beeevan: When a man lacks the necessary steam and drive for success, i will say he has no potential. These group of people usually hold on to bogus dreams that they make little or no effort to achieve.


In a situation that I have the potential and the man in question is not stiff in his ways + the fact that I love him, i doubt if his lack of potential will be a barrier.

beeevan: When a man lacks the necessary steam and drive for success, i will say he has no potential. These group of people usually hold on to bogus dreams that they make little or no effort to achieve.


In a situation that I have the potential and the man in question is not stiff in his ways + the fact that I love him, i doubt if his lack of potential will be a barrier.

WorldwarIII: Andwho is lady with potential?
I hope its not basically beauty.
I hope all these huge demands from a guy to be potential also apply for chicks..
just asking

ihedinobi2: Potential is not the same as guarantee, it's merely resident possibility. And just about every man has it.

However, to the crux of the matter: I believe strongly in finding your feet before looking for love. In fact, I do not believe in looking for love at all. I consider love as something that happens in the course of life. I personally prefer to have an understanding what I want in my woman and just carry on with life until I see it. And when I see it, I go after it like the devil is at my heels, doesn't matter what I'm doing right then.

A man who is steadily building his life will likely meet women he would like to share the work with. My answer to that situation is this: if she stays knowing that this is hard work and she fights on anyway, she's earned every right in the book. If she goes, like the Book says, "if we have suffered with Him we shall also reign with Him", the converse is also true.

The thing that must be dealt with as the problem is not what might or can happen in the future (which is what all the talk of potential tends to be about) but what any given man has planned for himself and what he is doing about it. Some men have a goal that takes a hell of a lot of work to get to while others have one that doesn't take quite so much. Believe me, to become a professional (a doctor, engineer, lawyer etc) is a lot easier than to be, say, an entrepreneur. The former can become the latter and probably a bit more easily than it is for one to head directly into it. But the direct path is by far more tasking, more discouraging and more tortuous. So, if a woman wants to judge "potential", she should be looking at where the man is headed and how much it will cost to get there and decide whether she's up to it.

I have not taken into consideration the vagaries of life. Accidents do happen and the best-laid plans are ripped apart without regard to what career path or vision any given person runs with. These things cannot be helped. But what a man wants to accomplish with his life is wholly under his control. A man's choice of purpose and of means for achieving his purpose is his alone. A woman may rightly judge him by that. A woman may also judge a man by his refusal to be held down by ever-changing circumstances or by his resignation to the forces of life.

Again, I emphasize, a woman is right to judge a man's ability to lead her into the destiny she desires for herself. She can thus judge each suitor and decide the one that best suits her overall vision in life. But if a woman finds a man who has a clear, unconfused and sensible vision that he is pursuing and he is giving everything he's got to it and taking every help within reason that he can get and she is just afraid that it is delaying so much so that she abandons him, then she does not deserve to have any hardworking man commit to life with her at all. And any such man who loses her has lost nothing of value. But if she sticks and insists on working it out, pushing him even when he is exhausted and discouraged as life is often capable of rendering even the hardiest of men, she's a diamond and deserves every bit of investment that such a man can put into her.


About the man in the op, I have two things to say:

1. It does not speak very well of him that five years down the line into his thirties he is still stymied. I understand that life can oppose one so much that they lose the strength to keep fighting and sort of settle down into a lethargy waiting for some kind of handout or pick-me-up. And many times it is totally legitimate. Not everyone is born a self-starter, that is the way God made the world. We are not all the same. But a man who does his best with what he has is not a failure or an unsuccessful man. In this particular case, however, I could feel lethargy through the story, weariness where there should be defiance and self-reinvention. But I can only see through the OP's eyes so I can only limit the accuracy of my judgment to the accuracy of his sentiments.

2. A woman is a terrible asset to a man. In the Bible it is said that one will chase a thousand but two will chase ten thousand. The presence of a woman in a man's life can boost him in the most amazing ways. A man can take a lot of things and endure a lot of things as long as he can count on the woman he has chosen to trust with his life. Frequently, however, when that trust is betrayed, men can be totally wrecked. A man can lose all his strength and zeal to live when a woman loses her faith in him. It takes a man choosing to move on IN SPITE of her to get beyond stuff like that. So I consider that it is very possible that the departure of his lady love dealt a severe blow to his will to fight for his life and dreams.

To that I say that my brother should get a new fixation, something that he can make more important than his very life and fight for it.

