bjcole: @baby 123, i will not want 2 join arguments with, i ve seen so many of ur comments full of insults, r u not d girl dat said u will insult, abuse ur husband if he deserves it, u said u get mouth well well & i can see it, i guess after giving him enough wash down, u will then call d cops 2 arrest abi? With all these ur talks i still wonder why naija babes still dey look 4 us naija men to marry, u wud ve settle wit those akata dat will use & dump u. Dayo & others, U carry d day, 3 Gbosas

You are not smart enough. A grown man that cannot write legibly. If you like follow all my posts. Not my problem. I don't know you and quite frankly I don't care. Piece of advise, leave your bushmeat behavior in Nigeria or else your wife will lock you up here. Who I marry is of no consequence to you as you will never measure up. Better go and sleep before you pop a nerve. I hope you learned something. You like to talk women down, I am not your wife, take note!

coogar:

räpe cases in the uk are serious cases. they arrest immediately the claim is made for the whole forensic ish. the dude was detained for 90 hrs before it was concluded the woman was lying. the humiliation alone would kill me, never mind spending 90 hrs in a police cell......my employers, my neighbours, my friends n family - what would they think?

the woman was jailed after it was discovered she lied about it - when they looked into her past, they found out its not her first time of making false claims against men who refuse to sleep with her. now, if this dude is nigerian, you would have condemned him when the story broke because you are already tuned to the fact that african men are aggressive animals.



mama biology, go n marry an anglosaxon!



that's true......
however, black women need "black" romance!

He had evidence, so good for him. He could have gotten a good lawyer to expedite and intervene. Now, are Nigerian men aggressive? Very very. Let's not mince words there. Especially the fresh off the boat ones. You know its true.

ileobatojo:
Mtshieeew

why now? you don't dig interracial marriage?

ileobatojo:
Now you're talking! Good looking out!

i am an ardent fan of black women particularly nigerian women. the drama around them is odikwa amusing!

baby_123:
He had evidence, so good for him. He could have gotten a good lawyer to expedite and intervene.

he was arrested before he knew what's up. the lady never threatened him, she just called the cops when the dude refused to show up for their sex congress.

Now, are Nigerian men aggressive? Very very. Let's not mince words there. Especially the fresh off the boat ones. You know its true.

aggressive when chasing women or aggression - as in the tendency to be violent? if it's the former, i can understand why some naija men are like that. they have had encounters with women who first refused them and later accepted their offer. in a nutshell, your fellow naija women queered the pitch for you. a man that has been used to girls telling him no before accepting his offer later would always think: no = try harder. when naija women stop pretending, naija men would start believing!

Gud nite & church 2morrow, what a hilarious thread, anyway i m married & i dnt forsee my wife becoming a witch in d future, i m not even going 2 relocate to canada or American, na only visits & i m back to my sweet home, my real nairaland where d african setting works, where i can enjoy my fatherhood, wit my wife besides me even @ 80yrs, there is even enough cash to make here 4 those dat knows how. Naija rocks

interesting thread i support the man 100% on this one. some posters are too sentimental. so to show the world he is a good father he should risk jail and potentially huge legal fees which can be better spent on future college fees?
@OP stay out of it. your cousin has made her bed. let her lie in it.

Even James Bond was abused...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2202445/Why-did-Roger-Moores-wives-beat-As-revealed-Bond-star-victim-domestic-violence.html

when the kids grow up, they will be hating on their mom like eminem - some of his rhymes allude to this sort of behavior - crazy mothers lying to their kids that their fathers hate them

dayokanu: - You picked a girl up in the club, had drinks, danced, had fun, went home together, had consensual sex, He didnt call her the following day, She is pissed and calls the cops that he Date-rapped her?

-Your girlfriend who feels bitter might report that she was rapedd, How do you prove that she was the one who yanked off her clothes and was riding you all night when it wasnt recorded on camera, He said she said, Benefit of doubt to the woman in most cases.

- Your co worker you say Hey Megan you are looking great your attire fits your figure perfectly. SHe smiles and feels flattered on Monday on Thursday same comment she calls HR that you made sexuallyy suggestive comments towards her. PINK SHEET next.

- You hold your 3yr old sons geni-tals to pee, your angry baby momma calls the cop that you are handling his diiiccckk. They ask you did you touch his diicckk? you say YES BANG JAIL here we come and a registered child offender for life.

Y'all dont understand what it means to be a black MAN IN AMERICA

don't carry camera to the beach - you want to get pictures of scantily clad kids

Sisi_Kill:

Yep. . .Like my grandma will say - The owner of the house ni lowo, the guest di me ru!

