rebella: Potential is all about ambition and drive for success. It is also about taking actions on those plans.
Nashville, I don't blame that woman at all. I witnessed a breakup between my cuz and her bf a few days ago and it was because of this same reason.
My cuz earns 5 times what her ex earns,what ticked her off was when he asked her over the phone what she was doing and she mentioned applying for a job. Oga was shocked that a chic with such a good pay would still be looking for a way to increase her earnings. She went on to ask him if he wasn't looking for a job, Bros goes on to say, not really that its only when she send him job links.

Another wrong definition of what POTENTIAL is. It's not about the money or how much your job pays.

I would gladly stay in a job that i am happy with than go for one with higher pay. It's about contentment. Higher salaries does not equate more happiness. There's a point where elasticity sets in and any extra penny you get won't add a pint of happiness to you.

I tire ooo

No mind cococandy

she does not want to agree as it makes chics out to be materialistic somewhat..

But thats the fact... a smart guy knows d score... get the dough and the chics roll in

They will come here and give us some spiel about some dude they loved and he had no money etc blah blah blah

The key question is DID U MARRY HIM

njokusboy:

Simple, dis potential talk is real bull crap... women want a man with money, potential means jack to them... If you no get money, u no get potential.... girls marry men with money not Potential...
Abi dem dey write potential for forehead?

onegig: Another wrong definition of what POTENTIAL is. It's not about the money or how much your job pays.

I would gladly stay in a job that i am happy with than go for one with higher pay. It's about contentment. Higher salaries does not equate more happiness. There's a point where elasticity sets in and any extra penny you get won't add a pint of happiness to you.

You are the one not getting what potential is to a woman

POTENTIAL = MONEY

AcTUALISATION = More MoNEY

I was without potential for a good 5 years after graduation and met my wife in my 2 years after graduation. she stuck with me through thick and thin.. she was not from a wealthy home and after 3 years of dating, we got married with only N300k in my account and N15k for Registry wedding and hustling (unemployed basically) after 3 years struggling to pay rent, she got pregnant and delivered a boy, 3 years later. I got a good job that pays my rent 4 times over in a month. I am now a fulfilled potential after like 15 years .. my wife must have seen some potential and decided to stick with it.

Why should he ask you for credits? Well, if you were going to be his partner in winning at the game of life, was it totally out of place that he should pass the ball to you sometimes?



I don't usually comment on topics but your comments got me hooked. L like your line of reasoning
STLARRY

pickabeau1: I tire ooo

No mind cococandy

she does not want to agree as it makes chics out to be materialistic somewhat..

But thats the fact... a smart guy knows d score... get the dough and the chics roll in

They will come here and give us some spiel about some dude they loved and he had no money etc blah blah blah

The key question is DID U MARRY HIM

Lolzzz, I been no want comment before sef but the thing funny me...

Most babe's I know, they just graduated, served and got married.... Naso one bomboy wey get fine car snap dem up marry dem, even though they had done nothing for themselves..
What of that their boyfriend wey sabi book for class, ask them why they didn't wait for him, abi him no get potential
It's even worse among my igbo girls, Young fresh pretty girls, as soon as they graduate, they marry a gallant igbo niccur with a nice car and a big shop in Ariaria markets who may or MAY NOT have a university degree...
Those that speak in pounds and Dollars, dem no get time for English...
Potential ko, solar ni

Feels so good to see kindred here.
Viva la manosphere.

Learnt a lot on this thread!

ihedinobi2: Potential is not the same as guarantee, it's merely resident possibility. And just about every man has it.

However, to the crux of the matter: I believe strongly in finding your feet before looking for love. In fact, I do not believe in looking for love at all. I consider love as something that happens in the course of life. I personally prefer to have an understanding what I want in my woman and just carry on with life until I see it. And when I see it, I go after it like the devil is at my heels, doesn't matter what I'm doing right then.

A man who is steadily building his life will likely meet women he would like to share the work with. My answer to that situation is this: if she stays knowing that this is hard work and she fights on anyway, she's earned every right in the book. If she goes, like the Book says, "if we have suffered with Him we shall also reign with Him", the converse is also true.

