@post
first am gonna say that at 19 u r too young to handle such issues,
butfor the benefit of older ones around, i will tell u some home truths.

one i rarely want to believe that his mum is always around,
moreso its funny how girls these days dont want a mother in-law around but forget they themselves wud end up being one.
i have to go, i will explain bera 2mrw.

thank God hes now an ex

whatever90:

thank God hes now a ex

Like the next one wont also have a mother?

It all depends on the approach of the girl to be honest. the guy isnt in the wrong at all . . .

. . . a lot of mummy's boys in the house . . .

na so woman full here.

Mich, too bad you got stuck with a man who is tied to his mother's apron strings. But to be honest if i were in the guy's shoes i'd probably react the same way.

Oh well, good to know!

- Did you take ANY opportunity to get close to his mother? If you did, the mom herself will be the one to ask when you'll be coming so she can give you some space with her son.

I have always greeted (knelt down) her whenever I saw her. I can't just go and visit her because since he has not made it official that he wants to get serious with me, i don't want to act desperate by licking his mum's ass to get her approval. Afterall he is supposed to make an effort to make things easier between us but just because we have got to meet each other, he thinks he has done even too much.

- Women expect that men should simply dispense with their mothers as soon as they show up . . . not ever going to happen.

Have you taken your time to read the thread? So David are you telling me that whenever you asked your gf to come over, your mum always happened to be around? This is not just a whim, this is using common sense. How do you think a possibly future wife would feel if she is constantly under her inlaw's eyes? Please, give some breathing space.

My mom didnt initially like my ex when i introduced them to each other but the chic played a smart move . . . she would occassionally visit my mom in my absence, both would call each other at least 3 times a week . . . within 2 months my mom was begging me to marry her.

I didn't play any secret visit to my boyfriend to get his attention. I have never had any prob with my ex's mum and even today I always hug her whenever I meet her, so that isn't the issue. I am myself in whatever situation and won't play games to get someone's affection. That isn't being smart, but a calculator.

What do you mean by a "typical african relationship" anyway? I find that amusing . . . you think foreign men will send their mothers away for you?

Why not? Aren't I just too adorable?

DavidDylan:

Like the next one wont also have a mother?

It all depends on the approach of the girl to be honest. the guy isnt in the wrong at all . . .

having a mother isnt d deal,but allowing her control u,or influence ur decision always,is d prob,i know before one gets married,d family members should come first,but the mothers should also know that she's got to give d child sm space,seriously some mothers should know that they have lived their lives,and allow their kids live theirs too


@michelin
does he have other bros or sis?is she like this to them too?

michelin89:

Oh well, good to know!

I have always greeted (knelt down) her whenever I saw her. I can't just go and visit her because since he has not made it official that he wants to get serious with me, i don't want to act desperate by licking his mum's ass to get her approval. Afterall he is supposed to make an effort to make things easier between us but just because we have got to meet each other, he thinks he has done even too much.

You know he doesn't want to get serious with yet you are requesting that he spends less time with his mum and more time with you? The mind boggles.

Oh well, good to know!

I have always greeted (knelt down) her whenever I saw her. I can't just go and visit her because since he has not made it official that he wants to get serious with me, i don't want to act desperate by licking his mum's ass to get her approval. Afterall he is supposed to make an effort to make things easier between us but just because we have got to meet each other, he thinks he has done even too much.

now wait a min,just saw dis,michelin d guy is not married to u yet,u r not even in d family already,u just cant start sharing attention wt his mum,blive me ,no man will take dat

stillwater:

. . . a lot of mummy's boys in the house . . .

Go and sit down.
I won't choose a babe over ma mum(NEVER). . .
Hell, i won't even choose a babe over Man Utd. . . . I met em before any babe so she should accept me that way or . . . . . .

guys no one is against the girl getting to know the family. all she (and we by extension) is saying is how can mum be around EVERY single time your girlfriend shows up at your place? it makes her question your feelings for her, cos it appears you'll create 'us time' everywhere but in your own house. it is not sidelining your mother. gee! your mother has her own very fulfilling relationship with your dad. it would be unfair to let her ruin yours. the poor thing was only asking for once a month for starters. very reasonable i'd say . one out of 30 days she was asking for a pittance!

michelin89:

I have always greeted (knelt down) her whenever I saw her. I can't just go and visit her because since he has not made it official that he wants to get serious with me, i don't want to act desperate by licking his mum's ass to get her approval. Afterall he is supposed to make an effort to make things easier between us but just because we have got to meet each other, he thinks he has done even too much.

then why do you expect his mom to leave the house for you? As far as she's concerned you're no different from the several girls her son just plays around with.

michelin89:

Have you taken your time to read the thread? So David are you telling me that whenever you asked your girlfriend to come over, your mum always happened to be around? This is not just a whim, this is using common sense. How do you think a possibly future wife would feel if she is constantly under her inlaw's eyes? Please, give some breathing space.

