rebella:
With your example, yes, you have potentials, because you are willing to work extra hard for success. By basic needs, are you including savings for a rainy day? You may not be a millionaire, but you are willing to work extra hard for success that is what potential is about

Basic needs would definitely mean saving little for eventualities and emergencies.

So would you marry a man like that? Would you stay with him even when you know success is a 50/50 thing and he basically just has that potential, drive, ambition and nothing more? Would you be willing to stay in a one bedroom apartment for years hoping the potential comes to life?

pickabeau1:

Exactly.. thats the game.. dont hate the player...I dont
Money for women... Beauty for men

Chikena!!

And in a reductionist sense, that was always pretty much the deal. Provision by men & Fertility (usually represented by beauty & youth) by women.

And as I've always said, let everyone dictate their own preferences - and be willing to live by them. What I don't agree with is duplicity and treacherously dealing woth other people.

If they don't have what you want, don't go there, free them. Don't introduce, engage or marry with every intention of bailing as soon as something "better" comes along under the "going with my heart" rubric. Hence the "Serial Wife" thread posted by Aisha2 recently.

Likewise, men don't marry them with the intention of splitting them for 2 twenties when they hit 40 - after 5 kids and 50 kg weight gain .

So although we have the basics of Provision & Fertility, we need a higher sensibility about marriage for the greater long-term good of society. Undertaking marriage with an individual and selfish mindset of what's personally best for me right now will not make for strong families and flourishing societies.


For men, I've repeatedly stated what I think is the best generic pattern for marriage. Not being prescriptive, simply make it bespoke too fit or apply your own template.


TV


^{disclaimer: I was not at all interested in what my wife earned when I met her. I noted her impecabble make-up and hair, watched her stride about in impossibly high chunky heels and a tight-fitting mermaid dress. Snap her fingers and run things - all the while nodding my head. Then she knelt down to pick something up, my jaw hit the ground and I said "da.y.um, I do believe I've met my bride". Potential ke? Everything had potented already !}

And I'll also give you example of millionaire dude that I dated and didn't marry because his money wasn't a result of potential.
Plus other faults.
Even though he wanted marriage.

So don't speak for everyone.

Besides no one says there aren't materialistic women out there. I didn't say that.

pickabeau1: I tire ooo

No mind cococandy

she does not want to agree as it makes chics out to be materialistic somewhat..

But thats the fact... a smart guy knows d score... get the dough and the chics roll in

They will come here and give us some spiel about some dude they loved and he had no money etc blah blah blah

The key question is DID U MARRY HIM

njokusboy:

Now you finally admit the obvious... why u come dey argue since

Women=money
Men= fine face, nice azzzz

I was not arguing, only pointing the obvious to pickabeau and other hypergamy chanters.

Heck, most people choose their friends based on what they can gain from them ; parents only identify with richer kids

Like my dad would say 'be friends from students who are more intelligent than you are' who will befriend the dullards?

It is human nature.

pickabeau1:

Then we (the sexes) get each other ... no wahala



Using O&G was an example
Poor people get married..yes But the wives complain, some even leave the marriage at the end.. with kids!

lets be real

Do the wives leave solely because of the money or because in addition to lack of quality, the men lack quantity (money) as well?

Don't children of poor parents complain? My problem is that you are making it a woman thing.

Every friends complain when they have been floating a non-potential friend for a long while

P.S.:Some women are not materialistic

Keep laughing sha.


What I gave you was an example biko.
There are a million and one things anyone can do.

Besides Op asked what is potential.
That's what we are on about.
If he asked do women marry for money? Then this would follow because I know a good percentage would marry for money.

You're the one going on about something else.I didn't read anyone here saying women don't sometime marry for money.

But Even them broke dudes still marry.
And your 70 year old example has poor and broke examples too. As long as they practise polygamy in their area.

