Sweetlemon: We hear them all the time. These are things our big sisters, aunts, and mothers drum into our heads while growing up. Now all grown up, spiritual mentors keep warning us about them in our fellowships, church/mosque services, etc. But all my almost 30 years on earth has shown me a lot of realities.

Disclaimer: This article is in no way whatsoever against waiting till marriage for sex. It only separates fantasy from facts. If you want to remain a virgin till marriage please do. If you want to stop having sex till marriage, please do.

1. A Man Will Love You More After Marriage/ A Man Will Marry You Only If He Loves You:

Ha! Mbanu! A man (even women) doesn't love his wife more after marriage. Why? Marriage is an eye opener, it is after marriage that you know EXACTLY who you have married. If it turns out you married the right person for you, then the loves grows, but if it turns out to be one chance, OYO l' wa.
Do not marry a man that doesn't love you. This is because the bitter truth is that Many men do not marry for love. Many marry because they need a helper. Because their parents are on their necks, for traditional titles/more respect in the society, even for business purposes. So don't get all mushy and swept off your feet just yet just because one guy just proposed to you.
Always remember this, getting married is a destination. Keeping your marriage is a whole new never ending journey. Do not confuse the two of them.

2. A Man Will Respect/Love You More When You Make Him Chase You Longer:

This one is a very popular myth my mum was always singing into our ears *rolls eyse*. I have this cousin who had this toaster that was on her case for about five years, we were all "aww", "eh ya this guy really means it" etc. But immediately they had sex, his behavior towards her changed. I have heard of relationships that started with sex on the first date that led to marriage.
See, my sisters, a man that will love you will love you. When a man really enjoys having sex/making out with you, you are already half way there. You just need to work on other areas such as his likes, interests, etc. I'm not saying you should open leg like remote-controlled TV o. Just be yourself and allow your intuition and body chemistry guide and guard you. Don't set any time, let things flow naturally. What will be must be.
Chikena!

3. A Man Will Marry You If You Refuse Sex Till Marriage:

Like seriously! Na only you waka come? Na only you get toto? Puleeeze! A man doesn't marry just because he wants sex! He can get sex anywhere. You hear me so? Anywhere! It doesn't have to be from you! Let's even look at it this way, fine you hold out till marriage, after finally getting it after marriage what next? Is it your toto that will sustain the marriage? You must be a learner! I know some unhappily married women who married as virgins. I know some bad girls who married men most virgins dream of.
Like I said earlier, A man that wants to marry you will marry you.

4. If A Man Loves You He Won't Want To Have Sex Till Marriage:

Ha! You obviously do not know jack about men! See, as a general rule, men love sex. In fact, when a man hits on you, he wants sex as part of whatever package he wants from you. Whether na one night stand, side dish, contract, or marriage. If he doesn't, chances are that something is seriously wrong with him. Babe shine your eyes, if your intending husband has never had an erection while both of you are alone. Ha!
Even if you do not want to have sex with him until marriage, make sure that chemistry is there. Make sure you see a sign of hot and steamy nights to come after marriage. Thank me later.
Sex is not love, but love has a lot to do with sex. You can have sex with someone without loving that person, but you cannot love someone without wanting to have sex. The difference is that while sex is demanding, love is patient. A man that loves you will wait till the right moment to do it and will still love and respect you afterwards, a man that loves you will make love to you, he will make it as good as possible for you. But a man in lust will want it now...........and he will chase you until he gets it and when he gets it, pele o!

5. Men Only Like Good Girls/Good Girls Get The Best Men/Good Girls Marry First:

This one doesn't need long talk, all my mature single sisters in church can testify to this. See, men like good girls that have fire underneath them. So if you are a good boring girl whose life revolves around church-fellowship-work-home. Ah! My sister, even the brothers-in-the lord these days will call you a total bore!
I'm not saying you should start clubbing o. Mba o! Just saying you should spice up your social life a lil bit more. Go out and meet more people, don't be afraid of looking and feeling sexy. You definitely can be sexy without being trashy.

