Sophyrocks:
The only point i have a problem with in the Op is Number 5. Please please please, ladies should endeavor to stop confusing the preferences of others with that of theirs. Who told you Nice guys are boring, are not self confident and all the other bad qualifications you have given them? This is a way of saying what is bad is good and what is good is bad. You cannot associate a good word as "Nice" with something bad. There are many guys who are nice and confident and not boring as well. If you see a guy who is boring, dnt call him Nice. Just say he is boring. simple. if he doesnt have swag or good dress sense, just say so. dnt call him nice. if he has body/mouth odour, stick to that. If you are not physically attracted to him at all, say it. Even a cheat and an abusive guy can form Nice guy for you in the begining to trap you before he unleashes his inner "demons". Anybody can be Nice. Focus on the issues that dnt seem to attract you at all. Thats all. Its pure fallacy that Nice guys are geeks, boring, have no swag and bla bla bla. Too many guys out there have a mixture of qualities so you cannot paint every Nice guy with the same brush.

And by the way, ladies, you will be making a huge mistake sending the wrong signals/messages to guys out there with the ridiculous fallacious statement "Girls dnt like Nice guys". I pity you all who stand by that statement. If you dnt get a good husband, blame no one but yourself. I'm a lady but i gotta say the truth. Ladies, you have used your mouth to drive nice guys away but you keep talking about getting a God fearing man. You are not encouraging men to be Nice in the actual sense of the word and you are not encouraging them to be responsible with this fallacious statement. You will get what you think you deserve. Stop being confused beings. Its disgusting!! Stick to what doesnt appeal to you in a guy. Leave the word "Nice" out of it.

Bless you, lady.

UjSizzle:
@Sophyrocks
Sam Smith is Gay?
Dammit!!!


@Ihedinobi2

Hmmm. Yeah sucks to deal with pride *suitable emoticon missing from list*


Anyway, I want a nice guy

And biko who told you that you're nice?
This one you've been screaming "WE nice guys" since

Yes o. Sam smith is gay for real. He has been hesitant to come out but he finally did.

Sigh. I still love his music regardless. I dnt discriminate.

UjSizzle:
@Ihedinobi2

Hmmm. Yeah sucks to deal with pride *suitable emoticon missing from list*


Anyway, I want a nice guy

And biko who told you that you're nice?
This one you've been screaming "WE nice guys" since

Good you know


Sure you do. Now you won't continue guilting us for being Bible-thumping, sin-fearing, Church-addicted, hardworking, romantic gentlemen anymore, abi?

You know I am

ihedinobi2:

Bless you, lady.

Bless you too.

Why all these long story? Ladies don say dem no want nice guys.....they want more than nice or don't want you to be nice so stop being nice Na.

If nice does not work, switch the hell up and show the other side. I mean people are attracted to the dark side more, be a little more broody, a little more chessy, a whole lot less respectful, a tad bit unreliable and then make the proposal. Oh my, it is weird to know that this is what a lot girls want so you "nice guys" should stop living in denial.

I don't even understand you people. I know a number of girl who if (hypothetically if the ground between two guys are level) they have a problem and if one guy drops all he is doing to help her but the other tells her he is busy and he can't drop what he is doing. If this continues constantly, the guy who does more but dropping his life to help her is less likely to have her. What? Y'all know this to be true.

But there are some ladies who sees the sacrifice the one who drops all to be by her side and her heart longs for that person. Those are the special ones you should look for and not get mad cos she is not that special one.

Look if you ask a girl out and she says no, deal with it and move on. You can choose to be her friend because well you can be friends or you can decide it is an "all or nothing" if you decide to be friends, it is not a friend zone, you are simply friends. Deal dafuq with it. If at some point you find out that you cant be friends with her cos your feelings are in the way and you feel cheated, get to stepping.
cc ihedinobi2, ujsizzle, sophyrocks, jahstech etc.