Is potential money? Nope
Can potential bring money? Yes.
Does it mean every man with money has potential? No. Some are just lucky.
Meaning that a woman can still marry a man who isn't rich but has shown that he's not going to be spoon-feed-me kind of man.

If it was all about money,I'd have married the first miilionaire I met.
Park for one corner abeg.

pickabeau1: You make me laugh

So is it everyone destined to sell akara with 200k

Do you know the percentage of businesses which fail within the first year.. am not sure u do

You lot come here, saying the same spiel..

I hope you have seen the young wives of the 70 year old king.. the guy really has potential

Women are hypergamous.. accept it and move on...

if i ask most of the married women here, they married people in telecooms, oil n gas..yet u say potential

Potential indeed...

I like posters like ThoniasLIM who r real.. you are trying to whitewash and bamboozle.. say it as it is

Where is DailyNews for some epistles..


www.nairaland.com/attachments/1673341_10678849_574127662693226_1774560929959361581_n_jpegbf66557ef47abae1f8c122cf1f0033bb

I guess that simplifies it....

I agree with the dicta: Dictate your preference and live by it

TV01:

And in a reductionist sense, that was always pretty much the deal. Provision by men & Fertility (usually represented by beauty & youth) by women.

And as I've always said, let everyone dictate their own preferences - and be willing to live by them. What I don't agree with is duplicity and treacherously dealing woth other people.

If they don't have what you want, don't go there, free them. Don't introduce, engage or marry with every intention of bailing as soon as something "better" comes along under the "going with my heart" rubric. Hence the "Serial Wife" thread posted by Aisha2 recently.

Likewise, men don't marry them with the intention of splitting them for 2 twenties when they hit 40 - after 5 kids and 50 kg weight gain .

So although we have the basics of Provision & Fertility, we need a higher sensibility about marriage for the greater long-term good of society. Undertaking marriage with an individual and selfish mindset of what's personally best for me right now will not make for strong families and flourishing societies.


For men, I've repeatedly stated what I think is the best generic pattern for marriage. Not being prescriptive, simply make it bespoke too fit or apply your own template.


TV


^{disclaimer: I was not at all interested in what my wife earned when I met her. I noted her impecabble make-up and hair, watched her stride about in impossibly high chunky heels and a tight-fitting mermaid dress. Snap her fingers and run things - all the while nodding my head. Then she knelt down to pick something up, my jaw hit the ground and I said "da.y.um, I do believe I've met my bride". Potential ke? Everything had potented already !}

the bolded in your post kills it

You sef park well

cococandy: Keep laughing sha.


What I gave you was an example biko.
There are a million and one things anyone can do.

Besides Op asked what is potential.
That's what we are on about.
If he asked do women marry for money? Then this would follow because I know a good percentage would marry for money.

You're the one going on about something else.I didn't read anyone here saying women don't sometime marry for money.

But Even them broke dudes still marry.
And your 70 year old example has poor and broke examples too. As long as they practise polygamy in their area.

Is potential money? Nope
Can potential bring money? Yes.
Does it mean every man with money has potential? No. Some are just lucky.
Meaning that a woman can still marry a man who isn't rich but has shown that he's not going to be spoon-feed-me kind of man.

If it was all about money,I'd have married the first miilionaire I met.
Park for one corner abeg.

pickabeau1: the bolded in your post kills it

You sef park well

bwahhahahahahhahhaha
she said a good percentage, wanted to correct her and say "a very good percentage' ....... but i changed my mind

adconline:
I disagree, innate gift is your talent. Micheal Jordan, 6.6ft, is a talented athlete while Nate Robinson, 5.9ft, 3x NBA Slam Dunk Champion, elevated his potentials to actuality through hardwork.

I had to copy this definition from Google to buttress my point

Potential: latent qualities or abilities (sic: skill) that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness.

You can confirm if you so wish.

