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Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Tannie(f): 10:13am On Jul 14, 2014 |
I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother. 8 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:14am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Go for it! |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by mcmeffy(m): 10:20am On Jul 14, 2014 |
donroxy: I love career woman because I'm highly career oriented and If you aint following my steps or me following your steps then I'm gonna get bored easily cuz U can't be telling me about Tomato , Tatashe , abi some clothing lines everyday !! ....True talk.. I concur. 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Ajekpakororo: 10:20am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Tannie: I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother. And by doing that,you are killing two birds with a stone.Building a good society,and bringing in well nurtured minds to live in it.Kudos. 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by cococandy(f): 10:22am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Any body who's a parent should know their family comes first. Be he husband or wife. A man who makes all the money in the world without being available for his kids is still considered a failure as a father. Kids who grew up with absentee fathers know this too. That no amount of money can make up for the parents deep and intimate involvement in their lives. This mindset is what makes mothers more celebrated than fathers because despite all the money the kids are more bonded with who was available for them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being ambituous be you man or woman. But a balance is necessary for both parties. And curtailing your ambitions as a woman isn't the answer. That's bondage. Knowing how to make the best of your time is the answer. Who's talking about African women in particular here? Do African women raise better kids than other races? Look at Nigeria as a case study and look at other societies and tell me how relegating yourselves to the background or curtailing your ambitions as african women has helped your country. I still maintain it is better for the kids if both parents make time for them. Excusing fathers' absence in the name of bread winning is almost the same thing as a single mom raising her kids alone with the father paying child support. lynpetra: 9 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:23am On Jul 14, 2014 |
cococandy: Any body who's a parent should know their family comes first. Be he husband or wife. That means that too many NIgerians were brought up by their mothers alone and explains why the society as a whole is a failure. I love this your comment. Every single point in it. 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 10:33am On Jul 14, 2014 |
This is a really complicated topic and from my observation .. Their is really no right answer or stance, it is not black or white ... the best bet is that one should go for whatever works for him or her and proceed to settle with someone who shares the same ideology. But as we do so I think it is important to note the following points. 1. Family must come first before career for both couples. They both should be involved in a child's upbringing and more involved in each others life. 2. Both partners would try as much as possible to ensure they aid each other have a fulfilling life and career and should never try to prevent one another from reaching for the stars for egotistical reasons. 3. Nothing is set in stone, your stance may change in the future. The baseline is that both parties should be willing to make compromises when it is called for... To ensure the family never suffers. 4. Its not a crime for a woman to not have any ambition other than be a good house wife, so is it not a crime for a woman to desire to rise to be the CEO of a fortune 500 company. The most crucial thing is never let the home front suffer as a woman. The survival of the family structure is more dependent on you the woman. 5. Is not a crime as man to go for a less ambitious woman or to go for a very ambitious woman. The most important thing is you do your best to ensure you both have a fulfilling married life. #Justsaying #Mathew Briggs 4 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:38am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Matthewbriggs: This is a really complicated topic and from my observation .. Their is really no right answer or stance, it is not black or white ... the best bet is that one should go for whatever works for him or her and proceed to settle with someone who shares the same ideology. I love this comment. I only disagree with the bold because I think that fathers are equally IMPORTANT for the success of the family as a whole and equally IMPORTANT for their children and of course the wife. Saying that mothers are more important is discriminating against fathers. In my view. That said, this is a beautiful comment. 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by cococandy(f): 10:39am On Jul 14, 2014 |
The mind boggles Meanwhile a great shout out to all the fathers out there who balance their careers with family life. Your kids will forever be grateful and have sweet memories of a loving attentive father in their lives. Rather than a cash cow father who doesn't even know what they like to eat for breakfast. carefreewannabe: 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Ajekpakororo: 10:42am On Jul 14, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: The man has to.What use is an effeminate man in a homeYour kids can NEVER respect you.I have come across such homes and how kids degrade their father to dusts!!!Look,a father's domestic roles should not be expected to be on a shoulder level with the mother's.The loopholes as a result of his absence should be filled in by his wife.He should be able to balance his ambitions with his domestic roles at home else,he might end up having sons who thinks and acts like women. There is a difference between just bringing out a child and being a mother.The first is the ability to conceive,and the other is the ability to nurture and this takes more time and effort.A woman who has succeeded in populating the society with liabilities as a result of her inability to perform her domestic roles is a failure.A man who do not provide for his home,who do not take adequate measure to spend quality times with his kids and wife,creating time and merging dosmetic roles with his wife in other to create a functional home is also a failure. 7 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Ajekpakororo: 10:44am On Jul 14, 2014 |
