I don't have a problem with the wife's change of dressing. Its the 'unkemptedness' that's the issue. Stop trying to convince her to go back to the trousers and make up. Make the best of the situation. Have a talk with her, tell her she can still be neat without all that after all cleanliness is next to godliness ((hey say). I know some churches where they don't use make up and trousers and the women still look good. Good luck

I see people equating spirituality with looking ugly outside and beautiful inside. Even the men of God are are looking nice these days why did she decide to go south.

But there may be deeper issues here, your wife maybe unhappy and depressed. Many sisters don't wear trousers or flashy clothes and they still look charming, you can even feel their inner radiance. A lot of people hide their misery under church canopy so instead of asking your wife to return to sexy clothes ask her if all is well inside her.

xynerise:
And if she doesn't make-up you will have no choice than to cheat on her?

ur signature touches me bro.
i think we nid to reflect on issues like dis all our days in this world

Dygeasy: I tried to bend right, left and low to view the issue from different perspectives and I still see NO CASE here.

Her change in dressing and appearance should matter not. What if it were something worse? Say incapacitation or amputation of her body parts? What would he do then?

It's hard, yeah but you signed up for all of that the moment you decided to get married.

Marriage is NOT selfish! GERRIT!!!

And @bolded, he hasn't overcome any temptation. He's still being tempted.

Sorry but it's very obvious you have never been married or you never placed yourself in his shoes before advicing.

Yes, saying he would cheat might have been immature of him to say but you can't just discard the main issue here.


In an ideal relationship, both partners are constantly working to achieve a goal. They work in sync.

You can't just discard his disatisfaction because this seems like a religious topic. I can't even recall anywhere in the Holy books where it was mentioned people must look UGLY and unkempt before they serve God?

The wife is the one making a drastic change here and she should learn she's in a relationship with someone and not by herself alone. The opinion of the other party also counts.

What about if it were to be something much more worse? Like she joining a smokers club. Shouldn't he be concerned also? He has tried to talk to her. The onion lies on her to convince her husband her new mode of dressing is the best thing for them and not taking unilateral decisions.

Simple things like this are what wreck homes and sow seeds of hate and enmity amongst couples.

Itoroetti:

ur signature touches me bro.
i think we nid to reflect on issues like dis all our days in this world

Seriously

In as much as she still dey baff, OP no get problem.

I don't know why everybody is just advising the op to accept the sudden change of the wife attitude to very important issue simply because this is not the only reason why he married at first place.

@Op, talk to your wife and let her know that worshipping God does not mean she should look unkept all the time.
Equally let her know the implication of what she is doing and your concern and worries. Hopefully she listens and change.

onegig: Sorry but it's very obvious you have never been married or you never placed yourself in his shoes before advicing.

Yes, saying he would cheat might have been immature of him to say but you can't just discard the main issue here.


In an ideal relationship, both partners are constantly working to achieve a goal. They work in sync.

You can't just discard his disatisfaction because this seems like a religious topic. I can't even recall anywhere in the Holy books where it was mentioned people must look UGLY and unkempt before they serve God?

The wife is the one making a drastic change here and she should learn she's in a relationship with someone and not by herself alone. The opinion of the other party also counts.

What about if it were to be something much more worse? Like she joining a smokers club. Shouldn't he be concerned also? He has tried to talk to her. The onion lies on her to convince her husband her new mode of dressing is the best thing for them and not taking unilateral decisions.

Simple things like this are what wreck homes and sow seeds of hate and enmity amongst couples.

I have never married and marriage is still a pretty long shot for me. But do I have to be married before I'll know it's wrong to even try to consider cheating?

And only the bolded part is the part I tackled the OP in my previous post. I didn't advise him.

You didn't raise bad points too.

You should discuss the issue with her mother since she isn't listening to you. Let the Mum explain to her that even if she isn't using those things she dosen't have to look unkempt. She needs to find a balance, let your wife know that you don't find her new look attractive and part of her responsibilities in marriage is to look good for her spouse.

Ask her how she would feel if you suddenly decide to stop barbing your hair or shaving because you've discovered a new faith that preaches that. Would she be happy?

People need to understand that yes you love someone for who they are on the inside but looks are very important in a marriage and neither party should make any drastic changes to their appearance that the spouse won't like.

ammyluv2002: I understand your point....I sugguest you find a way to still love her like that cause if that's the way she has chosen to worship her God, it won't be fair for you to start cheating on her. I know guys have areas that gets them attracted to ladies but you don't really have a choice here rather you should support her and makke her feel loved.

Btw, thatz why is always good to fall in love with the someone from the inside and not because of the physical apperance cause you may get married to a queen today and by tomorrow her beauty is gone. We should be able to still love those we claim we love even if the person turns out to be a skeleton tomorrow, just take a clue from a mother's love to her child or even God's love to His children. Love should be unconditional. @OP, pls don't get me wrong o...I'm not making reference to you, just saying generally

ok, will like to come in here. My understanding of marriage is a little different from whats above. Not trying to be too spiritual but even in churches, it is advised that wives satisfy their husbands. If hubby says he's not comfortable with her going for prayer meeting every day of the week, she shld sit at home. The best she can do is to try convince him. thats submission.

it also shows that we are humans after all. Yes, they are both christians but their level of esin is different. A submissive wife shld not carry church activities and doctrines above her husband and or family. Thats her an important call that God purposed for her. Except the family aims to separate her fron the love of God which is unacceptable. Foremost duty is to the husband and their happiness together

most of d comments on page 0 are from unmarried persons.