Like I always keep saying, a man that will love you will love you. The man that has made up his mind to marry you will marry you, even if his mother threatens to commit suicide. Trust me, a man that is emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for marriage does not have to date you for up to a month before he knows that he's going to put a ring on it. Men, I mean men are very practical and they know what they want. Adam knew Eve was from his ribs the very second he set eyes on her. It's great to have a good character, you will definitely get more responsible suitors with your inner beauty. But a man that will love that biitch will love her regardless. See, marriage is all about fate, when your own time is right, it will happen. Marriage is about finding that person who wants to spend the rest of his life with you just the way you are. So don't feel like life is unfair when Pamela, the same girl you've been preaching to marries before you. Every one of us has different time tables in life. And always remember, It's not about when you marry but how well you marry.

Cheers!

TRASH

Sweetlemon:

Something like that.

NAH!!!......not something like dat but EXACTLY that!.....

After reading the post,all dat came to my mind is 'sweetlemon, you get mouth'!!!

The most sensible post I have seen on nairaland in a long while.

Sweetlemon, your husband must be a bad guy

To all the ladies bending their bodies and twisting their faces like imbeciles to take selfies; Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Bye bye o

Na lie b ds.some ar nt true

Sweetlemon: We hear them all the time. These are things our big sisters, aunts, and mothers drum into our heads while growing up. Now all grown up, spiritual mentors keep warning us about them in our fellowships, church/mosque services, etc. But all my almost 30 years on earth has shown me a lot of realities.

Disclaimer: This article is in no way whatsoever against waiting till marriage for sex. It only separates fantasy from facts. If you want to remain a virgin till marriage please do. If you want to stop having sex till marriage, please do.

1. A Man Will Love You More After Marriage/ A Man Will Marry You Only If He Loves You:

Ha! Mbanu! A man (even women) doesn't love his wife more after marriage. Why? Marriage is an eye opener, it is after marriage that you know EXACTLY who you have married. If it turns out you married the right person for you, then the loves grows, but if it turns out to be one chance, OYO l' wa.
Do not marry a man that doesn't love you. This is because the bitter truth is that Many men do not marry for love. Many marry because they need a helper. Because their parents are on their necks, for traditional titles/more respect in the society, even for business purposes. So don't get all mushy and swept off your feet just yet just because one guy just proposed to you.
Always remember this, getting married is a destination. Keeping your marriage is a whole new never ending journey. Do not confuse the two of them.

2. A Man Will Respect/Love You More When You Make Him Chase You Longer:

This one is a very popular myth my mum was always singing into our ears *rolls eyse*. I have this cousin who had this toaster that was on her case for about five years, we were all "aww", "eh ya this guy really means it" etc. But immediately they had sex, his behavior towards her changed. I have heard of relationships that started with sex on the first date that led to marriage.
See, my sisters, a man that will love you will love you. When a man really enjoys having sex/making out with you, you are already half way there. You just need to work on other areas such as his likes, interests, etc. I'm not saying you should open leg like remote-controlled TV o. Just be yourself and allow your intuition and body chemistry guide and guard you. Don't set any time, let things flow naturally. What will be must be.
Chikena!

3. A Man Will Marry You If You Refuse Sex Till Marriage:

Like seriously! Na only you waka come? Na only you get toto? Puleeeze! A man doesn't marry just because he wants sex! He can get sex anywhere. You hear me so? Anywhere! It doesn't have to be from you! Let's even look at it this way, fine you hold out till marriage, after finally getting it after marriage what next? Is it your toto that will sustain the marriage? You must be a learner! I know some unhappily married women who married as virgins. I know some bad girls who married men most virgins dream of.
Like I said earlier, A man that wants to marry you will marry you.

