it.
don't judge your partner with his/her past.
BUT
on the other hand if your partner is the paranoid type,the extremely jealous,it might be wise to keep the past where it belongs.if he digs and asks,fine you explain as briefly as possible.

some things are better left unsaid.infact each man to his own.there is no laid down rule here.

WORD!!!

certain things are better left untold, what you do not know will not hurt you period.

Let's analyze it this way!

SCENARIO 1
FRIEND: Hey man, as a friend I'm telling you - This girl of yours is not right for you.

YOU: How do you mean?

FRIEND: I used to know her back in school. She had an abortion for another friend of mine.

YOU: I don't believe you! What's all this about.

FRIEND: I'm sorry man, I just felt you needed to know. It was some guy called David.

YOU: The bitch! After all this while I never knew? I'll ask her when next we see and devil help her if she even stutters.

FRIEND: Take it easy man, don't do anything stupid.


Now let's look at it this way

SCENARIO 2
FRIEND: Hey man, as a friend I'm telling you - This girl of yours is not right for you.

YOU: How do you mean?

FRIEND: I used to know her back in school. She had an abortion for another friend of mine.

YOU: You're right! She told me about it

FRIEND: What! You mean, she actually told you?

YOU: Yep! Some guy named David. Anyways, I forgave her and we're cool.

FRIEND: Uh, ok! Just looking out.


Anyways, I'm not saying it's the perfect solution but I believe it will work in at least 80% of related cases. Honesty truly is the best policy but study your partner before you plan how to drop your bombshell. I guess it'll work even better vice versa

Cheers

Ogogo24 the name sounds familier, are you from imo state (Ideato)
Please let me know. my chating ID stargerdeworker

I would rather not know as in what you don't know will never hurt you.

Why do I need to know in the first place? No matter how much you try to

convince me I will always think there are more sordid details you are hiding

or with-holding. so I will be better of not knowing anything.[/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]

@ Kemjisuper: Your scenario's are pretty realistic. But, why would a guy who "claims" to be in love with his girlfriend / wife listen to what his friends have to say about her?

If a "friend" decided to start telling me stories about my girlfriend / wife, I'd stop him right there, and tell him where to go! A good friend has NO business furnishing a mate with details of his wife!