Micheal Jordan has a physical attribute (height) but used it to his advantage. Potential here is the ability to 'lift' while tirelessly working on how to perfect it. The result paid off. Same applies to all other athletes you mentioned. There are some guys who are taller than Micheal Jordan but do they play basketball?

njokusboy:

bwahhahahahahhahhaha
she said a good percentage, wanted to correct her and say "a very good percentage' ....... but i changed my mind

lol

njokusboy:



bwahhahahahahhahhaha
she said a good percentage, wanted to correct her and say "a very good percentage' ....... but i changed my mind

Stop making it a woman's thing

A man makes a choice .... he is smart, he get eyes etc.

A woman makes a choice .... she is a 'golddigger', hypergamic etc.

Abeg leave everyone with their choice of a spouse.

God has given everyone the freedom to make a choice; package yourself to attract the type of people? spouse you want around you

But seriously who was arguing that with you before?

Everyone knows some women marry for money. While others are wise enough to look beyond money and look at what matters.

The OP only asked how one can differentiate between a guy who has real potential and one who's just a lazy dreamer.
And folks were giving their candid opinions.

You have a way of striking up debate even where not necessary.

pickabeau1: the bolded in your post kills it

You sef park well

Pickabeau cococandy

damiso: But Nashville Again I feel drive/potential is relative. As always I will use the two closest men in my life which are my husband and my dad.My Dad even though I love him to bits had very lofty ideas and his greatest ambition which he sadly never accomplished till his death was to become the Governor of Lagos State . Unfortunately Nigeria was and is still not ready for his brand of politics.i don't want to go into much details but that drive sometimes was an issue in my parents marriage.My mum said rhe day after their wedding she did not see him for 1 week as he was contesting for the then Lahos State House of Assembly.Lateef Jakande was his political mentor and my Dad sacrificed alot just to realise this ambition even quality family time.Am sure my mum maybe saw a potential Governor of Lagos State that sadly never materialised and sometimes even put the family finances into trouble. So it was not for want of drive or ambition or even effort it just never materialised.

My husband cannot be more different and some days I ask myself if i subconsciously intentiionslly went the opposite direction.My husband has none of that ambition that my Dad had to be in the corridors of power etc I never saw a potential governor or billionaire or millionaire sef (ok milliinaire in pounds ) but I saw a man who would do (and still does) everything to make sure his family is comfortable.Now even that comfortability might be relative cos to another person 4 holidays a year is the start of being comfortable.

To me therefore potential is a man who puts his family first and sadly that might not necessarily translate to a millionaire.To others potential is much better as a future governor.

I agree however that a man has to do what he has to do even with meagre resources.But this your family friend sef is not just sitting at home is he?

Dami, great example but I kinda look at it differently. Your dad had an ambition to be Lagos State Governor and he pursued it. That automatically shows alot of potential if you ask me. He might not have realised his personal ambition to be governor and that is quite difficult in Nigeria's political environment, however, even when he was young, your mum must have seen a lot of potential in him. Potential to be successful whether or not he realises his ambition to be governor. So even though your dad never became governor, he is still a very successful man.

Your husband, just like me have no such ambition. I will not contest for elective office in Nigeria. But we have potential to be successful too. But if you say potential is a man who puts family first; what if the man cannot feed that family? Does he still have potential to be successful?

jaybee3: Pickabeau cococandy

rebella: Potential is all about ambition and drive for success. It is also about taking actions on those plans.
Nashville, I don't blame that woman at all. I witnessed a breakup between my cuz and her bf a few days ago and it was because of this same reason.
My cuz earns 5 times what her ex earns,what ticked her off was when he asked her over the phone what she was doing and she mentioned applying for a job. Oga was shocked that a chic with such a good pay would still be looking for a way to increase her earnings. She went on to ask him if he wasn't looking for a job, Bros goes on to say, not really that its only when she send him job links.
This same man wanted to join my cuz and a couple of our friends on a weekend getaway that will cost him 2 months salary. Smh

Her ex is an example of a man without potential, he'll practically wait for the opportunity to fall into his lap instead of going after the opportunity.

