bukatyne:

Ever heard opporrunities work for those who are prepared abi luck favours the prepared.

He must have started preparing himself towards his future and Hilary's connection just clicked to make oit easier.

P.S.: Did Bill practice hypergamy?

What a woman!

pickabeau1: ok
me i believe in natures being complimentary

You call him slow; someone else calls him methodical
He may be content with his job or he loves the job or the colleagues

Refer to Maslow's hierarchy where people are satisfied with esteem and self awareness rather than basic needs of food and security

Nashville:

Pick, the guy here had no job, and he was waiting for his girlfriend to send him links before he could apply. Seriously?

Not sure which method he is using o.

flyca: OP, Personal Experience.

Sometime ago, I started "seeing" one of my sister's old time classmate, an Architect from a Federal University, graduated with a good result and have a Master's degree, and with two year experience too. These were the sketchy details I knew about him before we started dating. So yes!, he has potentials.

Ok. Two months into the r/ship, I noticed this guy was broke, broke with the necessities of basic living. I started becoming worried. I lived in a city two hours from his, but he couldn't afford t-fare (not time) once in a week or two to come and see me. Calls nko?, na me dey call most times. Ok o. I was still on it.

Once, I went to his office see him, by the time I set out by 5pm back to my city, I drank a bottle of coke. Even the taxi fare to the park, he didn't give me. Hmmmmm. No need to say, I was "down". Another day, I went back to his residence to visit him on a Sunday o, I nearly fainted at what I saw. His room in the family house even had a leaky roof

The one that broke the Carmel's back, was the day he asked me to transfer some call credit to his phone. At this time, I had completely lost grip!

So am I a gold-digger? Am I impatient? I'm I unrealistic or simply unreasonable? I leave the answers to you.

As much as having potentials is good, if its not translated into financial ability(lack of better adjectives), there is no need to bring out a lady from her father's house to starve her.

crackhaus:

Funny thread, see them ladies be chanting and explaining 'potential' when we all know the truth.

Make I siddon dey look first

Ask me na

ihedinobi2: Potential is not the same as guarantee, it's merely resident possibility. And just about every man has it.

However, to the crux of the matter: I believe strongly in finding your feet before looking for love. In fact, I do not believe in looking for love at all. I consider love as something that happens in the course of life. I personally prefer to have an understanding what I want in my woman and just carry on with life until I see it. And when I see it, I go after it like the devil is at my heels, doesn't matter what I'm doing right then.

A man who is steadily building his life will likely meet women he would like to share the work with. My answer to that situation is this: if she stays knowing that this is hard work and she fights on anyway, she's earned every right in the book. If she goes, like the Book says, "if we have suffered with Him we shall also reign with Him", the converse is also true.

The thing that must be dealt with as the problem is not what might or can happen in the future (which is what all the talk of potential tends to be about) but what any given man has planned for himself and what he is doing about it. Some men have a goal that takes a hell of a lot of work to get to while others have one that doesn't take quite so much. Believe me, to become a professional (a doctor, engineer, lawyer etc) is a lot easier than to be, say, an entrepreneur. The former can become the latter and probably a bit more easily than it is for one to head directly into it. But the direct path is by far more tasking, more discouraging and more tortuous. So, if a woman wants to judge "potential", she should be looking at where the man is headed and how much it will cost to get there and decide whether she's up to it.

I have not taken into consideration the vagaries of life. Accidents do happen and the best-laid plans are ripped apart without regard to what career path or vision any given person runs with. These things cannot be helped. But what a man wants to accomplish with his life is wholly under his control. A man's choice of purpose and of means for achieving his purpose is his alone. A woman may rightly judge him by that. A woman may also judge a man by his refusal to be held down by ever-changing circumstances or by his resignation to the forces of life.

Again, I emphasize, a woman is right to judge a man's ability to lead her into the destiny she desires for herself. She can thus judge each suitor and decide the one that best suits her overall vision in life. But if a woman finds a man who has a clear, unconfused and sensible vision that he is pursuing and he is giving everything he's got to it and taking every help within reason that he can get and she is just afraid that it is delaying so much so that she abandons him, then she does not deserve to have any hardworking man commit to life with her at all. And any such man who loses her has lost nothing of value. But if she sticks and insists on working it out, pushing him even when he is exhausted and discouraged as life is often capable of rendering even the hardiest of men, she's a diamond and deserves every bit of investment that such a man can put into her.