you people just like when going over the same argument over and over again

Sophyrocks:
The only point i have a problem with in the Op is Number 5. Please please please, ladies should endeavor to stop confusing the preferences of others with that of theirs. Who told you Nice guys are boring, are not self confident and all the other bad qualifications you have given them? This is a way of saying what is bad is good and what is good is bad. You cannot associate a good word as "Nice" with something bad. There are many guys who are nice and confident and not boring as well. If you see a guy who is boring, dnt call him Nice. Just say he is boring. simple. if he doesnt have swag or good dress sense, just say so. dnt call him nice. if he has body/mouth odour, stick to that. If you are not physically attracted to him at all, say it. Even a cheat and an abusive guy can form Nice guy for you in the begining to trap you before he unleashes his inner "demons". Anybody can be Nice. Focus on the issues that dnt seem to attract you at all. Thats all. Its pure fallacy that Nice guys are geeks, boring, have no swag and bla bla bla. Too many guys out there have a mixture of qualities so you cannot paint every Nice guy with the same brush.

And by the way, ladies, you will be making a huge mistake sending the wrong signals/messages to guys out there with the ridiculous fallacious statement "Girls dnt like Nice guys". I pity you all who stand by that statement. If you dnt get a good husband, blame no one but yourself. I'm a lady but i gotta say the truth. Ladies, you have used your mouth to drive nice guys away but you keep talking about getting a God fearing man. You are not encouraging men to be Nice in the actual sense of the word and you are not encouraging them to be responsible with this fallacious statement. You will get what you think you deserve. Stop being confused beings. Its disgusting!! Stick to what doesnt appeal to you in a guy. Leave the word "Nice" out of it.

Among other things, I would say this is an outstanding and impressive statement. From what I have seen from your profile, you rock more than the richest Rockefeller of time past and your level of intelligence shows 'maturity.' Good to have you on Nl!

Mynd44:
Why all these long story? Ladies don say dem no want nice guys.....they want more than nice or don't want you to be nice so stop being nice Na.

If nice does not work, switch the hell up and show the other side. I mean people are attracted to the dark side more, be a little more broody, a little more chessy, a whole lot less respectful, a tad bit unreliable and then make the proposal. Oh my, it is weird to know that this is what a lot girls want so you "nice guys" should stop living in denial.

I don't even understand you people. I know a number of girl who if (hypothetically if the ground between two guys are level) they have a problem and if one guy drops all he is doing to help her but the other tells her he is busy and he can't drop what he is doing. If this continues constantly, the guy who does more but dropping his life to help her is less likely to have her. What? Y'all know this to be true.

But there are some ladies who sees the sacrifice the one who drops all to be by her side and her heart longs for that person. Those are the special ones you should look for and not get mad cos she is not that special one.

Look if you ask a girl out and she says no, deal with it and move on. You can choose to be her friend because well you can be friends or you can decide it is an "all or nothing" if you decide to be friends, it is not a friend zone, you are simply friends. Deal dafuq with it. If at some point you find out that you cant be friends with her cos your feelings are in the way and you feel cheated, get to stepping.
cc ihedinobi2, ujsizzle, sophyrocks, jahstech etc.

you people just like when going over the same argument over and over again

Swiitching from one personality to another to prove a point does not always work for every female. There are lots of females with diverse personalities and preferences. This is why lots of guys get confused. Most guys love to paint every lady with the same brush. I dnt just like how ladies confuse Nice guys to be that awkward. There must be something(s) a lady saw that made her reject a guy. In most cases, they are not physically attracted to the guy. Its best to stick to that than confusing the word "Nice" to mean something else. To me, anyone with the most pathetic personality can be Nice in order to get what he/she wants. Nice is Nice. Good is good. Bad is bad. simple.

mikeomo11:

Among other things, I would say this is an outstanding and impressive statement. From what I have seen from your profile, you rock more than the richest Rockefeller of time past and your level of intelligence shows 'maturity.' Good to have you on Nl!

Thanks.

*side eyes Mynd44 to Sambisa*

For your mind now you don summarise/conclude story

How far my battery na?
And are you still at that other place? Lunch could work if you are.

Sophyrocks! You rock.
You seem to be a matured lady with loads of experience. Your contributions r sagacious, &tiptop. Keep it up!

Sophyrocks:


Swiitching from one personality to another to prove a point does not always work for every female. There are lots of females with diverse personalities and preferences. This is why lots of guys get confused. Most guys love to paint every lady with the same brush. I dnt just like how ladies confuse Nice guys to be that awkward. There must be something(s) a lady saw that made her reject a guy. In most cases, they are not physically attracted to the guy. Its best to stick to that than confusing the word "Nice" to mean something else. To me, anyone with the most pathetic personality can be Nice in order to get what he/she wants. Nice is Nice. Good is good. Bad is bad. simple.