4. If A Man Loves You He Won't Want To Have Sex Till Marriage:

Ha! You obviously do not know jack about men! See, as a general rule, men love sex. In fact, when a man hits on you, he wants sex as part of whatever package he wants from you. Whether na one night stand, side dish, contract, or marriage. If he doesn't, chances are that something is seriously wrong with him. Babe shine your eyes, if your intending husband has never had an erection while both of you are alone. Ha!
Even if you do not want to have sex with him until marriage, make sure that chemistry is there. Make sure you see a sign of hot and steamy nights to come after marriage. Thank me later.
Sex is not love, but love has a lot to do with sex. You can have sex with someone without loving that person, but you cannot love someone without wanting to have sex. The difference is that while sex is demanding, love is patient. A man that loves you will wait till the right moment to do it and will still love and respect you afterwards, a man that loves you will make love to you, he will make it as good as possible for you. But a man in lust will want it now...........and he will chase you until he gets it and when he gets it, pele o!

5. Men Only Like Good Girls/Good Girls Get The Best Men/Good Girls Marry First:

This one doesn't need long talk, all my mature single sisters in church can testify to this. See, men like good girls that have fire underneath them. So if you are a good boring girl whose life revolves around church-fellowship-work-home. Ah! My sister, even the brothers-in-the lord these days will call you a total bore!
I'm not saying you should start clubbing o. Mba o! Just saying you should spice up your social life a lil bit more. Go out and meet more people, don't be afraid of looking and feeling sexy. You definitely can be sexy without being trashy.

Like I always keep saying, a man that will love you will love you. The man that has made up his mind to marry you will marry you, even if his mother threatens to commit suicide. Trust me, a man that is emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for marriage does not have to date you for up to a month before he knows that he's going to put a ring on it. Men, I mean men are very practical and they know what they want. Adam knew Eve was from his ribs the very second he set eyes on her. It's great to have a good character, you will definitely get more responsible suitors with your inner beauty. But a man that will love that biitch will love her regardless. See, marriage is all about fate, when your own time is right, it will happen. Marriage is about finding that person who wants to spend the rest of his life with you just the way you are. So don't feel like life is unfair when Pamela, the same girl you've been preaching to marries before you. Every one of us has different time tables in life. And always remember, It's not about when you marry but how well you marry.

Cheers!

Does your more than 30 years & unmarried bother you? Your walk/experience brought you this far & you want to sell this evil to gullible innocent ones? Every marriage has some challenge, but you will NEVER know the joy of marriage until you walk the path of purity in courtship. For any who choose the word of God over any other, continue to hold on, He will prove you right at the end.

What shall it profit a woman to hold d toto for years and loose d man when he finally hits it. Moral of d lesson, man wey go stay go stay... Shikena!

slap1: That number four is very common. For me, I won't have sex with you unless I feel something for you.

Lie, no be man? Are u telling me u have feelings for those sarewa babes

Nice write up, should come in handy for the singles. Let love flow naturally, do not coerce it like most females do. Ensure he loves you as much as you do. Threaten to leave him and see if he would come on his knees begging. Pay attention to little details that matter and not just the effizy. Don't only love his money, status and paparazzi, love his ordinary personality more. Don't marry for spiritual reasons only, be quite selfish and go for what your physical body wants as well.
Well, May the Almighty guide us all.

Well and truly said. this is as practical as it can be. but my ladies.. a little advice, tread with caution .that said.. relationships and what they lead to can only be decided by fate. personally I dont look down on ladies even after being intimate.. in a nutshell have a practical view about sex in relationships. the op have said it all but while you are at it, take your brains along.

funny you.... I abstain because Christ tel sme too, not because of sme mythology......you keep yourself til marriage, not because you want a Gud husband BT because u want to..... dz post z just a way of making non virgins feel Gud.. ...... dia population z mor so expect mor likes for d pros........ sex z 1 of d easiest tin you can get out dia (for free sef), BT U can Neva gt ur virginity back..... mk ur own choice n don't let sme article or myth mk it for u....