The thing that must be dealt with as the problem is not what might or can happen in the future (which is what all the talk of potential tends to be about) but what any given man has planned for himself and what he is doing about it. Some men have a goal that takes a hell of a lot of work to get to while others have one that doesn't take quite so much. Believe me, to become a professional (a doctor, engineer, lawyer etc) is a lot easier than to be, say, an entrepreneur. The former can become the latter and probably a bit more easily than it is for one to head directly into it. But the direct path is by far more tasking, more discouraging and more tortuous. So, if a woman wants to judge "potential", she should be looking at where the man is headed and how much it will cost to get there and decide whether she's up to it.

I have not taken into consideration the vagaries of life. Accidents do happen and the best-laid plans are ripped apart without regard to what career path or vision any given person runs with. These things cannot be helped. But what a man wants to accomplish with his life is wholly under his control. A man's choice of purpose and of means for achieving his purpose is his alone. A woman may rightly judge him by that. A woman may also judge a man by his refusal to be held down by ever-changing circumstances or by his resignation to the forces of life.

Again, I emphasize, a woman is right to judge a man's ability to lead her into the destiny she desires for herself. She can thus judge each suitor and decide the one that best suits her overall vision in life. But if a woman finds a man who has a clear, unconfused and sensible vision that he is pursuing and he is giving everything he's got to it and taking every help within reason that he can get and she is just afraid that it is delaying so much so that she abandons him, then she does not deserve to have any hardworking man commit to life with her at all. And any such man who loses her has lost nothing of value. But if she sticks and insists on working it out, pushing him even when he is exhausted and discouraged as life is often capable of rendering even the hardiest of men, she's a diamond and deserves every bit of investment that such a man can put into her.


About the man in the op, I have two things to say:

1. It does not speak very well of him that five years down the line into his thirties he is still stymied. I understand that life can oppose one so much that they lose the strength to keep fighting and sort of settle down into a lethargy waiting for some kind of handout or pick-me-up. And many times it is totally legitimate. Not everyone is born a self-starter, that is the way God made the world. We are not all the same. But a man who does his best with what he has is not a failure or an unsuccessful man. In this particular case, however, I could feel lethargy through the story, weariness where there should be defiance and self-reinvention. But I can only see through the OP's eyes so I can only limit the accuracy of my judgment to the accuracy of his sentiments.

2. A woman is a terrible asset to a man. In the Bible it is said that one will chase a thousand but two will chase ten thousand. The presence of a woman in a man's life can boost him in the most amazing ways. A man can take a lot of things and endure a lot of things as long as he can count on the woman he has chosen to trust with his life. Frequently, however, when that trust is betrayed, men can be totally wrecked. A man can lose all his strength and zeal to live when a woman loses her faith in him. It takes a man choosing to move on IN SPITE of her to get beyond stuff like that. So I consider that it is very possible that the departure of his lady love dealt a severe blow to his will to fight for his life and dreams.

To that I say that my brother should get a new fixation, something that he can make more important than his very life and fight for it.

You have a good head sitting on your shoulders. I like apt and concise sense of judgement when I see one. Cheers man

Opetech: Learnt a lot on this thread!

So have I, even though I am married. But it's good to know what Nigerian ladies understand by potential, so that the guys can reflect.

Some posters brought up the interesting issue of women also having "potential" and not depending on the guy's "potential", but is that really valid? If the man is the head of the family, does that mean he should show more drive?

Chaircover gave a basic example. If my family friend suddenly got a job in shell does that now suddenly mean he has potential? Afterall, he can now pay his bills.

Cococandy, I love your contributions and honesty. A man should find something to do at all times even if he is going to start small. He should not just sit at home and hope.

TV01, bro, you described exactly how I felt when I first of all heard the story. Calling off the relationship after introduction was suspect and the babe moved on very quickly.

But I guess we are all learning.

LOL..


I have no problem with that

Guys in school who beefed the aristos who carried the chicks knew that they had to step up their game to get the chics

we know the game..its a MONEY GAME

I wonder why the ladies are calling it a POTENTIAL GAME

Meanwhile these same cats will argue that its the mans duty to provide

If we are equal..why do u need a man to be anything

njokusboy:

Lolzzz, I been no want comment before sef but the thing funny me...