Will you marry me?

UjSizzle:
*side eyes Mynd44 to Sambisa*

For your mind now you don summarise/conclude story

How far my battery na?
And are you still at that other place? Lunch could work if you are.

Na me you dey side-eyes? I will pluck em ooo

Mynd44:

Na me you dey side-eyes? I will pluck em ooo

Meanie

UjSizzle:

Will you marry me?

Mynd44:
Why all these long story? Ladies don say dem no want nice guys.....they want more than nice or don't want you to be nice so stop being nice Na.

If nice does not work, switch the hell up and show the other side. I mean people are attracted to the dark side more, be a little more broody, a little more chessy, a whole lot less respectful, a tad bit unreliable and then make the proposal. Oh my, it is weird to know that this is what a lot girls want so you "nice guys" should stop living in denial.

I don't even understand you people. I know a number of girl who if (hypothetically if the ground between two guys are level) they have a problem and if one guy drops all he is doing to help her but the other tells her he is busy and he can't drop what he is doing. If this continues constantly, the guy who does more but dropping his life to help her is less likely to have her. What? Y'all know this to be true.

But there are some ladies who sees the sacrifice the one who drops all to be by her side and her heart longs for that person. Those are the special ones you should look for and not get mad cos she is not that special one.

Look if you ask a girl out and she says no, deal with it and move on. You can choose to be her friend because well you can be friends or you can decide it is an "all or nothing" if you decide to be friends, it is not a friend zone, you are simply friends. Deal dafuq with it. If at some point you find out that you cant be friends with her cos your feelings are in the way and you feel cheated, get to stepping.
cc ihedinobi2, ujsizzle, sophyrocks, jahstech etc.

you people just like when going over the same argument over and over again

I don't think people should become rude and uncaring just because they want a girl. That even defeats the point of wanting a woman. Women soften us up and give us rest. They tell us that it's ok to let our guard down sometimes and let life in. Without them, like God said, it would be bad, really bad.

As for the friendzone, I ignored that on purpose. I never even knew of such a thing until I found it on Nairaland. I will admit that it is a curious mental construct but I insist also that there really is some argument for it.

When a guy has offered his heart to a girl and she rejects him and he chooses to walk away, it is not right for her to play on his vulnerability to her to keep him around, maybe because she thinks she'll want him in the future. That is cruel. And that is what I will always resist. People can say that nobody is forcing a man who wants to leave to stay because they totally miss the part where he DOES NOT WANT TO LEAVE. He loves her, for heaven's sake. Why would he be in a hurry to leave? The reason he chooses to is that it is not easy to want a woman that much and watch her give herself to anybody else.

Those who claim that they can handle it know how they do. I don't. Before Nairaland I always dated from among existing friends and I never kept close female friends. You became close when we started dating. Until then, we'd flirt once in several weeks and do small talk and I'd play Ghandi sometimes but that was it. Hanging out together so often and all that was stuff I did because I'd gotten serious with you.

It was only after I discovered the friendzone on Nairaland that I suffered its bite, lol. And I understood the anger of most fellas and some women too who have experienced it.

Whobedatte:
Sophyrocks! You rock.
You seem to be a matured lady with loads of experience. Your contributions r sagacious, &tiptop. Keep it up!

Thanks.

MzNelly:


1. [b]She Has a Type And You're Not it.
Yes. You may be the most caring person you've ever known-nice, sweet and gentle(good for you!), however the fact remains that the heart wants what the heart wants. I see guys complain about this but have you ever really stopped to wonder what the girl in question is interested in.....[/b]

[/b]

When a girl says WE CAN ONLY BE FRIENDS to a guy who is not interested in being just a friend and the girl still decides to hang on, she is actually passing across a message that is conflicting with her heart. Why would you want to be friends with someone who has asked you out and you have called him off.

It means you are getting something from that guy that you don't want to lose just yet. And you dont want to commit either. So which is it?