My mom knows i don't just entertain any woman . . . when she happens to see one she knows i must be serious about her and will do her best to give us our space even though she's literarily dying to find out what is going on. you say this guy is in his early 20s, i'll wager 22-23 . . . his mother still considers him a kid and you a distraction.

Don't you know the unwritten rule? Do NOT attempt to come between a man and his mother, no matter how mild or extreme.

Na wa o. Nor do the same to your son ooo!

I couldn't help but pick on the highlighted part of the quote. How is this behaviour typical to Nigerian men alone?

Did someone happen to notice where she said the guy is in his early twenties? No? I rest.

I have dated three guys and all seem to be the same. I may the unfortunate one but damn there are some similarities in the way they were brought up by their mum which later influenced the way they percieve things. This can be noticed in most Naija guys, africans to be precise.

Is maturity too much for a guy in his early 20s?

whatever90:

having a mother isnt d deal,but allowing her control u,or influence ur decision always,is d prob,i know before one gets married,d family members should come first,but the mothers should also know that she's got to give d child sm space,seriously some mothers should know that they have lived their lives,and allow their kids live theirs too

Perfect. I agree but then when you make your intentions known to a girl, you also have to behave accordingly. Besides I don't believe a man who puts his mum first in everything until his wedding day will be likely to change afterwards. Not being pessimist, but that's the truth.

@michelin
does he have other bros or sis?is she like this to them too?

He has got siblings but he is the first born.

~Sauron~:

Go and sit down.
I won't choose a babe over ma mum(NEVER). . .
Hell, i won't even choose a babe over Man Utd. . . . I met em before any babe so she should accept me that way or . . . . . .

go and lie down jare!

which yeye Man U? the same one that couldn't hold their own against the goners?

then why do you expect his mom to leave the house for you? As far as she's concerned your no different from the several girls her son just plays around with.

Now I get it. Thanks for telling me.

My mom knows i don't just entertain any woman . . . when she happens to see one she knows i must be serious about her and will do her best to give us our space even though she's literarily dying to find out what is going on. you say this guy is in his early 20s, i'll wager 22-23 . . . his mother still considers him a kid and you a distraction.

Truth hurts, but i accept it!

whatever90:

now wait a min,just saw this,michelin d guy is not married to u yet,u r not even in d family already,u just can't start sharing attention wt his mum,blive me ,no man will take that

They are not married. She's 19 she said he's in his early 20's, prolly 21 or 22. Please do the math.

I am a mummy's girl and I cannot even imagine any man making this kind of request, I will show him the road.

Not to take away from the seriousness of the topic but has any one seen the music video for Brad Paisely's "I'm gonna Miss her"? Hilarious take on this situation  

And Yes, I am a HUGE country Music fan and I am not ashamed of it.  

~Sauron~:

Go and sit down.
I won't choose a babe over ma mum(NEVER). . .
Hell, i won't even choose a babe over Man Utd. . . . I met em before any babe so she should accept me that way or . . . . . .

I pity your babe then. Goodluck

@Mich

Does she have a husband?

michelin89:

Na wa o. Nor do the same to your son ooo!

I have dated three guys and all seem to be the same. I may the unfortunate one but damn there are some similarities in the way they were brought up by their mum which later influenced the way they percieve things. This can be noticed in most Naija guys, africans to be precise.

Is maturity too much for a guy in his early 20s?

Perfect. I agree but then when you make your intentions known to a girl, you also have to behave accordingly. Besides I don't believe a man who puts his mum first in everything until his wedding day will be likely to change afterwards. Not being pessimist, but that's the truth.
He has got siblings but he is the first born.

sorry o! no wonder! mumsie won't let him go that easily. forget about him. i no dey like date first born sef. too much pressure on him, and it gets transferred to you.

michelin89:

Na wa o. Nor do the same to your son ooo!  

I have dated three guys and all seem to be the same. I may the unfortunate one but damn there are some similarities in the way they were brought up by their mum which later influenced the way they percieve things. T[b]his can be noticed in most Naija guys, africans to be precise.[/b]

Is maturity too much for a guy in his early 20s?

Perfect. I agree but then when you make your intentions known to a girl, you also have to behave accordingly. Besides I don't believe a man who puts his mum first in everything until his wedding day will be likely to change afterwards. Not being pessimist, but that's the truth.
He has got siblings but he is the first born.

