Goldenboy007:

The problem about seeking advise in forums like this is that people that don't having business advising you will also give you terrible advise.

I wonder what is wrong with people these days, you got married and now decided to change something about yourself regardless of what your spouse think? You do not have the right to change from how your spouse found you!!! This exactly is what causes problems in marriage !!! SO because you are married now, you think you are secured so no need to keep up your game? then you will have yourself to blame.

OP, I quite agree with you !! you have a genuine concern and nobody should criticize you! Don't let anybody condemn you on the way you feel! There is something that attracted us to whomever we married and it is not necessary for it to be "Love" !!! Some is physical attraction, some its money, some it is character ! Don't condemn anybody's reason for getting married !!!

This is a common problem, call her parents or an elder she respects and talk to them, let them talk to her. Even the bible clearly states the husband as the head of the wife and if whatever you are practicing negates this then you don't God. What if you decided to adopt a strange habit too? like getting a tattoo? earrings? or go become a Buddhist? How would she feel? However sha, keep your cool, at least thank God it is good thing she adopted and not that she decided to become a "wakawaka" wife

Nairalanders! If you are not married! stop advising married people because you don't know jack what it is all about !!!! Your Nollywood and Mills&Boom Romance Novel experience don't apply in reality!

Janetozi: why do u have to end it in verse 14, read down and see what men did with the earrings. Verse 15- but thou did trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renowned, & pouredst out thy fornication on every one that passed by; his it was.

17 thou has also taken thy fair jewels of gold and of my silver, which i had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men and didst commit whoredom with them

read that place very well and read it to the end.

*** i have butchered and ate several "mad cows" in the past, but still hungry for more.

obowunmi:


The Bible says you should not use makeup abi?

handsomeness: The BIG QUESTIONS you need to answer are: Why did you marry her? What attracted you to her? What are the things that caught your attention? I believe answering these questions will help facilitate better advice and response from us.

xynerise:
And if she doesn't make-up you will have no choice than to cheat on her?

onoja12: I would answer for him,there is nothing like cheating in African tradition,my friend if a wife refuses to be obedient,my guy take a second wife,if she gives trouble kick her out,cause a woman's ear is open to just one,and if she is not listening to you then she is listening to her pastor.
I stopped my wife from going to church for months for daring to give out food money to her church,I told her its either she is married to me or the pastor,they cant be two captains in this ship,she thought i was joking by the time she started night vigil and i started clubbing back,nobody told her before she returned to her senses

Blockus:


OP!!

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

One day, take her by surprise, looosen your belt and whip her like a child that she is. And when you are done, give her an ultimatum; Return to factory default setting or move out.

Dont let any pastor become the head of your family. If your biitch isnt acting right, whip her or cut the biitch off.

And its okay if you cheat now, God would understand. If Virgin Mary looked like that, she would not had been God's babymama.

uzoexcel: what really is ur point?

JhaayYoung: . So looking sexy for your husband is a sin.. Making your your husband want you is a sin right.. Oh, I see.. If there is anything greater that SEXY probably "Hot".. You should look it for your husband. He is your LORD and HUSBAND.

lrguru: apart from jezebel in the bible (in 2Kgs. 9:30 Then Jehu went to Jezreel. When Jezebel heard about it, she painted her eyes, arranged her hair and looked out of a window), tell me which sane or insane person ever used make up again in the bible?. If they say a person is possessed with jezebel spirit, I hope u know what it means, or when they call a person jezebel, cos she is an epitome of vain beauty, whorism (if there's any word like that) and evil (jezebel girls cult). Abeg bros wake up

Your very first problem is thinking that what was wrong with Jezebel was her beauty..
'Whorism' is an act, not a look.

obayaya:

Yeah, he's still being tempted that's why he needs all the help he can get right now.

Ppl deal with changes differently.

This man married a beautiful lady that takes care of her looks and all of a sudden she stops.

He'll still see ladies who dress good just like the way his wife used to everyday.

It may not be that easy for him to deal with as you do not know if his wife appearance was one of the major things he loved about her.

Marriage isn't selfish.. Yes.. his wife ought to have put that into consideration too.

Opening this thread means he really wants to save his marriage.

extremelygolden: I like your wisdom Obayaya. May same never depart from you.