MzNelly:

2. [b]She can't control Her Feelings.
This goes without saying. Don't trivialize her feelings by claiming you've been friendzoned. Don't expect her to hook up with you because you talk to her on Facebook late at night. Don't expect her to feel the same way you do just because you've been nice to her. That's prostitution and that makes you a douche.[/b]

[/b]

I read this one and I'm asking, who in her right senses will consent to a Facebook avatar whom she hasn't even met yet. Or someone she has met a few times and only talks on Facebook. Are girls that desperate for attention that they would spend so much time with an unknown stranger.

Why exactly does she even spend so much time chatting on Facebook with the guy so much so that the guy is up to the point of asking her out? It would seem to me that she was hoping it would happen or she has suddenly become dependent on him.

MzNelly:

3. [b]She's Been Hurt too.
Only guys sit down and make up a name of something that is actually...pretty normal. I've been hurt as well, I've liked people who didn't feel the same way. So? Would i sit and lick my wounds or move on? The same applies to the so-called 'Nice Guys' out there. Be a man about it and move on.[/b]

[/b]

I will tell you a simple truth. If you like a guy and you are bold enough to tell him and the guy unfortunately says he aint interested, you most likely will not be able to stand up to him again. It probably will make you feel like you let yourself down and made yourself look cheap before the guy. You quite likely will avoid him. If you don't he may begin to take advantage of you or begin to avoid you too. Either way one person will take action.

And besides there is no way a Guy and a Girl will be friends without strings attached somewhere. There will always be one form of string or the other.

MzNelly:

4. [b]The Friendzone is an Excuse.
It's an excuse for when a guy likes a girl but the girl doesn't like him right back. It's a sense of entitlement. It's the idea that just because a guy gives a girl his time or affection, she's in the wrong for not giving him sexual or romantic favors back. It's a defense mechanism, a way for the guy to make the girl seem coldhearted or callous or dumb for simply acting on her feelings, or rather lack of feelings.[/b]

[/b]

The whole friend zone concept is not even a concept that came up from the guys. Its a concept that came from the girls themelves. Its girls who make statements like "This one is friend material" or "oh that one is husband material".

While everyone has a right to preference, a girl who receives time and affection from a guy and enjoys it must be ready to respond in kind to the guy. You must also be ready to spend time and affection the other way round otherwise don't accept it at all in the first place.

A girl would never give affection and time to a guy she doesn't like. In the same vein if she is giving time and affection she expects such to be reciprocated. If it isn't the she feels used.

And besides what makes you think the girls don't whine too. The girls are the worst whiners. Their own whining can destroy a whole generation gan sef

MzNelly:

5. [b]Because No Girl Just Wants A 'Nice Guy.'
You need to be more than an innocent little boy. You need to be a smart, witty, funny, charming and confident man. Girls don't like 'nice guys' or 'douchebags', they like guys who are real, just like guys like girls who are real. If you think a girl owes you something simply because you're a 'nice guy', then you have a warped sense of entitlement with the females, man.

The friendzone is the ineffectual tool of an ineffectual male. Stop using it as an excuse. There's a girl out there for you but you can't expect it to be me and blame me when it isn't, Capish?

[/b]

"Nice Guy". And somebody is accusinbg guys of cliche's. Who is a nice-guy? So a nice-guy is not a real guy? Unfortunately girls miss a very salient point. Its impossible to always find a guy who has all of that combination. A guy may be smart, witty, funny, charming and confident. But how many girls do you think will have that guy on their radar. Or how many girls do you think that guy will have on his hit list. A guy like that will almost always not even see you. He's got too many on his fringes to even notice you.

Girls have a preconceived notion about who the right guy is. But unfortunately they forget that those novels they read, the telemundo shows they watch are far from the reality of things.

If a guy is not a nice guy then what is he? A "bad" guy abi. And then when the "bad guy" uses and dumps her, the nice guy comes around to soothe her pains and then she returns back to her "WE CAN ONLY BE FRIENDS" cliche waiting to be hit by the next bad guy.

Ok ooooooo!!!

Sophyrocks:


Swiitching from one personality to another to prove a point does not always work for every female. There are lots of females with diverse personalities and preferences. This is why lots of guys get confused. Most guys love to paint every lady with the same brush. I dnt just like how ladies confuse Nice guys to be that awkward. There must be something(s) a lady saw that made her reject a guy. In most cases, they are not physically attracted to the guy. Its best to stick to that than confusing the word "Nice" to mean something else. To me, anyone with the most pathetic personality can be Nice in order to get what he/she wants. Nice is Nice. Good is good. Bad is bad. simple.