Vivalavida99: Sweetmelon, you ain't far from the truth. The thirstiness of today's men/guys is beyond believe. And like you rightly said, you can be Kardashian, you can be mother Theresa, you can Brittney, but what will be will surely be. Dig that?

Well you cannot for example, be looking delicious like that and expect me for example to see you and not be thirsty or hungry sef

Amazing piece! Sharing with my female friends..... especially the one who tells me sex should be prepared for instead of being spontaneous.

No3...smh

LaurelP: I don't believe that if a man doesn't make sexual advances at a lady, something is wrong with him

Believe me, when a guy is really interested in you for a serious relationship he definitely would make those advances, except he is not bold enough.

Sweetlemon:
4. If A Man Loves You He Won't Want To Have Sex Till Marriage:
Ha! You obviously do not know jack about men! See, as a general rule, men love sex. In fact, when a man hits on you, he wants sex as part of whatever package he wants from you. Whether na one night stand, side dish, contract, or marriage. If he doesn't, chances are that something is seriously wrong with him. Babe shine your eyes, if your intending husband has never had an erection while both of you are alone. Ha!
Even if you do not want to have sex with him until marriage, make sure that chemistry is there. Make sure you see a sign of hot and steamy nights to come after marriage. Thank me later.

I diasgree totally with the above..Explain to me how you came up with such thesis??

A man must not make advances at you b4 marriage, neither is it a yardstick to measure love. Sex is not always priority for everyone and YES, it is not abnormal.

stupid thread. stupid thread.

Dbestmax: Omoh c post....all ma ladies...All I want is your.............
I knw wetin dey ur corrupt mind...
All I want is ur Love..bt lik police..think the opposite

Your own corrupt mind is greater... Your mind judges you

Dynamo1: Nice write up, should come in handy for the singles. Let love flow naturally, do not coerce it like most females do. Ensure he loves you as much as you do. Threaten to leave him and see if he would come on his knees begging. Pay attention to little details that matter and not just the effizy. Don't only love his money, status and paparazzi, love his ordinary personality more. Don't marry for spiritual reasons only, be quite selfish and go for what your physical body wants as well.
Well, May the Almighty guide us all.

NEVER threaten him(her) or tempt him(her)... some have made mistakes and broken engagements.
Pray for ur partner and trust him... Love need be pampered for it to grow... is not auto... Ur height now wasn't automatic

Nice,

I remember my school days, a lot of hypocrites will condemn sex and then hide to indulge. For me I'd love to meet a real lady, as real as I am. Somebody who would have no wahala farting in my presence, that's how real I need it to be. Still searching seriously for another Sisi.

banega: Very educating piece Op, buh what in God's earth is toto ? ah think that word is inappropriate,. If you ask mee• • •

Depends on your perspective...toto is the name of a company and this their website..
http://www.toto.co.jp/en/

...but seriously, it's part of the human anatomy, what is inappropriate with that? Stop looking at it with a depraved mind, it's simply one of the hundreds body parts God gave humanity.

Come to think of it, had Adam and Eve not eaten that fruit, we will be all running around today wearing our birthday suits and we will not bet an eye.

Since the purpose of heaven is to restore man to how God originally intended after creation, when he declared that we are perfect just like we are, something tells me in heaven, we will get our birthday suits back.

kibo:

I diasgree totally with the above..Explain to me how you came up with such thesis??

A man must not make advances at you b4 marriage, neither is it a yardstick to measure love. Sex is not always priority for everyone and YES, it is not abnormal.

If men function chemistry, the way God created them, they will react in the presence of a lady they are attracted to, even born again ones....the difference is the ability to control self. As humans, even spirit filled ones, they could slip and the lady will notice the pressure, but many guys can keep it under control.

If as a lady, you don't catch your guy with whom you have not done the deed with fighting to keep himself under control once or twice, he must be a eunuch or something is wrong in the chemistry department.

jpphilips:

Did you notice that the OP put an age limit to her observations?
she said she realised it in her 30yrs of existence, if you are not 30, you will never understand what she is saying and she didn't expect you to either, reason for the disclaimer.