Most babe's I know, they just graduated, served and got married.... Naso one bomboy wey get fine car snap dem up marry dem, even though they had done nothing for themselves..
What of that their boyfriend wey sabi book for class, ask them why they didn't wait for him, abi him no get potential
It's even worse among my igbo girls, Young fresh pretty girls, as soon as they graduate, they marry a gallant igbo niccur with a nice car and a big shop in Ariaria markets who may or MAY NOT have a university degree...
Those that speak in pounds and Dollars, dem no get time for English...
Potential ko, solar ni

pickabeau1: The key question is DID U MARRY HIM

Hell-to-da-no!!!!


TV

^{**but I did introduction as a form of hedging **}

A guy with potential is someone who will make a good partner in future.

onegig: Another wrong definition of what POTENTIAL is. It's not about the money or how much your job pays.

I would gladly stay in a job that i am happy with than go for one with higher pay. It's about contentment. Higher salaries does not equate more happiness. There's a point where elasticity sets in and any extra penny you get won't add a pint of happiness to you.

I am sure before you reach that level of contentment you will be able to give your family the best in life, you'll be able to comfortably pay your bills right.
When I talk about potential or see potential in a man, drive and ambition is what I as a female am talking about. The man may not be the next adenuga or dangote, but he strives for success.
I do however get your point about contentment, but in the story above, Bros. Is not swimming in cash and with all the responsibilities he has he cannot even feed and take care of himself comfortably. When you cannot take care of your basic needs, how will you be content.

pickabeau1:

You are the one not getting what potential is to a woman

POTENTIAL = MONEY

AcTUALISATION = More MoNEY

oh ok. Thanks for setting me aright. I was wondering why i kept seeing money, money, money and more money everywhere on this thread from MOST ladies.

Having money is good but I can now see why the society is the way it is. When everything tends towards money, no one wants to sacrifice.

But wait don't we have people who's dream and ambition is to touch and help as many people as possible or a scientist who's interested in inventing a cure for a deadly disease or a teacher who's interested in raising the leaders of tomorrow? Do we say these people don't have potentials just because their life goals doesn't involve raking in the big bucks even when what they make in that cause can actually take care of the basic needs of a family?
Now i see things more clearly. Apparently learning new things everyday.

But Nashville Again I feel drive/potential is relative. As always I will use the two closest men in my life which are my husband and my dad.My Dad even though I love him to bits had very lofty ideas and his greatest ambition which he sadly never accomplished till his death was to become the Governor of Lagos State . Unfortunately Nigeria was and is still not ready for his brand of politics.i don't want to go into much details but that drive sometimes was an issue in my parents marriage.My mum said rhe day after their wedding she did not see him for 1 week as he was contesting for the then Lahos State House of Assembly.Lateef Jakande was his political mentor and my Dad sacrificed alot just to realise this ambition even quality family time.Am sure my mum maybe saw a potential Governor of Lagos State that sadly never materialised and sometimes even put the family finances into trouble. So it was not for want of drive or ambition or even effort it just never materialised.

My husband cannot be more different and some days I ask myself if i subconsciously intentiionslly went the opposite direction.My husband has none of that ambition that my Dad had to be in the corridors of power etc I never saw a potential governor or billionaire or millionaire sef (ok milliinaire in pounds ) but I saw a man who would do (and still does) everything to make sure his family is comfortable.Now even that comfortability might be relative cos to another person 4 holidays a year is the start of being comfortable.

To me therefore potential is a man who puts his family first and sadly that might not necessarily translate to a millionaire.To others potential is much better as a future governor.

I agree however that a man has to do what he has to do even with meagre resources.But this your family friend sef is not just sitting at home is he?

rebella:
I am sure before you reach that level of contentment you will be able to give your family the best in life, you'll be able to comfortably pay your bills right.
When I talk about potential or see potential in a man, drive and ambition is what I as a female am talking about. The man may not be the next adenuga or dangote, but he strives for success.
I do however get your point about contentment, but in the story above, Bros. Is not swimming in cash and with all the responsibilities he has he cannot even feed and take care of himself comfortably. When you cannot take care of your basic needs, how will you be content.