cococandy: The mind boggles 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:44am On Jul 14, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I also disagree with you. Women are pivotal in the development of children and the family. I for one am a perfect example. If a man loses his wife to death most times he remarries because he doesn't naturally have the capacity to take full care of children, am not saying some men don't do it but it's rare. But most women have the capacity to train children without the support of a man and they become successful men and women in future. Women have to first and foremost make that sacrifice, God is not a fool there is a reason why it's the woman who has the womb. Nurturing a child doesn't end in the belly. 4 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:45am On Jul 14, 2014 |
cococandy: The mind boggles Unfortunately, this is all what many people expect of a father. I was lucky enough to have a father AND a grandfather who apart from working would spend a lot of time with me, teaching me, playing with me, cooking for me, taking me out .... |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by expert101(m): 10:46am On Jul 14, 2014 |
[size=28pt]We no longer have ambitious parents that are ready to change the society in which they live. What we have now are greedy parents chasing money at the detriment of their homes and children. I believe couples should seat down and map out how they can raise good children despite their ambition.[/size] 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Tallesty1(m): 10:48am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Tannie: I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother.You are right. It is lust for money and power that cause all these. A married woman first becomes a friend, a wife then a mother before any other thing. If you know you cannot do these then it's better you don't marry at all. In a christain home it is CHRIST first. HUSBAND second. CHILDREN THIRD. Family must come first before your job. You must spend quality time with your family and any job doesn't allow you to bond with your family is not mean't for you. Always keep your priorities in check, it is important. Some are chasing after wind unknowingly later they will say "I wish I spent more time with my family". As a parent, it is your job to raise your children to prepare them for the world with the help of your partner, this is not the work of any nanny or your own mother. It is the no. 1 reason he married you. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:50am On Jul 14, 2014 |
teeo: First of all, let us leave religion out of it. Your faith is not necessarily mine. You are free to disagree as much as you want. I do NOT believe that women are pivotal. I believe that both parents are EQUALLY IMPORTANT. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Harmvirus(f): 10:53am On Jul 14, 2014 |
teeo: I agree with you, a woman that truly loves her kids will compromise without even being asked to do so once she sees they are suffering because of her over ambitiousness. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:56am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Ajekpakororo: What makes a man effeminate? Just for your info, more and more German men decide to stay at home when their children are young, German men consider it NORMAL to share chores, German men consider it a joke that a woman's place is in the kitchen. Did they make the impression they were effeminate yesterday? There is a difference between just bringing out a child and being a mother.The first is the ability to conceive,and the other is the ability to nurture and this takes more time and effort.A woman who has succeeded in populating the society with liabilities as a result of her inability to perform her domestic roles is a failure.A man who do not provide for his home,who do not take adequate measure to spend quality times with his kids and wife,creating time and merging dosmetic roles with his wife in other to create a functional home is also a failure. How does a woman succeed in populating the society with liabilities? By having a job? |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by TV01(m): 11:00am On Jul 14, 2014 |
cococandy: Any body who's a parent should know their family comes first. Be he husband or wife. I was really liking this until I hit the bolded. It's plainly contradictory. As a husband and father, I reduced my "personal activity time" to be with and contribute to my family more. I also cut the hours I was putting in at work - in many corporations working smart is fine, but you have to be seen working hard as well, moreso if you are a "minority" - I curtaied some of my personal ambitions - am I in bondage? The myth of "have it all" or the fallacy of role "reversal" can only ever hold true for a few, and that due too uncommon circumstances. They simply won't work for the vast majority. Biblically and in most cultures, the primary rsponsibility of a couple is the well-being of their family. Moreso if there are children involved. Ab initio, getting married means there will probalby come a point at which sacrifice is involved - i.e. putting others, especially children before yourself. There are natural roles and roles that tend to come naturally. Do men give birth? Do children not instinctively turn to their mothers when in distress. Are both parents equally needed during a childs earliest years? Biblically even men are to ensure their homes are in order before they take on duties in the church. For both men and women, the well-being of the family unit comes first and if personal ambitions - in any endeavour - have to be curtailed/sacrificed/truncated to ensure this then so be it. You are implicitly agreeing to this when you get married, so be sure to understand that fact. As for role reversal, especially in the sense of being a bread-winner. I won't repeat myself having written on that here; https://www.nairaland.com/1804695/whats-happening-men/8#24591430 If anyone wants to work with a model that is not scriptural, cultural or traditional, fine, but be sure both parties are clearly aware and accepting of this before marriage. Otherwise it's touching stories of "after marriage they changed....". If your career or personal ambitions are more important than your marriage, please let them know long before the "I do..." stage, or alternatively, say "I don't...". Brought to you from "Better Foundation Relationships" (BeFoRe TM) TV 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by cococandy(f): 11:00am On Jul 14, 2014 |