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

TV01: ...sup' Nash,

I'm a big believer in men taking responsibility.


How did it get to "introduction" without him being sure she was committed?

Female hypergamy in full view. The old "just go with your heart", even if it means dumping him at the altar. Men should know themselves and who they want to wife. She was never really committed as such, just keeping her options open.

In fact, he was probably down the pecking order and someone higher up started to come through for her - if she didn't actually use him to ginger a/the senior boyfriend along .

The best revenge?. Get successful, get a better woman. He should be less bothered about losing her. If he doesn't step up, his chances of making a great match will increasingly diminish.

Sorry eh! Life is tough. No change, no time. Quit yourself like a man.


TV

bukatyne:

Well Well Maybe Nigerian ladies will stop chasing money or equating potential to money the day Nigerian men have more to offer than money.

If a lady believes all men are cheats, etc. she should by all means look for a rich or potentially rich guy to marry.

Like a friend of mine (a guy) would say, even if a rich husband hates you, he will buy you a car, his name will give you connection to grow your own business, will get people to do stuffs for you etc. not because he loves you but to maintain his status.

It is better to cry in a BMW than to cry in a keke.

If one must eat frog, he must eat the one that has egg

kaboninc:

At the bold part, what kind of person do we look at as a teammate? There are serious issues a guy has to look at finding a partner.

Entchidodo: Birthday wishes from a NL legend and a staunch rival football club fan is a huge thing....I must say thank you and i will never hate Manu again..................for the next 24 hours.

pickabeau1: Nothing wrong in this or that

Ladies should come out and speak plainly rather mouthing gibberish like potential when all they mean is comfort and money

Thats the point

adconline: Potentiality is that dream, vision and idea without action. Actuality is that dream, vision and idea set in motion by your hustle and determination. There is no actuality without potentiality. To put things in context, Nigeria is potentiality without actuality while Malaysia is potentiality on wheels racing towards actuality.
It's not only peculiar to men, a lot of single women out there do not know what to do with their lives if that "husband"doesn't come their way.

taiwoliu: you either grew up living with ur grandparents or u r a granny or close to one yourself... I must say I LOVE your response and doff my hat to ur wisdom nd intelligence. V learnt a lot from ds piece of epistle of yours but it ws really worth d time. I appreciate you. And I thank d OP for d topic, directly tackled one of d questions bothering me. Thumbs up peeps. And to every1 dt as contributed, I v learnt as well.

cococandy:
If it is plainly about the money for every woman,why do some run away when they discover that the man is into shady deals?

scobaba: A whole lot of guys have lost their relationships cos the chicks don't see the potentials.

It takes the grace of God to keep a long relationship these days when one is not making progress financially.

But there are still ladies who would stay and encourage the guy who is making effort to step up even when the 'step up' doesn't look certain.

My case is always my example.

Had a six years relationship that suffered financial set back for the first 4yrs. Lost my first job in the bank, got another 6months later but still Could not find my feet. Being the first of 5kids and bread winner to about 12younger ones,(including 7 orphaned cousins), with 6 in the university, my 250k 'cool salary' was not cool enough...i was always broke before 20th of the next month.

It got me thinking if my girl would stay.

All that while I was gathering professional qualifications and a masters degree, hoping for something better.

Finally light came...got into oil/gas last year, the white interviewer said he never saw another banker with so much extra qualifications...'where u get the time', he said in pidgin.
So that was how It went and everything changed. we got married 8months after that.

Today when we talk about those times, she will tell me she stayed because she knew deep down dat the extra steps I was taking in my life would pay some day, but that she always prayed the someday comes quickly cos ladies and age are not friends.

ihedinobi2:
If you both want the same thing out of life, that is, you're fighting for similar goals, you can team up. It's always tough to find underdeveloped economies and make them self-sufficient/net-producing with someone who wants only to be able to hang out on Friday nights at the coolest spots, for instance. They are not likely to understand what you say when you get home or why you think y'all should move house and go live somewhere else for a few months or years or why you just lack appetite and have to stay holed up in your den studying news reports and stuff for a whole night.

For Christians, the Bible says that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement or they are synchronized.

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

cococandy: well maybe because the Op specifically asked about guys with potential that is why we are centering the topic on guys. It could lead some to believe that potential isn't a quality women should possess too.
Far from it. Infact it becomes more and increasingly important especially in our 21st century.