About the man in the op, I have two things to say:

1. It does not speak very well of him that five years down the line into his thirties he is still stymied. I understand that life can oppose one so much that they lose the strength to keep fighting and sort of settle down into a lethargy waiting for some kind of handout or pick-me-up. And many times it is totally legitimate. Not everyone is born a self-starter, that is the way God made the world. We are not all the same. But a man who does his best with what he has is not a failure or an unsuccessful man. In this particular case, however, I could feel lethargy through the story, weariness where there should be defiance and self-reinvention. But I can only see through the OP's eyes so I can only limit the accuracy of my judgment to the accuracy of his sentiments.

2. A woman is a terrible asset to a man. In the Bible it is said that one will chase a thousand but two will chase ten thousand. The presence of a woman in a man's life can boost him in the most amazing ways. A man can take a lot of things and endure a lot of things as long as he can count on the woman he has chosen to trust with his life. Frequently, however, when that trust is betrayed, men can be totally wrecked. A man can lose all his strength and zeal to live when a woman loses her faith in him. It takes a man choosing to move on IN SPITE of her to get beyond stuff like that. So I consider that it is very possible that the departure of his lady love dealt a severe blow to his will to fight for his life and dreams.

To that I say that my brother should get a new fixation, something that he can make more important than his very life and fight for it.

MizMyColi: Ask me na

raumdeuter: The girl didnt see in him what she was looking for So she left. Human beings are selfish anyway so I wont blame anyone of them

He too should try and make it, then raise his own bar too very high so that any girl that doesnt have such potential would be dumped even after introduction.

TV01:

disclaimer: I was not at all interested in what my wife earned when I met her. I noted her impecabble make-up and hair, watched her stride about in impossibly high chunky heels and a tight-fitting mermaid dress. Snap her fingers and run things - all the while nodding my head. Then she knelt down to pick something up, my jaw hit the ground and I said "da.y.um, I do believe I've met my bride". Potential ke? Everything had potented already !

crackhaus:
Oya who is a guy with potential?...and if you lie I will know

Simply put, a guy with potential is one who sees himself, not for where he is now, but for where he can be.

He understands the tenets of envisioning, which entails:
Seeing, Believing, Becoming, Practicing and Manifesting.

In addition to the actions stated above, you'll know a guy with potential by the kind of words he spews.

Then there's a place of instinct. We're all innately instinctive/intinuitive individuals (to varying degrees).

In the light of the above, one can detect an empty vessel that needs to be filled up or a filled vessel waiting to explode!

I've merely scratched the surface on this matter though

MizMyColi:
Simply put, a guy with potential is one who sees himself, not for where he is now, but for where he can be.

He understands the tenets of envisioning, which entails:
Seeing, Believing, Becoming, Practicing and Manifesting.

In addition to the actions stated above, you'll know a guy with potential by the kind of words he spews.

Then there's a place of instinct. We're all innately instinctive/intinuitive individuals (to varying degrees).

In the light of the above, one can detect an empty vessel that needs to be filled up or a filled vessel waiting to explode!

I've merely scratched the surface on this matter though

rebella:
Btw there are people that earn ridiculously high income and still do side businesses. They are the ones that even if they didn't have their jobs will still have potential for greatness..

MizMyColi:
Simply put, a guy with potential is one who sees himself, not for where he is now, but for where he can be.

He understands the tenets of envisioning, which entails:
Seeing, Believing, Becoming, Practicing and Manifesting.

In addition to the actions stated above, you'll know a guy with potential by the kind of words he spews.

Then there's a place of instinct. We're all innately instinctive/intinuitive individuals (to varying degrees).

In the light of the above, one can detect an empty vessel that needs to be filled up or a filled vessel waiting to explode!