Please translate!!

I have no clue sorry

@ chaircover everybody is engulfed with their own well being for easy way out and their convenience .... Nobody seemed to care bout what will happen to these girls before they are 14....Ah!! I shake my head with knot in my tummy

This is a big eye opener for me!

Sorry yo say this ir sister is a bad woman. From ur statement u know am right. I think d man is a leaned man.he should pay the money when mthe kids are 18 they will look for their father. Am u did,nt side ur sister.

He wanna ensure dat d woman suffers 4 her selfish n stupid act...

I strongly believe he'll surely com bac 4 his kids.. D kids aint bastard...

these are from a CAD forum i frequent, occassionally people talk about personal problems - this is not just about celebrities

regular guys and crazy women

Guilty when it comes to kids.

I went through it with the mother of my child.
I have had him full time since 3 months old.

I called DCF on her and she could not pass drug tests, would avoid them etc.....
So they gave me temporary custody and argued that my son needed to be in my custody for his safety.(Of course temporary became final)

A couple of weeks later she told them I used drugs in front of my son and they called me about the allegations and within 15 minutes I was at they're office taking a drug test.

Even though I passed I had to go a parenting classes that was all about how to cope with with your child being taken away, which was the opposite as they gave me the custody.

They would call me randomly to take a drug test and if I did not show up that day it was considered testing positive, so I could not go out of town, had to leave in the middle of work.


They might of done that because they saw the mother was not compliant and were trying to build a stronger case for giving me permanent custody.


If someone you do not like has kids call DCF and make allegations and they are guilty until proven innocent.

So today things came to a head for one of my friends (in his late thirties)

He had been granted emergency custody of his 10-ish year old daughter about two months back after his ex-wife attacked her mother with a 12" kitchen knife in front of her (the ex-wife as you can tell is seriously messed up)

Since then, his daughter has been telling more and more blatant lies about her father, it started off as "he wakes me up at 4am and won't let me go back to sleep" (blatant lie, the kid was showing no signs of tiredness), moved onto "he starves me" (again, looking at the size of her, a blatant lie), to her telling a bus driver that "he beats me around the body so that it doesn't show" (another blatant lie, if he beat her she'd be scared of him - she treats him like dirt).

He lets the daughter go down to her mother's for a night two weeks ago and she has basically (in legal terms) been kidnapped, but the daughter doesn't want to leave her mother.

Today (the day before his big court case for full legal custody of hs daughter which even the ex-wife's solicitor acknowledged he was guaranteed to win) he got a knock on the door from two policemen saying that his daughter had been interviewed by the police for this court case and that on video she had told them that he sexually abuses her.

They obviously didn't take it very seriously because he wasn't arrested but they want him to go to the station "voluntarily" next week to talk about these allegations.

What is happening is that the daughter wants to stay with the mother and (I assume) is being fed these stories from her. What she doesn't realise is that in doing that she will go into care - the mother will lose custody of her 100% guaranteed and because of today's stunt the father can't take on custody - and won't in the future because he is too scared of her saying it again, even after he is cleared.

This has really messed my friend up, this year he has lost his driver's license ("morning after the night before", lost his job (and can't get another because he lives in a village) and now all this with his daughter. I'm knocked for six, I really don't know what I can say to him. I'm going out for a beer (or two or three or....) with him tomorrow night just to get him out and give him some support but I really don't know what to say

Divorce is such an ugly thing, the attorney's win, the kids lose and the parents hate each other the rest of their lives.

Truth is, I still love my wife, very much, I can't ever imagine hating her but, I'm afraid that's what coming next and it hurts so very badly.

What hurts the very worst is what this will/could/might do to my children now and in the future. My eldest daughter is making some progress I think, she is telling her mother how she feels about the whole thing. My son is taking this the hardest I'm afraid, he's very upset most of the time, or so it seems to me, and will not talk to me about his feelings, this saddens me very much. I've taken him to a therapist in hopes that will help, I'm told it will. My youngest daughter seems to be just fine with the whole thing but I'm scared she'll become very upset in the future.


my sincerest apologies if this brings back bad memories for you, it is not my wish to do so.

Every time the man picks up his girls, the woman runs to her $500/hr lawyer and file all this allegations. One of them might just stick one day and the man is in all sort of trouble. I won't advice my own son to be that gullible.

All this a man should fight hard, afterall, they are his children can sometimes not be reasonable. Let's be fair here, for the children to have even testified against their father, he should even stay clear until they ask for him or until they are teenagers. Yes the children might have been brainwashed but who is to say they won't be brainwashed further to testify far more damaging accusations on him.

