authority2006:
Yoruba culture and some religion sects, really? Liar!

I ussually don't quote to reply posts but for yours I'll make an exception.

It is common,very common that some yoruba women bring their earnings at the end of the month ,kneel and put it on the table infront of their husbands who decides how the money is distributed/spent,he can keep it all if he wishes,just like she kneels to serve his food etc.

It is a primitive culture certain sects or religious bodies actually still promote.

At the end the woman is ussualy exploited and taken advantage of.

Daddi:
an unbiased lady I must say. Though I won't do such, but I think there's a reason that made the husband say so, afterall I think they've been married for sometime n she's been working. This reminds me of a similar issue b/w a couple, people called the man many bad names b/c of how the wife presented the issue. But when both families came to handle the matter the lady was covered in shame.

hmmmm. It's just understanding that any marriage needs

That is why women should not marry dunces

But why is that most women have this selfish and erroneous belief that "his money is your money and your money is your money"?

phineas:
On topics like this people ought to contribute responsibly.

In nigeria,this is a common scenario,mostly with the yoruba culture and amongst certain religious sect.

I blame the women for marrying such primitive men,I blame soceity and pple such as nairalnders that commented carelesly for its existence in present day soceity.

It used to be a sign of submission but it failed the prior generation.The men took the money enriched themselves abused their spouses seeing they had nowhere to go.

So a man and wife build a house with all the womans salary,and his relatives or his 2nd wife take over,remember she has no other "savings" hence totally dependent.Not just her her children too.

So in this day and age a man says to his working wife "bring all ur salary" in a culture that has no protective laws for its women and some folks come on here and say its submission? Its not submission its evil and theivery by a lazy man,men like that eventually find other places to validate their ego,they spend on other women who look at them as a rich provider...

I've seen and heard of a few like this,non ended with the man staying despite the woman agreeing to remit all her income.like it is with every bully,giving in never solves the problem,the demands just get worse as the woman looses all her respect completely.Don't these women respect themselves? To respect yourself means u carry yourself and treat urself in a manner deserving to be respected. women,learn from the prior generationn,look out for ur family,but look out for urselves too,have ur own egg nest.if not for u,for ur children.Ignore society,if you trust the man completely,fine but remember its your responsibilty to protect yourself and your children with your choices,be wise.choose well.

Most sensible comment I've read on this thread...my mum went through this and my siblings and I still suffer the consequences. Its such pain to see other people claim what's rightfully yours.

freecocoa:
But seriously, how do people get a place where such things happen in their marriages? I mean who do they marry?

I can't imagine my husband giving me conditions and vice versa.

Honesty, most of these stuffs are like magic

mercylicious:
What works for okeke might not work for okafor. For me, u wont see shishi under such conditions. The full story will nt be far from the wife earning more than the guy, the guy then develops inferior complex making him over react in certain issues. He then pegs every disagreement they have on dt d wife isnt submissive cos of money. If you are a man- be a man. Dont feel intimidated. Whether u are short, handicap , unemployed etc should make you less of a man.

A colleague in my office had d same issue. Their pastor preached it in the church that the woman shld submit every including salary. The husband saw it as opportunity and demanded dt she submit her money. They opened a joint acnt in another bank and he was sole signatory to the acnt. It was like jazz. She lost her phone and the husband did not replace it for her. She will beg for phone from other staff to call 'honey.'

Her family abandoned her cos anyone dt asks for anything, she wil tell the person ,'Go to the right source' and when they go to 'honey' its one story or the other.

The girl bought a car before the handover things, it was part of the things dt were handed over to the guy. The girl will fly okada to and fro work not minding she was heavily pregnant. 'honey' does not see the importance of bringing his pregnant wife to work.

To crown the story , each time my colleagues sees honey in his place of work ( 'honey is a business man) , they see him playing draft. This thing come dey vex everybody but no one could say it out . Then, one day, this babe came back from mkting and was feeling very weak. She needed to drink malt and was begging for who will buy malt for her. All hell broke loose. It was started by a guy dt hardly talks in the office. Ppl joined the guy and finished the babe . I dont think she would sleep that night cos they really shred
.
Fast forward,two years later, i dont know how she broke loose from her marital bondage. She bought another car and takes care of herself. She buys things herself, atleast ive seen her buy abacha for herself.

great story , she couldnt buy a phone even when salary is not aid into the joint account , but her own official account first . Nice , she never knew the man was a an irresponsible draft player before they got married . we should presen this to wale adenuga . what do you think ?