JhaayYoung: . So looking sexy for your husband is a sin.. Making your your husband want you is a sin right.. Oh, I see.. If there is anything greater that SEXY probably "Hot".. You should look it for your husband. He is your LORD and HUSBAND.

xynerise:
And if she doesn't make-up you will have no choice than to cheat on her?

xynerise:
Did you read his post at all?

flipflop: Sir, I'm sure you did not marry her just for beauty alone. Your wife has acted on faith, you criticizing and demanding for her to change may destroy her faith. Give her your support as her husband and friend. If you feel she looks unkempt, it just because you are still looking for that woman she used to be. You suggesting cheating on her is absolutely absurd and terribly wicked. Your wife is your wife, stop loving her for the outside "beauty" and start focusing on the inward beauty that does not change or fade. *#shrugs shoulder

flipflop: Sir, I'm sure you did not marry her just for beauty alone. Your wife has acted on faith, you criticizing and demanding for her to change may destroy her faith. Give her your support as her husband and friend. If you feel she looks unkempt, it just because you are still looking for that woman she used to be. You suggesting cheating on her is absolutely absurd and terribly wicked. Your wife is your wife, stop loving her for the outside "beauty" and start focusing on the inward beauty that does not change or fade. *#shrugs shoulder

snowpe: I have been married for 4years now,recently my wife listened to a preaching on the issue of jewelries,trousers and makeup.suddenly she changed and since then she have been making her self unattractive in the name of church activities.sincerely she is making me to loose interest on her,I have spoken to her about it and she refuses to change.what should I do?l am seriously trying not to cheat on her.please I need advice on what to do to save this marriage.
please moderator move this to front page for advice

lrguru: u don't seem to get it, the way we dress and walk should not be to attract the other person lustfully, n like I said, wearing high heel do make u feel sexy, and being sexy is a sin cos it makes the other gender look at you lustfully, and I qouted matthew 5:18. I'm not compellin you to do as I say, n we are all entitled to our on opinion. The world is really been brainwashed and made to think that bad things are good, I won't talk further ma'am for the Bible made it clear that we should choose Ye this days who we would follow, if you think heels are good for u, fine

lrguru: and by sexy, do u mean beautiful or make up? If ur answer is the latter then u are forcing yourself on your husband to love u artificially, and that look will fade in no time. So we do not have good lookin guy/girls on the street without make-ups? If your own idea of looking good is induced beauty or make-up, then am afraid that beauty will be temporary. If your husband truly loves or desires you, he should love your body the way it was created by GOD, n not for u to abuse your own body by dressing half naked when goin out, exposing ur cleavage or n.yash or coat yourself with make up, all in the name of looking sexy

flipflop: Sir, I'm sure you did not marry her just for beauty alone. Your wife has acted on faith, you criticizing and demanding for her to change may destroy her faith. Give her your support as her husband and friend. If you feel she looks unkempt, it just because you are still looking for that woman she used to be. You suggesting cheating on her is absolutely absurd and terribly wicked. Your wife is your wife, stop loving her for the outside "beauty" and start focusing on the inward beauty that does not change or fade. *#shrugs shoulder

lastpage: I have read all previous post but from my own "life experiences" (not personal experience, before u begin ask me kwesion o! ),
there are two things you cannot take away or change in a woman. I call then the "No Going Back bridge", once crossed.

1.) The day she opens her legs for another man, apart from her husband

2.) The day she becomes a Religious fanatic and thinks her Church/Pastor in more important than her Husband/Home.


I wont say much but l will address this Op directly:

a.) I know you love your wife and wish you can turn back the hands of the clock but with time, you will realize that your life has just changed.
You have just crossed a line but everything now depends on how you can deal with it.

b.) trying times are ahead for you, be strong and be ready to face turmoil (Already your heart is troubled).

c.) I hate to say this but "There is no going back" at this point. You may try to "live with it" (and you have my greatest support on this decision) but something tells me that you may have lost the woman you married.
Lets come back to this thread in about 3-5 years from now and tell me if l am wrong! . Otherwise, you may end up living alone for a long time to come.

d.) Dont even consider "cheating" on her (Its like you are degrading your self and desecrating your own body which is the temple of God!)
As a young/middle-aged person, you have 'conjugal needs' but as long as you are married to somebody, those needs must be satisfied with that person, no 'if and buts'!

e.) To be honest (and you need to be honest to yourself), it is not her "dress-mode or hygiene" that is actually your biggest problem, it is her "CHANGE IN LOYALTY" that is eating you up. If l am right, will you be honest to say so to yourself, but better if you can say it publicly?

Marriage is a 'commitment between two people' (l never said 'contract') ...and it is about 'commitments' between the two!


*Your wife is no longer committed to you, you know it and you feel it in everything she does, right?
*You try to "reverse the trend" but it is even getting worse, right?
* You are afraid that the marriage is breaking down, right?
*You are considering your "options" silently within you, right?
* But most painful is that she just doesn't even care if you go or stay (she is married to Jayzusss now )

In the coming months, you will go through a lot of agony, your heart will be pained and you will cry in silence (its okay to cry, even as a man) but you need to remain mentally strong, remain focused and know that "bad things ALSO happen to good people".

It appears you are a good person at heart.

If anyone tells you she will "come back" to her "old self", they are deceiving you, or they just want to console you because the truth can be harsh at times and we all shy away from being the one to bell the cat.
Even right now, there are things l would have opened your eyes to that l am afraid your heart and mind may not be ready to accept and withstand, so better to take it one step at a time.

if you have kid(s), take solace in them and always be there for them, no matter what happens.
Pray and l also pray that God will heal your heart, in time.

Such is Life, l feel for you.

Lastpage!