Let me now put this to you. Lets say I am aspiring to be a world renowed archeologist. Although the pay is not big but would take care of most basic needs of my family. I have the drive to seek and travel thousands of kilometers to research ancient sites and monuments which is the path to achieving my goals.


Personally, would you say i have potentials given that i am willing to work extra hard for success. Remember, success does not equate to money.

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pickabeau1: You make me laugh

So is it everyone destined to sell akara with 200k

Do you know the percentage of businesses which fail within the first year.. am not sure u do

You lot come here, saying the same spiel..

I hope you have seen the young wives of the 70 year old king.. the guy really has potential

Women are hypergamous.. accept it and move on...

if i ask most of the married women here, they married people in telecooms, oil n gas..yet u say potential

Potential indeed...

I like posters like ThoniasLIM who r real.. you are trying to whitewash and bamboozle.. say it as it is

Where is DailyNews for some epistles..


www.nairaland.com/attachments/1673341_10678849_574127662693226_1774560929959361581_n_jpegbf66557ef47abae1f8c122cf1f0033bb

I am sure all the lower staffs, bus conductors, mechanics, etc. married must have married from the moon

All this talk of hypergamy is moot; everybody marries someone they think will add values to their lives whether that value is money, children, position, cooking skills, MRS. title bedmatics etc. is something else altogether.

@ OP: Every woman should marry a man with the potential and drive to succeed otherwise, he will pull you down when you decide to fly.
I believe potential as discussed in this thread is earning power which does not require much. Right positioning, luck, connection and hardwork etc. will do the trick. If I am lucky and secure a job in a Oil & Gas coy immediately I graduated, I have passed potentials and have manifested whether I merit it or not.

The important thing is what really drives that person.

And not all drives/visions result to riches.

Welcome to the world .. bro

Money makes the world go round

All that potential format na wash

Its just that they dont want to accept

onegig: oh ok. Thanks for setting me aright. I was wondering why i kept seeing money, money, money and more money everywhere on this thread from MOST ladies.

Having money is good but I can now see why the society is the way it is. When everything tends towards money, no one wants to sacrifice.

But wait don't we have people who's dream and ambition is to touch and help as many people as possible or a scientist who's interested in inventing a cure for a deadly disease or a teacher who's interested in raising the leaders of tomorrow? Do we say these people don't have potentials just because their life goals doesn't involve raking in the big bucks even when what they make in that cause can actually take care of the basic needs of a family?
Now i see things more clearly. Apparently learning new things everyday.

So what of those who dont get oil n gas jobs or dont have the connections or dont get the breaks in life

bukatyne:

I am sure all the lower staffs, bus conductors, mechanics, etc. married must have married from the moon

All this talk of hypergamy is moot; everybody marries someone they think will add values to their lives whether that value is money, children, position, cooking skills, MRS. title bedmatics etc. is something else altogether.

@ OP: Every woman should marry a man with the potential and drive to succeed otherwise, he will pull you down when you decide to fly.
I believe potential as discussed in this thread is earning power which does not require much. Right positioning, luck, connection and hardwork etc. will do the trick. If I am lucky and secure a job in a Oil & Gas coy immediately I graduated, I have passed potentials and have manifested whether I merit it or not.

The important thing is what really drives that person.

And not all drives/visions result to riches.

pickabeau1: Nothing wrong in this or that

Ladies should come out and speak plainly rather mouthing gibberish like potential when all they mean is comfort and money

Thats the point

Those that see 'potential' has such as always done so.

Men have chased beauty and elegance for ages so what is the problem?

Everybody is free to make their standards... if it is potential they want to call it, then potential it is!