5minsmadness:

Its is socially unacceptable to hear that a man gives his salary to his wife. Having said that I know of a couple who the man does exactly that, reason being that she is more prudent in spending than he is. He has no saving habit and found out his wife does better at saving and planning family expenses. So he gives her his salary and she calculates the amount of money he needs for the month and gives him back while saving the rest.

LOL! @ socially unacceptable

What will I not hear on NL!

Single ladies, use the courtship period very wisely! It is not the time to eat sharwama or drink gulder; it is not the time to mark register in all eateries and joints. It is not the time to show your se.x ua.l prowness either

Study your man! Study your man!! Study your man!!!

90% of all these behaviours are evident before marriage; marriage does not transform people overnight to either good or bad. They only exhibit what has been inside of them.

Look well and well before saying I do; Any comment you do not like or you are not comfortable with made in passing must be treated; watch out how he handles issues of others especially marriage/relationship issues.

You cannot force a man to love you; if he does not, you cannot wash, cook or f.uk your way into his heart. You might force/manipulate him to marry you but after the wedding, he will show you sege!


Also pray and pray to whatever you believe in.

It is very terrible when a lady misses it in marriage. Even if she divorces/separates from the man, she will still feel the pain for a while.

These are some of the reasonswhy d men are dieing . D society is so ill informed in Africa such that it is forbidden for a man who earns less than his wife to ask for financial help from her.
For God's sake what is wrong with d woman adding her salary to that of her man so that they can plan together?
Two become one, does it exclude finances?
Is it a curse unto d man to pick up a woman and marry her that he has to financially exhaust himself while d woman throws her own pay around in ways not helpful to d husband?
What is wrong with d psyche of a blackman?
I wil walk away from my marriage d moment my wife starts making cash and sees it as her own while my paltry pay is for us. There are rules of engagement here so if her cash is removed cos d society has found reasons to justify it, then i cannot work myself to death, and i will not be afraid of societal interpretation to it, I will simply walk away .

repogirl:
That is why women should not marry dunces

this is why men should not marry stingy women

kibi:
i just spoke with a friend of mine who has been having marital challenges and she says the hubby has given her a condition for their make up - submit your salary to me at the end of every month.
i really dont like being in the middle of marital squables cos i wouldnt want anyone in mine so i told her to pray and talk it out with her husband though it did get me thinking, whats the rationale behind that condition...for men in the house who do this please enlighten me cos i dont support it.

who is she supposed to give the money to ? giving the money can be physcially or just telling the husband the exact salary that she got that month

i dont the big deal here

the same with husbands,they should do the same to their wives either give the money to wives physically or tell what he got as his salary, then the financial manager between the two (husband and wive) takes over in paying the bills etc

each family has a breadwinner/s and financial manager (the one who has to see that bills are paid and money for food is set aside etc)

once you say your are married and family money should be 1st put on the table i.e tell your partner what you got then a decision has to be made after, i.e the husband might say keep your salary mine will cover everything or he says dont worry about showing or bringing your salary into the family bugdet keep it

most women who think the husband is wrong think that the husband has no right to the wife's simply becoz thy think its the man's job to look after the family, true but not as things used to be where the wife would play housewife now things are tough for ordinary couple, they need to both work for the things to be better unless you are married to a rich person and you work becoz you dont want to be simply a housewife

As long the money is not enough from one breadwinner, the other working partner they should 1st put his/her money on the family table unless the issue was talked before and agreed that the other partner's shouldnt be put on the family table

ukandi1:
These are some of the reasonswhy d men are dieing . D society is so ill informed in Africa such that it is forbidden for a man who earns less than his wife to ask for financial help from her.
For God's sake what is wrong with d woman adding her salary to that of her man so that they can plan together?
Two become one, does it exclude finances?
Is it a curse unto d man to pick up a woman and marry her that he has to financially exhaust himself while d woman throws her own pay around in ways not helpful to d husband?
What is wrong with d psyche of the average blackman?
I wil walk away from my marriage d moment my wife starts making cash and sees it as her own while my paltry pay is for us. There are rules of engagement here so if her cash is removed cos d society has found reasons to justify it, then i cannot work myself to death, and i will not be afraid of societal interpretation to it, I will simply walk away .

The bold is a serious question I would like answers to

dre11:

Maybe u need to know the reasons why the man asked her to submit her salary to him

Because the reason she gave is not sufficient enough for that man to have taken such a drastic decision.