I think any male can exhibit those qualities but I see it more in the African men that I know. I think some have stronger maternal ties (or have stronger ties to any female member of their family i.e. sister, aunty, etc).

I don't think you have to push the mom out of the house but I don't see anything wrong with having some alone time. It could be something simple like watching a movie or having dinner NOT some grandiose thing. I don't think her request is that far fetched, how else will you get to know each other?

He is a young man in his early twenties. Has got his job and an apartment of his own which is situated in a city 30 minutes away from his mum. However whenever his girlfriend visits (once in a month) she always accidentally meet his mother. sometimes it degenerates to the extent that all his friends happen to be present as well. To cut the long story short: the girl asked the guy for a space specifically meant for her. In a period of one month what is a weekend without a visit from your mum? Answer: you are asking for too much. That's it.

Now that girl is me and the boy happens to be my ex. I have been reasoning and it seems that in the African contest I had no right whatsoever to make such a demand. But, considering he nurtured me with so much hope for a future together, wasn't I right to recquire a special time and space from him?

One day monkey go go market, e no go return
he he he

Oh no! Please tell me you did not tell him that.  

One lesson you're going to have to learn is that UNLESS you're married to him, his mum will always come before you. It's the same thing with certain females who love their dads a lot. The reason why it is not so obvious in females is that dads don't usually fuss over their kids like women do. Any man that thinks he would be able to pull me away from my dad has made the gravest mistake of his life.

But as for asking him to get a little time away from his mother? That's asking too much. I agree. You probably should get back with him because you were way too ambitious in that request.

spikedcylinder:

You know he doesn't want to get serious with yet you are requesting that he spends less time with his mum and more time with you? The mind boggles.

He has asked me and we were even discussing going to live together when I start university but for some reasons I decided we weren't matured enough. I was the one who personally asked him not to speak to any body about it. Even my friends and family didn't know we had such plans I thought making it official would have caused even more concern by the family and possibly riun things.

whatever90:

now wait a min,just saw this,michelin d guy is not married to u yet,u r not even in d family already,u just can't start sharing attention wt his mum,blive me ,no man will take that

Make una go rest! I like to say things before the worse happens. Because nor be say we go marry tomorrow then I go come change from A to B. I speak my mind and let my thoughts out.

~Sauron~:

Go and sit down.
I won't choose a babe over ma mum(NEVER). . .
Hell, i won't even choose a babe over Man Utd. . . . I met em before any babe so she should accept me that way or . . . . . .

Who call you?

I have dated three guys and all seem to be the same. I may the unfortunate one but damn there are some similarities in the way they were brought up by their mum which later influenced the way they percieve things. This can be noticed in most Naija guys, africans to be precise.

Is maturity too much for a guy in his early 20s?

Na you sabi maturity abi? The person wey born pikin no sabi maturity.

Alarm never still blow. e remain small

he he he

guys no one is against the girl getting to know the family. all she (and we by extension) is saying is how can mum be around EVERY single time your girlfriend shows up at your place? it makes her question your feelings for her, because it appears you'll create 'us time' everywhere but in your own house. it is not sidelining your mother. gee! your mother has her own very fulfilling relationship with your dad. it would be unfair to let her ruin yours. the poor thing was only asking for once a month for starters. very reasonable i'd say     . one out of 30 days she was asking for a pittance!

What sane adult man hangs aroung his mum 24/7? What kinds of men are these?

spikedcylinder:

They are not married. She's 19 she said he's in his early 20's, prolly 21 or 22. Please do the math.

I am a mummy's girl and I cannot even imagine any man making this kind of request, I will show him the road.

nope,no way will such man want to end up wt a woman who has not even entered d family yet,but has already started telling d guy what to do wt his mum ,because d guy is going to think and say "what if this girl comes in finally as a wife what will happen"

seriously michelin that guy is still a child,early twenties,i tot he was in his late twenties/thirties,its only natural d mum visits him always,hes d first son and just a kid for heavens sake,all shes doing is try to set him on d right track of life

stillwater:

I pity your babe then. Goodluck

Self-pity, huh??

iceblue:

go and lie down jare!  

Why would any woman wanna come between me and ma mother??
I have no intention to come between any woman and her Dad so i don't understand why this should even be an issue.
My mother will not break ma heart, a woman can.

which yeye Manchester United? the same one that couldn't hold their own against the goners?  

English/European Champions. . . .It doesn't get better than that.

JustGood:

Na you sabi maturity abi? The person wey born pikin no sabi maturity.