Rebella, I agree with you. If a man has to wait for his girlfriend to send him job links before he can apply for a job then something is wrong somewhere. He may have potential but he is a bit slow. He may be intelligent, but he is not driven. Your cousin should break up with him, because when they get married, she will be the one pushing him to build a house, buy a car, get a better job, ask for a pay raise, even negotiate items in the market sef.

Was it under debate before?

njokusboy:



bwahhahahahahhahhaha
she said a good percentage, wanted to correct her and say "a very good percentage' ....... but i changed my mind

boohoo....

you are the one debating potential is not money

As i said i have no problem with the players..its a game

most of you women love the dough then u mask it with words like intelligence, handsome, charisma etc bla bla bla

i know d game and i keep it real

cococandy: But seriously who was arguing that with you before?

Everyone knows some women marry for money. While others are wise enough to look beyond money and look at what matters.

The OP only asked how one can differentiate between a guy who has real potential and one who's just a lazy dreamer.
And folks were giving their candid opinions.

You have a way of striking up debate even where not necessary.

Nash,,, must everybody be driven

Im sure you are aware of the personality and temperaments

What is the whole purpose of compatibility and matching

All males are not extroverts or bullish does not mean they will not be successful

The president of a nation (we all know who)is an introverted character yet he rose to rule his state and now nation

For those in the know, Hillary pushed Bill's career....

Nashville:

Rebella, I agree with you. If a man has to wait for his girlfriend to send him job links before he can apply for a job then something is wrong somewhere. He may have potential but he is a bit slow. He may be intelligent, but he is not driven. Your cousin should break up with him, because when they get married, she will be the one pushing him to build a house, buy a car, get a better job, ask for a pay raise, even negotiate items in the market sef.

pickabeau1: boohoo....

you are the one debating potential is not money

As i said i have no problem with the players..its a game

most of you women love the dough then u mask it with words like intelligence, handsome, charisma etc bla bla bla

i know d game and i keep it real

Yes potential is not money.
A rich yahoo boy or a bank robber doesn't feature in my book of potentials.

Saying that doesn't mean I don't recognize that many a woman won't mind putting up with such men even if he's the worst kind of person just for the money.
As for keeping it real,I did say

cococandy: Not everyone is even interested in potential.
In fact many are not. They want the already made stuff.
All this talk about potential is because OP asked.
Some people can't even what recognize potential is even if stares them in the face.

So what are you on about?

pickabeau1: Nash,,, must everybody be driven

Im sure you are aware of the personality and temperaments

What is the whole purpose of compatibility and matching

All males are not extroverts or bullish does not mean they will not be successful

The president of a nation (we all know who)is an introverted character yet he rose to rule his state and now nation

For those in the know, Hillary pushed Bill's career....

Bros, we are talking about waiting for your girlfriend to send you links before you can apply for a job. Seriously, that guy is slow. It's not about being an introvert or extrovert. That is just being slow. Some introverts are some of the most driven and motivated people around; its just that they may not be the most outgoing - that is completely different.

Please, Hilary DID NOT push Bill's career. They met at Yale Law School. Do you know what it is to get to Yale Law? And secondly, Bill was extremely driven, motivated, wise and street smart. Hilary tagged on to Bill because she saw where he was headed and she knew this was the right guy to be with at all cost. She DID NOT push his career. This was a man that became President at age 46. The youngest since JFK. Abeg talk another one.

And yes, Jonathan is driven and motivated. If you are not, you wouldn't even be in Nigerian politics at all; where you have to do all sorts before you can get an appointment. He is certainly slow but he is motivated.

Yes they met at yale law

He needed her connections to make it

if he did not.. he will be a normal guy down the street with a legal practice

Nashville:

Bros, we are talking about waiting for your girlfriend to send you links before you can apply for a job. Seriously, that guy is slow. It's not about being an introvert or extrovert. That is just being slow. Some introverts are some of the most driven and motivated people around; its just that they may not be the most outgoing - that is completely different.

