freecocoa:
You are right, though I still wonder what a woman would that to warrant such.

All in all, we agree to disagree.

You need to stop looking at this from an holistic view point

The woman is not single... She is married

The man must have had reasons to demand such when it's not like there is any suggestion that their relationship has always been like that.

Cutehector4u:
Hmmm... I wonder the kind of men mothers raise up these days

I thought it was the responsibility of a father to teach his son on how to become a man?

On topics like this people ought to contribute responsibly.

In nigeria,this is a common scenario,mostly with the yoruba culture and amongst certain religious sect.

I blame the women for marrying such primitive men,I blame soceity and pple such as nairalnders that commented carelesly for its existence in present day soceity.

It used to be a sign of submission but it failed the prior generation.The men took the money enriched themselves abused their spouses seeing they had nowhere to go.

So a man and wife build a house with all the womans salary,and his relatives or his 2nd wife take over,remember she has no other "savings" hence totally dependent.Not just her her children too.

So in this day and age a man says to his working wife "bring all ur salary" in a culture that has no protective laws for its women and some folks come on here and say its submission? Its not submission its evil and theivery by a lazy man,men like that eventually find other places to validate their ego,they spend on other women who look at them as a rich provider...

I've seen and heard of a few like this,non ended with the man staying despite the woman agreeing to remit all her income.like it is with every bully,giving in never solves the problem,the demands just get worse as the woman looses all her respect completely.Don't these women respect themselves? To respect yourself means u carry yourself and treat urself in a manner deserving to be respected. women,learn from the prior generationn,look out for ur family,but look out for urselves too,have ur own egg nest.if not for u,for ur children.Ignore society,if you trust the man completely,fine but remember its your responsibilty to protect yourself and your children with your choices,be wise.choose well.

@poster, give us more info before we pass a bias judgement.

That said,there is no reason whatsoever for a man to demand for his wives salary save in the form of a loan,and that's a request she's free to decline.

Men who demand money from women as a right by virtue of marriage are freeloaders women would be wise to avoid in courtship.

If he demands for money while dating you,run! A man must be able to clean up his own mess,not use u,such a man is an opportunist at best.

Mondisweets:
I thought it was the responsibility of a father to teach his son on how to become a man?

ok leme change my comment to b this way... I wonder the kind of men fathers raise up these days...

Hmmm..

jaybee3:


You need to stop looking at this from an holistic view point

The woman is not single... She is married

The man must have had reasons to demand such when it's not like there is any suggestion that their relationship has always been like that.

Jaybee let me ask you something, if the reverse were to be the case, can the woman demand such?

bennyrazz:
@op, but your friend has options now? either she submit her salary or carefully leave the marriage. There can't be two captains in a ship. The only thing I will say here is she should give it a trial for 2 or 3months and see what her husband plans are. If he squanders the money, then she should not submit subsequent ones and that would be her basis of argument should the marriage fail.

Den if she wants to buy dress, she'll ask him for money abi? Or if she wants to send some money to her parents or siblings, she'll seek his permission and beg him for "some of her own money"
This marriage marriage mata, de make me fear, seriously.

eunisam:
This man is a parasite.

he might not be a parasite.remember,if your wife keep spending recklessly,you going to challeng her.

freecocoa:
Jaybee let me ask you something, if the reverse were to be the case, can the woman demand such?

Absolutely

I wouldn't expect a wife to just sit down and pray to God for divine intervention if her husband is a chronic gambler. In applying common sense, she has to deny him funds period

jaybee3:

Absolutely

I wouldn't expect a wife to just sit down and pray to God for divine intervention if her husband is a chronic gambler. In applying common sense, she has to deny him funds period

Ok then, I gat you.

I don't know the full story so won't dive in,I'll just talk in general.
There's a way you put words and it will breed resentment and resistance even in the meekest person.
Why would someone tell a grown adult to 'submit' her salary to him? It sounds soooo....
By submitting it to him what does it mean?Withdraw all the cash and give to him? Deposit it directly into his account or is it to put into a joint account where they both are joint signatories?

When you choose to marry someone,I assume the 2 partners would like to pool resources to make the home function optimally.
Now,if married to a spend thrift is it not sensible to open a joint account where the spouses can only withdraw jointly?That definitely takes care of that. my dear wife/husband,I'm concerned about how you spend money.I think you could give some thought to us opening a joint account so that we both discuss before we take financial decisions and also save something for rainy days.Only an idiot would reject this.Absolute denial of cash could lead the spend thrift to borrow and cause further damage.