Maybe the man sees that your friend is not prudent with her salary or she is leaving above her salary or he sees some hanky panky

dre11:

Maybe u need to know the reasons why the man asked her to submit her salary to him

Because the reason she gave is not sufficient enough for that man to have taken such a drastic decision.



Maybe the man sees that your friend is not prudent with her salary or she is leaving above her salary or he sees some hanky panky

I'm passionate about topics like this because I detest injustice,and by virtue of my profession have seen a lot of women with issues such as this.

To prevent abuse and ensure responsibilty each spouse may bring a percentage of their income to run family expenses,say 50percent each or whatever suits their fancy.so if the man earns way less than the woman,he must still drop that meagre amount that forms the percentage,That's his contribution that's what makes him responsible.But to ask a woman to drop all her income on the table,must be a temporary arrangement and must be a request not an order.demanding for ALL in any other form whether she is a spendthrift or whatever reason is criminal.

A man like that is a lazy thieving opportunist sponging of the woman.He needs to get real and find work that will bring in more income and please let's all not endorse this wrong on this pages,pple who practice this evil are here seeking validation

We must as a society speak out and condem with one voice practices such as this that has impoverished families and women for generations.This issue is as real as it gets in our society.

I repeat a woman MUST again MUST have a seperate savings for the rainy day.

gazilion:


I hate lies! I stopped reading your story when I saw the bolded above! It is not a joint account if there is only one signatory!!

Dont expose ur ignorance. U can chose wat u want to read or believe.
Let me lecture you, u can have joint account with even as many ppl as possible and only one person can sign. mandate - a to sign or b to sign or both a and b to sign. or a to sign 50k and below b to sign 100k and above. U just give instruction as u want it to be as you are opening account.
.
It may be strange to you- yes, it was to us that time cos d babe in quesn was a bank mkter and the joint acnt in questn was opened in another bank.

one major problem with nairalanders is they judge too quickly ... the matured women have stopped commenting on this thread . the op's story is not complete in any way . who knows if the woman spends her money on one bobo else where and was caught .... please dont just blame one party.

bukatyne:


LOL! @ socially unacceptable

What will I not hear on NL!

Single ladies, use the courtship period very wisely! It is not the time to eat sharwama or drink gulder; it is not the time to mark register in all eateries and joints. It is not the time to show your se.x ua.l prowness either

Study your man! Study your man!! Study your man!!!

90% of all these behaviours are evident before marriage; marriage does not transform people overnight to either good or bad. They only exhibit what has been inside of them.

Look well and well before saying I do; Any comment you do not like or you are not comfortable with made in passing must be treated; watch out how he handles issues of others especially marriage/relationship issues.

You cannot force a man to love you; if he does not, you cannot wash, cook or f.uk your way into his heart. You might force/manipulate him to marry you but after the wedding, he will show you sege!


Also pray and pray to whatever you believe in.

It is very terrible when a lady misses it in marriage. Even if she divorces/separates from the man, she will still feel the pain for a while.

My mother hammered the same advice to me. Ever since I was a young girl. Shine your motha effin eye.

So she has to go to him if she wnts to buy anytin?? Dats why it is gud to marry Sumone u understand....

kibi:


but dyu know there are some men who dont knw and care what their wives earn cos they believe its their duty to provide for the home.

I regard such men as fools. As to the topic, we don't have the details. However, if it is just to show submissiveness, then I think the lady should get out of the marriage. Marriage is not slavery. The golden rule should apply here; would the man hand over his own salary? Instead I suggest they open a joint account into which a percentage of their salaries would be paid. I definitely would not hand over my salary to anyone or ask my wife to do such.

some years back while in teritiary institution,precisely my year 3,I remembered during a sermon by pastor olubi Johnson of scripture pastures,how his wife,who was working and.earning far more than him then,came to pick him after work.

And on their way home,he suddenly asked his wife "wheres your salary"? and without questioning,she said it was in an envelope in her bag and he asked, "give it to me".He said without questioning,she handed it over...he smiled at her and said "I was testing your wilful submission and trust". With that he handed her money back to her.

Question....How many of you young married women in this present age could wilfully do same without a fight or query?.