I've merely scratched the surface on this matter though

RedBenson:

Thank you my brother @bolded. That's the spirit of the game. I remember a guy whose girl dumped him so mercilessly around 2005 after they had concluded plans on marriage simply because the dude was broke and she went for the supposed financially stable guy hoping they are married already even before they kick-start the relationship. The supposed rich dude used and dumped her like a sachet of pure water. Four years along later, she was still very single with no committed relationship, the dude she dumped was now gotten a good pay job and was doing well. No one knows who told him to revenge her. He took himself to her and was still telling her how much he loves her and ready to still take her as his dear wife. Seeing the dude was doing well now, she urgently grabbed him and next was marriage plans. Honestly, most of these intrigues we watch on Nollywood movies happen live. Could you believe that on the fateful day of the traditional marriage, the supposed awaited husband was being finger-crossedly waited for till sunset and he never showed up even till today. What surprised all was why the dude had to spend so much money on something he wasnt serious about. Funny things really do happen sha.

rebella: Actually nashville, pickabeau is right, he has a job and earns around 100k, but as the first born, he has a ton of responsibilities. So that 100k leave him with almost no savings at the end of the month. She on the other hand earns 500k and is looking for either and increase in pay or a title rise/vertical promotion with the same pay.
Btw there are people that earn ridiculously high income and still do side businesses. They are the ones that even if they didn't have their jobs will still have potential for greatness..

damiso: Potential varies from person to person I think as different people have different ideas of the kind of life they want to have.Some some might see 'American citizen' as potential if they have always dreamed of living abroad even if boda is a cab driver in america some might see 1st class degree as potential I just think it's kinda vague and she probably was not committed like TV said.Sebi we now live in modern times why can't she be the one with the 'potential' don't some women earn more than their husbands?

I just think defining 'potential' can be very vague as it will tend to vary from person to person depending on their outlook and priorities in life.

And no matter how it is denied some(before people bite me but I really think most )Naija gals with that typical naija mentality like to see 'glimpses' of that potential manifesting already.

pickabeau1:

Badosky...wow... Evulz...

crackhaus:
I particularly like the part about 'vessels'.

Pray tell, what kind of words are you referring to @emboldened?
Positive words? Affirmative words?

Edit:
Let's twist it up a little..yea?

Who is a woman with potential?

Ba3 low....I'll mention you when I charge up, we'll talk

RedBenson:

Has this happened to you before?

ihedinobi2: Potential is not the same as guarantee, it's merely resident possibility. And just about every man has it.

However, to the crux of the matter: I believe strongly in finding your feet before looking for love. In fact, I do not believe in looking for love at all. I consider love as something that happens in the course of life. I personally prefer to have an understanding what I want in my woman and just carry on with life until I see it. And when I see it, I go after it like the devil is at my heels, doesn't matter what I'm doing right then.

A man who is steadily building his life will likely meet women he would like to share the work with. My answer to that situation is this: if she stays knowing that this is hard work and she fights on anyway, she's earned every right in the book. If she goes, like the Book says, "if we have suffered with Him we shall also reign with Him", the converse is also true.

The thing that must be dealt with as the problem is not what might or can happen in the future (which is what all the talk of potential tends to be about) but what any given man has planned for himself and what he is doing about it. Some men have a goal that takes a hell of a lot of work to get to while others have one that doesn't take quite so much. Believe me, to become a professional (a doctor, engineer, lawyer etc) is a lot easier than to be, say, an entrepreneur. The former can become the latter and probably a bit more easily than it is for one to head directly into it. But the direct path is by far more tasking, more discouraging and more tortuous. So, if a woman wants to judge "potential", she should be looking at where the man is headed and how much it will cost to get there and decide whether she's up to it.

I have not taken into consideration the vagaries of life. Accidents do happen and the best-laid plans are ripped apart without regard to what career path or vision any given person runs with. These things cannot be helped. But what a man wants to accomplish with his life is wholly under his control. A man's choice of purpose and of means for achieving his purpose is his alone. A woman may rightly judge him by that. A woman may also judge a man by his refusal to be held down by ever-changing circumstances or by his resignation to the forces of life.

Again, I emphasize, a woman is right to judge a man's ability to lead her into the destiny she desires for herself. She can thus judge each suitor and decide the one that best suits her overall vision in life. But if a woman finds a man who has a clear, unconfused and sensible vision that he is pursuing and he is giving everything he's got to it and taking every help within reason that he can get and she is just afraid that it is delaying so much so that she abandons him, then she does not deserve to have any hardworking man commit to life with her at all. And any such man who loses her has lost nothing of value. But if she sticks and insists on working it out, pushing him even when he is exhausted and discouraged as life is often capable of rendering even the hardiest of men, she's a diamond and deserves every bit of investment that such a man can put into her.