Minister of women affairs.

ihedinobi2:

Good you know


Sure you do. Now you won't continue guilting us for being Bible-thumping, sin-fearing, Church-addicted, hardworking, romantic gentlemen anymore, abi?

You know I am

Maybe someone should define what 'nice' means anyway.
I get the feeling it means a zillion things to a zillion people.



And mba o you are not nice at all. You're just annoying and so close to being clobbered to your grave
*by moi of course **flips hair***

ihedinobi2:

I don't think people should become rude and uncaring just because they want a girl. That even defeats the point of wanting a woman. Women soften us up and give us rest. They tell us that it's ok to let our guard down sometimes and let life in. Without them, like God said, it would be bad, really bad.

As for the friendzone, I ignored that on purpose. I never even knew of such a thing until I found it on Nairaland. I will admit that it is a curious mental construct but I insist also that there really is some argument for it.

When a guy has offered his heart to a girl and she rejects him and he chooses to walk away

…

it is not right for her to play on his vulnerability to her to keep him around, maybe because she thinks she'll want him in the future. That is cruel. And that is what I will always resist. People can say that nobody is forcing a man who wants to leave to stay because they totally miss the part where he DOES NOT WANT TO LEAVE. He loves her, for heaven's sake. Why would he be in a hurry to leave? The reason he chooses to is that it is not easy to want a woman that much and watch her give herself to anybody else.

Can't tell you how happy i am by your words. A guy who was told No by a female wouldn't want to walk away so fast considering the facts that he might think you are playing hard to get or if given time he could make you see him in a new light. The problem with this friendzone thing is more about the girl knowing fully well she has no need for the guy as her bf, and still tries to use his feelings to make him vulnerable thereby manipulating him to serve her needs whereas the guy keep doing this because he thought he could win her heart with this good gestures.
And d fact still remain that a No is not always a No when it comes to the ladies. Will u ladies tell me that ur past or current bf was given the "YES " answer first day he told you about his feelings for you . So how do you expect him to know your No is a No and not playing hard to get or simply testing him?
cc. ujsizzle, sophyrocks, MzNelly

Those who claim that they can handle it know how they do. I don't. Before Nairaland I always dated from among existing friends and I never kept close female friends. You became close when we started dating. Until then, we'd flirt once in several weeks and do small talk and I'd play Ghandi sometimes but that was it. Hanging out together so often and all that was stuff I did because I'd gotten serious with you.

God bless you broda.

It was only after I discovered the friendzone on Nairaland that I suffered its bite, lol. And I understood the anger of most fellas and some women too who have experienced it.

Micynute94, if a woman says No I don't want to date you repeatedly, then you should take it at face value.

If she wants you, she'd likely than not express her desire to get to know you more, before making a decision. Should she decide that you are not for her after the window period, then take it at face value.

I think though that this (alliteration ) window period is the problem. The longer he waits hoping you'll want him back, the more he gets attached to you.
So if you eventually say No, he begins to feel slighted (hence the friend zone).

I don't believe anyone should keep anyone from moving on though. If you reject a person, then at least allow them find some else who will have them.
If they do move on and you decide you're starting to have feelings for them, then perhaps say so. If they are in a relationship, then hold your peace.

Everyone deserves a chance at happiness one way or another.

Romance is such murky business *sighs*

phabulous88:


Minister of women affairs.

Who gave me that position?

Lovexme:
Guys, just be yourselves, and what will be will be.

Continue being your weakasssss self...and what will be will be.....i.e you continually having your sorryassss friendzoned.

stand up man & be confident...its d new sexy.

micynute94:
…

Can't tell you how happy i am by your words. A guy who was told No by a female wouldn't want to walk away so fast considering the facts that he might think you are playing hard to get or if given time he could make you see him in a new light. The problem with this friendzone thing is more about the girl knowing fully well she has no need for the guy as her bf, and still tries to use his feelings to make him vulnerable thereby manipulating him to serve her needs whereas the guy keep doing this because he thought he could win her heart with this good gestures.
And d fact still remain that a No is not always a No when it comes to the ladies. Will u ladies tell me that ur past or current bf was given the "YES " answer first day he told you about his feelings for you . So how do you expect him to know your No is a No and not playing hard to get or simply testing him?
cc. ujsizzle, sophyrocks, MzNelly


God bless you broda.