The man should fight if only he believes the kids are at risk with their mother. However, if he believes the kids are safe but the woman's hatred is for him and him alone, he should adapt the siddon dey look approach.

The man should stay on his lane, pay the child support religiously and watch the cookie crumbles. Thank God his children are girls. Girls always ask after daddy.

As for you cousin, FAMILY MEETING time o! I hope you are doing more than just bringing this issue on nairaland. Leave the man alone and let your family face the woman squarely.

What is it with this naija nurses in the us sef? D.Why not the doctors,pharmacists,lawyers,engineers always the nurses.just a joke

Divorce or seperation is already an upheaval in the life of a child without one or both parents employin under hand tactics.I dont get how one will start schoolinv your kids on what to say against daddy in court(if he truly was not an abuser).I dont get it.If God forbid me and hubby split today because of what we once shared and the fact that i respect him i would NEVER deny him access to his kids.I also know that would be taking the colour out of his life cos his kids make his world beautiful.

Its not by force to stay married but if there are kids involved one should thread carefully.

Just to add,I am a naija import.

chaircover: You people are funny o! to say the least

Is it not this obodo oyinbo that I am. Where do you guys meet these women anyway

The truth is that girls need a father in their life and I am saying this from experience. The best years of my life growing up are memories of the things that I did together with my dad. My first driving lesson, the piggy back rides, my first bike . . . . He was my knight in shining armour, and I see that same relationship between my daughter and my husband. I see the pride in her eyes when she talks about her dad and as far as she is concerned, her dad is JLS, James Bond, One direction, Superman, Richard Branson and Mr World all rolled into one

Many of the girls hopping from bed to bed are doing it because they are looking for the love that they missed out on from their fathers, and they are trying to get it elsewhere and confusing sex with love. My daughter already knows that she is a princess and that she is special long before she hit the dating scene, so she doesn't need any tom or harry to get her into his bed just because she wants confirmation of that. Its the dads that teach girls self esteem and that is why many young ladies go looking for men that behave like their dads when its time to settle down.

Agreed, the wife is a total biatch and has made it very difficult for the man to see his children, but I am sure that if he calmed down and thought about it, he will come up with something somehow, no matter how brief, even if its only a few minutes visit.

Adults can fight their battles and they understand what they are doing but children cant. One minute daddy is there and the next daddy isnt. That alone is very traumatic for them. Yes they may look for their dad when they are 14, but the damage would have been long done by then.

He can see those kids, even if it means 10 minute supervised visits. Those kids must be going through great turmoil at the moment.

I am only interested in the kids welfare. They didnt ask for this and it isnt their fault that their parents are splitting up.

Totally and 100% agree with you.

madam CC when I get a spare minute I will email you - have some news

coogar:

needing daddy's love?
in this day and age where men have been reduced to semën donors? what happened to the term "independent women"? you are making a grave mistake here - the kids should be happy. tell their mum to increase the allowance she spends on them. more toys, more trips to disneyland and the new x-box console.

av never read me a more stupid comment

Its the money that is intoxicating. I heard nurses in the US earn a lot, most ladies, when there is an exponential increase in their income can be worse than men.

@ op The children may be suffering but i respect the man, what do you want from him? To beg the children to love him? That is impossible with their mom there to continuously poison their mind!!!

To pretend that he is needed where he is obviously not wanted? To force himself to maintain ties in a loveless and dead relationship?

His decision is simple, sever ties completely (beyond the $1,000) with his previous life and move on.

Unfortunately, the children may end up like most African American children from broken homes which to me is the saddest part in this story.

KINGwax: av never read me a more stupid comment

and i have never seen a more odious tool who cannot recognise sarcasm!

damiso: What is it with this naija nurses in the us sef? .Why not the doctors,pharmacists,lawyers,engineers always the nurses.just a joke

Divorce or seperation is already an upheaval in the life of a child without one or both parents employin under hand tactics.I dont get how one will start schoolinv your kids on what to say against daddy in court(if he truly was not an abuser).I dont get it.If God forbid me and hubby split today because of what we once share and the fact that i respect him i would NEVER deny him access to his kids.I also know that would be taking the colour out of his life cos his kids make his world beautiful.

Its not by force to stay married but if there are kids involved one should thread carefully.

Just to add,I am a naija import.

There is a legion of demons responsible for the increasing rate of divorce all over the world (irrespective of race or religion).
The devil know that high divorce rate is associated with other social-economic problems like violence, drugs, prostitution, moral degrading of society etc.
Thereby leading more innocent souls to early death and hell.