About the man in the op, I have two things to say:

1. It does not speak very well of him that five years down the line into his thirties he is still stymied. I understand that life can oppose one so much that they lose the strength to keep fighting and sort of settle down into a lethargy waiting for some kind of handout or pick-me-up. And many times it is totally legitimate. Not everyone is born a self-starter, that is the way God made the world. We are not all the same. But a man who does his best with what he has is not a failure or an unsuccessful man. In this particular case, however, I could feel lethargy through the story, weariness where there should be defiance and self-reinvention. But I can only see through the OP's eyes so I can only limit the accuracy of my judgment to the accuracy of his sentiments.

2. A woman is a terrible asset to a man. In the Bible it is said that one will chase a thousand but two will chase ten thousand. The presence of a woman in a man's life can boost him in the most amazing ways. A man can take a lot of things and endure a lot of things as long as he can count on the woman he has chosen to trust with his life. Frequently, however, when that trust is betrayed, men can be totally wrecked. A man can lose all his strength and zeal to live when a woman loses her faith in him. It takes a man choosing to move on IN SPITE of her to get beyond stuff like that. So I consider that it is very possible that the departure of his lady love dealt a severe blow to his will to fight for his life and dreams.

To that I say that my brother should get a new fixation, something that he can make more important than his very life and fight for it.

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

Nashville:

Simple principle. The more you earn, the more you realise you lack, so you want more.

Nashville:

Dami, great example but I kinda look at it differently. Your dad had an ambition to be Lagos State Governor and he pursued it. That automatically shows alot of potential if you ask me. He might not have realised his personal ambition to be governor and that is quite difficult in Nigeria's political environment, however, even when he was young, your mum must have seen a lot of potential in him. Potential to be successful whether or not he realises his ambition to be governor. So even though your dad never became governor, he is still a very successful man.

Your husband, just like me have no such ambition. I will not contest for elective office in Nigeria. But we have potential to be successful too. But if you say potential is a man who puts family first; what if the man cannot feed that family? Does he still have potential to be successful?

flyca: OP, Personal Experience.

Sometime ago, I started "seeing" one of my sister's old time classmate, an Architect from a Federal University, graduated with a good result and have a Master's degree, and with two year experience too. These were the sketchy details I knew about him before we started dating. So yes!, he has potentials.

Ok. Two months into the r/ship, I noticed this guy was broke, broke with the necessities of basic living. I started becoming worried. I lived in a city two hours from his, but he couldn't afford t-fare (not time) once in a week or two to come and see me. Calls nko?, na me dey call most times. Ok o. I was still on it.

Once, I went to his office see him, by the time I set out by 5pm back to my city, I drank a bottle of coke. Even the taxi fare to the park, he didn't give me. Hmmmmm. No need to say, I was "down". Another day, I went back to his residence to visit him on a Sunday o, I nearly fainted at what I saw. His room in the family house even had a leaky roof

The one that broke the Carmel's back, was the day he asked me to transfer some call credit to his phone. At this time, I had completely lost grip!

So am I a gold-digger? Am I impatient? I'm I unrealistic or simply unreasonable? I leave the answers to you.

As much as having potentials is good, if its not translated into financial ability(lack of better adjectives), there is no need to bring out a lady from her father's house to starve her.

winner01: Every one's got potential, what will you say of a lazy man who got lucky and good things came his way, or a very hard working man who has not made it,,,This is life, face it. The "Nigerian orientation" of young ladies will leave many of them in the hands of people who don't love them and will maltreat them and make them miserable till they grow old....Why do you think the rate of divorce in Nigeria is increasing?...True love is gradually fading in our environment and hence the reason for inappropriate standards set by ladies.. Our parents (those that are successfully in marriage) will be in the best position to really contribute to this matter. As a matter of fact, more than 50 percent of our parents grew into financial stability, and considering the fact that the Nigerian system is more competitive today, a man who struggles with life at the initial stage does not mean he will struggle for life, and that does not mean he should necessarily face rejection when he is ripe for marriage...