TBH to save your marriage, you must keep fit, kept, in shape and sexy. if anybody advises otherwise, then its deception. let your husband continue to see what he saw in the beginning... otherwise he will look for it elsewhere.

Sorry to say but there's nothing @Op or anyone can do about the situation. This Woman won't listen to anyone. Oga carry your cross!

snowpe: I have been married for 4years now,recently my wife listened to a preaching on the issue of jewelries,trousers and makeup.suddenly she changed and since then she have been making her self unattractive in the name of church activities.sincerely she is making me to loose interest on her,I have spoken to her about it and she refuses to change.what should I do?l am seriously trying not to cheat on her.please I need advice on what to do to save this marriage.
please moderator move this to front page for advice

The problem about seeking advise in forums like this is that people that don't have business advising you will also give you terrible advise.

I wonder what is wrong with people these days, you got married and now decided to change something about yourself regardless of what your spouse think? You do not have the right to change from how your spouse found you!!! This exactly is what causes problems in marriage !!! SO because you are married now, you think you are secured so no need to keep up your game? then you will have yourself to blame.

OP, I quite agree with you !! you have a genuine concern and nobody should criticize you! Don't let anybody condemn you on the way you feel! There is something that attracted us to whomever we married and it is not necessary for it to be "Love" !!! Some is physical attraction, some its money, some it is character ! Don't condemn anybody's reason for getting married !!!

This is a common problem, call her parents or an elder she respects and talk to them, let them talk to her. Even the bible clearly states the husband as the head of the wife and if whatever you are practicing negates this then you don't know God. What if you decided to adopt a strange habit too? like getting a tattoo? earrings? or go become a Buddhist? How would she feel? However sha, keep your cool, at least thank God it is good thing she adopted and not that she decided to become a "wakawaka" wife

Nairalanders! If you are not married! stop advising married people because you don't know jack what it is all about !!!! Your Nollywood and Mills&Boom Romance Novel experience don't apply in reality!

ammyluv2002: I understand your point....I sugguest you find a way to still love her like that cause if that's the way she has chosen to worship her God, it won't be fair for you to start cheating on her. I know guys have areas that gets them attracted to ladies but you don't really have a choice here rather you should support her and makke her feel loved.

Btw, thatz why is always good to fall in love with the someone from the inside and not because of the physical apperance cause you may get married to a queen today and by tomorrow her beauty is gone. We should be able to still love those we claim we love even if the person turns out to be a skeleton tomorrow, just take a clue from a mother's love to her child or even God's love to His children. Love should be unconditional. @OP, pls don't get me wrong o...I'm not making reference to you, just saying generally

I don't agree with you ooooh... Her style of worshiping God should not affect their marriage, Imagine the husband chooses to become celibate as his own style of worshiping God... Hope the woman would accept it

Blockus:


OP!!

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

One day, take her by surprise, looosen your belt and whip her like a child that she is. And when you are done, give her an ultimatum; Return to factory default setting or move out.

Dont let any pastor become the head of your family. If your biitch isnt acting right, whip her or cut the biitch off.

And its okay if you cheat now, God would understand. If Virgin Mary looked like that, she would not had been God's babymama.

Are you joking?

xynerise:
And if she doesn't make-up you will have no choice than to cheat on her?

My guy don marry make up.... Marriage I believe should be about inner qualities not physical qualities.

follow am repent........[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font] [b][/b]

Alhamdulilah I'm a muslim

Marriage is for better and for worse remember? Do I need to break it down for you?

@OP if u cant beat them you join them

The beauty of a woman is her husband's pride (that's my opinion). So you are in order if you don't like her sudden change in grooming.

What I think you should do is take the matter to your pastor (I hope both of you attend the same church!). Both of you need counselling. On the meantime, don't nag about her appearance. Shower her with gifts and attention.

Btw, do you have kids with her yet? Is she gainfully employed? Is she financially viable?

Crixie: I don't agree with you ooooh... Her style of worshiping God should not affect their marriage, Imagine the husband chooses to become celibate as his own style of worshiping God... Hope the woman would accept it

Well, you have a point sha

nnamdibig:

My guy don marry make up.... Marriage I believe should be about inner qualities not physical qualities.

Guy, when you are married, you will come and tell us whether marriage is ONLY about inner beauty.

No go deceive yourself ooo!

My man,u own your wife,u no where the shoe pinches,my kandid advice is,change your church or her church,change her sim card,change ur house. Setting and get like dstv for her. To always watch this western christain dress sense,get a more suffisticated pastor tape for her on christain and dress sense,like pastor tunde bakere,pastor sam adeyemi and pastor mattew ashimolowo or yemisi ashimolowo,then you are good to go

@op, ur wife wasn't born with make-up & jewelry on her face & attachment on her hair & she is not going back to her creator that way. U should should have try to find out is she looks attractive without those artificial or not b4 getting married to her, but now that u have married her & she becomes born again, u have to support her. Lead her not into hell...... Those things she avoid using are what she have to sacrificed to get where she wants to spend her eternity. Hell may be cheap but heaven is not.

atrix4g: Alhamdulilah I'm a muslim

And so? Does that exempt you from enjoying the beauty of your lawfully wedded wife?

xynerise:
Some people don't read between lines

why dont u proffer a solution if u have any and stop bickering