Financial matters are very very sensitive and could cause a lot of strife between couples.It is very very important that when issues like this are broached,it's not forced on the person and also some leeway made for the submitter to have something to do as he/she pleases.
Also depends on the kind of spouse,if it's an irresponsible person nothing on this planet would make me give up my cash.If it's a prudent sensible spouse who is trustworthy then at least you know it's for the good of the family.
We should always remember that each person is an adult not a toddler that can be ordered around.
Before marriage is the best time to have this talk,this is to avoid deadly stories or unnecessary argument.In my situation for instance,I handle all the family finances,.I even feel this is a burden as I know every kobo so this prevents me from going crazy with cash.I think the hubby did this on purpose...So if I decide to spend all of it,fine. When it finishes we look at each other and maybe use my thighs as meat.

Anyway,hope these 2 sort it out.

freecocoa:
Ok then, I gat you.

mafavour:
well its hard to say cos its between two entity called hub and wife...but my opinion is that it has to be on personal giving not submission it should not be demanded by either party as a yardstick for the sustainability of the home.may God help us as a family altogether I smell poverty in d land .

You make sense die... Poverty reign in the land

mercylicious:
What works for okeke might not work for okafor. For me, u wont see shishi under such conditions. The full story will nt be far from the wife earning more than the guy, the guy then develops inferior complex making him over react in certain issues. He then pegs every disagreement they have on dt d wife isnt submissive cos of money. If you are a man- be a man. Dont feel intimidated. Whether u are short, handicap , unemployed etc should make you less of a man.

A colleague in my office had d same issue. Their pastor preached it in the church that the woman shld submit every including salary. The husband saw it as opportunity and demanded dt she submit her money. They opened a joint acnt in another bank and he was sole signatory to the acnt. It was like jazz. She lost her phone and the husband did not replace it for her. She will beg for phone from other staff to call 'honey.'

Her family abandoned her cos anyone dt asks for anything, she wil tell the person ,'Go to the right source' and when they go to 'honey' its one story or the other.

The girl bought a car before the handover things, it was part of the things dt were handed over to the guy. The girl will fly okada to and fro work not minding she was heavily pregnant. 'honey' does not see the importance of bringing his pregnant wife to work.

To crown the story , each time my colleagues sees honey in his place of work ( 'honey is a business man) , they see him playing draft. This thing come dey vex everybody but no one could say it out . Then, one day, this babe came back from mkting and was feeling very weak. She needed to drink malt and was begging for who will buy malt for her. All hell broke loose. It was started by a guy dt hardly talks in the office. Ppl joined the guy and finished the babe . I dont think she would sleep that night cos they really shred
.
Fast forward,two years later, i dont know how she broke loose from her marital bondage. She bought another car and takes care of herself. She buys things herself, atleast ive seen her buy abacha for herself.

I hate lies! I stopped reading your story when I saw the bolded above! It is not a joint account if there is only one signatory!!

Gloria3389:

to those that said Yes....are they married?.... if NO, then your statistics is wrong cos things are easier said than done....
I'm single but my prayer is to have a husband whose salary will be far far bigger than mine such that my salary will mean Nothing to him.... only a weak man will demand his wife's salary with authority ....

And what happens if your salary is bigger than his? Or, you are going to do comparison of salaries before you agree to marry him?

Missy89:
tell her to buy a gun and shoot him dead between the eyes

MEAN!

Hmmmmmm

phineas:
On topics like this people ought to contribute responsibly.

In nigeria,this is a common scenario,mostly with the yoruba culture and amongst certain religious sect.

I blame the women for marrying such primitive men,I blame soceity and pple such as nairalnders that commented carelesly for its existence in present day soceity.

It used to be a sign of submission but it failed the prior generation.The men took the money enriched themselves abused their spouses seeing they had nowhere to go.

So a man and wife build a house with all the womans salary,and his relatives or his 2nd wife take over,remember she has no other "savings" hence totally dependent.Not just her her children too.

So in this day and age a man says to his working wife "bring all ur salary" in a culture that has no protective laws for its women and some folks come on here and say its submission? Its not submission its evil and theivery by a lazy man,men like that eventually find other places to validate their ego,they spend on other women who look at them as a rich provider...

I've seen and heard of a few like this,non ended with the man staying despite the woman agreeing to remit all her income.like it is with every bully,giving in never solves the problem,the demands just get worse as the woman looses all her respect completely.Don't these women respect themselves? To respect yourself means u carry yourself and treat urself in a manner deserving to be respected. women,learn from the prior generationn,look out for ur family,but look out for urselves too,have ur own egg nest.if not for u,for ur children.Ignore society,if you trust the man completely,fine but remember its your responsibilty to protect yourself and your children with your choices,be wise.choose well.

Yoruba culture and some religion sects, really? Liar!

If Abraham asked why Isaac he could not have been called father of faith neither is Sarah who called him My Lord. It might be a mere test by his Husband of the value she places on money and submissiveness.