@ OP, this family (especially the helpless children) needs serious prayers for divine intervention.

question:

@ OP, this family (especially the helpless children) needs serious prayers for divine intervention.

I didn't want to comment on this again but just to draw your attention that it was Nigerian pastors seeing fake visions, prophesies and advising my cousin what to do that contributed to this mess in the first place. Most times she will leave her her kids for her husband, clutch a bible, leave the house by 11pm to a prayer night without her husband's consent, then sneak back in by 2am in the morning. The family once confronted the so-called Nigerian pastor, he was full of the usually 'BS' you guys come up with about demons, curses, witches and wizards. Now look at where the marriage ended...I will ask you. Did the prayer work? We are Catholics, we don't believe in some of these spiritual quick fixes.

Some Nigerian pastors honestly do more harm to marriages (some are be good). A woman is supposed to be loyal to her husband not to a pastor. It's called 'Emotional Infidelity'. Sorry, I wont recommend any spiritual stuff on this.

Woged2005:
Some Nigerian pastors honestly do more harm to marriages (some are be good). A woman is supposed to be loyal to her husband not to a pastor. It's called 'Emotional Infidelity'. Sorry, I wont recommend any spiritual stuff on this.

You are very right pastors cause more damage to marriages than good. But one thing I will recommend is to play this audio prayer in your own house day and night and I hope your cousin's husband too can do the same, but please stay away from this curch, pentecostal churches and pastors.

WICKEDNESS MUST DIE http://www.mfmhouston.net/AUDIO%20MESSAGES/WICKEDNESS%20MUST%20DIE.wma

Woged2005:

Some Nigerian pastors honestly do more harm to marriages (some are be good). A woman is supposed to be loyal to her husband not to a pastor. It's called 'Emotional Infidelity'. Sorry, I wont recommend any spiritual stuff on this.

Supported and right on point. If a husband tells his white wife he'd like her to dress sexier in the house to improve romance, the white lady will happily share with her friends "wow he suddenly started paying attention to me..". She will hit Victoria's Secret and upgrade her wardrobe-problem fixed in 2 days. Romances commences. On the other hand, most Nigerian women will accuse their husbands of infidelity, say he's possessed by a demon, he's having a spiritual wife, etc. They will call their church members, invite a pastor. The pastor will speak in tongues, see visions, prophesy more doom (never a good prophesy), schedule prayer sessions, ask her to sow seed, pay tithes, then scatter. The wife begins to see her husband as demon-possesed. the marriage scatters. They blame the devil and relatives....hahahahahaha! Crazy people!! How come pastors don't see visions of winning lottery numbers for their church members, so that members will hit the Megamillion?

Woged2005:

I didn't want to comment on this again but just to draw your attention that it was Nigerian pastors seeing fake visions, prophesies and advising my cousin what to do that contributed to this mess in the first place. Most times she will leave her her kids for her husband, clutch a bible, leave the house by 11pm to a prayer night without her husband's consent, then sneak back in by 2am in the morning. The family once confronted the so-called Nigerian pastor, he was full of the usually 'BS' you guys come up with about demons, curses, witches and wizards. Now look at where the marriage ended...I will ask you. Did the prayer work? We are Catholics, we don't believe in some of these spiritual quick fixes.

Some Nigerian pastors honestly do more harm to marriages (some are be good). A woman is supposed to be loyal to her husband not to a pastor. It's called 'Emotional Infidelity'. Sorry, I wont recommend any spiritual stuff on this.

Rotflmao. You didn't wait for a church or pastor recommendation. I think people who believe that everyone is out to get them are not too stable in the first place. Witches, wizards etc. We used to know one eccentric woman that was always seeing vision, and witches and wizards were always involved. If we were not learned people to know something was strange about her, we would have fallen into the trap. Looking back, she was probably a paranoid schizophrenic. These pastors and their sheep may fall into the same category. One has to be really careful. The only solution for your cousin is to try to get close to her and work on her conscience. Get to know what truly happened, and hear her own side. She may not have been able to cope with the stress he was giving her. No family to turn to, and since some Nigerian men think they are god who mere mortals have no right to confront. These women open the door for all sorts to take root. Her own way of solving her problems. What ever comes of it, oh well.

baby_123:

No family to turn to, and since some Nigerian men think they are god who mere mortals have no right to confront. These women open the door for all sorts to take root. Her own way of solving her problems. What ever comes of it, oh well.