I like to use pretty close to home examples to illustrate my points.
If I were a man and I know two ladies who think they have potential,[b]one would rather carry brazilian hair of 100k while staying home waiting for LNG to call her for interview and hand her a job.

the other one while waiting for her 'good job' doesn't mind investing her 100k in female underwear and make-up,doesn't mind carrying her market around to areas where she gets buyers like female hostels etc etc.

I'm sure anyone with a sound mind knows who I'll root for.

Someone asked why is potential leaning towards finance?
Well it's pretty obvious. It's a monetized world. One's ability to earn a living is a direct reflection of their survival skills. Everyone wants a survivor.

[/b]

kaboninc:

They do not run away because they 'recently' discovered that he's shaddy, but because they do not want to be implicated.

Yea that's another perspective.

Still some people are upright and will rather deal with clean money than blood money even if there's no chance of getting caught.


Everyone (especially a woman) and a man desires comfort and money; its one very important factor (if not the most) she desires when choosing for a partner. I do not have a problem with that though

.I've no problem with that either.lives and choices differ.

I just wanted to make it clear that it's not every man with money that can be seen as one with potential. That's based on the OP's question of course.

ihedinobi2:
Er, I didn't think we were fighting just now. I just thought your questions were a good opportunity to study some nagging assumptions and suppositions about the whole matter. Anyway, thanks for your time as well.

For the record though, offering advice and guidance and opinion are not even remotely the same as putting your faith in a man, that is, in one way of speaking, bending your back to the job at hand. Any spectator can offer good advice. But only your teammate really supports you. Your fans may share some of the embarrassment, some of the glory and whatnot, but your teammates are the ones who did it all with you, who kept you fighting when you grew so weary and hopeless that you would have just laid down your sword and had it over with. They're the ones that really count. Because advice and applause go only so far.

And you do have a strong point about the establishment of a track record. History does a lot of good things for people who are dealing with life. But, as with everything else, history also does hold people down. People have failed to recover from their falls because the shock of change was too great. There are also cases where the environment changed so much that starting over requires throwing history away and looking at everything with fresh eyes - which is pretty much what the starter is also doing. All in all, ready-made is a risk like under-construction and sometimes either is a worse risk. It all depends on you and the particular person that you are dealing with.


Anyway, thanks for discussing. Have a very good day.

GENERAL KNOWLEGDE

Onegai:
It really boils down to a woman knowing she can depend on the man to provide most of the time, not about the money. I've seen friends and classmates and co-workers whose parents, especially their fathers did nothing for them, they had to pay their way through school, some even had to buy the clothes their fathers wore for their weddings. It's tough to tell a woman whose dad decided he wouldn't pay even his half of her 2nd semester schoolfees until her mum (a govt teacher who they had seized her salary) brought out her share, her father allowed her to miss a semester, and was such a terrible selfish man.Of course her mum chased away any man she felt didn't have potential.

kaboninc:

I strongly disagree.

Potentiaity is not the dream nor vision but an innate gift. You use your potentials to make your dreams and visions a reality. Please lets understand the meaning of these terms.

Nigeria is a country with great potentials (gifts - enormous human capital resources) problem is the zeal, drive, passion and determination.

ihedinobi2: Potential is not the same as guarantee, it's merely resident possibility. And just about every man has it. . . .

ihedinobi2:
That your expectations were disappointed does not make you a gold-digger or anything like that. The question is what he was doing about his situation and/or what he was willing to do about his situation. Men have risen out of worse circumstances to write a totally opposite story. So it's a question of whether he was a worthwhile investment for you to make or not. If he was heading somewhere and was only coming along slowly and you couldn't wait then that's your choice. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you not the type of person a man should trust when the storms blow.

cococandy: Wrong.
Comfort and money isn't the word. If it is,
Meaning a crook with stolen money is a fair match?
Or a thief and swindler(AKa yahoo boy) can be regarded as a guy with potential?

Oh please.

Note that I haven't said some ladies won't marry such men. Some sure will.

But when talk like that,you're saying as long as it is money,the quality of the person is irrelevant.
If it is plainly about the money for every woman,why do some run away when they discover that the man is into shady deals?

It's not so much about the money as it is about the qualities which makes him a go-getter in the first place. That's like 50percent of the attraction. Even before you begin to touch the physical cash,the fact that he's man enough to succeed in the face of set backs and barriers is a turn on.

pickabeau1: Nothing wrong in this or that

Ladies should come out and speak plainly rather mouthing gibberish like potential when all they mean is comfort and money

Thats the point