As usual.. your comments are real and humane

I personally dont have any problem with women looking for money and comfort
It means i have to step my game up

However not all efforts yield success in the desired capacity.. thats the fact\

damiso: But Nashville Again I feel drive/potential is relative. As always I will use the two closest men in my life which are my husband and my dad.My Dad even though I love him to bits had very lofty ideas and his greatest ambition which he sadly never accomplished till his death was to become the Governor of Lagos State . Unfortunately Nigeria was and is still not ready for his brand of politics.i don't want to go into much details but that drive sometimes was an issue in my parents marriage.My mum said rhe day after their wedding she did not see him for 1 week as he was contesting for the then Lahos State House of Assembly.Lateef Jakande was his political mentor and my Dad sacrificed alot just to realise this ambition even quality family time.Am sure my mum maybe saw a potential Governor of Lagos State that sadly never materialised and sometimes even put the family finances into trouble. So it was not for want of drive or ambition or even effort it just never materialised.

My husband cannot be more different and some days I ask myself if i subconsciously intentiionslly went the opposite direction.My husband has none of that ambition that my Dad had to be in the corridors of power etc I never saw a potential governor or billionaire or millionaire sef (ok milliinaire in pounds ) but I saw a man who would do (and still does) everything to make sure his family is comfortable.Now even that comfortability might be relative cos to another person 4 holidays a year is the start of being comfortable.

To me therefore potential is a man who puts his family first and sadly that might not necessarily translate to a millionaire.To others potential is much better as a future governor.

I agree however that a man has to do what he has to do even with meagre resources.But this your family friend sef is not just sitting at home is he?

bukatyne:

Those that see 'potential' has such as always done so.

Men have chased beauty and elegance for ages so what is the problem?

Everybody is free to make their standards... if it is potential they want to call it, then potential it is!

Exactly.. thats the game.. dont hate the player...I dont
Money for women... Beauty for men

Chikena!!

pickabeau1: Welcome to the world .. bro

Money makes the world go round

All that potential format na wash

Its just that they dont want to accept



So what of those who dont get oil n gas jobs or dont have the connections or dont get the breaks in life

I have not said everybody must work in Oil & Gas; at least, neither I or hubby does

I am saying 'potential' as regards money is boom! With right connection, positioning, luck and hardwork; it is relatively easy.

Besides, you started the Oil & Gas talk.

Bros, poor people get married every day; several people will never be 'rich' no matter what they do; Some will lose their wealth etc. and yet all these men are still married/get wifey.

pickabeau1:

Exactly.. thats the game.. dont hate the player...I dont
Money for women... Beauty for men

Chikena!!

Do you see women chanting 'beautigamy'? they get to work fixing hair/nails/eyelashes, bleaching, wearing butt pads, dressing like Kim K, buying Brazilian hair etc. so why are men disturbing us with 'hypergamy'?

Please get to work.

onegig: Let me now put this to you. Lets say I am aspiring to be a world renowed archeologist. Although the pay is not big but would take care of most basic needs of my family. I have the drive to seek and travel thousands of kilometers to research ancient sites and monuments which is the path to achieving my goals.


Personally, would you say i have potentials given that i am willing to work extra hard for success. Remember, success does not equate to money.

With your example, yes, you have potentials, because you are willing to work extra hard for success. By basic needs, are you including savings for a rainy day? You may not be a millionaire, but you are willing to work extra hard for success that is what potential is about

Don't be deceived guys. By "potential", ladies actually mean MONEY (riches).

When military boys were in charge of Naija, they all believed khaki boys had potential. They wanted soldiers by all means (they even overlooked religion). I mean ladies raised in Catholic homes.

All children of the super-rich have potential in our dictionary


Forget it, at the end of the day, it's all about the Benjamins

bukatyne:

Do you see women chanting 'beautigamy'? they get to work fixing hair/nails/eyelashes, bleaching, wearing butt pads, dressing like Kim K, buying Brazilian hair etc. so why are men disturbing us with 'hypergamy'?

Please get to work.

Now you finally admit the obvious... why u come dey argue since

Women=money
Men= fine face, nice azzzz

bukatyne:

Do you see women chanting 'beautigamy'? they get to work fixing hair/nails/eyelashes, bleaching, wearing butt pads, dressing like Kim K, buying Brazilian hair etc. so why are men disturbing us with 'hypergamy'?

Please get to work.

Then we (the sexes) get each other ... no wahala

bukatyne:

I have not said everybody must work in Oil & Gas; at least, neither I or hubby does

I am saying 'potential' as regards money is boom! With right connection, positioning, luck and hardwork; it is relatively easy.

