TV01:

The truth is that women tend to be more pivotal on the home front.

As for the "EQUALLY IMPORTANT" point, please expalian, are they equally important in the same way? Are the roles exactly the same - or effectively inter-changeable?


TV

^{**congratulations on your win. I was rooting for the Argentines, but the Germans deservedly took the spoils**}

cococandy: Any body who's a parent should know their family comes first. Be he husband or wife.
A man who makes all the money in the world without being available for his kids is still considered a failure as a father.
Kids who grew up with absentee fathers know this too. That no amount of money can make up for the parents deep and intimate involvement in their lives.

This mindset is what makes mothers more celebrated than fathers because despite all the money the kids are more bonded with who was available for them.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being ambituous be you man or woman. But a balance is necessary for both parties. And curtailing your ambitions as a woman isn't the answer. That's bondage.
Knowing how to make the best of your time is the answer.

Who's talking about African women in particular here?
Do African women raise better kids than other races? Look at Nigeria as a case study and look at other societies and tell me how relegating yourselves to the background or curtailing your ambitions as african women has helped your country.

I still maintain it is better for the kids if both parents make time for them. Excusing fathers' absence in the name of bread winning is almost the same thing as a single mom raising her kids alone with the father paying child support.

TV01:

I was really liking this until I hit the bolded. It's plainly contradictory. As a husband and father, I reduced my "personal activity time" to be with and contribute to my family more.

I also cut the hours I was putting in at work - in many corporations working smart is fine, but you have to be seen working hard as well, moreso if you are a "minority" - I curtaied some of my personal ambitions - am I in bondage?

The myth of "have it all" or the fallacy of role "reversal" can only ever hold true for a few, and that due uncommon circumstances. They simply won't work for the vast majority.

Biblically and in most cultures, the primary rsponsibility of a couple is the well-being of their family. Moreso if there are children involved. Ab initio, getting married means there will probalby come a point at which sacrifice is involved - i.e. putting others, especially children before yourself. There are natural roles and roles that tend to come naturally. Do men give birth? Do children not instinctively turn to their mothers when in distress. Are both parents equally needed during a childs earliest years?

Biblically even men are to ensure their homes are in order before they take on duties in the church. For both men and women, the well-being of the family unit comes first and if personal ambitions - in any endeavour - have to be curtailed/sacrificed/truncated to ensure this then so be it. You are implicitly agreeing to this when you get married, so be sure to understand that fact.

As for role reversal, especially in the sense of being a bread-winner. I won't repeat myself having written on that here;
https://www.nairaland.com/1804695/whats-happening-men/8#24591430


If anyone wants to work with a model that is not scriptural, cultural or traditional, fine, but be sure both parties are clearly aware and accepting of this before marriage. Otherwise it's touching stories of "after marriage they changed....". If your career or personal ambitions are more important than your marriage, please let them know long before the "I do " stage.


Brought to you from the "Better Foundation Relationships (BeFoRe)"


TV


TV

carefreewannabe:

I was more attached to my father and grandfather as a child so, from my personal experience, I disagree.

Was I unnatural?

deesquarediddy: I don't really agree with this. Women(the ambitious ones) are very multi-tasking that most men wonder how they manage to cope with career and at the same time be a good home maker. If you love each other, you both help each other achieve your individual dreams. Its simple, you fill-in any area your partner in found wanting.



***********************
Lets hear your views.

https://www.nairaland.com/1810238/rate-gejs-administration-based-worldwide

Harmvirus:

Lol! I don't think you are 100% truthful
Buh was your mum absent?

Anyway all I'm saying is that a woman should always try to make herself availiable for her kids, career notwithstanding

teeo:

True that but unnecessary civilization and the drive for feminism has pushed women away from the home front which should be their primary duty. Men are to be bread winners working hard to put food and good resources on the table. Am totally in support of ambitious women but I don't think I would want my wife to sacrifice the development of our children for an unneeded achievements.
If after all the achievements your child becomes wayward and ruins your name, the achievement amounts to nothing, it becomes total rubbish.

Tannie: I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother.

teeo:

I also disagree with you. Women are pivotal in the development of children and the family. I for one am a perfect example.
If a man loses his wife to death most times he remarries because he doesn't naturally have the capacity to take full care of children, am not saying some men don't do it but it's rare.
But most women have the capacity to train children without the support of a man and they become successful men and women in future.
Women have to first and foremost make that sacrifice, God is not a fool there is a reason why it's the woman who has the womb. Nurturing a child doesn't end in the belly.

carefreewannabe:

I agree with you but I think that fathers are equally important and MUST try their best to balance work and family life as much as mothers. This is an appreciation of all fathers from my side and a necessity in my view.




The fact that life is tough in Nigeria is the more reason for women to help their husbands.

A woman who works does NOT ONLY help her family, she helps the country as a whole.

Women work → earn money → spend more money → demand for more goods and services → create more jobs

This does not mean, a family cannot choose to have a traditional division of labour. I am very much pro-choice and freedom but no choice shuld be discriminated against.

Even if Germany and Nigeria are very different, it was a good example to show that a man who takes on different roles than solely providing financially is still a man and can be even a better man.