Both pastor and his wife studied and spent long time sojourning in the US before returning to Nigeria.

bennyrazz:
@op, but your friend has options now? either she submit her salary or carefully leave the marriage. There can't be two captains in a ship. The only thing I will say here is she should give it a trial for 2 or 3months and see what her husband plans are. If he squanders the money, then she should not submit subsequent ones and that would be her basis of argument should the marriage fail.

no. she should not start n d man will turn her to punching bag. it's best call d man's family or divorce. say no to wife abuse

Last I checked 1 +1 =1

Sometimes the cost of bride price demanded by the girls parents is too expensive.
thus the husband is on a revenge mission

Hannibie:


Any man forcing his wife to submit her monthly salary just to teach her submission(or for whatever reason) is an insult to Masculinity. One of Man's major responsibilities is to provide and the woman is to submit. Never force your wife to submit to you because it would no longer be submission but oppression. God forbid the day my husband would stoop so low to ask for my salary, "na to go deliverance be that" because some witches must be behind it

May God bless your marriage

Lol yes the man is the head of the house, however I believe that to have a great marriage and family life it's all about teamwork. No one is anyone's boss and gets to call all shots.

I'm not married but without question will my future husband know how much I earn and I will know how much he earns since we will take care of the expenses together. So he can ask me abt my salary

But if a couple has agreed that he takes care of finances and he handles her salary and both are happy with it, who am I to say they shouldn't arrange it like that. So I can't comment on op post until more information is posted

[quote author=kibi post=27699854]i just spoke with a friend of mine who has been having marital challenges and she says the hubby has given her a condition for their make up - submit your salary to me at the end of every month.
oi really dont like being in the middle of marital squables cos i wouldnt want anyone in mine so i told her to pray and talk it out with her husband though it did get me thinking, whats the rationale behind that condition...for men in the house who do this please enlighten me cos i dont support it.[/quot
What does he need it for!??
Its.the Man dats supposed to submit his salary to her....

bukatyne:


LOL! @ socially unacceptable

What will I not hear on NL!

Single ladies, use the courtship period very wisely! It is not the time to eat sharwama or drink gulder; it is not the time to mark register in all eateries and joints. It is not the time to show your se.x ua.l prowness either

Study your man! Study your man!! Study your man!!!

90% of all these behaviours are evident before marriage; marriage does not transform people overnight to either good or bad. They only exhibit what has been inside of them.

Look well and well before saying I do; Any comment you do not like or you are not comfortable with made in passing must be treated; watch out how he handles issues of others especially marriage/relationship issues.

You cannot force a man to love you; if he does not, you cannot wash, cook or f.uk your way into his heart. You might force/manipulate him to marry you but after the wedding, he will show you sege!


Also pray and pray to whatever you believe in.

It is very terrible when a lady misses it in marriage. Even if she divorces/separates from the man, she will still feel the pain for a while.

It is extremely difficult to look before you leap in Marriage simply because both couples are courting in a "Conditioned" environment where things happen the way they are "meant" to happen.. Happily Ever After.. I often encourage couples planning for marriage to move in with each other and have seex before marriage. live life like a real couple for at least 1 year and then decide if you want to go the whole hog. 10 years later.. we are still strong even with all the revelations that I was not really a quiet nice romantic guy .

kibi:
i just spoke with a friend of mine who has been having marital challenges and she says the hubby has given her a condition for their make up - submit your salary to me at the end of every month.
i really dont like being in the middle of marital squables cos i wouldnt want anyone in mine so i told her to pray and talk it out with her husband though it did get me thinking, whats the rationale behind that condition...for men in the house who do this please enlighten me cos i dont support it.

What does he need it for
Its the man thats supposed to submit his own salary to her...

Raiders:
this is why men should not marry stingy women

a man who cannot take care of his home is worse than an infidel! Depending on wife's salary, shioooorrrrrr!

That is a guy who sees his wife as his meal ticket. What a condition for reconciliation. Better tell yr friend she doesn't have a husband oh! Unless there's more to d story than she's letting on...otherwise that man has some sinister ulterior motives to his request.
My humble submission

Raiders:
your friend is stingy lady. What is wrong with a woman helping out her husband with paying for the bills. I hate stingy women

Now...helping out wit the bills isn't an issue at all but submitting my salary is a big issue.

Raiders:
your friend is stingy lady. What is wrong with a woman helping out her husband with paying for the bills. I hate stingy women

To submit her salary for what?...And why would you say she's stingy when you know not why she was asked to? There's nothing wrong in helping the husband sort out some bills but this should be done willingly, and not all bills especially when the husband has the resources to fix it.