My brother i tire!

michelin89:

He has asked me and we were even discussing going to live together when I start university but for some reasons I decided we weren't matured enough. I was the one who personally asked him not to speak to any body about it. Even my friends and family didn't know we had such plans I thought making it official would have caused even more concern by the family and possibly riun things.

You guys were putting the cart before the horse . . . infact you didnt even have a horse and you were polishing your cart.

Why discussing going to live together with a man when he hasnt officially declared you a couple to his friends and family? Na wa o.

iceblue:

sorry o! no wonder! mumsie won't let him go that easily. forget about him. i no dey like date first born sef. too much pressure on him, and it gets transferred to you.

maybe the first borns' you know.  

spikedcylinder:

They are not married. She's 19 she said he's in his early 20's, prolly 21 or 22. Please do the math.

I am a mummy's girl and I cannot even imagine any man making this kind of request, I will show him the road.

Shebi it's just Mummy's girl with you, me I am a FAMILY's girl! You know how us abokis do it now! I make sure any guy who is having ideas know this upfront. I don't want a situation where he goes ". . . errr. . . na wa oh, you and your family sef"

I also encourage he spends time with his family, as a marra of fact, if there is a way we can MESH the two families together, where no one knows who is who. . . BETTER FOR ME!!!!! Takes away the whole burden of me and you, you and me. . . all the time forever and ever. Yikes! I don't think I can live like that. I swear I will die or strangle someone.

stillwater:

I pity your babe then. Goodluck

@Mich

Does she have a husband?

She get husband, get work and get another son for house.

iceblue:

sorry o! no wonder! mumsie won't let him go that easily. forget about him. i no dey like date first born sef. too much pressure on him, and it gets transferred to you.

I nor fit wait ooo!

j-girl:

Oh no! Please tell me you did not tell him that.

One lesson you're going to have to learn is that UNLESS you're married to him, his mum will always come before you. It's the same thing with certain females who love their dads a lot. The reason why it is not so obvious in females is that dads don't usually fuss over their kids like women do. Any man that thinks he would be able to pull me away from my dad has made the gravest mistake of his life.

But as for asking him to get a little time away from his mother? That's asking too much. I agree. You probably should get back with him because you were way too ambitious in that request.

Girl, they don't live together and it's just once a month. What are 2-3 days in 30 days?

spikedcylinder:


What sane adult man hangs aroung his mum 24/7? What kinds of men are these?

Haaa you don dey understand. The problem is not his mum coming around sometimes when I am with him, but she being around all the time.

whatever90:

nope,no way will such man want to end up wt a woman who has not even entered d family yet,but has already started telling d guy what to do wt his mum ,because d guy is going to think and say "what if this girl comes in finally as a wife what will happen"

seriously michelin that guy is still a child,early twenties,i tot he was in his late twenties/thirties,its only natural d mum visits him always,hes d first son and just a kid for heavens sake,all shes doing is try to set him on d right track of life

I am desperate. These things are so simple for me. They are primary notions I take for granted.

I guess I have just be welcomed into the bitter part of life!

DavidDylan:


You guys were putting the cart before the horse . . . infact you didnt even have a horse and you were polishing your cart.

Why discussing going to live together with a man when he hasnt officially declared you a couple to his friends and family? Na wa o.

na the time wey the thing dey sweet the guy. me sef don tell woman say make we go marry before when I dey young. na the "something" dey sweet me too that time but pikin no fit sabi

~Sauron~:

Self-pity, huh??

Why would any woman want to come between me and ma mother??
I have no intention to come between any woman and her Dad so i don't understand why this should even be an issue.
My mother will not break ma heart, a woman can.

English/European Champions. . . .It doesn't get better than that.

I don't see it as coming in between. She doesn't want to alienate the woman (at least I don't think she does) but what is so wrong with asking for some "US" time. It doesn't have to be this long thing. I'm a daddy girl and he is overprotective to boot and I'll never choose a guy over him but I do realize I have to set my boundaries. I am not marrying my family nor my parents they are an extension of me.

michelin89:

He has asked me and we were even discussing going to live together when I start university but for some reasons I decided we weren't matured enough. I was the one who personally asked him not to speak to any body about it. Even my friends and family didn't know we had such plans I thought making it official would have caused even more concern by the family and possibly riun things.

live wt a man whos not even brought drink to ur family,a man wey never even marry u?wat if d mum visits u guys and sees dat u living there,wetin u think say she go do,clap for  a 19 yr old girl for staying wt a boyfriend who isnt her finace at dat?and u think d woman will allow u marry her son?for real haba