Thank you jare. Some problem or desperation usually drives these types of gullible people into the traps of these fake prophets. I highly doubt the guy is completely the innocent victim in all this. We don't know why she has a restraining order, was the guy panel beating her regularly? Will I be surprised to hear he was? No!

I'm also not surprised that she continues to make reports against him. If I had a genuine restraining order against someone, there's no way in hell I would want them near my kids. Hence my initial surprise when the OP suggested that the woman was now sad.

On the other hand, I'm also not surprised that the man has decided to abandon his kids. Is it not black men? Na today?

baby_123:

Rotflmao. You didn't wait for a church or pastor recommendation. I think people who believe that everyone is out to get them are not too stable in the first place. Witches, wizards etc. We used to know one eccentric woman that was always seeing vision, and witches and wizards were always involved. If we were not learned people to know something was strange about her, we would have fallen into the trap. Looking back, she was probably a paranoid schizophrenic. These pastors and their sheep may fall into the same category. One has to be really careful. The only solution for your cousin is to try to get close to her and work on her conscience. Get to know what truly happened, and hear her own side. She may not have been able to cope with the stress he was giving her. No family to turn to, and since some Nigerian men think they are god who mere mortals have no right to confront. These women open the door for all sorts to take root. Her own way of solving her problems. What ever comes of it, oh well.

and she solved these "problems" by cheating on her husband? So there are "2 sides to a story" for her preventing her kids from at least having a relationship with their father? I have seen ridiculous excuses that women advance for other women but this one takes the pale.

ileobatojo:

Thank you jare. Some problem or desperation usually drives these types of gullible people into the traps of these fake prophets. I highly doubt the guy is completely the innocent victim in all this. We don't know why she has a restraining order, was the guy panel beating her regularly? Will I be surprised to hear he was? No!

I'm also not surprised that she continues to make reports against him. If I had a genuine restraining order against someone, there's no way in hell I would want them near my kids. Hence my initial surprise when the OP suggested that the woman was now sad.

On the other hand, I'm also not surprised that the man has decided to abandon his kids. Is it not black men? Na today?

there are more white men abandoning their kids... but dont let such facts get in the way of making a blanket racist allegation against black men.

ileobatojo:

Thank you jare. Some problem or desperation usually drives these types of gullible people into the traps of these fake prophets. I highly doubt the guy is completely the innocent victim in all this. We don't know why she has a restraining order, was the guy panel beating her regularly? Will I be surprised to hear he was? No!

I'm also not surprised that she continues to make reports against him. If I had a genuine restraining order against someone, there's no way in hell I would want them near my kids. Hence my initial surprise when the OP suggested that the woman was now sad.

On the other hand, I'm also not surprised that the man has decided to abandon his kids. Is it not black men? Na today?

I personally don't totally want to judge on the OP's story as it is a third party account. So that is why I limited my argument to other people's arguments. Am sure we would be surprised if the woman came to narrate her story.

baby_123:

I personally don't totally want to judge on the OP's story as it is a third party account. So that is why I limited my argument to other people's arguments. Am sure we would be surprised if the woman came to narrate her story.

What argument would the woman make to turn the kids against their father? Or for visiting Pastors thus scattering her marriage? or wanting desperately for her ex husband to be in jail

This is a man who pays Child support without fail. That alone shows he is responsible, Most men wont pay the $1,000 per month if he was as wicked as you want us to believe

davidylan:

and she solved these "problems" by cheating on her husband? So there are "2 sides to a story" for her preventing her kids from at least having a relationship with their father? I have seen ridiculous excuses that women advance for other women but this one takes the pale.

Na wah! Una no dey sleep? Someone cannot make a comment quietly and exit the thread. This is a 3rd party account we have been arguing on for 9pages. It would be not too wise of us to conclude without hearing from the actual party. Usually when women run from religious house to the next, they are facing some sort of issue at home. I am only talking from a woman's perspective. At the begining of the thread I told OP she wasn't living with them, so she shouldn't be too quick to judge. I know so many people who present a different front outside, than who they really are in the homem.The woman may pursue legal action, but she doesn't seem to be the type to run around family members talking bad about her spouse. Her husband did all that.

dayokanu:

What argument would the woman make to turn the kids against their father? Or for visiting Pastors thus scattering her marriage? or wanting desperately for her ex husband to be in jail

This is a man who pays Child support without fail. That alone shows he is responsible, Most men wont pay the $1,000 per month if he was as wicked as you want us to believe

Well that is the side we need to hear. No normal person will take all these actions and go so far without reason. OP didn't point to a psychological problem her cousin had. At least not yet.