Daily News.. interesting views you have here

So you believe after mediation, divorce is better than letting her submit the money

Hypothethical case here

DailyNews:
if she's being irresponsible with her income, caution her! If she continues to sqaunder it, stop giving her money and let her use her own money to take care of herself. If that doesn't solve it, call her family's attention! If that one fails, then divorce her, simple!!

Making a mandate that your wife must submit her salary every month is insane! Except both of u makes it compulsory that u guys will be submitting your salaries to be deposited in a joint-account that requires u guys' individual signatures to withdraw money.

peterjero:

Have you ever asked yourself the meaning of freedom, would you want your marriage to crash all because of what : money. Have you asked the reason for the measures taken by the husband, my women are unnecessarily edgy at times and they need iron hands. My mum is a perfect example of women who money turn their brain. She thinks the little money she has she can boss over my dad and guess what my dad the man that he is, took same measure and the end result.....

Why would a sane man with healthy self esteem allow money to crash his marriage? is such a man o.k in the head? why would you demand that your wife gives you all her salary? for what? tto prove a point? Insecure men always do things to prove a point. people cannot just sit down and enjoy their marriages. always bringing up drama frm nowhere. to what end? to show you are the boss? Please, pllease change this your mentality or else you will become abusive towards you wife. Learn to remove your eye from her financial stance. if you need assistance, nothing wrong with sitting your wife down annd ironing it out. But dnt demand your wife to give her salary to you. That iis a sign of domestic abuse waiting to happen.

Cutehector4u:
Hmmm... I wonder the kind of men mothers raise up these days

mothers raised them well, but they grow up to have their mentality

I don't think it is bad for the man to collect his wife salary... One + One= 1 in the calculation of God... She can help the man if the man is financial handicap..

Ezibless:
Why is nobody supporting the husband na?

First of all,lemme ask this question: What if she was a full time house wife?

The op said they were having marital challanges and the condition for make up is for her to SUBMIT her salary.

If she really wants to keep her marraige,she should submit it.
Cause after marraige,i think it's no longer HER salary but THEIR salary. (ladies dont strangle me o lolzzz)


Me,thinks she'd be doing the statement ''...wife submit to your husband...'' justice, if she does.

#my2cent!

an unbiased lady I must say. Though I won't do such, but I think there's a reason that made the husband say so, afterall I think they've been married for sometime n she's been working. This reminds me of a similar issue b/w a couple, people called the man many bad names b/c of how the wife presented the issue. But when both families came to handle the matter the lady was covered in shame.

ViktorMartins:
Kibi, happy birthday dear!

thank u very much...appreciate

pieces2:
I agree with you Jare make she do am so see what his up to and then if he no use am do anything tangible she stop and dat way she has basis for her argument

when God asked Abraham to take up Isaac his only son and sacrifice him unto him. Abraham did not complain, he went ahead. All what God was interested in testing was his loyalty and commitment. At the end of the day, did he kill his only son? no! God provided him with a Ram to Kill. With that singular act alone, God swore by himself that in blessing he would bless Abraham. who knows maybe husband is trying to test wife's loyalty and commitment? who knows what husband is up to?

kibi:


he says its meant to show her submissiveness...thats the part that puzzles me.

She should submit it or pack out. A real man should by now be preparing a young girl to fill her vacuum.

I was just thinking about stuffs like this, if I 'accidentally' get married, I will tell my wives to submit their damn salaries, I will add mine and I'll draw a budget, the remnant will be shared equally btw me and my wives. Doesn't that sound better than a fat azz spending valuable money on cosmetics? ................spits on ground

zubby29:
it only natural nd sensible for lady dats working to support their husbands no matter hw rich d husband is,it only strengthen der nd bond bt to tell ur wife to submit all her salary is no no.if she does it of her own free will i still expect d husband to even say no

Well,we don't know how much d salary is and we didnt hear that the man wouldn't give any cash @all. They should just come to an agreement thats what matters

kibi:
i just spoke with a friend of mine who has been having marital challenges and she says the hubby has given her a condition for their make up - submit your salary to me at the end of every month.
i really dont like being in the middle of marital squables cos i wouldnt want anyone in mine so i told her to pray and talk it out with her husband though it did get me thinking, whats the rationale behind that condition...for men in the house who do this please enlighten me cos i dont support it.

First off , happy birthday to you.
I don't think any responsible man will demand his wife to submit her salary , it is totally wrong

acada111:



Den if she wants to buy dress, she'll ask him for money abi? Or if she wants to send some money to her parents or siblings, she'll seek his permission and beg him for "some of her own money"
This marriage marriage mata, de make me fear, seriously.

first of all, obey first without grumbling. All the what the world require is wisdom. Apply wisdom in your dealings.