Besides, you started the Oil & Gas talk.

Bros, poor people get married every day; several people will never be 'rich' no matter what they do; Some will lose their wealth etc. and yet all these men are still married/get wifey.

Using O&G was an example
Poor people get married..yes But the wives complain, some even leave the marriage at the end.. with kids!

lets be real

Many people believed that a man with potential is a man who is finacially stable, though there are some lazy ass men. But, in my own opinion, a man with potentials is a hardworking man that aims higher. Is not easy for most men in Nigeria. But, will always use myself as an example. My fiance read a course that doesn't give a good job easyly in this part of the world and he knows it with well. He's life was as complicated as heaven don't want to say hell. He had issues when he was in school for years and came and started looking for job all to no avail. Then, every woman would have said he doesn't have potential. But, I saw something in him and believed in soo much. 6yrs after his NSYC and + 5 he wasted in school I was neck down with him.(Pls add it up lol) he had a job but it wasn't worth it at all and he knew. 3years one of his friends told him about a certification in oil company he started preparing for it. It took him 6months to get prepared cos it wasn't his field. Finally, he passed it and he got a good job infact, by the special grace of God his one of the best in department . Potentiality is God's grace, favor and mercy jor

Every Man has a potentials in him...Its just that Some men are busy giving priority to the wrong things and giving this said wrong things opportunity to direct there life's sail

No man has any limitation except the one he set for himself.

A man who has potentials is a man who has discovered himself and purpose in God, found his paSsion and has the energy, Hardwork, diScipline and driving force necessary to bring his passion to Life which in turn will make him a success.

A man would reach his full potential when he is capable of playing the role of Leader, protector and provider simultaneously.

its only passion and hardwork that differentiates a profeSsional from a mediocre...There are thousands of engineers, tailors and technicians but its passion And hardwork that mkes some stand out.

The truth is that most girls see money as potential, most girls don't want to be with a guy at d foundational stage, they don't want to build with U(men)..that's d sad truth that some men haven't realize...and this brings me to this..do u need a woman when pursuing ur passion as a man? NO,....do u need love as a man when making ur dreams a reality? NO..What u need during ur building stage as a man is motivation and believe( someone who believes in ur passion and hardwork)...if any lady doesn't believe in ur hrdwork and paSsion then discard her, if any lady tries to b all lovey and mushy during building stage, discard her U don't need love at that time, ask whether naah love u go chop..U need motivation, encouragement and prayers...Love is a beautiful thing but it shouldn't be ur priority as a man...

How will u accomplish ur plans, goals and vision if u constantly let heart breaks from a gal continue to dampen ur spirit, time which u suppose to use to better urself u use it brooding over babe...some men are where they are today becos of the way they get themselves senselessly involved with women plus d heart breaks.


Remember as a man u should be willing to make necessary sacrifices to mAke ur dream a reality and it mAy include breaking up relationsips nd severing friendships.

I will end with some mantras for d men in the house

- Hard work beats talent when talent fails to prepare.

- Those who re driven by passion do better than those who are driven by survival

-Work at ur dream and goals until your idols become ur rivals

For D Men
MenGoingThereWay.

[color=#990000][/color]

slimzypink: Potential

A guy who is a problem solver

A guy who forgives in advance

A guy who put God 1st and not relying on his brain

A guy who gives head maybe like his life depends on it

A guy who can pound yam for his wife and not jjst sit in sittin room watching premier league erry weekend

#okbye

slimzypink: Potential

A guy who is a problem solver

A guy who forgives in advance

A guy who put God 1st and not relying on his brain

A guy who gives head maybe like his life depends on it

A guy who can pound yam for his wife and not jjst sit in sittin room watching premier league erry weekend

#okbye

slimzypink: Potential

A guy who is a problem solver

A guy who forgives in advance

A guy who put God 1st and not relying on his brain

A guy who gives head maybe like his life depends on it

A guy who can pound yam for his wife and not jjst sit in sittin room watching premier league erry weekend

#okbye

im sorry but not using the brain God gave you is just fool ish. keep listening to your pastor