Germany is the best example of how refusing to take on traditional roles does not make anyone be less of a man.

#teamManuelNeuerisdamnhot

Ajekpakororo:

Lol.
A man who performs kitchen roles is an added advantage.IMO,he has gone beyond borders to create a balance especially if his job description is demanding.


Abeg where DailyNews

hayorbaami:

As simple as the above. I do not understand why some assume every ambitious woman lacks time management and will not know how to balance the homefront. Are they trying to tell me teachers or these ministry workers raise kids better than their counterpart in the corporate world? As far as I am concerned, all hands should be on deck for a family to progress. If a woman decides to settle for less just to keep the homefront, what happens when the husband dies, gets sacked, starts misbehaving and the money flow from her less ambitious job isn't enough to cater for every member of the family anymore?


Should a woman who is a nurse that would definitely run afternoon and night shifts give up her job and passion cos homefront will suffer? Or a female doctor who's always on call? These people with(or sometimes without) the help of their husbands still train good children because they manage their time and multitask effectively even if it is at the detriment of their social lives.

To each is own, but we have stop this misleading assumption that every ambitious woman will fail in her home. These women are seen in all sectors in today's world having the best of both(career and family).

carefreewannabe:


You do NOT have to believe me, I know that the two men were closer to me than anyone else when I was a child. It gives me a lot of strength up to this day. They are very much responsible for my success.

My mother was NOT absent and I loved her too but I was closer to my father and my grandfather and it was cool

My father taught me to love books, be interested in politics, to always try to be the best in anything and to enjoy unhealthy food

My grandpa would cuddle me a lot and teach me to take care of the weak and of cars, he even let me sit on his lap and steer a car, which explains why I am the best female driver in the world now

I could go on and on.

Both men were working and my mum and granny were working too. They shared all responsibilites. ALL.

I remember grandpa coming home and taking care of the garbage every day. He would not rest his lazy butt after work, he saw the work around the house and helped grandma.

This is how I grew up. Not everything was perfect but I am very greatful.




I agree, so should fathers.

Harmvirus:

Wow! quite an interesting experience.
Yea, both parties have their parts to play but I still believe the mums shouldn't neglect their kids..to each his own

bukatyne: Very funny OP:

What happens when the wife becomes more ambitious yers after marriage?

The key is not finding a less ambitious wife; it is finding a woman with the same values.

Also, one's path does not equal ambitiousness or lack of; I heard of a teacher who never married because he always wanted to be there for his students and saw marriage as a hindrance (wierd considering the fact that teaching is a go to profession for married women due to time. Let us not go into the reason why most teachers are frustrated and add absolutely no values to the pupils) ; while I was serving, I organized night classes when I felt the day time was not enough.

There are also women in seemingly ambitious prfessions who are just there by chance.

Don't also confuse hours spent with ambition; a cleaner who lives at Oshod and works at V/I will spend more time at work (transport included) than a bank mgr who lives at Lekki and works at V/I.

Training a child is not the hours spent but the quality of the time spent.

And lastly, it is the duty of both parents to build a home and train their kids.

P.S.: What class would late Dora Akunyili fall into?

damiso:

Great points. Demanding careeer/ambitions are subjective. An entrepreneur might have a demanding career but might have the flexibility of time to spend with the family as opposed to a 9 to 5 person. A GP in a GP surgery is also a doctor but probably has more time than a Consultant in a large hospital.Like some one else said definitely not black and white.

carefreewannabe:

I love this comment.

I only disagree with the bold because I think that fathers are equally IMPORTANT for the success of the family as a whole and equally IMPORTANT for their children and of course the wife. Saying that mothers are more important is discriminating against fathers. In my view.

That said, this is a beautiful comment.

Tannie: I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother.

Ajekpakororo:


And by doing that,you are killing two birds with a stone.Building a good society,and bringing in well nurtured minds to live in it.Kudos.

remsonik: I would ve a hard time settling with such a man cos I and my siblings are raised to be very ambitious and there were no barriers or limitations cos I am a girl. My dad was doing his private business while my mum was in the civil service. My mom rose to the top and she retired and my dad kept pushing her to achieve more,get a doctorate degree and rise to the pinnacle of her career.
If the man is insecured that's when he starts feeling his wife is over ambitious. A woman doesn't need to abandon or limit her dreams cos of a man. If she indeed is lazy even limiting her dreams won't make the home any better.
We didn't ve maids while growing up but my mom was a homemaker and my dad assisted her too.
My parents have been married for close to 40 years.

BizBloke:

This should be one of the reasons why most children are closer to their mothers than their fathers. I'll feel bad and 'jealous' if the gap is huge. Kinda sucks!

carefreewannabe:

What is my primary responsibility?

carefreewannabe:

Should fathers neglect their children?

Matthewbriggs:

I also think you do. .

*runs away*

Harmvirus:

No, fathers should also be there for their kids but a woman shouldn't abandon her primary role as a mother

jhidey08: r u asking me? U dunno ur primary responsibility as a woman?

carefreewannabe:

I do but I am curious what it is according to you.

I am waiting for your answer.

carefreewannabe:

I do but I am curious what it is according to you.

I am waiting for your answer.

cococandy: splendid