The opinion I read here easily tells me that here is an assortment of minors, it doesn't mean they have nothing to offer but relationship wise, it will definitely be a mistake to take their words for anything.

You said responsible men dont marry wh0res, who married Kim kardishian? who married JLO? who married Angelina Jolie? or are they not wh0res enough?
How can you make such statement when I am sure you don't know what it takes for a man to be responsible?

You said your ibo brothers pick wives from the village a naive mind you are, you thought they went for Virginia? lol the village gals are worse dan city gals, they just chose a soft target whom they will uplift financially in exchange for her unalloyed control.

I am sure the OP never knew this when she was a teenager like you.
for 19yr olds who are still drumming the chest of virginity, my take is this "may experience teach you better".

You only said 1 tin, you asserted dat I was a teenager while yuu are an elder (which shows u re way less mature than you claim).... Since u don't even know me
Only kids log into a public forum and call people with divergent opinions children... I don't care how old u re but you are an adult kid...

All you wrote up there are total crap which justifies my calling u a kid, u clearly are not smart enough to engage me in a discourse... Who is kim kardashian, who is jlo... They are celebrities, American celebrities.... Americans and Nigerians are not the same... Americans are too individualistic, even porn stars get married... How many of our popular actresses are still single... Use ur tongue to count ur teeth...
Besides u don't live lyk a hoe when you are not angelina jolie and expect a reasonable man to marry you... How many of your brothers are married to prostitutes, would you allow ur child marry a stripper... Is ur wife a stripper
Any Nigerian kim kardarshian would remain single.... Try it, tell one of your sisters to make a sex tape and see if she won't be single for the rest of her life...
Like I said earlier, people go to the villages to marry because they assume those in the village are less loose, which justifies my position dat Nigerians do not intentionally marry loose women.. Most of the time...

Finally, GROW UP, if you have something to say, say it.. Don't go about calling people kids... Not everyone is your age or sense mate... Be wise

Ops abegi i need summary

I have two girls, and I was thinking and calculating the one I will choose, they are very beautiful, then I ask the first one sex, she said till we wed, then the 2rd give it to me and satisfied me wella and she is the one I married last month, am proud of her.

huuuuhn...pls tell them oo. very educative tho

Lemme comment my reserve as i agree with very little of what i see here.

Its a thing of choice anyway,different strokes for different folks. Its simply a personal thing.

linearity:
If men function chemistry, the way God created them, they will react in the presence of a lady they are attracted to, even born again ones....the difference is the ability to control self. As humans, even spirit filled ones, they could slip and the lady will notice the pressure, but many guys can keep it under control. If as a lady, you don't catch your guy with whom you have not done the deed with fighting to keep himself under control once or twice, he must be a eunuch or something is wrong in the chemistry department.

This is not an explanation for my question, your definition of "react" in this scenario was not what OP was describing, and even your explanation is not convincing enough. So if you dont catch your guy fighting temptations, he is not normal This is rather a harsh way to view things. It is very possible to restrict yourselves from making advances. Its a different thing if you express your love through words, hugging, shaking or any other normal gesture, but making advances, NO. It is never a yardstick to measure a guy. It is very possible and normal if you hold strong principles on that.

BTW, this was what OP said,

Sweetlemon:
Ha! You obviously do not know jack about men! See, as a general rule, men love sex. In fact, when a man hits on you, he wants sex as part of whatever package he wants from you. Whether na one night stand, side dish, contract, or marriage. If he doesn't, chances are that something is seriously wrong with him.

Refer to the bolded above to buttress my point.

I REPEAT, YOU DONT HAVE TO MAKE SUCH ADVANCES TO BE CONSIDERED NORMAL !!!

fckmn24seg:


Lie, no be man? Are u telling me u have feelings for those sarewa babes

That's for you to worry about... all men are not the same.