Please, Hilary DID NOT push Bill's career. They met at Yale Law School. Do you know what it is to get to Yale Law? And secondly, Bill was extremely driven, motivated, wise and street smart. Hilary tagged on to Bill because she saw where he was headed and she knew this was the right guy to be with at all cost. She DID NOT push his career. This was a man that became President at age 46. The youngest since JFK. Abeg talk another one.

And yes, Jonathan is driven and motivated. If you are not, you wouldn't even be in Nigerian politics at all; where you have to do all sorts before you can get an appointment. He is certainly slow but he is motivated.

Nashville:

Rebella, I agree with you. If a man has to wait for his girlfriend to send him job links before he can apply for a job then something is wrong somewhere. He may have potential but he is a bit slow. He may be intelligent, but he is not driven. Your cousin should break up with him, because when they get married, she will be the one pushing him to build a house, buy a car, get a better job, ask for a pay raise, even negotiate items in the market sef

.

You are encouraging 'gold digging' and hypergamy?

Don't let some people see abi read you o!

The issue with the guy is not even the lack of drive sef. If they got married and the cousin broke forth due to her own drive, the hubby might resent her and try to cage her or even tell her to stop work/business

Ambitionless/driveless men destroying dreams since 1800

pickabeau1: Yes they met at yale law

He needed her connections to make it

if he did not.. he will be a normal guy down the street with a legal practice

No sir, he wouldn't. If she wasn't there, he would have used someone else. That was a man going somewhere right from the start and he was always going to get there, either one way or another. He had become Governor of Arkansas at age 32 and was Attorney General at 30. And you say that is a man who would have been a regular guy down the street if not for his wife.

Bros, I think its the other way round. Hilary Clinton has a chance of becoming first female president cos she married Bill. She knew all along that this was the guy to be with - even when he didnt want her.

Abeg make we no derail the thread.

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

Your post has the potential to guide a man with potentials towards activation

pickabeau1: Yes they met at yale law

He needed her connections to make it

if he did not.. he will be a normal guy down the street with a legal practice

Ever heard opporrunities work for those who are prepared abi luck favours the prepared.

He must have started preparing himself towards his future and Hilary's connection just clicked to make oit easier.

P.S.: Did Bill practice hypergamy?

What a woman!

ok
me i believe in natures being complimentary

You call him slow; someone else calls him methodical
He may be content with his job or he loves the job or the colleagues

Refer to Maslow's hierarchy where people are satisfied with esteem and self awareness rather than basic needs of food and security

Nashville:

No sir, he wouldn't. If she wasn't there, he would have used someone else. That was a man going somewhere right from the start and he was always going to get there, either one way or another. He had become Governor of Arkansas at age 32 and was Attorney General at 30. And you say that is a man who would have been a regular guy down the street if not for his wife.

Bros, I think its the other way round. Hilary Clinton has a chance of becoming first female president cos she married Bill. She knew all along that this was the guy to be with - even when he didnt want her.

Abeg make we no derail the thread.

thorpido: A guy with potential is a guy who has earned a certificate or a skill and has started putting it to work.

However,potential is not really what ladies want but 'kinetic'.
They want you to have 'that' job and be earning from it or that skill and the returns are coming in.

9ce one

A guy with potential is that guy you've been trying to love since you don't really love him; but because of his drive, you're thinking of giving him a 'try'.

A guy with potential is that guy you really do not love but each time you consider your age, the thoughts of giving him a chance keep running in your heart.

A guy with potential is that guy single ladies in their early twenties call "broke." But those in late twenties/thirties refer to him as "God-fearing"

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

Intelligent post from a lovely lady **thumbs up**

Funny thread, see them ladies be chanting and explaining 'potential' when we all know the truth.

Make I siddon dey look first