Some people may term this 'cheap', but i have no reason to play 'hard to get.'
The answer to your question is YES. When he asked me out, i replied in the affirmative that same minute.

UjSizzle:

Maybe someone should define what 'nice' means anyway.
I get the feeling it means a zillion things to a zillion people.



And mba o you are not nice at all. You're just annoying and so close to being clobbered to your grave
*by moi of course **flips hair***

Lol. What? What's wrong with my definition, biko?


Puhleeeeease, everyone knows I'm the nicest guy. Can't help the fact that hair-flipping girls crush so helplessly on me. Not my fault *yimu*

MzNelly:

Some people may term this 'cheap', but i have no reason to play 'hard to get.'
The answer to your question is YES. When he asked me out, i replied in the affirmative that same minute.

How long did you pray before he manned up enough to ask you out?

micynute94:
…

Can't tell you how happy i am by your words. A guy who was told No by a female wouldn't want to walk away so fast considering the facts that he might think you are playing hard to get or if given time he could make you see him in a new light. The problem with this friendzone thing is more about the girl knowing fully well she has no need for the guy as her bf, and still tries to use his feelings to make him vulnerable thereby manipulating him to serve her needs whereas the guy keep doing this because he thought he could win her heart with this good gestures.
And d fact still remain that a No is not always a No when it comes to the ladies. Will u ladies tell me that ur past or current bf was given the "YES " answer first day he told you about his feelings for you . So how do you expect him to know your No is a No and not playing hard to get or simply testing him?
cc. ujsizzle, sophyrocks, MzNelly


God bless you broda.

If she repeatedly tells you No. simple. There is a difference between saying No and saying lets know each other as friends to see if dating is possible. Some ladies prefer that to just jumping straight away into dating perhaps they wanna be sure of whom is asking them out or due to bad experiences where they didnt take time to know their partners well. So just take it that you are just friends trying to know each other. There is nothing wrong with being persistent but its important to read body language and facial expressions. If your persistence seems to irritate a lady, move along and find someone else. If she starts acting Nice after uve gotten someone else, take her to be confused and keep moving.

If a lady begins to abuse the friendship to her advantage but keeps flashing the "friendship" card to your face, stay away from her and move on. Know when to stay and when to leave.

Sophyrocks:


If she repeatedly tells you No. simple. There is a difference between saying No and saying lets know each other as friends to see if dating is possible. Some ladies prefer that to just jumping straight away into dating perhaps they wanna be sure of whom is asking them out or due to bad experiences where they didnt take time to know their partners well. So just take it that you are just friends trying to know each other. There is nothing wrong with being persistent but its important to read body language and facial expressions. If your persistence seems to irritate a lady, move along and find someone else. If she starts acting Nice after uve gotten someone else, take her to be confused and keep moving.

If a lady begins to abuse the friendship to her advantage but keeps flashing the "friendship" card to your face, stay away from her and move on. Know when to stay and when to leave.

Nne are you sure you don't want to marry me?


*persistent female here*

Sophyrocks:




Who gave me that position?

Going by your comments here on NL, I think you deserve the position and even more. Don't worry when I become the president in 2015, I'll make you the Minister of Women and Family Affairs, just vote for me

ihedinobi2:

Lol. What? What's wrong with my definition, biko?


Puhleeeeease, everyone knows I'm the nicest guy. Can't help the fact that hair-flipping girls crush so helplessly on me. Not my fault *yimu*

Let me see.....
You just defined nice as bible thumping and a bunch of other things.
Some people call it being respectful and attentive.
......and a bunch of other things.



BuddhaPalm!!! Mind explaining 'nice'?

UjSizzle:


Nne are you sure you don't want to marry me?


*persistent female here*

Ujsizzle you're playing with 14 years!

phabulous88:


Going by your comments here on NL, I think you deserve the position and even more. Don't worry when I become the president in 2015, I'll make you the Minister of Women and Family Affairs, just vote for me

Funny you. I dnt know it all but one thing i know is all ladies cannot be the same.