I'm fine thanks Yes I am she Yes this is a new ID Old one is dead Joel3: i'm fine and you. are you loreta_U? What happen to your username? Is this a new id? |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Harmvirus(f): 11:01am On Jul 14, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I think a mother is more important. A child has that natural attachment to his mother that once she's not there he feels her absence more than when father is not there 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Tannie(f): 11:04am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Tallesty1: You are right. It is lust for money and power that cause all these. A married woman first becomes a friend, a wife then a mother before any other thing. If you know you cannot do these then it's better you don't marry at all. In a christain home it is CHRIST first. HUSBAND second. CHILDREN THIRD. Family must come first before your job. You must spend quality time with your family and any job doesn't allow you to bond with your family is not mean't for you. Always keep your priorities in check, it is important. Some are chasing after wind unknowingly later they will say "I wish I spent more time with my family". As a parent, it is your job to raise your children to prepare them for the world with the help of your partner, this is not the work of any nanny or your own mother. It is the no. 1 reason he married you. My dear, the society is dieing because parents esp mothers are leaving their responsibilties to nannies. I'm a christain and I know what is obtainable in every christain home and that's the standard on which I will build my home. My family first in everything I do. 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:06am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Harmvirus: I was more attached to my father and grandfather as a child so, from my personal experience, I disagree. Was I unnatural? |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by TV01(m): 11:09am On Jul 14, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I do NOT believe that women are pivotal. I believe that both parents are EQUALLY IMPORTANT. The truth is that women tend to be more pivotal on the home front. As for the "EQUALLY IMPORTANT" point, please expalian, are they equally important in the same way? Are the roles exactly the same - or effectively inter-changeable? TV **congratulations on your win. I was rooting for the Argentines, but the Germans deservedly took the spoils** |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Ajekpakororo: 11:10am On Jul 14, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I am not saying a woman should be a housewife ooo.All I am saying is that she shouldn't let her ambitions affect her motherly responsibilities,hence populating the society she has worked hard to build and be responsible to with liabilities. For men who are lucky enough to create equal time with their wives for their kids,that's is commendable.Again,let's not compare a developed Germany with Nigeria.It gets tough here. 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by deesquarediddy(m): 11:14am On Jul 14, 2014 |
I don't really agree with this. Women(the ambitious ones) are very multi-tasking that most men wonder how they manage to cope with career and at the same time be a good home maker. If you love each other, you both help each other achieve your individual dreams. Its simple, you fill-in any area your partner in found wanting. *********************** Lets hear your views. https://www.nairaland.com/1810238/rate-gejs-administration-based-worldwide |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:17am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Harmvirus: True that but unnecessary civilization and the drive for feminism has pushed women away from the home front which should be their primary duty. Men are to be bread winners working hard to put food and good resources on the table. Am totally in support of ambitious women but I don't think I would want my wife to sacrifice the development of our children for an unneeded achievements. If after all the achievements your child becomes wayward and ruins your name, the achievement amounts to nothing, it becomes total rubbish. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 11:19am On Jul 14, 2014 |
teeo: Word!!! Same here @ bolded |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by fflamingo(m): 11:22am On Jul 14, 2014 |
CocoLoca: THIS ENTIRE PIECE IS JUST A SHALLOW ATTEMPT AT SELF-ADVERTISING AND PROMOTION OF PHANTOM QUALITIES WRITER THINKS HE POSSESSES.when next you see a topic that is original and educating. Please appreciate. 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Tallesty1(m): 11:23am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Tannie: |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:23am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Ajekpakororo: I agree with you but I think that fathers are equally important and MUST try their best to balance work and family life as much as mothers. This is an appreciation of all fathers from my side and a necessity in my view. For men who are lucky enough to create equal time with their wives for their kids,that's is commendable.Again,let's not compare a developed Germany with Nigeria.It gets tough here. The fact that life is tough in Nigeria is the more reason for women to help their husbands. A woman who works does NOT ONLY help her family, she helps the country as a whole. Women work → earn money → spend more money → demand for more goods and services → create more jobs This does not mean, a family cannot choose to have a traditional division of labour. I am very much pro-choice and freedom but no choice shuld be discriminated against. Even if Germany and Nigeria are very different, it was a good example to show that a man who takes on different roles than solely providing financially is still a man and can be even a better man. Germany is the best example of how refusing to take on traditional roles does not make anyone be less of a man. #teamManuelNeuerisdamnhot 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by bukatyne(f): 11:27am On Jul 14, 2014 |
Very funny OP: What happens when the wife becomes more ambitious yers after marriage? The key is not finding a less ambitious wife; it is finding a woman with the same values. Also, one's path does not equal ambitiousness or lack of; I heard of a teacher who never married because he always wanted to be there for his students and saw marriage as a hindrance (wierd considering the fact that teaching is a go to profession for married women due to time. Let us not go into the reason why most teachers are frustrated and add absolutely no values to the pupils) ; while I was serving, I organized night classes when I felt the day time was not enough. There are also women in seemingly ambitious prfessions who are just there by chance. Don't also confuse hours spent with ambition; a cleaner who lives at Oshod and works at V/I will spend more time at work (transport included) than a bank mgr who lives at Lekki and works at V/I. Training a child is not the hours spent but the quality of the time spent. And lastly, it is the duty of both parents to build a home and train their kids. P.S.: What class would late Dora Akunyili fall into? 2 Likes |
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